Will, his face still stinging from his aftershave, came back downstairs. Ana had moved to the table, Rigel's front legs draped over her lap as she hugged him. A bottle of whiskey sat in front of her, and Will brought a couple of glasses. He poured them both a good amount, and brought out the paper and a pen. "You talk, I'll write. Later, I'll write Oscar's letter about Alfred; you can write your mother."

"Alright." Ana muttered, sipping her whiskey. "We were up on the promenade deck."

"Alfred, that's a-" The end of my sentence was drowned out by the explosion of the torpedo, the lifeboat behind us disappearing in the cloud of water, splinters and steel that roared into the sky. I gasped as Alfred knocked me to the deck, throwing himself over me as the crowd of debris rained down over the both of us. Rigel, caught underneath me, struggled to try and get loose. I could hear the patter of the debris falling to the deck, and it was only a moment before Alfred got off me and roughly hauled me to my feet.

He was pale, and his voice shook. "They got us."

"They did." I stumbled to the rail, ignoring where it had been blown away not far from me. I could see where the torpedo had impacted, a massive tear in the steel skin of the ship that the ocean was greedily forcing its way into. The ship was already heeling over to starboard, the weight of the water dragging us down. My mind wanted to hide from the sight, to forget that April night where I couldn't see the tear but the result was still the same. I wanted to scream, to cry, to beg God for it to not be happening again. But the scream was caught in my throat, my hands shaking.

A second explosion sounded, and I gripped the rail tightly as the deck shuddered and bucked underneath my feet. Alfred grabbed me as a cloud of steam seemed to rush up from the base of the funnel, tinged gray by something that I couldn't think of. I could barely breathe, and had a death grip on Rigel's leash as Alfred dragged me away from the railing.

His hand fumbled along the wall of the superstructure, looking for some way out of the choking cloud of steam. When he felt the doorknob he seized it, throwing me inside before him. He was panting as he sucked in the clean air. "How bad was it?"

"Bad." I coughed, trying to catch my own breath. "The hole in the side, it's massive."

He looked down the hallway, more people coming in from the deck. "We're getting off, where's your cabin?"

"Just down here." I started forward, Rigel trotting after me and Alfred in our wake. I could hear something echoing down from the bridge above us, shouts and curses. I paused, my ears straining to listen closely.

Alfred stopped too, "What are they saying?"

"We can't steer." I pursed my lips, forcing my feet to move. "More than likely the engines are gone." It made it easier to deal with if I forced myself to think of exactly what was affected by the torpedo. If I thought clinically, I could force out the memories of April three years ago that were just below the surface, digging its fingers into me. "The electricity will probably go soon; we need to get to the boats."

Alfred cursed, "We should get people off the damn elevators before they get stuck." As if he was being mocked by the divine, the lights above us flickered and died. That led to screams from the other passengers, and even I felt my breathing speed up. The massive list had settled somewhat, flooding below evening the ship out.

But my cabin was right there, and I threw open the door. My lifebelt was sitting on the bed, and I raced for it. The ship was beginning to list again, and several vases of flowers had crashed onto the floor. Alfred ignored those, moving to my trunk. "Is there another of those?"

I knelt beside the bed, pulling another out. "Yes, what are you doing?"

"Any jewels?" He had thrown my trunk open, tossing my clothing aside. "Money? Stocks? Mementos?"

"Just my purse." I stood, rushing over. "Alfred, we need to get these on. That doesn't matter!"

"We'll need it to get you going after we get on a boat." Alfred thrust my purse at me, "Shove it down your corset, I promise I won't look." To prove his point, he grabbed the lifebelt from me, turning around to don it while I hastily unbuttoned the top of my shirtwaist and shoved my purse between my breasts.

Then I donned my own belt, tying the sides as tightly as I could. "We need to get onto the boats, Alfred. Now."

"I'll get you in one, I promise." He led the way out of my cabin, turning for the nearby door. "Oscar would kill me if I let anything happen to you."

The port side boat deck was choked with passengers and crew, each trying to get to the boats. Crewmen were hastily lowering the boats, the lines in the falls stuttering and making the boats shake as they came level with the deck. Alfred couldn't force his way through, so we were forced to watch as passengers hurtled aboard one boat and began screaming for the boat to be lowered. It was already leaning in somewhat from the list of the ship, but it was still mostly out over the side.

Which meant that when the men on the falls lost their grip, it spilled its occupants down over fifty feet into the cold water.

Alfred was cursing, barely audible over the screaming of the passengers and the moans of the liner as she began to settle into her death throes. "Farther back, we'll find a good boat." He dragged me behind him, Rigel on my heels. He was determined, tearing through the crowd like a madman, only brought short by the sight of a mother clutching her child, no lifebelt in sight.

I watched in disbelief as he tore his own off, tied it around her and shoved her towards a boat. He must have noticed my reaction, for he shrugged. "We'll be getting in a boat, I'll be fine."

"Alfred," I muttered, remembering summers in Newport. "You can't swim."

"Which is why we're getting in a boat." He growled, shoving a man aside to clear a path. "In fact, we'll get in that one!" He pointed to a boat towards the back of the deck, already partially full. He began waving a hand over his head, "Here! Take us!"

My heart was hammering as we got closer, keeping a tight grip on Rigel. I couldn't lose him; he could sit at my feet and free up space in the boat. We'd get to Ireland and get to Britain, everything would be alright, even if the boat was leaning farther over the deck than the others. More passengers were jumping onboard, and I saw the sun glint off metal in one man's hand as he stood by the falls.

Alfred was grinning, "I've got a woman here!"

"Lower it!" I heard the man shouting, and I could see the gun in his hand clearly as he pointed it at the crew working the falls. "Right now, goddamn it!"

I couldn't say what happened next, the exact order of everything. All I knew was the boat hurtled inwards, crushing the people who had been trying to get on and slamming onto the deck. Alfred suddenly jerked inward, yanking my arm and pulling me with him. I slammed down hard onto the deck, the wind knocked out of me.

It was painful to draw a breath, but it was even more painful when I looked at Alfred.

At funerals, the dead looked peaceful. They simply looked asleep, posed nicely in their fine clothing. Alfred didn't look peaceful; his eyes were open and staring up at a sun he couldn't see. Blood dripped from the corner of his mouth, and more ran from his nose. I only glanced down from his face once, the lifeboat had made a ruin of his chest and he was all over blood. Rigel whined, scrambling back to his feet and beginning to tug on his leash.

There was more screaming around me, from those injured by the lifeboat and from witnesses. I could feel a scream in me too, threatening to tear its way out. I wanted to let it out, but I knew that if I started screaming, I wouldn't stop until the ship fell out from under me. I needed to get away, I needed to get in the water and find something to cling to until one of the few boats that had actually launched picked me up.

But I couldn't leave Alfred there.

He deserved a funeral, he deserved to look peaceful in a fine suit while his wife and sons mourned him. But I couldn't shift the boat, and no matter how hard I tugged on his arm, I couldn't free him. Rigel was barking now, yanking on his leash. When I didn't move, he sank his teeth into my skirt and pulled. I fell back to my knees, tears in my eyes.

I couldn't bring Alfred home, but I could bring something.

I didn't think about how my hands were covered in his blood as I ran my hands down his jacket, feeling something in his pocket. I drew out a golden money clip, which I shoved down with my purse. Rigel whined, pushing me away from his body. I stumbled to my feet, moving away. I had to climb over the lifeboat, doing my best to ignore the fact that I was stepping on the dead and injured as I reached the other side. More boats had been launched over here, but some dangled in their falls, their cargo tossed below.

I wasn't going in one of those, I wasn't going to be thrown down to drown.

I pushed through the passengers, headed towards the bow. It was already well underwater, and when I looked out, I could see debris floating on the water. My plan would work, and I could see others that clearly had the same thought. Men were tossing deck chairs over; women were removing their skirts to make swimming easier. I couldn't stop though, drawn to the water that was slipping up over the deck. The water was cold when I stepped into it, lapping around my ankles.

But it wasn't the coldest I had ever felt.

The ship groaned underneath me, twisting even farther onto her side and sliding beneath the waves faster. Suddenly I wasn't simply walking into the water, I was falling and something was dragging me down below the waves. The ship, the ship was going and there was some current sucking me. My skirt swirled up around my face, and I desperately batted at it as I tried to see. But I couldn't, the blue around me wasn't water but the wool of my skirt and I couldn't tell up from down. My eyes stung from the salt water, and my lungs burned as I struggled to right myself and get out of the current. I couldn't die here, I wouldn't. I had to find some way out, even as my lungs screamed for me to breathe.

Something massive and hairy hurtled into me, knocking me out of whatever current had been pulling at me. My hands scrabbled for a grip, twisting into hair and holding tight as powerful legs pushed us up towards the surface. Rigel was doing what he had been bred for, what hundreds of years had imprinted on him. I clung to him still once we broke the surface, taking a greedy breath as soon as I could. He did the same, still swimming us farther away from the ship.

I spluttered, trying to figure out where we were. The ship was gone, and very few lifeboats could be seen bobbing at the edge of the massive field of flotsam that spread out before me. But that was a heaving mass, disturbed by the survivors flailing and sending up sprays of white water. I clenched my jaw, trying to drive out the sound of the screams. I had never thought to hear them again, the pleading and praying, the cries for help that wouldn't come.

But it had to, it had to come. I let Rigel pull me along, only letting go when I saw an unoccupied deck chair floating in the field. I paddled to it, letting it take my weight. Rigel whined, turning in a circle as he tried to stay close to me. I splashed the water towards the end of it, "Here, right here. We can both sit here."

It took time to get him there, every time the chair dipped under his weight, he would slide off and swim around me. I pushed it towards him, "Rigel, here!" My voice cracked, "Rigel, please. Please, just get on." The screams were louder, and some were higher pitched. Children, babies, they were crying somewhere. I lunged for Rigel again, "Just get on!"

But he swam away, still circling me. Everything was noise, water pounding in my ears, people thrashing, babies crying, my own sobs that tore out of me faster and faster. It was all too much; it was too much. I wasn't in a lifeboat this time; I was treading water and I was going to drown. Will would learn I was dead, and I had no clue what he would do. Mother would waste away, and everyone back home would hate me. I would sit here and tread water until I was exhausted and falling asleep in the water became irresistible, but first I would have to listen to everyone around me drown, even Rigel.

My poor boy, swimming around me and trying to get closer, he'd drown because of me. When his head bumped up against me, I held him there. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Rigel, my sweet boy." I kept sobbing. "I should have stayed like everyone said. I should have taken one of my ships." I screamed, "I'm sorry Will, I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you no."

I kept my hands around Rigel, who kept swimming with me in tow. I didn't know how long he was pushing us along, all I knew was slowly, ever so slowly, the screams began to fade. First it was the babies, those shrill cries for their mothers silenced. I would rather have had them screaming, because at least when they were screaming they were alive. Then even more were lost, and I babbled apologies to Father and promised him I would see him soon. I prayed, I prayed that we wouldn't be joined by Will, I prayed for rescue, I prayed for something, anything to break the monotony of Rigel's paws paddling.

I was alone, watching the horizon for any sign of rescue. Some lifeboats were edging closer, the sound of their oars echoing over the water. Part of me wanted to stay, my legs were already dead weight under me, but Rigel swam over with his leash in his mouth. He pushed it towards me, whining. My fingers felt like they cracked as I took it, and he lunged away again towards the boats. But they were so far away, and I watched as plumes of smoke began to fill the horizon.

Soon the lifeboats were joined by a motley fleet that began to spread out. Trawlers, sailboats, patrol boats, fishing smacks, all of them began to proceed slowly through the field. Rigel carried me in his wake, and I slowly began to come back to myself. I wasn't doomed, I wasn't going to drown. Rigel wasn't going to drown; we were going to live. We just had to get to a boat. My legs burned when I began to kick them, coming close to a fishing smack that had paused in the field to collect survivors and bodies.

My voice was a whisper though, "Please, help!" I didn't draw any attention, no one came rushing over to the side and pointed at me. I kicked closer, trying to swallow whatever was in my mouth so I could be louder.

Rigel didn't wait, barking his head off as he got closer to the boat.

That drew their attention, men in rough clothing and a few unsteady survivors rushing over to look. Rigel drew me on, and I looked up. "Please, help us! Take him up first!" I could keep swimming after I had drifted for so long, but Rigel had been swimming for hours.

"Leave him!" A woman cried, "We don't have the room!"

I almost began weeping again when one of the men, a fisherman I assumed, shoved her aside from the railing. "He's been out here as long as she has, we're taking them both." His voice was kind as he leaned over to speak to me. "Just a moment Miss, I'll have a harness tied for him and we can pull him up that way."

My fingers were clumsy when he tossed the hastily tied rope to me, looping it around Rigel's chest and hips. He whined when two of the men drew him up, water shedding off his coat in waves as he struggled against it. But then he was on, and I wanted to cry in happiness that he was safe. The rope was tossed back down, and I had a death grip in it as they pulled me up and I collapsed to the deck. Rigel was on me in an instant, snuffling and licking, his tail throwing water over everyone clustered on the small deck.

The man who had hauled me up knelt down, "Everything alright?"

Considering the way my legs were burning, and I could move all of my limbs, I nodded. "It seems to be."

"We're headed back soon, just hang on." He smiled, gesturing for one of his crewmembers to hand him a blanket that he tossed over me. "Don't look over the side, we're passing through a lot who weren't so lucky."

"It's not the first time I've seen bodies." I muttered, but I didn't look. I wasn't the only one, they'd picked up half a dozen before me and none of us took our eyes off the decking as they moved slowly through the field. It was dark by the time we turned back towards Ireland, and I huddled against the railing as we did. Rigel lay down by me, panting but otherwise in good shape.

The Queenstown docks were crowded when we pulled up, officials and townspeople swarming over the ship to get a look at all of us. One man elbowed his way through, taking all of our names for the list of survivors. The townspeople were there to help as much as they could it seemed, offering their own homes to house us.

Apparently, the hotels were already full.

None of them approached me though, not with a large dog at my feet. I had resigned myself to a night in the train station, when the fisherman who had brought me the blanket paused. "Miss, do ye need a place?"

I pulled the blanket from my shoulders, trying not to shiver. "I'll be fine, it's alright."

"Wouldn't be Christian to not take you in," He shook out the blanket again, tossing it around my shoulders. "Especially after that."

I ducked my head, "It's only one night, I'll be fine in the station. I need to get to Southampton; my husband is waiting. He only has a few weeks before he has to go back to his ship, so I need to get to him!"

"Ye'll freeze," He gently took me by my shoulders, pulling me down the dock. "It's no problem, I can assure you of that. My Kelly has dinner on already, and with six mouths to feed, what's one more?"

My savior, who I later learned was named Jimmy, didn't mind waiting for me as I rushed into a wireless office to send messages to Will and Mother. In fact, he was rather pleased to have a moment to dote on Rigel. Rigel took to him well, trotting along with us as we reached the cramped house where Jimmy lived.

Kelly Donnell took one look at me, and pushed me into her chair at the table before piling my plate with food. Her children, a pair of boys and a pair of girls, listened in awe as their father related the tale of my rescue, even as Rigel was given a baked fish to eat for dinner, leaving us to content with some boiled beef and cabbage. When it came to sleeping arrangements, I didn't have the heart to accept the offers of their beds. A patched sofa was enough for me, especially with Rigel draped over me.

We both slept deeply, and Jimmy wound up having to shake me awake. "I figured you'd want an early train." He hurried me along, handing me a heel of bread that I gnawed on as we moved through the town. Jimmy seemed to know the quickest way to the station, although he did pause outside a church. The door was open, and there was a flow of people entering and leaving. He looked to me, "Would you mind? I, I'd like to give thanks for being able to help yesterday."

I ducked my head, "I can wait out here, I'm afraid I'm Lutheran."

Jimmy gently took my arm, "At this point, I doubt God cares about denomination." He led me inside, setting me up in an alcove that contained a statue of the Virgin Mary, surrounded by hundreds of dancing flames from votive candles. Jimmy nodded to her, "I think she wouldn't mind if you said a quick prayer."

I was still clutching Rigel's leash, but no one seemed to care that he accompanied me. An elderly nun, handing candles to those who approached, even pet him while I lit my candle from the others. I stared up at the figure above me, her dark hair hidden under her blue veil and her eyes kind as she looked down. I slipped the candle into a holder, closing my eyes.

I don't know how to do this, but I hope you don't mind. I'm glad to have survived, I'm glad to be on my way to Will. Please, please help me make it to him. Please look out for him, and for all his friends. I know neither of us, nor the Lightollers, are Catholic, but a little extra care couldn't hurt. I want to make it through this, I want to go home with my husband. I know you're supposed to look out for mothers, and I hope that when I become one, you'll look out for me. And for my family.

I muttered a hasty Amen as I backed away from the small alcove. The smell of incense was heavy in the air as I turned back to the large chapel, quickly spotting Jimmy standing with a priest. He was an older man, and he gave me a smile as he approached. "It sounds as if you've had a trying time, my child."

I looked away, "Father, I'm afraid I'm-"

"In need of some help," The priest leaned in, giving me a wink. "James has told me all, no need to worry there." He held out a hand, revealing a small collection of silver medallions. "For you and yours, Nicholas for your husband, Christopher for you, and Francis for this one." He knelt down, reaching into his cassock and pulling out a vial. He placed a few drops on Rigel's head, and placed his hands on either side of it. "Father, look kindly upon this wonderful creature of yours and the ones who care for him. Bless him and his with long and happy lives, with health and comfort. As Francis showed us, you are in all of your creation and we rejoice in this life here."

Jimmy helped him back to his feet, "Thank you, Father."

"Oh, it was no problem." The priest smiled, "Now, I believe she has a train to catch."

I stopped Jimmy on the doorstep of the church, "Is there a donation bin?" Jimmy pointed it out, then turned beet red when I shoved my hand down my corset and pulled out my still wet purse. I shoved a hundred dollars into the bin, and then turned to him with another in my hand. "Here, for your family."

He shook his head, backing away. "Miss, please, we don't need charity."

"It's not charity." I stepped up, wrapping his hand around the bill. "It's thanks, so your family can be taken care of while this is over." He didn't move, and I sighed. "I have plenty of money, please, you helped me."

"I didn't expect anything out of it!" Jimmy tried to move, but I followed. "You can't make me."

"Then I'll go back and give it to Kelly," I chuckled, "I'm sure she'd be glad to have it to supplement her grocery bill."

Jimmy grumbled at that, but he pocketed the bill. He groused at me the rest of the trip to the train station, but grew quiet once we reached it. Crowds of people had flooded in, survivors and reporters all mixed together. I left Jimmy on the step with my address in Southampton, and a request to write me if his family needed anything at all.

I wound up on a later train to Dublin, and was lucky to get a small hotel room for the night. Rigel had a few pieces of stringy mutton, while I was introduced to an Irish beer by the name of Guinness. The hotel apologized, their supplies of wine were gone and it was all they had. I found it rather bitter, but still enjoyable. It fortified me for the crossing to Liverpool the next day, a gray and blustery morning that made me hide inside for the majority of the time.

By the time my train from Liverpool pulled into the station in London, I was flagging. A slight delay in the trains allowed me to purchase a sandwich, which I split with Rigel, before I found a place to sit on the boat train.

It was there that I met Lieutenant Campbell, the most distasteful man I had met in Britain. He had nothing on the men back home though. It was child's play to ignore him, to allow Rigel to almost bite him and I enjoyed watching how he grew angrier and angrier as his perfectly cultured manners made no impact on me. Compared to Henry and Zachary, Campbell was an amateur and it was nothing to get away from him when we arrived in Southampton.

This station was more crowded, and I whirled around in search of Will. There was no way that he wasn't there, he had to be. He promised to meet me, and I knew he would never break that. Rigel gave a bark, and then I saw him. Will was the most handsome man I had ever seen, even if he was pale and his eyes were red rimmed. When he held me in his arms, I wept.

I was safe.

"And you know the rest." I muttered, swiping at my eyes. I had been crying the whole time and I had finished the whiskey after relating Alfred's final moments. Will had moved his chair closer as I told everything, wrapping one arm around me as he wrote everything down.

He pressed a kiss to my temple, "Ana, I'm so sorry you went through that."

"I should have done more." I turned to press my face to his shoulder, "I should have stopped Alfred. He could still be alive." I glared as I thought of the money clip. "I should have grabbed something meaningful, his watch or pictures of his children, not that damn clip."

"They'll be glad to have it." Will clutched me closer, "It will mean a lot to them."

I drew a shaky breath, "Will, you promised that after-"

"I know, but I must ask for a delay." He chuckled, "You need to sleep after this, and I have a feeling it won't be a restful night after dredging up all these memories." He stood, drawing me up to hold me tight. "But Ana, I promise, you will never go through that again. When this is over, we will go back to New York and it will all be safe."

I wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his scent and slowly calming. "All of us, safe and sound."

"Safe and sound, with no icebergs or U-boats to bother us."