Chapter Fourteen

Edward groaned and rolled from his side to his back, stretching his hand across the bed for Bella. But when the only thing he felt was the coldness of the sheets, he leaned onto his elbow and looked around the room. She had been there, hadn't she? She'd shown up, found his medication, and finally gave him the courage to be honest with her . . . hadn't she?

He shifted onto the side of the bed, but before he could stand, the door to the bathroom opened, and she walked out. She was still wearing his T-shirt, and her hair was down and framing her face. God, she was more beautiful than ever. He didn't deserve her, he thought. He should do the right thing and let her go. Save her the heartache of losing him.

But he was selfish.

"Hey," she whispered, biting her lip. "Are you feeling better?"

He nodded. "I don't feel like someone is stabbing me with a knife today, so . . ." He stood, groaning at the soreness radiating through him. "What time is it?"

"Almost noon."

"Oh, shit, I was supposed to be at the Bistro an hour ago," he mumbled, searching for his phone.

"Jasper called when you didn't show up. I told him you were still asleep. He said he'd handle the delivery."

"Oh, thanks."

"You're welcome." Bella grabbed her pants off the chair next to the bathroom. "I, um, I guess I should go."

"Why?" he asked, panicking.

"You have to get ready for an appointment."

"You could come with me."

Her eyes widened.

"Of course, you don't have to. Sorry," he rambled, sitting on the bed and dragging his hands through his hair. "I'll understand, you know?"

"You'll understand what?"

"If you don't want to see me anymore."

Bella sat next to him, pulling one of his hands down and threading her fingers with his. "That's not what I want."

"No?"

She shook her head. "But I won't lie, Edward, I'm scared that if I stay . . ."

"Yeah, I know." Edward pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, for . . . for leading you on. For the first time in almost a year, I felt alive, and I didn't want to lose that feeling, I guess."

"There's nothing they can do? Surgery? Or radiation? Chemotherapy?"

"Where the tumor is located is . . . It's too dangerous. Radiation and chemo would give me a few more months if I'm lucky."

She nodded.

"Can I at least take you for lunch before this ends?"

"I don't want this to end, Edward. I love you," she whimpered.

"I love you, too, Bella, I do, but . . . It's not fair to string you along. To be just another man who leaves you behind."

"Well, I guess that's my burden to deal with, isn't it?"

"Bella."

"Go shower. You kind of smell like puke and sweat. I'll go with you to your appointment, and then we can have dinner. We'll, I don't know, take it one day at a time."

"You're not going to leave once I'm in the shower, are you?"

She smiled. "No, love. I promise."

Edward didn't look like he believed her but stood and hurried into the bathroom. Once she heard the shower turn on, she went into the living room to dig her phone out of her bag. She had several missed calls along with a dozen texts from both Alice and Carlisle. Sighing, she sat on the couch and sent them each a message telling them she was fine. She'd spent much of her life lying to them; why stop now?

Because the last thing Bella Swan was in that moment was fine.

—WSHB—

Edward was sure Bella would be gone when he walked out of the bathroom and didn't see her in his bedroom, so imagine his surprise when he found her curled up on the couch. He felt relieved, yet, at the same time, he felt guilty for trapping her in a life with him. He had told himself a thousand times that he should let her go, that she would be better off without him. Yet, he held on. Let himself fall in love with her.

"Do I still stink?"

She smiled as she stood and walked over to him, leaning forward and sniffing. "Nope."

"Thank God," he chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"Are you sure you want to go with me?"

"No," she admitted.

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. I . . . I think I need to hear it from the doctor myself that . . . that there's nothing left to try."

"Guess I would feel the same if I were in your shoes."

"I need to stop by my apartment and change. I wasn't planning on staying last night. Maybe I'll pack a bag with enough for a few days," she hinted, eyeing him closely.

Edward smiled. "Yeah?"

She nodded.

"Okay."

—WSHB—

Bella had hoped Alice would be at work when they got to her apartment, so she inwardly groaned when she saw the black Volkswagen still parked in its usual space. She wasn't in the mood to deal with her, to deal with her judgement over how she chose to live her life. Maybe it was her own fault for being too fragile, too dependent on Alice, on Carlisle to keep her from falling apart. If she found out that Edward was sick, Alice would never understand why she was spending her time with him.

"You okay?"

Bella looked at Edward. "Yeah, I, um, kind of had a fight with my friend yesterday before I came over."

"What about?"

"Well, you actually."

His eyes widened. "Me?"

Bella nodded. "She's very protective of me. You know, because of what I went through with my dad. She doesn't like Carlisle, doesn't think I should be wasting my time working at R&R, and doesn't think I should be spending time with you after the way I reacted that day at the Bistro."

"Oh."

"I thought she would be at work," she whispered, gesturing toward her Beetle. "But she's not."

"Maybe she's right about me."

"Edward!"

"I'm dying, Bella. I'm . . . I'm dying, and it's not fair to expect you to be with me."

"That's my decision, and you and Alice don't get to make it for me."

"Kind of my decision, too, don't you think? I mean, I'm in this relationship, too."

"Are you saying you don't want to keep seeing me?" She was unable to keep the tremor out of her tone.

"Of course not. I love you, but . . ."

"No," she argued. "No, Edward, no! You don't get to push me away. Not after making me fall in love with you!"

"Okay, okay, just calm down." Edward grabbed her hand, which she'd been waving in front of her. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I . . . I'm not ready to let you go."

"I'm not ready to let you go either," he admitted. "I won't ever be ready."

Though Bella smiled, he could see the sadness behind her eyes. "Will you come in with me?"

He nodded.

When they walked into Bella's apartment, they found Alice seated on the couch with Carlisle standing in front of the window. The two glared at him before turning their angry stares at Bella. It was unusual for them to be together since neither hid their hatred for the other. More times than she could count, she'd had to mediate between them, knowing they both only wanted the best for her. The problem was they disagreed on how she should live her life.

"Where have you been?" Alice screeched, causing Edward to wince as he looked away.

"Shh, Al," Bella scolded before shifting toward him. "Are you okay?"

Once more, he nodded. "I'm always a little sensitive to loud noises after an episode."

She brought her hand to his face. "I'll be quick."

She placed a tender kiss on his lips before she hurried into her bedroom.

She had just grabbed an old, scruffy duffle bag out of her closet and placed it on her bed when the door opened. She sighed when she saw Carlisle.

"I don't have time to argue with you."

"I'm not here to fight, sugar." He put his hands up. "I'm worried about you."

She sighed.

"Alice said you two got in a fight."

"Did she tell you why?"

Carlisle grimaced. "Yeah."

"He makes me happy, Carlisle, and she doesn't like it."

"I know, but it's not like you to go off the grid all night. You could have let me know you were all right. She called me in a damn panic, and you know if she calls me, that can only mean she's freaking out."

"I'm sorry, I should have. But things . . . Well, things are kind of . . ." Bella sat on the bed. "I love him. I love him so much, and I'm scared because I've never felt like this before."

"Does he love you back?"

She nodded.

"Then don't let him go, sugar."

She couldn't keep the tears from falling.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, sitting and pulling her into his arms.

But she couldn't tell him. If he knew Edward was sick, that he was dying, he would never support her decision to stay by his side. And whether Bella wanted to admit it or not, she was jumping in with both feet.

She would hold onto Edward until he took his last breath. And that just made her cry even harder because she didn't want to live in a world where Edward didn't exist.

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