A/N: Yes I know the chapter is late! I was sick! I'm sorry! Have you ever tried writing a slow burn while sick? It's not fun!
Disclaimer: ababababababa
With Iroh out of the room, Ursa allowed herself to kneel and look through the more personal contents of her wardrobe. Her jewelry, so cheap compared to what she wore as a princess. Some childhood belongings, including a few dress-up dolls that hadn't been played with in ages, although her favorite hippo-cow was oddly missing.
A box of love letters from Ikem.
She knew it was wrong, seeing as she was a married woman, but her heart still throbbed painfully. The love for Ikem that she'd desperately tried to bury when she'd left Hira'a had begun slowly fighting its way to the surface as she'd returned to her childhood home, and now it demanded to be acknowledged. Iroh had left to bathe, hadn't he? Surely she could indulge a few old memories in private, especially since there was no way she would actually see Ikem again. Only her parents' house, Iroh had told her.
To the most beautiful woman in town, Ursa (or should I call you Dragon Empress now since the role is basically yours?),
I'm blown away by your performance today. I can't believe I get to-
Her vision blurred over with tears, and she crumpled up the paper before she could read the rest. The last note he'd ever given her, slipped into her pocket after they'd rehearsed together the night before auditions for Love Amongst The Dragons. The Dragon Emperor and Empress, their dream roles: won and then torn away so quickly…
"Ursa," her mother's whisper pulled her attention away from the heart-rending memories. She was standing in the doorway, eyes wide and anxious, beckoning for Ursa to join her. Haphazardly, Ursa shoved everything back into the wardrobe, a strange guilt adding to the pain in her chest.
"What is it, Mom? Do you need help with dinner?"
"Come with me," she said, voice low and urgent. "It's important."
Confused, and a little apprehensive, Ursa got to her feet and followed her mother past the kitchen, into her parents' bedroom. Her mother shut and locked the door behind them, checked that the windows were closed and covered, then knelt to pull up a floorboard by the bed.
Anxiety spiking, Ursa quickly moved to help. "What's going on?"
"I need to show you something. Something you can't tell him."
There was no need to ask who 'him' was. Dread joined the guilt, curdling unpleasantly. "You want me to keep a secret? From my husband, the crown prince?"
"It's for your own good." Floorboards removed, her mother pulled out, of all things, a Pai Sho set. Ursa frowned at the sight.
"Mom, what's the big deal? Iroh plays Pai Sho. He's even been teaching me."
"This is more than just a game, love. But it's good that he's teaching you. It gives you an excuse to know it." Hands shaking slightly, she opened up the bag of tiles. "Please, watch this. Memorize it. I promise it's important."
Her mother was a bit unsteady as she started placing tiles on the board, beginning with a white lotus at the center, but then picked up the pace as she seemed to grow more confident in her moves. Obediently, Ursa watched the pattern form, her mother adding to each side of the board one tile at a time until the two halves joined to create an image of a flower with the white lotus tile at its core.
"Normally, two people form this by taking turns placing titles. The guest starts with the white lotus tile in the middle, then has the first move and initiates the creation of the pattern. The host follows the guest's moves to create it," her mother explained. "The guest has to be able to do it without asking the host for help. The host cannot offer hints or guidance to the guest. Understand?"
"Okay, but what kind of play is this? Who even wins, the host or the guest?"
"It's not really a winning play. It's more of a show of teamwork." Her mother carefully scooped the tiles off the board. "There's a dialogue that goes with it. You should know it as well. Here, pretend you're the guest." She handed Ursa the white lotus tile. "Put it down on the board."
Still lost, Ursa did as she was told, sliding the tile into the center of the board like her mother had.
"Then the host will say, 'I see you favor the white lotus flower. Not many appreciate the beauty of nature's perseverance.' And the guest will reply, 'Those who do can always see clearly through the woods.' Got it?"
"Yes."
"Repeat the lines back to me."
Ursa obeyed, reminded of when her mother had helped her memorize her lines for school plays.
"Good. Now, lay out the pattern as the guest."
If this was like practicing for a play, then laying out the pattern was just a piece of intricate blocking. With that mindset, Ursa began recreating the flower, taking note of how her mother mirrored her tiles on the board. The host follows the guest's moves. The corners of the pattern proved challenging - her mother tapped the correct spots and made her start over when she hesitated - but eventually, the complete image stared up at them.
"Tell me the lines again," her mother ordered. Ursa obeyed, earning a curt nod of approval. "Good." With that, the tiles were swept back into their bag.
"Mom, I still don't understand what-"
"You'll understand when you need to," her mother cut her off, pulling a second pouch out from the floor before placing the Pai Sho set back in its hiding spot and securing it once more. "Knowing too much too soon might bring you harm. Even this much…I'm only telling you because I really think it'll be important. But you can't mention any of this to him."
"Why do I need to know it then?" Ursa asked, queasiness overtaking her at the thought of hiding this from Iroh for the rest of her life.
Her mother's urgency softened, and she gently touched Ursa's face. "I wish you didn't," she whispered. "I really hoped you wouldn't have to. I thought perhaps I'd hidden well enough. Now I know I was foolish to believe so, but at least I have the chance to pass on some of the things I should have taught you sooner. Remember them, Sunshine. Hold them close. They'll make sense when it's time."
Even through her confusion, Ursa felt a lump form in her throat at the sadness in her mother's eyes. She'd tried so hard to give Ursa a normal life, without any appreciation for it, and it had all been in vain. "Okay. I will."
Blinking rapidly, her mother got to her feet and found her jewelry box on her dresser. "Here," she handed it to Ursa. "Take it."
"Mom, I can't possibly-"
"I want you to have it. The only reason I was holding on to these was to pass them down to you someday. I know you have much nicer things in the palace, but some of these are family heirlooms." She opened the box and nudged the white lotus tile that was sitting on top. "You should keep it with you. You'll know when to use it."
"Alright." Ursa hesitantly accepted the box and closed the lid, trying not to think about the mystery of the white lotus tile and hiding its meaning from Iroh. "It means a lot, Mom. I'll be careful with it."
"Good." Her mother picked up the second pouch and tucked it in her sleeve. "Now, go get ready for dinner. Don't let your husband think anything's amiss. We need to make sure we're appropriately grateful for his generosity."
"You don't have to worry about that so much. Iroh's a kind man. The Fire Lord was the one who ordered me to stop talking to you, and Iroh even convinced him to change his mind." Her unease settled a bit as she spoke, remembering how upset Iroh had gotten on her behalf when he'd discovered Azulon's order to cut off ties with her past.
"The prince might be kind compared to his father, dear, but that does not make him someone we shouldn't worry about. Not with our families' history. Be careful."
Ursa wanted to ask more about that history, but her mother's pursed lips told her she wasn't going to get answers right now. Nodding, she turned to leave, mentally weighing the Iroh she knew against her mother's warning and the white lotus tile in her newly-acquired jewelry box.
Iroh, cont.
Ursa's parents, may they rest in peace, were good people. Sometimes I think that in another life, where Rina might have claimed her identity as Avatar Roku's daughter with pride, she and her family would have held the status they deserved in Fire Nation society. I could have even met Ursa that way too, as a young noblewoman at a garden party where we might've done the normal thing and fallen for each other before marriage. But then, I think that life in Hira'a might have been what suited them best. Hira'a helped make Ursa into the woman I love: a commoner actress with passion and a big heart rarely seen in the capital. And her parents are finally receiving some of the credit they're due in the aftermath of the war.
Reuniting Ursa with them made a world of difference in our marriage, it's true, but it made a difference to each of us as people too. Returning home put Ursa back in touch with who she used to be, the parts of herself that had been sanded down for the sake of becoming a princess. It reintroduced me to her as her own person on her home turf. It forced me to realize, for the first time, just how little I actually knew of her. Subconsciously, I had to reckon with how the little I knew had still been enough to stoke my affection for her beyond what I was willing to acknowledge.
Well, I ended up being forced to acknowledge it thanks to that first visit.
Laughter echoed in the dining room, warming the atmosphere along with the gentle lamplight as a freshly-bathed Iroh approached the sounds and smells of a family reminiscing over a home-cooked meal. Jinzuk had a hearty laugh, one that seemed to burst out of him uncontrollably as he kept restarting the same story about some silly dream Ursa'd had as a girl and failing miserably. Rina was quieter, breathier, gasps of laughs escaping her like she was trying to hold them back. And Ursa…he'd thought he knew her laugh well, but it was more vibrant here than he'd ever heard it, echoing like birdsong off the walls while she tried to argue with her dad.
"No!" Ursa shrieked, reaching over and snatching something away from Jinzuk as Iroh walked into the scene. "Dad! Don't be embarrassing."
"Come on, Sunshine, surely your husband should meet one of the most important men of your childhood." Jinzuk dissolved into giggles again while his wife swatted at him for the remark, her own smile playing on her lips.
"Who am I meeting?" Iroh asked, feeling awkward about not being in on the joke. Still, it was hard for the feeling to persist: the family's joy at being reunited had clearly overcome the deference they'd been trying to show Iroh, and he was determined to make sure it stayed that way. He was here to escort Ursa and maybe get to know his in-laws a little, not to pull the attention away from her time with her family.
"No one," Ursa insisted, putting something behind her back in a clear effort to keep him from seeing it.
"His name is Captain Moop-"
"Dad!" She turned bright red as she screeched, her voice drowning out her father's laughing attempt to embarrass her. "Stop it!"
Smiling, Iroh sat cross-legged between Ursa and her father at the low dining table, dutifully not looking at the object she quickly hid in her sleeves. She'd changed into a nightgown and robe, providing ample cover. "If what you two have is just that special, I understand," he told her teasingly.
"Don't you start," she whined. Thankfully, most of her melancholy from earlier seemed to have been forgotten as she matched Iroh's banter.
"I said I understand."
"You're mocking me," she huffed, turning to her mother. "Mom, can't we eat yet? I'm so hungry."
It was hard to disagree with Ursa's declaration of hunger as Rina nodded and began to uncover the serving dishes of hot food. A day on the road had a way of doubling his already hearty appetite. Iroh's eyes surveyed the spread, taking note of what he assumed were Ursa's favorites: the aforementioned stir-fried cauliflower, broccoli tempura, loco moco with what seemed to be deer-pig, spicy chicken skin skewers not unlike those Ursa had ordered at the inn, and an assortment of candied fruits for dessert.
"The mangos around here aren't as sweet as they should be this time of year, or I would have made your mango custard," Rina said apologetically to Ursa.
"It's okay, Mom. We actually had mango sticky rice at the inn we stopped at for lunch, so I've had my mango fix." Ursa rose to her knees to serve herself some food before taking Iroh's plate and adding generous helpings of chicken and vegetables before he could protest. It came so easily to her, slipping out of her princess persona. Iroh suddenly felt embarrassed that he was still being catered to as a prince.
"I'm astounded at how quickly this delicious meal came together," he said to Rina, who sat across the table from him. "We've hardly been here for half an hour."
"Oh, I already had the chicken and vegetables prepped for tonight's dinner anyway. The candied fruit hardly takes ten minutes, and loco moco is an extremely adaptable dish. Have you ever tried it?"
"Ursa's introduced it to our family dinners, but the palace kitchen typically prepares it with cuts of hippo-ox."
"Hippo-ox." Rina shook her head with a smile, glancing at her daughter. "You really have been eating like a queen."
"It gets old fast," Ursa complained. "Do you know how heavy hippo-ox is? I can never have as much of it as I want. Not like when you cook deer-pig." She eyed the loco moco on the table greedily. Deer-pig was a commoner meat, Iroh knew, but it smelled just as good as any luxury meat right now. And clearly, Ursa preferred her mother's cooking. He chewed carefully, trying to memorize the flavors and sensations of his wife's favorite foods. If deer-pig was what she liked best, maybe he could convince the palace kitchen to include it for her, even if the Fire Lord would turn his nose up at it.
"My daughter tells me you are a lover of tea, Prince Iroh," Rina said politely. "I'm afraid I don't have any jasmine at the moment, but I could present you with a cup of chrysanthemum after dinner if it would please you."
"Of course. Anything is fine, as long as it's made with care. And I understand you grow lovely chrysanthemums. I've heard a thing or two about the wonders of your greenhouse from Ursa."
"I don't know about 'wonders,' but I certainly try to make good use of nature's gifts. Though I'm sure my efforts pale in comparison to the capital's gardens." Rina's modesty was not unusual; Iroh had received similar attitudes many times before in conversations with local officials. The difference was, he got the sense she actually meant it.
"I actually don't think we keep chrysanthemums in the royal garden, do we?" Iroh glanced at Ursa, who would know for sure with her eye for plants and affinity for the garden.
She shook her head with a mouthful of cauliflower, before swallowing and responding. "No. But the rose bushes are lovely, and the berries are amazing. The freshly-squeezed juice Chef Aisha makes out of them is almost as good as Dad's."
Jinzuk smiled. "Oh, I'm sure I can't compete with a royal chef."
"It's very close," Ursa replied, grinning mischievously.
The family laughed at that, and Iroh allowed himself to join them. Vaguely, he remembered a time when his own parents had been like this: his mother the one with the loud laugh that coaxed a smaller answering one out of his stoic father. Nowadays, the Fire Lord would give his son a genuine smile if he was in a good mood and Iroh said the right things, but his laughter had pretty much evaporated after his wife's death. This - a family dining together happily - was something Iroh hadn't realized he'd been missing. Had this been the norm for Ursa? How strange did she find the royal family, with their passive-aggression and arguments and army of servers hovering over dinner each night?
"Is it difficult growing chrysanthemums?" Iroh asked Rina. "Are they sensitive plants?"
"Not at all. They're very resilient. I actually had Ursa raise them for her first solo gardening project when she started showing interest in helping me in the greenhouse more. I knew they would handle anything she did to them."
"Hey, I did great on that!" Ursa protested. "They sold like hotcakes. Dad, you remember, right?"
"It seems to escape me," Jinzuk said drily as he polished off a skewer.
"Liar," she huffed. "Iroh, I told you this story. All the stuff I did: getting up early, making fertilizer from scratch?"
"I remember," he assured her, leaving out the part where she'd cried about how badly she missed Hira'a after telling it. "I have trouble believing it though, considering how much you hate getting up early."
Ursa made an indignant noise and turned away from him, sulkingly shoving a large helping of rice into her mouth.
"Oh, we're just teasing." Rina reached over from Ursa's other side and stroked her daughter's hair. "She did very well, for her first project. She's a wonderful gardener. Not that a princess needs such things."
"One of the luxuries of being a princess is that she can indulge in such things for pleasure, of course," Iroh pointed out. "The garden could always use new plants, Ursa. Why don't you bring some of your mother's chrysanthemum seeds back and plant them in the spring?"
Both mother and daughter looked at him with wide eyes, and he decided at that moment Ursa really did look more like her mother. Her father's high forehead threw off the resemblance to an idle viewer, but the eyes, the mouth and chin, were all distinctly Rina.
"I can do that?" Ursa asked, once she'd gulped down her rice. "Bring in new plants?"
"Well, yes. You spend the most time in the garden anyway, and it falls under your purview as the future Fire Lady."
"Huh." The idea must have legitimately never occurred to her before, because her eyes lit up like she'd glimpsed a new world. "I guess I have a lot of new plants to bring back to the capital, then."
"I can't wait to see them," he said sincerely.
Loco moco with deer-pig turned out to be delicious, and much lighter than hippo-ox, like Ursa had said. Iroh gently probed Jinzuk and Rina with inoffensive questions, trying to learn more about their lives and Ursa's childhood, but he found he couldn't keep his gaze off Ursa herself for very long. She was more animated here than he'd ever seen her: rolling her eyes overdramatically, pulling faces at her parents when they shared embarrassing details, laughing with her dad so hard she let out a very undignified snort and then clasped a hand over her mouth while continuing to giggle uncontrollably. It was the kind of thing Yuna would have reprimanded Iroh for as a boy. Perhaps she'd done the same to Ursa, and that's why he'd never met this side of her. Or perhaps Ursa had simply never felt at home in the palace, even though it was technically her home now.
Maybe she could only be this way here, in her childhood home. Maybe this Ursa would vanish once they left Hira'a, replaced by the princess mask that only let cracks of her true self shine through in guarded moments. Iroh had thought he'd gotten to know her somewhat well, considering how much of himself he'd shared with her, but seeing her now made him realize how mistaken he was.
"Alright," Rina said as everyone's plates cleared, "Why don't you young ones make yourselves comfortable in the back, and I'll brew up that tea I promised?"
"Mom, let us help clean up at least." Ursa moved to stand; and at that crucial moment, the secret object fell out of her sleeve, landing next to Iroh.
It was a stuffed hippo-cow, staring up at him with large bead eyes and picture-perfect black and white fur. Ursa squeaked and dropped back down to snatch it away while her father laughed in the background. "Don't look!"
"I wouldn't dream of it," Iroh said with a smile as she protectively cradled it away from him. "But I have to say, I'm a little sad you don't want me to get to know someone so important to you. What's his name?"
With a theatrical sigh, she held the toy out to him. "His name is Captain Moopotamous, and I named him when I was three, so you can keep your comments to yourself."
"I have no comments." Iroh playfully turned the toy this way and that, pretending to examine it. "He's very handsome. What's this scar on the side of his belly?"
"That's from when one of the stray cats got ahold of him. Dad had to stitch him back up because Mom was observing a patient overnight, and I wouldn't go to sleep without him." She lowered her voice. "Dad's not a great seamstress."
"I believe I did a good job considering the circumstances," Jinzuk retorted from where he was helping his wife gather up dishes. "Don't forget, I won you that thing to begin with at the summer solstice festival."
"I didn't forget," Ursa said. "You're the one keeping it on display in your office now that I'm gone, anyway. I think you won it for yourself."
Jinzuk shook his head and followed Rina into the kitchen. "Show your husband the back!" he called. "Make sure that ostrich-horse is still there."
Ursa rolled her eyes but picked up Captain Moopotamous and beckoned for Iroh to follow her out into the night. The beast was thankfully still where Jinzuk had left it, tied to the family's shed, although it squawked and pawed at the ground when it saw Iroh. "Aw, he missed you," Ursa joked.
"Give me a komodo rhino over this beaked menace any day," Iroh grumbled, not enjoying the way it was eying him while Ursa checked its ties and made sure it had enough water for the night.
"Do you want me to take the reins tomorrow morning?" she teased.
"Not needed. Tomorrow's journey will be shorter. We'll meet the festival procession about an hour away and proceed to Ningzhou from there. I figured that way we wouldn't have to leave here terribly early, and you can sleep in."
"How considerate of you." She smiled at him, and the unadulterated warmth of it spread through his chest.
"Ursa, Prince Iroh," Rina's voice and the scent of chrysanthemum called his attention away from the small moment with his wife. "Here's your tea." Jinzuk stepped out onto the back porch with her, balancing a tray of teacups and brushing off Rina's efforts to help him.
Brightening, Ursa practically skipped over and took a cup from her father's tray, before seating herself comfortably with her legs swinging over the edge of the porch in a very girlish fashion. The stuffed hippo-cow remained clutched protectively in her arms as she sipped her tea and sighed happily.
"Thank you," Iroh said to Jinzuk and Rina as he accepted a cup. "A brew from the greenhouse, I assume?"
"Indeed. I hope it's up to your standards," Rina said.
"Don't beat yourself up if it's not, Mom." Ursa winked at Iroh as he sat next to her. "The crown prince is very particular about his tea."
"That's only when I'm in the palace," he defended himself. "I'm flexible on the road. And it's an honor to share a meal and a drink with my in-laws."
Rina smiled at that, but there was something strained in it. She hadn't warmed up to him as much as Jinzuk, who sat on Ursa's other side with a beaming smile and toasted her and Iroh playfully. Iroh could only assume it was because Rina was the one who was actually related to the Avatar, and therefore had more of a reason to be cautious with the royal family. He studied the woman's shadow in the lamplight and wondered again what her father had told her.
"Not as good as Aisha's right?" Ursa teased, bringing him out of those thoughts.
"Not the same as Aisha's, but certainly good."
"He won't drink anyone's tea but Aisha's or his own when he's at the palace," she told her parents. "It was one of the first things he told me, at the wedding dinner - that's how important it is."
"That's not quite true. I drink your tea as well," he reminded her. She blushed, and he suddenly felt very self-conscious about saying such a thing in front of her parents.
"Well, a spouse is always an exception," Rina said good-naturedly, and Iroh didn't miss the way she was examining her daughter's pink face as she finally seated herself next to her husband. "Jinzuk always said he hated lemonade, until I told him it was my favorite. Now he makes it better than anyone I know."
"The secret ingredient is love, of course." Jinzuk kissed his wife on the cheek.
Love. The word had come up at the inn earlier, and again now. There was no love in this marriage - at best, there was tentative like - and the display of casual affection made Iroh acutely aware of the utter lack of it between him and Ursa. The even stranger thing, though, was the desire for that affection that cropped up inside him. His mother leaned over to press a kiss to his father's nose in the middle of a Pai Sho game, the mighty Fire Lord faltering in his strategy before playfully frowning at his very giggly, very pregnant wife, while Iroh lay half-asleep on the bed beside them building a tower out of their unused tiles-
That had been one of the last nights of his mother's life. He didn't know why he was remembering it now.
"Dad, couldn't we have some lemonade now, please?"
"You're having tea!"
"But I like your lemonade too," Ursa pouted. It was incredible, how evident it was that she'd grown up as a beloved only child and a daddy's girl. Jinzuk sighed and trudged off into the kitchen.
"Have some shame, ordering your father around," Iroh said to her in a mock-scold.
"He won't let me help. Just like Mom wouldn't either." Ursa put down her empty teacup and hugged Captain Moopotamus closer to herself. "It's like they forgot I'm an adult while I was gone." The irony of her complaining about such a thing while clutching her stuffed toy so protectively wasn't lost on Iroh, but he decided against pointing it out.
"We didn't forget, Sunshine. It's just that sometimes, we wish you weren't." Rina scooted closer to Ursa and Iroh and smiled at both of them. "But you are growing up, now that you're married and all. That's why I gave you my jewelry box; marriage is when heirlooms should be turned over to the next generation. And…" Suddenly seeming nervous, Rina pulled a pouch out from her sleeve. "Prince Iroh, I would like to give you something too."
"Oh, no," Iroh said at once. "I can't accept anything more from your family."
"This is rightfully yours." She reached into the pouch, looking anxious enough that Iroh was automatically on edge, and pulled out an ornate headpiece with a golden flame carved into each side. He noted the artistry at once: it was too fine for this little village. In fact, he was willing to bet…
"That is a royal artifact," he said, the sheer surprise blunting his statement. "How do you have it?"
"Please, Your Highness, I swear I didn't take it." Rina instinctively shrunk under the crown prince's interrogation, Ursa placing a protective hand on her mother's elbow and frowning at Iroh. "This was passed down to me from my father. He claimed it had been given to him by- by Fire Lord Sozin."
A small gasp slipped out of Ursa, mirroring the shock Iroh himself felt. Avatar Roku was a traitor to the nation who had attacked Fire Lord Sozin; how could his family hold such a gift from that same Fire Lord?
"Why was it given to him?" Iroh asked, softening his voice as it became evident how frightened Rina was to talk about this; not to mention how upset Ursa was getting at the sight of her mother's distress. He wanted to coax the Avatar's narrative around this headpiece out of Rina, regardless of how true it was. "I believe it came into your possession through your family line. I'm just curious about your father's story."
"He said that when he was leaving to travel the world and train as the Avatar, his…best friend at the time, then-crown prince Sozin, handed him his own headpiece as a remembrance." She held the headpiece out for Iroh with a trembling hand as she explained, Ursa between them gazing at the artifact with a still-stunned expression. "I have no idea if it's true. Either way, I would have given this to you sooner, but I feared punishment from the Fire Lord if he discovered I held a royal artifact. I apologize for waiting."
So Rina herself admitted she didn't if the story was true. Iroh didn't know how it could be; wouldn't such an important connection between the Avatar and the Fire Lord be part of the royal family's history studies? He accepted the headpiece from her and turned it over with careful examination. Ursa's eyes were keenly trained on him, mother and daughter waiting for his reaction.
"I understand," he said. "Thank you for returning this, and for your honesty. You needn't worry about punishment."
Relief washed across both women's faces, and Rina half-bowed even as Iroh protested the gesture. He wanted to ask Ursa if she'd heard the story before - if she believed it - but as good of an actress as she was, he didn't think she'd faked her shock at hearing this revelation. Especially not when she'd been so open and relaxed all evening. She caught his eye and smiled, something like gratitude in it.
"Put it on, crown prince," she told him. "Let's see how it looks."
With a chuckle, he did just that, sliding it over his topknot and slotting the hairpin into place. It was bigger than his usual headpiece, and that detail made him feel taller. "What do you think?" he asked her.
"Very regal," Ursa said, Rina nodding politely in agreement. He was inordinately pleased by the compliment.
"Perhaps it's time to go back to the traditional design."
"Only if I can have a matching one," she joked, eyes sparkling.
"I'm sure that could be arranged."
Now that she'd passed the headpiece back to Iroh and been pardoned, Rina seemed to finally relax around him. Still, he could see what Ursa had meant when she'd described her mother as the practical, more reserved parent. She seemed rather content to sit and listen to Ursa's animated storytelling, drinking in the sight of her daughter next to her once again. Iroh wondered how quiet the house had been without Ursa to fill it with her sunshine.
At some point, Jinzuk returned with glasses of lemonade. Iroh politely sipped at his, eyes slowly growing heavier from the warm tea in his belly and the brunt of the day's travel finally hitting him. Ursa, however, seemed far from sleep even as she leaned on her dad's shoulder and talked, describing a detailed itinerary of the Autumn Festival and all the plans she'd made. She was probably due for some time alone with her parents, now that he'd dined with them and even received a family heirloom from Rina.
"I'm going to head to bed, if you don't mind," he said to Ursa. "Don't feel the need to join me. You can sleep in since I'll just be up at dawn and can wake you when it's time to go."
"Ah, another early riser," Rina said fondly. "I'll likely be following your lead soon and let these two gossip until midnight. It's what they do best."
Ursa rolled her eyes. "Weirdos," she said with no real venom. "You can take the bed in my room, Iroh."
"You know I'm not going to, and you can't stop me." He smiled when she huffed at him. "Good night, Magistrate Jinzuk, Madam Rina."
The family resumed its chatter, the sounds muffled as he slid the backdoor shut behind him. It felt oddly lonely to be walking away - part of him wanted to go back, to sit with them and integrate himself into Ursa's family further - but he resisted the urge. He needed his rest to make sure he and Ursa got back in time tomorrow morning, and the family deserved to be able to enjoy each other's company freely without worrying about the prince in their midst.
Still, he cracked open the window in Ursa's room so he could listen to their talking in the backyard. They now seemed to be going down a list of Ursa's friends and what they'd been up to since she'd left town. None of the names were familiar, of course, but it seemed they were all doing well except for missing her. Iroh wished she could be reunited with them too. Maybe, if she worked herself further into Azulon's good graces, next year she could be allowed to speak to some people besides her parents.
As he moved away from the window, his foot caught on a crumpled piece of paper next to the wardrobe. Odd, he hadn't noticed it in the room previously, and he'd done a rather thorough sweep. He picked it up, planning to discard it as trash, but then he caught sight of the words scribbled on the corner.
To the most beautiful woman in town, Ursa-
This was a letter to Ursa. It would be an invasion of her privacy to read it. But…who could be calling her beautiful? There was only one answer, and the thought of Ikem pushed aside his better instincts and smoothed out the letter.
To the most beautiful woman in town, Ursa (or should I call you Dragon Empress now since the role is basically yours?),
I'm blown away by your performance today. I can't believe I get to escort you off the stage every time you enchant the town with your passion and your grace. How lucky am I, Ikem (soon to be Dragon Emperor) to know Ursa beyond the stage, to hold her hand in the streets and dine with her family on slow nights? I'll never stop being thrilled by the wonder it is to love and be loved by you, Ursa. You're an empress in my heart, always, no matter how this audition goes. I'm just excited for the entire town to see the same thing about you when we perform these roles together. Break a leg tomorrow!
Love,
The most handsome man in town, Dragon Emperor Ikem
It was a nothing of a letter, really, barely more than a note. A quick scribble on parchment, casually crumpled up and forgotten in the corner of her room. And yet- and yet- Iroh's mind wouldn't stop racing against his better instincts, dissecting the message and analyzing its pieces.
A quick scribble on parchment- likely one of many, had she kept them all?
The Dragon Empress and Emperor- from Love Amongst The Dragons, Ursa's favorite play, the one where she'd won her dream role and then lost it when the Fire Lord came to town, meaning this had been written not long before she'd married Iroh.
Casually crumpled up and forgotten- it hadn't been here earlier, Iroh knew it hadn't been here earlier, he'd studied the room, had she dug it out and read it while he was gone? Was this what she'd been doing while he bathed: reminisce on Ikem, who'd called her his 'true love'?
I'll never stop being thrilled by the wonder it is to love and be loved by you, Ursa. You're an empress in my heart, always- Always? Did Ikem still love her, even after Ursa had spurned him and married a prince? Was Ursa asking after him right now, outside with her parents, away from her husband's attention? Iroh's ears strained to pick up the family's conversation, but the syllables of Ikem's name didn't float through the air.
The most handsome man in town- Ikem was taller and leaner than Iroh, he'd seen that much from the carriage the day he'd met Ursa. Iroh had inherited his mother's smaller, stouter stature rather than his father's imposing kingly build; he knew he could still be attractive to women, when he dressed well and showed off his strength, but he didn't have the effortless physical charm of men like his father and Ikem. Had Ursa noticed that too?
Had Ursa been reading this because she still longed for Ikem? It was one thing to know in his mind that she'd loved another man and likely still privately clung to that love. It was another thing to be confronted with the evidence of it so openly. He'd brought her here, to her parents' home, at great risk to his relationship with his father, and this was what she chose to do with the precious opportunity: dig up old love letters and read through them behind her husband's back-
Before he even recognized how dangerously heated he'd gotten, the letter in his hands burst into flame. It was too small, too delicate for him to save even as the regret - the guilt - slammed through him. The ashes slipped through his fingers, a piece of Ikem and Ursa's love gone forever.
He knew he had no right to destroy something so precious to his wife, even if it had been given to her by another man. Yet part of him wanted to open up her wardrobe and give any other mementos of Ikem hiding in there the same treatment.
Ikem.
It was his imagination playing tricks on him. He was irrationally upset about something that he'd already logically known, and now his mind was trying to convince him that he could hear Ursa's voice outside saying Ikem's name. It was just paranoia. That was why he was hyper focused on how the family's voices had dropped, like they were discussing something they knew Iroh shouldn't hear-
Stop it, he told himself, feeling his hands starting to heat up again. Stop it. He couldn't get angry here. Anger was for people who'd done something egregious: Ozai slipping Red Ash into wedding tea, Captain Zhou letting rapist guards run wild. Anger was not needed here. Iroh had promised himself long ago he would not be like his father with anger, wielding it at every perceived slight. And even the Fire Lady had never been subject to her husband's temper; not that Iroh knew of, at least. He was not about to break that tradition.
Breathe in, breathe out. Iroh closed his eyes and tried to focus on the other sounds around him. Cricket song. Night breeze. Not Ursa saying Ikem's name-
Perhaps he should shut the window. But even that didn't help him sleep, despite the facts that the room was a pleasant temperature once he'd stabilized his body heat, and the bedding on the floor was perfectly passable. He tossed and turned, alternating between trying to put thoughts of Ikem out of mind and still wanting to know more about the man; specifically, about Ursa's affection for him.
Eventually, after enough time that Iroh knew he was going to be very tired at daybreak, the backdoor slid open and shut once more. The family was turning in for the night. Footsteps padded down the hall, and he half-debated greeting Ursa as she came in. But she would only argue with him about the sleeping arrangements if she found him awake on the floor. Besides, if she saw his face, she might also see the guilt of what he'd done to that letter from Ikem.
He rolled onto his side, closing his eyes and evening out his breathing just as she opened the door. She slipped past him silently, light on her feet so as to not disturb him, and went straight to her cot. Thankfully, she'd opted not to rifle through more mementos of Ikem while she thought Iroh asleep. At least he had that small comfort.
She drifted off quickly, based on the sound of her breathing. Soft, slow, calm breaths, no whispers of nightmares accompanying them this time; they lulled Iroh to his own sleep soon enough.
Ursa, cont.
The thing about marrying so young - before the age of even twenty, in my case - is that young people do not necessarily know how to discuss or even understand the uncomfortable emotions that are bound to arise in a long-term relationship. This isn't to say that grown adults are always more capable, but usually having a few more years of experience can help prevent petty misunderstandings from spiraling out of control in a marriage.
Iroh and I - especially Iroh, to be honest - did not have those years of experience. Maybe if we had, some of the more regrettable events of that first Autumn Festival could have been avoided. I know he still feels bad, as much as I try to tell him that I've long since forgiven him for that first petty misunderstanding. But some scars just don't fade.
A/N: I'm optimistic I'll be back to Saturday updates after this one since I've pre-written good chunks of the next few chapters. If this one feels funky...again, I was sick, blame it on that. (Also, who wants to talk about how pretty live-action Suki is? I'm in love!)
~Bobbi