A/N: In the light of the FF website being down for the past couple days, this feels like a good time to mention that I am also on AO3, where updates are not interrupted by technical difficulties.
Disclaimer: We're starting to approach the part of the story where I'm just doing shit and seeing what happens, so obviously I'm not Bryke.
Her room was on fire.
Ursa shrunk against her headboard, the bed somehow the only thing spared by the tongues of flame swallowing up her surroundings. "Help!" she called, waiting for the rescue that had to come. There were guards right outside her door, weren't they? "Help me, please! Fire!"
Nothing. The fire raged on, starting to broach her bed now, smoldering the edge of her blankets. She hurriedly pulled her feet up, panic and smoke irritation clogging up her throat.
"Please help!" she cried, desperation setting in. The scar on her arm was throbbing, a painful reminder of the last time she'd been burned, and now the fire threatened to do worse to her entire body. "Please, there's a fire! Someone!"
Where was Iroh? Why hadn't he been in bed next to her? Ursa's head swam as she tried to remember. He'd gone to Omashu a couple of months ago, but he'd come back, hadn't he?
He's angry at me, she suddenly realized, because…
Because she hadn't told him about the notes, or the vision she'd had of her grandfather, or what she'd seen in Forgetful Valley. Because she'd been keeping secrets from him, her husband, and it had been the ultimate betrayal.
The fire seemed to flare hotter as she connected those dots, her blanket crumbling away into ash. Iroh's locket around her neck suddenly burned red into her skin.
"Iroh!" she tried, starting to sob. "Iroh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you. Please help me! I don't-"
A hacking cough cut off the rest of her begging, and she clasped her hands over her mouth in an attempt to control her breathing. Smoke could kill even faster than fire, she recalled dimly. Perhaps that would be a mercy. If she fell unconscious, maybe she wouldn't feel her body burning.
"Please…" she whimpered into her palms, one last call to whatever spirit might be listening. If Iroh couldn't or wouldn't protect her from this, who could? "I don't want to burn."
Then, finally, she heard something that wasn't the crackle of flame: a plaintive meow.
"XiXi, is that you?" Ursa had assumed the cat had long since fled the fire. The thought that he was still here, curled up in some corner and just as frightened as she, poured adrenaline into her. "Xiliu, run! Run!"
The flames were even closer now, making seeing anything past a few feet in front of her impossible. Behind her, the headboard was growing hotter too. The end was near. Ursa just hoped XiXi had gotten away, and that the rest of the palace's inhabitants would be spared.
Meow.
That one had been much closer than the last. Ursa glanced to her right with a start. There was Xiliu on her nightstand, perched neatly next to the cat statue Iroh had sent her from Omashu. It was a guide, she vaguely remembered, because spirits liked to take cat form in the human world.
"What are you doing, you silly kitty? Go!"
Unperturbed, Xiliu blinked at her with a new depth in his clever dark eyes, then leapt forward. Ursa instinctively caught and cradled him like she had a hundred times before. All at once, a cooling sensation spread through her body.
The fire hadn't abated, but now its heat reached her skin as if from a cozy fireplace rather than right next to her. Her arm and her locket ceased their burning.
"Oh," she whispered, frightened to do so much as move in case she broke whatever spell had been cast, "um…is this you, XiXi?"
The question felt ridiculous even as she asked. He purred in her arms, the sound deeper than usual, and butted his head against her chin. That seemed to be a yes.
"Wow, thank you. Uh…what should we do now?"
He crawled onto the bed, Ursa rather reluctant to let him go in case the burning returned, but it fortunately didn't. Instead, as he leapt from the mattress to the ground, a new phenomenon emerged: the fire was shifting away from Xiliu. Not as if he were firebending - Ursa had seen enough of Iroh's bending to know - but like the cat simply repelled the flame with his presence. As she peered over the edge of the bed, he glanced up and pawed at a patch of carpet he'd made free of flame. With a deep breath, she tentatively placed her feet on the floor and prayed Xiliu's strange magic would hold.
It did. The cat pressed forward, paving a path for her through the previously impenetrable fire. Apparently, she had a lucky feline guide after all.
Oddly, Xiliu didn't take her to her bedroom door, but instead led her to the dressing room. The burst of white-hot flame within was so powerful it briefly broke through his protection, and Ursa reflexively took a step back from the heat. What would happen if she went inside?
"XiXi," she whispered, "are you sure? Shouldn't we be trying to escape?"
Xiliu tilted his head at her, as if to say Which one of us knows what we're doing right now?, and walked into the dressing room.
Oh, spirits. Whispering a plea to Agni, she followed.
As soon as she was through the door, it was clear why she'd been brought here. The source of the fire seemed to be her jewelry armoire, which was only barely visible in a blindingly fiery pillar. Xiliu sat down in front of it, staring intently. Instinct told her he couldn't help with this. She had to be the one to stop the fire.
"Thanks for getting me this far," she said, reaching down to rub his ears. His fur was still as cool as a mountain stream.
Stepping past Xiliu towards the wardrobe immediately magnified the heat, and she cried out. His protection hadn't dropped completely - it couldn't have, or burns would have seared themselves into her at once - but it was clearly starting to wane. What was the cause of the fire? How was she supposed to put it out?
There! She spotted it, an almost blue-white glow emanating from the bottom drawer. That was where she kept her mother's jewelry chest. The metal handle was so hot it was cold as she yanked the drawer open, and she was vaguely aware of her body reflexively screaming at the sensation, but the small part of her mind that was still thinking through the pain sent her other hand into the drawer and pulled out the chest.
The fire evaporated, leaving her gasping and crying with a raw throat and stinging eyes in the middle of her dressing room. Xiliu rubbed against her shins comfortingly. The jewelry chest was still hot, like it might burst into flames again at any minute. Quickly, she forced her shaking, scalded fingers to open the chest.
It was the white lotus tile that was the culprit, practically vibrating in place and glowing amidst the pile of simple bracelets and earrings. Confused, Ursa touched the locket around her neck. Wasn't the white lotus tile supposed to be in there? Was that what all the fuss was about, the fact that she'd misplaced it? Bracing herself for her poor hands to be burned yet again, she reached down and picked it up.
Everything vanished.
The room, the jewelry chest, even Xiliu…gone. All Ursa was left with was her trembling body and the white lotus tile, thrust into a familiar darkness. Mysterious blue light rippled around her. She was back in those strange tunnels, in what she was now certain was the Spirit World. Her grip on the Pai Sho tile tightened.
"Hello?" she whispered hoarsely, looking around for whatever had brought her here this time. "Xiliu? Um…Grandfather?" It was still strange to think of Avatar Roku that way.
"Ursa?"
A familiar voice, but not the one she'd been expecting. Ursa turned to find the old Iroh staring at her, still in his ragged Earth Kingdom clothes.
"You're back," he whispered, clearly amazed as he took in her appearance from head to toe. "Spirits, what is this? How am I seeing you like this? The first time I saw you here, you didn't even have your scar yet."
So the first time she'd seen him, before Tiron's attack, had been the first time he'd seen her as well. But he didn't seem to remember their second meeting, when he'd tearily apologized to her after she'd been burned. Were their timelines not the same? "I don't know," she said, unsure of what to share.
"You must be…what, twenty? Incredible." He stroked his graying beard. "Are you actually Ursa, or something pretending?"
"I'm Ursa."
"Well, a pretender would say the same thing." The corner of his mouth lifted, and she felt a surge of warmth at that familiar expression on her husband's aged face. "Could I trouble you to prove it?"
"Um…" This Iroh had known her for years - decades, really - while she'd only known her Iroh for not even nine months. How could she prove her identity? "For your twentieth birthday, I wanted to play The Candle's Lament at your party, but I couldn't make it through the song because of my bad arm. You made me feel better by playing it and singing it with me, and I ended up giving you a painting of Ran and Shaw instead."
"I suppose only you and I knew all those details." He didn't seem entirely convinced, though, tilting his head and examining her further. "Where are we? Do you know?"
"I think it's the Spirit World."
"The Spirit World means I can talk to you from thirty years ago?" He offered his hand. "Are you here, or a vision?"
Experimentally, Ursa attempted to touch him. Her hand just passed through his. "Something in between, I suppose."
"Fascinating." Iroh glanced around again. "Unheard of, really. Past lives and ancestors are one thing, but this- this transcends all that. The question is, why?"
"Why?" she echoed.
"Why are we able to speak to each other? There must be a reason, don't you think?"
The gleam of curiosity in his eyes hadn't aged. This was her Iroh, intelligent and thoughtful as ever, even when confronting something so mind boggling.
"I don't know why," Ursa replied, feeling rather small in front of this older, wiser man. His shoulders and arms were still powerfully built, although his torso had thickened a bit, and his graying hair gave him a rather distinguished look. What did she look like in the future? Did he still find her beautiful?
"Well, maybe whenever I get out of here, we can figure it out together in my time." He squinted at her. "You've stayed longer than the other times I've seen you. I'd love to know the reason for that too."
"Join the club," she said drily, and he laughed.
The white lotus tile in her clenched fist burned, and she dropped it with a gasp. Was the fire starting again back in the physical world? Iroh noticed, squatting down to examine what she'd dropped.
"Your white lotus tile? Is that what you're up to, some kind of initiation?"
"Initiation?"
"For the White Lotus?" He scooped it up and handed it back to her. "It would certainly explain why I never heard about this. Pop that back in your locket, dearest. Keep it safe."
"You know about…the White Lotus?" she asked hesitantly as she put the tile away, testing what had sounded like the mystery note sender's name.
"Ah, you're very young." He smiled knowingly. "I guess I should hold my tongue, then. Who knows what happens if I tell you too much? Or perhaps it doesn't matter…perhaps these meetings are part of my Ursa's past already, and therefore, unchangeable."
Ursa hadn't considered any of those implications, but of course he would. What could she ask of him that wouldn't break any rules of this encounter? "Do you trust me?" she questioned. "In your time?"
"With my life," he answered without hesitation, reaching up to finger something around his neck. "You've earned it."
It was the dragonskin necklace she'd given him; he still wore it, even decades from now?
"Have I ever lied to you?" she continued, reassured by that detail.
"Of course," he chuckled. "Thirty years together, dearest, means secrets are bound to arise. For both of us."
"And you were okay with that?"
He tilted his head, seeming to catch onto her line of questioning. "The secrets you've kept from me - including this whole conversation, by the way - were always kept with good reason, I assume. I've never felt you hid things to hurt me or conspire against me. That's what ultimately mattered, when they came to light."
"I see." Ursa wanted to ask more - about the White Lotus specifically, and how he'd reacted to that particular secret - but something held her tongue. Maybe that wasn't something she was meant to know yet.
"Permit me to ask you something." His jaw tightened. "Are you happy? In your time?"
Her Iroh had asked her the same thing not too long ago, before his birthday. Her answer hadn't changed. "I'm much happier than I thought would be as a princess."
"So careful so soon. I forgot how quickly you'd picked up palace politics. May I press you for a real answer?"
What would it hurt to be honest? This Iroh was decades in the future, where their marriage was already settled and stable. The issue was, Ursa wasn't certain of the real answer.
"I'm happy sometimes," she said finally. "When I'm with you, or feeding turtleducks in the garden, or helping Aisha in the kitchen…things like that. It's just not very constant."
He accepted that with a nod, crossing his arms. "I suppose that's something. You don't happen to know how I can get out of here, do you?"
"No. Every time I come here and leave, it's pretty accidental."
"She stumbles in and out of the Spirit World by accident and doesn't even tell me. Really, we're having a talk about this one when I get home." His eyes twinkled fondly; then, the smile on his face faltered. "Spirits, love, I miss you."
"You miss me?" she asked, caught off-guard by the word love.
"I've been away from home for a while, pursuing this particular mission. And…I miss being twenty. Not in the sense that I wish to be younger, but more to be freer. To have less obligations in our lives, and more time for each other. All the things the throne takes away, as you like to say." He looked tired as he spoke, pinching the bridge of his nose. Was he Fire Lord Iroh now? It was likely, given how much time had passed, and it would explain the near-permanent worry etched into the lines of his face.
"Maybe you should tell me that when you go home," she suggested.
"I don't know how much difference that would make anymore."
"You don't know unless you try."
"I suppose not." Something behind her caught his attention. "Is that…spirits of the isles, is that Xiliu?"
Ursa turned and found he was completely right. "Oh, XiXi! Where did you go?" Sheer relief flooded her as she ran towards him and scooped him up. "Honestly, what is this place? Look-"
Iroh was gone.
In her arms, Xiliu purred. "Oh," Ursa understood, glancing down at him, "it's time to go, isn't it?"
He just slow-blinked up at her - when had his dark eyes gotten so wise? - and rubbed his fuzzy face against hers. She closed her eyes, allowing him to relieve her of the odd pang in her heart.
When she opened them again, she was lying in bed, Xiliu purring on her chest and nuzzling her. "Ursa," Iroh whispered next to her, twenty years young once more, "dearest, are you okay?"
Not that he ever slept well after a fight with Ozai - and it had been a fight, because his younger brother had not been in the mood for what he'd perceived as pity after Father had slapped him - but Iroh was still caught off-guard when he found himself awake well before dawn. The cause of the disturbance became apparent as soon as he looked over and found Ursa, sweating with fever and whimpering his name.
As the on-call physician Suma worked a fever-reducer down Ursa's throat, her eyes drifted open, glassy and unseeing. If it weren't for the fact that her chest was still rising and falling steadily, the sight would have convinced Iroh she was dead. Once Suma left, he sat next to her prone form on the mattress and tried to trace the energy flow in her body, desperate for some proof that she was okay beneath whatever had come over her.
When he'd done this after Ozai had accidentally poisoned her way back at the start of their marriage, the base of her spine had been weakly red and stuttering with the bare minimum of chi flow. Now, at her sacrum point, the energy flared brilliantly orange and whirled at twice the usual rate. The same was happening at the base of her spine, except there it was scarlet red.
"Oh, my dearest, darling wife," he whispered, brushing her sweat-plastered hair from her forehead. "What's happened to you this time?"
The cat joined his diligent watch, curling up on Ursa's chest and stubbornly refusing to be removed. Iroh put his differences with precious XiXi aside long enough for the two of them to sit together and wait for the recovery of the woman they loved most.
Her eyes finally flickered open of their own accord near noon, Xiliu alerting Iroh to the change with his low purring. "Ursa," he whispered, letting go of the breath that had been stuck in his chest all morning, "dearest, are you okay?"
"Uh…" Her voice was all raspy, like her throat was sore. "Dunno…"
"You have a fever," he explained. "I woke up in the middle of the night, and you were burning up. Were you feeling sick at all yesterday?"
"Mmm," Her eyes closed again as she groaned. Iroh scolded himself for immediately plying her with questions.
"Never mind. Let me get you something to eat."
Eventually, he got her sitting up and able to speak, Xiliu adamantly clinging to her the whole time. Ursa seemed unusually attached to him in return, keeping a shaky hand on the furball in her lap as Iroh helped her eat a bowl of soup.
"I had a fever last night?" Ursa touched her forehead, which was still warm and damp with sweat. "I guess that explains…"
"Explains what?"
"I had a nightmare."
"I noticed." The memory of her crying his name in her sleep, deaf to his attempts to console her, sliced through him. "Was it about…Tiron?"
"No, not him. I just dreamed that my room was on fire." She looked troubled, rubbing Xiliu's ear a little more intensely. "All of it, everything, and no one was coming to help me. Not even you."
"Oh, darling, that must have been terrifying." Iroh caressed her wrist, conscious of the burn scar just beneath his touch. "How did it end?"
"I…don't really remember. I got out eventually. I think Xiliu had something to do with it," she smiled wanly.
"Well, I'm glad he was at least able to get you out." Iroh eyed the contently asleep cat in her lap.
"Me too."
"Nothing like that could ever happen in real life, you know. Even if a fire somehow broke out while I wasn't here, someone would get you out: my family, Mika and Rei, the guards. And Xiliu would help too, of course."
"Yeah, I know." Ursa pulled Xiliu up and snuggled him like he was a stuffed toy.
"Let's just take it easy today, okay? The fever will hopefully pass with some rest and fluids."
"Okay. I think it might just be the stress of you being away and then us traveling a lot again. I should be fine soon." she assured him.
He felt a twinge of guilt. "Any suggestions for what we should do? I can get you books, instruments, anything you like."
"Can we play Pai Sho? I've been meaning to practice more."
Iroh grinned. "Alright, but don't expect me to take it easy on you just because you're sick."
"I would never," she laughed, seemingly already feeling more energetic. As he left to get the Pai Sho set, he heard her cooing to her cat, "XiXi, my lucky kitty, what a strange night we had."
Ursa, cont.
Illnesses don't always have strictly physical causes. This was a concept I was vaguely familiar with, having seen such phenomena when I assisted my mother with patients. Acute grief or heartbreak, for instance, were common emotional causes of odd illnesses: I saw quite a few parents who had lost their children descend into unusual maladies that only time seemed able to heal. However, this particular fever of mine turned out to be a bout with spiritual illness, and not even my first one. It was just the first one I accurately diagnosed.
When we reach great crossroads in our lives - times when we have to make a choice, a choice that goes against everything we believe about ourselves - it can cause an upset in the spirit. The cause of my illness? I chose to pursue the trail of the White Lotus, for my family's sake. Given the little I knew of the organization, that choice felt like a betrayal of my marriage and my nation, and it wreaked havoc on my body, mind and soul as I attempted to reconcile it within myself. These tough choices are just one of several types of spiritual conflicts that can manifest as physical illness.
This particular illness, it turned out, wasn't as disconnected from my other sicknesses as I thought. It wasn't until I deepened my spiritual studies with my more secret mentors that I understood how they linked. Ironically, if I hadn't chosen to accept the White Lotus's invitation, I never might have fallen sick and experienced that next step in my spiritual awakening. Some things are simply self-fulfilling prophecies.
The palace's network of tunnels was key to her plan. It was the only way to get out of the palace undetected, and less than ten people in the world knew their locations and how to use them. Presumably, all of those people would be busy on New Year's Eve and not even thinking of slipping through the secret routes. The few times Iroh had shown her around the tunnels, he'd made it clear that they were rarely used, except by him and Ozai. She was sure the two of them would be preoccupied on New Year's Eve.
Of course, she first had to learn how to use the tunnels herself, which was no small feat: they were designed to be operated by fire, either through bending or torches. Usually, Iroh was there to take care of that part, but Ursa had decided her conversation with the older Iroh meant she was right to keep this secret for now. Older Iroh had made his peace with her role in the White Lotus, but he'd also been married to his Ursa for a good thirty years and loved her. Who knew how her Iroh would react?
Xiliu hadn't displayed any extraordinary abilities since her fever dream, but as a cat, he still had a natural knack for finding hidden nooks and routes. Besides, Ursa didn't feel entirely comfortable walking the tunnels alone just yet. Once she'd figured out the correct way to open the tunnel entrance behind her wardrobe (holding her torch to the top left corner for twelve seconds), Xiliu was her companion as she explored little by little during her free hours, helping her map out the main routes and find a few hidden ones.
There was a sort of cave-like chamber around a corner halfway between her quarters and the palace walls, looking rather dusty behind the fire-activated door that revealed it. Ursa might never have found it if Xiliu hadn't sniffed it out and kicked up a fuss until she'd investigated.
"Look at that, XiXi, you were right," she whispered, examining the small space with her torch. The curved roof was slightly lower than her head at its highest point, and the floor was maybe ten by five paces. It would make a good hiding nook for something, seeing as it hadn't caught anyone else's attention yet…like, for instance, her personal maps of the palace and the cryptic White Lotus notes she received. If only she were an earthbender, she could make sure no one else ever came across this cave, and let it hold her secrets for her.
Xiliu dug his claws into the dirt, before rolling over and rubbing himself into it.
"Gross," Ursa wrinkled her nose. "Don't make me give you a bath. Neither of us will enjoy that."
Then, there was the issue of navigating Harbor City itself. Fortunately, that was where her adventurous new friend Hana proved helpful.
"I'm surprised you were interested in this," Hana chuckled as they roamed the market in commoner clothes, Mika and Rei having their own conversation behind them so they resembled a group of girls out on the town rather than a princess and a noblewoman with bodyguard handmaidens.
"Are you kidding? I loved markets like these when I was traveling, and Korzu and I used to come here before he left town."
"What's your favorite thing to buy?"
"It's more about the browsing, isn't it?" Ursa pointed out. "I like handicrafts best."
Between mapping the palace tunnels and learning the Harbor City streets, a lot was riding on Ursa's extremely average navigational abilities. But once she'd wandered south enough to catch a glimpse of the civilian docks near Half Shell Inn - albeit, with a lot of nervous whispering from Mika that the Fire Lord wouldn't want her in these parts - she felt better about the plan. She had the means of travel, and she had a good idea of her destination. All she needed now was the opportunity to slip away.
That meant she had to find a good reason to sleep separately from Iroh on New Year's Eve. She settled on the time-honored excuse of monthly bleeding: serious enough to merit a quiet night, but intimate enough that Iroh would stay away if she asked instead of hovering to take care of her.
As a little girl who'd loathed math class, Ursa had learned that playing sick was best done as an extended performance. It wouldn't do to suddenly come down with an illness at the exact moment she needed to skip school. No, to be believable, the trick was to play sick on completely innocent days - like school holidays - before the dreaded math test, so there would be less suspicion.
So, after she'd spent a couple of days fake wincing and carefully sprinkling mentions of bleeding pains into her conversations with Iroh, he was amenable to pretty much any suggestion that might help her feel better by the time New Year's Eve arrived.
"Honestly, Iroh, I think I just need a night alone," she said after dinner, playing with his hair in bed.
He frowned. "Is it something I'm doing?"
"No, not at all. You're being very helpful." It was true; Iroh's hand at the small of her back, warm with firebending and massaging her carefully, was the perfect cure for menstrual cramps. "I…oh, it's going to sound silly."
"It won't, darling. What is it?"
"I just worry about being around you while I'm bleeding, sometimes. I get irritable because I'm in pain, and I stain the sheets…it just stresses me out that I might be inconveniencing you. And it's very bad this month because it snuck up on me."
"You're not inconveniencing me," he promised.
"I know that rationally, but it's more of a subconscious thing, if that makes sense. Just let me spend the night alone and see if that helps me relax. If it doesn't work, I'll consult a physician tomorrow."
As she'd predicted, Iroh conceded without further argument. "Alright. Can I at least stay with you until you're ready to sleep?"
"Yeah, of course," Ursa smiled, chest clenching guiltily. "Not too long, though. I'm already going to be miserable in the morning."
"Don't worry, I'll make sure you get to sleep as late as possible. And I'll wake you with your favorite breakfast in bed to make it a little more bearable."
"Ooh, chili crisp eggs-in-a-basket?"
"With freshly-squeezed juice," he confirmed, pecking her nose.
Since the official royal celebration was supposed to coincide with the sun rising on the New Year, the palace would start preparations for the event a couple of hours before dawn. That didn't give Ursa much time to sneak out and back, even with Iroh's promise to let her sleep longer, which was why it was important she get him out of her room as soon as possible. It was just a shame they were having such a nice night…why, oh why, had the White Lotus chosen to spoil her first New Year with her husband this way?
"You're yawning your head off," Iroh declared after he'd finished telling her about a boyhood encounter with a vengeful turtle crab on Ember Island. "I know when it's time for me to leave. Let me make you some tea, and we'll call it a night."
"Okay. Thanks."
The brew smelled delightfully of peppermint, one of those sick-day teas that actually made her feel better instead of just reminding her that she was sick. Iroh pressed the warm cup into her hands with a caress for her fingers and a kiss for her forehead.
"There you go, dearest," he smiled. "Feel better. I can't wait to kiss you at dawn."
A time-honored tradition for couples: a lucky kiss at the break of dawn to seal their relationship for another year. Ursa swallowed thickly, wishing she deserved his tender affection. There was no guilt over the White Lotus inside her anymore - it was something she had to pursue for her mother, she'd decided that much - but this manipulation of Iroh made her feel like scum. A few moments more, and she might just blurt out the whole scheme.
"Hey, are you okay?"
Oops. She'd gone too long without answering him.
"Fine," she said quickly, sipping the tea. "Just…"
"What?"
His amber eyes were so warm, so worried, so- "Am I really your dearest?"
"Of course you are. My very dearest."
"Even on nights like this?" she asked, wrestling with the urge to confess. "When I…need to be alone, when I can't let you help me?"
"I don't love not being able to help you," he admitted. "But I know I'm powerless against menstrual cramps, and I know you need your alone time every now and again. That doesn't change what you mean to me."
And would lying to you and sneaking out of the palace change it? "Okay."
"You know I'm right across the hall if you need anything."
"I'll be fine. I have Xiliu," she reminded, prompting him to roll his eyes. "Thank you, Iroh. Good night."
"Good night, my very dearest."
She treasured the parting kiss he gave her, relishing what very well may be their last normal moments as a couple. If tonight ended up a disaster…she tried not to think about it. Iroh had left. The new moon was rising. Her mind needed to focus on making sure the plan went right, not the hypothetical alternatives.
Preparations took about an hour, enough time for her to assemble her disguise and supplies while ensuring the rest of the palace would be asleep or close to it when she left. Before he'd left, Piandao had helped her forge a fine steel jian sword much like his own, and he'd also found her a shorter blade from the armory for personal defense. It was good that he had; the jian certainly couldn't come with her tonight without drawing attention, but the qama - an Earth Kingdom double-edged dagger - could be easily concealed beneath her cloak and drawn quickly. Hopefully, the appearance of the blade would be enough to scare off any would-be attackers before they realized she wasn't very confident with it. For all her practice with wooden weapons, the idea of actually drawing blood made her queasy.
The white lotus tile came out of Iroh's locket for tonight's adventure; she didn't want to attract attention with her fine jewelry, even though removing his gift added to the scummy feelings inside her. Some extra torches, a purse of coins, the secret notes she'd received (not that she needed them since she'd committed them to memory), and she was ready.
Well, almost ready. Xiliu perched in front of the wardrobe and purred.
"No, XiXi," she whispered as she lit her first torch. "This isn't playtime. I have to go for real now, by myself. Just stay here and sleep until I get back, okay?"
He just hopped to the top of the wardrobe and whined more insistently, pawing at her hair as she opened the tunnel. The quiet with which the wall slid open would never cease to amaze her, even as she thanked the spirits for it tonight. Now, if only her cat wouldn't blow her cover.
"Xiliu, please."
In response, he just let out a heartbreaking meow. Ursa paused, really looking at him. Maybe it was just her imagination, but he had that odd depth in his dark eyes again. Even though he hadn't done anything magical outside of her dream, would it really hurt to have her lucky guide by her side? Especially when she still felt uneasy about wandering into the city by herself?
"Oh, alright." She held her bag open for him. "But you have to be quiet, and stay with me the whole time. Understand?"
He butted his head against hers, a presumed acknowledgement, and leapt down into the bag. Once he'd settled, Ursa slipped into the tunnel and slid it shut.
With every step towards her goal, her worries only increased despite her best efforts to focus. Common sense shrieked at her to go back, return to the safety of her room, stop this betrayal of the royal family before she committed it. If something were to happen…if some emergency occurred, if someone were to break open her locked door to find her bed empty…would she be able to explain away the inevitable fallout?
Go back! Her nerves insisted. You don't have it in you to defy the Fire Lord!
But her mother had. Avatar Roku had. So Ursa took a deep breath, touched her dagger and Xiliu's head for good luck, and stepped out of the tunnel into some back alley of Harbor City.
Her shopping trips with Hana and Korzu had not been enough to prepare her. This part of the city was different from the markets; if she'd read the map correctly, it was supposed to be the southern neighborhood by the docks, yet…it looked so rundown, houses even smaller than the ones in Hira'a, all crammed together with their wood peeling. Ursa watched a couple of girls playing with a ragdoll made more of straw than cloth. How could it be like this only a few miles away from the royal palace, with the nobles living in luxury in the crater above them? Something unpleasant curdled within her as the girls' mother called them in for the night; how could she have not seen all this when she'd been here before?
And why did she have the distinct impression she was being followed? Steeling her nerves, Ursa determinedly told herself not to look back, feeling for Xiliu's warm comfort and the dagger at her waist. Nobody could have followed her through the tunnel; if she was being tailed, it was someone from the city. Assuming, of course, that this whole thing wasn't a trap-
Maybe it wasn't too late to just go back to the palace.
But the memory of her mother urgently pushing her jewelry box with the white lotus tile into Ursa's hands, begging her to remember what she'd taught her until it made sense, propelled her forward.
Footsteps fell behind her. So it wasn't just her imagination. A careful tread, not quite enough to be properly sneaky but clearly not looking to draw attention either. Maybe someone desperately trying to act natural, like her. Ursa slunk towards the side of the street where the lamps were, hoping that if she screamed, someone in one of these houses would care enough to at least look. Everything looked so different in the cover of night…how could she find The Half Shell Inn like this?
Then, she saw a woman at the well-lit street corner, filling a couple of buckets at one of the pumps that ran through the city. Slender, young, and alone; just like Ursa. This was probably her best option for directions.
"Hi," she called, roughening her voice and brushing some hair into her face, "could you point me to The Half Shell Inn?"
"Oh, sure. Go three streets up and take a right, it should be visible from there. It'll be busy tonight, though."
The girl's voice was too familiar, and as she glanced up at Ursa, it became clear why. She was the young bath attendant who'd been assaulted by Tiron, Selina. And she was too close now, too familiar with Ursa's naked appearance, for this disguise to work. Her eyes widened in recognition.
"Shh!" Ursa dropped all pretense to hold a finger to her lips before the girl could drop into a bow and give away her identity. "Thank you for the directions. Now forget I was here. Understand?"
Mutely, Selina nodded.
"Why are you out in the city at this hour?" Ursa asked, feeling rather hypocritical. "Shouldn't you be at home?"
"My home is over there," she replied shyly, tilting her head at a shabby apartment block.
"I don't understand. Don't you have quarters at the palace like the other servants?"
"I do, but they don't permit my siblings to live there. It's all well. This is closer to the school, anyway."
Selina was the guardian for her two brothers and one sister, a fact Ursa had known but never really considered. "I see," she said, making a mental note to ask someone why exactly Selina's siblings couldn't be accommodated in the servants' quarters. "Well, Happy Eve to you and your family. Get home safe."
"Thank you. You as well," she said pointedly, before picking up her two buckets and plodding off to her apartment. Ursa wanted to run over and help, but she was on a time-sensitive mission. Hopefully, she could do something for Selina more meaningful than carrying some water anyway.
The city grew louder and busier as Ursa neared her goal. Apparently, the street the Half Shell Inn was key to the celebrations. Auspicious red lanterns, firecrackers being set off alarmingly close to her despite the fact that dawn was still hours away, smells of fire flakes and fried food in the air…the people were wasting no time celebrating. Once again, Ursa had underestimated Harbor City. Xiliu writhed uneasily inside her bag as she tried to squeeze through the crowd. The one upside was that if she was being followed, she'd likely lost her stalker in the masses.
"Hey, gorgeous," a dreaded male voice with the stench of sake on it came far too close to her ear, "need someone to kiss at dawn?"
I have someone to kiss at dawn, thank you very much, was her rational reply, but her body froze as the man's hands groped at her behind. His ribs, she remembered from Aiko's tutelage, elbow him in the ribs then go for the groin. Yet her limbs felt trapped, transported back to that cabin in the woods where Tiron had pinned her down and-
"Leave her alone." A younger man interrupted and pulled her assailant off. "She's probably smelled more fragrant pig-chickens."
Thank the spirits. Ursa turned, meaning to thank her savior briefly before continuing, but a scuffle broke out between the two. The younger man took a blow to his stomach like a champion, before promptly bringing his knee up into his opponent's groin and then striking him across the face.
"Sleep it off!" he commanded, giving the pervert one last kick before leaving him to groan on the floor. Then, he pulled his hood up and walked off without a glance back at Ursa.
Well, that was abruptly violent, but not really her concern anymore. The Half-Shell Inn was in sight, the turtle crab logo above the door matching the one that had been hidden in the folds of her secret notes. This was it. This had to be it. Ursa was ready.
Mostly.
The inn was just as noisy as the streets, which swiftly made her realize that she didn't actually know what to do now that she was here. Nervously, she glanced around the room, looking for some sort of sign, or even an empty chair so she could at least sit while figuring out her next move. Had she gotten something wrong?
A loud, snorting laugh caught her attention. In the back corner, an old man was obnoxiously celebrating his victory in a Pai Sho game, collecting his winnings with glee. His appearance was slightly alarming: bulging eyes, wrinkled brown skin, a crooked grin, tufts of gray-white hair on a balding head, and a somewhat hunched back. Ursa's instinct was to keep her distance, but her mother's voice chided her for judging someone by their looks. Besides, Pai Sho - specifically, the white lotus tile - was really the only clue she had left.
"Happy Eve, young lady," the old man grinned up at her as she approached. His eyes were a pale shade of unusual green. "Would you like to play?"
"Yes, please. How much is the buy-in?"
"First round's free, how about that?" He waved away his other players, clearing the board in the process. "Go on, you lot, I've robbed enough from you tonight. Waste the rest of your money on drinks."
The group surrounding the table left with groans and half-hearted protests, leaving Ursa alone with her new opponent.
'Traditionally, the guest has the first move," he informed her as she sat. "Not that you youngsters care so much about tradition, hey?"
No point losing her guts now. Ursa picked up the white lotus tile from the table and slid it into the center of the board, just as her mother had taught her.
"Ah…" The old man's brown face split into a satisfied grin. "I see you favor the white lotus flower. Not many appreciate the beauty of nature's perseverance."
Her heart pounded as she quickly replied, "Those who do can always see clearly through the woods."
"Then let us play."
Practicing the pattern before tonight had been the right move. Xiliu poked his head out from the bag, becoming interested in the sounds of the tiles clicking as she and her opponent placed one after the other until the lotus image formed on the board.
"Welcome, sister," the man giggled, "the White Lotus opens wide to those who know its secrets."
A/N: I'm starting to enjoy cliffhanger chapter endings…like I feel like it puts less pressure on me to wrap up the plot point and makes it easier to bang out chapters from week to week. But I'll try not to go overboard with them.
~Bobbi