A/N: I'm back, bitches. Law school hasn't squashed my creativity yet.
Disclaimer: I'm not Bryke.
Slipping into the Dragonbone Catacombs had been nerve wracking. The fact that she couldn't take the scroll of Sozin's last testament away without arousing suspicion meant she had to crouch in a corner of the catacombs and read the scroll in its entirety there, another layer of anxiety on the whole thing. What she'd found inside had been…overwhelming.
Sozin had regarded Roku as his best friend. Sozin had even planned to make him a general, until he'd gone away and become the Avatar. Sozin had watched his friend become high on his own power as "the bridge between the worlds" and "master of all elements," a process that had culminated in Roku's attack on the palace. Sozin had distanced himself from his former friend after that, until a brutal volcanic eruption on Roku's home island. Sozin had gone to help.
And Sozin had left Roku to die in that eruption.
Mom mustn't have known, then, or surely she would have mentioned it to Ursa. Or perhaps she did, and she just didn't think it was something Ursa was supposed to know yet. There had been the distinct sense that her mother had been holding something back during that birthday conversation about Sozin and Gyatso and everything from her childhood that had gone up in smoke.
Grandfather, why haven't you spoken to me again?
Wondering that didn't really provide an answer. Her best way back to the Spirit World was probably opening up her chakras like Jinpa had said, but despite her best efforts, she couldn't quite figure out how to work through the feelings of shame that were supposedly blocking up her fire chakra. What shame did she have in her life? Perhaps it would be easier to figure out where Ozai had gotten the Red Ash that had triggered her first chakra opening…
"Hellooo," Hana nudged her shoulder, "Ursa, are you still with me?"
"Sorry." She shook her head, clearing it of the more serious thoughts just in time for their carriage to hit another nasty bump. "Oof! Ozai, I told you the carriage was too much."
"Why are you blaming me?" Ozai was pressed into the wall on the other side of the carriage from Ursa and Hana, looking like he wished he could vanish through it and be back in the palace. "Your friend agreed with me too."
"I did," Hana conceded, "but I really should have listened to Ursa. She knows more about this sort of travel than I do."
"Gutless," he muttered under his breath. Hana shot Ursa a look of concern, but she just smiled and waved it off; Don't worry about him.
The three of them were on their way to the Fire Lily Festival in Ningzhou, Ozai being a rather reluctant escort for the girls on Azulon's orders. Still, Ursa was grateful for the opportunity to get out of the capital while Iroh was gone and spend some time with Hana.
"So," Ursa resumed their conversation, "Mariko's gotten engaged?"
"Yes, finally. It only took a good fourteen months for her to get over Iroh. But they won't get married until next summer since her fiance's not going to be able to make it back from his naval deployment by the end of wedding season. Which means I'll have to listen to her prattle about wedding preparations for basically the next year."
"Come on, you'll be a bridesmaid, won't you? That'll be fun, right?" Ursa wouldn't know: she hadn't had any bridesmaids at her own wedding, she had no sisters, and none of her friends had gotten married before she'd left Hira'a.
"I mean, if I'm just a ceremonial bridesmaid, maybe. If she expects me to help with the actual wedding planning, though…it's not that I'm not happy for her, it's just that she's so particular."
"Maybe you could plan a dramatic performance to go with it."
"Ha! A reenactment of when she found out Iroh was marrying you would be so good, but she'd probably try to knife me at the reception."
Hana's relationship with Mariko was something Ursa struggled to understand; sisters born into the same family, yet so at odds with each other. Iroh and Ozai, at least, had their mother's death and father's favoritism to explain the schism between them. Did Hana and Mariko's differences really come down to simple personality?
Ozai scratched at the side of the carriage, not unlike Xiliu when he was feeling antsy, and Ursa wondered how her and Iroh's children would get along with each other. It was expected that they produce multiple heirs, after all.
"We're meeting that guy Korzu here, right?" Ozai asked abruptly.
"Yeah, why? Are you getting tired of female company?" Hana's tone was joking, but her smile dropped when Ozai scowled.
"Please, that physician hardly counts as male company. I was just wondering how many people I had to look out for while we're here."
Ursa reached over and swatted him across the shoulder. "Honestly, go entertain yourself however you like while we're here. Hana and Korzu can look out for me. I won't tell your dad."
Rather than being relieved from the release of duty, he just frowned and slumped lower in his seat. Some days, there was just no winning with him.
Korzu was indeed waiting for them at Ningzhou, proper as ever when Ursa and Hana took turns embracing him in greeting. "How was your journey?" he asked politely.
"It was fine, Kor." Hana rolled her eyes. "How's your year traipsing through the countryside been so far?"
"Incredible. Ningzhou actually feels too fancy for me now. Going back to the capital would be torture. No offense, Your Highnesses."
Ozai was clearly not listening, but Ursa laughed in agreement. "Come on, let's get in line for the fields before they fill up."
"You're the princess," Hana reminded. "You're automatically going to get the best spot in line."
Oh, right. Ursa had been thinking of this like it was a trip with her mom, when they would've had to be up at the crack of dawn to be able to walk the fields and enjoy the lilies up close without it getting too crowded. A brief wave of grief for Mom not being here was quickly replaced by excitement for her friends' first time seeing fire lilies.
"Ozai, where should we meet you after?" she asked.
"I…" A strange look crossed his face. "I guess I can come with you. To be safe."
"Okay." To be safe, huh? "Maybe you can take some fire lilies back to that girl of yours."
The identity of the girl Ozai had been nursing a crush on for the past few months still hadn't been revealed, and he certainly wasn't about to share based on how red he turned. "Shut up," he mumbled feebly.
There was something to be said for the fun of teasing a little brother. As long as it didn't cross the line, of course, but where that line lay seemed to vary a lot with Ozai.
A collective 'wow' went up from the group as the fire lilies came into view. Ursa had never visited the Ningzhou festival before, but it was a gorgeous bloom. The vibrant red of the petals, the meticulous maintenance shaping the flower fields into perfect spirals, the delicate scent wafting on the breeze…
"This is so lovely!" Hana voiced her thoughts for her, linking arms with Ursa and Korzu. "Come on, guys. Let's make a memory!"
Lingering behind the trio, Ozai bent ever-so-slightly and examined a particularly scarlet fire lily.
Ursa wasn't sure what her shame was, but she knew Iroh's shame. It was Ozai; namely, the first thirteen years of the younger prince's life that had passed with Iroh belittling and pushing him away out of misplaced grief. Sure, Iroh was trying to make up for it now, but a couple years of decent treatment couldn't erase the decade before that easily.
Still, he wished he could do more, and was ashamed of himself for falling short. What evoked similar feelings in Ursa's life?
I'm ashamed…of…
Another gentle breeze rustled through the flowers, drawing Ursa's eye to the gardeners at the edges of the fields bent over beneath the late summer sun to make sure not a leaf was out of place. They bowed as she walked past them and nodded with tensely bright smiles when she complimented their work. This wasn't how it was at the Fire Lily Festivals she'd attended growing up. People didn't care about status there, possibly because no one at those festivals had a status worth caring about. Everyone enjoyed the flowers, the beauty of nature's offerings, just as they appeared without gardeners or servants to sculpt something more out of the fields.
Mom wouldn't have liked Ningzhou's festival at all. There were too many nobles, she'd say, too much frittering over maintaining the fields and letting the high-ranking folks in first, not enough appreciation for the simplicity of the bloom.
"Why are you zoning out in this corner by yourself?" Ozai asked. "You're freaking out those gardeners. They think they upset you. Did they?"
"No, no. I was just thinking, that's all." She turned her princess smile back on and waved at the gardeners to show everything was okay.
"I thought you said your friends would look after you. How are they gonna do that if you wander off?"
"You're here, aren't you? You're almost as diligent as Iroh."
"Because he'll shave my head if I'm not." Ozai scuffed at the dirt with the heel of his shoe, and Ursa bit her tongue to keep from reprimanding him and souring his mood again. "What's your deal, anyway? I thought you liked this flower stuff."
"I do. It's a nice festival. I was just thinking that it wasn't very much like the ones at home, that's all."
"Yeah, it's better, isn't it?"
"By some standards, I suppose. I'm just…used to the simpler things in life. Fancy events always make me think of how people at home never had anything like this."
Predictably, he rolled his eyes. "Man, you sound like the physician over there. If you're going to start a bunch of bleeding-heart charity projects as Princess, don't drag me along. Or at least pick more interesting places to do them in if you do."
Perhaps he was onto something.
Ursa's letter was long. It smelled of her perfume, and she'd left a print of her favorite rose pink lip color kissing the page. Iroh smiled when he saw it; he missed the real thing, but this ghost of a kiss was just as sweet a reminder of his love.
She'd been keeping busy in the month he'd been away. Planning this year's Autumn Festival, of course, and continuing her regular domestic activities in the palace, but how on Earth had she managed to make it to the Fire Lily Festival in Ningzhou with only Ozai as her guard instead of a small army? Father must have been growing fonder of her, or more trusting of Ozai; either way, a little victory to celebrate. Apparently, the whole thing had given her an idea: getting out of the palace seemed to be good for Ozai, and if he couldn't go with them for the Autumn Festival, maybe there was another way to let him see more of the country.
Hana and I have been talking as well, about how theater isn't as respected in the capital and high society as it used to be. Back in Hira'a, there were these traveling troupes that used to come through town, making their living from the donations the crowd was willing to give them…
Yes, there were pieces of a good plan there: Ursa wielding her influence as princess to restore respect for the theater, putting together a traveling troupe of her own that would perform to nobles around the country, using the proceeds from tickets to fund community welfare projects like Korzu's medical work in rural areas. As a side bonus, Ozai could occasionally spread his wings by accompanying her and Hana when they went with the troupe.
It was completely normal for royal spouses to have passion projects like this. Iroh's own mother had dedicated royal financial support to musical education across the country as a morale boost in wartime. Still, he felt a little twinge of jealousy that he didn't figure into Ursa's plans, even though he knew this was a good way for her to establish herself as future Fire Lady while he was off at war.
I missed you, she wrote, I really wished you could've been there too…maybe next year?
Fire lilies bloomed in late summer, when Iroh would pretty much always be storming the Earth Kingdom. Still, he could dream.
"Hey, lover boy," Minh threw a shoe at him from across the barracks. "Honeymoon's over. Come on, you'll miss breakfast."
"Would it be too much if I said her letters are all I need to fuel me through the day?"
"Yes, and patently false. I've seen how you eat."
Fair enough. Carefully, he touched his lips to her kiss stain on the page before folding the letter up and tucking it away. Summer would be over soon, and then he could have the real thing again.
His squad's current march through the western Earth Kingdom was, mildly put, a slog. Previous battalions had already captured most of the territory, so now their role was to consolidate their hold on the region and scour it for resources. Iroh didn't enjoy this grunt work - he'd spent his life training for action, after all - but intellectually, he recognized it was an important part of his field experience to see the less glamorous aftermath of these hard-fought battles.
But the stench of death in the air as they approached the next town was a lot even for him.
"Captain," Minh whispered from next to Iroh as they marched, "why does it reek? Like, even more than Earth Kingdom towns usually do?"
Nobu did not crack a smile. "This was a brutal battle, Private. Even the civilians got involved. They fought far more stubbornly than the average Earth town, and the Fire battalion facing them just barely won. They were in no shape to clean up the scene after."
Iroh had experienced a certain level of desensitization to war, but some things (Kusa) broke through into his subconscious every now and again. As the town came into view, he knew it was definitely going to make its way into nightmare rotation.
There was a slew of burnt bodies along what appeared to be the town's last stand, behind a haphazard mess of crooked boulders. About half of the bodies were far too small. Nausea curdled in his gut. "I've never killed a child," he defended himself to Bumi-
"What the-" Minh whispered. "Dragonshit, are these kids?"
"Human shields," Nobu said gravely. "The earthbenders' most deplorable tactic. They know it dishonors us to kill children in battle, so they use their own children to try and prevent us from attacking. It worked well at the beginning of the war, but some villages like these haven't heard that we don't show restraint towards people who deign to use children as shields anymore."
The body closest to Iroh was burnt beyond any recognition, but the style of its semi-intact green skirt looked like it might have once been a little girl- "What are we doing with them?" he quickly asked.
"Collect all the bodies at the western corner of town. We'll cremate them before getting on with the rest of it."
"Shouldn't we bury them? Since they're Earth Kingdom?"
Nobu frowned. "Private, we don't have the time to bury this many people. Besides, enemies hardly deserve such respect."
Enemies didn't, but what about children? Someone retched in the periphery while the rest of the squad moved to gather the bodies. Automatically, Iroh bent to do the same, picking up the body (little girl) by him.
A half-burnt doll in a matching skirt was lying underneath her, like she'd been clutching onto it in her final moments.
Oh, spirits.
"I'm sorry," Iroh whispered, to her and the doll and the dead children around them. 'I'm sorry the Earth Kingdom failed you."
Ursa, cont.
While Iroh was off learning the cruelty of war by living it, I was learning it through theory. I continued studying the history of the Air Nomads, learning more about this vibrant, spiritual civilization that had been wiped from the world, and thus grieving for them further. And I spent a lot of time wondering about the Avatar, both my grandfather and his reincarnation whom I thought had died with the Air Nomads. Did my grandfather really try to stop the war, and if so, how was it that someone as powerful as he could fail? Did Aang know that he was the Avatar when he died? Did he try to fight?
At the same time, though, I didn't actually have limitless hours to dedicate to my White Lotus tasks. I understand that you, reader, must be aching to know how my discoveries unfolded: that's the interesting part, after all. If I was already looking into these issues and asking these questions as a young woman, how did it take nearly thirty years for me to firmly stand up against the war? But, frankly, being a princess kept me busier than you might imagine. Even though the palace boasted a small army of domestic servants tending to my every need, I was the one who had to oversee that small army. With Iroh off at war, I was frequently the one who had to maintain his relationships with political allies in the capital in my own domestic way. On top of all that, I had a growing itch inside me that I couldn't just sit in the palace and live a life of luxury. If Iroh was serving the country by fighting for it in war, what was I doing? Simply maintaining the palace in his absence, planning parties and festivals for the nobles? No, that wasn't the sort of life I'd been raised to live. I needed something more. For a few brief years, I almost had it.
Autumn, 70 AG
By all rights, Iroh should have been on his way back to the Fire Nation by now. The Autumn Festival was set to start tomorrow, and he was supposed to be there with Ursa for the second time traveling the country together.
But just his luck…
"Apologies, Your Highness, but I can't in good conscience clear you for travel just yet," Pailin looked truly regretful as she spoke, and a little afraid. It was always a tough thing, giving a royal potentially unwelcome news. Iroh didn't blame her; the blame rested squarely on the earthbender that had torn open his side and fractured his hip for good measure. That bastard certainly hadn't expected Iroh to still be capable of conjuring lightning after all that.
"What's the soonest you'd feel comfortable releasing me?" Iroh asked, wincing as Pailin continued cleaning the wound. If he could at least go home within the next week, he might be able to join Ursa for the rest of the festival.
"Realistically? Another fortnight, at the very earliest. With a hip fracture, I just can't predict how the motion of the ship will affect the injury in its initial healing stages."
Blast. Blast, blast, blast, why did it have to be a hip injury? What was he, a septuagenarian like his father? He suppressed another groan when Pailin began rebandaging his side.
"I'm sorry, Prince Iroh. I know you were looking forward to going home and seeing your wife."
"It's not your fault. Captain Nobu's right; I need to stop provoking earthbender units for no reason. This is just a consequence of me ignoring him."
"Please, you had a reason. You did it to draw their bending away from your fellow soldiers. That's a mark of a future leader. The captain just wants you to not get yourself killed now so you can become the great general you're meant to be."
"I appreciate it, Pailin. I'm just praying the princess won't be upset with me." Already, he could picture the frown on her pretty face. "She hates when I go and get myself wounded."
"It would be worrying if she didn't," the physician smiled wryly. "If she's missed you half as much as you've missed her, I'm sure she will simply be happy to have you home again."
Iroh hoped she was right.
Winter, 70 AG
The scabbed-over slash in Iroh's right side was definitely going to scar. It seemed to be bothering him; he spent an unusual amount of time examining himself in the mirror these days - especially this large one in the spa's bath - unsubtly trailing his fingers along the brutal damage from rib to hip. Maybe he was reliving the sensation of the earthbender's spikes carving into him. Maybe it was just an aesthetic concern. Either way, Ursa knew she had to help him feel better.
"Whatcha looking at?" she asked fake-innocently, sliding her arms around his waist from behind and kissing his bare shoulder.
"I…" he laid a hand over hers on his stomach, "I'm trying to figure out how much deeper they would've needed to go for it to be fatal."
She didn't want to think about that. From what she could tell, it had been close.
"Sorry, I know we're supposed to be trying to relax." He turned around and scooped her up in his arms, making her giggle. "Now, why do you still have this pesky bathrobe on? I thought we were here for a nice hot bath."
"I thought you weren't supposed to be lifting heavy things while your hip was still heal- ah!" She squeaked when he plunged them both into the still-cold water. "Iroh!"
"What?"
"It's not hot," she pouted. "Heat it up!"
"Is that all I am to you?" he mock-sighed. "A glorified water heater?"
"It is when you're trying to freeze me to death in the middle of winter." Despite the banter, Iroh had already started warming their surroundings, and she curled up against him to enjoy it.
"If I make it hot enough in here, will you take that silly bathrobe off?"
"If you promise not to keep ignoring the physicians' orders," Ursa rebutted, moving to untie the wet garment from around her waist. "They said no carrying heavy things. I remember that."
"Come on, I've been healing up for a good two months. And you don't count as heavy."
"I'm serious, Iroh. Hip fractures are no joke. If you don't handle the healing and rehabilitation properly now, you'll regret it when you're trying to get back on the battlefield in the spring. Besides," she pulled the robe off, noting his eyes immediately drifted from her face to her chest, "I'm getting very tired of choking down that nasty birth control tea everyday when you haven't even been cleared for sex."
"Mmm…that's a good point. Although technically, I've been cleared for some sex."
"Some?" She raised her eyebrows.
"Yeah, the kind where you get on top and do all the work while I lie back and enjoy the view," he grinned. "Thoughts?"
Ursa answered him with a splash of warm water to the face, and he laughed.
"I'll be more diligent," Iroh conceded. "I guess I'm just getting impatient with all this sitting around without training or traveling…it's making me feel a bit useless. I already hate that I couldn't come home for the Autumn Festival."
He hadn't missed the festival since his mother's death, until this battle injury. "I know," Ursa kissed his cheek. "I wish you could've come home too. But your regret over that doesn't mean you can magically speed up your body's healing process."
"Hm," Iroh sighed. "What I'd give for some waterbending healing right now."
"Well, now that you've got the bath nice and hot, I bet that'll help."
Smiling, he blew a puff of steam into the air, bringing the room to just the right level of heat and moisture. "You help me feel better more than anything," he told her, pulling her in for an equally steamy kiss.
Spring, 71 AG
Blast it all, Ursa had been right about his hip. At least she wasn't around to gloat about it…actually, no. He would've accepted her gloating if it meant she could be there to soothe him with her sweet-smelling ointments and careful massages afterwards. But that small pleasure wasn't worth risking her anywhere near a battlefield, so Iroh sat at his cot in the barracks and massaged his own hip, feeling like he was twice his age.
Without much warning, Nobu strode in. No such thing as privacy in the Fire Army. "That hip still troubling you, Private?"
"A tad, sir. Nothing some decent sleep and a steam bath won't fix."
"That's what you think. I dislocated a shoulder when I was your age, and it still doesn't feel like it sits in its socket right."
Iroh chuckled, swinging his legs off the bed to stand and salute. "Well, when I'm your age, I'll see if I'm doing any better. What can I do for you?"
"Lieutenant Kenji passed away from his injuries. I wanted to let you know."
Ah. Iroh hadn't been particularly close with his lieutenant, but he still liked and respected the man, and the news of his death caused a pang in his heart. "I'm sorry to hear it, sir. May Agni welcome him warmly."
"I hope so. It was a losing battle against the blood loss he'd sustained. An honorable death." Nobu bowed his head for a moment, then looked back at Iroh. "I was planning to have you promoted to lieutenant at the end of the summer."
The abrupt announcement caught him off-guard. "Oh…"
"You've been doing well," Nobu continued. "Your combat skills are advanced, of course. The men look up to you, and you've started to actually listen to me about integrating yourself into the team more after suffering that little hip fracture. I figured if you stayed on track for the next few months, you could complete your officer training at the capital in the winter and join another unit as their lieutenant next spring. But now Kenji's gone, and I need someone to help me lead in his stead."
"You want to promote me now," Iroh finished the thought.
"Indeed. What do you think?"
There wasn't supposed to be any thinking involved - this would put him ahead of his ambitious schedule of making general by thirty-five, after all - but Iroh still hesitated, thinking of Ursa and how she cried every time he had to leave for the Earth Kingdom yet again. "Would it mean a longer deployment?"
Nobu frowned. "Not as long as mine, but you'd stay a couple of weeks longer for administrative tasks."
A couple of weeks; he could handle that, couldn't he? What was that in the grand scheme of things? "I accept, then. Of course. Thank you for the honor, Captain."
"You've earned it." Nobu was still studying him, like he couldn't figure out what had prompted the question. "We'll tell the men tonight, Lieutenant Iroh. I'm sure they'll be happy to hear the news once we've mourned Kenji."
Indeed they would. He just hoped Ursa would be too.
Summer, 71 AG
"Did you hear Iroh's a lieutenant now?" Ozai asked, pulling his rhino up next to hers.
"Yes, he wrote to me."
"You happy for him?"
"Of course I am." The younger prince was sniffing for smoke he could turn to fire, and Ursa wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. Even if she was a little sore about Iroh's deployment being extended, he was still going to come home for their trip to Ember Island, so there was nothing to complain about. "Aren't you?"
"Goodness gracious, an authority figure loooves Iroh and wants to give him more responsibility? That's never ever happened before." He rolled his eyes.
"So you're not?" she clarified, repositioning her sunhat to keep the glare out of her eyes as she peered at him.
"What's there to be happy about? Good for him, I guess, but everyone knows he's going to be a general by thirty-five, if Dad doesn't die or step down before then so he can go straight to Fire Lord."
"And what about you? General Ozai has a nice ring to it."
"Yeah, if Iroh'd let me in his war room."
"Why wouldn't he?"
"I'm sure his school friends will be chomping at the bit for promotions once he's on the throne. That swordsman's probably first in line."
"Maybe, but you're still the prince. And Iroh does value your opinion when you express it without turning it into a fight."
Ozai grumbled something that might've been "he starts it" but didn't rebut otherwise.
Ningzhou came into view. It was only appropriate, after all, that this be the first official stop of the Royal Theater Troupe since this was where Ozai had given her the idea last year. He turned and signaled the handful of Imperial Soldiers with them to put their helmets back on and straighten up. Ursa took a deep breath.
"What are you stressed about?" Ozai asked. "You've been planning this for months."
"But what if the people don't like it? What if they think your mother's music programs were better?"
"Who cares what the people think? You're doing this for yourself as much as them, and it won't bring Mom back either way."
Ozai was as dismissive of others as always, but he had a point. It wasn't as if some terrible consequence would befall her if the show didn't go well, and even though she wasn't performing herself, overseeing the production of the play had been the most fun she'd had since getting married; without Iroh, at least. Obsessing over filling a ghost's shoes wouldn't do any good either.
"I wish Hana was here," Ursa said. "She helped so much."
"How? She thinks a summer trip with her boyfriend's more important than you."
"People are allowed to want to spend time with their boyfriends. You'll find out once you get a girl to like you," Ursa teased.
"Plenty of girls-" Ozai began to snap, then stopped abruptly and turned red. "Shut up. I'm going to go find our seats in the audience while your troupe sets up."
Plenty, huh? She believed it. Ozai was sixteen now, getting taller by the day and starting to resemble something like a young man rather than an overgrown boy. Between his slowly-maturing looks and his royal status, he'd have no trouble with girls. Now, if he could just soften up his personality, he might actually keep one around. But that didn't mean teasing him about it stopped being fun.
"Princess," Selina, who Ursa had recruited to help her as a stagehand, hurried up to her. "We're almost ready. Perhaps you should make your welcome address to the crowd?"
That was remarkably fast. Maybe she'd put together a good team after all.
The crowd cheered as she came onstage, the brightness of the sun shining down on them making her squint as she smiled at them. "People of Ningzhou!" She found her old actress projection skills somewhere deep in her diaphragm, "Thank you so much for having us here for the very first performance of the Royal Theater Troupe."
Sitting in the front row next to her empty chair, Ozai hadn't applauded as vigorously as his neighbors. His nose wrinkled when he caught her looking at him, but he nodded slightly. Some reluctant encouragement.
"In times of war, with our country's strongest fighting for us across the ocean, we owe it to them and to ourselves to remember their sacrifices, it's true. But we also must preserve our glorious Fire Nation culture and vibrance, for them to return to, and for the rest of the world to partake in at the end of this war." She paused for another applause break, some cheers joining in this time. "For me, the most gorgeous arts of our culture - fashion, music, literature - come together and come to life on a stage. Join me in this very first performance, The Song of The Phoenix, and relish our culture come to life with me."
The Song of The Phoenix was Hana's favorite play, a musical folktale about a plain songbird that was transformed into an immortal phoenix by the spirits for its good deeds. While it was a pity she wasn't here to see it, her fingerprints were all over the show. And the proceeds they'd raised from ticket sales would do some good. Ursa took her seat next to Ozai, hoping he would behave himself even if he found the show boring.
"You know," he said under his breath, "you're not nearly as self-important as Iroh is when he gives these speeches."
"Is that a compliment?"
"Just an observation."
Well, it didn't sound like a negative one. That was a win. Ursa watched the show unfold on stage, half-thinking about the charity projects she could oversee after this, and felt something like shame releasing itself from her stomach's fire chakra.
Autumn, 71 AG
Ozai was a full head taller than him now. Iroh permitted his brother to gloat about that fact for exactly five minutes, before grabbing him and flipping him onto his back in the middle of the kitchen.
"When I can no longer do that to you in the blink of an eye, then you'll have something worth gloating about," he told a stunned Ozai, before gathering up the rest of his food and leaving.
"Jump off a cliff, Lieutenant Shortstacks!" Ozai called after him.
"Let him have that one," Piandao warned. "Spirits know you two have done enough damage to my mom's kitchen over the years. And you are short for a prince."
"If you didn't have a broken leg, I'd do you the same as him."
Piandao grinned unrepentantly, leaning heavily on his crutches. "Don't let it stop you, now."
It was a stroke of luck, Piandao being home at the same time as him. They never crossed paths while out in the army - Iroh suspected that was by design - and Piandao was normally on much longer deployment periods than him, being a grunt swordsman rather than a prince.
"I still can't believe you've already made Lieutenant. You sure your dad isn't pulling strings?" Piandao asked, following Iroh to the garden a bit unsteadily on his crutches.
"Yeah, I'm sure. He gave me a whole lecture about the value of soldiers all starting from scratch in the army before sending me off."
"Is that why I get like one month back home every year unless I'm injured?"
"We might need to revisit some leave policies," Iroh admitted. "Is this your way of saying you let your leg get smashed up because you needed a break?"
"Nah, I did it because I wanted Korzu to come home and dote on me. Can you believe he told me to jump up my own ass and die?"
"He didn't say that."
"He might as well have. He'll come running back to the capital for Ursa, who he's known for like two years, but tells me I'm a grown man who's broken bones before. Disrespectful."
"Korzu hasn't been Ursa's physician since we first got married. You're just jealous he likes someone better than you."
"Well, no one was denying that. What are lifelong friendships for?"
Xiliu was stretched out across the garden entryway, sunbathing in the perfect warmth of the early autumn sun. His ears flicked when he heard the duo approaching, and he looked up briefly to narrow his eyes at Iroh before flopping back down.
"See," Piandao teased, "at least I'm not feuding with a cat."
"I'm not feuding with a cat." It was half-true; Xiliu was more tolerant of him these days, probably because he'd spent so much time away. "Need help?"
"I got it." Piandao hobbled down the steps a bit unsteadily. "Besides, if I make myself worse, that's more time off."
Ursa's chrysanthemums were in their autumn bloom, lovely shades of red and purple spreading across the plot. There were some new additions in the garden as well: brilliant cosmos flowers had unfurled their own array of colors on the other side of the turtleduck pond, and by the garden wall, and delicate silver lace vines climbed up the garden wall. It was amazing, seeing how much she'd transformed the garden in just two years, let alone the palace at large. Iroh didn't think he'd seen Yuna smile so much since before his mother had died.
Speaking of Yuna, she was with Ursa now, running down some list of last-minute tasks for the Autumn Festival while Ursa listened and offered brief answers while working on pruning her vines. Not too long ago, Iroh would have been the one Yuna was pestering like this. Ursa handled it with more grace than him; she'd developed her own subtle ways of redirecting the older woman when needed, offering her flowers to smell or distracting with her idle questions about other palace tasks.
"Yuna," Iroh interrupted the conversation himself now, "please, an hour alone?"
Yuna placed her hands on her hips, clearly exasperated, but still bowed. "Very well. Princess, I'll have a list of the remaining tasks sent to your room?"
"That's fine. Thank you, Yuna," Ursa smiled.
"Wow," Piandao marveled once Yuna was out of earshot. "Normally she would just send the list without asking. She must really respect you."
"I don't know about all that." She tugged off her gardening gloves, eying the bowl in Iroh's hand. "Are those fire flakes?"
"Indeed, fresh from the kitchen. Made them myself."
"No way! Piandao, did he really?"
"Yeah, although he nearly burned down half the kitchen and I had to douse him with a bucket just in case."
"You did not have to, you wanted to- oh, get bent." Iroh rolled his eyes at his friend's smug grin. "Anyway, they're sausage flavored like the ones in Hira'a. I learned from one of the Army cooks."
"You have time to take cooking lessons out in the Army?" Eyes twinkling, she took the spoon he offered her and scooped up a small portion of fire flakes. Iroh held his breath as she tasted them. "Oh, wow! They're so good."
"She's your wife, she has to say that." Piandao took his own spoon and tried the snack for himself, chewing for a moment before reluctantly admitting, "I guess they're not terrible."
"I can't believe you went and learned how to make fire flakes," Ursa gushed, taking another spoon. "Last year, you could barely boil an egg."
"Well, I couldn't let you keep showing me up on our summer vacations, could I?"
"So that means you do all the cooking next time we go, right?"
Piandao snorted at that, making Ursa turn her attention to pelting him with questions about how his leg was doing. The trio ended up sitting in Ursa's favorite spot, under the big tree by the turtleduck pond, and Xiliu slunk over to join them once he caught the smell of the food in Iroh's hands. Ursa laughed and rubbed her cat's ears, sharing some of the fire flakes with him as she talked before Piandao used the food to coax the cat to sit in his lap instead.
"I think Xiliu likes me better than you," Piandao taunted Iroh.
"You can have the cat. I'll keep his mistress for myself," Iroh responded, wrapping an arm around Ursa's waist and pulling her against him.
"I'm afraid Xiliu and I are a package deal," she sighed, leaning into the side embrace.
"Hm, I'll accept you both I guess. You're worth that little hairball of terror."
"You mean to say I'm not terrifying?"
"Of course you are. I just know how soft you are underneath that." To prove his point, he kissed her, relishing it like it was the first time again.
"I'm so happy you're home," Ursa whispered against his lips. "Really."
Next to them, Piandao gagged. "Honestly, why do you two invite me anywhere if this is all you want to do?"
Xiliu meowed in agreement.
Winter, 71 AG
"Where you goin'?" Ursa whispered, her arm draped across his torso somehow stopping him from leaving her bed just as easily as if she'd used a rope or a chain.
"It's morning, darling. I have to leave with my squad in a few hours."
"Already?" Her eyes fluttered open, accompanied by a small frown.
"Well, we did get to sleep pretty late last night," he joked.
That didn't make her smile. "You always have to leave…you're only home when you can't fight."
"I know, my love. I'm sorry."
"When are you gonna stay?"
"I'll be back for New Year's. And then for our summer trip to Ember Island."
"That's not what I mean, Iroh." Her sunshine eyes looked sadder than he could bear. "When are you gonna stay for good?"
Someday, he would. Someday, when he'd taken Ba Sing Se and the war was as good as over, he would stay with her until she got sick of him and then some. But for now, he just kissed her forehead and whispered a woefully insufficient, "When we win."
Spring, 72 AG
Azulon slid his lotus tile across the board, a blatant attempt to corner Ursa. Briefly, she weighed the merits of letting him win their courtyard game of Pai Sho; he was the Fire Lord, after all. But he'd grown tolerant of her small ways of asserting herself as princess - her flowers, her theater, her staff changes - so she asserted herself now too, taking his lotus and replacing it with her own.
"Hm." The corner of his mouth lifted. "Draw?"
"Did you ever concede a draw on the battlefield, Father?"
"No, I suppose not," he sighed, sinking back in his patio chair as a breeze blew past. "But I also never faced you. I surrender."
"And I accept victory graciously. Shall we play again?"
"Perhaps, perhaps…I'm rather out of practice. So few people dare to play an honest game against the Fire Lord, you know."
"The same is true of your son," she replied, setting up the board.
"Yes, and he was my greatest opponent. I suspect him being away so much is why I've grown rusty. That, and the fact that he prefers to play against you and his friends when he's here."
"Haven't I proven myself a match for you, Father?"
He chuckled. "Ah, you've been playing the game for barely three years. Iroh's been playing me since he was four, not that he was much good back then. Still, you've learned faster than he did."
Ursa finished setting up and opened with her preferred chrysanthemum tile. "Well, I imagine I have more time than he did to focus on games."
"I don't know if that's true. School and training always came rather easily to him, perhaps because he wanted to spend more time on games in the evenings," he shrugged. "Even in the army, he's advanced to captain in less than two years of dedicated service. And I've told his commanders I don't want him getting any special treatment out there."
Iroh's recent promotion to captain of his own squad had indeed been notably fast, considering he'd just made lieutenant last year. It was almost worth him not being home for the New Year. "He has a knack for winning over commanders."
"Indeed." Azulon began building a basic defense on the board. "Still, being captain…that's usually when careers become make or break. He'll have a proper command of his own now. More responsibilities, more weight on his shoulders, more time away from home."
"A necessary sacrifice," Ursa said neutrally. She'd been princess long enough to know when Azulon was ramping up to something. What was it he wanted now?
"Being away from home after Iroh's birth was terribly hard," he sighed. "Of course, I was Fire Lord at that point, so I had even more riding on me. Yet any moment missed with a newborn feels like a lifetime."
Oh. That was the topic. She nodded meekly.
"Still, it's a miracle I hadn't fallen in battle before I had the chance to sire my heirs. Waiting over forty years to start my family, with no siblings or cousins around to take the throne if I fell…sometimes, I don't know what I was thinking," he chuckled.
No question about it: the Fire Lord was probing her about the question of children. "Perhaps you didn't feel ready," she offered, a shaky response. Her knotweed tile almost slipped out of her suddenly sweaty hands.
"I suppose I didn't. Yet I had a duty to pass down my royal blood, and I neglected it for too long in my selfish desires as Fire Lord. That's the trouble of coming to the throne at such a young age. Agni willing, Iroh at least will have more time to prepare."
"He's fortunate to still have you as a guide." If she appeased his ego, maybe he would let up about this.
"I'm glad you think so. Sometimes I think he'd prefer I'd left the throne to him at twenty as well."
"No, I doubt it. He enjoys his freedom."
"True, the freedom of youth has no comparison. Yet it is the fact that it must end that makes it so sweet."
Was Ursa to lose more of her freedom now? So much of it had already vanished three years ago, when she'd been brought here and forcibly wed to Iroh. But all things considered, this gilded cage wasn't so bad…except that now, apparently, her captor intended to shrink it.
"Dear daughter, I can see my meaning frightens you," he said, surprisingly gentle. "I'm sure you feel as if I'm pressuring you, given your youth. But do understand, it is my experience with fatherhood that leads me to advise you that bearing children sooner rather than later will be easier. I'm sure you and Iroh would much prefer he be home as much as possible for the birth and rearing of his child. He is already a captain now; next, he will be a lieutenant colonel, then a colonel, and eventually, he will become a fine general fit to burn down the walls of Ba Sing Se. How much time do you think he will have to be at home cradling his children with each promotion he earns?"
Iroh was already gone for most of the spring and summer each year, although he was thankfully always home for their annual trip to Ember Island, and to join her on the Autumn Festival. Would those events vanish too? What was she thinking; of course they would. This year was the first time he'd missed the New Year, after all, but it certainly wouldn't be the last.
"And not only that," Azulon continued, very softly, "but how are his chances of returning home safely with each moment that he spends in combat?"
"Iroh is The Dragon of the West," she pointed out. "He will always come back, just as you did."
"Oh, I believe so as well. Yet the risk exists, don't you agree?"
The Pai Sho game between them had been all but abandoned. Ursa fidgeted with the tile in her hand, continuously flipping it over and over like it might do something about the dull knot in her chest. What would happen to her if Iroh fell in combat before she'd conceived his child? The prophecy had to be fulfilled…spirits of the isles, what if she was forced to carry Ozai's child instead? The thought made her nauseous.
"Ursa, I understand that you don't feel ready. But that is not a luxury you can afford with a destiny as important as yours, dear. Your child will be not just Fire Lord, but a Fire Lord of great power and prosperity according to our sages. By conceiving sooner rather than later, you and Iroh will get to enjoy much more of the journey of parenthood together. I certainly wish I could've been there with Ilah for more of Iroh's infancy. I missed his first words, first steps, first fires…all those little milestones that give parents such pride. Iroh at least deserves to see a few of them with his own child. And you will have the very best physicians and midwives looking after you as well. They will help prepare you."
No doubt about it, this was an order. She was being ordered to get pregnant the next time Iroh was home. Ursa felt backed into a corner in a game where she couldn't see the tiles. Would Iroh win this fight with his father if Ursa told him she wasn't ready? Or was three years of waiting for grandchildren the most the Fire Lord can tolerate?
"Daughter," Azulon said once a few silent moments had passed, "do share, where is your mind now?"
That meant he was tired of waiting for a response. "I'm anxious, Father," she said, opting for vague honesty. "Intellectually, I know what you say is true, but I don't seem able to quell the irrational part of my mind that shrinks away from the thought of childbearing."
"I admit, motherhood is a much more daunting prospect than fatherhood. I learned that much watching Ilah's struggles to conceive…and where they led." He closed his eyes, a brief moment of grief, and it occurred to Ursa that he wasn't taking this lightly. Ilah's death in childbirth had broken his family. He fully understood what might go wrong, and at least some of why she was scared. "But fear and anxiety can only control us for so long," he continued. "You have a few weeks until Iroh comes home and you leave for your summer holiday. Meditate on what I've said. Talk to your mother, and any other mothers whose advice you value. Discuss it with Iroh when he's back. Do what you must to come to terms with motherhood, but understand that the sooner the better."
In other words, even though he had some sympathy for her, Ursa needed to snap out of it and do her duty: bear Iroh a child, continue the royal line, and fulfill the prophecy.
Mechanically, she placed a tile on the board, starting the game again. It was better than sitting with her thoughts. That was best saved for alone time, when she could hold Xiliu and allow herself to shed a few tears.
A/N: I'm trying you guys I swear
~Bobbi