CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE.
WILDFLOWERS
With Alice's excellent news I was all too eager to see La again so I swung the Volkswagen out of the quiet little neighborhood behind La's, and rounded the corner to La's street. I didn't bother pretending to wonder if she was awake and walked straight up to the door.
She answered it already dressed for a hike.
"Hi," I smiled down at her, wishing I could sweep her up into my arms.
"Hi," she smiled back brightly and stepped out of the doorway to allow my entry. "Have a good night?"
"Yes," I almost snickered. Now was not the time to tell her I had spent the night watching drool drip onto her pillow. I closed the door behind me and followed her into the kitchen. "I went hunting with Alice."
"Not Edward?"
"Alice is the most supportive right now," I clarified, though Edward had certainly come around in many respects.
"Oh," she paused with the door of the fridge open in her hand. "What are the others, if not supportive?"
How much to tell her? "Incredulous, for the most part."
"They don't approve of me?" She frowned and slopped a huge spoonful of yogurt into a bowl.
"It's not that," I assured her quickly. "Edward doesn't care about anything, never really has. Jasper just thinks it's weird I could be so fascinated with a human. He's the newest to our lifestyle and I think he still views you all as a food source." I watched her for any signs of discomfort. I certainly was being free with information today, but it didn't look like any of it was scaring her off.
She saw me studying her and lifted her hands. "Pizza over salad, man. I get it."
Amazing. She was amazing. After creating a vaguely magnificent bowl of yogurt that was more berry and honey than anything else, she pressed play on her phone's home screen for music to fill the house. Today she was on Janis Martin - she would have loved experiencing the music of the 50s in real time.
"So tell me more about you," I prodded her while her mouth was full. "You went to La Push the other week, do you still have family there?"
"Yes, some cousins still, and of course my uncle still lives on the rez."
"Right, you've mentioned." We already had a vague sense of a plan in place, but I might as well get a straight answer directly from her. "So you're Quiluete?"
"Yes," she answered easily. "On my mother's side. But we only lived on the rez a short while. She moved rather quickly."
"You weren't able to spend much time there?" Quiluete, but estranged.
"No," she took another huge bite of yogurt. "Mom moved us south early. We only visited for summers, and back then we were coming here, to this house - not the one on the rez. I did spend a little time there, but not much, considering."
"We, being your sister?" I used the opportunity for a segue. "From what you've told me, it sounds like you're still very close?"
"Very," she answered easily. "I am very fortunate. I was born with a built-in friend and we actually like each other. My sister is the closest person to me in the world, I couldn't be luckier."
"What is she like?" It was a bit of a punch to the gut - this would be so much easier if she didn't have many ties to friends or family.
"All the best parts of me concentrated," she nibbled a huge strawberry she hadn't bothered to cut up into her yogurt.
"Tell me more," I urged. "You have a lot of best parts."
She tilted her head to the side with an upside-down smile. "Well, she's not so dry, and she doesn't laugh easily, but when she does it is magnificent and loud, and because it doesn't happen often it makes it more real. She cares more than anyone I've ever met - about everyone, but especially about her people. She's even more fiercely protective than I am. I once watched her make a mafia man feel small with the point of her finger because he was trying to scam me. All five-foot-two of her."
"Yes, that sound's familiar," I grinned at her. "What about your other people? Who was your favorite person you weren't related to?"
"My best friend in the world," she smiled sadly.
"Not the one that broke your heart?"
"No, this one I found randomly," she stirred the rest of the granola into the yogurt and added more honey. "He is the best person I know, and the one I miss the most."
I watched her stirring her yogurt, wanting to shake the rest of the story out of her, but not wanting to push too far.
"Erik," she smiled. "He taught me how to appreciate metal, and took me to my first show. We shared books and argued about whiskey. I haven't spoken to him in months."
"I'm sorry." The way she talked about him made it seem like she'd already made her goodbyes. She took another massive bite of yogurt and shrugged.
"It's okay, I moved here on purpose."
A weird thing to say, but I decided to circle back to that later. "Were you ever romantic?"
"No," she laughed. "Absolutely not. He's definitely like a brother."
"Did you have romantic interests?"
"I dated a bit," she said quickly and reluctantly, which put me on high alert.
"What do you mean? Anyone serious?"
"Yeah, a couple," an ellipses was implied. She didn't want to talk about this, and I couldn't tell why she was avoiding it.
"What happened?" I asked gently.
"I don't know," she snapped, then took a breath and closed her eyes. "I do know, but it's not pretty, and it's not worth remembering. Certainly not worth talking about. In the end, it didn't work out and that's all that matters. What about you?"
Hmm… I wondered if this was connected to the "he's back," she'd shouted in the night. As much as I wanted more information on that score, I couldn't bring myself to ask.
"Not for a long time," I said slowly. "Several flings, but those were all years and years ago… and never with a human."
She perked up. "Never ever?"
"Nope."
"When did you become a vampire?" This question came quickly.
"In 1934." I answered. This appeared to be the most fascinating piece of news she'd ever received. I wished I could satiate her desire, but my lack of clear memory would soon put that to bed. I would have to get her in a room with Carlisle if she wanted to ask questions about history.
She finished her breakfast quickly after that as she listened to an abbreviated version of my past - the sorry history I had been ruminating on during the night. Once La was ready, we loaded into the GTI. I handed the key to La against my better judgment, and we took off toward the meadow's trailhead, La behind the wheel.
In this, I saw another side of her that I hadn't expected. She drove like an absolute lunatic, as though she were the indestructible one, not me. Thankfully, the car handled the tight turns out of Forks easily, but once we got on the highway, she opened it up and powered down the road. I watched her with some combination of alarm and admiration as she crowed in happiness, suddenly very glad she didn't own a motorcycle.
After asking her to slow down to a more manageable speed, which she did only begrudgingly, I asked what her uncle thought of our day together. I soon discovered she never told him. In fact, she didn't tell anyone. Best yet, she further made sure even the people who originally knew we would be together now believed we had canceled.
Of all the reckless things… "What the fuck, La?" I all but shouted. It was an effort to keep my voice low. "No one knows you're with me?"
"Well, Alice knows, right?" she shrugged but didn't look over at me, keeping her eyes on the road.
"Very helpful," I snapped back, but reminded myself Alice thought we had an eighty percent chance of survival, and La was only trying to protect me in her misguided way.
Besides, truthfully I was too distracted by her presence to care. She smelled particularly delicious today, not having showered before our hike, her scent was just her, no shampoos or soaps. While her blood still sang, today I focused on the deep earthy scent of her skin. There was a touch of coconuts and something oaky, reminiscent of the whisky she drank.
We pulled into an inlet off the road and followed a very narrow track to an oblong clearing where La parked the car. We walked slowly at first, picking our way through the tangle of ferns and shrubbery until we found an easier section that allowed us to wind through the trees without much difficulty. La was quiet, spending much of the hike either watching her feet or looking up at the canopy above us. I watched her stop at a particularly heavily moss-covered tree and reach out her hand as though she would touch it, but she pulled her hand back without doing so.
"It looks so soft like it could be used as a bed," she murmured.
"Why don't you find out?"
"No," she backed away a step to maneuver around it. "I don't want to ruin it."
She was quiet again for a few moments, taking in the greenery around us. "This is unbelievable, there's nothing like this in the South. It's so alien here."
"Savannah has its charms," I goaded.
"True," she smiled and clambered over a fallen tree. I hurried to the other side to help her down, but she didn't take my hand, didn't even notice with her absorption in the immediate surroundings.
"You said you grew up all over the place, where did you go to high school?" I asked her, for something to say.
"In Atlanta," she answered distractedly, still focused on walking. She told me a couple of stories from those days, each happy ones with her friends or sister creating some kind of chaos. She avoided romantic interests entirely, and I couldn't tell if it was because she didn't date, or just didn't want to talk about it.
"Any pets?" I switched gears. She smiled deeply and told me about her childhood dog and the pain of his passing. When I asked why she never got another one, she made a joke about the universal dog distribution system not gifting her another, and then quietly followed up with never wanting to feel the pain of that loss again.
This was the root of my fears. I considered her as we walked, but she had already let her mind drift somewhere else. If the loss of a pet was so impactful, the loss of her entire family would be catastrophic - she would never forgive me. I shook myself away from those thoughts, re-centering on the beauty of the day, and chose a much more innocuous subject.
Soon enough the foliage up ahead began to thin, and light filtered down through the canopy. Noticing this, La picked up her pace until she burst through the line of trees and ran into the middle of the meadow, throwing her arms wide. She spun with her face pointed toward the sun as though she could drink the light. She let out a laugh and spun again amid the wildflowers. So beautiful.
Her exuberant happiness made me pause at the edge of the clearing. I wasn't ready yet to spoil her joy with my display of otherness. She truly was so beautiful. I let my selfish desire for her death to win for a moment as I watched her, pushing aside the guilt that accompanied the thoughts.
Her hair glinted in the light, warming from black to deepest brown as it spun in the air around her head. Radiant joy splashed around her as she spun, fingers trimming the tallest of the wild flowers. How much more beautiful would she be undead? With her own light reflecting with the sun, the physical embodiment of happiness glowing from within her skin.
Upon noticing I wasn't beside her, she turned to me and held out a hand. Beckoning me to join her, smiling broadly. I held up a hand to forestall her approach and took a moment to re-settle my mind, shrugging out of the jacket I'd worn for the hike to hang it on a nearby branch.
With a deep breath, I swept my shirt off so that I was left in just my sleeveless undershirt. I heard La catch her breath and looked over to find her eyes bright with curiosity and excitement. Eager for me to join her, she motioned again, so I stepped out into the sunshine.
Light erupted from my skin and splashed across her face. Her jaw dropped along with the hand she had been holding up. It was such a comical display of shock, I might have laughed, but I was too nervous about what she was thinking. I held still, allowing her a moment to process, praying the moment didn't end with her running away, screaming.
In silence, she stared and stared. A bee floated by in the light breeze, buzzing along toward a patch of lavender nearby. A stream splashed happily in the background, and the seconds ticked by, and still La stared.
Finally, she shook her head and blinked. "Whoa."
This seemed like a massive understatement, but I stayed where I was, allowing her to make the first move. She took a step toward me, peering up at my face, and lifted a hand as if she would touch me, but dropped it.
"Does it hurt?" She asked.
"No," I watched her closely for any signs of fear or disgust. Her heartbeat was moving quickly, but there were no other signs of fear. "The sun feels really nice, actually."
"The warmth?" she wanted to know.
"Yes," I said, as she took another step, this time to the side. Then another as she made a circle around me. "What are you thinking?"
"I am speechless as I am thoughtless," she laughed. "It's amazing. You're beautiful."
I thought about making another joke about her finding me beautiful but my mouth had gone dry. She seemed to catch my line of thinking and smirked.
"Come sit," she took my hand and led me to a small patch of heather and low grass where she sat, pulling me along with her. I asked for another minute and blew all the air out of my lungs, then sucked another one in deep. Her scent assaulted me, but I held myself firm. I turned my attention to her rapidly beating heart, listened closely to the sound of the blood rushing through her veins, her quick breaths as she watched me. I continued to breathe deeply, forcing myself to acknowledge a food source sitting so close to me. The beast inside rumbled and raged, but my true self was so disinterested in using her as food that it eventually quieted.
"You're smiling," she said.
I glanced over at her, surprised, but found that I was, indeed, smiling. "I feel…" I tried to come up with the right word and came up short. "Okay."
She laughed. "Just okay?"
"Yeah," I laid back with my hand behind my head. "I think I'm good with okay for now."
"May I?" She asked, and hesitantly stretched out a finger to sweep across the back of my hand. I loosed a breath and closed my eyes as my skin tingled in the wake of her touch.
"Is that okay still?" She pressed her palm to my forearm and slowly ran it down to my hand. I nodded as little sparks lit my veins. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as her hand traced from my shoulder to my hand igniting warmth in it's passage. I fell into a sort of trance counting her heartbeats, and revelling in her touch on my skin. Slowly her pulse returned to normal, and my breathing slowed to match. The sun painted light spots on the back of my eyelids as I languished in the combined warmth of sunlight and La's caress.
Neither of us spoke as the minutes passed. La grew more adventurous with her touch, lingering on the inside of my elbow, and stroking along the edge of my tank at the shoulder. I wanted to moan with contentment, or purr like a cat. She picked up my hand and traced the lines in my palm, then pressed our fingers together to compare length. The feeling of her palm flat against mine was pure bliss. I laced my fingers with hers and finally looked at her.
"You have no idea how good this feels," I said.
"I think I do." She smiled and fidgeted in her seat, adjusting the way her legs were crossed. A fresh wave of her scent washed over me. It was different, richer, more fragrant than a few moments ago. It made me feel vulnerable and hungry in a way that had nothing to do with food.
A mild blush bloomed on her cheeks. I squinted at her, trying to figure out what had changed.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking, actually," she said, disentangling our fingers only to use both hands to rub my palm. "And I was wishing I wasn't so afraid."
Fear, I knew it would come eventually - I had finally scared her. I sat up to better look her in the face. She went absolutely still and her heart raced. It was only then I realized I'd moved like a vampire, not a human, and the speed must have shocked her. Sitting up put me closer to her scent than I had been laying down. She breathed steadily, coffee and coconut scent washing over me, along with that new richer aroma.
"I don't want you to be scared," I whispered guiltily.
"That's not the type of fear I meant, though that's certainly something to consider," she resumed the massage of my hand, glancing down, then back up into my eyes. I studied her. This close I could see every freckle, every pore. Both of her irises had small imperfections I hadn't noticed before. Little spots where the color bled out from the circle. They were such a deep, deep brown from afar they could look black, but up close I could see the little flecks of lighter shades, golds with browns, and oranges. I breathed her aroma in again, leaning in closer, utterly distracted by her nearness.
La's eyes seemed to unfocus and she leaned in closer to me. In an instant I was nearly on her, mouth erupting with venom, jaw ratcheting open to bite down on her exposed jugular, and I…
Ran. I rocketed away, deep into the trees on the opposite side of the clearing from the direction we'd entered and jumped over the stream I'd heard in the background. There I paused and breathed, taking deep, clean gulpfuls of air. Once I felt steadier, I hurried back to the clearing, stopping at the edge where I could see La, still sitting in exactly the same pose as I'd left her.
"What happened," she wondered barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Give me a minute," I called and walked back to the stream to splash my face with the cold water. I knelt there staring at the little stones beneath the water's surface, reconciling how close I'd come to killing her.
My phone vibrated. Startled that I had service, I pulled it out of my pocket to find a message from Alice: "I don't know what happened, but well done. I'm so excited for tomorrow!"