My mother, the respected Guardian Hathaway looks hurt at my words but I can even see a glint a proud in her gaze, or maybe I only imagine the proudness in her gaze because I really want that she's finally proud of her daughter, I set myself goals in life and I try to reach each one of them, not to forget I'm going to do this on my own most of the time. There's no Dimitri at St. Vladimir's when the field experience ends.
"Rosemarie, I'm glad for you, but raising a child in a school.. not to mention a newborn.. that's ridiculous don't you think so? Good, you've thought about everything but a baby will keep up every Guardian when she cries. Guardians need their sleep. Everyone needs sleep. I can't tell you what to do because you're an adult, and even if you would still be a minor, you probably wouldn't listen. You can still begin in 4 years when she's going to Kindergarten here?"
"I know it's insane, but if she really doesn't sleep at all, and keeps crying I know a place where I can go with her and no one would hear us." Oh wow, one thing she got right, I would never listen. "This deal with Alberta and Kirova is far better than with Croft. I talked to him about working after the baby is born. Instead of 6 days like always I would only work 4 days. And still behind the desk because they need someone for the paperwork. She would be in day-care for over 8 hours with strangers. So, you as a mother too, tell me.. what is the better option? Her being with me and with people I trust or with strangers right after she's born? Damn, I forgot, you did that with me so you can't really answer that."
"Now you're being unfair. It was the best for the both of us Rose. I was a Guardian when I got pregnant with you, I didn't wanted to give that up. I'm a Guardian for God's Sake not a housewife."
"And what am I? Am I a housewife because I don't follow your path?" I look at her, trying to put on a stern mask like she does. She's driving me nuts. "I know your problem very well. You're not happy I'm pregnant, I get it. We all get it. What makes it even worse that Dimitri, my former Mentor is the father and I got pregnant while I was still in school and 17 years old, right? A minor. Go on, tell me the truth."
"You were a student! I really expected more. I get that it wasn't planned and normally impossible. You're right, what were you thinking Rose? You came back to the academy and instantly fell in love with your Mentor and he fell in love with you, you even slept with him when you were 17, didn't you care at all what could have happened if someone were to find out? Belikov would have lost his job and you expelled. I don't even expect from you to follow my path, it's- " she gets cut by Abe who came out of nowhere. I don't know how much he heard, or where he stood exactly but I'm glad he interrupted my mother.
"Janine I think our daughter knew what she was doing, and it wasn't only her fault, right? He chose to give in as well and risk his career, don't blame her for everything. If I remember correctly, you also fell in love once. I was just so charming and attractive. You couldn't help it." What is this Mother - Father reunion? I didn't even knew my Mother could actually fell in love. I thought I was the product of a One-night stand. I clear my throat loudly.
"Hey, I'm still here," waving my hands and looking at them "Old man, where the hell did you come from? Is this now a former lovers reunion now between the two of you? I can go. I'm hungry anyway."
"I don't let you off the hook so easily Rosemarie." My mom replies, she was furious but since Abe joined us she calmed off a bit.
"Yes you do Janine. Rose told you enough. Now it's your decision what you do with these informations. Take them to heart, be the mother she deserves or stay grumpy the rest of your life." He smirks. "Little girl, go eat. Belikov's family is leaving today so make the best of it."
Breakfast with his family went well, my mood is already much better than before. And actually now Dimitri and I are fighting about what movie to watch with them. A western or a comedy/drama. Comedy/drama won. I just have the best arguments. We're all sitting in the lounge, I cuddle up to Dimitri and start the movie. Viktoria chose Sex and the City 2, since she only saw the first but not second, we on the other hand didn't even saw the first. Doesn't matter, I just enjoy the time with the three of them as long as I can. It's not even that hard to follow up on the movie, the girls are fun, especially Samantha. I wonder if Lissa saw Sex and the City.
From time to time I look up to Dimitri and steal kisses. Oh, how much I love this man, even if he's grumpy because we're not watching a western like he suggested a million time. My gaze flickers back to the screen just when one of the girl is telling her husband she kissed her ex. I can't help it and feel sorry for him, even though it's only a movie and my emotions are running wild right now. We still didn't had that talk.
"I know how he feels like.." I murmur quietly against Dimitri's chest. I sense him tense behind me. In the background I don't hear any voices from the tv only Viktoria's. Fuck.
"Rose? What do you mean?" She looks at me curiously and to her brother. Damn it. Why did I opened my mouth? To be honest, it still hurts, seeing that scene reminded me again of it. What should I say now? I don't want them to be disappointed in Dimitri, never. Also, I still don't really know why the hell he kissed that bitch. I could blame it on the pregnancy.. Or whatever comes to my mind now first.
"Another guy I once dated for a few weeks only." I force a smile "Don't worry."
"Dimka? Do you know anything about it?" She raises an eyebrow. It's official, she didn't believe me. I'm normally good at making lies up and people believe them. Except for Dimitri, not a single one.
"Yes Vika," he frowns "I know about it. Let us continue the movie."
"Oh my God," His sister springs up from her place with a knowing gaze. "It was you! You cheated on her, Dimka!"
"Calm down, please Viktoria.. Don't be mad at him. It wasn't his fault." I try to calm her but both, his mother and his sister are looking disappointed towards him. What did I do?
"How could you Son? I raised you better."
"Mama, that's a long story.. Roza has an enemy, she hates her. Weeks ago she tried to kill Rose when she was already pregnant. This woman is trying everything to get to her. She wants her out of the way, I just don't know why. She showed up at College where I was with Vasilisa, my charge. Kept asking where Rose is, if she still lives at Court. Got already mad because I didn't wanted to tell her. I figured the only thing to take her mind off of Rose was kissing her. I would've fought with her but she's a Moroi, royal actually. She stopped asking after.. but also because Lissa walked in and Tasha ran off. Zmey's searching for her."
So that's the whole story behind that kiss.. He doesn't know why? For God's Sake is he blind? After all what she has done to me he still didn't wanted to fight her. Okay, in one way I can understand because one right landed punch from him and she would have been injured badly, but he can control the strength. I really don't know what to think right now. Did he maybe wanted to kiss her and this is only an excuse?
"This woman tried to kill you?" Dimitri's sister looks at me before looking at his brother with a furious glaze. I should have kept my mouth shut, never wanted this to happen. "And you still kissed her? Are you out off your mind? Doesn't matter if she's royal. I hope she gets what she deserves, and with someone like Abe Mazur searching for her, she certainly will! Wait, Tasha.. as in Natasha Ozera? I expected better from you Dimka.."
"Yes it's her. She hates me with all fiber in her body. My guess is, Tasha thinks if I'm out off the way she might have a chance with Dimitri. I must say she is damn good at hiding or running away, though." I take Dimitri's hand and squeeze it, trying to comfort him or maybe me. Even if I'm the one who brought us into this mess. Looking at him with an apologizing look, but I know that won't make it better. I ruined the last day of their visit. I ruined everything, the baby shower and today. "Please, stop. I forgave him, it was only a comment on a movie. And my stupid pregnancy hormones are getting on me. He tried to save me and the baby because the last time she found me, she set the room on fire and Dimitri couldn't help us. So I rather have him distracting her, because believe me, Tasha would have found out if they have kept arguing."
I think I'm still good at lying at least the first part was a lie. I feel bad about lying to them but it is the only choice I have. Did I forgave him? Definitely not, I only push the thought about it away and try to forget. But I really do want to believe he tried to save me and our baby and in some ways it's plausible because hell, if Dimitri kisses me, I forget everything around me. It's like we're the only two person on the planet, a God for real. I guess Tasha felt the same, what definitely bothers me. One good thing now is Olena and Viktoria aren't looking so disappointing and furious at Dimitri anymore. They're still a little but both understand now. Except for Dimitri, he can tell when I lie and when I tell the truth. Damn it. I can see the mixed emotions on his face, it hurts me because again I was the one causing them. I snuggle closer to him, lift my head to kiss him passionately.
"I love you Comrade" I whisper against his lips. Taking his hand and placing them on my belly with mine above his. Instantly she starts kicking as soon as his hands were on my belly. We're not even night? Normally she sleeps during the day, oh man that's so unfair. Maybe she changed her schedule and I can get some sleep at night? That would be wonderful. Or his hands are just pure magic, yep that too. "Feel that?" I grin.
"I love you too Roza. I do." He's giving me one of his rare smiles, I'm glad I'm sitting because this one would definitely make my knees melting into pudding.
After the movie we decide to part our way, not completely but I'll show St. Vladimir's to Viktoria and Dimitri is spending time with his mother. It's a good idea because he really missed his family like hell, especially his mom. A call once a week or twice a week just isn't the same, and Skype once in a while neither. Yes it's making him happy for the moment, he's talking to them and keeping them updated on everything, but when I was around I saw the look on his face when they hung up and it broke me. These months without Dimitri were hell for me, but sometimes I could at least see him for one day, how hard must it be for his family? For Olena, not seeing her son all these years? I suddenly shiver at the thought and tears are building in my eyes, quickly wiping them away. God, I'm not even a mother yet and already now I can't stand the thought of not seeing her every single day.
"Do you have a favorite place here?" Vika asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts which I'm glad of.
"Actually yes," I grab her by the wrist and pull her towards the gym. The door already wide open. "The gym." I grin. And the cabin, but I won't tell her that. We enter one of my favorite places here and I sit down on the mat where I sat the day I found out I'm pregnant. Viktoria takes place beside me and turns to me.
"The Gym? Why? I mean every other girl would have showed me a place where no teacher could ever find them or whatever." Asking me curiously "There's a story behind it right or wait.. tell me about you and Dimka."
"About your brother and me? He brought me and Lissa back to the Academy, I hated him for bringing us back. He kind of convinced the Headmistress to not suspend me and instead I got him as my mentor to catch up on the training. Before school and after school. Thought that would suck, but very soon I found out these were my favorites hours. He could already read me like an open book after only a month, and I could read him. He knows me better then any other person does, I think he even knows me better than I know myself. Soon it was undeniable that we have feelings for each other, but we tried to deny it anyway and move on. Around Christmas Break last year.. I tried to move on with Mason, but it just wasn't right, he was my best friend but died in Spokane. Dimitri with Tasha and he even got a job offer as her Guardian and becoming more, even kids." One look at Viktoria's face tells me she's disappointed again. It changed so sudden, from happy to disappointing. "Your brother turned her down. I remember exactly when and where he told me that he turned the offer down. It was here in the gym, he said he couldn't accept the offer not when his heart is somewhere else."
I think that's enough for her to know about. She doesn't need to know about the precious moments here in the gym, or every time I was in the clinic. Every moment. I'll keep them to myself.
"You hated Dimitri? How can someone hate him? And you two could always control yourself until 33 weeks ago?"
"When I saw him I thought he was hot but in that moment I hated or rather disliked everyone who wanted to bring Lissa and me back to the Academy." I say honestly. And it's true, but when I think back it was probably the best thing that could happen to me. I wouldn't be a promised Guardian, and never would have met Dimitri. Her question about the control, she doesn't need to know about the lust charm. "Pretty much.. We kissed twice but that's all.."
"Who would have thought Dimka would fall in love with his student. Or rather former student." His sister grins at me. "Rose? Can I ask you what you think about St. Vladimir's?"
What I think about the school? Why does she want to know? A random question or is there more behind it? Does she want to come to USA, especially here? I think Dimitri would be delighted to have one of his sisters in St. Vladimir's, I wouldn't mind either because I like her but what about her family in Russia?
"What I think of St. Vlad's.. well, I grew up here, got raised here. I can't really say anything bad. Look at the gym, there's everything we need to work out and big enough to run some laps. Outside even better, it's so beautiful every season of the year. I used to run my laps outside sometimes with Dimitri, now I jog or rather waddle around. We have some great teachers, and amazing Guardians. The Headmistress is okay too, but she hates or hated me. I was kind of a rebel. Why do you ask anyway?"
"It is beautiful. I want to see more of the world instead of only staying in Baia. Maybe starting with changing the school, but I didn't asked Mama yet. As for Babushka, guess she might have foreseen it by now. We'll keep in touch, right?" I can only nod, Dimitri told me about their Grandma, what she's capable of. Viktoria may be right.
"You're okay?" I ask my Russian God as we sit next to each other in the dining hall. It's been one hour since his mother and youngest sister left. I know he misses them already, and for me, it was nice having them around. Even though I showed myself from a kind of bad side and embarrassed Dimitri the whole time.
"I am. It was nice seeing them again after a long time." He smiles lightly, though it doesn't reaches his eyes. I finally spit out about Vika's plan, as I watch him closely I realize he isn't surprised by the news.
"There you are! We have news, great news actually!" Lissa exclaims excited, she blocked the bond that I can't read her mind. Damn it!
Author's Note:
Are you watching Bridgerton? If so, what are your thoughts on season 3 so far? (Or on the book if you read it, that is.)
I read the book twice now, and love it. I just don't know if I can say the same about the netflix series season 3.