The Mayhem Critic

by James Stryker

He's the critic that rips movies a new one. The critic with a bad attitude and a renegade status with a short fuse.

219. Episode 215: Rogue One: Commercials XII

The Mayhem Critic

Aloha, my fellow readers and welcome back to another fun and hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic and today you're in for a real treat. When we last left off, Sean the Mayhem Critic and Ryoma the Craze Critic reviewed Roland Emmerich's Godzilla and they gave their thoughts about the movie. Today, our favorite residential movie critic and his good pal Lucas are taking a look at a new batch of commercials in the next installment of the commercials special simply titled "Rogue One: Commercials XII". So sit back, relax and grab yourself a cold one to drink, this is the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.

P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this chapter. All rights and references belong to their respective sources.

Episode 215

Rogue One: Commercials XII

(We open with the usual Mayhem Critic intro. After the intro ends, we jump straight into the ABC bumper featuring What-a-Mess the Dog from 1994, followed by a Fox Kids bumper featuring Dynamo Duck is shown. Suddenly, Sean pushes the intro out of the way as we see him and Lucas a.k.a. UltimateWarriorFan4Ever sitting on the couch in their usual outfits for every Commercials special)

"Hey, hey, hey! Why did we jump straight into the intro? We haven't shouted out "Commercials!" like we always do." Sean said.

"Yeah, so what's the deal?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah, let's start the intro again." Sean said. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one."

"And I'm his good buddy Lucas." Lucas said.

"And welcome to…" Sean said.

(Suddenly, Sean is cut off by the intro to today's Commercials special as different bumpers featuring What-a-Mess the Dog from the ABC Saturday Morning bumper from 1994, Dynamo Duck from a Fox Kids bumper from 1992, a Kids WB bumper from 1997, Felix the Cat from a CBS Saturday Morning bumper and an NBC Saturday Morning bumper from 1988 are shown)

(TV static transitions to: Grape Nuts "Did You Ever Eat a Pine Tree" commercial featuring Euell Gibbons from 1974)

(The commercial opens with author Euell Gibbons walking in the woods and we see a caption that reads "Euell Gibbons, Author of "Stalking the Good Life"")

Euell Gibbons: I'm Euell Gibbons. I've spent years learning about natural foods. Ever eat a pine tree?

Sean and Lucas both look at the camera with a confused look on their faces.

"Uh, what?" Sean asked.

Euell Gibbons: Ever eat a pine tree?

"Why would I ever eat a pine tree? In fact, who in their right mind would eat a pine tree?" Lucas asked.

Euell Gibbons: Many parts are edible.

"Oh, I didn't know that many parts of a pine tree are edible. Mostly because we do not eat pine trees." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Back in the '70s, outdoorsman and health food advocate Euell Gibbons was the spokesperson for Post Grape Nuts cereal and he asks the viewers this question.

Euell Gibbons: Ever eat a pine tree? Many parts are edible.

"Oh, really? Maybe I should ask you that question. Have you eaten a pine tree, old man?" Lucas asked.

Lucas: (Narrating) Yeah, this dude is asking people if they've ever eaten a pine tree. I've never known anyone who has ever eaten a pine tree.

"Hey, Sean. Have you ever eaten a pine tree?" Lucas asked.

"No way. Have you ever eaten a pine tree?" Sean asked.

"Hell, no. You would be a complete nutjob to eat a pine tree." Lucas said.

Euell Gibbons: Natural ingredients are important to me. (Sits down at a table and pours himself a bowl of Grape Nuts) That's why Post Grape Nuts is part of my breakfast.

"Ah, yes. Grape Nuts. The one cereal that tastes like cardboard. It's the one cereal you know you've got it good." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, this is a man who loves eating Grape Nuts. He's just surviving in the wilderness and eating pine trees since he loves nutritious stuff. And yet, he's eating the world's most boring cereal.

Euell Gibbons: This wholesome cereal is made from wheat and barley. These natural ingredients are baked into crunchy nuggets and fortified with vitamins.

"Fortified with vitamins? Ooh, sounds good. I'm sure people would love eating pine trees or cattails with vitamins. I would rather eat a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch than eat a bowl of Grape Nuts cereal." Lucas said.

Euell Gibbons: It's naturally sweet taste reminds me of wild hickory nuts.

"So, basically you're telling us that you like the taste of nuts in your mouth." Sean said.

"Dude, you've been spending way too much time outdoors." Lucas said.

Lucas: (Narrating) Euell Gibbons. He puts the "nuts" in Grape Nuts.

(The commercial ends with a bowl of Grape Nuts sitting on a table with the cereal box along with a cup of coffee, a glass of milk and a glass of orange juice and two slices of toast. We then see the caption "Back-to-nature cereal." on screen)

Euell Gibbons: (V/O) I call Grape Nuts my back-to-nature cereal.

(We then see the caption, "Unless you like eating pine trees." below the "Back-to-nature cereal." caption)

(TV static transitions to: Encyclopedia Britannica commercial from 1988)

(The commercial opens with a blonde-haired teenager wearing a white t-shirt, blue jean jacket, blue jeans and white sneakers sitting on a chair while his feet is laying on the desk. He also happens to hold a bowl of oatmeal in his hands.)

Teenager (played by Donovan Freberg): My folks make sure I get a good breakfast. You know, plenty of fiber and all that stuff.

"Let me guess, you've been eating Euell Gibbons's Grape Nuts?" Lucas rolled his eyes.

Teenager: Also, they buy me nice school clothes. They get me a computer, a video camera, compact disc player, but the problem is, hardly any of this stuff can really help me with my school work.

"Oh, well I don't know, how about uh… GO TO THE FUCKING LIBRARY?!" Sean growled to the camera.

"Yikes, what a defeatist this kid must be," Lucas rolled his eyes before replying, "If only someone had common sense to put him in his place.."

Narrator (voiced by Stan Freberg): There is something you can have which would help you a lot. Do you know what that is?

Teenager: *to the Narrator* No, but I'm afraid you're gonna tell me.

"Duh, of course he's gonna tell you, dipshit." Sean groaned, "You got Grape Nuts stuffed in your ears?"

Narrator: Uh, yes, it's the new Encyclopedia Britannica.

Teenager: Encyclopedia Britannica. Now you tell me. I got a report due tomorrow.

Narrator: On what?

"Let me guess, is he gonna write a report on being a total numbnuts?" Lucas shrugged to the camera.

Teenager: On the exploration of space.

"Well, so much for that." Sean rolled his eyes again.

Sean: (Narrating) Yes, before we had AI telling us what to do and before Wikipedia was invented, we had Encyclopedia Britannica. You ever wanted your own personal library in the comfort of your own home without moving your fatass to the library? This was your thing.

Lucas: (Narrating) In this commercial, we see some smartass teenager not even knowing what to do about his book report. Weird because he has a computer, video camera and CD player by his table. Things that are probably enough to get his book report done in time. But since it's not enough for him, we get a narrator to set him straight instead. Oh joy.

(Pictures of a space shuttle and an astronaut are shown.)

Narrator: Take a look at this. From the first beeps of Sputnik to the triumph of the Apollo moon-landing.

Teenager: Hey, I'm impressed. This way, I wouldn't have to worry about getting to the library. It's right in my own home!

Narrator: Day and night.

Teenager: All right.

"Well, la-de-fricking-da!" Sean exclaimed, "I just explained the whole description to everyone not too long ago!"

Teenager: Well, since this has turned out to be a Britannica commercial, I guess you're gonna tell me how somebody could get a set.

Narrator: Actually, I thought I might…

Teenager: And I suppose you're gonna throw one of those 800 numbers up on the screen. Am I right?

"At least give the guy a chance to talk, you nerdy little bastard." Lucas said.

Narrator: Might as well.

(The phone number 1-800-268-6364 appears on the bottom of the screen, leading the teenager to see the number.)

Teenager: And there it is.

Narrator: To find out how you can own the Encyclopedia Britannica, just call this toll-free number and well send you this free booklet, telling you everything you need to know about your key to the information age.

Teenager: I'm typing into my computer so I won't forget it.

Narrator: Good.

"Because there may be a good chance your roommate may delete it just to write his smut in privacy." Sean said, imitating the Narrator.

Narrator: And just for previewing Brittanica in your home, your family will receive this 3-volume desk reference set.

Teenager: *to the Narrator* Do we get to keep it?

Narrator: Yes.

"Of course the narrator's telling you all of this, you little nerdy turd." Lucas rolled his eyes.

"Way to keep asking the Narrator stupid fricking questions." Sean nodded.

Lucas: (Narrating) By the way, the teenager in this commercial goes by the name of Donavan Freberg. And believe it or not, do you know who directed this commercial?

(A picture of Stan Freberg pops up.)

Lucas: That's right. His own dad, Stan Freberg. A radio legend in his own right. And if that's not convincing enough, well then, he's also the narrator of this commercial.

"In fact, can you really honestly imagine the commercial pitch somebody had to this?" Sean asked to the camera, "I definitely love to imagine that."

(Cutaway gag begins.)

(We see Sean dressed up as a '80s business executive with big shoulder pads talk on the phone.)

Sean: Uh yeah, Stan, we would like to know if you'd be interested in directing a commercial for a little product of ours called Encyclopedia Brittanica.

(Muffled sounds are heard towards the phone, imitating Charlie Brown's teacher.)

Sean: What's in it for you? We'll cast your son as a smart sarcastic wiseass who asks too many stupid questions to you like a dumbfuck.

(Muffled sounds are heard again.)

Sean: Good, be there at the studio tomorrow. Pleasure talking to you.

(Sean hangs the phone up.)

Sean: Ahhhhh, so glad smart sarcastic wiseass nerds are the hottest thing going today.

(Cutaway gag ends.)

"The more you learn, the more you know, people." Lucas nodded.

Narrator: So if you would be interested in owning the new Britannica…

Teenager: I'm thinking it over.

Narrator: Just call this number. Encyclopedia Britannica, the library that never closes.

"Smart sarcastic wiseass nerd not included." Sean said, imitating the narrator yet again.

Teenager: I thought it was my key to the information age.

Narrator: Uh, it's both, actually.

(The teenager nods.)

"Well, that was a pain." Lucas nodded.

"Indeed," Sean nodded as well, all before grabbing the remote control, "And speaking of 800 numbers…"

(TV static transitions to: 1-800-WE ARE 18 commercial from 2000)

(The commercial opens with a group of sexy babes in bikinis)

Female Voice: Try We Are 18. The number one chatline in the world.

Sean: (Narrating) Ah, yes. A staple of late-night television.

"You could be watching something on Star 64 or Fox 19. And you see this commercial playing." Sean said.

(The commercial plays showing some of the hottest women having fun and looking sexy)

Female Voice: We're hot. We know how to cool off.

"And you know how to make us instantly hard." Lucas said.

Female Voice: We love to have fun.

Lucas: (Narrating) Man, don't you just love how they show off the hot babes in this commercial. Those are actual porn actresses in the commercial.

(We see the hot blonde in a pink string bikini standing underneath the shower is Shay Sweet the porn actress)

Sean: (Narrating) Hell, I recognize the hot blonde. That happens to be porn actress Shay Sweet. (A picture of Shay Sweet is shown) A pre-boob job Shay Sweet.

(The number is shown on the screen)

Female Voice: Come hang with us now at 1-800-WE ARE 18.

Lucas: (Narrating) Yeah, let's call the number so we can share our naughty fantasies to horny hot babes. Makes me wonder if you're even talking to a beautiful woman on the other end of the phone. It's probably an unattractive woman talking to you with a voice changer.

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

(We open with Sean as we see him sitting on the couch with his phone)

Taylor: (V/O as Attractive Woman on Phone) Hello? Mmm, who's this?

Sean: This is Sean.

Taylor: (V/O) Hi, Sean. I'm Kenzie. Would you like to know what I have on?

Sean: Sure.

Taylor: (V/O) Absolutely nothing.

Sean: Ooh, sounds kinky.

Taylor: (V/O) So, what do you want to talk about?

Sean: I want to talk about some of the naughty things I want to do to your body.

(Cut to a clip from Beavis and Butt-Head. It's from the episode "1-900-BEAVIS" where we see the actress, who's an unattractive obese woman)

Actress: (With Taylor's voice) Don't be shy, baby. Tell me what to do.

Sean: (On the phone) I want you to spank yourself.

Actress: (With Taylor's voice) Ooh, baby. You're naughty.

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

Female Announcer: Pick up the phone and call us now.

Sean: (Narrating) This is one phone sex line commercial that'll make you come for the hot porn actress, but don't call the number.

(The commercial ends with an attractive brunette on a lounge chair in the pool)

Attractive Brunette: Don't let your fantasies drift away.

Sean: (V/O as Beavis) Call to meet chicks!

Lucas: (V/O as Butt-Head) And score.

(TV static transitions to: Autoland Sale commercial featuring Morton Downey Jr. circa 1989)

(The commercial opens with Morton Downey Jr., who is walking toward a man who is dressed like Thomas Jefferson while an audience is seen sitting down.)

Morton Downey Jr.: What is this, a sick joke with you jerks? What are gonna do? Seller or sale?

Man: Well, we're giving away cherry pies with every purchase!

Morton Downey Jr: OH!

(Morton takes the man's Thomas Jefferson's wig off and whacks Abraham Lincoln's hat off its head.)

"Well damn, this got to be the best presidential debate I've never seen." Sean nodded.

"Yeah, is CNN broadcasting this?" Lucas shrugged to the camera, "Because I'm completely sold."

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, this may look like a debate, but this is actually a commercial for Autoland featuring everyone's favorite chain-smoking loudmouth, Morton Downey Jr.

(A montage is shown featuring clips of The Morton Downey Jr. Show while the theme song plays in the background.)

Lucas: (Narrating) For those who are not very familiar with this man, Morton Downey Jr. became a trendsetter for what we know the genre today as Trash TV. He first found local success as a loud brash radio personality before he broke into the mainstream in 1987 with his short-lived but memorable controversial program, The Morton Downey Jr. Show. My goodness, was the show crazy as it got. It involved Morton getting into shouting matches with his guests, which resulted in a lot of memorable moments for the show.

"We could name a lot of those memorable moments from the show, but we'll be taking a lot of time in this special naming a lot. But I can name one from the show: Reverend Al Sharpton getting knocked on his fat ass by Roy Innis." Sean said.

"How about the time he also had Ace Frehley from KISS on the show?" Lucas shrugged. "Or better yet, how about the time where believe it or not, he had an actual guest that claims to be a "Stripper For God"? Don't believe me? Let this clip speak for yourself."

(A clip of The Morton Downey Jr Show plays, showing the self-professed Stripper For God)

Stripper For God: I'm sick of tired of guys like you calling us bimbos!

Morton Downey Jr: Hey, sit down, you fat bitch!

(Morton shoves her using his stomach)

Morton Downey Jr.: Sit down!

"Ah, now that was some good shit." Sean nodded.

"Yep, so nowadays, every time you think of people like Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, thank people like Morton Downey Jr for giving them a platform that best represents trash TV." Lucas nodded as well, "And every time we think about Morton Downey Jr., it pretty much reminds us of this moment right here."

(A clip of WrestleMania V plays showing "Rowdy" Roddy Piper holding a fire extinguisher in front of Morton Downey Jr, who's got his back turned to him.)

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper: Yo, Mr. Downey! Gimme that smoke, would ya?

(Morton turns around before Roddy Piper blows a cold blast of his fire extinguisher in Morton's face.)

"Well, how about that?" Sean smirked, "Rowdy Roddy Piper's here to kick ass, chew bubblegum and blow cold smoke in people's face. And he's all out of bubblegum."

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, Morton Downey Jr. was the King of Trash TV, and what better way to have our favorite chain smoking, hot-tempered talk show host is by having him appear in Autoland commercials. In this one, it parodies Morton Downey Jr.'s talk show while advertising Autoland's President's Day Sale and he gets to bully people dressed as George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

Morton Downey Jr.: What is this, a sick joke with you jerks? What are gonna do? Seller or sale?

Man: Well, we're giving away cherry pies with every purchase!

Morton Downey Jr: OH!

(Morton takes the man's Thomas Jefferson's wig off and whacks Abraham Lincoln's hat off its head)

"You know, if that was some guy dressed as Donald Trump, then Morton Downey Jr. would definitely beat the everloving shit out of that orange guy." Lucas said.

"Well, let's see what Autoland is selling." Sean said.

Morton Downey Jr.: What about you, Autoland? (Throws the wig)

(Morton approaches the Autoland Salesmen, who are sitting down in chairs as the caption "Real President's Month Sale" pops up on screen)

Autoland Salesman #1: We're having our annual Real President's Sale, Mort!

Morton Downey Jr.: That's more like that! (He then approaches a woman named Nancy) Nance, you got a new van last year. How much did you save?

Nancy Rispoli: $2942 on my Dodge Caravan!

Morton Downey Jr.: All right!

"She saved $2942 on her Dodge Caravan? That's freakin' sweet!" Lucas exclaimed.

"Man, I wish I saved $2942 on my Ford Explorer." Sean said.

Autoland Salesman #2: We got 4.9% financing, Morton!

(A rival salesman throws a presidential wig at the Autoland Salesman)

Morton Downey Jr.: A real sale, not phony presidents!

(Morton smashes a cream pie on the guy dressed as George Washington)

"Yeah, Morton Downey Jr. doesn't take kindly towards people who dress as presidents." Lucas said.

Lucas: (Narrating) Don't you just love how Morton Downey Jr. just smashes the pie in that guy's face?

(We see that scene being played once more)

Lucas: (Narrating) I can expect that coming from him. I think he was trying to channel his inner Bugs Bunny when he smashed the pie in that guy's face.

(We see Bugs Bunny's head superimposed on Morton Downey Jr. and Elmer Fudd's head superimposed on the guy dressed as George Washington)

Sean: (V/O as Bugs Bunny) You ain't no president, doc! Get the hell outta here!

"Oh man, that is classic stuff," Lucas chuckled. "Somebody should've put that in a Looney Tunes cartoon."

"And can we point out how awesome Morton Downey Jr. was in this commercial?" Sean asked to the camera, "It definitely reminds me of the time I went through my loud, obnoxious, talk show host phase once."

(Cutaway gag plays.)

(We see Sean The Mayhem Critic dressed up in a business suit while chatting with one of his backstage men a la the intro of The Morton Downey Jr. Show. He then comes out of the entrance way only to be greeted by a crowd of fans, who are busy cheering him on as Sean shakes every single one of their hands. After he's done doing that, he then tells the crowd to "Zip It" before smirks right over to the camera.)

Sean: You know, we live in a country where crime rates are at an all-time high, teen pregnancies are up the ass and white supremacists are shockingly causing riots all over this country of ours. But that is nothing compared to the only problem we as a country are facing. That's right: Lack of MILFs. Some people like to refer to those initials as Man I Love Fishing, but we like to call it Mothers I Love to Fuck. What is about them that keeps this spirit alive? Is it because of their big rack, their firm cabooses, the way they dress like hot looking sluts getting sweaty at a strip club? Or is it something else we don't know about, like maybe they're actually truckers in disguise? Whatever it is, we got them here on our show today. Plus, we also meet up with a real life milf who also happens to be so old, she had kids that were in the civil war! Real-life MILFs coming next on The Mayhem Critic Jr. Show.

(Sean's girlfriend Taylor then shows up in her living room door feeling pissed off.)

Taylor; Sean, what in the hell did I tell you? No bringing your very own audience to my house!

(Cutaway gag ends.)

"That was originally gonna be our pilot, but the girlfriend destroyed my camera crew and the tape we had with it." Sean said, groaning.

"Yeah, bitchy girlfriends ruin everything." Lucas nodded in disappointment.

Sean: (Narrating) An '80s car commercial and Morton Downey Jr. What more can you ask for?

Morton Downey Jr.: On the spot financing immediate delivery. *stares to the camera* 1-800-AUTOLAND, the price is right now!

(The sign "Our Annual Real President Day Sale" pops up on the screen.)

Morton Downey Jr.: Hurry. Ends soon.

Sean: (V.O.) Or else you'll be pied in the f*ing face.

(TV static transitions to: Mortal Kombat TBS Superstation promo from 1998)

(The "Mortal Kombat" theme starts playing, followed by clips from the movie and the caption "World Broadcast Premiere")

Announcer: Tonight on the Superstation…

"Let's say it together." Sean said.

"MORTAL KOMBAT!" Sean and Lucas both yelled out.

Man: MORTAL KOMBAT!

We then cut back to Sean and Lucas as they both immediately started dancing to the theme song.

"This'll never get old!" Lucas shouted to Sean while holding a bottle of Mountain Dew.

Sean: (Narrating) Hell, yeah! Now we're talking. Back in the late '90s and early '00s, TBS and TNT aired films produced by New Line Cinema and they were owned by Turner. So, they showed this awesome little gem on TBS Superstation.

Announcer: In the ultimate battle of good and evil…

Shang Tsung (Played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa): It has begun!

Announcer: …evil is about to take control. For Earth, these fighters are our one last chance.

Lucas: (Narrating) I just love the fact that Jim Cummings was the announcer for this promo.

Announcer (Voiced by Jim Cummings) In the ultimate battle of good and evil…/…evil is about to take control.

"You know your promo is awesome when you have Winnie the Pooh as the narrator." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Man, how sweet it is to be a kid in the '90s. I owned the movie on VHS when my grandmother gave it to me for Christmas. Yeah, that's the first PG-13 movie that I owned when I was a kid. This was before we got cable. Then, when we got cable back in 1999, you know I definitely watched this movie on TBS and TNT when it came on, even though I had it on VHS.

Announcer: For the first time on network television, prepare yourself for the world broadcast premiere. Mortal Kombat. Sunday 8pm/eastern, exclusively on the Superstation.

"Because, what other network would you see Mortal Kombat on?" Lucas asked.

(Suddenly, the Fox Network promo appears in between Sean and Lucas as they both look down at the logo)

"Okay, I didn't know that they aired the movie on Fox." Lucas said.

"I'm guessin' they're not the only ones showing Mortal Kombat." Sean said. "Hell, I forgot that the movie premiered on Fox years ago."

"Screw that, we're stickin' with TBS Superstation. 'Cause that's the one place where you can find…" Lucas said.

"MORTAL KOMBAT!" Sean and Lucas both yelled out.

Lucas: (Narrating) There are other promos for Mortal Kombat on TBS, and the other two that Sean has found are for Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade.

(Cut to the two promos featuring Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade)

Announcer: Johnny Cage, martial arts superstar and box office champion. You have been trained by great masters from around the world, but you use your talents only on the screen./Sonya Blade, member of a top U.S. special forces unit, you trust no one. Your mission has been to hunt down your mortal enemy Kano, the murderer of your partner.

"Don't you just love how the only two promos that he found happened to be for the future parents of Cassie Cage? What? No love for Liu Kang or Raiden? Hell, what about Kitana's fine ass?" Lucas asked.

Announcer: … prepare yourself for the world broadcast premiere. Mortal Kombat. Sunday 8pm/eastern, exclusively on the Superstation.

"Well, we've checked out a promo for an awesome video game movie, let's check out a commercial for an awesome video game." Sean said.

(TV static transitions to: Killer Instinct "WTF" Super Nintendo commercial circa 1995)

Guy #1: Holy *Goofy sound effects censors what he said*!

(Cut to footage from the game where we see Sabrewulf uppercutting Fulgore in the Canyon stage, followed by Jago spin kicking Thunder in the Chicago Alley stage)

"I'm sorry, but what did you just say?" Sean asked.

Guy in Leather Jacket: Same *beeping* graphics…

(Cut to more footage from the video game)

Guy in Leather Jacket: Same *beeping* moves.

"Excuse you? But this is a family-friendly commercial. Watch your mouth." Sean said.

(Cut to more footage of the game)

Guy with Ponytail: It looks like the *bell rings* arcade!

"Jeez, where the hell is this guy's parents at?" Lucas asked. "Who on earth taught him to cuss at a young age?"

Sean: (Narrating) Well, if we do have to ask why they have to be foulmouths, it's all because they're promoting the new game Killer Instinct.

(Clips of Killer Instinct gameplay begin to play in a montage as the theme song plays in the background.)

Lucas: (Narrating) Yes, Killer Instinct. Perhaps Nintendo's own version of Mortal Kombat with a hint of Street Fighter thrown in for good measure. It was one of Super Nintendo's finest hits and one of the biggest hits for its publisher Rare, who of course was coming off from their smash hit Donkey Kong Country and a couple of years before they struck again with Goldeneye 007 on the Nintendo 64. Yeah, speaking about the 64, this game was originally gonna be on the Nintendo 64, but since Nintendo didn't feel like waiting a long time, it was ported to the Super Nintendo instead. How did that version turn out?

(A clip of Orchid "flashing" Jago is shown.)

Sean: (Narrating) Bad friggin ass!

Guy with Ponytail: It looks like the *bell rings* arcade!

(We cut to the guy with glasses who makes a weird sound before cutting to Glacius uppercutting Cinder on the Desert Rooftop stage)

Ponytail Guy's Friend: *Beep* the arcade, man!

"Hey, hey, hey! Watch what you say about the arcade, man! I swear, you keep cursing like that and somebody's going to have to wash your mouth out with soap." Sean said.

(The commercial cuts to Jago kicking Fulgore)

Guy with Glasses: 16-bits!

(We cut to Glacius hitting TJ Combo)

Guy #1: 16-*horn honking*bits!

(Cut to Spinal fighting Cinder as he hits him)

Guy with Glasses: All I could say is *steam whistle is censoring what he's saying*!

(A clip from The Sopranos is shown)

Tony Soprano (Played by James Gandolfini): Ho! The language on you. You blow your father with that mouth?

Lucas: (Narrating) Yeah, don't you just love how they censor every "foul" world that they say. Now, I know it's not a bad word that they're saying, but it's hilarious just to hear that word getting censored.

Guy #1: Holy *Goofy sound effects censors what he said*!

Guy in Leather Jacket: Same *beeping* graphics…/Guy in Leather Jacket: Same *beeping* moves.

Guy with Ponytail: It looks like the *bell rings* arcade!

Ponytail Guy's Friend: *Beep* the arcade, man!

Lucas: (Narrating) I feel like one of the cast members from The Sopranos would pop up and react to what they're saying.

Ponytail Guy's Friend: *Beep* the arcade, man!

(Cut to another clip from The Sopranos)

Tony Soprano: Ohhh! How could you say that?

Sean: (Narrating) Hell, I got something even better. Can you imagine the edited version of The Sopranos where they censor out the swearing?

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

Sean: (V/O as Announcer) Coming this fall to Star 64, it's America's favorite crime family: The Sopranos. And here's a little taste of what to expect.

(Various clips from The Sopranos is shown)

Tony Soprano: Who's your *whistle blowing* boss, huh? Who's your *whistle blowing* boss?

Ralph Cifaretto (Played by Joe Pantoliano): You think I'm afraid of that fat *the Tom screaming sound effect*?

Meadow Soprano (Played by Jamie-Lynn Siegler): How many *goofy sound effect* times do I have to say it?!

Tony Soprano: Ohhh!

Carmela Soprano (Played by Edie Falco): Hey!

Tony Soprano: Ohh.

Carmela Soprano: Why don't you grow the *horn honks* up?

Tony Soprano: You run from me you *Rooster sound effect*? Where's my *D'oh!* money?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi (Played by Lorraine Bracco): Jesus *goofy sound effect* Christ!

Sean: (V/O) The Sopranos, coming this fall on Star 64. Tune in and watch you *rooster sound effect*. And yes, I know. They showed the edited version of The Sopranos on A years ago. I bet the edited version was hilarious.

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

Announcer: Killer Instinct! Only on Super NES! Complete with Killer Cuts game music CD!

"Because every track in the game is *goofy noises censor a curse word* fire." Lucas said.

(A mother walks in on her son playing Killer Instinct)

Announcer: It's totally…

Mother: What the *horn honks*!

Announcer: …uncensored!

Sean immediately spits out his Mug Root Beer in shock from hearing what the mother said.

"Ho! Language! Now we know where these kids be hearing foul language from. Their mothers! You should be ashamed of yourselves. What kind of example are you setting for your kid?" Sean asked.

Lucas: (Narrating) Killer Instinct. A game so good, it'll make you curse like a *Tom yell from Tom & Jerry plays* sailor.

(The commercial ends with the teen spitting out a bar of soap from out of his mouth and we see the slogan "Play It Loud" on the bar of soap)

Announcer: Someone needs a new system.

(Cut to a clip from The Sopranos)

Christopher Moltisanti (Played by Michael Imperioli): OHH!

(TV static transitions to: The Best of Beavis & Butt-Head commercial from 2004)

(The commercial opens with an outer space background and we see some text flying towards the camera that reads "The Greatest Duos of All Time", "Adam & Eve", "Romeo & Juliet", Suddenly the logo for "Beavis and Butt-Head" and a picture of the duo are shown with the logo)

Announcer: The greatest duos of all time have always come in pairs: Adam & Eve, Romeo & Juliet, Beavis and Butt-Head.

(We then cut to Beavis and Butt-Head doing a guitar riff. Then, the clip is followed by Butt-Head dressed as Santa Claus while whipping Beavis, who is dressed as a reindeer. Next, we see Beavis and Butt-Head looking at a porno magazine and we see a guy taking off his robe in front of Beavis and Butt-Head in Figure Drawing Class and we see the logo "The Best of Beavis and Butt-Head, New On DVD)

Announcer: Now together again for the first time in one awesome collection. The Best of Beavis & Butt-Head!

Sean: (Narrating) Man, talk about a classic commercial. Remember when you can order your favorite shows from Time Life? Well, they've decided to give us an awesome collection of our favorite knuckleheads on VHS and DVD. Don't you just love TV shows on DVD?

Beavis (Voiced by Mike Judge): (Putting his shirt over his head while on a sugar rush) I AM CORNHOLIO! I NEED T.P. FOR MY BUNGHOLE!

(The next scene cuts to Butt-Head throwing a trash can at Beavis, which hits him on the head and knocks him to the ground)

Announcer: Relive the golden moments with the comic masters.

(Cut to Beavis and Butt-Head dressed as Picard and Ryker)

Butt-Head (Also voiced by Mike Judge): Number 1, I order you to go take a number 2.

Beavis: Aye, aye, captain.

(We then cut to another episode where Butt-Head is dressed as David Letterman and launches a pencil at Beavis, stabbing him in the eye. Then, the next scene cuts to Beavis dressed as Caine from Kung Fu)

Beavis: Does not the fire need water, too? Does not the mountain need the storm? Does not your *bleep* need kicking?

(Beavis kicks Master Po in the groin)

Lucas: (Narrating) This commercial brings back memories, even for fans of Beavis and Butt-Head. Hell, you'll be watching something on Cartoon Network or Comedy Central, they'll play this commercial non-stop.

Announcer: Get four complete volumes of The Best of Beavis and Butt-Head on two VHS or two DVDs for only $29.99.

"$29.99 for four complete volumes on either VHS or DVD?" Lucas asked.

"I can get four volumes of Beavis and Butt-Head at a cheaper price on Amazon." Sean said.

"Or you can just get the complete collection for just $24.96 on Amazon." Lucas said.

"Yeah, that too." Sean said.

(Cut to Beavis and Butt-Head sitting in a classroom filled with little kids)

Butt-Head: I'm like angry and numbered.

Beavis: There's like too many of them and stuff.

Announcer: Call with your credit card and you'll also get Beavis and Butt-Head's Holiday Extravaganza, featuring Butt-O-Ween…

Butt-Head: Ween.

(Beavis and Butt-Head start laughing)

Announcer: …and Beavis and Butt-Head Do Christmas absolutely free.

"So, I'll get the Beavis and Butt-Head holiday specials absolutely free with my credit card?" Lucas asked.

"Again, order the DVDs from Amazon." Sean said as he holds up all four volumes of Beavis and Butt-Head on DVD.

Announcer: Your spirits will rise…

Butt-Head: (To the Biker Babe after she sticks something down his pants) I love you./(While him and Beavis are checking out the female hairdresser) Come to Butt-Head.

Announcer: You'll howl till it hurts…

(The dog named Spot bites Beavis on the groin)

Beavis: MY NADS! OW! OW!

(Cut to Butt-Head choking on a chicken nugget while Beavis laughs)

Announcer: You'll be choking back the tears of joy. We guarantee you'll laugh long and hard.

Butt-Head: Long./Hard.

"He said long and hard." Sean laughed like Beavis.

Sean: (Narrating) I just love the fact that the announcer compared these two numbskulls to some of the greatest duos of all time.

Announcer: The greatest duos of all time have always come in pairs: Adam & Eve, Romeo & Juliet…

"Really? Adam & Eve and Romeo & Juliet being the greatest duos of all time. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that one duo was banished from the Garden of Eden because they disobeyed God and another duo who was known for committing suicide. Are there any other duos that you would love to compare them to? I can name a few: Mike Tyson & Robin Givens, Ike & Tina, Sean Penn & Madonna, Joker & Harley Quinn. The list goes on." Lucas said.

Announcer: Or we'll refund your purchase price.

Butt-Head: We have a winner!

Announcer: So call with your credit card to experience their genius again and again.

Butt-Head: I have seen the top of the mountain… and it is good.

Announcer: You'll get 42 incredible episodes on three VHS or DVDs for only $29.99.

Beavis: Yes!

Butt-Head: Cool!

"42 episodes for only $29.99? Like I said, just get the complete series set and included with the set is Beavis and Butt-Head Do America." Sean said. "And you can get it at a cheaper price on Amazon."

Lucas: (Narrating) If you're in need for a good laugh and want to binge-watch your favorite duo, then get up off your lazy ass and go order it from Amazon!

Announcer: So call now.

(TV static transitions to: Maxwell House commercial featuring Paul Lynde circa 1960s)

(The commercial opens with a husband and wife played by comedian Paul Lynde and Alix Elias)

Herb (Played by Paul Lynde): Alice, you missed with the toast. (Holds up a piece of burnt toast, then holds up burned fried egg) You missed with the eggs.

"You ruined my breakfast, Alice. I told you what's going to happen to you when you ruin my breakfast one more time." Sean said, imitating Herb while holding a belt.

Alice (played by Alix Elias): Be a sport, Herbie. *holds a coffee jug* Try the coffee.

Herb: Coffee? *sarcastically* Oh, your coffee is a real treat.

"Well, who knew Uncle Albert from Bewitched was a sarcastic asshole?" Lucas shrugged.

(Clips and pictures of Paul Lynde are shown in a montage while the '70s Hollywood Squares theme plays)

Sean: (Narrating) Yes, before he terrorized poor Peter Marshall on Hollywood Squares, you had flamboyant funny guy Paul Lynde playing a sassy husband in this Maxwell House commercial that aired in the 1960's. Yes, this was the decade where most of people got high on LSD and listened to the Beatles while getting high on LSD. Anyway, in this little commercial, we see Paulie here getting pissed at his wife for ruining his breakfast, but Alice here hopes that coffee will calm him down.

Alice: This time, it's instant Maxwell House coffee. Like your mother makes.

(She tilts the coffee jug a little.)

Herb: *shocked* Alice!

(A stream of hot coffee is shot out of the coffee jug like a geyser.)

Alice: Herbie, you can't miss with instant Maxwell House coffee.

"Damn, that's gotta be one hell of a magic coffee jug." Sean said, feeling shocked.

"Especially when it's filled with hot steaming Maxwell House," Lucas nodded. "You don't see Folgers doing that shit."

"I have to admit, this isn't really fair knowing my coffee jug doesn't turn out magical like Paul Lynde's wife has." Sean pouted, "I learned just that last morning."

(Cutaway gag begins.)

(We see Sean sitting far away from a dinner table while a coffee cup is sitting at the other side of the table. He then tilts his coffee jug to the front.)

Sean: Come on, pour some Maxwell House you sumbitch.

(Sean's girlfriend, Taylor, walks towards him and groaned)

Taylor: Sean, that only works in commercials.

Sean: Taylor, don't bother me. I'm trying to see if this actually pours like a fountain.

Taylor: *rolling his eyes* What an idiot…

(Taylor walks away, leaving Sean tilting the coffee jug to the front.)

(Cutaway gag ends.)

"I hate it when commercials lie to me." Sean said, crossing his arms.

Alice: You're just gonna love it.

(Herb starts drinking his cup of coffee and smiles)

Herb: That's great.

Alice: I knew it.

(Herb takes another sip)

Herb: That's great tasting coffee, Alice.

"It's much better than that Folgers Coffee and even Wilkins Coffee." Lucas said, imitating Herb.

Alice: Then it's alright about the toast?

Herb: Uh-huh.

Alice: And about the eggs?

Herb: Uh-huh. Just pour me another cup of that crazy coffee.

"What the hell is in that coffee? It's making Herb go crazy. Hell, I think we know why he loved that coffee and we saw how that coffee shot out of that coffee jug. I can sum it up with one word: WITCHCRAFT!" Sean yelled out.

(Cut to a shot of the coffee jug shooting out a stream of coffee)

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, there is something in that coffee. I'm pretty sure that Samantha has put a spell on that coffee.

(Cut to a clip from Bewitched as we see Samantha twitching her nose, then we cut back to the commercial to see the stream of hot coffee shooting out of the coffee jug and into Herb's coffee cup)

"Yeah, tell me Samantha did not put a spell on that coffee. That's witchcraft when I see it." Sean said.

(Another stream of coffee shoots out from the coffee jug and into Herb's cup after Alice tilts it)

Alice: You can't miss with instant Maxwell House coffee.

(Cut to Herb drinking some more coffee)

Alice: Right?

Herb: (Smiles) Great tastin' coffee, Alice.

"Okay, I think Uncle Arthur has had enough of Alice's coffee. Somebody take the cup away from him. It's making him all crazy." Lucas said.

Lucas: (Narrating) Maxwell House. It's coffee so good, it'll put a spell on you.

(The commercial ends with a shot of a jar of Maxwell House instant coffee and a coffee cup filled with coffee and the General Foods logo is shown)

Alice: (V/O) It's another fine product of General Foods.

(Another clip from Bewitched is shown featuring Samantha twitching her nose)

(TV static transitions to: Six Flags Dancing Guy commercials)

(We open with a commercial where it takes place in a suburban neighborhood where we see families doing yardwork)

Narrator: There once was a town that works so hard, there was just no time for play. But that all changed on this one particular day.

(We see the Six Flags bus pull up on the driveway as one family stops to see what's going on. The door opens as an old man named Mr. Six steps out of the bus)

"Uh, okay. You have a bus and an old bald man stepping out of the bus. I'm pretty sure that there's nothing creepy about this." Sean said.

(Mr. Six walks and straightens his glasses as stereo speakers pop up from the top of the bus. Suddenly, the song "We Like to Party! (The Vengabus)" by Vengaboys starts playing as Mr. Six starts dancing)

We then cut to Sean and Lucas as they start bobbing their heads to the beat of the music.

"Hey, this guy has some moves." Sean said.

"Yeah, not bad for an old guy." Lucas said.

(A man and his wife turn to each other as Mr. Six continues to dance. Suddenly, a guy stepping down from a ladder starts bobbing his head to the beat of the music and a fat guy starts moving his body to the beat of the music)

"I think this guy was trying to do the Truffle Shuffle to the music." Sean said as a clip from The Goonies plays in the top right corner featuring the character Chunk doing the Truffle Shuffle.

(Mr. Six points to the bus as one guy drops his paint roller down on the ground. We then cut to the Six Flags bus on it's way to Six Flags as we see Mr. Six driving the bus and the families from the neighborhood on the bus raising their hands up in the air)

"What the? Did he just kidnap the families?" Lucas asked.

Lucas: (Narrating) Yeah, tell me that some random bus with an old bald guy that looks like Junior Soprano dressed as Elmer Fudd from A Corny Concerto (A picture of Junior Soprano is shown next to a photo of Elmer Fudd) starts dancing and he takes you on a bus to someplace where he'll end up killing you.

"So, where is that one place where Mr. Six is dragging those families to?" Sean asked.

(We see that Mr. Six and the families arrive at Six Flags and we see them riding on a couple of rides)

"Six Flags! A theme park where you could find your favorite Looney Tunes characters at and Batman. And this was before Six Flags started their little merger with Cedar Fair. Boy, I'm gonna be walking around Kings Island with Taylor and we see Peanuts and Looney Tunes characters roaming around." Sean said.

Announcer: There's a time for work, and there's a time for play.

(We cut to a series of commercials featuring Mr. Six)

Sean: (Narrating) I have to say this, this is one of the most memorable commercials of all time. Not only Mr. Six was funny, him and his commercials were legendary. The one commercial I remember seeing was the one with Liliana Mumy in it. (A picture of Liliana Mumy is shown, followed by a picture of Leni Loud from The Loud House) Who we all know her as the voice of Leni Loud from The Loud House.

(Cut to another Six Flags commercial, this time it's one featuring Liliana Mumy)

Father: So, when's your recital?

Daughter (Played by Liliana Mumy): Sunday.

Father: Yeah, Sunday's no good for me. How's Saturday?

Daughter: Soccer. Friday?

Father: Detroit. Thursday?

Daughter: Fencing. Wednesday?

Father: Tai Chi. Tuesday?

Daughter: Karate.

(The Six Flags bus stop in front of their house as Mr. Six steps out and starts dancing as the father and daughter watch him while the music starts playing. The father and daughter look at each other for a bit while Mr. Six continues to dance)

Daughter: I think I can move some things.

Father: Me too.

(They close their digital planners and head towards the bus as we cut to the three of them at Six Flags)

"Hey, don't forget to take Tanya with you. I'm pretty sure she would love to go on Batman: The Ride and Apocalypse." Lucas said.

Lucas: (Narrating) You wanna know something? Seeing those commercials, you might think it's an actual old guy playing Mr. Six. Actually, Mr. Six was played by choreographer Danny Teeson. Which would explain why he's got the moves like Jagger. I mean, don't you just wish that you have an old man dancing in front of a bus to invite you to Six Flags?

Sean: (Narrating) This is genus marketing right there. This actually want me to go to Six Flags. And because of Cedar Fair and Six Flags' merger, they need to bring back Mr. Six. I don't care if I have to fly down to New York and go to Warner Bros. Discover and kick David Zaslav square in the nuts, just bring back Mr. Six.

"Even if you have Looney Tunes characters and Peanuts characters in the same amusement park, it would be pretty awesome." Sean said.

(The commercial ends with a shot of everyone dancing and we see the words "Six Flags. It's play time!" shown on screen)

Announcer: Six Flags. It's playtime!

(TV static transitions to: McDonald's McNuggets 20 Pack Holiday Party commercial circa 1984)

(The commercial opens with a shot of a box of 20-piece Chicken McNuggets. The top of the box opens up and we see a group of McNugget puppets dressed all festive for New Year's Eve and they start cheering)

"What the shitcock is this?!" Sean asked with a shocked look on his face.

Sean: (Narrating) Is this what it's like when I open up a box of 20-piece Chicken McNuggets and I see these little nightmares talking before I eat them?

McNugget Buddy with Party Hat: Hope we're going to a New Year's Eve party.

McNugget Buddy with Hat and Glasses: (Clears his throat) I prefer an office party.

McNugget Girl: I wanna go to a school Christmas party!

"Yeah, the only party that you're gonna be having is in my mouth with a side of barbecue sauce and sweet and sour sauce." Lucas said.

"I'll take mine with barbecue sauce." Sean said.

Lucas: (Narrating) These little terrors that will probably give people nightmares are known as the McNugget Buddies. And yes, they have the McNugget Buddy Happy Meal Toys back then until the Adult Happy Meal brought them back. So, what is McDonald's shelling out this time? Is it Jason Alexander singing about the McDLT? Brian Cox narrating for a commercial? The return of the Arch Deluxe and the Superhero Burger? None of those! In fact, they're shelling out 20-piece McNuggets.

Narrator: McDonald's Chicken McNuggets 20-pack. The life of any holiday party.

(We cut to a McNugget Buddy dancing with a lampshade over it's head. Then, we cut to a female McNugget wearing a crown and a necklace talking to another McNugget Buddy with a wig and a beard)

Female McNugget: How do I look?

McNugget With Beard: Delicious! Golden brown is your color.

"I have to agree with you. She does look delicious. Golden brown and crispy. Dip her in some barbecue sauce and she's good to go." Lucas said.

McNugget Buddy with Earmuffs and Scarf: Whoopee! Let's go to a sleigh ride party!

"Did that McNugget Buddy just say he wants to go to a sleigh ride party?" Sean asked.

McNugget Buddy with Earmuffs and Scarf: Let's go to a sleigh ride party!

"Yeah, I didn't know that McNuggets were capable of riding sleighs since they don't have any arms or legs." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Don't you just love that the announcer says that the Chicken McNuggets 20-pack is the life of any holiday party?

Narrator: McDonald's Chicken McNuggets 20-pack. The life of any holiday party.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, I'm sure it is the life of any holiday party. I can imagine people at a holiday party fighting over a 20-pack Chicken McNuggets meal. You don't see anyone fighting over a 4-piece or a 9-piece. But a 20-piece Chicken McNuggets? Yeah, I can see that happening. But what if it's a 40-piece Chicken McNuggets meal? Then it would be a total bloodbath. Also, doesn't anyone find it weird that a bunch of McNuggets with googly eyes are talking? Can you imagine coming home from McDonald's and you get ready to take a bite out of one?

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

(The cutaway gag begins as we see Sean sitting at his desk in his office with a 20-piece box of Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's while he is busy working on a Tate/Holly one-shot for Days of Our Lives)

Sean: (While typing on his laptop) Tate began to kiss Holly on her neck. She began to moan softly from his lips hitting her soft, delicate skin…

(Sean opens the box of Chicken McNuggets as the McNugget Buddies start cheering)

Lucas: (V/O as McNugget Buddy #1) Hey, look! We're in someone's home.

Brian: (V/O as McNugget Buddy #2) It's a great place to party.

Oliver: (V/O as McNugget Buddy #3): Who's this guy? He doesn't look like a McNugget.

Lucas/McNugget Buddy #1: He looks like some sort of a strange creature.

(Sean looks over at the box of McNuggets and makes a look on his face after he hears them talking)

Sean: What the hell? Taylor!

Taylor: (Off-screen) What?

Sean: Babe, I think the McNuggets that I bought from McDonalds are starting to talk.

Taylor: (Off-screen) Oh, God. Sean, it's just your imagination. McNuggets can't talk.

Sean: But I heard them talking.

(Taylor enters the office and walks over to Sean's desk)

Taylor: McNuggets can't talk. They don't have mouths and they don't have googly eyes. See? Watch.

(Taylor grabs a McNugget and eats it. The McNugget Buddy screams in agony while being eaten by Taylor)

Brian/McNugget Buddy #2: Philip! Oh, God! She killed Philip!

Oliver/McNugget Buddy #3: I can't believe that you did that, you bitch!

(Taylor's eyes widened in shock as she looked down at the McNuggets before grabbing the trash can and spitting it out)

Sean: Told ya.

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

(The 9-pack McNugget box opens up next to the 20-pack McNugget box. The 9-pack McNuggets have a bunch of McNuggets trying to sleep)

McNugget Buddy with Curlers: Parties, parties! That's all you 20-packs ever think of!

"Well, no need to be a bitch, lady! They're just trying to have some fun and you're trying to kill their fun." Lucas said.

"Hey, we have that one neighbor that complains a lot. Believe me, I know." Sean said.

Lucas: (Narrating) What can we say? It's a classic hilarious commercial that'll make you want to buy a 20-pack for every party. Just make sure that they're not talking.

(The commercial ends with the McNugget Buddies singing the slogan as it appears on screen next to the McDonald's logo that reads "It's a Good Time For the Great Taste")

McNugget Buddies: (Singing) It's a good time for the great taste….

(The 9-pack McNugget box opens up next to the 20-pack McNugget box)

McNugget Buddy with Curlers: Parties, parties! That's all you 20-packs ever think of!

(A McNugget Buddy blows its trumpet at her)

McNugget Buddies: (Singing) …of McDonald's!

(Before the commercial ends, we cut to a shot of McDonald's gift certificates)

Narrator: Time for McDonald's gift certificates. A $1.00 each for a book of five for $5.00.

Lucas/McNugget Buddy #1: (V/O) YOU PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS!

(TV static transitions to: Elastic Mickey Mouse and Elastic Donald Duck commercial from 1980)

(The commercial opens with a shot of Elastic Mickey Mouse peeking around the corner, followed by a shot of Elastic Donald Duck)

Announcer: Elastic Mickey Mouse and Elastic Donald Duck.

"Okay, is it just me or does this commercial look like it seems a little brutal?" Sean asked.

Announcer: (Sings) Oh, what a funny pair.

(The next scene cuts to a boy and a girl stretching out Mickey and Donald's arms)

Announcer: (Sings)Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, they stretch from here to there.

"HOLY SHIT!" Sean reacts in shock.

Announcer: (Sings) Oh, what luck you can stretch Donald Duck and with Mickey do the same.

(The boy and the girl are both stretching Donald's arms and legs and we then see Mickey's arms being stretched as well)

"SWEET JESUS!" Lucas exclaimed in shock.

(Mickey's arms are being stretched out while being spun around, then his arms and legs are stretched out to the point where his shorts drop down to his ankles)

Announcer: (Sings) M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!

"GODDAMN!" Sean yelled out.

(We then cut to the little boy laughing, then we cut to the Elastic Mickey and Elastic Donald toys)

Announcer: Elastic Mickey Mouse and Elastic Donald Duck. Each sold separately. By Mego.

"Yeah, Mego. Where you can torture the shit out of your favorite childhood characters." Lucas said.

Sean: (Narrating) I mean, Jesus Christ! What were they thinking?! This is a commercial showing these sadistic children torturing Mickey and Donald. I mean, I could just hear their screams.

(Cut to Elastic Mickey and Elastic Donald getting stretched out by children while we hear Sean and Lucas doing the voiceovers for Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck screaming)

Sean: (V/O as Mickey Mouse) OH, GOD! PLEASE, NO MORE! (Screams while being stretched out)

Lucas: (V/O as Donald Duck) (While his arms and legs are being stretched, he screams) THE PAIN! OH, GOD! THE PAIN!

Sean: (V/O as Mickey Mouse) (His arms and legs are being stretched out while his shorts drop to his ankles) AAAAAHHHH! MY PENIS! MY PENIS!

(Cut to the little boy laughing while Joker's laugh from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm plays in the background)

"Boy, you kids back in the '80s are a bunch of sick fucks. Can we move on to the next commercial that doesn't deal with torturing beloved cartoon characters?" Sean asked.

"Sure," Lucas nodded before grabbing his remote control, "Just let me grab this thing and we'll…"

Before Lucas could say that last word however, he was soon cut off by the sound of a low synth note before five words were spoken out off-screen…

"I am a reaaaaaal American…"

"Oh no…" Sean gulped in horror, "Not him!"

"Not him?" Lucas raised his eyebrow before realizing what those five simple words sounded like, "You don't mean…?"

Sean then shouted hanging onto the door, "No time to explain, just hold down the goddang door!"

Within no time to explain, both Lucas and Sean held down the living room door for as tight as they could. But once the words "Fight for what's right, fight for your life" were sung offscreen…

BOOM!*

The living-room door was blown wide open, sending both Lucas and Sean flying all around. It was then soon followed by a wrecking ball flying into the room, which had Brian, who was dressed like Hulk Hogan, riding on top of that said wrecking ball.

After doing the Hulkster's signature cupped-ear pose, Brian/Hulk shouted out, "What's going on, maniacs?!"

"Damn it, Hulkster, look what you did to the living room!" Sean cried out angrily.

"No apologies given, brother!" Brian/Hulk said smiling at Sean, "I heard you and Lucas were doing another commercials special and I figured I'd come by in and give you another commercial starring me, dude!"

Lucas started rubbing his forehead in pain before saying to Hulk, "Do you really have to?"

"Who's making all the rules, man? The Hulkster, that's what!" Brian/Hulk said as he sat at the center of the couch and grabbed the remote, "Now let's see what the Hulkster's got in store for you, brother?"

(TV static transitions to: LoanMart "Mailbox" commercial featuring Hulk Hogan circa 2010s)

(The commercial opens with a dark haired brunette walking towards a white mailbox, who is seen talking to her.)

White Mailbox: Hey, wait. Don't just walk by again! Those bills are piling up in here!

Woman: I can't deal with this right now.

"Yeah, that's how I feel when I get the gas and electric bill and the water bill." Sean said.

"You gotta cut back on having sex in the tub with Taylor, brother!" Brian/Hulk said. "Let me tell you about the time…"

"Don't! Just don't. Can we just watch the commercial, please?" Sean asked.

(The next scene transitions to night time and we see a caption that reads "Later That Night", as the woman returns home and the white mailbox starts talking to her)

White Mailbox: Wait! You can't keep ignoring us!

Woman: Fine.

(The woman opens the mailbox and we see five men in glasses wearing a shirt that says "Bill". They're representing the bills)

Bill #1: You're late on your credit card payment.

(The other bills start talking all at once)

"Okay, has anyone ever seen the movie Scanners? These annoying bills are gonna make my head explode! Is somebody gonna do something about it?" Lucas asked.

"Well, I know who, brother!" Brian/Hulk shouted.

(Hulk Hogan appears out of nowhere wearing a Loanmart shirt and smashes a mailbox with a steel chair, sending the "Bills" flying.)

Hulk Hogan: *to Woman* Don't let those little bills add up sister! Call Loan Mart today and get cash today with an auto title loan!

"You see that, man?" Brian/Hulk said, smirking to Sean as he was grabbing his shoulder. "That's me in one of the Loan Mart commercials I starred in, dude! It was one of my greatest performances, brother! Even won an Emmy for that one, jack."

"Uh, Hulkster," Lucas said, cutting in the Hulkster's business, "You didn't win an Emmy for anything."

Brian/Hulk suddenly turned to Lucas saying, "What are you talking about, brother? I totally won an Emmy down at Japan. Believe it or not, dude, I won an award for my performance on Thunder In Paradise, brother! You remember Thunder In Paradise starring me and Jack Lemmon's son?"

"Nobody remembers Thunder In Paradise, idiot!" Sean cried out to Hulk angrily, "It only lasted one fucking season!"

Brian/Hulk turned his attention to Sean shouting, "It at least had a video game on the CD-i, dude!"

"Can you actually play as yourself?" Lucas said to the Hulkster.

Brian/Hulk suddenly started to feel nervous around his legs, even being so nervous to form a big gulp around his throat.

So just to hide his state of nervousness, Brian/Hulk uttered out, "Of course you can, dude. I totally made that game sell millions, brother."

"Bullshit, you can only play as JT Lambert from Step By Step in that game!" Sean smirked evilly, "Therefore you can't play as yourself."

"I would have if those jabroni game developers turned my game into a shooter, man." Brian/Hulk said to Sean, "Who the hell wants to play an FMV where you can't play as yours truly, dude?!"

(Cutaway gag begins.)

(We see Oliver, who is dressed up as Bret "Hitman" Hart, playing Thunder In Paradise for the Philips CD-i.)

Oliver/Bret Hart: This is bullshit!

(Oliver/Bret Hart then chucks the CD-i controller at the TV, breaking it in pieces.)

Oliver/Bret Hart: This game screws me, everybody screws me, and nobody does a goddamn thing about it! Now where's my keys so I can get my money back from the Super Nintendo I sold for this crap?

(Cutaway gag ends.)

"Huh, guess I stand corrected, brother." Brian/Hulk nodded.

(Hulk Hogan then hands the cash over to the woman.)

Hulk Hogan: You can use the value in your paid off car for fast cash today.

"Spoiler alert, brother. She used that cash to turn into millions down at that Trump Hotel and Casino down at Atlantic City," Hulk said to Sean, "That's where WrestleMania IV and V was held, man."

"Would that explain why you keep kissing Trump's ass lately?" Lucas raised an eyebrow.

"The Hulkster doesn't know what you're talking about, dude." Brian/Hulk shrugged at Lucas.

Sean then pointed to the camera as he said to Brian/Hulk, "Does THIS ring a bell?!"

(A clip of Hulk Hogan at the 2024 Republican National Convention plays.)

Hulk Hogan: (While he rips off his shirt, revealing another shirt that reads "Trump/Vance") LET TRUMP-A-MANIA RUN WILD, BROTHER! LET TRUMP-A-MANIA RULE AGAIN! LET TRUMP-A-MANIA MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Brian/Hulk somehow becomes shocked seeing this, which forces Sean and Lucas to shoot death glares right at the dysfunctional WWE Hall-of-Famer.

The mustachioed legend looked at both of them and uttered out, "I'm telling you dude, that wasn't me, brother. That was my evil clone, brother. The Hulkster's not making this up, man."

"You make up shit all the time, Hulkster," Lucas shrugged at the legend, "Remember the time you told everybody you tried out for the bassist job for Metallica AND The Rolling Stones?"

"Or how about the time you claimed Elvis watched you wrestle in Memphis back in 1979?" Sean raised his eyebrow at Brian/Hulk, "The fact is, nobody would believe that because Elvis would have been dead two years before '79, brother."

"He's alive, I tell you, dude!" Brian/Hulk shouted to Sean, all while breaking down in tears, "You two are so hurtful, brothers!"

Knowing that his feelings have been hurt, Brian/Hulk started crying like a stupid son of a bitch as he got off the couch and left the house. The two immediately watched him leave and turned to each other with a sick smile on his face.

"It's so much fun exposing him." Lucas replied.

"Hell yeah." Sean nodded, toasting Lucas with a Bud Light.

Sean: (Narrating): The Loanmart commercial. Where you see Hulk Hogan taking his rage on a mailbox. I have no words.

Narrator: 1-800 LOANMART!

(Hulk Hogan then ends up kicking a "bill" away with his shoe.)

(TV static transitions to: My Friend Rodney PSA from 1998)

(The commercial opens with a headshot of actor Rodney Harvey)

Narrator: This is my friend Rodney.

"Hi, Rodney!" Sean and Lucas both said as they waved to the camera.

(We cut to a mugshot of Rodney Harvey. Only instead of him looking normal, we see that he's on heroin)

Narrator: This is my friend Rodney on heroin.

"Yikes." Sean said.

"Boy, that's gonna mess up his career." Lucas said.

(We switch back to Rodney's headshot)

Narrator: This is Rodney.

(The picture then switches to another mugshot of Rodney on heroin)

Narrator: On heroin.

"See, this is what happens to people after Fox canceled The Outsiders." Sean said.

(The pictures switches back to Rodney's headshot followed by another mugshot of him on heroin)

Narrator: Rodney. On heroin. (As it switches back and forth from Rodney's headshot to a picture of him high on heroin) Rodney. On heroin.

"Yeah. That heroin isn't doing any wonders to his body. He's losing his good looks." Lucas said.

Narrator: Rodney… on heroin. Rodney…. (The picture then switches to a picture of an unconscious Rodney on heroin) That was my friend, Rodney.

"Jesus Christ!" Sean exclaimed.

"They went as far as to show his dead body on the PSA. All I could say is… yikes!" Lucas exclaimed.

Sean: (Narrating) Okay, all jokes aside. If you don't know who Rodney Harvey is, he was an up and coming actor who played the role of Sodapop Curtis in the TV adaptation of The Outsiders. Which is funny because he looks a bit like Tom Cruise and he should've played his character from the movie. After the show ended for one season on Fox, Harvey also starred in the Gus Van Sant film My Own Private Idaho. During the making of the film, Harvey began using heroin, which he ended up having several stints in jail and many attempts to get clean and sober. Sadly, Harvey died from a cocaine and heroin overdose on April 11th, 1998 at age 30. After his death, photos of him chronicled his addiction to heroin in this PSA.

"Okay, I'm starting to get depressed now after talking about this. Can we move on to something cheery, please?" Sean asked.

(TV static transitions to: Talking Ed Grimley doll commercial circa 1989)

(The commercial opens playing a clip of the intro to The Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley.)

Narrator: Are you ready to go completely mental?

(We see two kids being dressed up as Ed Grimley.)

Narrator: It's the Ed Grimley talking doll!

Ed Grimley Kids: This is a surprise, I must say.

Talking Ed Grimley Doll: I'm as doomed as doomed can be, though…

"You're telling us," Sean nodded, "We had to sit through watching a picture of a dead body on heroin."

(Clips of Saturday Night Live and SCTV play in a montage, featuring Martin Short as Ed Grimley. The theme to The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley also plays on the background.)

Lucas: (Narrating) Yes, believe it or not, we got a commercial featuring this little triangle-playing lugnut, Ed Grimley. For those who aren't familiar with him, he was a character that was portrayed by the one and only Martin Short. What can we say? He has a fish named Moby. His hair is like Alfalfa from The Little Rascals. He plays a triangle. And he hitches up his pants just like Steve Urkel does. Wow, no wonder that Steve Urkel character was inspired by him. It's all because of those pants!

Sean: (Narrating) The character was such in high demand that Martin Short was the first cast member of SCTV to switch over to Saturday Night Live where you guessed it, he portrayed Ed Grimley. That's right, Ed Grimley was on both SCTV AND Saturday Night Live. That's one hell of a trade.

(Clips of The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley then begin to play in a montage next.)

Lucas: And believe it or not, his success even got him his own cartoon called The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley, which aired on NBC in the year I was born, 1988. I didn't even know about this show until it started airing reruns on Cartoon Network back in the mid-'90s. Sadly, it was canceled over 13 episodes and it clearly didn't deserve to be, because for what it was, I was simply one of the few people to enjoy it. And what happens when you have your own cartoon? It's simple. You get your own talking doll!

"Boy, I wondered if the parents who put their kids in this commercial let their kids have a haircut like that?" Sean asked himself.

Narrator: Now you can take Ed everywhere!

(The camera scrolls to the parents, who are also dressed up like Ed Grimley as well.)

"Oh my god, they're doing it too!" Sean shrieked out.

Talking Ed Grimley Doll: This is like my luckiest of lucky days!

"Oh, Christ! It's a whole family of Ed Grimleys!" Sean yelled out.

(The Ed Grimley Girl pulls his string)

Narrator: Pull his string and he says six completely mental things.

Ed Grimley Girl: Oh, is this not like the best vacation or what.

Talking Ed Grimley Doll: Oh, give me a break!

"The narrator wasn't joking when he said that you can take him anywhere. You can take Ed Grimley with you to the beach. Hell, you can take him to the strip club as well." Lucas said.

"You know, when I tried to take my talking Buzz Lightyear action figure to the strip club with me, the bouncer just kicked me out." Sean said.

(Cut to the Ed Grimley Boy getting ready to go to bed with his Ed Grimley doll)

Ed Grimley Boy: Bedtime already. Who knew?

Talking Ed Grimley Doll: I'm going completely mental, I must say.

"Just wait until Christmas. Both you and Ed Grimley are gonna have a hard time sleeping because you couldn't wait until Christmas." Lucas said as he refers to the SCTV sketch called The Fella Who Couldn't Wait For Christmas.

Sean: (Narrating) Don't you just love how they have a character from SCTV as a talking doll. Don't you wish there were other talking dolls based on other SCTV characters? (Characters like Johnny LaRue, Guy Caballero, Officer Friendly, Count Floyd, Alex Trebel and Bob & Doug McKenzie are shown) Where's one for Johnny LaRue or Guy Caballero? Hell, where's the Bob & Doug McKenzie talking dolls? I would love to hear them talk about beer.

"In fact, I would love to have a talking doll of my own, and children would love it." Sean said.

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

(We open with Lucas and Taylor playing as children sitting in the kitchen, looking bored out of their minds)

Brian: (V/O as Narrator) Hey, kids!

(Lucas and Taylor both turn their attention to the camera)

Brian/Narrator: (V/O) Aren't you tired of playing with the same old toy?

Lucas and Taylor: Yeah.

Brian/Narrator: (V/O) Well, we have a new toy for you to play.

(A doll resembling Sean suddenly appears on the table)

Brian/Narrator: (V/O) Are you ready to cause some mayhem? It's the Mayhem Critic talking doll! Pull on his string and he'll start talking.

(Taylor pulls the string on the back of the doll)

Talking Mayhem Critic Doll: This movie fucking sucks!

(Suddenly, Lucas and Taylor are both dressed as Sean the Mayhem Critic)

Lucas/Kid #1: This movie sucks balls, I must say.

Talking Mayhem Critic Doll: I'd rather let a buffalo shit all over than watch this movie.

Brian/Narrator: (V/O) You can take him anywhere. You can even watch a movie with him.

(Taylor is sitting on the couch with the talking Mayhem Critic doll)

Taylor/Kid #2: This movie is one big pile of shit.

Talking Mayhem Critic Doll: Lick my left ballsack, movie!

(Cut to Lucas watching Batman & Robin with the talking Mayhem Critic doll)

Lucas/Kid #1: A BAT-CREDIT CARD?!

(The talking Mayhem Critic doll screams in rage)

Brian/Narrator: (V/O) He's also a hit with the parents as well.

(We see Dave playing the father as we see him sitting by the kitchen island while reading the newspaper as Lucas and Taylor enter the kitchen)

Taylor/Kid #2: Dad! Dad! Listen to what the Mayhem Critic says.

(She pulls on the string)

Talking Mayhem Critic Doll: Talk about a kick in the nuts to our childhood.

(Dave spits out his coffee)

Dave/Father: What did he just say?

Taylor/Kid #2: Oh, come on, Dad. You know that some of the movies you watch are pure shit.

Dave/Father: Where did you hear that word from?

Taylor/Kid #2: The Mayhem Critic.

Talking Mayhem Critic Doll: I'm a bad example for children.

Taylor/Kid #2: I love you, Mayhem Critic!

(The talking Mayhem Critic doll is shown)

Brian/Narrator: You're gonna love the talking Mayhem Critic doll. Just don't let him talk around parents. Talking Mayhem Critic. He's more than a talking doll, he's the critic that rips movies a new one.

Talking Mayhem Critic Doll: SUCK IT, MOVIE!

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

Lucas: (Narrating) What can we say about the talking Ed Grimley doll? We'll go completely mental over him, although not literally.

(The commercial ends with the shot of the talking Ed Grimley doll)

Narrator: Talking Ed Grimley. He's more than a talking doll, he's Ed Grimley.

(TV static transitions to: Boston Globe commercial featuring Jeff Bergman from 1987)

(The commercial opens with a man, played by voice actor Jeff Bergman, sitting at the breakfast table in the kitchen)

Man (Played by Jeff Bergman): Here's a terrific offer from the Boston Globe. Subscribe now and get 13 weeks of the Globe for only a $1.50 a week.

Sean: (Narrating) Here's a classic commercial from 1987 advertising the Boston Globe and you have this guy telling us an amazing offer.

Man: Subscribe now and get 13 weeks of the Globe for only a $1.50 a week.

(We cut to another man, also played by Jeff Bergman, who's dressed like Woody Allen)

Woody Allen (Also played by Jeff Bergman): Oh, that's great news for a social flop like me. And now at parties I can talk about politics, entertainment, what's on sale and whatever.

"Oh, good. That gives me a reason to get away from your nerdy ass so you won't bore me to death." Sean said.

Lucas: (Narrating) This commercial is one of the earlier roles of voice actor Jeff Bergman, who would go on to voice Bugs Bunny and other Looney Tunes characters after Mel Blanc's passing. And he shows off his comedic chops and his great voice acting. Just check out some of the other characters that he plays.

Man: You get the Globe seven days a week, delivered to your door for a $1.25 off the regular home delivery price.

(We then see another man appear next to the man. This time, it's Rod Serling, also played by Bergman, as the lights in the room dim a little a la Twilight Zone and Twilight Zone-style music plays in the background)

Rod Serling (Also played by Bergman): That's like getting Monday through Friday free. It's a whole new dimension in savings.

"You're about to enter a dimension, where a guy imitates various characters. A dimension where a guy can play a rabbit, a duck and various other characters. Plus, we can throw in a Rod Serling impersonation as well when you subscribe to the Boston Globe." Lucas said as he imitates Rod Serling.

Suddenly, Taylor enters the living room, only to see that the room is dimly lit and the whole scene is in black and white.

"What is happening here?" Taylor asked.

"Nothing, babe. We're doing a Twilight Zone parody." Sean said.

"Oh. Well, can you two morons explain the big ass hole in our front door. And what the hell happened to our door?" Taylor asked.

"Hulk Hogan." Lucas said as Taylor sighed a bit.

"Why do you two put up with this nutjob?" Taylor asked.

"It's not easy." Sean said.

Man: Thirteen free Mondays with Sci-Tech. Thirteen free Tuesdays with Business Extra.

(We cut to Julia Child, also played by Bergman)

Julia Child (Also played by Bergman): Thirteen free Wednesday food sections with lovely coupons.

Sean started to chuckle a bit from seeing Jeff Bergman dressed as a woman.

"I'm sorry. Did we just witness what it would be like if Jeff Bergman played Mrs. Doubtfire instead of Robin Williams?" Sean asked.

(Cut back to the commercial)

Julia Child: (Her voice replaced by Mrs. Doubtfire's voice) Helloooo!

"You know, I would still watch the movie if Jeff Bergman played Mrs. Doubtfire. It would be ten times awesome." Sean said.

"But then again, Robin Williams was perfect for the role." Lucas said.

"Agreed." Sean said.

Man: Thirteen free Thursday calendars and thirteen free Fridays At Home.

(We cut to Johnny Most, played by Bergman, holding the Sports Plus page)

Johnny Most (Also played by Bergman): Alright, don't fiddle diddle. Take a shot at Sports Plus.

Man: And Sports Plus on Friday too, all free. So, call today.

"So, we can get all these for free when we subscribe to the Boston Globe? Also, who reads the Boston Globe every morning? I'm pretty sure that people read the Boston Globe every morning." Sean said. "But then again, I did do a commercial for the Cincinnati Enquirer." Sean said.

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

(It opens with Sean, sitting in the kitchen while wearing a suit and a tie while eating a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats cereal)

Sean: Hey, guys. Sean J. Archer from The Mayhem Critic here. And I've got a terrific offer to share with you. When you subscribe to the Cincinnati Enquirer, you'll get 13 week of the Enquirer for only a $1.50 a week.

(We then see Sean playing as Steve Urkel)

Steve Urkel (Played by Sean): Wow, that's great news. I can talk to Laura about the news and I can talk to Carl about politics, entertainment, what's on sale and much more.

Sean: You get the Cincinnati Enquirer seven days a week, delivered right to your door for a $1.25 off the regular home delivery price.

(Cut to Sean playing as Samuel L. Jackson. He is dressed as his character Jules from Pulp Fiction)

Samuel L. Jackson (Also played by Sean): It's like getting Monday through Friday for free. That's a good motherfucking choice, motherfucker.

Lucas: (V/O as Brett) What?

(Sean/Samuel L. Jackson gets angry and pulls out his Desert Eagle pistol)

Samuel L. Jackson: (Yells) SAY WHAT AGAIN! SAY WHAT AGAIN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! SAY WHAT ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!

Sean: Yikes. Anyway, you get thirteen free Mondays with Local News. Thirteen free Tuesdays with Arts & Entertainment.

(We then cut to Sean, this time he's playing Rick James while the song "Superfreak" plays in the background)

Rick James (Also played by Sean): With Arts & Entertainment, you get to see when I come to town to perform for you. You and me, we're gonna party. 'Cause I'm Rick James, bitch.

Sean: You'll also get thirteen free Wednesdays with Food and thirteen free Thursdays with Sports Wrap.

(We then cut to Sean, this time he's playing as O.J. Simpson)

O.J. Simpson: Thirteen free Thursdays with Sports Wrap. A deal so good, it makes you want to murder your wife. (Picks up a knife after putting on some black leather gloves)

Sean: And thirteen free Fridays with Comics Daily, all for free. So make sure you pick up the phone and call.

(We then see the last character Sean plays and this time it's The Joker and he does his Mark Hamill impersonation)

The Joker (Also played by Sean): Make sure you call. It will leave a nice big smile on your face. (Laughs)

(Cut to a shot of the Cincinnati Enquirer)

The Joker: (V/O after he stops laughing) Has anyone seen my socks? Harley!

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

Sean: (Narrating) What can I say? It's the Boston Globe and Jeff Bergman. A perfect combination.

Man: So call today. 1-800-543-1500. 'Cause without the Globe…

(He hands the phone over to Don Adams, also played by Bergman)

Don Adams (Also played by Bergman): …life would be chaos. (On the phone) Hello, Globe? Home delivery. I'd like to order the Globe. Home delivered. Seven days a week, Maybe two Globes.

(The commercial ends with a shot of the Boston Globe, followed by a clip of the Looney Tunes short Box-Office Bunny is shown)

Bugs Bunny (Voiced by Jeff Bergman): What's up, Doc?

(TV static transitions to: Hoover Vacuum commercial featuring Brian Johnson from AC/DC circa 1980)

(The commercial opens with a woman standing in a tunnel that's flashing lights)

Singer: (singing) The new hot-powered compact from Hoover. It's a beautiful mover…

"Oh, man. Now talk about an awesome commercial." Sean said.

"Hell yeah," Lucas nodded, "Even the dude singing this got one hell of a voice. Shatters like thunder."

Lucas: (Narrating) You want to know how make a commercial more kickass in the early '80s? When you have hot chicks dancing and showing off a sweet-ass Compact Hoover vacuum. And I gotta say, that's one hell of a sexy design.

"Trust us, it's the Lia Lovely of Hoover vacuums," Sean nodded. "They definitely last very long."

Singer: The new Compactor's more the beat. It also cleans. It also sweeps…

(The compact vacuum starts brushing the carpet.)

Singer: …and brushes right to the edge.

(Three beautiful ladies dressed in white appear to show off the high-powered Compact.)

Singer: Right to the edge!

"Frickin' sweet!" Sean smirked, rubbing his hands with anticipation.

"What else can this hot sexy piece of ass also do?" Lucas shrugged.

"Are you talkin' about the ladies or the vacuum?" Sean asked.

Lucas looked at Sean and shrugged while smirking, "Who cares, it can be both if we want! Best of both worlds!"

(One of the women changes the vacuum bag.)

Singer: Changing the bag is easy as ABCCCCCCCCCCC!

"Fuck yeah, now that's hot." Lucas said, pointing to the TV. "I swear, commercials like those need to play rock more often!"

Sean: (Narrating) If this commercial doesn't blow your mind, here's a surprising factoid for you. The person singing this is named Brian Johnson. Who is he, you ask? If you're thankful enough to know your rock history, he's the lead singer of this band.

(A clip of AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" plays.)

Song: You… shook me alllllll night looooooong…

Sean and Lucas are immediately shown headbanging to the song, while throwing up the devil horns in the air.

Lucas: (Narrating) That's right, he's the lead singer of AC/DC. And by the time this commercial was aired in 1980, he would've joined AC/DC right after the original lead singer Bon Scott died earlier that year. With Brian Johnson in the band, AC/DC gave us some of the most kickass hits that continued the band's staying power for a long time. "You Shook Me All Night Long", "Hell's Bells", "For Those About To Rock We Salute You", "Who Made Who", "Thunderstruck", "Moneytalks", all that kind of awesome shit.

"But of course," Sean paused for a bit before holding up an vinyl CD of AC/DC's Back In Black. "We can't forget the epic masterpiece that simply is…"

"AC/DC's Back In Black!" Sean and Lucas proudly exclaimed.

"And not to mention the kickass title track." Lucas winked.

Sean: (exclaimed) Can you honestly imagine Brian Johnson getting hired by the band just by watching this commercial? Imagine how that would have went.

(Cutaway gag begins.)

(We see Sean, dressed up as Angus Young from AC/DC, watching television from a hotel room.)

Sean/Angus Young: Ugh, these shows bloody suck. Nothing but Happy Days reruns. Gotta remind myself to get a new lead singer soon.

(The Hoover Compact commercial plays off-screen.)

Singer: (singing) The new hot-powered Compact from Hoover. It's a beautiful mover…

Sean/Angus Young: *gasping* Oh my bloody God, I found it!

(Sean/Angus reaches over for the phone and dials it quickly. The phone rings and a caller immediately picks it up.)

Sean/Angus Young: Hey Mal, you seeing this? We just found our new lead singer, mate! Yeah, the vacuum guy! Call him and let him know he's hired. And I want those vacuums too! Yes, I'm talking about the chicks as well!

(Cutaway gag ends.)

Lucas: (Narrating) What can we say? It's Brian Johnson and Hoover: the perfect combination.

Singer: (Singing) The new hot-powered Compact from Hoover. It's a beautiful mover!

(The commercial ends with a shot of the Compact vacuum and the caption "The new high power Compact." with the Hoover logo shown)

(TV static transitions to: The Nightman promos from 1992)

(The first promo features footage from the movie The Nightman as we see Eve, played by Joanna Kerns, making out with Tom Wolffe, played by Ted Marcoux. Then, we see Tom making out with Maggie, played by Jenny Robertson, and we see Tom smoking a cigarette while he's shirtless)

Announcer: One mother, one daughter, one lover to satisfy them both.

"It's the ultimate Brazzers threesome fantasy ever! In fact, my Brazzers fantasy involves a threesome involves Reagan Foxx and Taylor." Sean said.

"If we're gonna be talkin' about Brazzers threesome fantasies, mine would have to involve a threesome with Nicolette Shea and Melissa Stratton. Now, that's the ultimate threesome fantasy." Lucas said.

"Hell, yeah!" Sean cheered as he high-fived Lucas.

Sean: (Narrating) Okay, we've got to talk about this promo. Back in 1992, NBC aired the made for TV erotic thriller called The Nightman, which stars Joanna Kerns from Growing Pains, Jenny Robertson and Ted Marcoux.

Lucas: (Narrating) The movie was also directed by Charles Haid. (A picture of actor/director Charles Haid is shown) If you don't know who Charles Haid is, then you should get kicked in the nads, hard. With a steel-toed boot. He played Officer Andy Renko (A picture of Charles Haid as Officer Andy Renko is shown) on the hit TV show Hill Street Blues. And if you haven't seen or heard of Hill Street Blues, then this should happen to you.

(A clip from Lethal Weapon 2 is shown as we see Riggs drop a shipping container on Vorstedt)

"Yeah, that." Lucas pointed out.

Announcer: One mother, one daughter, one lover to satisfy them both. They couldn't get enough of him. Now, they can't get rid of him.

(Maggie runs towards the door and slams it shut)

"You want to know why they can't get rid of him? Because he's always shirtless and wearing denim. Right now, I'm composing a naughty Bunk'd/American Housewife one-shot involving Xander and Taylor Otto." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Who would've thought to see Maggie Seaver star in an erotic thriller directed by Officer Renko?

Eve (Played by Joanna Kerns): I'm a woman that needs a man.

"More like a hot milf that needs the Vitamin D." Lucas said.

Maggie (Played by Jenny Robertson): (To Tom) I saw you last night. Why did it have to be her?

"Because the guy is into smokin' hot milfs. Just like us." Sean said.

Suddenly, Taylor clears her throat as Sean and Lucas both turn around to see Taylor standing by the couch with her arms crossed.

"Oh, really? What was your Brazzers-style threesome fantasy involving porn actress Reagan Foxx and me that you were telling about Lucas?" Taylor asked.

"What fantasy? I wasn't telling Lucas a threesome fantasy about you and Reagan Foxx. That's crazy. You must be hearing things." Sean said.

"Oh, really?" Taylor asked, raising an eyebrow at her boyfriend.

"Yeah." Sean said.

"Sean, didn't you say something about watching Reagan Foxx having sex with Taylor in front of you before you join them?" Lucas asked as Sean glared at him.

"Really?! You had to blurt it out in front of blondie over here?" Sean asked.

"Right. We'll talk about this later. Trust me." Taylor said before she left the room.

"Sorry, broski." Lucas said.

"Dude! She wasn't supposed to know that!" Sean exclaimed.

"Who knows? You'll probably get lucky after this review." Lucas said.

(Cut to the second promo for The Nightman)

Lucas: (Narrating) Check out this second promo. The announcer tells the viewers what the critics think about this movie and how steamy it is.

Announcer: When we showed critics The Nightman, we had to give them a towel.

"Yeah. I think we all know why they gave the critics a towel." Lucas said while a naughty smirk appears on his face.

Sean: (Narrating) Just listen to what the critics had to say about this movie.

(We see different quotes from different newspaper companies. We see one from the San Francisco Chronicle that says "Steamy!", one from the New York Post that also says "Steamy!", one from the Chicago Sun Times that says "Sweaty!", one from the Denver Post that also says "Steamy!")

Announcer: It steamed up The Bay. It steamed up The Apple. It steamed up The Loop. The steam shot a mile high.

We cut back to Sean and Lucas as they both chuckle at what the announcer said.

"The steam shot a mile high. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not steam coming from the guy from the Denver Post." Sean said.

Maggie: He's trying to kill me!

Man: This man has paid his debt to society.

Maggie: So, he's re-entering society in my apartment building.

"Yeah, re-entering society in your apartment building while he's wearing denim." Lucas said.

Lucas: (Narrating) You know, if this movie was made today, here's what the reviews for the movie would be like.

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

(We cut to footage of The Nightman followed by different quotes from different critics)

Sean: (V/O as Announcer) The Nightman, a film about a mother, her daughter and a smokin' hot shirtless denim guy wanting to bang both of them. It's one of the most steamiest and sexiest movies ever to be shown on NBC. Here's what some of the critics said about the movie.

(We see a quote from Sean J. Archer, Mayhem Times that says "Hotter than Reality Kings!, followed by a quote from Lucas Hackett, Arkansas Times that says "This is boner material!"

Sean: (V/O) Sean J. Archer from the Mayhem Times says it's hotter than Reality Kings porn. Lucas Hackett from the Arkansas Times says this film is boner material.

(We see a quote from Wayne Campbell, Wayne's World that says "Sch-wing!")

Sean: (V/O) "Sch-wing!" says Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World.

(We see a quote from Perrell Laquarius Brown that says "AMBATUKAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHH!")

Sean: (V/O) "AMBATUKAAAAAAAH-AHHHHHHHHHH!" says Perrell Laquarius Brown.

(We cut to the last quote that's from the Cincinnati Enquirer that says "Steamy as Hell!")

Sean: (V/O) It also steamed up the Queen City. We call it the sexiest movie of the year. We call it The Nightman. Just don't get it confused with It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's The Nightman Cometh. Because if it was like that, then we would hear singing throughout the movie. Hell, the guy in the movie look like the hunky shirtless version of Glenn Howerton trying to bang the mother from Growing Pains and the chick that's married to Thomas Lennon from Reno 911. I bet this guy in the movie is a master of karate and friendship for everyone. Shouldn't there be a sequel to the movie called The Dayman? Remember the television show called Nightman with the superhero? That was an awesome show. Gotta love that sexy saxophone theme. It'll instantly put you and your girl in the mood.

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

Sean: (Narrating) It's a shame that there's no Blu-Ray release for the movie. Hell, you could find the full movie on YouTube. If you want to see how steamy the movie is, then go check out The Nightman. You won't be disappointed.

(We see a quote from the Chicago Sun Times that says "Sexiest Movie On TV" and another quote from the NY Daily News that reads "Turns Up The Heat")

Announcer: The sexiest movie on television turns up the heat in your house. The Nightman is coming to NBC tomorrow.

(Cut to a clip from the Nostalgia Critic's review of Batman (1989))

Nostalgia Critic: And I'm hard as hell.

(TV static transitions to: Florida Grapefruit Juice commercials circa 1989)

(The commercial opens with a glass getting filled with grapefruit juice as the camera zooms out on the state of Florida)

Narrator (Voiced by Lorenzo Music): Why is grapefruit juice like Fort Lauderdale?

Sean: (Narrating) Now, here's a classic commercial advertising for Florida Grapefruit Juice. Not only it's advertising grapefruit juice, but we do see a familiar face from a certain cartoon show that we all grew up watching. And it's a show that the Nostalgia Critic despises.

(We then see a group of college kids in a car driving to Florida and they drive past a hitchhiker who's holding a glass of Florida Grapefruit juice in one hand and in the other a sign that reads "Fla. or Bust!"

Narrator: Well, grapefruit juice isn't the place where studious and immature college kids go on Spring Break…

Lucas: (Narrating) Recognize that guy? If not, then let us tell you who it is. That guy happens to be Doug Funnie.

(Cut to footage of the show Doug, both the 1991 Nickelodeon version and the 1996 Disney version while the theme music plays and the title screen for the show is shown)

Sean: (Narrating) For those of you who aren't familiar with Doug, the show was created by Jim Jinkins, who brought such great shows from our childhood like Allegra's Window, PB Otter, Stanley, JoJo's Circus and Pinky Dinky Doo. The show centers on the life and zany adventures of Doug Funnie, as him and his family move into his new hometown Bluffington. Along the way, he meets friends, finds love and maneuvers his way through sixth grade and writes it all about it in his journal. He also has a loveable dog named Porkchop. When I was like around 4 or 5, I watched the show on ABC's One Saturday Morning. Then, when I was like 7 or 8 and we just got cable, I saw that they were showing the show on Nickelodeon. And I got confused for a bit because the show aired on ABC. Well, before it moved to it's new home as "Brand Spankin' New! Doug", the show aired on Nickelodeon back in 1991 for 4 seasons from 1991 to 1994. There was also a movie that was released in March of 1999 during the show's seventh and final season called Doug's 1st Movie, but we'll talk about it another time.

Lucas: (Narrating) Before the show Doug, Jinkins worked in advertising and he created a character resembling Doug in commercials sponsored by Florida Grapefruit Growers. And not only he appeared in these commercials, him and Porkchop appeared in a couple of bumpers for USA Network the same year as the Florida Grapefruit Juice commercials aired. But we're not talking about those. Oh, no. We're gonna be talking about the Florida Grapefruit Juice ones.

(Cut to another commercial featuring Doug Funnie as we see a glass filled with grapefruit juice and a transition to a palm tree, followed by a slide transition as we see Doug holding a watering can while standing between a glass of grapefruit juice and a palm tree)

Narrator: What does grapefruit juice have in common with a palm tree? They're both grown in Florida. Of course grapefruit juice doesn't sway in the wind, but it does feel like a cool breeze.

(A cool breeze blows Doug away, sending him flying into a chair as the palm tree lands next to him while a glass of grapefruit juice appears in his hand)

Narrating: Sure, palm trees are cool and refreshing, but grapefruit juice is cool and refreshing and is much better for your health than a palm tree.

"Alright, look. If you're gonna ask us if we drank a palm tree because it's cool and refreshing, then you're out of your friggin' mind!" Sean exclaimed.

Sean: (Narrating) Also, don't you just love how the narrator is comparing Florida grapefruit juice to something else?

(We cut to another commercial, where we see a glass being filled with grapefruit juice and Doug bouncing up and down on a pogo stick while holding a glass of grapefruit juice)

Narrator: Why is grapefruit juice like a pogo stick? Sure, grapefruit juice doesn't spring up and down, but it'll put a spring in your step and it's much more refreshing than bouncing around all day.

"I bet Aletta Ocean bouncing on my pogo stick is more refreshing than grapefruit juice." Lucas said.

Lucas: (Narrating) Just listen to some of the things he compares Florida Grapefruit Juice to.

Narrator: (Narrating) Why is grapefruit juice like Fort Lauderdale? Narrator: Well, grapefruit juice isn't the place where studious and immature college kids go on Spring Break…/Why is grapefruit juice like the Florida sun? Well, grapefruit juice isn't a red-hot fireball in the sky…/What does grapefruit juice have in common with a pelican? Both come from Florida. Of course, grapefruit juice isn't a big, beaked bird that flies…

"Oh, come on. You never hear anyone comparing Ohio apple juice to the Cincinnati Bearcats." Sean said. "I'm sure he can compare Florida Grapefruit Juice to alligators in the Everglades."

Narrator: What does grapefruit juice have in common with a pelican? Both come from Florida. Of course, grapefruit juice isn't a big, beaked bird that flies, but it does give you quite a lift.

(Doug is seen sitting on a tree branch while sipping on a glass of grapefruit juice. He is surrounded by a group of pelicans)

Narrator: It's cool, crisp and tangy. Pelicans are neither cool, crisp nor tangy, but some people think they're more fun than grapefruit juice, which is unfortunate 'cause drinking grapefruit juice is a lot more enjoyable than watching pelicans trying to land on a dock.

"What the hell are you talking about, Garfield?" Lucas asked.

Sean: (Narrating) You know, I can imagine this. I can imagine what it would be like when Doug writes about this stuff in his journal.

(Cutaway Gag Starts)

(We open with the theme from Doug (The 1996 ABC version) as we see Doug in one of the Florida Grapefruit Juice commercials, which is the Spring Break commercial)

Sean: (V/O as Doug) Dear Journal, today was another day of recording a grapefruit juice commercial. I had a really fun time! I had a group of college kids heading to Fort Lauderdale driving past me and I swam underwater. I even get to fly in a plane all while drinking grapefruit juice. Man, Garfield was right, grapefruit juice is pretty refreshing than vacationing in Fort Lauderdale. Tomorrow, I get to record another grapefruit juice commercial and it involves pelicans. Just wait until I get my own TV show, that would be very cool!

(Cutaway Gag Ends)

Lucas: (Narrating) These commercials are silly and goofy. You have Doug Funnie, Garfield and some refreshing grapefruit juice. If you want to see how Doug got his start, then check out these commercials. You'll probably buy yourself some grapefruit juice as well.

(We see Doug sitting on top of a rock, which happens to be a whale that knocks him off)

Narrator: So for a cool, refreshing taste, leave the palm trees on the beach and drink grapefruit juice on the rocks. 100% pure grapefruit juice.

(The commercial ends with a shot of Doug holding the glass of grapefruit juice and the caption "100% Pure Florida Grapefruit Juice" is shown)

(TV static transitions to: Sly Cooper and the Thievious Raccoonus PlayStation 2 commercial circa 2002)

(The commercial opens with the PlayStation logo, then we cut to an interrogation room in which we see an interrogator talking to a criminal while he's flipping on a large flipbook.)

Interrogator: Why not a couple of pictures and then go home?

(The interrogator flips a page.)

Interrogator: Anybody you recognize here?

Criminal: Nah…

"Well, this is strange," Sean raised an eyebrow. "Is this NYPD Blue I'm watching?"

Criminal: I don't hang out with animals, man….

Interrogator: Which one is he?!

(The interrogator flips over to the next page, revealing the pictures of different animals)

Interrogator: Does this ring a bell? Which one?!

"Oh, I'm pretty sure that I saw Sipowicz and Simone arresting a cat one time." Sean said.

"Or maybe I saw an episode where a dog was watching John Kelly having sex with Janice Licalsi before she shot the dog." Lucas said.

"Holy crap, I think I saw that episode." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, I'm pretty sure id'ing an animal isn't pretty weird. Gotta pick out that Corgi who's responsible for that jewel heist. But this commercial doesn't stop getting silly right there. The detective just straight up yells at him.

Interrogator: You're sitting here lying to me, wasting my time!

(A man in a suit is seen drinking coffee through a double-sided mirror. He then turns to a fax machine where it's seen printing out a raccoon.)
Interrogator: You're a liar. And I know you're a liar!

(The man is seen showing the picture of the raccoon to a bunch of animals lined up in a mirror, which consists of a dog, a goose, a monkey and an eagle.)

Interrogator: Help me here. Is it this one? Or it is that one, huh?!

"C'mon, the guy just wants to go the fuck home!" Lucas cried out, "Or he could just basically guess it's a raccoon and that'll be the end of it."

"Indeed," Sean said before raising an eyebrow, "Why does this raccoon have to do with this PlayStation commercial?"

(Clips of the game Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus for the PS2 start playing.)

Narrator: Sly Cooper. He's one cunning, devious, thievius raccoonus. Rated E for everyone.

"Wait a minute, this is a commercial for a Sly Cooper game?" Sean raised his eyebrow yet again, "Well, shit, I had this confused for NYPD Blue at first!"

Lucas: (Narrating) That's right, fans. This is actually a commercial for Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus for the PlayStation 2. And this also happens to be one of the first games for one of Sony's main mascots, Sly Cooper, who hit it big with this PS2 classic alongside his other three games in the franchise, Sly 2: Band of Thieves, Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves, and his current one from 2013, Sly Cooper: Thieves In Time. Yes, that was the one Sly got trapped in fucking Egypt at the end.

"And we're still pissed off at that too considering it ended on a cliffhanger," Lucas said, crossing his arms angrily, "Thanks for nothing, Sucker Punch."

"Although we do forgive you for Ghost of Tsushima." Sean nodded out.

Sean: (Narrating) Okay, don't get us wrong, we dig the promo and all, but how come we don't ever see Sly, Bentley, Murray and Carmelita in the commercial? They are the characters after all, and every single commercial in the 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000s has to have their characters in the franchise featured. Heck, we can do a better commercial than this with all the characters actually included, I can see it now.
(Cutaway gag begins.)

(We see Lucas dressed as Sly Cooper entering inside the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.)

Lucas/Sly Cooper: All right, I'm inside the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Now where to get my hands on Eddie Van Halen's guitar?

(Right behind him appears Taylor, who is dressed like Carmelita Fox, with a laser gun.)

Taylor/Carmelita Fox: Drop the cane, ringtail, and I might just let you go.

Lucas/Sly Cooper: *to Carmelita* Ah, Carmelita. Fancy meeting you here. Gotta say, the anger in your eyes definitely brings out your beauty.

Taylor/Carmelita Fox: I appreciate the compliment, but flattery won't get you nowhere but behind bars.

Lucas/Sly Cooper: Oooh, behind bars? How did you know I'm into kinky stuff? Got any handcuffs?

Taylor/Carmelita Fox: Way ahead of you.

Lucas/Sly Cooper: Nice. Let's see what they'll look like on you…?

Narrator: Thief in the streets. Thief in the sheets. Sly Cooper: A XXX Parody. Coming soon to you in an Adam & Eve store. Rated X.
(Cutaway gag ends.)
"Okay, our bad, that was a commercial we pitched to Brazzers for a Sly Cooper: A XXX Parody." Sean pointed out before smirking, "But still, that would've been kickass!"

Lucas: (Narrating) If you haven't played Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus yet, do so right now whether by physical copy or digital since by the time you're watching this, it's now in the PlayStation Store for just $10. Trust us, it's worth the steal.

"And yes, that was pun intended." Sean said with a wink.

(The Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus logo appears before the words "LIVE IN YOUR WORLD. PLAY IN OURS. PlayStation 2" pops up.)

(A clip of the show Family Guy plays.)

Stewie Griffin (voiced by Seth MacFarlane): Good stuff. Good stuff.

"Alright. We made it through a bunch of commercials. And yet, we didn't talk about a certain actor like we always do every time we do these commercials specials. Hey, we're safe! I think you know what this means." Sean said.

"I sure do, broski. We can finally end this commercials special." Lucas said.

"That's right. Well, thank you all for tuning in to another commercials special. I'm…" Sean said until he gets interrupted by a sound of thunder. Both him and Lucas look up as the room suddenly gets darker.

(The track "The Beginning" from Bram Stoker's Dracula composed by Wojciech Kilar plays in the background)

Sean started to chuckle nervously.

"Uh, y-y-yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure there's nothing left." Sean said.

"Care to explain it to the ominous music building up." Lucas said.

"It's just nothing, Lucas. Just forget it! Look, I'm pretty sure there are no other commercials left. That is all. If it's another scary PSA, then we can take it. So… what's the last commercial going to involve?"

(The music then crescendos as a picture of Bill Cosby as Dr. Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show is shown)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sean and Lucas both screamed out in horror after learning that the final commercial is a commercial involving Bill Cosby.

(Cut to a clip from Schitt's Creek where we see Moira Rose screaming, followed by a clip from Raiders of the Lost Ark featuring Toht screaming and the last clip from Batman: The Animated Series as we see The Joker screaming and falls out of his chair. The music ends as the scene cuts to black)

(TV static transitions to: Bill Cosby "OH, Baby!" commercial)

(The commercial opens with footage of Bill Cosby performing his stand-up comedy on stage while the captions "Best Selling Author" and "One of the Funniest Men in the World" is shown)

Announcer: Bill Cosby- bestselling author and TV star and one of the funniest men in the world…

"He's also one of the kindest inmates in Cell Block C." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, just when we thought we were safe from Bill Cosby, we can't run away from him. And since it's not a product that he's advertising, this is one where he's the star of it. And this is what it is appropriately called.

(Cut to a freeze frame shot of Bill Cosby dropping his jaw and his eyes closed with a speech bubble next to him that says "OH BABY!")

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

"Really? That's the name of the show on CD? Oh Baby?" Lucas asked

(Cut back to the image of Bill Cosby)

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

Announcer: And now, Bill Cosby gets his views on marriage, love and skiing in the hilarious comedy recording "OH, Baby". Available for the first time on TV.

"Oh, he gets his views on marriage, love and skiing. I'm sure he has other views. Maybe certain views on women and quaaludes." Sean said.

Announcer: Bill Cosby on marriage…

Bill Cosby: (V/O) There are things I'm not doing anymore. And not because I can't, but because I don't want to.

"Yeah, we want to believe you, but we don't believe you." Lucas said.

Announcer: He's outrageous, he's loveable…

"Oh, come on! Loveable?! You're calling Bill Cosby "loveable"? It's like calling that fat pig Nick Adams loveable. In fact, I wouldn't call Cosby loveable." Sean said.

Announcer: …and no one tells a story like Bill Cosby. Here's Bill on love.

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Here I am, dozing off when in the the first year, no way I would doze off, man.

"I'm sure that everyone sees the irony in that." Lucas said.

Bill Cosby: (V/O) You know? But I love her more today than back then when I stayed awake.

"I'm sure it'll work for women. It'll do wonders for your love life." Sean said.

Announcer: Bill Cosby gets his views on marriage, love and skiing…

"We can skip the skiing, the other two we could leave out. We're more curious about that." Lucas said.

Lucas: (Narrating) Is it just us, or does Bill Cosby sound a little creepy right when he says "Oh, Baby"?"

(An image of Bill Cosby is shown with the speech bubble next to him)

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

Lucas: (Narrating) Look at him. He looks like he's excited over a woman (A picture of Julia from Total Drama Island is shown next to a picture of quaaludes) after he drugged her.

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

"God, I wish somebody would shut him up after saying that." Sean said.

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

(A clip from Friends is shown)
Chandler Bing (Played by Matthew Perry): Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!

"As a matter of fact, here's some of the reactions to people hearing Bill Cosby saying "Oh, Baby"." Sean said.

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

(A clip from Ghostbusters is shown)

Dr. Peter Venkman (Played by Bill Murray): (Smacks something out of Egon's hand) Stop that!

(Cut back to the commercial)

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

(Cut to a clip from Total Drama Island is shown)

Gwen (Voiced by Megan Fahlenbock): Would you please shut up?!

(Cut back to the commercial)

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

(A clip from Penn & Teller: Bullshit! is shown)

Penn: You need to shut the fuck up!

(Cut back to the commercial)

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

(A clip from Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker is shown)

Joker (Voiced by Mark Hamill): Shut up!

"Yeah, come up with a few at home. We would love to see what you could come up with." Sean said.

Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, Cosby's "nice guy" routine has been has been tainted. But if you're looking for topics about love, marriage and for some odd reason skiing, we can sum it up with two words…

(Cut to the image of Bill Cosby)

Bill Cosby: (V/O) Oh, baby!

(A clip from Seinfeld is shown)

Elaine Benes (Played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus): Shut up! SHUUUUUT UUUUUUUP!

"And that is all for this year's Commercials special. And yes, we'll be back with more commercials later on this year. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic…" Sean said.

"And I'm Lucas…" Lucas said.

"And we'll…." Sean said until he is suddenly interrupted by Euell Gibbons.

Euell Gibbons: (Off-screen) Ever eat a pine tree?

"Christ! Will he ever shut the fuck about eating pine trees?! JESUS!" Sean yelled out.

Mayhem Critic Tagline- The steam shot a mile high.

And there you have it! Another Commercials special taken care of. I know it took so long to finish it, but hey, we managed to get it done. Sorry about the long wait, I know that you all were expecting us to finish it back in July, but now it's September, I'm pretty sure that the wait was worth it. Again, UltimateWarriorFan4Ever and I apologize for the long wait. I guess if anyone asks, we'll just say we just had summer vacation. Yeah, well go with that. But since I'm back from break, make sure you join me in the next chapter when we take a look at the 1984 epic, The Neverending Story. And it's fitting since it's the 40th anniversary of that film as well. Sure to be fun. By the way, if you have any suggestions for a movie or TV show I should review next, let me know in the comments or PM's. Til next time, stay safe, everyone!