Born of the Abyss 1.1
1
The two of them were alone, with no one to stop him, and Hikaru was not a fighter. He wouldn't suddenly reveal that he knew martial arts, easily snatching the knife and getting out of this. In fact, he was nothing more than an instigator. However, there was no trace of fear on the face of the man who was his sperm donor.
Naturally.
Aqua hadn't expected anything else. With all he knew about his life, about his history, and more importantly, acting like him, putting himself in his shoes, Aqua had understood that he was a man who didn't value his life at all.
All his actions were governed by what he believed a ghost that only existed in his mind wanted.
Ai the Idol, not the human being.
"For the sake of your sister's future, huh?" Kamiki leaned back, resting against the railing. His smile, easy, natural, and completely fake, was as if he had met an old friend. He dropped his phone. "What are you talking about? People have no future. Like the rest of the world, they'll just die and rot. Only symbols are eternal."
The Idols and ideals to which people aspired.
"I have no interest in chatting about philosophy with a serial killer," Aqua replied. "In any case, you're the first without a future. The opinion of a corpse is irrelevant."
"Yeah, right. You want to kill me with that knife. Go ahead, that would give more substance to the ideal that Ai left behind. But what do you think will happen after? Your sister's future? What future does the sister of a murderer have?"
The demon spoke with a warm smile and as if he believed Aqua had never considered that.
"Even the victims of the Sarin Gas attacks were ostracized from society and treated as pariahs simply for being victims of a madman. You don't have to commit any madness, just be different. If you don't fit the ideal, if you deviate from what you're supposed to be, you're not even a human being. That goes for all people in this country, not just idols. All of us, without exception, are on stage, illuminated by the spotlights."
It was frustrating to say, but he wasn't wrong, of course.
"What do you think would happen to Ruby then, huh? By killing me, you wouldn't be protecting her life and her dreams. You'd be ruining everything. Not to mention your own life. You're not so much like me, actually, you have your own dreams."
Dreams and reasons to live.
He had plenty, yes, but... This life wasn't a second chance for him. Aqua was a ghost who couldn't rest in peace, but he had lived his life. Sarina had been robbed of everything she was supposed to have.
Parents who loved her. A life. Growing up and falling in love. Having her heart broken and mended. All kinds of happy and bittersweet things, the complete experiences of a human being.
Sarina deserved her chance to be "Ruby".
The question that had tormented him since he opened his eyes and contemplated Ai's face.
If there was a meaning in Gorou Amamiya's existence continuing, then surely it was to protect that second chance at all costs.
He had been mad with rage for years against the world for daring to take away even the person who was Sarina's pillar in her worst moments, but now that he knew she had always been by his side, his purpose couldn't be clearer.
Therefore...
"I don't care. I'm not going to let anyone hurt her."
Kamiki frowned.
"Haven't you been listening to me? There's no way you can kill me without ruining her life."
"I know, but no one has to know the truth. I'm not going to let you turn me into a 'curse' that ruins her life, so there's only one way..."
Aqua turned the knife around, pointing it at his stomach.
"Ah, I see." Even with his death approaching, Kamiki's tone was absolutely empty and cold. He had discarded his humanity a long time ago. "That's why the gloves."
"That's right. Your fingerprints aren't on this knife, but neither are mine. And you have a motive."
"Hence the movie." Kamiki tilted his head, as if studying him, as if seeing him for the first time. "You never bought my little act, huh?"
"It was good," he admitted grudgingly, "but from the beginning I knew that a creature like you doesn't know what love is."
If he ever had, he had clearly lost that capacity. Mocking Ai's feelings by representing that farce. The boy Ai had fallen in love with had disappeared without a trace long ago. What remained in his place couldn't even be considered a human being.
"And you know it? Let's say everything goes perfectly for you. What do you think Ruby will do after? That she'll smile, that she'll live happily without you?"
Aqua felt a knife sliding between his ribs, although he hadn't been stabbed yet.
What hurt him so, what affected him so deeply, were not the words of that man, but the 'nightmare' that brought back to the surface.
Sarina.
Sarina in the hospital bed, pale as death with dark sunken eyes. Sarina, nothing more than a shadow of what she once was, barely clinging to life.
Even in her last moments, her 'parents' hadn't shown up. But Sarina hadn't cared.
The other doctors had called him to tell him that the time had come.
And to tell him that she had been calling for him over and over again. With her weak voice, barely audible, she had been asking again and again to see Gorou Sensei...
The way her eyes lit up as soon as she saw him...
How relieved she felt immediately, her entire small body relaxing...
As if trying to be strong for him to not cause him more pain than necessary. Her small body. Her desire to protect him with that small body felt sacred.
He remembered her trembling and weak hand touching his face as if it were happening again.
"Sensei, I love you. If I'm ever reborn, I'm sure that..."
She didn't get to finish the sentence.
But Aqua was aware of what she had wanted to say. How could he not be? It had never been a secret. Sarina had always been so direct and honest, she didn't know the word shame.
And as much as it tormented him, part of him had wanted it too.
Something in him had broken that day.
He felt he had lost something irreplaceable.
He felt he wouldn't be able to continue living, not like this, and he almost hadn't. Once he had been very close. He didn't have the courage to take his own life, but a stranger had been about to do it for him and he had simply closed his eyes and let it happen. His survival that day had been a small miracle. Yes, the day he was stabbed wasn't the only one in which he had defied death.
He knew Sarina needed him even now.
That's why Tsukuyomi had told him he had made a grave mistake.
She knew this ending was inevitable long before he did, but even then he had understood that it was true. Whatever Ai wanted, Kamiki wouldn't back down... and neither would he.
"You're very quiet. Have you already lost your courage, my son?"
Kamiki smiled with pleasure. Those inhuman eyes were like black holes.
"Sarina... will be fine..."
"Sarina? What are you talking about?"
"She'll suffer for a long time, I know, but in the end... now she has friends who care about her, a mother who would do anything to ensure her happiness, and more than just dreams. She has a future." He swallowed. Suddenly it was as if he had forgotten how to breathe properly. "She won't... do anything foolish... even if I'm no longer here."
Hikaru had to disappear and this was the only way to do what was necessary without Ruby suffering the repercussions. He was sure that with time she would understand. She could hate him if she wanted, as long as she lived.
"I said who is Sarina! Speak clearly!"
"Catch it."
"Huh?"
The knife flew through the air.
With surprising dexterity, Kamiki definitely caught it before it touched the ground. And then Aqua threw himself at him, as if to give his father a hug after reuniting after so many years.
Well, there was a hug.
As the knife sank deep into his stomach.
"Are you crazy?"
Aqua smiled with his lips already stained with blood. Maybe, but with modern forensic techniques, there were ways to discover if a wound had been self-inflicted. It wasn't safe, but since he was going so far, since he was discarding everything, he couldn't leave anything to chance.
He put his hands on Kamiki's shoulders and pressed, pushing the knife deeper.
"People will have the story they want to hear. The life based on lies of a famous producer finally exposed... and the tragic death of a rising young star... First her mother, then her brother. Ruby will be the star who will rise despite the countless tragedies of her life. The story of overcoming will catapult her to even greater heights and no monster like you will be able to tie her down." Aqua took a deep breath. He brought his mouth to Kamiki's ear. "Let's go to hell together, father."
"Wait!"
Too late.
Aqua pushed, throwing them both over the railing.
They fell towards the dark waters that seemed to be a reflection of the night sky on this deep starless night.
2
Ruby felt pain in her abdomen.
Bathed by the lights that had blessed and cursed her mother to death, she trembled from head to toe. It was an intense pain like a punch in the stomach. No, a knife and not intense, but lacerating.
Suddenly fear shook her heart.
Slowly, she stopped and the microphone slipped from her fingers. It sounded as loud as a gunshot as it hit the ground and kept rolling. Because many people fell silent right away and others did the same after, all looking, wondering what was happening, whispering. Judging her.
As they always judged Ai.
"Ruby?"
The voice of her friends calling her. It was as if they came from another world. No, it was her who came from another world. Was this really her place?
What was she saying? Of course it was here.
So many years, so many years and finally here.
"Sensei..." She barely realized she had said it out loud.
She swallowed.
It was nothing more than a formless anxiety. That's what she believed, what she had to believe, because today of all days it couldn't be possible.
Slowly Ruby walked and bent down to pick up the microphone with trembling hands.
But, Aqua wasn't among the crowd.
"As I was saying, this song is dedicated to the most important person in my life, to whom I owe everything. Absolutely everything." It was as if she had forgotten how to breathe properly. "Without him, I..."
What was she saying? She couldn't be so direct.
Ruby believed, or at least wanted to believe, that most of her fans weren't bad. That they were people like herself, who had adored Ai because she always made them smile, because she brightened their days. Most people must be normal.
But, of course, that didn't matter. No matter how many normal people supported her, the industry and her career were founded by people like Ryousuke. The people who paid to shake her hand, to take pictures with her. To pretend to possess her.
They wanted all her songs to be about love, a sweet promise that she was capable of loving, that someday they might have a chance, but they didn't want her to express that love.
That was the only thing they wouldn't tolerate.
But so what?
She wasn't singing for people like that, was she?
She wanted to be different from her mother, right?
She was here because she dreamed that things could be better, right?
"I wouldn't be here." Ruby smiled. There was no need to say anything. With a single glance, anyone could understand that it was the face of a maiden in love. "He was my first fan, the only person who was always by my side. My first and only love. This song is for you, Sensei. Wherever you are tonight, I hope... my feelings reach you."
She could feel Kana and Mem-Cho's gazes fixed on her.
They probably thought she had gone mad, but Ruby believed quite the opposite. She felt very light, as if her feet weren't touching the ground, as if she had released a mysterious weight that had been tying her down.
The song she had left him, like a last wish. She had always owed herself and Sensei this performance.
Sarina began to sing from the heart.
3
Aqua and his father hit the water.
The distance between the hill and the water surface. Objects accelerated as they fell. And, at a certain speed, hitting the water was like hitting cement. He was aware of that.
That was the point. He had done this knowing there was no salvation. With the impact, the knife slipped out of the wound. It floated away from him. With nothing to stop it, blood flowed more abundantly from the wound. As Aqua sank into the depths, his blood rose.
But the important thing was that Kamiki sank faster than him.
He would sink into the darkness and disappear forever along with his malice. Ruby would have to face all kinds of challenges without him, but this monster that went beyond even the common sense of the worst of society would never be able to touch her.
He wished he could help her more, but this was his limit. This was as far as he had come.
Deep down he had always known things would end like this. That Hikaru wouldn't back down and Ai's wish would go to waste.
This had been inevitable for a long time. He felt as if the gods were laughing at him.
But soon, everything would end. The fear and the pain, everything would be...
4
Painted white.
Nothing but a warm and peaceful whiteness, without noise. He didn't know where he was, he wasn't even sure who he was, but it didn't seem like a bad idea to stay here. This way he wouldn't have to feel afraid. He was already tired of living in fear.
But that was just a vague intention. The gods didn't care about the wishes of men. He had felt something like that peace once and it hadn't lasted. He had that feeling, even though he didn't even remember...
"Aqua."
His own name.
(Aqua? Am I Aqua?)
Aqua turned around and saw Ai, naturally in her idol outfit. Naturally with her characteristic smile that was capable of illuminating an entire stadium. Illuminating even the life of a girl
(Sarina? Sarina!)
whose life was about to go out like a trembling flame.
Through the screen, as if there were no barriers.
Ai crouched down, her eyes bright as stars, always smiling.
"What's wrong, my son? Why are you making that face?"
Son, yes. He was her son. Right.
"Don't worry, mom is here to protect you." She spread her arms to hug him, but that didn't happen.
"I don't know what's happening. I don't know how we got here. How..." Aqua brought a hand to his head. Suddenly he had realized that this encounter was impossible. After all... "You're dead."
But that was the really impossible thing.
Because if she was dead, then he must be dead too. He couldn't have died. He couldn't die yet.
"Huh? Aqua?"
Ai stepped back as if he had hit her.
She looked at him as if she didn't recognize him.
Ai raised both arms and looked at them as if she had noticed something mysterious beginning to emerge. To be honest, he had felt it in his bones too. No, he had known it since he looked her in the face. It wasn't even the first time he had had a similar nightmare.
(Nightmare? NIGHTMARE!)
He could hear the clock hands moving. His skull throbbed. Ai's animated corpse began to rot before his eyes at an accelerated speed.
"Oh, it's true!" Ai screamed before ending up as nothing more than a bit of skin, flesh, and a pile of bones.
Aqua didn't scream. He didn't even move. He was too horrified to react.
It's the same, it's the same. With trembling hands he covered his head, covered his ears. He didn't want to have anything to do with that. With the fear and the pain. He was content and at peace in the white void.
(Thank you for being alive!)
Ruby
(You're here in the flesh! Well done!)
Ruby?
(I'm happy just that you exist!)
No such person exists.
No beautiful eyes.
No soft lips.
No love.
The spotlight pierced the darkness. He saw a girl dancing under the spotlights, although there was no audience to contemplate her. Always tied to the hospital bed. She was right there. Those dance steps. How many times had she practiced them? Even when she could no longer move properly, how many times had she watched the videos?
How many times had she seen herself repeating them, if only in her mind?
SARINA
5
Aqua woke up in the depths of the waters. His life was escaping through two paths. The wound in his stomach and the oxygen that filtered from his lungs and flew to the surface, dancing along with the blood. A spiral of death.
He could see a faint light. There was still a light to cling to, guiding him towards the water's surface. Towards warmth and life.
Somehow, Aqua gathered strength in his body to swim towards the surface. His body was heavy. He couldn't feel his hands. He couldn't feel most of his body, actually. Death was near. It wanted to cut off all his senses and make him disappear into the darkness. The bottom of the sea was like jaws trying to devour him completely.
Better. Better not to feel anything, the pain would only prevent him from doing what he had to do.
Swimming.
Because there was something... like a trembling light.
Because there was something like... a love song.
Perhaps it was due to the lack of oxygen, but he could almost hear it, even underwater. A distinct voice, as if coming from another world, called him. Encouraged him. Wished him the best.
Hang in there, keep going, you'll be fine!
I want to see you shining brightly
My oshi is the best!
Life has its ups and downs. An easy life is rarely possible.
There are nights when you might want to cry, but put on your headphones and look at the stars
Even so, he had the feeling that he was fading away. That he was losing everything little by little. That the strength he had left wouldn't be enough. Ah, I...
I don't want to be here. I want to go home. Home, with Miyako-san. With my sister. Home, where everything is warm and safe.
I'm scared.
I'm so scared.
And it's so dark.
Dark as a tomb. Dark as
(I'M NOT DEAD!)
death. He had died once and remembered nothing between the stabbing and waking up in Ai's arms, conscious again. Alive again.
Which meant there was nothing. Gods, sure, but not an afterlife. Just this.
He had already escaped the natural cycle of life and death. As a special favor, for this, he had been allowed to reincarnate. Or maybe he should say do it with his memories. In any case, it wouldn't be repeated.
There would be no second miracle. Besides, he had fulfilled his purpose. Kamiki would sink to the bottom. The tide would take everything away, even his sins.
So, it made no sense. The meaning of the existence of "Aqua Hoshino", at least in the eyes of the gods, no longer existed.
The only thing that awaited him if he died was the end.
I'm so scared.
But not of disappearing. Not really. He had realized that he had been focusing on the wrong things. He didn't want to disappear without the chance to fix that terrible mistake.
(Thank you for being alive!)
Oh, god. My god.
After an eternity, on the verge of losing consciousness, Aqua emerged. The night air filled his lungs. As if he couldn't bear it, he coughed hard, as if he were drowning, expelling the seawater.
Weakly, he headed towards the face of the cliff. So high. He could hardly believe they had really fallen from so high.
He clumsily took off his gloves. It would be hard enough without that hindering his progress as well.
He began to climb.
It required superhuman effort and he was nothing more than a fragile human whose life was escaping faster and faster. He was progressing, but as he did so his wound rubbed against the rocks of the cliff wall. The pain was so horrible that he felt nothing at all for several seconds, as if his nervous system had to shut down to protect itself.
He was progressing, but...
Whatever happens, look ahead.
Your smiling face with a peace sign captivates me
Why did he have the feeling that the distance was getting bigger?
My god, I don't want to die like this.
It was difficult to cling to the rocks when he could barely feel his fingertips. The blood wouldn't stop flowing. He was soaked from head to toe, and that was extra weight dragging him into the abyss. So dark.
I don't want to die.
When you're feeling down, I'll give you a push
Because that's my happiness
The blood. He was leaving a trail of blood as he climbed, slippery. At any moment he could fall back into the darkness.
I'm so scared.
But he couldn't let fear stop him.
Something resembling a wounded animal reached the top of the hill. Miraculously, he got there and crawled under the railing to reach a safe place.
It was a terrible night, with no stars to illuminate the darkness. Only the moon remained. Only the moon illuminated him this night.
Just like that night. The night he had found death. Just like then, his vision was drowning in blackness, with no return. The difference was that he wasn't alone.
Tsukuyomi was there, floating above the waters. The moonlight made her platinum blonde hair look almost transparent. In appearance she was a child, but there was something indescribably old in that face now, at the same time. The goddess floated to him and landed softly.
He couldn't help but notice that she was barefoot, but her feet didn't get dirty. He could see her in front of him, but she existed in another world. An elevated existence that moved in a world without fear or pain. Why couldn't she bless him, then?
Aqua, slowly, weakly, extended his hand towards her.
"Please, help me. No, you've already helped me..." He coughed hard. Blood. Too much blood. Everything was red or black. The world was covered with a black and white film filter, in which the only color was that of his own blood. "I wouldn't have been able to climb up here without you. So, please, don't let it happen again. I have to see her. Hug her."
Tsukuyomi disappeared.
"No!" Gorou Amamiya pounded helplessly on the ground. "No, no, come back here!"
Do your best, do your best!
No problem!
You'll definitely be fine!
"Sarina" That's right. The phone was still broadcasting. That's right. "Sarina. Sarina."
He could barely speak.
His voice surely didn't reach much beyond his own ears. She seemed to be singing for him... and extending her hand to him.
Gorou placed his bloodied hand on her small palm through the cold glass.
I want to see you shine in your own way
Because my oshi is the best, after all!
"Sarina."
That wasn't true.
Apart from failing her, he couldn't do anything. Keep her company. Smile and joke with her. Buy her some tickets. What were those small gestures?
Even in the best case, all he had been able to be was the only option for a little girl who had nothing else.
In that dark and lonely world, anyone could have shone in her eyes.
But Sarina was different.
Although she had nothing, she had swept away everything in his empty life. Before he knew it, he could only think of her. More than once he had committed the irresponsibility of rushing his work just to be able to spend more time with her. That's why, she was wrong.
Gorou Amamiya was nothing special.
She... would probably be able to live alone, but he couldn't bear it. He hadn't been able to bear it. Not even for an instant.
The hand had already moved away from the screen.
With all the blood, he couldn't see her smile well.
Or was it because his vision was fading?