AN: Well, this was enjoyed. Awesome! So... since Post-Labor Day Tuesday sucked, have another.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Who's That Father?

Break The Walls Down

(Then: Beelzehaven, West Side aka "Rave Town")

As the rare rainfall drenched him, a half-blindfolded suited up Hellhound stood on the stoop of a rundown house, a low growl rumbled from his chest as his one good eye glared at the door. One hand had a nearly empty bottle in it, and the other balled into a tight fist before it raised up and slammed into the wood. Not once, not twice, but a solid three 'knocks'. Nothing, his ears flicked, and the hound snarled before he knocked again.

"Your lights are fucking on—! Open the door, Runt! I know you're home!"

A series of stomps had him step back and fight down the snarl that threatened to cross his face. The door pulled open and his temper got the best of him. The sloppy punch still found its mark as the lone occupant's head flicked back. The victim of his assault stumbled back and cradled his muzzle while two blazing blue eyes glared into his lone red.

" Ow! Tex, what the fuck?!"

"Where the fuck have you been, shithead?!" Vortex snapped. He stepped forward and bared his teeth. "I gave you enough fucking space for far too fucking long. Going dark after you found out about us, I get, but I figured six months was long enough!"

"Fuck off, we saw each other at your fucking trial!"

"It's been three months since the fucking trial, dumbass! You fucked off and went dark again before it was even over!"

"No shit, I was only needed as your fucking character witness, douchebag!" Naruto snarled back. He jabbed Vortex in the chest with a finger. "I dunno why your drunk ass decided to show up here, but you need to get the fuck off of my porch!"

"Where the fuck do you get off?!" Vortex snarled as he slapped the hand down.

"What do you fucking want from me?! I kept your stupid ass out of prison, but that's as far as I'm willing to go for you!"

"My-?! Fuck you, man! Its been over a fucking year, you don't get to be pissed about that shit!" Vortex snarled and took another bad swing. It wasn't his best idea, the last one only connected because he had the element of surprise on his side. Aside from that, a system full of alcohol and throwing punches at a sober opponent never ended well, he knew that well enough from his bouncer jobs. As he should've expected, the second attack got caught, his arm got twisted and wrenched up behind his back. He flailed in an attempt to get another hit in, only to be tossed off the stoop onto the sidewalk. The Beelzejuice bottle he had shattered and he grabbed at his bleeding hand with a growl. "Fucking... asshole!"

"What the fuck did you expect?! You just rolled up to my house piss drunk and socked me in the fucking face! Fuck." The taller orange-coated hound cracked his nose back into place with a snarl. He glared down at Vortex and tried to stop the blood dribbling from his nose. "You wanna have this shit out now? A year later?! Are you fucking serious? Anti-Christ. I thought you were a fucking tax collector with that fuckin' getup!"

"You — Fuck, man." Vortex growled as he pushed himself back to his feet and stumbled to brace himself on the rail. He scowled at his feet and whined as his good eye screwed shut. He rolled the twisted wrist and it crackled with only a slight tinge of pain, so not dislocated but still dinged. He straightened up and glared at the other Hound. "Her funeral was today, jackass."

"Funeral? ...Oh, right." Naruto shook his head and scratched the back of it. He sniffed up some blood and heaved a sigh. "Shit. Yeah. Must've slipped my mind."

"..Slipped your mind–?! You dated her for three years, you worthless sack of shit!" Vortex snarled, hackles raised and incensed all over again. The nerve of this asshole! "You couldn't be bothered to show some respect for that?! For our friendship?!"

"Don't play high and fucking mighty with me, Vortex! I already know you two started to fuck behind my back two months before we broke up!" Naruto snarled back, a cold glare in place of his usual and the familiar furious one. A high whine had both hounds look back into the house, and Vortex found himself suddenly very sober by the sound of it. The orange hound crumpled against the doorway with a whine and rubbed his face. " No...Fuck me. That was barely ten minutes! ...Shit, she's gonna be so fussy."

"...You...Runt, what was that?"

"Not your fucking problem." Naruto spat before he grabbed the door and backed back inside. "Anything else you want, dude? You want another free shot? Because I have to go deal with that."

"Was that a puppy?! Why do–? When did you have a puppy?!" Vortex snapped as another whine ripped into his ears. He curled his lip. "What? Did you go wasted after you broke up and got some bitch pregnant with a little bastard?"

" Watch it, Tex." Blue eyes gained a glow and a growl filled the street. His hand cracked the door where he held it. "I'll let the punch slide because you're drunk, but you do not talk about my pup that way!"

"Anti-Christ, Naruto, is that why you've been quiet for so long?! Were you too fucking proud to ask for help?!" He advanced up the stoop with a growl. "Hina and I, shit man, we would've helped you, dumbass—!"

"It's none of your fucking business, Vortex!" The orange Hound bared teeth and his ear flicked back at a third loud whine — Fuck, it sounded so small — pierced the air. He closed his eyes and growled lowly before he glared at Vortex again. "Look, chances are that even if I did remember, I wasn't going to be there. It... It sucks that she died, man, I'm sorry that it happened, especially the way that it did, but I have more important things to worry about now than going to a funeral."

"...Can I–?"

"We're not friends, Vortex. Not anymore." The snarl was accompanied by a pointed glare. A sad cry started with a pitiful howl and Naruto's shoulders sagged further. His ears dropped and, before he closed the door on the speechless Vortex's face, he grumbled one last request. "Just...Just leave us the fuck alone."

The door slammed shut and in just a few seconds the crying stopped. The one-eyed Hellhound stood on the rainy stoop for another thirty minutes, staring at the door to his former best friend's home. It sank in an hour later, when the rain stopped, as he sat in some shitty dive bar that the three of them used to frequent together, that he was alone.

(Now: Gluttony, Beelzebub's Manor)

Vortex looked down at his Hellphone with drooped ears. He was a bit out of it, so maybe he was a little high from something, but he had been genuine in his offer. Ever since he signed that stupid paper, his best friend had stopped avoiding him outright and kept him at arm's length. Given the growth spurt the 'Runt' went through over the past three years, it was a long reach.

"Vortex! Hey babe!" a slender double set of arms wound around his shoulders and nuzzled him from the side. "Why'd you run off, hot stuff? Vibes are just getting good!"

"Just had to make a phone call, babe. Nothing to worry about." He assured the Sin of Gluttony with a grin. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and he led her back to the party. Her suspicious gaze was met with a softer smile. "Nothin' bad, I promise."

"Alright, but I've got my eyes on you. All of you." She purred. He grinned and pulled her close before she hauled him off to dance. He didn't need to worry about the pup, Naruto made it clear he had that handled.

(Then: Beelzehaven, West Side aka "Rave Town")

"Shh, shh, shhhhhut the fuck up..." Naruto whined at the wailing puppy that he bounced and held to his chest. If anything that made its whines and high-pitched howls louder, damn near rupturing his ear. The exhausted seventeen year old collapsed into his rundown couch. Bloodshot blue eyes looked down at two yet to open ones. His clawed thumb gently stroked under her chin as she continued to whine and whimper. "I've done everything for you, Pickle. I fed you. I burped you. You've messed yourself twice already and I cleaned it up. I just..I don't know what to do, baby. I'm sorry."

This had been going on for three days now, and he'd had maybe all of two hours of sleep since then. He didn't smell anything that would imply she was sick, and he didn't have the funds to pay for a vet check-up. He lifted the little pup up and put his nose and lips to her cheek when she whipped her head back and howled again.

"Oh, baby, I know. I know." He shushed her and cradled her again. He scrunched his eyes and groaned as he rubbed his muzzle against her head. "I'm gonna have to call him. Fuck. I don't want to, but I fucking have to. I need to sleep, and I need you to sleep and he's the only fucker I know that went through something like this shit."

Resigned to his fate, Naruto grabbed his Yokilla phone and punched in a number. He slumped against the couch and swallowed back his whimpers when the puppy started to get fussy again. Merciful Lucifer must have turned his back because the call actually went through and a groggy gruff growl was on the other line.

" The fuck do you want, Brat? Do you know what fucking time it is?!"

Naruto swallowed back his heated response. The puppy's whines were gearing up to get loud again and he just couldn't keep doing this by himself anymore. He managed four months, which honestly was three more than he had expected, but now... He felt himself on the verge of breaking.

"Toad–" He choked before a whine slipped out and he squeezed his eyes shut. Just do it! Swallow your fucking pride, dumbass! He gulped and a shuddered breath left his muzzle. "Grampa. I-I need your help."

" Grr...You're still in that shithole in Rave Town?"

"Y-Yeah–?"

" I'll be right there."

"...Thanks..."

The phone was hung up and Naruto smiled down at the puppy in his arms.

(Now: Beelzehaven, North End aka "Hellhound Heights")

His hellphone vibrated and Naruto groaned. He blearily opened his eyes and rolled over to look at the clock.

"Oh, what the fuck now–Wha?" The text on the phone had him blink a few times. It buzzed a few more times and more bubbles popped up. He scowled. "Gimme a second to fuckin' read it– damn."

(Hey. It's Luna.)

(Luna.)

(Fucking atuo, Loona)

(Dammit, auto.)

(It's Loona. From Imp)

(The Secretary)

"Loona, from imp..? What the fuck is–? Oh. Right," he cracked a small smile at the last message that popped up. He remembered the cute, pretty and slightly awkward hound that sat behind that small-time Merc Group's desk. Looked like she was awkward over text, too. He checked his watch; there was a bit of time before he had to wake Himawari for school so he could dedicate a few free minutes to the pretty hound he met.

(Hey. Sorry about yesterday. Nothing personal)

(Puppies, y'know?)

(No worries! Just, uh, wanted to check your number)

(Save! Save your number)

Damn. This girl's been burned before by other hounds. He wondered why? She was young, maybe even his age, attractive and had what he hoped was a decently paying job that didn't have her working the corners or dealing drugs or slaving away in the service industry. Not that any of those careers diminished any attractiveness in his opinion, but he had to think about his little girl and the type of influence any partner - regardless of how long the relationship could be - he'd might have would leave on her. She was already starting to spit with the vitriol of a potty mouth when she was worked up thanks to Roxanne. He shook the thought away and sent a response back.

(All's good.)

(So, puppy okay?)

He arched his brow. Playing to his paternal instincts? Good move. He yawned mid type and stretched, and–fuck. He just sent a single word response. Dammit.

(Scared)

(That sux)

Well, at least she rolled with it.

(Other pup okay?)

(She's safe and alive. All that matters)

(Cool)

(Very.)

Shit. They fell into the one word cycle response. Ugh, he never knew how to break these and that was without having a sufficient lack of caffeine in his system. He checked his watch. Fifteen minutes, then he had to get started on his morning routine.

(R U Busy? I'll lav you alone)

(Leave.)

Thank you, awkward text girl. Naruto grinned as he relaxed in his bed and sent a response with one hand while the other arm slipped behind his head.

(Didn't even get 2 defend myself N ur kicking me out)

(No, don't! Fuck!)

(I don't)

(Fuck, that is)

(hard 2 find time)

(raising a puppy and all)

(Fuck U)

Perfect. Time to insert his grandfather's strat: douche flirts. Did they work? Surprisingly, yes. Mostly in bars and on drunk partners, but they still worked. Why did they work? Naruto couldn't tell you, maybe the sheer abundance of them being leaked or recycled in the media caused them to become a subliminal message. Maybe his sleep-addled mind was looking way too deeply into it.

(U offering, or just a bad comeback?)

(Spoiler alert: one answer is greater than the other)

(…)

(Imp City, Buckzo Apartment)

Laying in her bed with her lip held between her teeth and her ears as erect as can be, Loona stared at her phone screen while her tail wagged frantically. "DILF", as she labeled the contact, was definitely at least a little interested if he was dropping cheesy bar lines like that.

Shit. Okay. Calm down. Calm down. She swallowed and thought about her response. A straight up honest answer made her seem desperate - which, kind of? Not only was she in a bit of a dry spell (two years and counting, hurray) but this guy was hot and seeing him with his puppy did something for her on a base level - but if she didn't respond with something that showed interest he might start looking elsewhere. Maybe even back to whatever bitch locked that ass down with a puppy.

Wait, shit, was he married? Loona was not Blitzø - she wasn't a homewrecker. She didn't remember seeing a ring, not that she was extremely focused on his fingers, but...they were easily worth two of her own slender clawed phalanges. A quick online search could fix that — wait! Better idea. This could only really backfire on her if she remembered wrong. It would be hard to miss a gold band around those big dark paws, though.

(And what does your wife say about that?)

(Haven't got one to ask)

So, he just had a puppy? What, for tax reasons? Blitzø told her that's part of why she got adopted; big cuts for people who help the unfortunate in Pride, something the Princess was promoting or some shit. Or did the bitch bounce? Red eyes narrowed.

(r u even single?)

(U got me)

She bared her teeth. Fuckin figures. He was just leading her on— And that was a picture of a newborn puppy With lavender fur in a big dark paw. She's so small, was Loona ever that small? Not that she was breaking records in the height department anyway...Was there supposed to be context for this picture?

(the other woman in my life)

...Dammit, Loona almost wanted to make a schoolyard joke but that would be too dark too fast. She barely knew this guy other than he was single, is hot and loves his puppy, which, yeah she could understand the last bit.

(Tough competition, dunno if I can top it)

(Willing to give u a handicap)

(U want to meet 4 coffee)

(Wed? At 10?)

Yes. Yes! Sweet fuck, yes! Loona closed her eyes and took a breath. Alright, calm down, don't go 'zoomie' over this. Keep it casual, Loona.

(Hotheads Cafe work?)

(Making me drive up to Pride, huh?)

Shit. She forgot he was in Gluttony. That's like a two hour trip, depending on the day. Maybe she should ask him for—or he could just respond now. Why not?

(Sure, I like a challenge)

(C U then)

(It's a date)

Score! Loona nibbled on her lip and tried to reign in her wagging tail before it alerted Blitzø that she was up. The last thing she needed was for him to barge in and catch her chatting with the "DILF"...She should really learn his name, and that was something she could do with a quick search. She grabbed the card she put on her bedside table and looked it over.

"Wild...Things...Wow, top five in the Hell-Wide search bar." She whistled and clicked the link. She choked on spit when her phone barked an expletive — that had to startle other Hounds as much as it did her — upon opening the main page. Her brows furrowed as she read the summation of their business. " All Requests Accepted - Fees non-negotiable. What does that mean? Is this, like, a sex page — huh, 'job categories'. Whoa."

'Assassination' topped the list and it seemed to be alphabetized from there. There were the typical ones like: 'Bodyguard(s)' which seemed to be pretty rational for a private mercenary company to have on their site, as did 'Crew/Muscle' and 'Security', but the 'Demolition (Construction)/(Hi-Grade)' was a weird choice. She felt her ears and core warm as she read over 'Escort(s) (Goods)/(Services)', wondering if the latter meant what she believed was implied, but the strangest option thus far was 'Friend-For-A-Day'. That sounded…messed up, to put it bluntly.

Curious, Loona opened it and found pictures of various different hounds hanging out with demons of all sorts, a bunch of them looked like Sinners or general losers, but there were a few influencers - off camera, behind the scenes setups were visible - that she vaguely recognized. Her jaw dropped. They...they were making bank off of the 'Lucifer's Best Friend' stereotype? That's so...so fucking stupid that it works, but brilliant that it was making them money! Talk about a gig!

She swiped through a few of the posted pictures and— bingo, found DILF. The picture was of him sitting in a tight blue shirt and cargos beside a portly merperson of a Goetia wearing a polo, the former with his head back and his mouth open in a laugh while the latter looked to be estimating the size of something. The DILf and his... 'John?' were on a yacht in what looked like Envy. She clicked the picture and the review that came up as it expanded was rather interesting.

Great Duke Vepar of Envy wanted a companion outside of family to trust on a day's fishing trip and WTF's very own Naruto Uzumaki stepped up to indulge him. The day was spent, we were told, in a lot of silence, with a few bad jokes scattered about. The moment captured here, by the Great Duke's nephew, Big Vinnie (not pictured), is apparently a recollection of another fishing trip gone awry. "I haven't had a genuinely more relaxing trip that didn't have a sexual encounter at the end of it," Vepar said in his glowing post-FFAD interview. "This Merc-Pack of Hounds is in good hands, and I can promise that I will be singing praises of your company for some time. I might even start right now."

(Editor's Note: Unfortunately, any recorded copy of Vepar's spontaneous shanty he had dedicated to Wild Things Facilitated was lost before this review was posted. We apologize to him and his House for any unintentional disrespect.)

Look at that, Loona had a name for the DILF.

"Na-rudo? ...That's probably not right..." She mumbled. Bit of a mouthful, but that fit considering the package he had— calm down, Loona, Blitzø hasn't tried waking you yet. You don't want him walking in on another bean-flicking session. She opened a new search and occasionally flicked back to make sure she spelt the name right before a whole swath of results popped up. The top result, again, caught her eyes, a digital copy of a Fraudless magazine from a few years back.

Hellhound Highlight - Naruto Uzumaki, Twenty-Years-Old & Worth Five Hundred, Seventy-Five Million!

"Unholy shit." Loona's jaw dropped. She figured he had money, but he had that much? Wait, this was an older magazine cover. He had to be worth more now, no wonder he let them keep the gold bars! She looked at the two in question she had sitting on her bookcase. The fuck was she even going to do with them? She'd worry about that later and decided to glean the rest of the Greed-focused, finance magazine cover.

Chairman, Founder and CEO of Wild Things Facilitated spills it all!

From Rags to Riches - Details on how growing up in the West Side of Beelzehaven opened his eyes to the problems in Hell, and how he capitalized on it!

Heart, Core, and Parkour - Health advice and a demanding exercise regimen for any aspiring Dog Soldier.

Ferocity & Fatherhood - This surprisingly single specimen of Hellhound has a serious attachment to his thirty pound baggage in the form of his three-year-old puppy that was literally dropped on his doorstep days after her birth.

"...That bitch missed out." Loona muttered as she took in the form fitting white Henley shirt and smoldering smile aimed at the camera that was chosen for the magazine's headshot. She rolled in her bed and laid on her side, nibbling her lip as she took in the picture. "How the fuck is he not locked down yet? ...Ugh, please don't have a weird kink... He can't have that weird of a kink though, he's got a kid, and he's only twenty-tw—"

She shot up from her pillow, ears erect and jaw dropped as the revelation hit her.

"He's my age. How the fu-?" She did some math in her head. "Oh, shit...He had a puppy young..."

That...Had to suck. Sure, she didn't have anything going for her when she was seventeen — nor did she have much going for her now — but for a Hellhound to be saddled down with a puppy before the party life could really get started...yeah, she was impressed, and more than a little intrigued. The guy was hot, stupid hot, and she'd probably never gotten a chance to even meet him if not for his puppy's lack of stranger-danger etiquette.

So, for the first time in Loona's life, she sat back and read the cover article highlighted in a finance magazine.

(Beelzehaven, North End aka "Hellhound Heights")

Naruto knew his morning was not going to go according to plan as soon as he finished putting the coffee date in his schedule. Call it 'Karma' or 'Universal Uzumaki Luck', but as soon as he finished exchanging texts like a school pup with the cute secretary from Pride, he got a chill up his spine. He brushed it off and went to wake his little girl for school, but found her already awake and trying to tear up her soaked bedding, with teary eyes and wet whimpers.

Although he was a little annoyed that he'd have to totally replace the sheets rather than just wash them, he set that aside and gathered his Pup up in his arms. She warbled out her apologies amidst a new flood of tears that soaked his fur and ensured he'd have to sneak a shower in before he went to the office.

"It's okay, Pickle. Accidents happen." He stroked his little girl's head as she sniffled and clung to him. "Next time just tell Daddy, though okay? We can wash piss out, but I can't sew for shit."

"Y-y'er not mad?"

"Course not, baby. A bit annoyed, but not mad." Naruto shrugged and grinned at the pup. "You'll just have to be grounded an additional day for ripping up your sheets."

"Mm..." Himawari's ears went flat and her lip pooched out as she whined. He flicked her nose with a claw and she yelped. "Dad-dy!"

"Don't make faces at me, or I'll make sure they'll get stuck that way. You destroyed your fuckin' sheets, pup. There's consequences for your actions. Try to remember that." He huffed and kissed her cheek before he set her on the floor. "Get your clothes and shit for school."

"Do I still have to-?"

"No, you aren't still going to school." Not after she was targeted by some family of nobodies, not after her best friend was just pup-napped and she ran all the fucking way to Pride to get help. No, Naruto was keeping his pup as close to him as possible for the foreseeable future. He raked claws over her head and gave her a quick scratch behind the ear around to the chin. He crouched down to look her in the eye and moved his hand back to her head. "You're gonna come to work with Daddy today until Grump can come get you, so what does that mean?"

"I'm gonna hang out with Grump?!" Himawari's tail wagged frantically as she bounced on her feet. Naruto arched a brow and curled a lip up with a quick growl. She stopped bouncing and her ears drooped a bit. "Don't leave Daddy's office even if I'm really, really bored; don't answer Daddy's phone even if it's been ringing a really, really long time; and if Daddy isn't with me, I stick close to Miss Priscilla and only Miss Priscilla."

"And?"

"I have to do all my schoolwork, not eat it." She grinned and her tail started to wag. "Unless I'm one-hundred and ten percent certain it'll be really, really funny if I do! Like another take home gym test!"

"That's my girl." Naruto smirked and pulled her in to give her a kiss on the head before he nodded at her dresser. "Get to it, Pickle. Clock's ticking. Breakfast will be ready when you're done."

He left his daughter to get dressed and pulled his phone out as he headed down the stairs. A contact was selected and he held it up to his ear. It rang twice before he got downstairs when it clicked, and a gruff snarl spoke through the other end. Loud gunfire and wordless exclamations were heard in the background.

" You picked a real shit time to chit-chat, Brat!"

"Then I'll cut straight to the point," Naruto said as he threw some frozen Bee-Lzebub's Honey-flavored Breakfast Meat Pies into a toaster oven. He leaned against the counter and checked his watch. Thirty minutes until he needed to be in his office, he had plenty of time to get his pup fed and himself ready. "I need you to pick Himawari up from my office around noon, if not sooner, and keep an eye on her."

(Somewhere in the Lust Ring's Warehouse District)

"Oh, is that all? You just want me to babysit?"

A behemoth of a Hellhound snorted while he used a parked jalopy as cover. His coat was a pure silver-white, save for the long red lines that drew from his face and the exposed scarred and wart-covered patch on the tip of his nose. Like most of his co-workers in WTF, he wore a black fitted shirt that exposed a definition most hounds his age would kill to have under a bulletproof vest, and dark slacks he taped down to prevent snags or lucky grapples. The hound dropped to his stomach and aimed the semiautomatic in his hands at the exposed feet of the half-baked mobsters that were taking shots at him. All while he continued to smirk and egged on the Brat that called him.

"What, did you finally score a hot date or something?"

" Not that it matters, but I did." Wait, what? Hold up, rewind, what?! The Brat growled. " Wait, shit that's not why I need you to take Himawari—"

"Hold that thought, brat, I need to wrap this up because that is an important development I need to get information on!" The Old Hound tapped the Sin-Tooth accessory on the thick grey collar around his neck.

That done, he hopped to his feet and threw his empty weapon at one of the loan-sharks hard enough to impale it. With gritted teeth and glowing red eyes, the old Hound hefted the Jalopy he was using as cover up over his head and threw it at the rest of the gangsters. He had his side arm drawn and put rounds through the heads of those that dodged the ballistic vehicle, precise shots every time.

One shark with a giant overbite diamond tooth remained, and was struggling with a jammed gun as the Old Hound stalked over to him.

"Fuckin-! We was just doin' our jobs! Just our jobs-!"

"Satan dammit, I hate it when you bitches fuckin' cry." The Old Hound growled before he grabbed the shark's jaw in one hand. "Don't you know anything about territory expansion? You always leave a witness alive to spread the message."

"Y-you do?"

"Yes," the older demon said before he smirked. "I'm taking a souvenir for my great-grandpup, that okay with you?"

"Um, y-yes? Su-suuhgh!" The Shark changed its mind as he used his other claw to grab his gold tooth and tugged.

"Wow, what'd they do, screw it in?" The shark nodded and the old hound blinked before he shrugged. "Whelp, sucks for you, then."

One brutal and graphic scene of bastardized dentistry later, and the old hound tapped his collar again while he admired his new trophy.

"Sorry about that, Brat. Was spying on some bitches that thought they could outlast and fluster the Great Jiraiya." The Old Hound, Jiraiya, grinned as he policed his marked shells and started taking photos of his kills to send to the Cleaning Crew. "A few succubi with fat tits got real close to making my knot swell up oh so nice–"

" You're on speaker ya Perverted Old Hound. "

" Hi, Grump!"

"Wari-Wari!" Jiraiya perked up his ears as a wide grin spread across his face and his tail wagged. He quickly shot a twitching shark demon in the head again before he went back to gushing at his great-grandpup. "Guess what? Daddy said you 'n' Grump are gonna have a sleepover tonight!"

" You sonova-! That is not what I fucking said! " His 'boss' snarled while the puppy cheered. The cheering turned into a whine at her father's retort.

" Aww, but Daddy, I wanna have a sleepover with Grump!" Ha-ha! Eat it, brat! Jiraiya was still the favorite!

" In case you forgot, Pickle, you are grounded. "

"There's bound to be a story there," Jiraiya guffawed while his darling grandpup whined. He already knew the gist. Part of the reason he was checking on their properties in Lust was because of what happened to the pup. "So, what did my well-behaved great-grandchild do to get grounded?"

" Rather than call either of us for help, she went to some new company in Pride." Ooh, there's competition in the Ring of the King? Jiraiya didn't know about this, and he was the company's primary intelligence source, so that made him look really fucking bad. " And took twelve bars of gold with her. Twelve! Which meant she ran home, ransacked my safe–"

"I told you that you needed to update it."

" How was I supposed to know she cracked the code?!"

"... Am I in trouble...?"

" No, Pickle, it's just gold." Oh, sure, now he doesn't care. Jiraiya rolled his eyes. That's not the attitude he had four years ago. " Anyway, she ransacked the safe, hauled twelve bars in her backpack up to Pride and dumped it all over these imps' office."

"Imp goons?" Not uncommon fodder, and Imps were like cockroaches. Surprisingly durable and hard to kill if trained right.

" No, it's Imp run and organized. Get this, they only have one hound on staff. The secretary, who doubles as a plant, I'm guessing. "

"Not bad thinking for a small-time company." Jiraiya mused as he rubbed his chin as he walked toward his concealed ride at an underpass nearby. "What's the rest of the setup?"

" Two males, one sniper, the other the head and face. There's one female Imp, but I couldn't get a read on her–"

" Miss Millie's really, really nice for muscle! She reminds me of Uncle Cho, just smaller and not fat!"

" Does she now?" Jiraiya knew that amused tone and shook his head. Naruto was going to repeat that to the Bernard-like Hound's face and wind up on the sour end of a pissed off Obese Rabid Killer. How his knuckleheaded grandson hadn't died yet was anyone's guess. " What's the other ones' names?"

" Blitz, and, uh...Moxie, I think."

Imps to investigate: Millie, Blitz and Moxie. Not common names, shouldn't be too hard to find their information.

"And what do we know about the Hellhound?" he asked.

" I can handle that."

"I can't be efficient if I don't have all the information, Brat." Jiraiya growled. Naruto growled back. What the–? Why would he growl a ' warning' at Jiraiya? The only time he did that was when he introduced–Oh! Ohh. The older Hellhound's growl ended as he grinned. "So...I take it that this secretary is going to moonlight as your hot date, huh?"

" Daddy, you got a date?! " Himawari gasped over the line. " Who with, who with?!"

"... I fucking hate you, Pervy Hound." Naruto growled.

" Is it with Miss Priscilla?" Jiraiya snorted at the question while his grandson choked. Thankfully, his great-grandpup knew not how to stop when she found a trail. " Wait, wait! Is it with Miss Loona! It's with Miss Loona, right?! " Naruto groaned and Himawari gasped. " She's pretty, Daddy! Good pick!"

" We're just getting coffee on Wednesday, Pickle, it doesn't mean anything."

"Getting coffee, eh? Is that what they're calling it now?" He egged on. He burst into laughter when a deep growl came over the line.

" Be at the fucking office at noon, Perv! And you, my troublemaking little Pickle–! C'mere, it's time I ate you and got rid of the problem!"

The joyous squeal that preempted his great-grandpup's laughter made the old hellhound laugh even harder. He had to hang up without another word lest he get too distracted behind the wheel. He turned his engine on and smiled at the picture he had taped to his dash. His not-yet-filled-out grandson was bleeding from all over, his fur matted and torn. The brat was holding Jiraiya's adorable then two-year-old great-grandpup in one arm while the still ever handsome Jiraiya had a proud arm slung around his grandson's shoulders. A large golden belt with the Seal of Satan emblazoned on it hung from the younger Hound's unoccupied shoulder and a blood-soaked, cage-enclosed arena was in the background.

That night was the night his eighteen-year-old grandson won his first million by winning the Coalition of Kings Tournament, a competition that brought bloodthirsty fighters from across Hell to compete to find the strongest non-Goetian and non-Sinner, and he would use that money to start-up the most successful Mercenary Company in Hell to date. It wasn't often that low-class Hellborn were proud to have family, but fuck if Jiriaya wasn't proud to be the brat's grandfather that night.

It was a feeling that continued well into the current day.

AN: Alright, alternating. That's what's happening. I'm alternating. Tomorrow "One Knuckleheaded Glutton", Thursday will be more "Who's That Father?", and Friday ...Friday might be a rest day…

Whatever, thanks for reading!