Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Who's That Father?

Break It Down

(Then: Beelzehaven, Hellhound Heights)

"Himawari Uzumaki, get back here right fuckin' now!" Naruto snarled as he chased his giggling, soaked three year old daughter through their living room.

The day had been a rough one, after a shoddy night of sleep thanks to some good ol' night terrors because it's Hell (obviously), he'd been stuck in meetings with potential clients of the Ars Goetia – sometimes he regretted ever taking Duke Vepar up on his Friend for a Day request, not often, but sometimes; even if the Duke himself wasn't a total asshole and had become a sympathetic shoulder or, dare he say, a friend to the lowly hellhound that was hired, the same couldn't be said of his fellows in the Court of Hell – that kept trying to get him to break his arrangement with Asmodeus. How? They wanted him specifically to breed with some of their trusted or favored She-Hounds.

Which, sure, sex was sex, Naruto wasn't going to say no to that if it was offered to him, but outside of the legal hassle getting the 'okay' for paid procreation from Asmodeus without sacrificing ninety percent of the fucking pay – which was basically why Naruto always claimed the option wasn't available from his company or mercenaries – just fucking with the intent of procreating and then bailing on the puppy to questionable ownership for questionable reasons? Yeah, uh...fuck that. For all he knew, that's how he came into existence and if that was the fucking case, the various Princes, or Princesses, or Dukes, or Duchesses could go fuck themselves with a freshly opened, lava-dipped, sandpaper dildo. It was so satisfying to call Asmodeus into those meetings and allow him to crush their spirits – a request that Asmodeus only asked to be paid back with additional fee reductions for muscle hire down the line. Easily, and happily, done.

Then, just as he thought his terrible day was over, Naruto came home to a puppy that was needlessly wound up by the lackluster sitter that took over for Maureen. The Pack Pup bitch hopped his puppy up on sugar and left her in front of a television playing dubious Beelzebub cartoons while she tried to raid his room, evident by the scratches around the lock on his door and the strain on the wall from something attempting to ram it down. The little bitch was likely looking for his stash of drugs or some extra funds – third drawer in his dresser, hidden in a secret compartment; the switch to open it was beneath a very uncomfortable speedo he owned due to a swimsuit picture that his sly bitch of a P.A. convinced him to wear it in the annual company calendar that thankfully few knew about (one more year of non-profit from it and he can get that shit pulled off their merch site without anyone throwing bitch fits) – but Naruto didn't really care about whether or not she would. He was a Pack Pup once upon a time, he got the reasoning for a lot of shit. What really irked him was that she neglected his Pickle to do that.

Clearly, it was a sign of the Pack Pup being intellectually handicapped because whomst the fuck neglects his puppy?!

It would be the last time he tried to reach outside of his plentiful jar full of trusted 'Aunts and Uncles' he kept at paw's length when his puppy's 'Big Sis' or her Grump wasn't available to watch her. He really hoped Maureen bounced back from whatever bug was going around soon. At least little Virgil was safe with his legal Hellmother, Chase, for the night while the pup's ill mother was doted on at Shika and Cho's since Buster was on an extended Friend for a Day mission in Envy. Introducing Beta Team to Maureen had been the best fucking idea Priscilla had ever had; their shaky dynamic that popped up when Buster was assigned to their then Three-Hound Squad had evaporated once they became Maureen's unofficial safety net and Naruto had never seen Chase take to any Hound as fast as she did Maureen and Virgil. Well, outside of himself and Himawari, but that was another story.

Himawari dipped between the couch and coffee table as Naruto slipped on some of her excess suds for the second time that night. He wasn't able to catch himself this time and hit his head on the arm of the couch when he dropped. It wasn't one of those cushioned arms either, no, it was a modernist style that he had meant to replace but had gotten boggled down by work.

"Fuck!" He snarled, grabbed his head, and glared at the couch arm as if it was sentient enough to have the audacity to attack him. The spurt of anger didn't last when a louder crash came from the kitchen followed by a wail.

"DAD-DEE!"

Shit!

Don't be bleeding, don't be bleeding, don't be bleeding! He thought frantically as he leapt up and raced to his puppy's side. To his relief, there wasn't any bleeding. The flimsy leg of the drying rack that Naruto knew needed to be replaced – a pattern is emerging and if his head wasn't throbbing he would definitely take a keener look at it – had finally broken when the three year old, soaped up rocket that was his pup slid into the counter. The two plates set on the rack from dinner earlier suffered as collateral, both crashed near where Himawari sat sobbing. The noise probably startled her out of her fun more than the impact did, shit, it probably hurt more than the actual impact.

Well, he thought as his hackles and shoulders relaxed, at least she isn't running around getting soap everywhere anymore.

"Oh, Pickle. This why we don't jump out of the fuckin' bath and run around the fuckin house." Naruto sighed as he came over and gathered the wailing puppy into his arms. He nuzzled her head as she buried her face into his neck to sob and whimper. He glanced at the fallen plates as he stroked his trembling Puppy. "Shh, it's okay. You're okay, Pickle. That was really loud, huh? C'mon, baby girl, let's go finish bath time, yeah?"

"Wawi ouchie, Dad-Dee!"

"It was just loud, Sunflower. You'll be fine." He kissed the top of her head as she sniffled and clung to his neck. His paw stroked down her back as they went back to the bathroom. She continued to whimper and whine and he sighed. "You're fine, Himawari. Daddy's gotcha, Pickle. Let's finish your bath and I'll kiss all of your boo boos after, okay?"

(Now: Beelzebub's Mansion)

It was the day after her favorite Chew Toy left. She saw Tex head off ridiculously early with with some skinny, blue-furred vixen that somehow came from her supposedly asexual Shadow's loins. Bee would've been pissed as fuck by the blatant taunt the fucker orchestrated if she wasn't as into the vixen – because sweet fuck was that piece of ass hot; the things Bee would do to that vixen if she had a day of anything goes! – as Tex seemed to be. She moped and sulked for the rest of the day, even checking on the various happy packs of pups didn't lift her spirits, but mercifully, as all things tended to – sans the abstract, immortal and conceptual – the day ended.

Saturday brought a new opportunity, and Bee ignored the remnants of sorrow tainted by the day before as she braced herself for her vengeance. They'd started earlier today at her behest – just before lunch he showed up with a scowl on his muzzle and a dark gleam in those weirdly hot bright blue eyes. Must've had plans he had to cancel. Sucks for him, but bodes well for Bee – and had been at it for three hours already.

He'd already cum once, not ten minutes ago, the thick spunk was drying on her back. He had once more denied her a proper tie. Cheeky fucker. He won't be so cocky once he gets his cum-uppence! ...Hehe, sex pun. She should drop some of those on him when he's cum-atose. First, she needed to get her shit together, figuratively, because he just rolled her into her second favorite position: Doggy.

"That the best you–fuck!" Bee whined as her head was pulled back and her asshole stretched wide around the intruding cock that plunged into it. She sucked at the delicious spicy Vibes of the stud of a Hellhound that pumped into her. His claws tightened their grip on her oscillating hair and tugged her head further back.

"C'mon, Queen Bee, I thought you were going to get me back for last week? I'm not even trying." Her current fuck toy growled into one of her very sensitive ears. She mustered a weak, by her standards anyway, growl back and let one of her hands drift down to slip between her soaked folds. Fuck, she'd spent a week prepping for this with Tex's help! She broke him – almost too easily – why the fuck can't she break the guy he cucked?!

"If you were actually fucking trying, I'd have squirted already!" She sneered. Not untrue, he always caught her off guard during their first tryst. Any position she tried, doubled by her eagerness to win and increased by countless frustration whenever he denied her active involvement, was always swiftly dominated. Now, he seemed a little reserved. Not at his peak. Better for her, but fuck if that wasn't irritating. She wanted to beat him at his fucking best!

"Or maybe the past week you and Tex spent dried you up!" He snarled back. Her eyes went wide before they squeezed shut. A twist inside didn't feel right. Her gut told her tonight was a bust. Her gut was rarely ever wrong. Dammit.

"Stop! Stop."

"Fucking not gonna get me with that shit–!"

"Gubernatorial!" Bee dropped the 'safe word' with a snarl. He stopped on a dime and pulled out, his claws and feet nowhere near her person in a second after. Merciful shit, that was some crazy self-control the fucker had. She would even bitterly admit that she respected him a bit more for it. She huffed as he panted. Her eyes blinked a few times...no, the burning urge was still there. A large hand rested on her lower back.

"You good?"

"Yeah, I'm fi...Fuck. No." Bee groaned into her bed as she flopped onto her stomach. Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit! She had the advantage! He was off his fucking game! She could've fucking won! Fuck! Her chest felt tight and her eyes grew hot. "I don't...I know we made another deal today, but...Can we rain check? Vibes are...fuck, man. My Vibes are off."

"You sure you want to rain check rather than concede or draw today?" He asked. Sly bastard. His paw stroked along her lower back, careful to avoid her wings and the base of them. Fuck, that felt good. It was almost like she was hanging with Satan back before everything went to shit and before he beefed up.

"You ain't getting a technicality that easy, Mr. Anal Fetish." Bee grumbled. He huffed a low, sardonic laugh and patted the back of her thigh. Dammit. Her eyes remained closed as she inhaled the scents in the sheets. She didn't wash them, they had Tex all over them, and she'd hoped – since she got that sweet juicy story about their drunken sexcapade several years back – that it would throw his game off. It probably backfired, since Bee kept huffing the sweet scent of her favorite Hound of this generation while her second choice fucked her face into the sheets.

...Yeah, it backfired. Fuck.

"Fine. We'll rain check." He got off of the bed and started grabbing his shit. "But only if we can meet later, next Saturday. I don't want to make this a regular thing. My pup actually likes eating lunch with me right now."

"...Fuck, you're so weird, Na-Ru-To." Bee sighed. She reluctantly tore herself away from the sheets and scowled at his half-dressed ass – she preferred ogling it with less clothing on, fucked out of her mind and barely coherent enough to register what time it was – as he tried to find his things that she pretty much threw everywhere in her haste to make him her bitch. He gave her a flat stare back as he fastened his holster back in place.

"Are you ever gonna say my name normally or is that stupid inflection sticking around?"

"Haven't decided yet." She admitted with a shrug. One arm lifted from her hip and waved at him. "Go on, enjoy your fucking weekend. I gotta de-funkify myself before next Saturday."

"Well, don't hurt yourself on my account." The bulky fucker scoffed as he pulled his sexy tight shirt on. Goddamned cunt-tease. "If you wanna postpone again, just drop a text. I'm sure you have my number."

"I'll see you at six." Bee smirked as he latched his watch back in place on his wrist, the face turned in. Fuck, this Hellhound was so weird. Hot though and a good hatefuck when she was in the mood. "And not a second later. Or I'll come fuck you wherever it is you are."

"Your threats aren't as funny as you think they are, Bee." Naruto deadpanned as he grabbed his coat. He stopped at the bedroom door and looked back at her, eyes narrowed, brows pinched. There was a faint hint of something mixed with his Blue-Balled Vibe, but the Acceptance and Eagerness around that was distracting. "You sure you're okay?"

"Do you really care?" Bee narrowed her eyes back at him. He arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

"Fuck no." Ass. He sighed and rubbed his neck. "But my puppy does. You're her favorite or whatever, so...I dunno, I'd feel like a total douche if I didn't check and she found out somehow."

"Puppy dog eyes? Yeah, I loved coming up with that shit." Bee smirked. He glared at her.

"Of course you made the fucking bane of parenting."

"...So, fucking weird." Bee shook her head and rolled to her back. One hand lazily lifted and waved at him again. "I'm fine. Give her kisses for me, or bring her around sometime. I got game rooms and shit for a reason."

"Yeah, that's not fucking happening." Ouch. Well, at least he was honest to her about it. Over her many years as Gluttony's Head Bitch In Charge, too many cute pups had been spotted and invited over for a fun chill kids night – because no vibe was better than happy Puppy Vibes – only for them to wait until they grew up. But Bee didn't care about that. Right? Right. Sure. Her new side dish tugged his Jean jacket on and left with a flick of his tail. "Later, Queen Bee."

"Saturday at Six, asshole!" She called after him before he got too far away. Her ear twitched when he shouted back: "Yeah, I fucking heard you!"

Bee smirked but collapsed on her bed with a groan. Fuuuck. What the fuck was wrong with her?!

"It's not because of Tex." Bee said to herself, because she was alone. Again. She rolled to her side and grabbed the pillow that sat in the space he last slept in. A deep whiff in...she groaned. "Fuck me. It's because of Vortex."

She needed a distraction, something that wouldn't remind her of Tex for at least a day.

"...I could go make some honey out of the dried splooge on my back..."

It was better than lying around moping and she had wanted to see if she could crack what made Garmr and the Fucktail Fox so fucking special.

Sure, why not?

(Pride, Buckzo Apartment)

He'd spent a better portion of the past two days psychologically and physically torturing one Crimson Knolastname to near insanity. The only reason he let the Crime Lord live was to serve as a warning, a bastion, to the other inhabitants of Greed and to keep a power vacuum from filling the hole his death would leave. Sure, it was a liability, but he'd planned for that and with Shikamaru's aid, they got the little fucker sworn into Naruto's horde – how's that for some fucking irony? – to keep him in line. He'd have to claw and scratch his way back into decent funding, but now he had a constant subliminal nudge to listen to and obey Naruto's orders. Something the Hellhound had absolutely no problem with abusing.

Once that was done and the tormented, freshly enslaved crime lord was put back into his little slice of Greed, the Founder of Wild Things Facilitated was almost too drained to deal with his own 'master'. Some kind of neutral deity or maybe even a talented higher demon seemed to be watching out for him, though, since he had miraculously gotten the good fortune to have his day granted back to him by Queen Bee's weird deferral.

With this reprieve, Naruto decided the best course of action would be to zip over to Pride to surprise his puppy – who was under the impression he was on a mission, which while rarer now than it was even a year ago, it wasn't absolutely unheard of – and fired a text to his girlfriend to give her a heads up. While he was ecstatic Loona didn't want to give him more shit for asking her to watch Himawari, her brief, single word response to his warning made him wary of a possible fight on the horizon. They had similar backgrounds, so he had an idea why they would fight about this, but he didn't want to assume anything.

Still, walking up to the apartment his girlfriend and her father – who was mercifully out on a mandatory hookup with their sponsor; Naruto had never been happier none of his had asked for something like that, likely due to his low status in the overall hierarchy of Hell – he was hyper aware of the leers sent his way by the inhabitants of Pride. Going into the complex didn't exactly dissuade them from happening either. Knocking on the door – with a handmade sign that, although looked like it was crafted by a toddler with all the colors and misspellings abound, managed to read as 'Blitzø & Luuna' – the excited pitter-patter of tiny paws had his tail start to wag.

"Mr. Bli–? Daddy!" His puppy's gasp had him grinning as he snatched her up.

"Pickle!" Their noses pressed together as their tails wagged.

"You had a mission!"

"Got canceled." He shrugged and kissed her cheek before he hugged her again. "Hate it when they waste my time like that. How's your day been?"

"So fun!" She yipped as she squirmed out of his hug and tugged his claws once her feet hit the floor. "Come look at what me and Miss Loona made!"

"Hang on, Pickle. This place was definitely not made for me." Naruto chuckled as he hunched down to fit into the small apartment entrance and he squat-walked his way over to the small kitchen where his girlfriend was. Still a bit slouched, his pup ran ahead of him to the oven which allowed him to wrap his arms around Loona from behind as she finished taking pictures of the 'pup-cakes' sitting on the counter. He kissed her neck to abate the growl that started to pick up. "Those look as good as they smell."

"We had extra shit laying around and Blitzø was going to forget about it by the time it spoiled. I did the best–"

"I'm not critiquing, Loo, I'm praising." He muttered into her neck. A swift and soft nip just above her collar got her tail to do that adorable little tip-waggle into his thigh. He smiled as his Puppy crouched down to look into the oven that held another batch of goods. They really did smell good and he had worked up a bit of an appetite during his three hours at Bee's place. "Photogenic and edible, I hope?"

"We'll see if they're edible once I get these fucking pictures taken, so don't touch a single fucking one." Loona warned even as she leaned into his embrace. He let her snuggle in and watched her make her posts, careful and second guessing her words with each one. Eye for photography and enough awareness to manage social media, she was criminally limited with her choice of career, but she was happy so Naruto wouldn't butt in. The last time he did that with a potential partner...Well, it was part of the reason he and Rox didn't work out. "You gonna take the squirt with you once they're done?"

"Kicking me out already? I thought we'd have a slumber party." He teased her. Another nip at her neck had her making a different kind of growl and he rumbled low in return. "Still gotta put notches in your bed posts to compare."

"There's a puppy present." Loona mumbled back as her tail swayed into his leg. He smirked and kissed her cheek before he looked her in the eyes.

"Wouldn't be the first time she slept through a romp."

"Sweet fuck," Loona blinked. She let her eyes go half lidded as her tail's swish started to match pace with his own. The different kind of growl got just a little bit louder. "You're such a fuckin' bad dad."

"Libel and slander." He growled back as their noses touched. He knew it was a tease, the infliction on her words and her slight shift in scent told him as much. He racked his brain, wondering how he could get an hour or two for them to christen her bed without cuing his daughter in and scarring her for life, let alone give her a daddy complex.

Or worse: a fetish.

..What? Naruto's lived in Hell for his whole life, and on its streets at that. He's seen some seriously fucked up shit. He did not want to be even remotely responsible for his Puppy going after Hounds twice her age once she hit puberty.

"Cookies are done!" Himawari chirped, snapping them from their little bout of flirting (and saving him from going further down that dark rabbit hole).

Naruto smirked and pulled away to let his girlfriend resume control of the situation. Not for any bullshit, outdated misogynistic reason, but because not only was it her space he and his Puppy were guests in – her den, territory, etc; unlike some friends he could name (CoughVortexCough), Naruto had a healthy respect for the boundaries of separation and ownership between Hounds – it was also that he was a little uncomfortable crouching where he was, and the kitchen had a questionable light fixture that would likely fall if he so much as breathed in it wrong. He backed up to lean against the couch. He smirked and pulled his phone out to record the two She-Hounds as they decorated and prepped this second batch of treats, his puppy's giggles and his girlfriend's smile made his tail wag slightly.

"This is definitely going on Sinstagram." He chuckled.

A dollop of white icing landed sharply on his muzzle and he yelped. High velocity sugar was never anything to joke about in combat, he should know; he was a practitioner of impromptu weaponry. Blue eyes scanned the other two Hounds in the apartment, and sure enough, Loona was the one glaring at him. Rather than confront the giggling Pickle standing beside her, he glared back as he wiped the icing off of his muzzle.

"Loona." He growled. "What the fuck was that for?!"

"You have a Sinstagram?!"

"Yes?"

It was kind of an unwritten rule that most high profile demons needed one. He barely used his, the last time he did was to, uh, oof, right; to post footage from his pup's fourth birthday party. At the Beelzebub Bounce whatever, where he got amazing footage of Vortex and Shikamaru eating the floor after Kodiak double bounced them. ...what? His employees were a bunch of wild puppies when left unattended and that was grade A material! It had like thirty likes last he checked.

"You wanna fuckin' share what it is with your fucking girlfriend sometime today?"

"...Honestly? Not with that attitude." Naruto crossed his arms. He glanced at his Puppy, whose giggles dwindled as tension rose. Loona seemed to notice this, too, and wordlessly handed her the icing knife.

"Go nuts, Squirt. Don't make too much of a mess." She warned, and seeing his puppy beam at Loona like she put the fucking stars in the night sky made him want to snap another picture. Which, of course, he would absolutely do if said girlfriend didn't march over to growl at him in his face. "Naruto."

"Loona, I barely use it–"

"Don't care. Handle. Now."

"You are blowing this way out of proportion."

"Merciless Lucifer–! I'm not asking for the soul of your fucking firstborn, just tell me your fucking Sinstagram handle, jackass," she growled at him. He leaned down and narrowed his eyes.

"Or else what? You're gonna withhold sex? Newsflash, Loo, I'm not a Lust demon." He growled back. Her growl started to rise and he almost matched it when he glanced at Himawari, who looked their way in between strokes of icing. She looked about ready to cry and Naruto felt like such an ass. He'd already canceled their lunch plans and now he was ruining a fun activity she and Loona were in the midst of. He looked back at his girlfriend and dropped back on the hostility as he tilted his head a bit. "Why do you want to know it so badly?"

"Why?! Seriou– Because you're my boyfriend, dumbass!"

"Stop. Fucking. Yelling." He kept the quick growl low and let his eyeshine flare. She snarled and matched the gesture until he made a pointed glance at his watching Pup. Loona seemed to get the message and both of them let their hackles fall. "That's it?"

"That's not a fucking good enough reason?" Loona asked with a curled lip.

"It's a good reason," he conceded and frowned. He pointed at the residual icing on his face and let his eye twitch. "It's not good enough for this kind of reaction. Or to throw shit at my face."

"What am I supposed to do? Throw the knife instead?"

"Anti-Christ...This is a serious conversation we should save for later – not the Sinstagram thing!" He added hurriedly when he saw her muzzle crinkle in an early near-snarl. He unfolded his arms and, keeping their eyes locked, gently reached out to take her paw in his. His thumb ran along the back of her hand and he guided her a bit closer to rub his muzzle against hers. Their tension slowly bled away and he spoke in a low rumble. "My handle is BluEyesWTF."

"...That...Doesn't sound like something you'd come up with," she muttered.

"Well, RawmenFuqr69 was taken." He rolled his eyes when she snorted. He dropped his voice low to ensure Himawari didn't hear him. "My ex came up with it back when I started pit fighting. We were playing off my old street name to build hype."

"Oh." The smaller She-Hound twined her claws with his. "And you didn't change it because–?"

"It was a small brand at that point. Pit officials and Packs knew me as Blue Eyes." Naruto admitted with a huff and a sardonic smirk. "The Hounds that didn't get the fucking memo were lucky I didn't compete in the Hangman Bracket."

"Why not?" Loona asked, brow furrowed. Naruto glanced at his puppy again and she followed his gaze. Her shoulders dropped a bit. "Oh. Right."

"Yeah." Death Match fighting was fun and all, and paid serious cash to victors, but it was meant for fighters who had nothing to lose or testosterone riddled dumbasses who didn't know anything outside of fighting and fucking. Naruto wasn't one of those fighters. Himawari felt their eyes on her and looked up. Her tail started to wag slightly.

"Daddy, Miss Loona, did you want to ice any of these?" she asked.

"Ice, no. Eat? Yes." Naruto grunted when Loona absently and lightly pinched his hand. "Ow."

"Grow the fuck up." The monochromatic She-Hound huffed before she pulled away from him and rejoined Himawari at the counter. "Scootch over, Squirt and hand me some of that Devil's Chocolate icing. I want to see if I can make this one look like we dug it up."

Naruto looked back down at his phone and uploaded the photos, then watched them continue with crossed arms.

"So, uh, where's Blitzø at, anyway?"

"Gimme that spoon, Squirt, and get a pinch of the cocoa powder ready. He's probably reaming our Sponsor a new one. Can't wait to fuckin' hear about that tomorrow." Loona grumbled. Gross, but convenient. "Why do you ask?"

"Well...are you open to a sleepover?" Naruto asked, grinning at his girlfriend. Himawari gasped and looked up at the older She-Hound with wide pleading eyes. Loona visibly started and he snorted. This was going to be great.

"Can we?! Can we, Miss Loona?! Please please please please please please?!" the puppy took a deep breath, interlocked her paws together and made her eyes go really wide and starry. "Pleeeeeeeease?!"

Thank you for your timely assistance, Pickle, you brilliant little puppy, you. He took pictures of his girlfriend's first encounter with the dreaded Puppy Dog Pout. And now his blackmail folder was complete. He chuckled as he watched Himawari plead and pout and whine until Loona, overwhelmed by the pup's persistence, relented. She glared at him as his Pickle wrapped her into another tight hug.

'You owe me,' she mouthed and made a quick glance to the door that had her name on it. Well, if she was gonna be so subtle about it...That was a debt he would happily settle anytime she asked.

'Sure.' Naruto winked back at her. He felt his tail wag and watched hers do the same before it picked up as she focused on his Puppy. The smile on his face, though not showing any of his teeth, could be called blinding. Yeah, this She-Hound might be the one for him and his puppy.

(Pride, Prince Stolas' Mansion)

"Ha! Hoo! Fuck me!" Blitzø panted and sighed as he rolled off to the side of the lavish bed they'd tarnished. "Shit-biscuits."

"Mm, indeed. Water?" The Royal Bird asked once he got the ball gag out of his mouth. Quite the impressive feat, considering his hands were still bound and Blitzø was eighty-five percent sure he tightened that gag as much as he could.

"Fuck, yes. I'm outta spit here and the rod is starting to feel raw."

"For the last time, you don't have to use spit, Blitzy. I have lubricant on hand, purchased straight from Lord Asmodeus' own stock." Stolas sighed as his feet kicked open a cooler and, with those same feet, he pulled a plastic water bottle out to toss back to the Imp. Blitzø caught the bottle, cracked the top off and guzzled it down.

"Bitch, you want me to fuck you, right? Because I'll fuck you so good, your weird-ass feet will feel it! But when I do, I'll do it my way," the imp said with a huff as he finished his bottle and tossed it aside. "I got a lot of fucking stress to work out. Between your needy ass, this weird job request we got a few days back, and then my Loony's strange obsession with a roid-gobbling monster and his puppy–!"

"Oh, yes, I did see that news report about your recent ban from the Beelzehaven Pup Park...Something about aggravated assault?"

"Hey, that fucker at the gate started it. If he'd just let me through after I told him who I was with, there wouldn't have been a fucking need to strangle him with the microphone!"

"...Yes, erm, Blitzy? Pardon my inquiry, but you do realize that places of business such as that require groups to enter altogether for a reason, yes?"

"Because they're fucking cash sticklers, I know."

"Well, no...it's to dissuade abductors from targeting it...And your approach...didn't sound like a concerned father."

"Riiight." Blitzø rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Because you would fucking know. How's your fucking kid, by the way? Still a bundle of gloom and doom?"

"Point." Stolas sighed. "But at least I listen to my daughter. If she were interested in a partner, I'd at least take an effort to not make an enemy of him off the bat."

"...The fucker punted me into a car, Stolas!"

"After you insulted his child."

"That had nothing to do with it–!"

"That was entirely the semantics driving his assault on your person. Both times, I believe. And the first time he left you with literal bars of gold, did he not?"

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Perhaps, Blitzy," Stolas leaned into his face with a smirk. "You should stop complaining that your daughter used her erm, sex appeal to find a wealthy partner. After all, where do you think she learned it from?"

"Yeah, I knew I should have limited her time with the fucking television." Blitzø scowled and worked his jaw before he shook his head. Doing so caused him to miss the way Stolas pursed his lips. He clapped his hands together and then on his cheeks. "Alright, that's enough bed talk, get back on your fuckin' knees."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

(Pride, Buckzo Apartment)

Loona didn't want to admit it, but this Saturday night was shaping out to be the best one she'd had in a long fucking time. She and the Squirt finished prepping their cookies, and she got her pictures of them added to her Sinstagram, with the puppy's help arranging them for photographic purposes. Naruto ordered some pizza to be delivered and helped her rearrange the living room – Blitzø's claimed room nine nights out of ten, since he was generally too drunk to get back to his actual room – so they could sit comfortably. Well, more so that he could sit on it comfortably. Fuck, her boyfriend was huge – that could be interpreted however someone wanted, Loona knows what she meant – he was also cozy and warm. She leaned into his side as one of his arms draped loosely over her shoulders, his plate with half the Meat Luster's pie balanced on his knee as he scanned the moderately decent cable set up Blitzø splurged his gold brick payments on.

"So, our options are whatever's playing on the stations–?"

"It's Pride, babe. Public Access is all we fucking get outside of Slay Per View." Loona said with a grunt as she wrangled the giggling and squirming puppy into her lap. She pushed her nose down to the pup's ear and growled at her. "Squirt, if you make me drop my pizza on the couch, you get to clean it up."

"I'm just so excited! I haven't had a sleepover in forever!"

"I spent the night at your place last week." Loona deadpanned. Naruto snorted and she gave him a sidelong glare. He still owed her big time for the last bout of babysitting, so he should fucking behave himself. Especially after that bullshit fight with his Sinstagram, but given who set it up, his heated defense of it made more sense in hindsight, but the principle of the fucking thing still counted, dammit! She'd just have to help him rename it, sometime later maybe. CreaMuzzlDumbass3 sounded promising to her and told her exactly how she wanted him to start tonight's 'festivities' off, if and when they happened.

"That's not the same.." Squirt huffed. Loona rolled her eyes. The puppy definitely had her father's theatrics down. She craned her head back to look up at Loona, almost dropping her pizza as her body followed, had her father not caught the plate between his claws to keep it steady. "You and Daddy had your sleepover alone and I still had my cast on!"

"Speaking of, how's your arm?" Loona asked as Naruto kept flipping through channels. She caught the quick flash of teeth he bared at being reminded of her injury. Yeesh, she hated to see how he'd react if she really got hurt. Or puppy snatched – a burning, almost acidic feeling of Wrath suddenly welled in Loona's chest until she stamped it down. Probably for the best if I don't think about that.

"It's fine!" Himawari frowned at the arm. "Tingles a bit, but doesn't hurt."

"Remind me to get her some light weights to use." Naruto muttered. Before she could ask why the fuck a five year old would need weights for her freshly healed arm, his ears perked up and he grinned. "Hey, cool. Wicked Scary is available on Slay-Per-View."

"If you shell the cash for it, I won't complain." Loona shrugged. She hadn't seen that film in years.

"What's Wicked Scary?" The Puppy asked.

"It's a dumb comedy from our childhood." Loona answered. Naruto whipped his head to look at her. She arched her brow at the look of disbelief he sent her way. "What?"

"Dumb?! Excuse you, but this is human horror parody at its finest," her boyfriend said with a mock glare aimed her way. "Maw Crooks is the only fucking credible director, shit, he's the only credible Demon to come out of Greed."

"Eh, it's alright." Loona shrugged. Personally, she didn't get the jokes back then. She might now, but seeing her boyfriend get huffy and passionate about something other than his puppy was kind of adorable. And maybe if she pushed his buttons juuust enough, she might get a really fun ride later. "But at least now I know why most of your jokes fall flat."

"...We're watching this. Pickle, pay attention to the cinematic gold on the screen. Loo, if I see your phone, I'm taking it." Naruto growled. She smirked and nipped his chin.

"Feel free to try." She teased him and he growled back at her.

"Shh! It's starting!" Himawari shushed them, the little television addict. She missed two bites of her pizza, but got a good mouthful on the third attempt. Loona snorted and shifted a bit more to relax on her boyfriend's comfortable shoulder.

Argument aside? This Saturday was going to be one she remembered for a long time.

AN: I just want to – Don't shush me, Steve! We can rewind the movie geez! – I just want to thank my bud Engineer4Ever for his help on this one. Yeah, yeah alright!

I gotta go, Steve really wants to watch Wicked Scary V: The Scareturning of Wickedness and he's giving me this look…

Thanks for reading!