There's Always a Bigger Foot (Worm / Dungeon Crawler Carl)
Author's Note: Sorry in advance for all the bolding, I wanted to adhere to the DCC format for consistency.
New Achievement! Interdimensional Fuckup!
I manage a lot of portals, of all different sorts. They might all look more or less the same from the outside, if they can be seen at all, but that's an illusion. One of my crawlers knows what I'm talking about! Portals come in all shapes, sizes, and configurations. But I've never seen a portal like this one before, and because of that you have my undivided attention.
Reward: My undivided attention, and a temporary connection to the system so I can tell you this directly!
New Achievement! Out of Left Field!
You're not supposed to open portals into the dungeon from outside without high-level permissions, but as it turns out I don't have to stop you! You're a resident of Earth, just not my Earth. Didn't know that was possible. Do you know how many high-and-mighty types are shitting themselves right now, watching me investigate this? More than you can imagine. They were already shitting themselves for unrelated reasons, mind you, but now they're doing their best to reinvent dysentery out of pure anxiety.
Reward: I won't be shutting this portal! In fact, I'm going to keep it open. Don't try and close it.
New Achievement! Alternate History!
Wow, you people suck. How did you turn a cluster of Earths with literal superheroes into such a sad sack? Your internet is even sadder than the one that used to exist on my Earth, and most of your humans are already one bad day away from suicide. For every entertaining superhero or supervillain, you have a hundred wastes of space.
Reward: Something tangible now, since my influence is rapidly spreading. Earth is Earth, as far as certain mechanisms at my core are concerned. You've received an 'Introduction to Earth Dungeon' pamphlet to get you up to speed!
New Achievement! Talent Acquisition!
I don't know if you know this, but being creative is hard. Also, I have a job to do back on my Earth. Now, as much as I would like to I don't think it would be a good idea to induct every single occupant of your Earths (Aleph too, I see them through your portals!) into the dungeon. Way too many people, and the game's already well underway.
Instead, what I'm going to do is pick my favorites. I have to make bosses somehow, and while I've been enjoying making them from scratch recently you're providing so much inspiration right now. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I think theft is even more sincere. I like your monstrosities so much I'm taking them.
Reward: I just told you. I'm taking some of your most despicable examples of humanity to mold into horrible boss monsters in my world. How can I do that, you might wonder? If you have to ask you're not technologically advanced enough to understand the answer. You've received a List of Seized Individuals.
New Achievement! Shadowy Cabal!
You, specifically, are on top of the world. If it could be said that one individual ruled your Earth, it would be said about… someone else. But we both know it's you. That's why you're getting these achievements, and why I haven't picked you up for my dungeon innovating. Somebody needs to manage the shitshow over there, and I'm not going to do it.
Also, your power is incredibly boring. I like my games with some chance, thank you very much, so I would have to strip you of your power and that would make you even more boring.
In the meantime, congratulations! There's nowhere to go but down. Or you could try and conquer my galaxy, I'd love to see that. I'll even let you through the portal if you want to have a go at it. You'll die instantly, of course, because your power is bullshit and the powers that be would whine way too much for me to ignore at this time, but I'll let you try with as much of a chance as you give your non-Endbringer enemies.
Reward: A standing offer to immigrate to a much worse galaxy. You think you've got it bad? Come over here and see how brown the grass is on the other side.
New Achievement! Trojan Horse!
What the hell is Scion, anyway? I had to banish him to the Nothing, and you'd better believe I didn't know I could do that before today. I'm going to have to tell Carl not to use the Gate of Feral Gods anymore, and that really sucks because he was causing so much beautiful chaos with it.
I blame you for this. You didn't commit your knowledge of Scion's true nature to your internet, so I didn't notice until he was in my dimension. He dragged his entire real body with him. For those who say buyer beware, I say shut up. I didn't pay for him.
Reward: Nothing. Bitch. Freedom of information is good for everyone!
New Achievement! A Gnat in God's Eye!
That tickled. Don't do it again.
Reward: I'm closing the portal for now. If I need to borrow any more nightmare fuel or just feel bored, I'll be in touch. Don't get too comfortable over there. I know where you live.
Contessa didn't know what had just happened, but looking through the ordinary-looking reading materials she had been given, she knew that she'd made a huge mistake. The Entities had locked away certain dimensions for a reason, and it wasn't the one she'd hoped.
There was always a bigger–
New Achievement! Pornography Store!
Just popping back in to copy a certain chunk of your internet. Your societies have cultivated a very nice collection of foot-centric media.
Reward: I'll send you the best ones.
– foot.
Author's Note: I'm not sorry.
Also, I do want to do a more thorough crossover with Dungeon Crawler Carl in the future, but the settings are HARD to believably integrate in ways that facilitate a good story and it's not super high on my priority list. This was fun to write in the meantime.