Allison opened her door to let Ellie in, "Ellie what's wrong?"
"Aaron dumped me," Ellie sobbed.
"What happened," Allison asked.
"Is Asher home," Ellie blubbered.
"He's playing basketball," Allison said, "Ev is having a sleep over with Khitam."
"Nisha has both little girls," Ellie asked.
"She does," Allison confirmed, "so tea and you'll tell me what happened?"
"Aaron said it's over," Ellie sobbed.
"Ellie," Allison sighed, pulling her cousin into a hug, "what happened?"
"I," Ellie started.
"You what," Allison asked, "El you can tell me anything. I'm already the family screw up right. I'm sure whatever you did is not getting pregnant at 17."
"What if I am," Ellie asked.
"Why do you think that," Allison asked.
"I had a sleepover with Aaron then he dumped me," Ellie sobbed.
"Did you have sex," Allison asked.
"Yes," Ellie whispered.
"Are you on any sort of birth control," Allison asked.
"No," Ellie replied, "I didn't plan it. We were kissing and touching and it just happened."
"Did you use a condom," Allison asked.
"Yes," Ellie replied, "but he didn't want to."
"That's not his choice to make," Allison said, "did he keep it on?"
"I think so," Ellie replied.
"How long ago," Allison asked.
"Yesterday," Ellie cried.
"And when was your last period," Allison questioned, this wasn't the first time she had talked someone through this.
"A month ago," Ellie said, "I should get it tomorrow or sunday."
"Okay," Allison said, "then it's unlikely based on that if you don't get it and it's about a week late you take a test. Ellie you used protection and are close to getting your period, you're fine."
"But I love him," Ellie sobbed.
"He's a jerk," Allison said, "when Ash and I came up for my interview he wouldn't talk to me. He talked down to Ash. I'm glad we didn't bring Ev. Ellie, you can do better."
"But I like him," Ellie bawled.
"I know you do," Allison said.
"Was that supposed to hurt," Ellie asked suddenly.
"It shouldn't hurt," Allison said, "the first time wasn't comfortable."
"Your first," Ellie asked.
"Ash," Allison said.
"You do," Ellie asked.
"We do," Allison confirmed, "in a relationship it's good, it's healthy, we love each other and communicate. We know what the other likes."
"I feel dirty," Ellie whispered, "a shower didn't help."
"It doesn't," Allison said, "the first time I felt so dirty I stood in a hot shower for over an hour."
"What did you do," Ellie asked.
"I started therapy," Allison said, "Ellie I don't know if you know but I fight with depression. I talked to my therapist about it. Then I found out I was pregnant."
"Were you and Asher dating," Ellie asked.
"No," Allison replied, "I felt so dirty and ashamed. I couldn't tell anyone."
"How did I believe him," Ellie asked, "he said he loved me."
"I did it too," Allison said, "I believed that he liked me. That he wanted me. But we weren't ready. El you're still 17."
"It hurt," Ellie said.
"The first couple times did," Allison said, "the second time was better because we had spent almost a year getting to know each other by that point and building up to it. Go slow."
"Almost a year," Ellie asked.
"I wasn't ready then when I knew I loved and trusted him I felt so massive and unattractive that I didn't want to, then we had to wait after Everly was born and it took months for me to feel attractive again. Then one night we were making out and it happened."
"But everyone at school," Ellie said.
"People talk," Allison said, "I know a few of my friends that talk about it haven't because they've all come to me to ask if they're ready. If you have to ask you aren't."
"I wasn't," Ellie said, "but it kinda felt good until that."
"It should feel good," Allison said, "it should feel really good."
"But," Ellie said, "mom never."
"Your mom is the family prude," Allison said, "it's Uncle Dan and Leslie's fault. Know and trust him."
"What if," Ellie asked.
"They you decide what you want to do," Allison said, "you can always talk to me and theres options."
"Options," Ellie asked.
Allison replied, "terminate, adoption, keep. It's all your choice, you're the only one who can decide."
"My mom," Ellie asked.
"I told her first," Allison said, "she was really loving and supportive. They might encourage you to transfer to UW so you have family around but they'll love and support you what ever you choose. Your mom freaks then thinks. Annie just has to be allowed to flip first."
"She does," Ellie said.
"You feeling a bit better talking about it," Allison asked.
"A bit," Ellie said, "how do I stop feeling dirty?"
"Forgive yourself," Allison said, "Ellie before that were you having fun?"
"Yes," Ellie agreed, "I liked everything up until the actual."
"I get that," Allison agreed, "take your time. Enjoy that part."
"But that," Ellie said, " actually, does it get better?"
"It does," Allison assured, "with time and experience and knowing each other. The better you know each other the better it is."
"How do I get Aaron back," Ellie asked.
"You don't," Allison said, "if he didn't respect you enough to stay together after you gave him your virginity you don't want be with him."
"Did he use me," Ellie asked.
"Maybe," Allison said, "he didn't respect you when we met him for my UBC interview."
"Did you get it," Ellie asked.
"No," Allison replied, "I'm a mom. Med schools don't like teenage moms."
"But you're 22," Ellie said.
"But I was 18 and in highschool," Allison said.
"I want to see her," Ellie said, "I need Ellie hugs."
"Tomorrow," Allison said, "you're still okay to come dress shopping?"
"I want to," Ellie said, "who's going?"
"My mom, you, Cat, Ava, Eden," Allison said, "your mom might come, it depends on if your dad is in surgery."
"Do you know what you want," Ellie asked.
"Strapless," Allison said, "straight skirt, I'm not a poofy princess dress girl."
"Bridesmaids," Ellie asked.
"Sky Blue, knee length," Allison said.
"And you're really having it in the backyard," Ellie asked.
"Yes, so my garden has to be perfect this year," Allison said, "we have lots of sun flowers to go in and I've been feeding the hydrangeas Aluminium Sulphide to make them really blue. It's all going to be blue and yellow."
"Everly," Ellie asked.
"White flower girl dress and we're practising in little flats," Allison said, "we'll use the walker and then her and I can decorate it with sunflowers and hydrangeas like in the bouquets."
"Is it what you want," Ellie asked.
"It is," Allison said, "Asher and I. Our family."
"His family," Ellie asked.
"Except for Renee are coming," Allison said, "but Opa is doing the wedding. We want a pastor even though we hardly actually go to church."
"I haven't been," Ellie said, "too busy."
"Exactly," Allison agreed, "El you still don't look okay. Have you eaten?"
"Yes," Ellie said, "mom made fajitas."
"Better than finishing up the leftovers," Allison said.
"I like leftovers now," Ellie said.
"How's dorms," Allison asked.
"Great and strange at the same time," Ellie said.
"Strange how," Allison asked.
"My roommate will come in, pee or brush her teeth while I'm in the shower," Ellie said, "it's weird."
"Lock the door," Allison said, "I have to lock a certain little human out so I can shower in peace."
"She tries to follow you into the shower," Ellie asked.
"Mommy look at this," Allison laughed, "mommy I drew you a picture."
"Can she be unsupervised," Ellie asked, "you like to hover."
"She can," Allison said, "she doesn't like it. But the worst she's done is dump the water out of the water table."
"Why is that inside," Ellie asked.
"I have it full of water beads and sea animals right now," Allison said, "it gets her standing without her walker or crutches. I'm trying to get her standing more. Tricking with things she likes."
"She was doing good at the cabin," Ellie said.
"She was," Allison said, "she likes the snow and it's a soft landing."
"Allie if I am," Ellie said.
"Then you call me and we talk," Allison said, "and we will all love you."
"But," Ellie said.
"Did anyone stop loving me," Allison asked, "they pushed me to grow up faster and in some ways I grew up too fast. And it's hard, it's lonely. Sometimes I only really have Ash that fully understands. I love Ava and she tries so hard and is the best friend I could ever want but she's not doing the same things. I want to go clubbing just once, but I can't dance with just anyone or come home drunk, I've stayed out all night once since Ev was born."
"You're having a bachelorette," Ellie said, "we're going to Whibey island. Would you be pissed if Cat and I had a few drinks?"
"Can I think about it," Allison said.
"If we get it on our own," Ellie asked.
"Maybe," Allison agreed.
"Cat knows someone," Ellie said.
"She has a fake ID," Allison replied.
"So do I," Ellie said, "I've only tried it at pubs on campus but it's fun."
"Be smart," Allison said, "you know I was drunk the night."
"I know," Ellie said, "one or two?"
"So like 4," Allison teased.
"Like you don't," Ellie replied.
"I can't," Allison said, "I've tried once at a girls night at Ava's with some friends from school but I didn't like it. I almost called Ash to come get me but mom and dad were out of town so he would have had to wake up Ev. I was up at 7 anyway and rushed home to make Ev breakfast and take her to swimming lessons. "
"You go to sleep overs," Ellie asked.
"I did once a few weeks ago for Ava's birthday," Allison said, "first time since the night before my baby shower I have. It was fun for a bit to just be with a group of girls and have a few drinks and not worry about Ev but it also felt wrong. I missed her and not knowing how she was. My life has revolved around her since I was 17."
"Do you ever wonder," Ellie asked.
"Sometimes but I try not to let myself," Allison replied, "I chose Everly."
"Is it what you expected," Ellie asked.
"No," Allison said, "I don't know what I expected but it's good."
"College," Ellie asked.
"Harder and busier," Allison said, "I've tried to do too much a lot of the time."
"Can you do it," Ellie asked.
"I have and I'll do med school," Allison said, "I can do this. It's not always totally fair to Ev but."
"She should see you get your education," Ellie said, "but you and Asher?"
"We're good," Allison said, "it's right."
"Did you date anyone else before," Ellie asked.
"No," Allison said, "just Ash. I don't care if that makes me sheltered or nieve or limited. I love him and we've grown up together. We didn't have to stay together, we chose each other and we chose to fight for each other."
"Will anyone ever like me," Ellie asked, "really like me not just try to get me in bed?"
"Yes," Allison assured, "you will meet someone. Ellie there is someone out there you just have to meet him."
"Do you believe in soul mates," Ellie asked.
"I don't know if it's that simple," Allison said, "my parents married other people first and were friends. None of my friends seem to have found soul mates. But I'm 22."
"But do they exist," Ellie asked.
"I think there are people you connect with more than others," Allison said, "your very best friend. My mom has always said dad is her best friend and Nee says the same about Josh."
"She calls dad her person," Ellie said.
"I think I believe in that idea," Allison said, "your person."
"I don't have one of those either," Ellie said.
"Asher," Allison said.
"Every couple I know has something weird they do," Ellie said, "do you?"
"Not that I can think of," Allison said, "when we started dating and I was pregnant it was him rubbing my belly to bond with Ev. He'll come and start massaging my neck and shoulders while I study but that's about it. Eden and Jonah are weird, always way too physical especially if one of them has had a couple drinks."
Allison's phone went off, "Nisha is everything okay?"
"Everly is in a lot of pain," Nisha said, "I tried a warm bath already when I gave both girls a bath. Do you want me to give her anything?"
"I'll come get her," Allison said.
"Your night," Nisha said.
"It's Ellie," Allison replied, "Ev needs me. What is she doing?"
"She's sobbing and any time I touch her legs screaming ouch and no," Nisha said, "Faroke has her and a glass of milk seems to be redirecting her. Can we give her pain meds?"
"She can have tylenol," Allison said, "but if she's sobbing and I can hear her she needs to come home."
"Do you want to talk to her," Nisha asked.
"No," Allison said, "she'll cry harder. I'll grab shoes and come."
"Do I give her a dose or not," Nisha asked.
"Please give her some," Allison replied, " and tell her I'm coming. She's 30 pounds for dosing, I'd have to check the look."
"Can I do anything," Ellie asked when Allison hung up.
"If you could throw a pair of her jammies and her blanket in the dryer it helps," Allison said.
"Do you want me to stay," Ellie asked.
"Your call," Allison said, "once I get her home it'll take me half an hour to resettle her."
"I'll go see grandma and text me when you're ready for me to come back," Ellie said, "your dryer is empty?"
"It is," Allison replied, "if it isn't just put it on the floor in front and I'll deal with it later."