After singing happy birthday to Calvin I'm pretty ready to go home.
Everyone else actually wants to stay, they're a little drunk now to be honest, everyone except me and Cappie… and Dale. So getting home might be a little tougher for them.
But for me, Cappie offered to walk back and get my car from Rusty's apartment complex, bringing it as close as possible to pick me up here at Doblers. Luckily he had actually only had one shot tonight over an hour ago so he was okay to drive. He hadn't been able to drink any more after the one shot because, of course, all hell broke loose shortly after. I offered to just go with him but he really won't let me, he keeps telling me that it'd only more slippery out there than it was when we had walked here.
So here I stayed here at Doblers. And a part of me, well a big part of me actually, was really thankful for him, and really happy that I didn't have to go back out into the freezing cold right now. It was these kind of things that I feel like people often missed about Cappie, that they glossed over and dismissed about him, how undeniably sweet and caring he was.
"Case!", Rebecca lets out with a laugh and then downs another shot. "Looks like your boyfriends back!"
A very drunk Rebecca gestures to the door where I can see Cappie dredging through the snow a few metres away from the door to Doblers.
"Not just her boyfriend, her baby daddy now too!", Ashleigh laughs, joining in with Rebecca's teasing.
"Wow you guys are… really drunk", I scoff at them but I can't help but grin at how funny they were right now.
The two of them were sitting at a table, pouring vodka shots for each other while Rusty, Dale, and Calvin were busy playing beer pong at another table.
"We're having fun!", Ash proclaims. "And it's okay that you can't drink because even before you got pregnant you were kind of prudish about drinking anyway Case!"
"Yeah she's definitely a buzzkill, isn't she?", Rebecca leans over to loudly whisper to Ash as she giggles.
"I'm right here!", I give them a look and then laugh.
Cappie opens the door then, the cold air wafting into the bar as he walks in.
"Hey, you ready to go?", He comes over to me with a smile on his face.
"You guys should go home and just make up already!", Ash grins, obviously in a drunk haze.
"Yeah totally! Go make another baby!", Rebecca starts to break out into a laughing fit. "I'll even give you presidential permission to do it in ZBZ if you want to!"
"Yeah… pretty sure that's scientifically impossible", Cappie looks off as if he's thinking to himself and then scoffs, amused by them too. "But... thanks guys".
"I've had to deal with this ever since you left", I turn to him as I laugh.
"You sure they're gonna be okay here?", Cappie raises his eyebrow, turning to just talk to me as we move away from them. "They seem super drunk".
"Don't worry, Dale's only had one beer and Rusty and Calvin seem a lot more with it than them. Rebecca's just drinking a lot because of what happened with Evan I think, and she's kind of dragging Ash with her on the drunk train", I scoff.
"Choo choo!", I hear Rebecca laugh, having overheard my comment about the train I guess.
Me and Cappie can't help but look to each other with a laugh.
"Well...", Cappie snickers. "Well you wanna get going?"
"Yes", I groan. "I really want to get into bed".
"Okay cool, let's go", he smirks.
I put my coat on now and my hat.
"Bye guys!", Cappie waves over to the guys.
"Bye grandma and grandpa!", Rusty waves, joking around with us.
"Hey!", I cross my arms. "I'm pregnant, sick and tired and I still made it out tonight!"
"I appreciate it Casey! Thanks for making it to my party", Calvin smiles.
"No problem", I smile.
"Yeah it ended up being pretty… eventful", Cappie laughs. "But still fun!"
"Yeah, I definitely won't forget my 21st birthday", Calvin nods. "Well we'll see you guys later. I just… I wanted to tell you guys that I think you'll be really good parents. Even if… you don't feel like you will, I think you can do this. If anyone in our group can it's you guys!"
"Thanks Cal", Cappie looks appreciative at this, the two of them pulling each other in for a quick guy hug.
"Yeah thanks, that means a lot that you think that", I smile. "Because… obviously I doubt if I'll be any good at this at only 22".
"You shouldn't doubt yourselves. You guys… you guys have always had a solid relationship, whether you're friends or more, I think you can totally do this", He nods, supportively.
"Although… getting married would be the right thing to do Casey", Dale pipes up. "And of course, marrying the father is what you're sort of supposed to do, but there's also other options like say… marrying someone who could be a father figure, someone that could look past the fact that you're not a virgin… I'm just spitballing. Either way you shouldn't be unwed and pregnant, not such a beautiful girl like you".
"Oh well…. Uh thanks Dale", I nod awkwardly.
"Yeah Dale you're not gonna play step dad to my kid, alright?", Cappie can't help but laugh then at the pure absurdity of Dale's suggestion. "But thanks man".
Cap pulls Dale in for a quick pat on the back which seems to knock Dale around a bit, Cappie a little stronger than he realizes I think.
"Alright bye Rus", I lean in to give Rusty a hug.
"Bye guys", Rusty smiles at us.
"See ya Spitter", Cappie nods.
"Bye Rebecca, bye Ash!", I wave to them even though I'm sure they won't remember this.
I turn back to the guys then, putting my finger up as I look at them sternly.
"Make sure you take care of them tonight alright? Don't let them do anything stupid… or get alcohol poisoning or something", I look at them seriously.
"Look at you, already acting like a mom", Rusty laughs. "And don't worry, we won't".
"Good", I nod. "And I do not act like a mom, alright?! Do not say that".
"Sorry", Rusty laughs and puts his hands up.
"Alright", Cappie smirks. "Bye!"
"Bye", everyone says in unison and me and Cappie walk to the door, Cappie holding it open for me as I make my way out.
"I'll drive us", I offer since it's my car.
"Yeah? You're not too tired?", Cap confirms.
"No, I'm good", I smile up at him as we walk to my car, wading over the snowbanks as I go over to the driver's side.
Once we're in I set out to make the short drive back to Greek row. We don't say anything really, I think the two of us a little tired and emotionally drained after this whole night.
But I still feel the need to say one thing to him that I'd been meaning to tell him.
"Hey Cap?"
"Yeah?"
"What Evan said, all that terrible stuff he said about you being pathetic and about you not ever being able to take care of a baby…", I say. "He's not right, okay? And I don't think that of you at all".
"You don't?", Cappie looks serious as I look over to the passenger seat.
"No, not at all, I promise", I assure him. "Evan's just… being bitter and terrible to you like always, probably because he can't handle that me and you have taken this step together… I mean we took it together without much of a choice but still… I think he was just hurt and surprised. It doesn't make it right at all, I'm still pissed at him, but I wanted you to know that he's not right about you".
I give him a smile then.
"Thanks", He says softly and I feel his hand rest on my thigh, looking over to see his blue eyes staring at me with so much love. I'd seen him give me this expression before, one instance that sticks out in my mind was on Thanksgiving when I'd made a wish on the wish pretzel and we'd locked eyes. I remembered how the rest of that night went like it was yesterday, it was basically seared in my mind for all eternity.
"And Case you shouldn't take what he said seriously either", Cappie interrupts my thoughts. "About your life being ruined. I promise it's not, there's lots of things we can do with the baby and you going to law school, okay?"
"Okay", I nod, looking over to him with a shy smile, still a little in my head about the way his hand felt on my thigh. It was making my heart pound just thinking about it.
Damn, I was really that touch starved that just a mere touch on my thigh while driving was getting me feeling flustered. That's what happens when you only have sex once in a 6 month period I guess, any touch feels intense. Well any touch from Cappie, that is.
"Hey um… I was gonna drop you off at KT and then go back to ZBZ but… I could always stay over? I mean not that I'm inviting myself over or anything or trying to impose but I just thought-", I start to ramble on.
"Yes", Cap cuts me off with one word and I look over to see him smirking, amused with the way I'm fumbling over my words. "My room is basically your room too, okay? Stay over anytime you want".
"Okay", I smile, nodding as I bite my lip, trying not to let him see me smile about this. "I don't have pajamas or anything but-"
"You can wear my clothes like old times", Cappie interjects, cutting me off again with a grin.
"Okay", I smile, nodding up and down as I turn onto Greek row, really thankful we're home now, and that soon I'll be tucked into Cappie's warm bed with him.
The next two weeks go by pretty quickly actually. Mostly because I keep myself really busy.
My days are filled with my classes at law school, which I hadn't dropped out of yet. I'd talked to Cappie about it and told him I was going to go till the end of the semester and then decide what to do over Christmas break. I really wanted to make sure I didn't drop out if the pregnancy wasn't going to stick. But at this point everything seemed fine.
I mean besides the nausea and occasional barfing, the finding it hard to eat much since everything sounded disgusting to me, the smells in the ZBZ kitchen making me want to hurl.
And then there was the way my boobs still hurt like hell. I mean one morning I woke up when Cappie accidentally leaned over in his sleep and slung his arm over me, hitting my boob in the process. It hurt so bad I let out a yelp, waking him up in the process, to which he called it the 'accidental boob graze 2.0', referring of course to last year in the library when we'd been studying for our women's studies midterm and he'd accidentally touched my boob.
And then there was the intense fear I felt everyday when I realized that soon I was going to actually grow a belly and everyone would know about this. And that would include having to tell my mom and dad, something that Rusty keeps bugging me about. He wants me to tell them over Thanksgiving weekend that was coming up but I felt like that was too soon. So I settled on telling them over Christmas. At that point I would be over 10 weeks. And once I'm that far along I'm pretty sure the baby wasn't going anywhere, if I was going to miscarry it would most likely happen before that.
And also telling them on Christmas break means that it would be a little too late to get an abortion. Which is what my mom would totally want me to do if I go home on Thanksgiving weekend and told her and my dad that I was pregnant. So… Christmas is was. Until then I would keep them in the dark, even if that was sort of wrong of me.
Cappie hadn't told his parents yet either… that was partly because he didn't know exactly how to reach them though. His mom was on a yoga retreat in Northern California where they had no access to technology. And his dad had a new girlfriend and was living in Austin. Unfortunately though… the girlfriend was only 6 years older than Cappie. So Cap was a little weary about talking to his dad right now. But he said he would tell them by New Years.
Me and Cappie were still spending most nights together… even if we told no one about it. If he was at ZBZ I'd sneak him out in the morning or he'd leave out the window… which was getting increasingly more difficult now that the weather was becoming colder. And on the weekends I would stay with him. We didn't really try to define it or talk about our habit of not being able to spend many nights apart, I think because we both knew that it really helped to be with each other. It made me feel less alone and anxious when I worried at night, so why fight it right now?
And luckily no one had found out yet, other than our immediate friend group that found out on the night of Calvin's birthday. In fact, now I was kind of happy that they knew because whenever I saw them they were really supportive of me and Cappie. All of them except Evan, of course, who just completely ignores me in our classes, the two of us not having talked since that night.
Along with the first trimester symptoms of course, catching up on the classes I had missed was the hardest part of these past two weeks. In fact, today I was meeting with Professor Segal, because he had told me to meet him after class, which was pretty much petrifying to me.
I'm outside his office waiting to speak with him now, tapping my foot against the bench I was sitting on in the hall. I had been texting Cappie about it, sure Segal was going to try to kick me out of the class after I'd missed a few days in a row. Cappie told me that I was just being paranoid, something that I often was I suppose.
"Casey?", the door opens and he pokes his head out, gesturing for me to come in. I stand up shakily, smoothing my skirt down as I give him a smile.
"Hi Professor", I nod and walk into his office.
Unfortunately I'd already sort of embarrassed myself in front of Professor Segal. In mid September after about two weeks of classes, it spread around that I was the student that got in because of having a thing with Joel, a thing that was obviously nothing. But nonetheless everyone in the class just assumed I basically slept my way in, which sucked. And then when I got shunned from the study groups I had gone to Professor Segal who was… much less than helpful.
So it's not as though I felt especially comfortable around him.
"Have a seat Ms. Cartwright", he gestures to the chair across from him, his desk in between us.
"Okay", I nod nervously as he sits down in his office chair.
"I just wanted to talk to you about why you missed so many classes… since it's not exactly a good habit to start forming so early on in your law school career", He says, sitting back in his chair.
Oh crap.
"Oh… yes. Well I just had something personal going on. But… I'm fully back now", I smile. "And… committed".
I was actually not even fully committed, mostly because I had no idea if I could even stay in law school and have this baby. But he didn't need to know that.
"Well that's good to hear but I often say to my students, unless you were in the hospital on the verge of needing to be on life support, there's not many excuses that I accept", he crosses his hands on the top of his desk.
"Okay, good to know", I nod, feeling anxious now. "I um… I was dealing with something personal that I really needed a little time for, something medical… I had some appointments".
"Is it going to be an ongoing issue?", he questions.
My next appointment at my OBGYN was set for Friday, just four days from now, a day where I'd have to miss classes. Not to mention… my pregnancy would be going to the end of the school year since I'd be 7 months by May.
"Well… yes. Unfortunately", I nod awkwardly.
He gives me a look of disapproval, staring me down.
"I'm pregnant!", I blurt out finally with a sigh. "Alright? And if you can't already guess by the fact that I'm a 22 year old student, I wasn't exactly expecting it so… it kind of took precedence over your class Sir".
I realize that I've sort of just lost control, wishing I hadn't been so open, but I was annoyed with him prying and I had no idea what to say.
"Crap… I'm sorry", I shake my head.
Well… I may as well just drop out now.
"Oh…", Is all Professor Segal lets out. "Well… that certainly is personal. And… a very good excuse. I wish you well with it. Please let me know if you need any other days off and I can arrange to send you the notes on those days".
"Wait…", I look at him confusedly. "Really?"
I raise my eyebrow at him, unsure why he's suddenly being so understanding now.
"Yes. I… I have a daughter, she's 7 and I know how hard being pregnant is, obviously my ex wife went through it. And doing it at your age… I can understand it being completely life altering. I'm sorry if I seemed… unapproachable. I can be a bit of a hardass, I'm well aware of that. But I want you to let me know if you need any extensions or anything Ms. Cartwright", He says and I sit in awe, happy that I'm not going to be completely reamed out.
"Well thank you", I nod. "I appreciate that a lot".
"Alright. Well that's it then. Enjoy your day Ms. Cartwright", He nods.
"Thank you. You as well", I nod as professionally as I can, especially after the little meltdown I just had. I get up now, giving him a slight smile and then making my way out of his office.
Thank god that went okay.
I let out a deep breath then, feeling relieved.
I walk down the stairs out of Hamilton Hall, where most of the law school classes were held, and am out onto the quad. There's a slightly cool breeze, it was mid November after all, but luckily no more snow days like two weeks ago… I was honestly a little traumatized by all the drama that came with that snowstorm.
"Hey! Case!", I hear a voice I knew very well.
I turn around to see Cappie walking towards me with two coffee cups from the coffee cart in his hands.
"Hey, what are you doing here?", I can't help but smile a bit, confused and not having expected him to show up here.
"Well you texted me this morning how worried you were about your whole meeting with your professor thing so… I thought I'd come see how it went? Everything okay? You're not crying so…?", He laughs slightly, looking me over to try to gage it I was okay.
I can't help but give him a bit of a sheepish look then, finding it sweet that he'd unexpectedly showed up here.
"No, actually it went okay", I nod as he hands me a coffee cup. "Oh uh… I can't have coffee Cap".
"Yeah I know, don't worry, it's hot chocolate", He smirks.
"Mmm", I giggle. "Thanks, that actually sounds good since it's been so cold lately".
"Yeah, no problem", Cappie grins as we begin to walk over to a table in the quad. "So he wasn't mad that you missed some classes?"
"Well he was at first and I was like freaking out", I groan. "But… then I just all of a sudden blurted out that I was pregnant and… well everything changed and we was totally sympathetic. He has a daughter and an ex wife and he told me he knows how hard pregnancy can be… and I'm sure he knows that it was pretty unexpected for me since I'm 22 and a first year law student".
I scoff.
"Wow, well that's good", Cappie smiles as we sit down. "See maybe it'll work out by just telling your professors the truth".
"Yeah I guess you're right. I shouldn't be so… embarrassed about it", I shrug with a slight smile. "I've been feeling like it's this shameful thing I should hide but… maybe I shouldn't feel that way anymore. It's not fair to it".
I take a drink of my hot chocolate as Cappie smiles sweetly at me, looking happy at what I'm saying.
"Exactly, and for the record… it's not fair to you either Case", He assures me. "You don't have anything to be ashamed of".
"Yeah I mean… Evan might disagree but…", I laugh bitterly to myself then.
"You haven't talked to him since?", Cap confirms. "Probably a little awkward in class right?"
"Yeah no talking unless you count him glaring at me", I roll my eyes. "I just don't understand why he cares so much about me being pregnant".
"It's more about him and me I think Case", Cappie shakes his head in annoyance at Evan. "Since he views everything with me as some insane competition so…"
"So you won by getting me pregnant?", I question sarcastically. "I'm pretty sure you and me haven't won anything, we're the ones that are going to have a crying infant to figure out how to take care of pretty soon".
"Yeah I mean me and you see it that way because we're rational humans beings", Cap scoffs. "But Chambers sees it as me winning by… getting you I guess?"
"But… we're not even together?", I question.
"Yeah I know that, and you know that, and we've told him that", Cappie groans. "But I think him knowing you and me hooked up and now knowing we're going to be… linked for life now… he feels like he lost".
"Well that's stupid", I shake my head. "Especially since he had a good thing going with Rebecca and he ruined it so he could get mad at you and me... Especially when I wouldn't even get back together with him if we were the last two people on earth".
Cappie laughs then, taking a drink of his coffee.
"Yeah well there's really no logic to his behaviour", He shrugs, annoyed with Evan. "How's Rebecca doing?"
I knew Cappie truly cared about Rebecca, we both did. I think because even though she appeared to most people to be a bit of a bitch, beneath that she was actually a really loyal friend. So loyal that she actually had kept her promise and hadn't told anyone in the sorority that I'm pregnant yet.
"Well she's pretty pissed", I think to myself with a laugh. "Which is pretty standard Rebecca behaviour. I caught her trying to throw an iPod into the fireplace yesterday… and trying to break the diamond necklace Evan gave her with a hammer…"
Cappie can't help but laugh then, both of us amused with this.
"But that's just how Rebecca copes", I explain. "I think she'll be okay… she'll never admit it but I think she really wanted it to workout with him".
"Yeah too bad he screwed that up", Cappie looks disappointed. "I tried to warn her last year".
"Well last year was nothing compared to the way he's acted this past semester", I scoff. "Law school has brought out a whole new kind of assclownery to him".
"Assclownery?", Cappie laughs, amused with me. "I love that you just used that word".
"Well it's not a real word", I giggle. "And… it's a product of hanging around with you way too much lately Cap".
"Way too much?", He questions with a smirk. "You're saying you want a break from me?"
I can't help but purse my lips then, trying to keep in a smile that's threatening to take over my lips.
"Well… no", I settle on as I smile at him. "Who else is gonna buy me hot chocolate and remind me to take my prenatal vitamins?"
"Yeah see? You need me", He smiles that usual way he does, his eyes shining, alight with mischief.
"Which reminds me, you're still okay to come to my appointment on Friday?", I confirm with him.
"Yeah of course, don't worry, I didn't forget about it", He nods like it's obvious. "This uh… this one we'll probably get to hear the heartbeat right?"
He looks a little nervous now, which is sort of a departure from his usual joking smirk, his seriousness about hearing the baby making my stomach twist and turn.
"Yeah", I nod. "I mean… I'm 8 weeks now so they should be able to find it, which I think will be pretty cool… weird but cool".
"Yeah totally", He smiles.
"And it'll probably have grown bigger since last time too", I add in.
"Yeah that'll be cool. Hey, soon you'll start showing", Cappie adds in as he smirks, gesturing to my stomach under my coat.
All I do is give him a slight glare. I think it pleased him to know I was going to soon start to get a bump. Because he knew how much I was dreading it.
"Yeah count yourself lucky that you don't have to have the evidence on your body Cap", I give him a cross of my arms. "You're lucky, you don't even have to tell your professors anything!"
I groan.
"Well… I do kind of want to tell the guys soon", He brings up, looking serious.
"I know you do", I nod, feeling sympathetic to the fact that it was killing Cappie to be keeping the KT guys in the dark for the past two and a half weeks. "I got to tell Ash and I know that the guys are your best friends…"
"Well at least Rusty knows", Cappie nods. "But yeah it feels kind of weird keeping such a big secret from them".
"Okay well… as long as everything goes good at this appointment on Friday, I'm pretty sure that the pregnancy is sticking so… then I think you should tell them", I nod.
"Wait really?", He seems surprised, but happy too.
"Yeah", I shrug. "I mean, like you said, eventually I'll start to show and people will find out anyways. And I don't really care what the rest of the Greek system thinks".
"Okay…", Cappie takes this in. "So you're okay with people knowing that it's… that's it's mine?"
"Yeah of course", I nod. "I'm pretty sure they'd assume that anyways even if I didn't say who the father is. But yeah, we might as well just be honest".
"Okay cool", He smiles. "Everything will be okay. And if anyone has anything mean to say to you… just know... the guns of fury will come out in full force Case".
Cappie flexes both of his arms then, showing the muscles in them jokingly as I giggle at him. I can tell he's trying to make me laugh and I appreciate it. It was my favorite thing about him I think... although it was hard to pick my favorite.
"Yeah okay Cap", I can't help but keep laughing as I roll my eyes at him playfully.
"Hey I'm being for real", Cappie laughs. "I've been working out a ton. I mean… like once a week but…"
The two of us sit here laughing together in the quad. We were in the exact same place that he'd found me a couple weeks ago when I'd been sitting here going out of my mind, wrestling with the fact that my period was late and that I'd just thrown up in class. Then we'd fought after I told him I couldn't tell him what was wrong.
So at least we were back on track now. Even if we weren't an actual couple I was so happy to have him in my life like this. I felt really lucky that I was doing this with him, that Rusty had forced me to let him in on this whole thing that day a few weeks ago. I think I would've regretted not finding out with him, since he was the only one that could really truly comfort me about this whole thing, the only one whose opinion on the baby I actually cared about.
"So you wanna get some dinner later?", Cappie interrupts my thoughts about him. "Something at least semi healthy so we can tell your doctor you're trying to feed the baby good stuff?"
He gives me a joking look as I fake glare at him.
"Fine", I cross my arms. "But only if I can have pie for dessert".
"I think I can make that happen", He nods with a grin and I continue to smirk at him as he takes a sip of his coffee.
"So how've you been since our last appointment Casey?", Dr. Thomas asks me as the three of us sit in her office.
"I've been okay. Still have been kind of nauseas but I feel like just this last week I've been throwing up a bit less, and being able to eat a little more without wanting to throw up at the mere smell of food", I laugh.
"Well that's good, you definitely need to keep eating to keep your strength up, you're eating for two now", She smiles as she pulls up my file on the computer.
"That's what I keep telling her", Cappie nods.
"Yeah but you always try to shove food down my throat when I'm not even hungry!", I give Cappie a look, raising my eyebrows at him sassily.
Dr. Thomas turns back around to smirk at the two of us.
I truly didn't know what Dr. Thomas thought of us, if she thought we were a couple, or if she thought we were just friends. It's not like me and Cappie ever clarified our... predicament to her. And I didn't introduce him as my boyfriend. To be honest... she probably had just as much idea of what we were to each other as we did.
"Well I'm glad to see she has someone looking out for her. Going through a pregnancy is a lot easier when you have support, especially at your age", Dr. Thomas gives Cappie a smile.
"Yeah for sure", Cappie nods with a pleased smile, then looking over at me as I just give him a look, struggling not to playfully roll my eyes at him in front of the doctor.
"And you've been taking your prenatals?", Dr. Thomas asks.
"Yep, every day", I nod, laying back slightly on the exam table as she gets the ultrasound machine geared up.
"Great! Well you two, what do you say, should we see how the baby's doing?", She gives us both a smile.
"Yeah sounds good", I nod, feeling butterflies in my stomach, nervous and excited at the same time for this.
If I was being honest I'd been thinking about this day all week. About hearing its heartbeat for the first time, about seeing it again, seeing that it's grown more since my last appointment when they confirmed the pregnancy.
"Yeah", Cappie chimes in, looking nervous too when I look over at him. I knew him well enough by now to know when he was anxious.
He shuffles his chair over a little bit to move closer to where my head is, angled right so we can both see the screen well.
"Okay so we're going to do an internal ultrasound first to check the fetus and then I'm going to do a regular transabdominal ultrasound after to hopefully hear the heartbeat", She explains to us. "I know the internal ultrasound is a little uncomfortable but this is probably the last time you'll have to do one for this pregnancy".
"Oh okay, that's good", I nod, squirming my body around to get my feet properly in the stirrups as I shimmy down the table.
"Okay hun", She gets the probe ready. "So I have the lubricated probe here if you want to put it in and then I'll find your baby for you".
"Okay", I nod, taking the probe and feeling around to properly get it inside me.
It was definitely awkward but I really couldn't be any more comfortable than I already was around Cappie. Not to mention I really only had one thing on my mind; seeing and hearing our baby.
"Okay I have it in", I confirm with her as she then takes over, moving it around within me as she stares at the screen to find my uterus and the baby.
"Perfect! Alright, here is your gestational sac", She stops at a point to show me and Cappie, who looks straightforward to see whatever he can see even though he probably has absolutely no idea what a gestational sac is. "And this here is the yolk sac, this provides your baby nutrients, it'll be absorbed by the first trimester however. And here we go! Here's the embryo here inside the amniotic sac".
She smiles as she points it out to us on the screen.
"I know all those words probably sound pretty scientific", She laughs, seeing me and Cappie's nervous expressions. "But basically it just means everything look good in here! And this here is your baby, sitting perfectly in place inside your amniotic sac right where it should be at 8 and a half weeks".
"Oh that's good then", I sigh out in relief. "So it looks okay?"
"Yes of course Casey", She gives me a soft smile. "It looks better than okay, it looks perfectly on track. You're doing a great job".
"Thanks", I nod sheepishly. "I mean, I haven't really been doing much…"
"Yeah you have", Cappie jumps in, giving me a smirk. "You've been avoiding coffee, sushi… you stay away from the microwave when it's on".
Dr. Thomas watches the two of us with an entertained look on her face as she smiles.
"Yeah I guess", I laugh, feeling warm inside now, happy Cappie's here, and happy that everything with the baby is okay. I didn't want to admit it to Cappie but I was a little worried for this appointment… since if something was going to go wrong with the baby it usually happens before ten weeks.
And I mean… it's not like I didn't think about the obvious fact that things would be a lot easier for me and Cappie if this pregnancy didn't work out… I wasn't that naive. I knew people like Evan would think that if I miscarried it would be 'nature taking its course' or 'for the best' or something stupid like that. But even though I knew me and Cappie weren't fully prepared for this baby it didn't mean that I wanted anything to happen to it… especially not in the past week or so when I'd started to warm up more to the idea of a baby that was part me and part Cappie growing in me.
"Well don't be mistaken Casey, you're doing a ton for your baby, believe me. The first trimester is hard", Dr. Thomas gives me a sweet smile and then moves the probe around in me more. "As you can see the fetus has grown since last time, this here is its head…"
Me and Cappie are basically on the edge of our seats as we hang on to every glimpse we can get of it, wanting to know what each body part is, wanting to see everything we possibly can.
"And this is its spine", She points to the screen. "Isn't that cool? We can't tell if it's a boy or a girl yet but after the holidays, come January, you should be far along enough for us to tell if you want to know".
"Oh yeah we definitely want to know", I nod up and down immediately, looking over to Cappie and then back to Dr. Thomas.
"Yeah definitely", Cappie nods.
"Yeah no surprises?", Dr. Thomas laughs slightly.
"No, the baby was surprise enough", I say with a sarcastic laugh as Dr. Thomas grins.
"That's definitely understandable", She laughs. "Well I got some pictures that we'll print out for you today… so what do you think? You want to see if we can hear the heartbeat?"
"Yeah!", Me and Cappie both say in unison, turning to each other as we realize we've both spoken at the exact same time.
"Well I think that's a pretty strong yes", Dr. Thomas laughs. "I'll get it set up".
She turns away from us for a moment, wheeling her stool over to set up the transabdominal ultrasound, the one where they put the jelly on your stomach to check for the baby.
While Dr. Thomas is doing that, I feel Cappie's hand on mine. His touch startles me for only a millisecond and then all it does is make me relax, make me feel happy that he's here. I can't help but look over, turning my head so I can see him better, giving him a smile.
"See look it's fine Case, you can relax now", He whispers to me.
"What? I wasn't-", I get ready to defend myself but instead I just see him smirking, giving me a knowing look, and I know it's useless to try to pretend like I wasn't worrying about the baby.
"I know you were kind of freaking out", He gives me a look. "But the baby's fine, perfect actually, according to the doctor".
"Yeah I know", I can't help but grin. "I hope we can hear its heartbeat".
"Me too", He nods, smiling.
"Alright Casey, I'm just going to get you to put this sheet over you here", Dr. Thomas passes me a sheet to put over my pelvic area since I was just wearing a gown and no underwear. "And then I'm gonna get you to lift up your gown so we can get at your abdomen here".
"Okay", I nod up and down, doing as she says, sitting up slightly so I can get into place, feeling on edge to actually hear it's heartbeat.
"Perfect. So, ready to find your baby's heartbeat?", Dr. Thomas smiles at us.
"Definitely", I nod and then look over to smile at Cappie.
And I realize in that moment that I truly am happy. That my smile is genuine, being here with him. Even if this whole thing should be the opposite of happy for me, for some reason it wasn't. Because it sort of just seemed... right, being here with him.
He nods back, his blue eyes shining bright as he smiles. And I can tell it's the same for him too. That this is genuine, that both of us are weirdly, strangely, somehow happy that we'd created this completely unexpected little person that both of us now seemed to care about more than anything.
Author's Note: Sorry to cut it off like that but the next chapter they'll hear the heartbeat as well as other sweet stuff unfolding for them! thank you to anyone who is reading this story!