"So somehow the turkey is sort of uncooked and burnt and the same time", Rusty explains, a grimace on his face as he and Spidey stand awkwardly in the entrance to the backyard.
"Well… let's see what we can do Spitter. If all else fails… pizza!", Cappie shrugs with a laugh.
"With turkey sausage on it!", I add.
"Yeah exactly", Cap smiles, putting a hand on my back.
I feel Rusty's eyes immediately dart to where Cappie's hand has gone, I'm sure thinking about what me and Cappie currently are to each other. He'd already sort of had this talk with us last night.
"So… you guys spent the day together?", Rusty raises his eyebrows, giving the two of us a judging look.
"Yeah your sister wanted to go to that fashion museum in Cincinnati and then we went shopping…", Cappie gestures to the bag in my hands. "Then the bakery... and now we're back here".
"Mmm", Rusty looks like he's going to laugh, looking us over. "You went to a museum Cap? And went shopping? Like at a women's clothing store? Sounds like your personal nightmare".
"Nah", Cappie waves it off. "It was great! Casey's pretty tired though so…"
"Yeah", I jump in, knowing what Rusty's implying just by the look he's giving us. "I am, I'm actually gonna go lay down for a bit in Cappie's room".
"Okay I'll check on you in a bit", Cap nods and I feel his hand leave the small of my back as I move away from the guys.
"I didn't know you had a girlfriend Cap", I hear Spidey say.
"Yeah neither did I Cap", I look back and hear Rusty pipe up as he crosses his arms across his chest with a judgey look.
"Not my girlfriend just…", Cappie sighs. "Let's just go see how bad you guys messed up this bird, come on".
I look back again from the stairs for a quick moment to share a look with Cappie, the two of us sharing a sheepish smirk.
Then I keep walking up the stairs as I hear the guys shuffle out to the backyard, my smile not leaving my lips.
I hear the door open to Cappie's bedroom a little while later. I'd been laying down in here for about two hours just relaxing. This first trimester had taken me to new levels of tiredness I didn't even know existed. Especially after a long day like today.
"Oh hey Ca-", I sit up but am surprised when I see Rusty standing in the doorway, not Cappie. "Oh hey Rus, I thought you were Cappie".
"No, he's helping Beaver set up for the party actually. They ordered some pizza if you want some, the turkey… well we're gonna get another one and try again tomorrow", Rusty says and the two of us laugh.
"Well at least you guys tried", I giggle and then yawn.
"Wow you look really tired, are you feeling okay?", Rusty asks.
"I think it's just being pregnant, the first trimester seems to be pretty rough for a lot of people", I sigh. "I'm just super tired and feel kind of sick".
"Aw", Rusty frowns.
"It's okay, it should get better in a few weeks", I shrug.
"That's good… well… anyways, I wanted to talk to you about something", Rusty looks serious, coming over to sit down on the edge of the bed as I look at him confusedly.
I nod, giving him a quizzical look.
"Casey he loves you", Rusty states plainly. "He loves you so much… I- I'm just surprised that you can't see that".
"Rusty… ", I sigh. "I know he does".
"Okay so then… What is it? You don't love him anymore?", Rusty shakes his head confusedly.
"No Rusty, of course I love him", I roll my eyes. "I don't think… I don't think I ever won't… since it's been four years and my feelings haven't changed".
I sigh then.
"Okay so what's the problem? I know that you wouldn't think of him as a typical dad but I can tell he really cares about this baby and is actually kind of excited about it Case", Rusty assures me.
"Really?", I can't help but smile a bit.
"Yeah", Rusty smiles. "He lights up when he talks about you and it, about your future together. Because it is going to be together Case, your future. I know that and you know that".
"I know…", I say quietly, looking down for a moment. "I know my future is with him and the baby too".
"Okay so… I was going to tell you that there's an apartment available in my building. Sheila likes you and it's a two bedroom, so the baby can have a nursery", Rusty explains. "I don't really know if you guys are like... sharing a room or not but clearly you slept here last night with him so..."
"Wait… what did he tell you about last night?", I sit up straight, wondering why the hell Cappie would tell my little brother that we hooked up again.
"Nothing...", Rusty looks confused for a moment, then looks like a lightbulb has gone off his head head, then looks grossed out. "Wait a second… you guys studied again didn't you?!"
I roll my eyes then with a groan. 'Studying' was of course me and Rusty's euphemism for sex. It had been since his freshman year.
"Crap… I don't want to talk to you about this Rusty!", I grab a pillow from beside me and hold it in my lap, burying my red face in it, kind of embarrassed now.
"I don't want to talk to you about you and Cappie… studying either Case", Rusty speaks seriously as I look back up at him. "It's not my business what you guys do, but it does concern my niece or nephew and I care about you guys, and about this baby…"
"I know, and I love you for that Rus", I nod, giving him a bit of a smile.
"I'm just telling you that Cappie wants this with you, so if someone is holding back it's you. And I don't think you should be, not for you and Cappie and not for this baby", Rusty looks serious.
"I know", I sigh out then. "Maybe… maybe I'll talk to him later tonight, tell him we should just make things official if he wants".
"If he wants? Casey if you proposed to him tonight he'd basically marry you on the spot", Rusty raises his eyebrow a bit, giving me sort of a joking look.
I laugh then, giving him a sheepish smile.
"You really think he'll be able to leave this whole lifestyle behind Rus?", I ask him. "Like… not that he has to completely abandon his whole life and who he is, I wouldn't want him to change that much. But obviously if he wants to be serious about me and about being a dad then… he'll have to leave some of this stuff behind".
I gesture around the room, at what KT represents.
"Casey he was already going to do that, he'd talked to me about graduating at the end of the year even back a few weeks ago", Rusty assures me. "And he's barely drinking, he got high with Calvin once this semester, he hasn't hooked up with a single girl since he got back here, except you obviously… He's serious about this Case".
"Okay", I nod, feeling like my heart is going to burst in my chest. Because of course, Rusty is right. "I… I really love him Rusty. And it's not like either of us wanted this baby but I'm starting to think that maybe things happen for a reason, maybe this was meant to happen to us so we can get back together, work things out for good".
"Well having a baby together is a good reason to work things out", Rusty nods. "Especially for two people who both already love each other".
"Yeah the only thing is... we're having a baby that we didn't plan Rus…", I sigh. "Which is kind of the worst reason to get back together. I don't want to get back together and then wonder forever if we just did it for the baby".
"Oh c'mon", Rusty rolls his eyes. "We all know you would ended up finding your way back together regardless of if you got pregnant or not Case. I mean you can go on and on about how you stayed here because of the good law program and because you like Cyprus and because I'm here but we all know you stayed here because you can't stand to be that far away from Cappie".
I sit up on Cappie's bed, speechless, mouth open but unable to really say anything. Because I had no argument for that. Rusty was right. I had told everyone that I hadn't stayed here for Cappie. But the truth of the matter is that I'd probably be in Washington right now if I wasn't petrified to be away from Cappie. Even if I barely talked to him in August and September, even if I didn't know whether to get back together with him or not. Just being here in the same orbit as him made me feel at ease.
"Hey! What're you guys doing?", A familiar voice interrupts our serious conversation as a smiling Cappie walks in the door of his room. "People are starting to show up downstairs".
"Oh cool", Rusty nods.
"Everything okay?", Cappie looks back and forth between me and Rusty.
"Yeah we're fine", I plaster a smile on my face and sit up straight, getting up off the bed.
"Okay cool, well there's pizza downstairs. And… whatever is salvaged from the turkey but I would maybe just eat the pizza and we'll try a Thanksgiving dinner again tomorrow night", Cap tells me with a laugh.
"Awesome, pizza sounds good", I nod.
"Okay cool, well we don't have to stay here long if you wanna just go back to ZBZ, I know a party might not be what you're in the mood for", Cappie shrugs, looking to me.
"No, I'm fine", I grab Cappie's arm, giving him a smile and then looking to Rusty. "C'mon Rus".
"Yeah let's go", Rusty nods, looking at the two of us, I think letting go of our earlier conversation, not that I thought that he was ever going to give up on lecturing me about how me and Cappie should just be together.
An hour later and the KT house is in its most natural state, alight with a party.
So far I'd spent most of the night glued to Cappie's side. Neither one of us was bothering to drink, obviously because I couldn't, and Cappie seemed to be into staying sober tonight.
I only knew some of the people here, the majority of the girls were from Tri Pi, and most of the guys were from KT. I suppose those were the Greeks that were around this weekend that didn't go home for Thanksgiving. Although there were a few people from other houses and some people I didn't recognize. Rebecca had shown up which was nice to see, considering I felt pretty bad for kind of abandoning her, since I knew she was the only ZBZ left at the house.
I'm hoping maybe another hour or so and me and Cap can go back to my room at ZBZ. Get away from the party and go to sleep… maybe do some things before sleeping, some things along the lines of what we did last night… but mainly sleep since I was beyond tired.
But until then we'd say hi to a couple more people here.
"Hey! You guys are back together now?", A guy named Sean from Psi Phi Pi comes up to us.
"Oh uh….", I let out as me and Cappie look at each other.
"No, we're…", Cappie starts.
"We're friends", I awkwardly finish his sentence with a smile.
"Oh…. Alright", Sean looks at us suspiciously, giving us a polite nod and then making his way off to the keg.
"Hey uh… I'm just gonna go make sure that there are enough cups out here", Cappie tells me. "Beaver's great at getting people here but not so great at estimating how many cups we'll need, maths not exactly his strong suit".
"Okay", I nod with a laugh, knowing how Beaver is.
Part of me can't help but wonder if Cappie's just trying to get away from me for a bit because of the awkward moment we just had. But I couldn't be sure.
"Don't drink anything okay?", Cappie looks at me seriously, eyes wide as he makes sure I'm listening. "The guys here will spike anything. Just stick to the soda I got you".
Cappie gestures down to the can of Sprite in my hand that he'd managed to find somewhere at the back of the KT's fridge. They weren't really used to carrying non alcoholic beverages it seems.
"Believe me, I know", I giggle. "I won't even trust the water in the fridge".
"Okay good", Cappie laughs. "Anyway, when I come back maybe we'll get out of here?"
"Yeah sounds good", I smile.
"Okay, see you in a sec", Cap gives me a nod and then walks back inside to find Beaver.
I stand awkwardly swaying to the music a bit, holding my soda can full of Sprite.
"Hey! Casey!", I veer around when I hear my name.
It's coming from a Lambda Sig named Liam. I didn't know him very well, only that he was a year younger than me and that I coached him in the Mr. Purrfect competition two years ago.
"Oh hey Liam! Happy Thanksgiving", I give him a smile.
"To you as well! You're… looking pretty hot these days Casey", He gives me a smirk.
And pretty pregnant too, I think to myself.
Immediately my guards go up. I didn't really want to have to turn this guy down, but there was just no way this would ever happen between us. Even if I wasn't pregnant. Basically any guy that tried anything with me right now it would be an immediate no. Not even if they were like… Zac Efron. Unfortunately that's just the hold Cappie had over my heart over all these months. I couldn't even look at another guy that way.
"Um… thanks, that's really sweet of you to say", I nod awkwardly.
"You're welcome. Well I was wondering, since it's getting late, maybe you'd want to go somewhere and talk?", Liam leans into me closer and all I want to do is run away, get myself away from him. Not even because I don't like him, just because he's not Cappie. He doesn't smell like Cappie, doesn't sound like Cappie, doesn't look at me the way Cappie does. "Or not talk?"
Liam puts his hand out to rest on my waist and I immediately recoil, moving away.
"Hey!", I hear an angry voice shout out, Cappie's voice.
Liam instantly moves away from me.
"Are you okay?", Cappie ignores Liam and just looks to me, meeting my eyes as he looks serious.
"Oh yeah, fine", I nod. "Liam was just… wishing me a happy Thanksgiving".
"Crap, sorry I didn't… I didn't know you guys were back together", Liam puts his hand up, stammering out his sentence as he honestly looks freaking terrified at the way Cappie is eyeing him up and down right now.
"No problem. Happy Thanksgiving to you too", Cappie plasters on a fake smile as he snakes his hand around my waist, pulling me into his side. "Casey and I will be sure to include you on our Christmas card list".
Once Liam is out of our view I wriggle out of Cappie's arms, kind of annoyed with him right now.
"Seriously Cappie!", I groan. "I don't want to date Liam from Lambda Sig!"
"Oh…", He nods, looking a little awkward now. "Well good".
I take his hand to pull him over to the yard area at the side of the house where I knew no partygoers would be. I didn't really need anyone hearing this.
"I didn't want to date anyone other than you even before I got pregnant!", I roll my eyes as I throw my hands up. "And I certainly don't want to now! I wouldn't do that Cappie!"
"You wouldn't?", he looks happy then, like he's trying to suppress a smile but he's unable to.
"No!", I reiterate, throwing my hands up as I let out a huff of air from my lungs. "I thought you would know that. I'm not going to just go date someone else while your baby's growing inside me!"
I gesture down to my stomach and then cross my arms across my chest.
"Okay good", He nods.
"Okay then let's just… let's just not be jealous of other people then", I nod with a sigh. "Alright?"
"Yes, you got it", he nods, smirking a bit. "I'm sorry, I just… I walked back out into the backyard to look for you and I saw you and you looked uncomfortable with him… I guess I just went into overprotective mode for a second there. I'm sorry".
"It's… it's okay Cap", I nod, letting myself sigh out, relieved that everything's okay.
I give him a small smile then and lean forward to wrap my arms around his neck to give him a hug, feeling him pull me into him.
"Okay why don't we just go back inside, get your things and we'll go back to the ZBZ house?", Cappie confirms with me as we part. "It's getting late anyway".
I narrow my eyes at him and then giggle.
"Late? Cap it's 11 o'clock", I laugh. "That's like… the middle of the afternoon for you".
"Well not when you're pregnant and have had a long day", Cappie smirks at me.
"True. I honestly am exhausted", I nod. "But... not too tired for you to maybe sleep over".
I give him a grin, my eyes lighting up as I struggle to not giggle at the way he responds to what I'm getting at.
"Ms. Cartwright….", he grins. "I'm in, let's go".
I'm giggling as I hold onto his hand, him leading us through the backyard before someone stops us.
"Cappie? I've been looking around for you all night, I knew you wouldn't have gone home this weekend", A girl moves in front of him in his path, grabbing his attention as he stops, me stopping with him.
I didn't know her well but I knew her name, Siena. She was our age so I assumed she was sticking around for a 5th year. Or her program was 5 years like some of them were here. And I knew she was a Tri Pi. In fact, she'd been pretty mean to me and Ashleigh before, back in junior year after the whole Jen K scandal.
"Oh hey Siena", Cappie nods and I can immediately tell he's uncomfortable, something he usually wasn't in general, but something he especially wasn't around girls.
"I was worried there for a sec", She grins. "I thought we'd miss out on our Thanksgiving tradition".
She laughs as she gives him what I can only classify as a seductive look, putting her hand on his chest. I'm not usually a jealous person but seeing her with him like this almost feels like every bone in my body is breaking all at once.
"Tradition?", Cappie shakes his head, looking confused.
"Well I guess it's not exactly a tradition yet since we skipped last year, but…", She grins and then leans into his ear, whispering something into it that I can't manage to make out.
I can't help but feel my blood boil right now. I drop Cappie's hand, feeling awkward for standing beside him like this.
"Yeah not this year okay?", Cappie says to her dryly and then looks over to me. "C'mon Casey".
Cappie looks to me to follow him as he starts to move forward to step back into the house.
Siena stops him though, persistent as ever.
"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't think you two were back together?", She takes her hand to point back and forth between the two of us. "I just wouldn't have thought because last I heard you were pregnant… and you were actually... keeping it. And Cappie would never be having a kid".
Siena laughs like the very notion of Cappie being a father is insane.
"What?", I let out, feeling my heart sink. "Who… who told you that?"
"I heard it from my sister, Jess. And she heard it from that ZBZ, you know the one who's constantly barely able to make it home most nights? Betsy?", Siena explains with a laugh.
"Oh…", I let out, my mind racing.
This was it. People were going to find out. Sure it may just be a rumour now. A rumour that somehow made its way out. A rumour that was true.
How did Betsy know?
I knew I could've trust Rebecca! She must've let it slip to her.
And trusting Betsy with literally anything was a lost cause.
"I have to show Casey to the washroom", Cappie speaks, breaking me out of my daze. "It was nice to see you Siena, but that's not me anymore, alright? Have a nice Thanksgiving".
Cap gives her a curt smile, taking my hand in his again. I barely even feel like I know what's going on I'm so in shock. So I just let Cappie lead me into the house, let my feet move without barely thinking, worry taking over me.
Once we're inside Cappie leads me over to the closet and pulls me into it.
It's actually the perfect place to be right now. The sound is muffled in here so I can actually hear myself think, and we're completely alone. No Liam and no Siena to bother us, thank god.
"Case I'm so sorry", He gives me a sad look and then pulls me in for a hug. "I know you didn't expect people to have found out already".
"Well... I guess it was only a matter of time", I sigh against him. "You were going to tell your brothers tomorrow anyways so…"
I give him a sad shrug, not loving that it's come out like this without my consent. Especially since I knew how much people in the Greek system gossiped. Even though I had graduated now, most people here still knew who I was and they'd probably have a field day with it.
But there was something that was still bugging me. I'd been so shocked that Siena knew that I was pregnant that I hadn't fully understood what was going on between her and Cappie.
"Cap what was she even talking to you about? I mean obviously she was coming onto you, that much I could comprehend", I roll my eyes. "Which… is annoying but fine I guess since she doesn't think we're together. But… what was all that stuff she was going on about, about it being tradition?"
I give him a confused look as he looks up for a moment, rolling his eyes and sighing out deeply, like the whole subject is annoying to him.
"You really wanna know?", He gives me a cautious look.
I nod up and down.
"Okay fine… well… you know I spend most holidays here at CRU because my parents don't really celebrate anything. So uh… sophomore year on Thanksgiving weekend I…. I slept with her and her friend", Cappie explains awkwardly like it's hard for him to get out.
"What?", I cross my arms now, giving him an annoyed look. "You mean like… both of them… at the same time?!"
"You said you wanted to know!", Cappie argues.
"Of course you did!", I groan then, rolling my eyes. "I'm just gonna go to your room Cap… I knew this was gonna be too difficult".
I turn to open the door to the closet, getting out of there as quickly as I possibly can.
I'm back out into the loud party, the music blaring, people laughing and talking as I try to move past them. I feel kind of bad that I got out of there before he even had time to say anything but I was just really taken aback. Taken aback by everything that had just transpired in the past ten minutes.
"Wait Case… hold on!", I hear Cappie shout out to me frustratingly as I leave him trailing behind me while I weave through the crowd.
"Ow!", I let out in surprise as someone jabs me in my upper stomach with their elbow.
"Oh! Crap… sorry Casey", Beaver turns around and I see it's his elbow that hit me. Beav gives me an awkward look, frowning. "I didn't know you were behind me".
"It's... it's okay, don't worry Beav", I wave it off but my hand travels down to my ribs and my stomach. I got hit higher up than my lower belly so I think it was okay, I mostly felt the jab of his elbow against my rib cage.
Dammit, I never had to worry about anything like this ever before, never had to worry about anyone but me. And now I was going to have to wonder if I was already messing things up, if I was already letting this baby get hurt because I wasn't being careful enough.
"Beav!", I hear Cappie's voice and then feel his hands on my frame behind me, one on my shoulder, the other on the small of my back. "You gotta watch out man! You just hit Casey!"
Cappie looks at Beaver angrily, much more serious and intense than I usually see him. Especially with Beaver, someone whom he was always really gentle with.
"Cap it's okay, don't wor-", I turn around to look at him, not wanting him to reem Beav out over this.
"Sorry Cap, I didn't know she was behind me", Beaver cuts me off as he looks honestly sorry.
"It's just that she's… she's pregnant Beav, so…", Cap calms down a bit as he sighs, explaining to him why this is a bigger deal than it usually would be. "So we have to be really careful".
"Oh damn!", Beaver's eyes go wide then and he looks over to me. "You're pregnant? I can't believe this! I really hope I didn't hit you too hard, I had no idea Casey, I'm really sorry".
His eyes travel down to my stomach then as they go ever wider.
"You don't… you don't look pregnant, like at all!", Beaver comments before I can even say anything.
"Yeah I know, it's still super early and I don't have a belly yet… it's just… some people found out so now we're sort of telling people I guess", I explain.
"Wait so… it's… it's your guys' baby?", Beaver looks a little happy then, looking up from my face to lock eyes with Cappie, giving him a subtle grin. "Yours together?"
"Yeah, it's me and Casey's", Cappie nods then, still looking not exactly himself but I think it's because he's worried about me and also because he knows that I was walking away from him in a hurry, upset after what had just happened.
"Wow… I can't believe this!", Beaver gives us his usual dopey grin then. "That happened so quick after yesterday!"
I can't help but look to Cappie, looking up at him in the dim light of the party, us sharing a look as we both laugh.
"Yeah no Beav", Cappie laughs as he shakes his head. "It didn't happen yesterday, Casey's already 8 and a half weeks actually".
"Wow…", Beaver takes this in. "This is crazy! Cap we've got to tell the brothers and-"
"Wait, just… not tonight Beav, I'm gonna have a formal meeting tomorrow and I'll tell everyone then, alright?", Cappie assures him.
"Okay", Beaver grins and gestures like he's sealing his lips. "You got it, my lips are sealed".
"Thanks", I let out a slight laugh, still holding onto the side of my ribs, hoping nothing happened in there.
"I'm still really really sorry about elbowing you in the stomach Casey", Beaver frowns. "I hope I didn't hit the baby".
"I'll be fine, don't worry, it's not like it's very big yet or anything. I just kind of want to sit down for a bit I think", I sigh.
"Here, let me help you up to my room", Cappie says immediately, still holding me in his arms while we stand here talking, as if he's trying to make his body a shield around my much smaller self.
"Okay", I let out meekly, nodding.
"See ya guys!", Beaver gives us a smile and I nod back at him with a wave as Cappie guides me the rest of the way through the first floor to get to the stairway.
I feel his hand on my back as he leads me up the staircase, not that I needed it there, I was certainly fine on my own. But if it made him feel better after what had just happened then so be it.
We walk awkwardly to his room, him opening the door and letting me in so I can go sit down on his bed.
Immediately I sink down, letting out a sigh, him closing the door, closing all the loud noise out.
"Ugh that's way better", I nod, relieved now.
"I'm really sorry Casey, we should've just left before this party even started, this was the worst idea ever", Cappie shakes his head as he paces in front of me, looking annoyed with himself.
"It's fine", I shrug. "Seriously. But I… I'm probably just gonna go home though, I kind of just want to be alone".
"Because of what just happened?", He looks at me seriously now.
"No", I shrug, half lying. "I'm just tired and… and emotionally spent".
"Well I want to tell you… I want to tell you why that happened, why I was with those two girls —", Cappie stammers so I cut him off.
"I'm pretty sure I know why you'd have a threesome Cap, it's not exactly rocket science", I cross my arms, giving him a slightly sassy look as I roll my eyes back.
"I know but…", He groans and then seems to put it aside. "Anyways, it doesn't matter as much as you and the baby do, I'm worried about Beaver elbowing you Case. Are you sure you're okay?"
He looks down at me worriedly, looking like he wants to sit beside me but I know he's probably a little scared to do so right now because I wasn't exactly treating him the friendliest after what I'd just found out.
The worst part is… I knew I really had no leg to stand on to be angry at him. It happened back in sophomore year, it's not like we were together at the time. And I obviously wasn't naive enough to not know the reputation Cappie had around here. Hell, I knew most girls had thought I was crazy for dating him, for thinking that he would ever be a one woman kind of guy.
I knew that this wasn't his fault… I was just already upset as it was, not to mention hormonal, and worried about everything that was going on in my life. I thought that I didn't have to worry about me and Cappie at least, that things were on the right track, that they'd eventually work out. Especially after we just slept together.
"I'm sure everything's fine Cap", I assure him, breaking my streak of slight hostility to give him a softer look, knowing he was worried about me and the baby right now. "He mostly just hit me up here".
I gesture up to my ribs.
"And the baby's down here", I gesture further down my body to my lower stomach, between my two hips.
"Okay", Cappie sighs of relief then, looking at me for a moment before speaking. "Well what about I drive you home so you can go to bed?"
I give him a slightly confused look.
"Cap it would take me like… five minutes to walk home", I laugh slightly.
"Yeah but you just got hit in the ribs and it's late and dark and you're tired…", He lists off a bunch of reasons, all of which just make me raise my eyebrow at him.
"I'll be fine, it's okay. And… I'm sure greek row is busy tonight so if you wanna just stay here and enjoy your party we can talk tomorrow", I shrug.
"Casey…", He rolls his eyes in annoyance. "C'mon, you know there's no way that I'm not letting you walk home alone".
"It would be fine if you did", I shrug and then look down into my lap. "It's not like we're together".
"So that's it then?", He looks annoyed now as I look up at him. "One little thing and it's like yesterday didn't even happen? Like having a great day together today didn't happen?"
"Last night… last night happened because of the baby", I tell him. "Because… the baby makes me feel things for you Cap. But that doesn't mean…"
I trail off then, not really knowing what point I'm trying to make.
"Case you can't say that it didn't mean anything", His blue eyes look to me pleadingly. "You know you're the only girl in the world I want to be with. What happened tonight with Siena, it literally means nothing! You know I love you".
"I know you do", I croak out as tears come to my eyes.
"And you love me too", He looks at me frustrated now as the two of us just stare at each other for a moment. "You want to know what I think?"
I just sit there, stone faced, willing my body to not let the tears that were pooling in my eyes fall down my face.
"I think you're terrified", He nods. "You're terrified of getting hurt again because of what happened last Spring. So you think that if we just don't ever try again then you won't be risking anything. And I know exactly how you feel! I did the same exact thing last year when I turned you down at the end of the world party. I was scared too but… Case if I hadn't come to my senses and decided to just take the leap with you we never would've gotten to spend those months together and… they were the best of my entire life".
I can't help but smile a bit now, a tear betraying me and falling down my cheek.
"Why can't you just give this a chance?", He pleads to me, his face more emotional than I've ever seen him. "I know we didn't mean to get pregnant but… there's a reason that it happened and that's because you and me can't stay away from each other. We've tried and it never works! So why keep trying?"
"Because there's a baby involved now Cap!" I let out as my voice cracks.
"Yeah a baby that's half you and half me!", He argues. "A baby that has two parents that love each other and that could be a real family for it!"
I just look up at him, practically shaking I'm so emotional and yet still so unsure of what to say to him. Because of course, he was hitting the nail on the head, I was scared. I wanted to be with him but I didn't want to officially be back together… because then we could break up again before the baby gets here.
I don't understand why he couldn't see that, why he couldn't just keep going with the way that things were.
"Cappie…", Is all I feel I can get out as my body betrays me and a small sob comes out of me.
"Shit…", Cappie's whole demeanor turns soft then. He'd been argumentative with me of course but now he just looked worried… and a little regretful. "I'm sorry, I don't want to make you cry Case".
"You're not", I shake my head. "I'm just really tired and want to go home".
I lie to him, quickly wiping the few tears that have fallen. Then I compose myself quickly, getting up off his bed.
"Okay. Let me walk you home, it's cold, do you want one of my sweaters-", He starts but I cut him off before he can finish.
"I'm just gonna get Rusty to walk back with me okay?", I say awkwardly.
I really couldn't handle talking about this for the five minute walk home. I couldn't even handle talking about this for another second.
"Casey", He sighs, looking downcast. "I don't want to leave things like this, please just-"
"I'm not mad at you okay? I promise", I tell him as I stand beside his door, my hand already on the handle, ready to make a break for it. "I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk".
"Fine, okay", He sighs, nodding, obviously not happy with this.
"Just… just have fun with your friends tonight okay? While you're still here in college", I tell him.
"I'm not gonna have fun with my friends Case", He shakes his head, looking at me like I'm insane. "Not when I know you're upset".
"I'm not. I'm just… hormonal and… feeling insecure and worried now that everyone is finding out", I sigh. "And… going out of my mind in general whenever I think too long about the fact that me and you are having a baby".
I sigh deeply then, putting a hand on my temple, my other hand slinging my purse over my shoulder.
"It's gonna be okay", He moves closer to me to softly rest his hand on my arm.
I wanted more of this right now, needed it. More of his touch, more of his reassurance. I wish he knew that, that I cherished every moment with him like this. That the other day hearing our baby's heartbeat and then coming home so we could finally connect again in that way was one of the best days of my life. Feeling him again like that, moving together, his lips on my neck as I lost control with him…. made even sweeter by the fact that he kept checking over and over again to make sure I was okay.
Just thinking about that right now as I stared at him was making my heart physically ache in my chest. It felt like heartbreak really was a real thing and mine was doing it right now.
I wish he knew how hard it was for me to walk away. Because it was, it was so hard when all I wanted was to feel like that with him all the time, feel like I did last night. Not to just have it be a one time special occasion when I lose my inhibitions after an emotion filled day of hearing evidence of our baby existing for the first time.
"Okay", I nod meekly, giving him a polite smile, as if we're just colleagues, barely more than strangers. "I think I just need some sleep Cap".
"Okay", He nods. "Well I'll check in on you tomorrow. Just be careful not to get bumped again while you're downstairs okay? Rusty will probably be out in the back with the pledges".
"Okay", I can't help but smile a tiny bit then, opening the door slowly. "Thanks Cap".
He nods awkwardly as we stare at each other for a moment before I turn to walk out of his room. Then I can really let my tears fall freely.
Author's Note:
Sorry for the angst guys! I just love writing angstiness for these two! But don't worry they'll be lots of fluff and I won't draw out the will they won't they thing too long. I just feel like these are things that would come up in a real episode, like Cappie's past with other girls in the greek system, Casey's secret about being pregnant getting outed without her knowledge, Casey and Cappie being jealous, etc.
Also thank you to Alicia for the sweet reviews! I appreciate it so much!