Monday 17 October

Got an email from Carla this afternoon. Said this:

Hi Samuel,

I thought you might like to see what your horoscope says. Here it is:

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19):

Today, you are at a pivotal point. Choices you make now will resonate for a long time. Your practicality and determination are your greatest strengths. Seek balance, and consider both your heart and your mind. Even if it's tempting to rush, take your time. You have the wisdom to find the right path.

Take it as you will, but I thought it might resonate with what you're going through. Whatever you choose, know that I'm here for you every step of the way.

Love, Carla

PS: That Juliet Forbes lassie is really cool. You ought to ask her out if you haven't done so already. I'd love to have someone like her as a sister-in-law. Is she musical at all?

Nice of her to think of me, but I wish she'd get the memo that I don't do horoscopes. Sent her an email back.

Hi Carla,

Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate it, but it's a bit vague, isn't it? Something like that could apply equally well to anyone born between December 22 and January 19, or at any other time of the year for that matter. Look up the Barnum Effect on Wikipedia. Psychologist Bertram Forer conducted a study in 1948 where he gave his students "individual" horoscopes and asked them to rate them out of five for accuracy. Only after they'd all rated them with an average score of 4.30 did he tell them that he'd given them all exactly the same reading.

Also, according to the IAU boundaries for the constellations, which is what real astronomers use, on the fourteenth of January the sun is in Sagittarius, not Capricorn. Sagittarius may be where the supermassive black hole at the centre of the galaxy lies, but at 26,000 light years, it's too far away to have any effect on my life on a day to day basis.

Anyway, hope all is going well back up north. I don't know if Juliet is musical or not. Why do you ask?

Love, Samuel

Got an email back from her a bit later.

Hi Samuel,

I should have known a geek like you would say something like that! Do you have to make it so complicated? Remember I'm not a computer person like you.

We were over in Glenrothes yesterday for lunch with uncle Philip and auntie Lucy-Ann and me and Lewis were having a jam with Kirsty and Cameron in their garage. We've decided to start up a band. Lewis on the drums, Cameron on the guitar, Kirsty on the accordion and me on the fiddle. We'll be calling ourselves The Mannering-Trents (obviously) and we'll be doing a mixture of Scottish folk and pop music. Think Andy Stewart meets Capercaillie meets The Proclaimers. It would be nice to get you involved as well when you're home—you could play the keyboard for us. Also if Juliet is musical then she could join us too. What do you think?

Love, Carla

PS: We're also trying to get Kiki involved—we're trying to train her up to sing things like "Scotland the brave" or "Donald where's your troosers" on cue. If we can pull that one off it will be really cool.

Sounds like an interesting venture, and getting involved would be nice. I do play the piano, but I've never played in a band. I question the wisdom of trying to get The Bird involved though. Knowing it, chances are it will tell the audience to shut the door and brush their teeth then do its train-going-through-a-tunnel impression halfway through A Scottish Soldier. I asked Fiona this evening whether she is musical at all. She plays the violin and sings. Said it would be nice for us to book the music room here in College sometime and have a get-together ourselves.

As for "I'm not a computer person"…what do the reasons why astrology is nonsense have to do with computers?! It would still be bunkum even if Alan Turing had never been born!

And so, to get my head round Lorenz transformations and Minkowski space-time for tomorrow's Physics supervision. I've got some Andy Stewart playing in the background as I'm doing so. It's kind of making me feel a bit homesick for Scotland.

Tuesday 18 October

Dreamt last night that The Bird was on Britain's Got Talent playing Auld Lang Syne on the bagpipes, dressed in full Highland regalia.

Had another of those moments in my Maths supervision this afternoon. We were supposed to be discussing Fourier series, but I'd started thinking about what Carla had said in her email about Juliet…er, Fiona, and how I should ask her out. I'm wondering if I should, but there are just so many problems that I don't know how I'd go about it. For starters, Dad would kill me when he finds out who she really is. I'd also hear no end of it from Lewis, who would drive me just about insane with his teasing over it, and that gives me the heebie jeebies. On top of that, there are all sorts of other questions. What if she said no? What if she's already going with someone else? I have seen her with Oliver Bennett from time to time, and also with a German second year medical student called Daniel Hauser. Or what if she's already got a boyfriend back in Lancaster? She's the kind of lass who's so nice and attractive that I can't possibly imagine her not being in a relationship already, and I'm pretty sure that there is no end of other young men who are much more eligible for her hand in marriage than an awkward, useless, unpopular narg like me. It would be nice if there were some way of finding out the answers to these questions, but I don't know who I'd ask about them because I've no idea what they'd do with the knowledge that I was making such enquiries. The last thing I want is to end up as part of the College rumour mill. And then even if I did manage to get over those humps, what would I say to her? What if it came out all wrong and I said or did something inappropriate? The whole thing seems like a complete minefield to me.

Was brought back to reality by Dr Miller saying, "Samuel, are you still with us? Are you OK?"

Apologised and said that there was something on my mind.

Mei Ling said, "I think you mean someone, don't you, Samuel?"

Decided it best not to respond to that one. I said, "It seems to happen sometimes. I'll find a thought comes to me, then it'll lead to me thinking about something else, and before I know what's happened, I've completely lost track of the conversation."

Dr Miller said, "I know what you mean. I get like that myself from time to time if I'm not careful. And yes, having a Significant Other does distract you somewhat. Certainly I get a bit distracted at times by Kathy."

I said, "Who's Kathy?"

Dr Miller said, "My fiancée, Kathy McIlroy. We've known each other since we were at secondary school together in north London. We're finally getting married in April. But it took me ages to pluck up the courage to ask her to marry me."

Mei Ling said to me, "There you go, Samuel. It sounds like Fiona is your Kathy. Are you going to ask her out or aren't you?"

I said, "Can we get back to talking about Fourier series please?"

Physics supervision in the evening with Anna Khoury and Barry Erlick, followed by the pub. We went to The Baron of Beef—the same one where Dad took me on Saturday. I didn't enjoy it as much as I did with him and the family though. It was much more crowded and I found it hard to hear what Anna and Barry were saying above all the background chatter. On top of that I was really struggling to drink the pint of beer that Anna had bought for me. It seems to have the same kind of effect on me as stuff like milk, butter and eggs—the taste and feel of it in my mouth leaves me a bit grossed out. I only stayed a short time before excusing myself and heading back to College, leaving most of it undrunk.

As I was leaving, I could hear Barry saying to Anna, "Bit of a narg, isn't he?"

Wednesday 19 October

There was an Amazon delivery for Fiona this afternoon.

Arrived at about half past three, when I was up to my ears in a Python programming assignment. Finding the roots of a quadratic equation, only with extra requirements that it has to be able to handle weird corner cases, such as where the roots are both several billion and differ by one. At that point, you have to be especially careful because computers normally only store numbers to a limited precision and so you start having to worry about rounding errors.

Fiona was out at a practical class, so the delivery driver knocked on my door and left the parcel with me. I gave it to her when she arrived back an hour later. She thanked me and disappeared into her room with the package, then knocked on my door again five minutes later, dressed in a plain navy blue sweatshirt, blue denim shorts, athletic socks and black Vans skate shoes.

Exactly the same style as what I've been wearing today.

Exactly the same style as what I've been wearing every day since I arrived in Cambridge. Exactly the same style as what I've been wearing for as long as I can remember (apart from when I was at school and had to wear school uniform of course). Mum and Lewis both keep trying to persuade me to introduce a bit more variety into my wardrobe, but it's a style that's become so deeply entrenched as a part of my identity over the years that anything else takes me right out of my comfort zone. I'll put on jeans in cold weather or a navy blue T-shirt when it's really hot, but even that makes me feel self-conscious and awkward.

She said, "What do you think?"

I said it really suited her. And I really meant it. It was quite a compliment to see her adopting my style, and somehow it made me feel all warm and happy and fizzy inside. But at the same time I was scared. I'm pretty sure she was dropping a hint here, and I get it. She wants to be more than just good friends. I want to be more than just good friends. And I got the chance to take it to more than just good friends this afternoon. But for some reason I just couldn't pluck up the courage to do so. Perhaps I'm a bit like Dr Miller in that respect. He was only eleven when he first met his fiancée and he's now twenty-six.

Jenny said this evening that her father's company is hosting a hackathon at the weekend. Asked if we'd be interested in going down to London for it. Lucas, Oliver and Mei Ling are all going, so I said I'd go too. I've never been to London so it'll be an interesting new experience for me. Fiona said she'll come along as well, even though she's not a computer programmer. Said it will be interesting to see what we get up to, and she'll probably learn something new as well.

Thursday 20 October

Chemistry practical today, so I had to wear my jeans. Didn't help that today was an unseasonably warm day, making them uncomfortable, sweaty and itchy. Nor did it help that Fiona was wearing my sweatshirt/shorts/skate shoes combo again. She said to me, "Why the jeans all of a sudden on a hot day like today? Have I scared you off?"

Explained to her that it was because of my Chemistry practical. I was told off for wearing shorts to it last time round, because health and safety. I think she understood, but worrying in case she thought I'd snubbed her, plus the itchiness and sweatiness, made it a more awkward experience than usual. I changed back out of them once I got back from my practical class, but I still couldn't help getting the impression that she was a bit more distant than before.

Carla has sent me a sample of the music she's working on with Lewis, Cameron and Kirsty. It includes a new piece that they've written called "Kiki's Call." It's supposed to be all Celtic and ethereal with a haunting violin track in the background, but it sounds more like a fight between The Bird and uncle Philip and auntie Lucy's pet cat than anything else. But then again, I suppose it's more accurate. After all, if you're going to call your song after The Bird then you might as well make it sound like The Bird.

Friday 21 October

Much colder today—and wet and windy. In fact it was the coldest day I've experienced in Cambridge since I arrived. Decided to stick with my shorts anyway though, in the hope that Fiona might get the memo that she hasn't scared me off.

Didn't see her until lunchtime. She's still wearing a navy blue sweatshirt and Vans skate shoes like mine, but she was in jeans today.

She said to me, "Are you not cold?"

Now I'm worried in case I've put her off by making her think I'm crazy. Did I miss the boat on Wednesday?