Sweet Part Four
Hikaru had to say, he was beyond grateful that his mother's path had crossed with Haru's. He had been worried sick that his mother might decide to join him in death, and while he was grateful that his best friends had been looking in on her for him, Haru was surprisingly consistent in keeping the older woman company every day and making her smile when possible.
It was the first night of Haru's weeklong stay, and Nakoma was happily hugging the girl goodnight.
"Just so that we're clear, young lady, I don't have much tolerance for tardiness in my house. So I advise you to get up the first time I call you, because I do consider ice cubes to be an option."
"She's not kidding," Hikaru added with a wince of remembrance. "If she'll do it to me, she'll do it to you."
"Well, keeping my laptop and cell phone in the living room should help me not get distracted," Haru laughed, kissing Nakoma's cheek. "Thanks again. I really am happy you and Mom like each other enough that I can stay with you."
"Now, getting you back from me, that might be the tricky part," Nakoma drawled, making both of them laugh and share one last hug. "Good night, my dear. Sleep well."
"Sleep well," Haru responded, just about forcing herself to shut the door so that they wouldn't keep talking, with Lily already waiting for her on the bed.
Nakoma sighed happily, though her eyes were still full of melancholy as she walked down the hallway, pressing her fingers to her lips before pressing them to the one-person teapot she had chosen for his ashes. "Good night, my son."
"Good night, Mother," he responded, wishing as always that his mother could feel it when he brushed his insubstantial lips against her cheek as she shut off the few remaining lights and retired to her own room.
Hikaru sighed as he looked around his home. He'd never liked how spooky the place looked with all the lights out. His lips twisted wryly as he remembered once again all the times he thought a ghost was here as a child, but now it was himself.
It wasn't just how dark the place was, he noted as he arranged his soul to look like he was sitting on the couch, but it was nothing more than him holding his soul in the air just over the couch since he'd go right through it again if he forgot he was no longer alive.
Again.
It was the complete lack of anything worth his attention. During the day, he usually watched his mother when it was appropriate, or he would watch the streets with Lily. He was still half-convinced that his cat could tell he was around, but without a pair of hands to physically rub her with, it was harder for her to stay interested in him.
That was something to think about, at least. He hadn't been able to leave the house since his mother brought his ashes here, but he had been able to see how his cat had gone wild for Haru at first glance.
He smiled, grateful that he hadn't seen a single reason why Lily might be lacking in judgment. Anyone that could naturally charm his mother, his friends and his cat was something special, indeed.
Still.
He couldn't help wishing that he could talk to her as much as he wished his mother could hear him. It would have been nice to give proper gratitude to someone that was working so hard not to end his mother's grief but be a steady and loving support for however long it took Nakoma to 'be okay'.
Haru was only four years younger, he couldn't help thinking with regret. That was nothing on the age difference between her and her math professor, that much was certain. His mother had wondered aloud more than once about what would have happened if he and Haru had been able to meet before his death. It had been an accident, but for the life he lost, he still wasn't completely sorry he had tried to go back for just one more person.
That one had been a deaf older man that was actually fine with dying, now that he had gotten his hearing and mobility back. But that hadn't stopped him from thanking Hikaru for trying before he left to watch over his own family.
Although his beloved café was never to be, Hikaru couldn't help thinking about how much fun it would have been to run it with Haru's help. It would have been lovely to have a partner that could pull her weight instead of sifting everything onto his own overworked shoulders. It would have been lovely to have even a female friend that wasn't crazy or driven off by his so-called 'fan club'. He smiled happily, glad that one side effect of his death was that they didn't pester his mother now that there was no 'golden prize' to win.
"Hikaru," a voice whispered just after midnight, making him immediately stand up and fly in a second to Haru's room right through the door.
Haru was awake, dressed in flannel plaid pajamas that he couldn't help finding adorable. She was rubbing Lily's white fur in slow, lazy strokes as the cat slept almost on her chest as her other hand held her head propped up so that she could look at the photo of him on the bedside table.
Hikaru felt a bit embarrassed that it was from when he was ten and had just won an impromptu mud wrestling match against Muta, who had never challenged him to a rematch, much to his disappointment.
Haru was smiling sadly as she gazed at the photo, still whispering to keep from awakening either cat or generous host. "I've been wanting to talk to you one on one for a while now. I don't know if your spirit is still around or if you'd even hear me, but…" She bit her lower lip and sighed guiltily. "There's some things I need to get off my chest without running the risk of your mother's wrath."
Hikaru raised his eyebrows with interest. "Considering how you've wrapped her around your finger, you have my attention," he promised, kneeling next to the bed in a way that placed himself between Haru and the picture so that he could fool himself into thinking she was looking straight at him.
Haru looked to the side guiltily. "I'm not sure if it's the same as fibbing, but I intentionally didn't tell her that I'd seen both of you before the funeral. I didn't know it was your funeral until I got there and saw her and your picture, but we almost met a few times."
"What?!" Hikaru demanded, grateful that one of the few boons his predicament granted him was being able to yell at the top of his lungs and not have to worry about bothering anyone.
No matter how much he wanted to.
"I'm sorry, Hikaru, but… I was one of your admirers," Haru admitted a bit shamefully. "I'd sometimes see you and your mother out shopping in the same market I go to. You were that 'beautiful stranger' I could never get out of my head. When Hiromi saw the signs that I liked someone, I deliberately pointed at a boy in my class that I knew wouldn't go for me because I was worried sick what she'd think if I told her that I liked an older guy because he was both beautiful and had no trouble doting on his mother in public whether she liked it or not. That's literally all I knew about you for a long time."
Hikaru was glad he didn't have to say anything to that, because his brain had gone blank.
Haru kept talking in a low whisper for his ears alone, still looking so guilty. "But because few things terrify me like a gorgeous man looking in my direction, I deliberately picked a time to shop when I'd only catch a glimpse or less of you leaving the market with Nakoma. I'm not shocked at all that you had a fan club, and I was feeling pretty smug with myself that I handled my crush on you better than all of them put together."
Hikaru wanted to agree to that. But he couldn't help wishing that they had been the bashful ones and Haru had been a bit bolder.
If nothing else, he'd have been delighted to only worry about one girl over a pack of them nearly foaming at the mouth!
Haru breathed a deep sigh before continuing. "It really was a surprise when I met your mom that day, since she hadn't been styling her hair from the back the normal way and she wasn't as careful with her wardrobe as usual. I was surprised at how easy she and your friends are to talk to. Frankly, I'm amused that your cat's decided I'm hers now," she quietly giggled while passing a loving look at Lily, who was snuggled happily against her chest and purring in her sleep.
Then her smile faded. "That's where the trouble started, Hikaru. Before I met your mother, you were this… unattainable… star, I guess. Far too out of my reach. I took it for granted you were out of my league. I wasted plenty of daydreams on you, but hey, I'm a teenage girl, it'd have been more shocking if I didn't sometimes imagine what being with you would be like."
Hikaru glared at her and would have started tapping his foot if he thought it would do any good.
"For the record, you still probably are out of my league, but thanks to all the stories, I'm getting a pretty good picture of the kind of person you were. In all honesty, you sounded tired."
Hikaru blinked, losing his bad mood in one of her heartbeats.
"You always did your best to be a good student, son, friend, firefighter, but you had so much pressure on you because of that. I can understand constant pressure," she grumbled under her breath. "Even if I don't have a fan club outside of my creepy math teacher, people at school do it to me, too. I don't know why, but I always seem to turn into the leader whenever there's a group project or a lot of my classmates need a spokesperson. I swear I don't want the responsibility, but no matter how I try, people expect me to lead. Just because I do a decent job doesn't mean I enjoy it, but you of all people know what that's like."
"Oh, yes I do," he groaned, feeling a strange release that she had seen between the lines in the stories his loved ones wouldn't stop telling her.
"It's all I can do to avoid classroom elections, but the point is… you're not a distant star. You're a human, and if you had tolerated me past the initial babble of me trying to talk to a cute guy… we could have been good friends," Haru concluded wistfully. "I'm really no better than your fan club, because I was still duct taping you to a pedestal you never wanted. I'm sorry for wasting the chances I had to walk up and say 'hi'. You might have still turned me away because you were sick and tired of unwanted attention, but at least you'd have had a say and I wouldn't be tortured every day with all the 'what if's'. What if you decided I was funny enough to keep around? What if you didn't mind that I'm still in high school? What if after meeting you I decided we were better as friends? What if you did like me back and wanted to be my boyfriend? What if we did get to team up for that café?"
Hikaru would have started crying at all the questions that could never be answered now, if he only still had tear ducts to do it with.
Haru smiled, though this time it was clear that she was grieving too. "So, this is my punishment. Don't get me wrong; I'm completely smitten with your mother and everyone you hold dear. I'm not going anywhere as long as I'm welcome, but I don't think these questions will ever leave me, and I only have myself to blame. I'm sorry for… taking this decision out of your hands. I know it's a bit much for me to consider myself your friend post-mortem after a confession like this, but I'd give a lot to get my hands on a universal reset button. Just… said hi and backed off so you could finally climb off the pedestal and be a person without any special expectations. I bet you'd have loved it if a girl did that."
Hikaru no longer cared that he didn't have tear ducts. He buried his face in his hands and wept for the future he now knew they could never share.