A/N: Due to popping out so many one-shots that I have 10,000 more words in my one-shot file than in my current story, plus not wanting to drag everyone through six months of my latest angsty period, I am cutting it down to three months by updating every other week again. I have enough ammo to last until Birthday Bash, so we'll see what happens from there.
This idea is based on Isolde of the White Hands, because I don't think time has been kind to her side of things at all.
Pure Hands
Baron Humbert von Gikkingen spat out his tea, since he had to have misheard what was just reported to him! Although it was undignified, he had to beat himself on the chest a few times to clear out his lungs and regulate his breathing.
"Would… would you care to repeat that?" he rasped, giving his captain full attention instead of partial.
Captain Tatsuo nodded, not moving an inch from his proper posture while he waited for the war hero to collect himself. "You heard me correctly, my lord. Shiro's widow gave birth to her baby out in the meadow while your wife was out for a ride today. She was so distraught over a new mouth to feed when she already had five children at home, your wife offered her a monthly allowance in exchange for raising the boy as her own. I thought you would like to know."
Your wife. As uncharitable as it was, Baron had been doing everything in his power to forget the marriage and the woman residing in his East Wing. Not that there was anything wrong with her, she was polite enough to leave him be after he made it plain from the beginning that theirs was a marriage of convenience and nothing more.
But she wasn't Louise.
No one could be Louise.
Baron sighed, suddenly remembering that their anniversary was next week. It somehow felt like a century since he'd gained the title of 'baron' and a wife in his adopted kingdom to make it official. There were times when he could almost audibly hear his home calling to him, but he knew he couldn't dare return and keep his head.
"Shall I tell her to give the widow her baby back?" Captain Tatsuo asked a bit stiffly, as if he already knew the answer.
"… Why?" Baron asked, realizing that this solved a problem for him.
As a lord, he had certain responsibilities and duties that required his wife's cooperation. But if she was going to be cooperative enough to even have a child on her own without the usual scandal, then his own duties would be…
It felt strange that he wanted to think 'less traitorous'. After all, he was the traitor for allowing himself to get roped into an unwanted marriage with an unwanted wife.
"W-Why?!" Tatsuo gasped in shock, breaking his professional stance to stare incredulously. "My lord, she's separated a newborn from his mother!"
"I assure you I will make sure she's outfitted with a nursemaid and whatever else she requires," Baron assured him, deciding that the month's balances could wait as he stood up from his desk. "If she's made arrangements, and the birth mother is satisfied, I don't see why she can't keep the baby. I had best go pay my respects," he sighed, realizing that there was no avoiding this. He made a mental note to ask his wife not to do this again without consulting him first as he walked out of his study. "Feel free to take an early lunch. If all goes well, I'll be announcing the birth of my son before the day is out."
He didn't look behind him to see the captain's expression as he left the room, especially since the man had his own key to lock the door with. His thoughts were completely preoccupied with wishing he could announce a son of his own blood.
But that could never be. The only woman he'd consider conceiving a child with wasn't just married. She was a queen, as she deserved to be. He sighed sadly, once again wishing that he had followed his instincts and stolen his uncle's bride when they'd fallen in love on the way to her wedding. Now even if his uncle died, they couldn't be together thanks to the long list of regulations concerning royal widows and, well, his own marriage as well as an unknown number of marksmen.
'Not that I would consider killing my wife,' he reminded himself with a wince. 'It wasn't like she asked to be married to me. Even if she did, she's kept her distance since I explained myself.'
Against his will, his hand wandered to a gold chain around his throat. There was nothing on it, for the pendant that had originally come with it was now a brooch, resting against a heart that he knew beat only for him.
It had been three years since he'd last seen Louise, but he could still remember every detail of her face with vivid clarity. He spent a few more minutes thinking of her while walking at a leisurely pace toward the East Wing, which he had spent the past year avoiding like the plague in spite of his in-laws' urgings.
His attention was forced back to the present as the door opened enough for a maid to slip through, holding a blood-stained shawl between two fingers with distaste. She looked up to see the lord and began opening her mouth in greeting.
Baron chose instead to press a finger to his lips with a stern look to encourage silence.
"Hiromi, would you mind closing the door? I don't like having it open," his wife called out.
"Sorry, my lady," the servant apologized before Baron slipped into the room and closed it after him.
His wife had her back to him, and she was clearly at the tail end of bathing the newborn since she had one hand in the bowl in front of her and one hand grabbing at a towel at the ready.
"You'll get used to Hiromi," Haru was saying in a warm tone that was already full of love. She carefully eased a small wet baby out of the bowl and immediately into the towel with a strangely practiced ease. "She's a good girl, but easily distracted."
Baron bit back a smile and opened his own mouth to alert her that he was there, but she was already talking again.
"So what am I going to call you, son?" she cooed as the baby made little gurgles and flailed a bit as she stepped a little further down the table, where a diaper, baby gown and blanket were laid out and ready.
Baron couldn't help staring in surprise that Haru had no hesitation on how to fold the diaper in a way the baby would find comfortable, or how little trouble she had working that tiny head and those tiny arms through the correct openings of the baby gown.
All the while, she kept talking to the baby.
"I really do have to be careful, unfortunately. I went out of my way to make it obvious to everyone that you're not a love child I had behind the baron's back, but if I pick a name that someone in the castle has, people are going to have questions, even if I don't know they work here."
The baby cooed at her, making her tickle his bare belly before lowering the skirt part of the gown, since both boys and girls were dressed identically this young.
Haru then heaved a heavy sigh before gently setting the baby into the blanket and swaddling him. "I'm sorry in advance. It was very selfish of me to bring you here, but I had to. I need affection from somewhere, but my maid can only do so much and with her allergies, I can't get a cat or a dog without replacing her, and I think I've sacrificed enough to be 'the virgin baroness' as everyone likes to call me."
Baron blinked. He'd never heard any whispers of such a nickname, even if it was correct.
The baby was now swaddled tightly, and Haru was picking him up to walk over to a comfortable armchair. She sat down, oblivious to the fact that all she had to do was look up to see that her husband was in the room.
The only thing the young woman wanted to look at was the infant in her arms. "Are you getting hungry, son? It was very nice of Setsuko to nurse you before I brought you home. I hope you can wait a little longer while Hiromi gets the goat milk. Don't feel insecure about it when you get older, women in my family don't have a lot of luck nursing. But I turned out just fine on goat's milk, and I'm sure you will too," she assured the baby, leaning down enough to sniff his freshly washed hair with bliss. "Feeding one tiny spoonful at a time will be tedious, but I made sure I knew how to do it years ago."
With that, her smile faded a bit as she rocked the baby and stared out a window in the opposite direction of her husband. "I did everything I could to prepare myself for motherhood. I've been looking forward to it for years. It's not my fault I was married off to someone that doesn't think I deserve the job."
Baron bristled angrily and was opening his mouth to protest, but she was talking again, her tone turning even sadder than before.
"It's just so unfair. I didn't know he was in love with another woman until after it was too late to do anything about it but stay in my side of the castle and sulk. I'm sorry I won't be able to give you a father, sweetheart," she apologized while looking down at the child with grief. "It wouldn't be appropriate to ask anyone but my husband to step up, but he won't even step up for me. Why would he step up for a child that isn't his?"
Baron gaped, since his reason for accepting the child should be obvious.
"Besides, if he wants an heir, he can go find one of his own," Haru added with a bitter dismissal. "I wouldn't want that man to teach you that abandoning an unwanted wife to be scorned and jeered at by everyone is proper behavior. Even my own father and brother want me to get the baron drunk and slip into his room to perform my duties!"
Baron's temper immediately flared, since his own interactions with her family assured him that she wasn't lying.
"I would say that I don't care that it worked on Mother, but that's my reason why I won't force myself on someone that doesn't want me! I still can't believe Hashi didn't mind how our parents were always at each other's throats until Mother died." Haru sighed heavily as she rocked her cooing baby. "I wish she could be here. Hiromi's nice, but her loyalties are ultimately to Baron. Everyone's loyalty is ultimately Baron's, but no one thinks I deserve any. Everyone knows I have the least amount of power in my sham of a marriage, so why is everyone only blaming me?"
"They're not," Baron answered automatically, making her look up with surprise. "I assure you I'm getting trouble for keeping my distance-"
'From you' died on his lips as he stared at her. He'd seen the look in her eyes many times, both in court and on the battlefield, but he wasn't expecting to see such a look on his wife.
Pure, unadulterated loathing. A glare with that much venom usually meant blood in the near future. Her teeth were clenched tightly like she wanted to bite him, and if looks could kill, hers would have left him worse off than if his uncle had gotten his hands on him after all.
"Get out," she managed to say between clenched teeth. "There's nothing for you here, get out."
He tried to shake off the look. "I'm here to-"
"I don't care, get out. Don't make me ruin my son's first day home with screaming at you, get out, just get out. You wouldn't even let me be a friend, I owe you nothing, get out."
Baron blinked. "You would have been satisfied with that?" he asked incredulously.
Still glaring at him, Haru reluctantly stood up, set the baby carefully on the chair, and reached for the poker next to the fireplace. "Too bad you didn't let me ask for that on our wedding night before you ran off like a coward, get out, get out you filthy disgusting excuse of a lord. Don't make me prove how loud I can scream, my son deserves a better childhood than I had, just get out before I take the excuse to skewer you, because few things would please me more." While speaking, she was drawing closer to him while wielding the poker like a sword.
It wouldn't have taken much to disarm her, but she was clearly not in the mood for the straightforward talk he'd come here for. Her flaring temper was somehow even more terrifying in that threatening whisper than if she had indulged herself with screaming every word.
"I'll send for you tomorrow," he quickly promised, telling himself that he was not retreating from the situation as he swiftly turned and slipped back out the door. "And don't name the baby yet!"
"Don't think you deserve a voice about it!" she snapped back, actually kicking the door shut after him!
Baron had to be quick to make sure his fingers weren't caught in the door, and he could hear her angrily lock the door from her side to be sure that he couldn't enter again.
That wasn't really a problem, even if he wanted back in. As the lord of the castle, he had access to every key, and the vines outside her window were likely sturdy enough that he could climb up the wall if he felt the impulse.
He stared at the door, not completely sure what to think of her open hostility. He certainly wasn't expecting her to run toward him with her arms open, but he wasn't expecting to be treated like an enemy, either.
That gave Baron plenty to think about as he slowly walked back down the hall.
Virgin baroness. Preparations for motherhood. Absolutely no interest in sharing the child, even when she got one without his help.
He frowned as the pangs of guilt began to emerge. 'If she had been married off to literally anyone else, she'd have her heart's desires. Even if she didn't like her husband, she'd at least have children to care for.'
Still, 'virgin baroness'? It wasn't like anyone was calling him 'the virgin baron'. Despite his, sometimes petty, wishes to the contrary, he'd been nothing but a gentleman to Louise, and he'd never wished for a woman the way he wished for her.
He stopped at a window and looked out at his baronetcy. While this was not the land of his inheritance, and he was more a prince by blood than anything else, this was his home now. There were a lot of good people here, and plenty to keep him out of mischief until his new king had need of him.
He leaned out the window to take in the scent of the wind, only now realizing that there was nothing distasteful about the scent of the land. His only complaint was that it didn't smell the same as where he had grown up.
… If he hadn't met Louise, and had gotten married to Haru anyway, how would that have changed things? She certainly wasn't repulsive, and he'd seen the way she blushed at him when they met at their wedding. He felt another pang of guilt at remembering that she'd even seemed happy that distant day before he explained that his heart was spoken for.
… He had all the credentials to be a good husband. He'd long looked forward to the day he'd be one. Even if banished, his family was royal, he'd proven himself a worthy opponent in battle, and the king himself had assured him that if a higher rank had been available, he'd be more than a baron. Not that he minded being a baron; in fact, the rank suited him just fine after how cutthroat of a court he had grown up in.
He sighed and continued his walk to his own chambers.
Of course she was going to be hostile. He'd spent almost a year ignoring her until she got desperate enough to take in someone else's child for the love she clearly craved.
He couldn't stop thinking about all the little things he'd done, just to make sure that he wouldn't have to be in the same room as her. Even the Winter's Solstice celebration had been mediocre because in order for him to attend, he'd have needed to bring his wife and sit with her at the high table.
'What would have been so bad about that?' he thought almost indignantly while laying down on his own bed.
It was a bit big for him, but that was the point. He wasn't supposed to be in this huge room by himself, it was supposed to be the marital chambers. His green eyes stared up at the canopy, hating himself a little more at a time until his self-loathing was almost too much to bear.
Haru was right. She didn't deserve this, and she didn't deserve the last year at all. What was done was done, obviously, but how sorry was he?
… Was it enough to start fixing what he'd done?
Of its own volition, his hand wandered to the gold chain around his neck, feeling it between his fingers.
Louise has a child now and another on the way. The reason his uncle had wanted a new queen was for heirs, preferably with an important political connection. Even if her heart still belonged to Baron, her duties were with her husband and their children.
"And mine are with Haru," he admitted, forcing himself to confront the fact that loyalty to another man's wife wasn't doing any of them good. If anything, it was creating problems where there didn't need to be problems. He had a skill for solving such problems, but there was no denying that this one was solely of his own making.
He didn't want to do it. But he knew it was the only way forward.
With a heavy heart, he sat up from the bed and headed for a loose stone he had found after moving into this castle. He worked it loose, his greedy eyes taking in the handful of treasures that he had managed to take with him when he fled his homeland.
Among them was a wooden box he'd inherited from his mother. His hands were shaking as they rose to his neck, but they were eventually able to work the clasp of the chain.
He couldn't help feeling like a pet that was about to be released into the wild. He'd promised this chain was his token to always remember his beloved, but he needed no such trinkets. He sighed sadly, set the chain inside his mother's box, and placed the stone back where he'd found it, throwing the rug back over it to completely disguise it against thieves.
"I might as well stop signing up for suicide missions as well," he said aloud with a certain regret as he got back to his feet. "I'm a husband and father now. I need to do right by my family."
ooOoo
Dear Haru,
After certain reflections, I'm uncomfortably forced to accept that I've been terribly unfair to you. My plan when I call for you in the morning is to give my apologies in person and ask what it would take to start making things up to you, since you made it plain that I've botched things too much for love to happen any time soon. I am aware that even respect is a long shot, but it's still something I should have earned much sooner than this.
If nothing else, it will grant you the opportunity to scold me as you like in the absence of the boy.
I will also ask you to consider how much easier things will be on you if you let me name the child and accept him as my heir. No one has delusions about your virtue, including myself, but you will have an easier time if you let me take care of anyone that has a problem with your arrangement.
All apologies,
Your undeserving husband.