A/N; This one borders the same idea as the first part of Pure Hands, but definitely doesn't happen in the same way as Impure Hands
Pure Hands Part Two
"My lady, he will absolutely care!" Hiromi gasped in horror.
"I'm sorry, are we speaking of the same lord?" Haru asked dismissively as she made careful inventory of what was hers or what had been granted to her since she came to live in this tomb. "I have literally no reason to believe he will have any emotion other than joy when he is informed."
"My lady, you just… you can't!" her maid wailed as Haru folded one of her gowns as tightly as possible before placing it in the same trunk it had arrived in the year before.
"If you were married, would you want a husband that pays attention to you, or one that treats you like the plague?" the young baroness asked point blank, pausing before grabbing the expertly hemmed sheet that she didn't think anyone here deserved to use after she returned to the royal palace.
After all. She might need it for her next home, wherever that might be. Not her father's house, she'd never hear the end of it from him, and she wouldn't put it past the man to force her to work as a servant since 'she had proven useless as a daughter'.
At least Yuki would never allow that. All she had to do was escape this empty place and enact her plan when she met the king that put her in this difficult predicament without a single word of warning.
"My lady, are you even listening to me?!" Hiromi demanded in a slightly shriller tone than usual, breaking Haru out of her thoughts.
"I can't do this, the Baron will never allow it even though he would rather cut off his own limbs than be less than two villages' worth of distance from me, let alone one," Haru recited without much enthusiasm or even emotion as she began folding the large sheet by herself, since her maid was so reluctant. "Was there literally anything else you wanted to say? Because regardless of if I am forced to stay his wife or not, the queen has summoned me to keep her company and help her through her first childbirth. So I will still need to pack for a minimum of a few months. If you are unwilling to help me, would you at least go find a maid that's more willing?"
Hiromi didn't answer, so Haru managed the sheet by herself and tucked it into her trunk as well. She picked one of her favorite dresses next, reminding herself that she needed one dress for the journey to the capital in the morning.
"… My lady, he really won't like this! You know he needs this marriage to be eligible for his title and this very castle!" Hiromi tried again.
"If the benefits of marrying me were all that important to him, he'd have treated me better," Haru responded without a care, folding that dress and setting it inside the trunk.
"But you can't-"
"Hiromi!" Haru snapped, wheeling around to glare at her maid, who jumped back at such a tone, since her lady tried very hard not to lose her temper. "Enough is enough! I gave him a year, he did nothing with it, I'm done! If you're that certain he wants to hold onto someone he can't bear to even look at, why don't you go complain to him instead?!"
Hiromi's eyes widened in desperation. "I believe I will, my lady," she agreed, performing a short curtsy before running out of the room.
"For all the good it will do you," the young baroness grumbled, though she was grateful for the silence. She was tired of silence as a rule, but if her maid was only going to repeat the same four or so sentences and hope to get a different response, then silence was preferable.
While she took inventory of everything she'd want to take with her, she couldn't help daydreaming about what would happen after she got the annulment. She had a foolproof plan to make the king agree even if he wanted her agony to continue, but surely she'd have her cousin's backing once Haru told her exactly what being an exiled prince's wife was like.
No one knew her better than Yuki. No one knew her hopes and wishes for the future better than her dear cousin. Perhaps it was a bit much to hope that she'd be able to marry again after the spectacle she was planning if Lune tried to refuse her request, but she still couldn't help but hope, now that there was a light at the end of this long, terrible tunnel.
It was too bad that she couldn't take everything she'd made with her. But a whole year of nothing to do but read, ride horseback and sew had left her with more sewn items than she could have fit into three trunks.
She was still debating sending for extra trunks when a polite rapping was made on her door. Normally her maid would answer it, but Haru decided it wouldn't kill her to answer her own door just this once.
The young woman opened it a crack to see who it was. "Pazu!" she exclaimed in surprise, opening her door wider. "Did something happen with Father?"
"Not exactly, my lady," he apologized, though he was grinning like he hadn't expected her to remember him by name. He handed her a roll of parchment with her father's seal on the cord holding it together.
"I'm sure you'll understand if I ask you to stay on that side of my door," she apologized while breaking the seal.
"Of course, my lady," he assured her, but stayed silent after that so that she could peruse the letter.
Haru scowled as she looked over the familiar script. "Not this time, old fox. Would you please wait a moment for me to pen a reply? I'm sure the Baron won't mind putting you up for a day or two before you return to the marquis."
Pazu started, like he had been expecting a different response. "You won't be coming with me, then?"
"The queen's messenger arrived this morning, I need to be by her side for the next few months," she responded while walking over to her desk and readying a fresh sheet of parchment after lighting a candle despite the noon sun streaming through her curtains. "As little as he will like it, he's going to have trouble finding fault that I am prioritizing the queen over him." 'Not that I'd ever want to return to his house, anyway. Chances are good that he would spend the whole time trying to talk me into doing what he did to Mother.'
Her teeth clenched angrily at the thought. Her poor mother had been trapped in an unhappy marriage as well. She had few doubts that if her mother had ever gained so much as a shadow of an opportunity to leave her father, she would not have hesitated to take it.
She tried to steady her thoughts while uncapping her inkwell and choosing her favorite quill out of the nearly feathery bouquet sticking out of the glass holder.
Dear Father,
Due to the timing of your summons, I must regretfully decline to pay a visit. The queen has summoned me-
She was startled when fast footsteps pounded up the corridor leading to her room.
"Who are you?! And what are you doing outside my wife's door?!" the lord of the castle angrily demanded as a sword could be heard leaving its sheath.
'He actually came?' Haru thought a bit incredulously before her confusion melted into rage.
He could come when divorce was inevitable, but not before?
"M-my lord!" Pazu stammered as a sound indicated that he was bowing completely to the ground. "I am the messenger of Marquis Yoshioka, delivering a letter! Your lady is writing a reply as we speak!"
'His lady?' Haru angrily returned to writing her letter, both because the scratching of quill against paper would be enough to clear Pazu's name and because she wasn't in the mood to say anything to someone that had dedicated a year to pretending she didn't exist.
-the queen has summoned me to keep her company through her first childbirth. I'm certain I don't need to explain why I must obey her request above your own. Perhaps after she has settled and is willing to release me, I will pay a call on you, but I am unavailable for the time being. I hope this finds you in good health.
There was a sound like a sword sliding back into its sheath. "I will have someone give you the letter later, but for now, I strongly suggest you leave. An urgent matter has reached my ears, and I'm afraid it can't wait."
Haru couldn't resist a sniff that was more like a light laugh. 'Oh no, I ignored the fact that I had a wife, and I'm about to lose her over it. Such an urgent matter, I never noticed because I'm a liar and a self-absorbed hypocrite!'
"I believe the cooks are preparing soup and dumplings for lunch, I suggest you take a meal with the early guard and the royal messenger. I reckon the lady will be a bit busy for a bit."
"As you wish, my lord," Pazu agreed, rising to his feet and running down the corridor as if he was being chased.
Haru could hear her husband walk through her doorway and close the door after him. She even heard him loosen something like a belt before leaning what was likely his sword next to the door. But she didn't turn around, holding up the letter while biting her lower lip.
This was good enough. She wasn't exactly her father's little princess, even if she once wished for it. She set the letter back on the desk, signed it, and began rolling up the parchment before swiftly thinking better of it. "The ink's still wet," she sighed, blowing out the candle instead of reaching for a wax stick for her own seal with her mother's ring.
She could feel him directly behind her. Oh, was he really waiting for her to address him first? What a lark!
Not caring that the royal summons, her letter and her father's were laying open for him to see if he so desired, she slipped out of the chair in a way that meant she didn't have to bump into her reluctant husband so that she could resume her previous chore. "Where was I?" she muttered to herself while rechecking to see if she could fit anything else into the trunk she had brought with her on her wedding day.
"You were going to explain why Hiromi thinks you're going to ask the king for an annulment when you reach the capital," the Baron reminded her with a strained voice.
Haru experimentally opened and closed the trunk's lid a few times while kneeling next to it before deciding that it was definitely full. "Isn't it a bit late to pretend you don't approve of my plan?" she asked, unable to keep from the question or lacing it with all the bitterness she felt. "Lune likes you, and you're useful. I'm sure you'll work out something that doesn't involve me."
Her husband decided to sit on the trunk's lid, probably in an attempt to make her look at him, but she swiftly stood to her full height and marched away to take inventory of the linens she had hemmed over the past year to keep herself busy.
"He likes you too, you know."
"I used to believe that," Haru noted sadly as she counted the bedsheets she might be forced to leave behind. "But then he married me off to some lovesick idiot without a single warning that there was a chance I was going to be treated like an unwanted mistress in my own marriage. So no, I no longer believe that the king has any regard for me. But since Yuki loves me, I have a foothold to work with."
"… I suppose I deserved that," Baron admitted after an injured minute while she looked at literally anything that wasn't him. "But an annulment is not going to go through."
"Oh ye of little faith," Haru murmured darkly, since there was a special leaf already in the hidden pocket of the dress she was planning to wear when she presented her case to the court. "That's something for me to worry about, since I'm the one that wants to move on from this… this limbo. I'll get my way. Unlike you, I'm willing to fight for my happiness."
"You honestly think I didn't fight?!" he roared, clearly triggered as he jumped off the trunk in fury.
"What you did about a bad situation is your problem!" Haru roared right back while turning to face him, since she was not going to be intimidated by him the way her father loved to enforce. "What I'm doing about a bad situation is mine! I gave you a whole year to… to do anything! You did nothing, and I'm done waiting! It's either annulment or I stuff some men's clothes with down and make a giant doll to be a real husband! He won't be able to give me any children, but at least I'll have something willing to hold me!"
Baron did look like he wanted to keep raging, but he stopped short at the mention of a man-sized doll. "You wouldn't," he whispered with horror, clearly imagining what it would look like if she started treating a literal doll like her husband.
Haru folded her arms while still glaring at him. "When a husband isn't happy with his marriage, no one can stop him from taking a mistress even if no one else likes her. When a wife isn't happy, she's expected to give her attention to the children. If there are no children, pets will do. Hiromi has allergies, which is the only reason I haven't taken in a cat or five by now. Everyone knows what happens to wives that take lovers, so even if I considered it an option, there's no point if I'm just going to lose my head over it. What are you going to do if I do make a doll? Take it away? Destroy it? Or my personal favorite; put me on trial for 'cheating on you' with a doll?" she sneered, intentionally twisting the knife. "It would be easier for you to turn a blind eye if you get in the way of an annulment. Do you want the world to eventually find out that you were such a disappointment to me, that I literally made a doll to fill the void because-"
Without warning he pounced on her and wrapped her tightly enough to pin her arms between them.
"Get off! You stop that right now!" she snapped, intentionally stamping on his feet while she tried to work her arms loose enough to push him away. "You don't mean it, now knock it off!"
She could feel his entire body shaking like he had just escaped a snowbank despite the autumn leaves rustling outside her window, but nothing was loosening his grip on her.
"Let me go! You never wanted to hold me, so you don't get to now, let me go!" Haru demanded, trying to beat on his chest that felt like a stone wall, but it only made him hold her tighter as he kept shaking from something she couldn't guess at.
His breathing was labored and heavy as well, almost like he was fighting not to let himself cry. "Not this. Not this."
"Yes, this!" Haru retorted hotly, wishing that if she had to have someone that didn't want her, he'd at least be easier to escape from.
Without warning, he switched one arm's grip much lower in order to sweep her off her feet and start marching like she wasn't flailing in his arms every step of the way.
"Where are you taking me?!" Haru demanded, feeling foolish for being relieved that he was heading away from her bed.
He helped himself to her favorite chair by the fireplace, keeping her across his lap as he refused to loosen his hold in the slightest.
"Stop! Just stop!" Haru choked as tears escaped her control while she still tried to force some distance between herself and the cause of her distress. "You… you don't even… want me… just let me go!"
"I think that's how this mess started," he stated, actually tightening his grip until she had difficulty breathing.
But she had to fight. She had no choice but to keep fighting, even when she already knew she couldn't win against him. "Blast you! This isn't a ploy, you idiot! If I was going to try tricks-"
"You would have tried them not long after we got married," he finished in a low tone like he was trying to calm her down. "I kept expecting it of you, but it was like you had turned into a ghost. That's why I came-"
"Because I know what it's like to have people force what they want on you!" Haru roared at the top of her lungs while making another try to escape his arms. "I thought 'very well, he's not ready to talk to me yet, I'll just wait until he is ready.' A year is plenty of time, and you didn't take it! I'm done waiting, so just take your filthy paws off me!"
Why?! Why did he pick today of all days to remember that he had a wife?!
"… You wanted me to make the first move?" he clarified a bit guiltily.
Now too exhausted to keep fighting, Haru just broke down sobbing. "It's not alchemy! Tell Lune you want a widow that already has children and won't mind being ignored! You don't need me, you don't want me, just let go. Please. I can't…"
It was absolutely infuriating. He didn't lessen his hold at all, but he did start rubbing her back in slow soothing motions as if she were a child while saying nothing at all. If he had held her like this on their wedding night, she could have fooled herself that he cared at least a little bit about her, but it didn't change the fact that if it weren't for Hiromi alerting him, he'd still be content to let her go by herself to the capital and carry out her mission, even if it meant swallowing the leaf to escape this sad excuse of a marriage.
Haru had a headache by the time she was done crying. She felt exhausted enough to take a mid-day nap, but there was no way she'd be able to enjoy one with the Baron still in the room, even if he was taking a handkerchief to her face for both the tears and mucus that had escaped her control.
"I have obviously mishandled things. Go on, Haru. Tell me about the kind of marriage you were hoping for."
"Oh, now you're curious," she croaked bitterly. "I wanted a husband that could be my best friend regardless of whether we were lovers."
The baron flinched like she had taken a whip to him.
Since that was better encouragement than anything else, she continued. "That was what would have come out of my mouth if you hadn't run away from me on our wedding night after telling me I would never be enough for you. I wanted children but speaking as a child that came out of an unhappy marriage, I was willing to put forward a lot of effort to find happiness with whoever I was given to. I think I gave you enough proof of that."
Another flinch.
"You know, it was soul-crushing to hear that you were in love with someone else you wanted to stay loyal to, but if you had been willing to compromise with me, we could have convinced everyone around us that our marriage was nothing out of the ordinary so they would let us handle things without a lot of commentary. I would have been perfectly content to adopt a child and never tell a soul if it meant getting to be a mother."
This flinch was the most violent one, and his arms were still shaking after it was over.
"But you don't want a friend. You don't want a co-conspirator. You have given me literally no reason to believe things are going to change if I keep waiting. Yuki wants to spend our anniversary with me more than you do. I'm still young, and I don't think my expectations are all that unreasonable. I'll find someone better suited, even if I have to marry a peasant."
The baron squeezed her so hard, she had to choke out, "Breathing!" to make him loosen his grip a bit.
"…I've… made… a mistake!" he choked in horror.
"Mistakes," Haru corrected coldly. "Each and every day this past year, you had a choice about me, and you chose wrong. Now let me go so I can make sure everything's ready for me to-ech!" she squeaked without control when he again locked his arms around her tightly enough to empty her lungs.
"I'll make this up to you, I swear."
"Tell the king you agree to the divorce," she wheezed, but she didn't have to turn her head to know he was shaking his own.
"I'll gather some things to come with you to the capital. I'll win you back."
"You never had me!" she reminded him through gritted teeth. "That's the point!"
"It's the point I'm going to correct. Now where is the poison?"
Haru froze.
"Come now, I'm not that big of a fool. Where is it?" he demanded.
"Even if you take it from me, I can find more!" she snapped, recovering from her surprise. "Or I can have a little 'accident' on the stairs, near a window, the possibilities are endless." She didn't dare say the other ways she could get out of the marriage if the king decided not to grant her petition.
Baron hummed at that before deciding to release her. "Then you leave me no choice. I'll be sleeping in here with you tonight before we leave in the morning, when I'll be informing Hiromi to move everything you leave behind to my chambers."
"I beg your pardon?!" she demanded with a furious blush, even as she swiftly got off his lap and took several steps away.
He folded his arms with a stern look, though he gave a troubled look downward as if he didn't think the action felt right without her pinned against him. "If I can't trust you not to hurt yourself, then it's my duty and my right to keep a personal eye on you. For your own safety, of course."
Haru groaned and covered her face with both hands to conceal the blush. "Why didn't you act like this earlier?"
"Well, you did point out more than once that I'm an idiot when it comes to our marriage," he remarked dryly. "After what you've said, I have little choice but to agree with you. Now that it's been forcibly brought to my attention, I would be remiss if I didn't correct my behavior."
"Baron… just agree to the divorce," she begged tiredly, but he didn't budge an inch. "I'm not what you want, you made that painfully clear last year."
"But you are what I need. You've made that perfectly clear today." Almost on habit, he raised one gloved hand to his throat, frowned, and rose the other one as well.
Haru recognized the familiar movements to removing a necklace, but she was surprised to see that no pendant hung from the gold chain her husband removed from his neck.
He rose and offered it to her. "I want you to take this and hide it where I wouldn't think to look for it," he told her with a deadly seriousness. "Louise would understand, she isn't the type to revel in someone else's misery, even if it was for her sake."
Well, that made a bit more sense. Haru was still confused as to why a princess would choose a plain gold chain for a princely lover's gift, but she accepted the chain. "I do know a spot you wouldn't think to look." She looked down at the chain before turning her gaze to her husband again. "You're completely serious!"
He nodded his agreement. "I am. Just give me one more chance. I won't need another one."
Haru looked down at the chain. It somehow felt heavier than it should, considering everything it represents to her husband.
She frowned, thinking about how likely it was that he would cheerfully block every move she made to move forward in any direction that didn't include him. She growled a bit before winding the chain around her wrist for safekeeping before marching to her chest. "Fine, I'll give you the poison. But if you disappoint me again, I'll smother you with your own pillow."
"That's perfectly reasonable," Baron actually had the nerve to say cheerfully. "But I'm still sleeping in here and coming with you tomorrow."
Haru stopped just short of kneeling after she had opened her trunk. She sighed tiredly. "I shudder to think how many tongues will be wagging if you're serious."
"I assure you that's nothing new," he responded tiredly.
Haru inhaled and exhaled to calm herself before kneeling in front of her open trunk. "As long as I have your attention, may I ask if there's a specific reason you chose someone else to handle the castle's business?"
That made him blink. "I was informed that you were no good at running a household."
Haru laughed bitterly while digging around and pulling out the court dress so that she could fold it around for the hidden pocket. "Let me guess; the marquis told you that?"
"Correct. Was he lying?" Baron asked with sudden heat.
Haru pulled the leaf out of the pocket and handed it to him. "I don't think 'lie' is the right term. More like 'let his personal prejudices against women having control of anything be his truth.' Mother was fully trained by her mother, but he never let her handle business of the house, either. She was very much hoping that I would get a better husband than she did and did what she could to prepare me for duties as lady of any castle before she died."
Baron's eyes narrowed as he stared at the leaf, obviously recognizing it as he crushed the plant in his gloved fist. "I see. When we get back from the capital, I will be delighted to find if you can prove the marquis wrong."
"Is the current one not doing a good job?" Haru asked sternly, but he shook his head.
"I used the excuse of doing it along with everything else with the baronetcy as to why I had no time to call on you."
Haru gaped in mortification. "That's madness! How did you have time to sleep?!"
He actually had the nerve to beam at her! "Since that was your first response, I know I won't regret letting you take those duties."
X Or, an alternative way because I can get away with it…X
This was good enough. She wasn't exactly her father's little princess, even if she once wished for it. She set the letter back on the desk, signed it, and began rolling up the parchment before swiftly thinking better of it. "The ink's still wet," she sighed, blowing out the candle instead of reaching for a wax stick for her own seal with her mother's ring.
She could feel him directly behind her. Oh, was he really waiting for her to address him first? What a lark!
"Do I bother leaving a letter for the Baron?" she mused out loud, as if talking to herself.
"Or you could turn around and talk to me," he informed her a bit stiffly.
Haru hummed before pulling out a fresh piece of parchment, deciding that he deserved to know what being treated like a ghost felt like. "He's not likely to hear anything out of me, but at least no one will be able to accuse me of not showing the usual courtesies." Ignoring the sound of indignation directly behind her, she set the letter for her father to the side to finish drying and dipped her favorite quill into the inkwell.
To the Baron von Gikkingen,
I will try to keep this brief since your time is precious to you. After waiting nearly a year for you to give me the chance to ask if we can be friends instead with no result, I have little reason to assume anything other than 'no, you would rather not'.
The baron gave a startled sound, like he hadn't been expecting that.
Naturally, I have no choice but to respect such a decision. However, I've had my heart set since before I can remember on a happy marriage with children, whether or not I've birthed them myself. I still am perfectly willing to work for such a goal. But since you are indifferent if it's not the lady of your choice, I am going to ask King Lune to annul the marriage since I have been summoned back to the capital. I will need to wait until after my cousin gives birth since I don't want to cause any additional stress on a pregnant woman that may just be the only person to truly love me. If you wish to send me a letter expressing approval, I will deliver it to the king when I make my petition.
He was barely breathing, but Haru didn't see a point to stopping now.
I assure you that I will be successful dissolving our sorry excuse of a marriage, no matter the cost. I will do what I can to convince the king to replace me with a widowed mother that prefers to be alone to fulfill your obligations without compromising your loyalty to your true lady.
I would be lying if I said I don't hold resentment to you for shutting me out so completely. But just like I am hoping for my own happiness, I hope you find a way to be happy too, because it's clear that we never will be if I am forced to wait another year or more for you to remember that I wasn't a bad dream.
Haru was debating whether that was a good place to end the letter when the baron suddenly threw his arms around her shoulders and knelt behind the chair to pin her in place in a near collapse. She opened her mouth to indignantly protest at him choosing now of all times to put his hands on her, but a broken sob cut her short.
The man she had been literally crying over for nearly a solid year for never giving her a chance was weeping! The shoulder of her gown was soon wet with his tears as he buried his face in her long brown hair, crying like a child that had lost a parent.
"I'm sorry. I'm… so sorry. I didn't… not this. Didn't want this."
Haru didn't care that he couldn't see the glare. "Well, what did you want?" she asked stiffly.
He tried to speak more than once, but just couldn't seem to find more words.
"Fine. How long was I supposed to wait until you were willing to speak to me if Hiromi didn't warn you I was done?" she asked more pointedly.
"I… I don't know. There was never a plan."
Haru scowled and gave some fierce pinches to the arms holding her by the shoulders. "So you were hoping I was a bad dream. Don't worry, you'll be waking up soon enough."
He did flinch at the pinches but regained his hold on her before she managed to stand up from the chair. "No! No, I'm sorry for everything. You didn't deserve how I handled things."
"No, I didn't," she agreed, shifting the letter to the side since it had done what it needed to. "So if you could start writing up that letter agreeing to the annulment-"
"No!" he repeated again like a child, squeezing her from behind almost enough to take her breath away. "I'll be better from now on, I swear!"
"Swearing oaths, my lord?" Haru asked bitterly. "To the person you already broke a public oath to? That's not why I'm doing this. The only thing I've been interested in forcing on you is the understanding that I'm not the sort to manipulate, play mind games, or flat-out drug someone else to 'fulfill my duties' or get what I want out of someone. No matter how many people are pressuring me to do one or more of the above. I want to try again with someone that appreciates that I would rather behave with dignity."
"I have been appreciating it," Baron insisted, holding her tight in spite of her attempts to stand up from the chair. "I'm sorry I haven't been saying so, but I was expecting you to try something shady from the beginning. I grew more nervous the longer you did nothing until it hit me that you really weren't planning to catch me off guard."
"Not that it made you ever voice it, which would have been appreciated months ago," Haru managed to say between gritted teeth. "Now let go so I can finish packing."
"No!" he stated, reminding her of babies when they learn a new word.
Haru growled deep in her throat that he really was choosing the last minute to start acting like he cared. "I am leaving in the morning. Yuki will send soldiers to fetch me if you try to interfere with that."
"Then I'll come too," he insisted, keeping his face buried in her long brown hair. "I'll win you back."
"Ha ha, aren't you droll?" Haru retorted sarcastically. "You may not know what you've wanted the past year, but I know what I want. You've made it very clear I don't have a future with you, so I want one that doesn't have you."
"… I deserved that," Baron admitted while flinching. But he still refused to let go, sighing after a while. "I'm sorry. I was so focused on 'what could have happened', I wasn't thinking about a future I could have at all."
"I noticed," Haru stated a bit angrily, now trying to wrestle herself out of his grasp since the chair was no longer comfortable. "Just let me go, already!"
Much to her surprise, he actually did. But in the time it took her to stand up from the chair, he was also standing and had already swept her off her feet in a bridal hold so that their height difference was no longer a hindrance to look her straight in the eye with a remorseful but determined expression.
"No."