I think this chapter can be considered the end of the arc and I thank you for reading it to the end (This is the arc that gave birth to this fic, so it means a lot to me ^^). Of course, It won't be a complete break, with the characters back in top form by the next chapter, but the main conflict has been resolved. (And I may be criticized for doing it quickly and simply, but somehow I couldn't see things being resolved in a more convoluted and complicated way).
As I thought about how to resolve my conflict, I couldn't see myself resolving it with the classic anime Pokémon fight, especially since Serena isn't a fighter. So I asked myself what one of Charizard's characteristics was, and the answer came pretty quickly: he can fly! As for Serena, her Pokémon racing skills have been shown many times, so switching her from Ryhorn Racer to Charizard Racer was pretty obvious ^^.
Sure, there's a little battle at the end, but the element that really gets Serena out of her vicious cycle is training with Ash. The fight alone wouldn't have solved anything and would only have made things worse, which is why I don't see it as an element of resolution, but rather as a kind of practical application.
For the POVs, I hesitated a lot between Ash and Serena for the flight session, so I wrote both versions. In the end, it seemed to me that Ash's POV had already been developed and didn't add much except for the moments when he was nervous about having Serena so close, and that was something the reader could easily deduce from a few clues x).
There's only one Ageratum flower in my garden
A joke? Yes, it had to be a joke, it could not be anything else.
"You need a real trainer. Someone who doesn't make mistakes. Someone who doesn't waste your time with contest fights."
She stayed calm, maybe even relieved to tell me that. I... I knew that I'd been hard on you, that I'd gotten angry, that I'd blamed you. It would be enough for me to forgive you, to smile and tell you that it was nothing, that it wasn't your fault... A comforting hand on my arm, orange eyelids reflecting me calmly.
"I've already tried. I really tried, Braixen, and all she found to do was... I can't," I confessed.
"It's human."
I could feel Serena's eyes on me. She asked me why I didn't push the pokemon away.
"Braixen... I already told you, he has the right to..."
"No," the vixen said. "He's not a pokemon, he's not like us, he's not like Minun, so... Maybe we're too used to forgiving people, accepting everything they do and helping them. But you can't ask the same of him as you do of us."
Could you hear her, Serena? If my voice couldn't reach you, at least Braixen's could. The cold lump in my stomach melted and burned my insides, determined to remind me what it was. You shouldn't speak, Serena, I already knew what you were going to say, but if I heard it...
"He has to go."
My scales rose and my tail hit the ground. I could feel the blood pulsing and spreading through my wings to dissipate the heat that threatened to make me explode. It was for her! It was for her that I hadn't immediately gone looking for a way to become human again. It was for her that I'd entered these contests. It was... it was for her that I'd evolved and now... She spoke as if I didn't give a damn about her, as if I only saw her as a means to fight. She insulted me. This coordinator insulted me, and she didn't even have the courage to look me in the eye to do it!
"Well, well, things don't look too good between you two," the old lady who had taken us in interrupted.
The grandmother, barely taller than when I was a charmeleon, had stepped between the trainer and me. Her wrinkled face smiled at me, so much so that I thought she was mocking me.
"Mrs. Roc! You shouldn't..." Serena panicked.
Was she afraid I was going to hurt the poor granny? I may have been upset, but I wasn't an out-of-control monster!
"Excuse me, young lady, but I need to check something," she said, calling for a rhyperior.
The roar of the large rock pokemon was enough to make me take a step back. I had never believed that she possessed such a powerful pokemon. But I wasn't in the mood for a fight. I didn't stay any longer and flew to the top of a ledge to lie down and pretend to be asleep. After all, if I didn't care about her, I might as well enjoy it! And why not go right back to Pikachu? I had wings, the weather was nice, the coordinator was determined to get rid of me.
I raised my hand. An unpleasant tingling, different from pain, had crossed my face. I touched the mask. The scales didn't move, their warmth was gone, I couldn't even feel the fine pulse that usually ran through them. And when I raised my fingers, when I tried to touch that fine tingling line in the middle of my face...
"Serena!"
What was it doing? What was that pokemon doing? I jumped, it charged, its horn spinning, green splinters on my hands, the swelling squeals, and then... I crushed the rocky skull, the armor cracking beneath my claws as the vibration of the shock spread through my bones. The drill stopped spinning, and the pokemon retreated cautiously. My arms shook, my wings burned, my breath ragged as I called out to her.
"Serena..."
Behind me, on her knees, collapsing in fear, the collar of her dress had shifted slightly. The bandage, the skin that would hold a scar.
"Flannery wasn't lying, I guess what's under there isn't pretty," the still smiling old woman said.
My fists tightened. Serena always took care of herself, and when she said she didn't care about keeping a mark... She was lying. She was lying to me! Even if it was to protect me... You could hate her! I wanted you to hate her, to tell me that you hated her! A bit of smoke escaped from my jaw. Right now, there was something much more important. Specifically, that old woman caressing and congratulating her monster after it nearly impaled my trainer.
"You are very fond of her, my little Charizard."
Not a hint of remorse from the woman. Smoke billowed before my eyes, my scales vibrating and clattering against each other as the emerald glow returned to my hands. Serena screamed, begging me to stop, but you didn't want to be my trainer anymore, did you? So there was nothing to stop me... My windpipe was crushed, collapsed by Rhyperior's powerful hand. I clawed at the rock, twisting my neck to bite at it, but it wasn't enough. I hit the ground, pinned under the monster's claws. I spat, my throat still held tight, the rest of my body trapped beneath this living mountain.
"Calm down, dear, I didn't mean to hurt her. And I think I understand why you won't listen to her," Mrs. Roc said calmly.
So let me go! Otherwise Serena will... Too late. I heard Serena scream and saw her grab Rhyperior's arm and pull on it, forcing the pokemon to release me.
"Leave him alone!"
Her fingernails were splitting, her face contorted from the effort, and if she ever angered the monster... My voice was choked, I couldn't yell at her to back off.
"Do you know why Charizard evolved?" asked Mrs. Roc.
"I told you to let him go!"
"I'll think about it if you answer me," the old lady replied.
As if to confirm her mistress' words, Rhyperior loosened his grip around my neck slightly. I could feel that Serena was hesitating, but at least she seemed to understand that she wasn't going to help me with the strength of her arms.
Serena explained, whether it was Arthur or my so-called will to defeat my opponent. That this was all that mattered to me, that the rest could burn in the magma... If only that were true. If only I could forget the lava that nearly engulfed you, the horror I felt when your breathing faltered, and the constant fear that it would all happen again. But you didn't care what I said. All you could hear was the growl of a pokemon, and you were determined to throw yourself in front of me, to make me relive this nightmare.
"Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for Charizard?"
"It's the only thing I can do."
"You are a worrying young lady," the old woman sighed. "Rhyperior, you can release him."
Rhyperior didn't seem to agree, but he stepped back anyway. I stood up and saw the old lady smiling with all her teeth. Suddenly she raised her stick and pointed the sharp end at Serena.
"Have you ever flown on Charizard's back?"
Charizard's back? The old lady's teeth were too beautiful and white to be real, they had to be dentures and... My back!?
Me? Get on his back? That was a joke! No, Mrs. Roc... Stop looking at me with those serious eyes!
"I... I've never heard of them flying with anyone."
And anyway, mine would never agree, not with me. The old lady's smile broadened. I felt uncomfortable, with the unpleasant sensation of being stared at by a Luxray.
"So what do you say we try it now?" she suggested.
"But... His evolution is still new and..."
"I don't see the problem, it's better to teach him early. And if you want to get to your contest on time, you won't have a choice."
I lowered my head, not daring to look into the old lady's eyes. Asking the dragon to serve as a means of transportation for a competition that didn't interest him... Luckily, I didn't have to explain it myself. Flannery was approaching, and I had no doubt that she would be delighted to praise contests and my "incredible" talents as a trainer.
"You should listen to her, even though I think Mrs. Roc is taking risks."
Why didn't Flannery disagree? I had already told her she could take my pokemon... wasn't that enough for her?
"I'm telling you..."
With a smooth gesture, the old woman rearranged the brown scarf around her neck. She ignored me, more concerned about the leader's lack of confidence than anything I might say.
"It's too urgent for half-measures, Flannery."
"You've seen the state of her arm, she'll have trouble holding on."
"Charizard will be more careful, that's all."
They settled their business between them, not caring what I thought. Mrs. Roc was old, but she wasn't blind. She must have understood what the fire pokemon thought of me. As for Flannery... There was no need to tell her about my injury in the first place, but what had I done to make you so angry?
"You don't understand! He'll never accept..."
I heard a growl and a flapping of wings behind me. It would make things easier if he was back on his ledge.
"I'm glad my little one agrees with me," the old lady laughed.
I turned and stood there speechless. The pokemon had crouched down, its wings spread so that I could easily pull myself up onto it.
"So, Serena? Are you going to keep your pokemon waiting?"
"He can't accept..."
I spoke mechanically, even though I wasn't so sure myself. Even though I could still see in the monster's eyes that it hated me, it was also as if... Was he waiting for me?
"Even if it's just my humble opinion, I think this exercise will help you understand your pokemon's point of view."
I shook my head. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but there was no way he would agree. Except that Braixen didn't take my reluctance into account and started to push me towards the monster.
"Wait, Braixen!"
"Xenbraix Xenbraix," the fox pretended to be worried.
Her two hands gripped my shoulders tightly, giving me no escape. To make matters worse, my other pokemons had come out to help. Plusle and Pancham were at my feet, and Sylveon was pulling on my wrist with her ribbons. As for Minun, he was deep in discussion with the reptile, which I could hear more and more clearly.
"Minunmi, nun."
It sounded like he was giving advice to the fire monster. A bit like a master and his apprentice, his very large apprentice capable of reducing him to ashes in a second.
"Char, Chari," he grumbled.
I was reassured that he wasn't being aggressive, but that didn't solve the main problem.
"Please! I'll make you pokepuffs! Lots of pokepuffs!"
They didn't stop. Sylveon forced my hand over the last few inches of empty space. First the tip of the nail, then the pulp of the middle finger, then the fingers one by one, and finally the palm, which made the scales tremble. I closed my eyes, waiting for him to spit out his flames or chase me away with a swipe of the tail. But except for the scales warming gently against my palm, nothing happened. Had he fallen asleep, unaware that I was touching him?
"Chari," he snapped.
I swallowed, my pokemons pushing me, and without really knowing how, I found myself sitting on him, just in front of his wings.
"I'm not too heavy?" was all I could say.
His muscles tensed under my hands, and he gave me insecure, even embarrassed looks. This behavior reminded me more of Charmander or even Charmeleon, and his scales even began to redden.
"Now fly!" Mrs. Roc shouted.
A little too hard, because he got caught in his movements and crashed before he'd even left the ground.
"Did you hurt yourself?"
I quickly stepped off his back to relieve him. He shook his head and spat out the dust he'd swallowed. This was a bad start. I was used to rhyhorn races, but there was a distinct difference between a pokemon that walks and one that flies.
"Minun, Mi!"
The little monster's words cheered up the reptile. But I still had no idea what to do.
"Don't give up at the first tryn," Mrs. Roc said, more to me than to the pokemon.
The dragon seemed more focused and determined than ever. He remained calm, letting me find my feet so I could return to my previous position. I didn't feel very stable, but he was already flapping his wings. Muscles twitched against my legs, the gust of wind he created lifted my hair and coat, while dust stung my eyes. I screamed, surprised by his flight. The ground was getting farther away, and my pokemons were getting smaller... Too high! Much too high! One of my feet slipped, and my hands had no grip on the scales. I was going to fall! I was really going to fall!
"Come down! Come down now!" I begged.
I stopped paying attention to my position and grabbed his neck as hard as I could as my body leaned dangerously to one side. My arm! My arm hurts! With me in complete panic, it was impossible for him to stay up. The dragon scurried back to solid ground before I could stop it from moving for good. I breathed a sigh of relief as I hit the ground. My shaking continued and my head was spinning. I never wanted to do this again.
"Don't tell me you're afraid of heights..." the old woman suspected.
My face must have been as pale as my arms. I concentrated on my left hand, forcing it to open and close. Yes, I was afraid of heights. And how was I supposed to hold on with this arm!
"You don't trust Charizard enough, that's why you stop him from flying. And don't use vertigo as an excuse! As far as I know, your pokemon isn't a suspension bridge!"
"But we're going really high," I groan. "And it's not like Rhyhorn, I don't know how to help him fly."
The stern face of Mrs. Roc prevented me from continuing. No matter what I said, nothing would convince her.
"Start by tuning into Charizard's senses," she replied.
I blinked. Tune in to him? How was I supposed to do that?
"First, get on his back."
I met the pokemon's gaze, ready to do it again despite the bad move I'd just made. You didn't want me as your trainer anymore, and yet you were doing your best to succeed, to fly with me.
"I'm coming." I closed my eyes to focus. His strong breath, his soothing warmth, his slightly spicy smell and his heart... "Are you sick? Your heart is racing."
He must not have liked my comment. He flew away even faster than before. I pressed myself against him again, screamed and closed my eyes. I shouldn't have come back up, I hated it!
"Char!"
He should have gotten angry, tried to knock me down because I was in his way, but... His scream was like he was encouraging me. He moved less, the sound of his wings quieting, and he let me rest my feet on his shoulders while I settled back down. I stayed against him for a while, completely motionless as he glided on the wind. And then, overcome with curiosity, I couldn't help but look over his shoulder.
Cloud-capped Mount Chimney loomed in the distance, surrounded by a tapestry of forests. The desert was also visible, its motionless waves reddening in the sun. Everything was so far away, but he was so close. His long lizard neck, his fanged mouth, so frightening...
"It's beautiful," I murmured.
You relaxed. I could tell by your calm breathing, the few sparks you let out without noticing, your wings caressing the wind. Could I forget? Your hatred, your desire to leave, could I leave it all to the wind? A strong gust of wind hit my face. Hot, dry, full of sand. I heard the tail flame crackle, the wings snap, his whole body struggling to regain its balance. But the more he struggled, the more the storm pushed him back against the sharp rocks of the cliff. If it continued... Tired, heavy, Mount Chimney that had torn away my shoulder, the desert where my failure was etched. You couldn't fly because of me, just like you couldn't fight the way you wanted to. As long as I was there, you'd never be truly free.
The cliff was getting closer and I could feel him getting weaker. I had bullied you, hurt you, disappointed you, and as much as I blamed myself, I still hoped I could change things. I stroked his scales and thanked him for having been kind enough to grant me, yet again, one last chance.
"You'll be better off without me," I promised.
I closed my eyes and let myself slide, feeling the roughness of the scales one last time before I lost them. My throat was too tight to let out a single scream, but I could hear the howling that accompanied the whistling of the wind. How much longer? All I had to do was open my eyes and look to find out.
I stopped. No pain, but the feeling of an even stronger wind pushing me back. I opened my eyes again, Sylveon's Fairy Wind surrounding me, holding me in the air as if we were in the middle of a performance. I craned my neck as two scaly arms encircled my waist. Pink mist swelled his wings and flames flickered around the edges of his lips as he kept his eyes locked on me. He descended slowly, aided by Sylveon, who gradually reduced the power of her attack.
"I'm so relieved you're okay."
My back ached, I think my muscles had overreacted to the shock. But at least this time I'd been able to help him.
"Zard..." he breathed softly.
He set me down, released me and stepped back. He spread his wings, definitely ready to fly. I wanted to smile at him, to prove that I understood, that I had no regrets, that I was at peace. At least he could be proud of our parting. But I couldn't understand him. When he threw me to the ground, when anger and hatred burned in his eyes, what had I done? He curled his lips and brought his fangs to my face as...
"What do you want?"I trembled.
The pressure he put on my arms increased, the air heated up and so did I...
"I'm doing my best!" I shouted. My anger was rising as well. I'd accepted that he wanted a new trainer, that he hated me, that he pushed me away. "It's never enough, and no matter what I do, I'm never worthy of you, never strong enough for you. So why do you stay? Why haven't you left with Flannery?" My voice choked with fear. Lightning flashed through his fist, covering it as he armed it. This attack... Oh, I'd been so stupid. To think he'd learned it to protect me, what was I thinking back then?
He bit. On his own arm. His face contorted in pain as he pulled at the scales, the lightning making his blood tingle.
"What are you doing? What are you doing?! Stop it! Stop this now!"
The wounds on his arms that never healed, the wounds he made fighting other pokemons... No! No, don't tell me... The flesh on his elbow gave way. Like an overstretched rubber band, it pulled back with a jerk and hung limply in his mouth.
"You stick to your own view of things without even trying to understand Charizard's feelings."
I'd had enough of this woman's advice! It was her fault! If I hadn't flown with him, if I had let him go... Oh, why did you do this? Why are you hurting yourself like this? I yelled at the pokemon, at Mrs. Roc, angry, mad with rage, while he spat out his skin like it was nothing, like it didn't matter. And the woman looking at me, boasting that she understood what I could not. The same eyes as Flannery, the same accusations...
He let go of me, stepped back, now you were going to join the leader. That way, she could heal you, since you wouldn't let me touch you, and then you would become her pokemon, the pokemon of a gym leader. But he passed Flannery, and she did nothing to stop him, to keep him from going into the desert. He staggered on, head down, wings and tail rubbing the ground.
"Was flying with him a waste of time?" asked Mrs. Roc.
"You saw it! You saw it, didn't you? It... it didn't do any good, it only made things worse."
"Really? Well, if you had followed my advice correctly, you wouldn't have had any problems."
I continued to watch the pokemon as it walked away. What advice? How could I avoid hurting him? My other pokemons didn't dare look me in the eye. They must have been ashamed of me too, of what I'd done to their comrade.
"Go to him."
Flannery's order took me by surprise. It would be better for her to go to him, to help him, to take him with her.
"You're a better trainer than..."
"Yes, Serena. I'm an experienced leader, you're a novice coordinator. I'm a fire-type specialist, you're just getting to know the peculiarities of a charizard. Entrusting him to me is the best solution, the most intelligent, the most logical, anyone would tell you, I'd be the first to tell you, but... He's capable of getting angry. Don't you see? He can blame you, he can say it's your fault, all that... And you don't even realize how lucky you are."
I was stunned, wide-eyed, and at that moment I was sure Flannery was waiting for me to ask her a question. But hadn't I already used all three?
"You really know nothing about him?"
"Absolutely nothing."
"I was only allowed three questions."
"You didn't use any of them."
Of course I didn't. Flannery had been clear from the beginning.
"Will you wait for me here?"
Neither the pokemon nor the humans replied. I put my hat back on and blew out a long breath. Just wait for me. It won't take long Charizard.
I ran through the fields, calling his name and praying he hadn't disappeared into the ochre sand. Finally I found him, sitting on a log with his back to me. You wish you'd never had me as a trainer, me who limited your potential, who loved these pointless competitions. All those accusations... I wanted to hear them from you.
"Am I a good trainer?"
When he turned around, when I concentrated, just like when you took me up into the air... Flames of anger and hatred in your eyes, of course. And yet, in that moment, I recognized something else, the emotions that sustained them. Worry, fear, how long had they burned? I sat down beside him and brushed the band from my wrist. The monster's bloody arms, its thinness, its dull scales, its weakened flames. It was all my fault. I could hear it, accept it.
"Am I hurting you?"
Its teeth appeared, its hands reached out, you could tear me with your claws, bite me, burn me. You could hate me for making you suffer so much, you could... hug me? I stood still, not knowing what he would do. This pokemon, this evolution, it frightened me because it wasn't Charmeleon, it wasn't Charmander, it was... You growled an exhausted "yes" into my ear. I hurt you, you said so yourself, so why did you keep me against you? Why did you always catch me when I fell?
"Do we... do we have to part?"
Hot tears soaked my neck, scales rubbed against my cheek as the wings surrounded me. The one who must have hated me, who would never find me worthy of him, who wanted me gone... Who had taken the time to fly with me.
I caressed his cheek. I had sacrificed myself for him... What did you feel at that moment? His bloody arm, the black clots that had formed, the pain in his face as he mutilated himself... How could I have ignored him all this time? Why did I look away? But... I still hadn't... despite everything I had done to him, I still hadn't...
"My Charizard..."
His hands clutched at my clothes, his moans turning into painful gurgles. How could I expect you to forgive me if I'd never told you?
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
I felt him tense up against me. Maybe he was planning to get angry, to sulk, to make me regret worrying so much... Some other time, okay? When you feel better, when your tears have dried, I won't leave, I'll wait so you can shout everything that's on your heart. I stroked his head, his neck, the back of his horns, waiting for him to dry his tears.
"You finally listened to him"
Flannery's voice. She must have gotten tired of waiting, and I knew exactly what she wanted. The leader pulled a pokeball from her belt, which swelled in her hand and then exploded in the sky, releasing Magcargo. Charizard stepped aside, rubbing his reddened eyes and nose, his flame burning so intensely that I doubted I could hold him back. However...
"Wait!" I shouted.
Flannery frowned. She might have thought I was trying to delay or even avoid our confrontation, but there was no way I was sending him into battle in this state.
"I will fight you," I assured her, "but let me tend to his wounds first."
I expected her to laugh in my face when she heard I was going to take care of him myself. But the leader sighed, as if I'd insulted her, and tossed me the bag I'd left at Mrs. Roc's house.
"Take all the time you need," she said.
Charizard seemed to agree, as evidenced by the flame at the end of his tail subsiding.
"You agree to..."
He held out an arm. I was so afraid of this confrontation, this test, the outcome of which would determine whether or not he would stay with me. But as I finished covering his wounds, I felt that this was not the purpose of this fight, and perhaps it never had been.
"Show me that you can overcome me, Miss Coordinator."
Breathing calmly, concentrating, trying to tune in with him. My pokemon's nervousness, my aching shoulder, the memories of Mount Chimney. Magcargo attacked, hurling magma-soaked rocks at my friend. Your terrified face. The look on your face as you turned to me in panic. But it was you this attack was aimed at, not me, and...
"Dodge!" But he charged headlong at the huge blocks, ready to destroy them with his claws. Why did you still refuse to listen to me? And Slash couldn't... Huge green claws covered his hands and shattered the stones. That attack... I'd seen other pokemon use it before, but you... When did you learn it?
"Didn't you notice?" asked Flannery.
"What... What are you talking about?"
The leader rubbed the back of her head in disappointment.
"You figured out why he evolved, didn't you?"
My cheeks suddenly heated up. I... I'd already passed out, so I couldn't have known. My wound suddenly burned and I grimaced in pain. I wished I'd been more discreet, that Charizard hadn't turned to me and I'd seen in his eyes...
"So, Serena, are you going to tell him? Or do you need a few more flying sessions?"
I'd really seen it. That green glow coming down from the sky that had stopped Rhyperior before he reached me. But at the time, it seemed so strange, so stupid, that you would...
"Come on, Magcargo, we've given them enough time," the leader ordered.
My pokemon kept his eye on me, oblivious to the enemy's attack. If you wanted to defeat him, you wouldn't waste your time looking at me. Even if you wanted to win, there was nothing to stop you from dodging. I knew it, I knew it well, even if it was still hard to admit, even if I was still afraid of being wrong.
"Please, you must avoid this attack." He tensed so much that blood soaked the clean bandages. I'd apologized, but you wanted more, you wanted to be sure. Charizard... Did you really want me to say it? All my mistakes, everything I was ashamed of, everything that made you suffer... "I'll be careful! So that you don't have to blame yourself anymore, so that we can fight together again... You can dodge! Because this time... I know I can let you down!"
His eyes widened for a few seconds before his face relaxed. He flew away, dodging the rocks the snail kept throwing at him.
"You're all red," Flannery laughed.
"I know I am!"
The gym leader was terrifying; I had no idea how to defeat her, and my orders weren't much use to my pokemon, who might even be better off without me. But he listened to me, and no matter how many attacks he received, no matter how many of his own failed or were countered, not once did he refuse to trust me. He finally dropped out of the fight. A crushing defeat in spite of our best efforts. I stroked his head as Flannery approached.
"Will you be a trainer worthy of him?"
"Even if I wasn't... Would it be enough to abandon him?"
"It wasn't."
My dragon opened an eye, he must have guessed, but...
"We lost."
I expected him to be sad at this announcement. But what he did surprised me, and... He...
"Chari?" my pokemon worried.
"No, it's nothing."
"Zar..." he guessed.
"Your smile," I explained. He tilted his head to the side without understanding. "It's... it's the first time you smiled at me... as Charizard."
He brought his hand up to his face, searching his memory for an example to contradict me.
"It looks like I can go home," Flannery announced suddenly.
I didn't think I could be saddened by this news; in fact, I felt relieved.
"At least pretend you'll miss me," she grumbled.
She didn't scold me any further, contenting herself with a wave of her hand before heading back into the desert. She didn't even come back to say hello to Mrs. Roc. Suddenly, I heard my pokemon's belly growl in a way I could hardly believe. He put his hands to his stomach, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. In fact, I was getting a little hungry myself.
"Do you want me to cook you something?"
"Charrrr... Chari," he frowned at the last moment.
I stood up and stretched. Were you so eager to make me feel guilty?
"Then I'll just cook for myself," I emphasized the last words.
And if some scrounger decides to do something, there's not much I can do about it. His eyes sparkled and... that smile. Exactly the same as Ash's. I quickly dismissed the thought and joined Mrs. Roc and the rest of my pokemon. They made no secret of their joy at seeing us again, and Charizard was quickly tormented by the two brothers and Pancham.
"Braix..."
"I didn't think it would be so easy to talk to him," I confessed.
The old lady watched me and shook her head in satisfaction.
"Would you like some hot chocolate?" she asked.
"I want to make him a meal first. But yes, afterwards, why not."
"A little sugar?"
"That would be nice."
She smiled at me, came and stood beside me, leaning on her cane with both hands as she watched my Charizard.
"Your desire to protect and help your pokemons was commendable. However, your disregard for your own safety only served to make them worry and feel guilty."
I touched the white bandage on my shoulder with my fingertips. Trainers would do anything for their Pokemons, even if it meant taking reckless risks, but...
"This wasn't bravery, Serena, it was the stupidest kind of recklessness."
"I had no choice..."
"You didn't want there to be a choice. Was escape really impossible? Did you have so little faith in your pokemons that you felt compelled to sacrifice yourself?"
I wanted him to win. Because I thought that was all he cared about, and that my role was to help him achieve that goal. I'd pretended that was the most important thing to him... when he could smile at me so sweetly.
"Flannery left again?" the venerable woman asked suddenly.
"After our fight."
"I see. Who won?"
There was no question. The leader was far better than me and hadn't limited her power to show me.
"I couldn't help him win... and he didn't mind."
The old lady handed me a small object, a metal flame that seemed to burn in the palm of her hand.
"The Vermilava leader told me to give it to you after your victory."
"I didn't defeat Flannery to deserve it," I reminded her.
Mrs. Roc sighed before taking my hand and placing the item in it.
"You won, that's enough."
The only thing Flannery would leave me with after all that had happened. A friend, she'd never be. An enemy, she wouldn't care. But... A gym leader, yes, maybe that's what she was. I wore this flame inside my coat, close to my heart. My first badge... My pokemon's stomach rumbled again. He was getting impatient, and I had no intention of letting him languish any longer.
"Here I come, Charizard."
My first and last badge.
The songs of the desert, the melodious voice of the flygons, and Flannery walking. The corners of her mouth twitched, her neck tightened to the point of pain. Inwardly she pleaded, begged. The desert air changed, altered.
A few chirps, a few vocalizations, an awkward babble, the first syllable, the first word. She should have stopped at that first word, never gone further. But the pride of building, of giving meaning, of having power, how could she resist? Are you going back? No, I don't mind, it's just... Good luck. That was all she could think to say to him. Because she didn't dare go with him anymore, because she was tired of watching. The defeats, her father crying, losing weight, not worthy to be the next gym leader. She didn't listen.
Am I letting you down?
Flannery huffed loudly. Why didn't he get angry? Why did he take everything she said without flinching? He took it all on himself, listening to his idiot daughter who made him feel like an incompetent, his daughter who didn't even realize how much her words hurt him. He should have told her. Her father should have gotten mad at her instead of leaving her a letter. Her grandfather should have told her it was her fault, so she wouldn't give up the idea of running to him to make amends. But it was her father's fault, her grandfather's fault, and never Flannery's fault, never sweet little Flannery's fault. And because she heard it, she believed it, the stupid child believed it.
The leader took a long detour to make sure she didn't pass the Desert Ruins again. The previous experience there had been more than enough for her. In the end, it was best for him to leave, so that he could fulfill himself, so that he could simply put on weight again. The right thing to do... You're right, his father said. He left shortly after.
"Charizard... he never looked away."
This pokemon that blamed her, that wouldn't accept, that refused to leave. What her father had missed... What saved Serena.
"What doomed me."
The sand slid through her hair, her red eyes gleaming in the sunlight as she looked back one last time.
"That's why I hate you, Serena."
She moved away. From this girl, from the arm she'd burned, from the guilt she couldn't confess. Serena, herself, her father.
"That's why I had to be a gym leader for you."
Soon night would fall. Soon she'd be home with the grandfather she loved so much, the one who'd never blamed her. Then she could tell him that she was right, that she had always been right... And that she was glad Serena hadn't listened to her.