All tensed up and eager to hear him again, Audrey threw the car keys onto the counter next to her and slipped out of her shoes. She had finished work and driven home as quickly as possible.
Paul was gone for a business trip for a few days – the house was empty, actually even better than her office, where anyone could just come in any second.

She rummaged through her bag, finally finding the phone. It was ten minutes past seven – she had already missed the 'hour' by ten minutes, getting stuck in traffic.

Hurriedly she searched for his number and called him back.

It took a while until he picked up… as it was ringing, she already feared the worst. Had he already done it? Was he… lying on his sofa, with a needle in his arm, totally wasted, not even able to pick up? It shuddered her to imagine that picture.

Bauer.

Thank god, his voice sounded normal.

Hi, she hesitatingly said.

His face lighted up, hearing her voice. Hi. He was out of breath.. his heart still racing.

Did you… already make a decision?

I did.

And?

I decided to do it. The magical words were finally out. It's necessary to get the mission done. He had to add that kind of a justification, to soothe his racing mind.

And… did you do it?

He took a deep breath and looked at the syringe, that still lay on the table, in front of him. The rubber band was already… or still, around his left biceps, a small red mark in the crook of his arm.
I waited exactly an hour, like you said.

Damnit, she should have called him in time, Audrey thought. Maybe, she could have stopped him to make this mistake. And then you did it?

I prepared everything… I took the needle and put it in my arm He couldn't believe that he was saying this. It made him start to laugh.

Audrey heard it. What are you laughing about? Are you high now?

No, he smiled, No. I'm not high…. I'm a big coward I guess.

Now she had to smile, too. She imagined him sitting there, the needle in his arm, but afraid to press down on the plunger.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. He had tried to inject something, really. Maybe he had even done it – pressing the plunger for a millimeter, getting a homeopathic dose into his system.

She was actually glad to hear that. It showed her, that he was a sane guy – he was still acting like a sane man, and afraid of the right things that people usually had to be afraid of. I'm glad to hear that, she said.

I know you are, he sighed, But that doesn't bring me one step further. His thoughts were still the same like one hour ago. If I don't try this now I'll probably get killed down there.

Why?

They'd see it in the very first second that I've never been in contact with drugs. I heard you quickly adjust higher doses and then your body reacts differently. If I…

He didn't continue, but she could figure that out on her own. If they gave him a small dose only, they'd immediately see to what doses his body was accustomed to. Or not.

I can't fake being sober when I'm not.

Of course he couldn't.

What about aborting the mission? You don't have to do this.

We'll never get such a lead again. Do you know what we could get, when this works out? Highest level intel on arms trafficking and financing of terrorism. All their business partners, all their network. We hardly ever get a chance to get in there so deep.

And you are really willing to pay this kind of a price?

Yes. He leant back, thinking. Was he really willing? Ten minutes ago, when he had tried to do it, he hadn't been able to.

Audrey feverishly thought of things to say that could make him re-think his decision. What about the people around you?

Who?

I don't know who. There must be someone, friends, family? Do you really want to do this to them, too?

There is no one.

Don't lie to me, Jack, I read it in your file that you at least have a daughter.

Damnit, she was well informed. We're not very close, he sighed, ever since her mother's death.

Suddenly she realized that there was really nobody in his life. If giving up the place where he lived was no problem for him, if going undercover in a foreign country for half a year would be no problem for him… Ain't there anyone else?

No.

She couldn't imagine how this kind of a solitude would feel like. Actually, she wanted to ask him why he didn't have any friends or a family that he cared about – but she didn't dare ask. Was he doing this because his life sounded like it was hell already?

He sat there, realizing that it wouldn't be any worse down there, in Mexico. He hated being here, having nothing to do and no sense in his life. Going on missions was the only meaningful thing he'd ever done.

I better do this now, he murmured.

Audrey felt her stomach cringe, hearing his words. She crouched down, hugging her legs. I don't know what to say, Jack.

You don't have to say anything, he answered, thanks for listening. He really was glad to hear her voice. Damnit, why? Wasn't he able to make those goddamn decision on his own?

She didn't know what to say right now, anyway. She just listened to the silence, spellbound.

I better hang up now.

Okay. The pictures in her mind were racing wild. She could envision him put down the phone and take the needle that he'd already prepared.
Jack?

Yes?

Will you… tell me how it was, when it's over?

If you want to?

Yes.

Okay. He had a look at the needle on the table. I'll talk to you later, then.

She wanted to wish him good luck, but he had already hung up. Probably it was better that way. Wouldn't it sound stupid to wish him good luck? She didn't know what else to wish a person about to make that decision.

Audrey stared into the void, sitting in the large, empty house of her and Paul. God, she should have stopped him from doing this! Why hadn't she told him different things? That he could overdose, if he didn't take care? That he could return from Mexico, probably getting an HIV infection if he was doing drugs? Suddenly, the bad things, the ones that she hadn't thought of before, all came into her mind at once.

Maybe it wasn't too late.

She grabbed the phone and called him back.

It started ringing.

Please, pick up the phone, she prayed, pick up.

She didn't know how much time had passed, since he had hung up. A few minutes, maybe? Was that enough time to do it? Most likely, yes.

She let it ring. It was a secure phone line – it would ring for two minutes, there was no voicemail.

Jack heard the noise.

He saw the thing lie in front of him, on the table. One of the buttons was blinking, red, demanding whoever'd see it to do something with it.

His eyes half closed, half opened, he lay at the sofa, staring at the intruder to his perfect world. He couldn't make any sense of it.. and he didn't want to…. he didn't want to move or to do anything.

When it finally stopped ringing, the last thing that tied him to the real world was gone. His eyes slowly closed and the high took over, taking possession of him.

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