Wilson's Journal

by beatifulses

In this work, I tried to convey Wilson's experiences in Constant in a diary form from Wilson's eyes. I would also like to state that I interpret the characters and events according to myself. Some events come from my own gaming experience. I haven't played the game for a very long time, so I may have mistakes in some parts. Feel free to point them out!

51. DAY 33 (New World)

I've made a disturbing discovery today. For the longest time, I believed my madness back on Day 24—or what I thought was Day 24—only lasted for a couple of days. I was convinced I'd returned to myself by Day 26, but now I realize I've been gravely mistaken. My mind, it seems, has betrayed me yet again. I noticed it today by sheer coincidence. As I sat by my dwindling fire, I glanced up at the sky and saw the New Moon hanging there, ominous and dark. That's when it hit me: I've been tracking the days wrong. The New Moon means we've completed a full cycle, which should only happen every 16 days. By my journal's reckoning, it should be Day 29. But it's not. It's Day 33. I lost more time than I thought. I was gone—truly, utterly mad—for far longer than just those couple of days. It's disorienting, realizing that the journal entries I've written don't line up with reality. I thought I had clawed my way back after a short slip into insanity, but now I see that the madness lasted far longer than I thought. Days have passed, entire days, and I can't account for them.

And that's not all. My supplies—my precious, hard-earned resources—are alarmingly low. Much lower than they should be. During my time lost to madness, I must have used more than I realized. My stockpiles are nearly depleted. My food stores, my materials for crafting, everything—it's all been drained. How? What did I do during those missing days? Did I build more of those strange machines? Did I wander aimlessly, squandering my resources without realizing it? I can't remember. I simply can't remember. And that terrifies me. This revelation puts me in a difficult position. Winter is still here, and I'm running dangerously low on supplies. I'll need to forage again, but I'm not sure how much is left in the surrounding area. I thought I had prepared well for the season, but clearly, in my madness, I've undone all that hard work... God... What have I done... All... All that work... I... Doesn't matter anymore.

I've always prided myself on someone who could solve any problem with the right tools and enough knowledge. But this? Losing track of time, losing control of my own actions, having the very days slip through my fingers? It's a nightmare. Worse, it's a nightmare I can't escape. I'm trapped in my own mind, just as much as I'm trapped in this world. I've been trying to stay focused, to keep my mind sharp so hard, but how can I when I can't even trust myself? The moon, at least, is reliable. A steady cycle to measure time by. But me? I'm not steady. I'm not reliable. Not anymore. I'm losing control, and I don't know how to stop it.

So, here I am. Day 33, not Day 29 as I had thought. And I'm in worse shape than I imagined. Supplies are running low, and my mind is fraying at the edges again. I need to be cautious. I need to gather what I can and try to hold onto my sanity for just a little longer.

But how long can I really last?