Chapter 21 – Body Horror

It started with a bb gunshot wound when she was six years old. Followed by a scar from a broken arm when she was eight years old. By the time Jane was in high school, she had scars all over her body. She hated it.

After she shot herself in front of the precinct, she really hated all of the scars on her body. She never wanted to wear a bikini again. She still had two in her dresser drawer but she vowed that she would never wear them again.

She felt that her body was ugly because of the scars. She had a great figure and many men had told her that over the years. She had no problem taking her clothes off to have sex with a man but she hated to look at herself in the mirror. The men she slept with were not looking at the scars on her body, they were too busy having sex with her. They really didn't notice the scars.

Jane noticed the scars and was self-conscious because of them. She had talked with her therapist and she knew that she shouldn't let the scars bother her, but they did. She couldn't help but be bothered by them.

At one point, her therapist asked that she talked with a plastic surgeon. The therapist wasn't suggesting that she needed plastic surgery, but more to learn about scars and how to deal with them. The therapist knew a plastic surgeon that dealt with patients that had hang ups about their scars.

The therapist thought it might be good for Jane to talk to her. Maybe she could help Jane. Jane wasn't too sure about it. At their next session, Jane said she would agree to see the plastic surgeon. The therapist set up the appointment. She even volunteered to go with Jane, if she wanted her to.

Jane took her therapist with her to her appointment with the plastic surgeon. The plastic surgeon was beautiful. Jane couldn't take her eyes off of her. "Hello Jane. I am Doctor Maura Isles. My specialty is scar care. I know my title says plastic surgeon but that is just a small part of what I do."

Jane was in shock she couldn't speak. After a minute she was able to say, "Hello, doctor." Jane's therapist just smiled. She knew that Jane loved women as did Doctor Isles. She also knew that Maura had a very caring way about her and she just might be able to help Jane through what Jane called her 'body horror.'

"Jane, can I look at your left hand?"

"I don't let anyone touch my hands."

"I won't touch it if you don't want me too. I just want to look at it. If you can hold it out for me, I promise I will not touch it."

"Okay, as long as you don't touch it. It is painful when people touch it." That is what Maura thought. She looked at Jane's hand. She asked Jane to turn it over and Jane did.

Maura then asked, "Can I see the right hand also. I won't touch it."

Jane pulled back her left hand and stuck out her right hand. Maura looked it over, asking her to turn it over when she was ready to see the other side. Jane wasn't sure what the doctor was seeing. Her hands were healed. That was as much healing as could be done, she had been told. "I don't want any plastic surgery." Jane was adamant.

"I wasn't looking at them for possible surgery. I think a massage technique might help release the pain you must be experiencing in them."

"How do you know that I feel pain with them?"

"Based on the location and the depth. I know the nerves and muscles of the hands. Which hand bothers you the most?"

Jane pulled her hand back, she hid her hands behind her. She was uncomfortable. Her therapist touched her on the shoulder and told her, "She's just trying to help Jane, please give her a chance." Jane nodded and offered her left hand.

"I need to touch it to show you the massage technique is that okay?"

Jane nodded.

Maura carefully touched the tips of her fingers to the middle of Jane's scar. She applied slight pressure and began massaging the scar from the middle of the scar to the outer edge of the scar. Only applying as much pressure as needed. Jane didn't seem to resist so she continued. After several minutes Maura stopped. "How does that feel?"

Jane smiled and removed her left hand and offered her right hand and nodded at Maura. Maura knew what Jane was suggesting and Maura massaged her right hand. When Maura finished Jane spoke. "Thank you, my hands feel so much better. I don't think I will be able to perform that technique on myself."

"With practice you will be able to, Jane. It just takes time and practice. I would be more than happy to massage your hands for you a couple of times a week, if you like. Maybe you can come see me again and we can discuss your other scars as well."

Jane tensed up at the mention of her other scars. "It's okay, Jane. We don't have to if you don't want to. I know from my own personal experience that from time to time my scars hurt. They hurt as though the injuries have just happened. Other doctors refer to it as re-injury pain or allodynia. This is often caused by damage to the nerves."

"You have scars?"

"Oh yes, Jane. I have scars. I fell off of my horse when I was seven and broke my leg in two places. I had to have surgery. I have a four-inch scar on my left leg. I can show you if you would like." Jane nodded and Maura turned her leg so Jane could see the slight discolored section of Maura's leg.

"You don't cover it up?"

"No, Jane. It is a part of my life. Because of that scar my parents always made sure that my saddle fit me perfectly. They actually purchased me a saddle of my own. I never fell off of my horse again. The leg straps were not as tight as they should have been. I was too small for the saddle and probably that horse as well. It was my first day with a new stable boy and he had forgotten to tighten the strap. He was fired and after I found out I made sure that he was rehired and he was my stable boy for the remainder of my time at that stable."

"So that scar hurts you sometimes?"

"Yes, I feel the pain several times a year. I gently massage the scar and the pain goes away. That is why I would like to work with you and help you learn how to massage your scars and make your pain go away."

"Okay, I would like to try that."

"Can you come back to see me tomorrow at this time?" Jane looked to her therapist.

"Oh Jane, I think you can come by yourself. I have patients to see."

Jane looked at Maura and then back to her therapist. "Okay, I will be here."

"Thank you, Jane. It was nice meeting you and I will see you tomorrow." Maura out of habit extended her hand for Jane to shake. Jane looked at it and then Maura's face. Maura was smiling. Jane shook Maura's hand. Maura gave Jane's hand a light squeeze. Jane squeezed back and she left Maura's office.

Jane and her therapist drove back to the therapist's office where Jane had met her. "So, what did you think of Dr. Isles and her technique?"

"My hands do feel better. They still do. Doctor Isles is very beautiful and gentle. She has a soft comforting voice. It is like she knew what I needed."

"I have known her for years and that is what most people think about her. She chose to add scar care as part of her practice because she knows first-hand how scars feel and through her research, she found that she could help others so she added scar care to her practice. It is also billed differently than if you were seeing her as a plastic surgery patient. Almost half of her patients are scar care patients. She works with quite a few veterans at the VA. She volunteers her services several times a month."

When they arrived back at her therapist's office, Jane thanked her therapist for going with her and then drove home. She wanted to google Doctor Maura Isles. She wanted to know as much as she could about this doctor that she would start seeing.

When Jane left Maura's office. Maura googled Detective Jane Rizzoli. She had enough reading material to read for a few hours. She freshened up her tea and began reading. She would see Jane again in twenty-three hours. The detective fascinated her and no one had fascinated her like that in quite some time. She was looking forward to Jane's next visit.