First Love

"Hey good work on that collar, Dick. Can't believe Adrian has been giving us the slip all these months," Rosa congratulated Dick on his latest arrest.

"Wasn't that hard," Dick chuckled, "Once I figured out he only robbed Audi A3 sedans, following his trail was easy."

"Har har Grayson," Rosa rolled her eyes.

It was a festive mood all around the precinct. Christmas was coming in a few weeks. The city was blanketed with snow added to the theme. Dick noticed on the clock that his shift was almost over. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a little notebook.

"So dude! How's wedding planning coming?" Jake slapped Dick on the back.

"Ahh that hurt man!" Dick exclaimed as he dropped the notebook.

"Sorry sorry. But seriously, the date's creeping up. You contributing or is Barbara doing all the work?"

"I'll have you know I helped picked napkins the other day!" Dick retorted.

"Buuuuut she went with her own choice didn't she?"

"…..Yea," Dick admitted.

"Well anyway, we're super stoked my dude. Good luck," Jake said as he grabbed his coat and headed out.

Dick bent down to pick up the fallen notebook. It had been his memento ever since high school. Given time, he loved to doodle in it. He wanted to capture the world around him, anything he felt was pretty. Each sketch held a dear memory. Thus, he froze when he saw the page the book fell open to. He couldn't help but stare at the raven flowing hair, the round cheeks, the plump lips, and the bright eyes that were staring right back at him. Quickly, Dick shook his head and grabbed the book along with the rest of his belongings. Shift was over. Time to head home.

His boots crunched into the thick snow outside. A sidewalk Santa rung his bell hoping for a holiday donation. Kindly, Dick dropped a twenty into his red bucket. As he continued walking, Dick passed by a flower shop. It was a quaint little shop. Pots of flowers were neatly placed and decorated the outside. On the chalkboard, the store advertised a huge special.

"Krowny's Flower Shop!"

"Lilacs-25% OFF!"

Lilacs. They were her favorite. Dick paused again and looked into the store. A kind old woman was watering some plants. Without thinking, he walked into the shop. The ding-a-ling of the bell caught the attention of the owner.

"Hello, my dear. Merry Christmas," she kindly greeted.

"Hi ma'am. Merry Christmas."

"What can I help you with?"

"Uhh I-I actually don't know."

"Oh? Are you alright?"

"Yea yea! I just uh I saw the special on lilacs and uh-"

"Oh yes! We have a beautiful bunch. What's the occasion?"

"I um well."

"Maybe the color choice may help you. Blue lilacs represent happiness and tranquility. Are you hoping to bring some home to your family?"

"Uhh well I'm not married yet."

"Ahhh I see. How about magenta lilacs then? They symbolize love and passion."

"Well, those are very pretty."

"Are you in love, young man?"

"Huh?"

"You said you weren't married YET. Which means you're about to be if I'm assuming correctly. Are you in love?"

"Of course I am! I'm marrying her so I must be."

"Hmmmm," she raised her eyebrow unconvinced, "Y'know. I've always loved the natural lilac color. It's a light purple. So delicate, but at the same time so very pretty. Often times they are the most difficult to maintain and yet they are quite resilient and always grow back. It's no wonder why they represent…first love."

Dick didn't really have an answer for that. He just stood there mouth slightly agape. Smiling, the old lady prepared a bunch of lilacs and wrapped him in festive paper.

"W-wait I hadn't made a choice yet," Dick stammered.

"Oh no you very much did. It's written all over your face," the old woman teased him.

"But I don't really know if I want these, Miss uhhh."

"Cecily. You can call me Cecily."

"Ok, Miss Cecily. I'm still not sure these are the flowers to go with."

"Oh don't worry. She'll love them."

"But, they aren't my fiancé's favorite."

"….I wasn't talking about her," Cecily winked.

From the corner of his eye, Dick spotted strands of raven hair walk by the window. She was almost the right height as he remembered. Again, acting on impulse, Dick ran out the store leaving behind a bewildered Cecily.

"I feel like I should tell him…" she wondered aloud to herself, "Nah. He'll figure it out soon enough."

Down the snowy street, Dick ran to catch up to the girl. His mind fought with his heart going back and forth on why this was a stupid decision. Closer and closer he got to the girl who was unaware of the guy desperately chasing after her. He finally grabbed her shoulder to turn her around.

"Wait wait Z-…." he pants.

Looking back at him were not the familiar blue eyes he cherished. Nor the little button nose and plump lips. The face looking back at him was one he had never seen in his life.

"What the hell do you want?" she spat.

"Uhhh sorry sorry! I'm so sorry. I mistook you for a friend!" Dick immediately apologized.

"Whatever creep. Just stay away from me!"

Dick backed away with his hands up as the girl quickly walked away. Letting out a cold breath, he leaned against the wall and looked up. Shining brightly on the billboard was an ad for a magic show coming to town. The first show was set to start in two days. Dick continued looking at the headliner on the billboard. She changed her outfit. The stockings were now fishnets. She wore a corset instead of a dress shirt. She even added her father's top hat. At least she kept the bowtie. He always loved the bowtie. Once again, he could feel her blue eyes staring right back at him. His mouth dried up as his chest began to ache.

Eventually, he did return home. The lights were bright, and the oven was on. The smell of honeyed ham permeated throughout the apartment. "Jingle bells" played on the stereo as a redhead sat on the couch with a magazine in her hands. Hearing his steps, she turned her head and jumped off the couch.

"Hey babe! Welcome home!" Barbara hugged her fiancé.

Haphazardly he hugged her back.

"So, I've been thinking, for flowers, I think we should go with the fresh cut ones. They're a bit pricey, but they'll look beautiful and smell heavenly. A well-done centerpiece will do wonders for each table and the guests can take them home with them! What do you think?"

Dick didn't answer. His mind was empty as he looked around the homey apartment.

"Y-Yknow I love the theme we picked out," Barb stammered, "Blue and yellow. Feels like us! Right?"

Again no answer.

"D-Dick? Is everything ok?" she tried once again.

"H-huh? Uh yea," he tried to force a smile.

"Dick?" she asked again.

"N-no."

"Was it something at work?"

"N-no."

"Dick? Talk to me."

There was a pause between them. Dick bit his lip hoping to stifle what he wanted to say. Barbara stood there trembling, terrified of the conversation they were about to have.

"B-Babs," he stuttered, "we need to tal-"

"Let's play a game!" she interrupted him.

"Huh?"

"Let's play a game. Let's say you were out hunting in the mountains. You come across a big white polar bear. Big game! Just as you were about to take your shot, another hunter misses and hits you instead. You're lying on the ground bleeding out. As you lose consciousness, who is the person you would want to see the most?"

Dick had a baffled look on his face. He tilted his head in confusion.

"Polar bears don't live in the mountains?"

"Fine fine! Grizzly bear. Same scenario. You're dying. Who would you want to see for the last time?"

He didn't answer. He couldn't even look her in the eyes. Her lips quivered. Her eyes blinked as they started to water.

"Dick…answer me. Who is the one person you'd want to see the most?"

He sighed. He bowed his head in shame as his eyes focused on a single speck of dust on the floor.

"Dick, I know what you're feeling," she stammered as tears streamed down her cheeks, "I have always been second. I see how you flip through your sketchbook looking at old images of her. I know the passcode to your phone is her birthday. I just-I need you to say it, Dick."

Now she was full on sobbing. She tried to wipe her tears on her sweater sleeves, but she could barely hold herself together.

"I'm sorry, Babs. I truly am."

"Say it. You have to say it. For both our sakes. On your last dying breath, who is the one person you'd want to see the most?"

He waited what felt like almost an eternity. The over timer dinged in the background as the ham had finished cooking. The stereo paused for a second before switching songs to "Last Christmas." Finally, Dick clenched his fist and looked back at Barbara's eyes with conviction. He took a deep breath and gave the answer they both knew would come out of his mouth.

"….Zatanna."

First Love-Hikaru Utada

AN: So I honestly hadn't planned to update this Playlist after that last chapter. The whole universe ending and reseting felt so final. BUT THEN I just finished watching the Netflix series "First Love" based on the Hikaru Utada songs "First Love" and "Hatsukoi" (which incedentally is one of the songs on the playlist.) I was so moved by the series. It was so beautiful and sad and heartwarming. It made me cry so much I had to write this chapter. First love is always the hardest to break and move on from. Admittedly I don't even know if I've ever moved on from my own First Love. Life comes at you in different ways. But alas, here we are. I highly recommend "First Love" and "Hatsukoi" by Hikaru Utada. They are beautiful and heart-wrenching songs. Two of her best. I also recommend the "First Love" Netflix series as well. It will make you cry, but I promise it has a happy ending! Happy Holidays everyone!