Chapter 9 - Day Five: The Empire Strikes Back
The Imperial palace being the former Jedi Temple has one benefit at least, Anakin thinks morbidly, as he moves swiftly through back halls where he senses the fewest people, as he carries Luke. He's slowing the bleeding with the Force but he needs to get him somewhere to be treated without the entire palace swarming them, realizing they killed the Emperor. It'll only be a matter of time before that happens.
Lake's slipped into unconsciousness now, as Anakin finally gets ahold of a shuttle and flies back up to his cruiser. He lost a limb and Anakin's far too familiar with that and he can't believe that – happened to his child.
Most of all, that it was Palpatine who did it to him.
Palpatine attacked him. He can't get the pressure of that Force-choke out of mind. He hurt him. He – Force.
Anakin hadn't meant to betray him. He hadn't. He just panicked when Luke jumped Sidious and he'd spent a slip second to long thinking that he didn't want to draw his lightsaber on his child and then Palpatine had reacted first and then strangled him and –
Can't forget his moment of panic when he suddenly couldn't breathe and the sickening, horrifying realization that it was Palpatine who was doing it. Who was hurting him and –
He can't forget Luke's scream when he was electrocuted either.
He feels sick. He can't believe this is the future. That was Palpatine and he hurt him. And he knows without a doubt now that – that Palpatine is wrong. He must be. Doesn't inherently mean the Empire is though and he's so lost now. Why did his older-self stay with him? Or was it truly because of what Luke said? Because he –
Is that what he somehow became to Palpatine? As a Sith, Anakin... knows that is probably very much what his apprentices are even if he wouldn't really know. And for the first time, he wonders desperately, wildly, how much of whatever he did in the future he was forced into. Not that it makes it better, but – He doesn't know anything anymore. Doesn't know what to do, either. Feels like whatever he tries to do from here, he's going to be sure to break even further. He's the one who brought Luke here and now he's –
And Anakin killed Palpatine. He killed him. And by the Jedi way, that was his purpose. He feels dirty and used somehow.
"I thought more highly of your loyalty than this – "
Ugh.
Force. He did too. He killed the one person who always stood by him. Until – until apparently he entirely turned on him too. Was he just using him at this time? Was any of what they had even real? What does this mean for the Palpatine back in Anakin's own time? He doesn't even want to think about it right now. Doesn't know how he'd be able to face him ever again.
Nor does any of it change that he killed him and he wants to cry. Or throw up. Or just – something. Rip his skin off, maybe.
It takes far too long but he finally gets back to the cruiser and takes off through the halls, to the medbay. He can feel everyone staring at him but everyone moves out of his way when he passes by. He doesn't trust these people at all but he's fairly certain they're loyal to him.
"Bring the princess and her companions," he orders Piett when he sees him.
"Yes, my lord," splutters the hopelessly mind-blown Admiral. He feels a little bad about his shortness with them, but he doesn't have the mind for anything else right now. He thinks Luke would like to see his friends as soon as he awakens.
He'd had Leia and the others confined in one of the officer's quarters – he didn't really want to put them in a prison cell.
The medical droid scrambles to scan Luke over on his order while all Anakin can do is wait.
"He has lost a lot of blood," reports the medical droid, "He will need a transfusion."
"Then give him some," Anakin orders, resisting the urge to pace only because moving so much hurts, especially now when he's still in pain from – when he was briefly electrocuted. (That was the one thing he was terrified of Dooku for, after how many times he did that to him. And Palpatine did the same thing. He was torturing him. And Anakin killed him for it and how does that make him any better? He's supposed to be better than this. Why is all he's good at destroying? But that's all the Jedi wanted him for in the first place.)
The door to the medical bay opens moments later, Piett very awkwardly appearing in the doorway leading Leia, Han, and Chewbacca.
Anakin tries not to look at Threepio who's standing behind them – the droid who still remembers nothing of him.
"Luke!" Leia exclaims, practically teleporting to his side instantly.
Chewbacca growls desperately.
"What happened to him?" Han demands.
Anakin tells the Admiral to go, turning back to the other three. "The Emperor is dead," he replies, "But he injured Luke first."
Leia turns to stare at him. "He's dead? Did you – Was that what you and Luke did?!"
"Yes." He still feels sick. Doesn't think that feeling is ever going to go away.
"None of the human blood here appears to be compatible," reports the medical droid, looking about as confused as a droid can, "Luke's DNA is half something I cannot identify. There is no suitable blood match for him."
Oh.
Oh.
The one fourth of him that's half Force, from Anakin.
"My blood should be suitable," Anakin replies, "I'm his closest relative."
The other three are all gaping at him now. "You – what?" Leia demands.
Luke never told them?
It's... probably for him to do, because he doesn't know if Luke wants anyone to know – being the child of an Imperial may not be good for him if it became public knowledge. "If Luke wants to explain, that is his choice."
"Since when'd he have any Imperial family?" Han asks to Leia in a loud whisper who shrugs a shoulder.
The droid approaches and Anakin pulls up the sleeve on his right arm – it has to be very far to expose skin. It's a sickly pale, scarred, nothing like how it used to look.
The sight makes him freeze for a moment. He hasn't actually seen his own skin since coming back here. It – he doesn't want to know what happened to him.
The droid draws a bit of his blood, doing a test. "It appears to match," the droid reports, "But due to your medical condition, you will not be able to sustain the amount of blood loss he will require."
...How serious is his condition? He knows cyborgs' blood levels can be tricky sometimes, but – "Give him some, at least. We don't have time for this," Anakin replies, frustrated.
"You can test me," Leia volunteers, "Or Han, or – "
Fine.
Anakin doubts it will work but the droid goes to take a sample of hers, doing an analysis. Anakin is only half watching it's datapad as it's doing the test. But then stills when he sees the... result.
"She has the same foreign DNA," the droid reports.
What...
"But that should be impossible," Anakin protests. Leia is Alderaani, right? That doesn't – make sense. He doesn't think anyone else in the galaxy has part Force DNA but him, that he's ever heard of.
"My reports are accurate," it insists.
Leia shrugs a shoulder, clearly not understanding just what about this is so important. "I was adopted. I don't know who my birth parents were."
Anakin's blood runs cold.
"You have no idea whatsoever?"
She frowns. "No. Why?"
His heart is hammering erratically. He can't take his eyes off her now. The resemblance to Padme – He brushed it off before. "Would you be opposed to doing a parental test? There is no one I have ever known who has this in their blood except those of a specific bloodline."
Leia's eyes widen a fraction, obviously realizing what he's saying. Then her lips press together, expression hardening. "Do it," she tells the droid, "But – give my blood to Luke in the meantime."
The droid gets to work on that as it, and treating Luke's wound as it runs the analysis on Leia's blood.
Anakin waits, almost holding his breath.
"Her DNA matches Anakin Skywalker and Senator Padme Amidala of Naboo," the droid announces.
He feels cold, faint.
Leia –
This girl is his daughter?
He had twins? Luke and Leia look the same age. Luke never mentioned a sister. Sidious never said he had a daughter. Why did no one talk about her?
"Are you saying," Leia asks, very slowly, "That Luke is my brother?"
"Yes. And Luke is... my son."
Leia freezes, gaping at him.
Han and Chewbacca are too.
"You're Anakin Skywalker?" Chewbacca asks, so confused.
His identity is that unknown?
"Yes."
Leia's emotions are raging wildly, something between shock and– She seems glad to know he's alive but also horrified that he is who he is. There's something personal there. Did – has he hurt her? He doesn't think he wants the answer. He couldn't have hurt his own child in the future, could he? Not even his older-self could ever be that messed up or he wouldn't even be him anymore, right? That doesn't –
But maybe he didn't even know who she was, considering that she never knew who Luke was. He doesn't know. He's so lost.
"But it is more complicated than you think." He goes on, because they need to know this.
And so, he explains very briefly about the time-travel, about how he's not really Vader, the person they know.
"You're telling me you don't... remember anything in the past twenty years?" Leia clarifies dubiously. The distance she's keeping between them hurts. He doesn't understand what's wrong. He's afraid to know the answer.
"I don't."
"But if you're a Jedi, why would you be on the Empire's side? I don't understand. Or – aren't you? Is that why you killed the Emperor?"
"I don't know who's side to be on. The Empire is what I fought to build. But it's not what I thought it was. The Emperor was... corrupt. I can see that clearly. But I am not your enemy," he promises. The Rebellion is obviously not fully wrong but he can't say he agrees with what they're doing either.
She nods but she still seems overwhelmed.
"Leia – I – " Fumbling for words again, just like with Luke. Seriously.
"I would like a moment," she replies quietly. It's not hard to see that she's clearly not handling this very well. She throws a final glance at Luke before slipping out of the room. Han and Chewbacca linger a moment longer before they go after her.
Anakin watches them go, the knot in his throat growing. This is bad. Something bad happened to her and he doesn't know what. He's terrified to know what.
**w**
Leia has no idea what to think or how to feel about – any of this. Luke is her brother and way inside she always knew that on some level, but –
Vader is Luke's father. Their father.
Anakin Skywalker is her father and also still alive and apparently was with the Empire for some reason until he forgot why.
Her birth father is alive. She wondered sometimes, after losing Alderaan, if her birth parents were out there even though she knew they were dead. Not that it would do anything to bring Bail and Breha back but – the knowledge of having family would mean everything to her. And it does. It does and she has no idea what to do with the knowledge that her father is Darth Vader. Nor does she quite know what to think of... what he's saying about not remembering the last twenty years. He wouldn't be saying that if it weren't true – the one she's looking at now is apparently Anakin Skywalker, someone she's looked up to a lot from what she's heard about him. She never imagined he was her father.
And... she can tell that Vader – Anakin? – feels different than he used to.
Vader had a wild empty rage, something broken that she's seen on so many. There was a part of her that always pitted him when she thought about it. She couldn't help wondering what had been done to him, for him to reach the broken shelf of a person he seemed to be.
Anakin feels... lost and in pain. But there's a lightness to him that Vader didn't have. Like he's not fully empty and broken yet.
She – she should talk to him.
She needs to talk to him, to try to. understand what's going on, but she just... doesn't know how to feel. Doesn't know how to approach this at all.
"Are you alright?" Han inquires, approaching from behind her.
Leia sighs. "I don't know."
"Who you were born from doesn't matter much, does it?" Han asks, obviously attempting to be helpful.
"It does," she replies, quietly, "All this time, I thought all my family was gone. But... I was wrong." She has a brother. And her father is still here.
He stands watching her, uncertainly.
"Hold me," she requests finally. That's what she wants desperately, for someone to just be there and she feels a little bad over how much she's been yelling at him recently but she just – It would be nice if he'd admit he actually wants to stay. But he's here with her now and he's the only one who is.
Han steps closer, pulling her into his arms. She rests her head against his chest, closing her eyes, just breathing in and out and trying to come to terms with everything this means.
And pointedly ignoring the Imperials who keep staring at them but keep a pointed difference. Clearly, Anakin was really serious in having no intentions of hurting them. Which... isn't a surprise, if the last he remembers is being a Jedi. He said he wasn't their enemy right now and that's obviously true. But is that going to change when he becomes Vader again? Or did Vader have more disloyalty to the Empire than she ever realized?
Force.
How in all the stars did Anakin, a Jedi, end up... as Vader? What happened to him?
**w**
The room comes into focus around Luke slowly. The last thing he remembers, he was –
Oh. Oh no.
Where is he?!
He blinks, twisting his head to look around and it takes a moment to sink in that he's clearly in a medical bay somewhere. There's a medical droid here and his father is here and that means he must be safe now, whatever happened.
"Father?" he rasps, voice feeling annoying hoarse.
"Luke," Anakin murmurs, appearing right next to his side almost instantly, "You're awake."
"What... happened?" Luke asks, blinking a few times, slowly pushing himself into a sitting position. He's still exhausted.
"The Emperor died. I got us out of the palace. You are safe here. And your hand... was replaced."
Right.
His hand.
He lost it. He'll never get the agony of that or the blood out of his head.
He tries to flex it and is surprised when a sensation flickers through where his hand is supposed to be. He looks down slowly, to see...
Yes, it is a replacement. It looks eerily similar to a human hand but the lines on it are too straight to be real skin. It takes a moment longer to respond than a normal limb. Not enough to be bothersome probably but it's still there. It's still not real, not truly a part of him. It never will be again.
"How is your hand?" Anakin queries.
Luke clenches and unclenches it a few times. "It's... okay."
"I spent a long time fixing my right arm and adjusting it after I first lost it," Anakin says, "I know the reaction time can be finicky. Do you want me to look at it?"
"Sure." The offer shouldn't surprise him. This is his father and – Of course he's willing to help and of course machines is something he's good at, just like Luke himself. He slowly holds out his hand and Anakin takes it, opening the back – seeing the machine parts inside it is a little unsettling even if it's a little interesting to look at one of these in person. He'd find it cooler if it wasn't attached to him.
Luke watches his father work and can't help noticing how clumsy his left hand seems to be. He's moving it like he only half knows how to or something. "Your... left hand. Did you ever adjust that?" he has to ask finally.
"Not since I came here. I am not used to – it being gone." He sounds solemn as he says it.
...oh.
"It's strange," Luke admits, "I can still feel, but it's not the same. It's just – different and..."
"I know," Anakin agrees quietly, lightly squeezing his arm before he returns to working.
It's some minutes later before he finally lets go of it, stepping back. "How is it now?"
Luke clenches it again. He thinks it's slightly better – hardly noticeable but still there. Still more human. "Better. Thank you."
"I am the one who brought you there," Anakin replies, the helmet half turned away as though he's not looking at him.
"And you chose to save me in the end. That counts for something," Luke replies. He still doesn't understand his father's strange views on the Empire but he's here now and... Maybe he can convince him to come with him to the Rebellion now considering that he's the one who killed the Emperor – provided that doesn't mean they already won. Actually, he has so many questions about that.
"Maybe I can look at your limbs. See if there's anything I can do," Luke suggests.
He can almost feel Anakin's smile even if he can't see it. "That would be acceptable. But there's something I must tell you first – Did you know that Leia is your sister?"
...
...
"What?"
"We tested her blood, to give it you. She... is your sister."
Maybe he should be more shocked than he is but... He sensed a deep connection with her from the moment he first saw her hologram years ago.
The door to the medbay opens again suddenly and it's Leia, Han, and Chewbacca. They're all moving freely, Luke notes.
Anakin steps back, giving them room.
Leia hurries to Luke's side, pulling him into a hug. He doesn't even need to ask to tell that she already knows, from the look in her eyes.
"How's the hand?" Han asks.
"It'll do," Luke assures.
Chewbacca growls, patting his head.
Luke is almost certain that he suddenly senses a wild flare of longing form his father. He glances up at him again. The way he's standing off to the side, alone, makes him look so alone in a way he can't explain. That reminds him of all his questions. "I think there's a lot we need to figure out with the Emperor gone," Luke says, standing, "And there's a lot I want to ask you, Father. Leia... if you want, you can stay."
She turns to look at Anakin for a long moment before nodding. "Yes, I do. If you're...alright with that."
"Of course I am," Anakin replies, "You deserve whatever answers you want as much as Luke does."
**w**
Anakin has both his children here now so he doesn't know why he still feels so alone. Empty. But to be fair, this still isn't his time. His children are already practically adults and he never got to raise them. In this time, he never will. Whatever happens back in his time, he'll make sure that doesn't happen – he doesn't quite know what's happening with going back but he thinks it will happen. Truthfully, he can't wait because being here is maddening. But right now, he has the chance to be with Luke and Leia so he'll make the most of it. The twins deserve the chance to get to know the father they never had.
"I cannot speak for what I would have known in this time, but... I did not know either of you were my children until now. I do not understand what happened."
"No one ever told me either," Luke replies, not sounding overly happy about that.
"Ben must have known. He knew our parents – that's what he told me," Leia muses, "But I don't know why we weren't together."
"The Emperor told me the Jedi forcibly took you from me to raise you in hiding. I don't know what the truth is." He doesn't want to think about it. Obi-Wan wouldn't have forcibly taken his children from him, right? But if he Fell and totally lost his mind – Well, he doesn't know.
The twins exchange glances. Neither of them seem sure what to think.
Anakin would take a deep breath if he were physically capable of controlling his breathing. The sheer noise of the respirator is starting to drive him insane.
"Leia, I – Have we... met before? Have I harmed you? I don't remember." His heart is pounding anyway, having to ask but he deserves to know the answer if he's going to establish any kind of relationship with her.
Leia's quiet a long moment. "I was... captured by the Empire for a while. They wanted to know the location of the Rebel base and I wouldn't cooperate."
He –
Knows what she's saying without actually saying it.
He interrogated her? He –
What did he do to her?He doesn't want to know. He didn't know he could feel sicker than he already does. How could he do this, how –
"Leia, I am so sorry." It sounds pathetically inadequate.
"You don't even remember doing it," she reminds.
"I cannot imagine what would ever have made me – do any that. Do any of what I hear I have done in this time." Most of it, at least. He doesn't understand.
"From when I knew... Vader," Leia starts slowly, "He seemed... broken. Empty. I don't know. I have never felt someone who seems so destroyed as he did. I wouldn't judge yourself by what you haven't even done, especially when you don't know what led to this state. What matters is what you do from here now that the Emperor is gone."
The words catch him by surprise. He didn't expect that kind of reaction from her. She's definitely... a little more settled now than she was before.
He's supposed to be the Chosen One, though. Supposed to destroy the Sith. Supposed to be strong enough. And he failed. And he doesn't even know what's right anymore. Stopping Palpatine was right but killing him? He also hurt Luke and has done Force knows what to the galaxy and – Ugh.
He's too afraid to make any choices from here anymore. Too afraid he's going to mess something up even worse.
"I always wondered about my birth parents when I was growing up," Leia says, "I was happy on Alderaan but sometimes I didn't really feel like that's where I belonged. I wanted to know who you were and what you were like. I met Ben briefly and he told me a little about you and my mother, and that was enough for me to be able to... let it go, but I still thought about it sometimes."
It warms something deep inside of him, to hear that she still wanted to know him even if she was happy where she grew up. He thought she'd be more angry though it might just be because she doesn't really see him as the same as Vader. Which he's not but it still feels like a lot of what happened here is his responsibility. He's the Chosen One. He was supposed to make things better and he failed.
"I occasionally thought about what it would be like to raise a child from birth," Anakin tells her finally, "I have no idea when you were born in my time because I know nothing about it yet but I thought if I ever had my own child, it would be a girl. I had a padawan who was a girl – I always thought you'd be a little like her."
Leia smiles faintly. There's a certain fondness in her eyes that makes his heart flare.
"What's a padawan?" asks Luke.
"...What has Obi-Wan done to your Jedi training?"
"He didn't really have very long!"
Okay, Anakin doesn't want to know why.
"I have questions about your relationship with him," Leia speaks up. "But I don't suppose it's anything you could answer."
He wants to ask for details but – something tells him he doesn't even need to know. He's too scared to ask. "Likely not. You should probably ask Vader once I am gone."
"You really think that's going to happen soon?" Leia asks.
"I can't say when but I know it will." He hesitates. "I know he's not the same as me, but he is still your father. I can't imagine you would mean any less to him than you do to me. If I had known about you from birth, there is nothing I would not do for you, to keep you safe."
They both nod, eyes full of emotion.
"A padawan is a Jedi apprentice," Anakin adds as an afterthought, "My padawan's name was Ahsoka."
Leia's eyes widen the slightest bit.
Anakin's heart sores with sudden hope. "Do you know her?"
"I – have heard of her. I don't know her personally."
His heart is pounding with a sudden flare of excitement. Ahsoka is alive. Maybe. Probably. "Where is she? Do you know? If there's any way you can find her, I would lie to see her."
"Once we go back to the Rebellion, I'll see if I can get into contact with her. If we plan to take Coruscant, we'll need all the help we can get anyway."
...Take Coruscant?
"That's what you're planning to do?" Anakin queries, feeling mostly resigned. He doesn't want the Empire to be destroyed but it doesn't feel like he has a clue what he's doing about anything anymore so he doesn't even know. And in the end, this isn't his time. He doesn't know what happened in so much of this, anyway. None of this is his choice to make, not that it would be anyway.
"I still have a lot of questions about you," Luke pipes up, "Like about when you were a Jedi. If we can get to that?"
His impatience to hear more about him is kind of endearing. "What do you want to know?"
"I don't know. Everything," Luke says, "Uncle Owen claimed you were a navigator on a spice freighter and – "
"He what?" Anakin nearly splutters.
"I don't know. That's what he said. Ben told me you were a Jedi but that my uncle never wanted you to leave Tatooine. Neither he or my aunt ever really talked about you."
"They never really knew me," Anakin replies, "My mother and I were... slaves on Tatooine. Obi-Wan's master – Qui-Gon – came there on a mission. He freed me but he wasn't able to free my mother. I was nine years old at the time. He took me with him to become a Jedi, like I always dreamed of as a child."
"He never came back to free your mother?" Leia queries, frowning.
"He never had the chance. He was killed by a Sith – the first Sith seen in a thousand years. But that wouldn't have changed anything either way. The Jedi... didn't want to come back to free her. They didn't get involved in the slaves in the Hutt regions."
"But she was your mother," Luke objects, confused.
"And seeing her again would have been giving in to my attachment. I... was not supposed to be attached to her. The Jedi have a no attachment rule – we are encouraged to be compassionate but we are not supposed to be attached to individuals so it doesn't distract us from our duty." He understands the reasoning. What he doesn't understand is the lengths they go to with it. It's not love the Code forbid and it so often feels like the Jedi themselves refuse to see it that way. Not that Anakin would ever presume to know better than the Council, especially not now, but it's still so hard sometimes.
"I don't get it," Leia admits, "I mean... I know how that could be distracting but I think it would be a lot more distracting to never be able to see her again. Especially when you wouldn't even know if she was safe."
"It was," Anakin confesses quietly, "I – the first years I had at the Temple were hard but it was – It was what I always dreamed of."
"Obi-Wan trained you, right?" Luke asks.
Anakin nods. "He took me as his padawan after his master died. He basically raised me. We... had difficulties sometimes, but we were always close. He was like my father."
Both the twins are frowning. "That's what I don't understand," Luke says, "Ben called you his friend but he didn't seem fond of Vader at all."
"And Vader... certainly was not fond of him either," Leia supplies.
Anakin swallows hard. "I don't understand what happened." He feels sick. He and Obi-Wan were enemies. What happened? "All Palpatine told me was that the Jedi committed treason and attempted to kill him and that I chose to stand with the Republic which then became the Empire while the Jedi who survived caused the... conflict the galaxy is in now."
"My father – My adopted one," Leia clarifies, "Told me that Palpatine was using the entire conflict to further his own power and used the chance to get rid of the Jedi so they wouldn't stand in his way."
It sounds so impossible but after seeing what Palpatine did to Luke, that he wasn't hesitant to hurt Anakin, he doesn't know what to believe anymore.
"I don't know," Anakin admits, miserably. "I – I don't see how Palpatine could be like this. I always trusted him."
"Many people did," Leia replies sympathetically, "My... other father said he once did, too."
"But I knew him. Personally. We – were... Well, he was my mentor. I thought we were close." And he killed him. He killed him. And maybe doing that saved the galaxy, but – He doesn't know what to think anymore.
"You knew the Chancellor?" Luke says, eyes widening, "I mean – even before? But... how? I didn't know the Jedi worked that closely with the Senate."
"They did but that wasn't why. He asked to see me when I was a child. He helped me when I was struggling."
Leia frowns. "As a child? Why would he have cared? I mean – "
"I don't know. I thought he just wanted to help me. I had no one else to talk to, except Obi-Wan, when I was a child. None of the other Jedi – I could never fit in. I was never close with any of them until years later."
The twins are both quiet for a long pause.
"But I thought the Jedi were... good. Why would you have been so...?" Luke trails off, frowning.
"I was too old. I was too... attached. I was never what they wanted. I never did enough." He didn't want to start telling his children about all this, In the same way he never intended to tell Ahsoka but in the end, he thinks she saw more of it than anyone else ever did, among the Jedi. "But I am not saying that is the fault of the Order." Because at the end of the day, he thinks it was always just something wrong with him.
"To me," Leia replies, "It sounds like you had a serious cultural clash with them that they should have helped you deal with better. And... if you knew Palpatine since you were a child, I know why you would have trusted him. Was he grooming you?"
Anakin freezes. "What? No. He – he never hurt me." He was the only one who didn't. Until now. That's why he has no idea how to deal with it. It still feels like he had to be the one who messed something up unspeakably somehow even if he doesn't know what.
"Grooming doesn't have to mean outright hurting. It means – well, gaining someone's trust and distancing them from everyone around them."
Anakin swallows hard, past the constant dryness in his throat. "I – I don't know. But I know I... don't know how I would have survived without him."
Luke reaches out slowly, taking his hand. "Being with the Jedi was that bad?"
"When I was young – yes. But it's not a choice I regret. It was my dream. I could never regret that. That I wanted more is not the fault of the Order."
They're both quiet again.
Anakin lightly squeezes Luke's hand back before letting go.
"Did you ever see your mother again?" Leia asks.
The wave of grief that rises at the words is familiar. "Once. Only once. Right before she – was gone. I had visions of her death. By the time I went to find her... she had been taken by Tusken raiders on Tatooine. It was too late to save her."
"Oh," Leia breathes, eyes wide with horror, "I'm sorry."
"Me too." He should have done enough and he didn't. All he's ever done is fail. Is the fact that he so totally failed as a Jedi really a surprise?
"So that's how it happened," Luke says, quietly, "Uncle Owen only mentioned her a couple times. He said she died a few years before I was born."
"I married your mother right after," Anakin goes on, because this is the part they really deserve to know, "She was a senator of Naboo. I was not supposed to have a relationship with her because of the Jedi way so we kept it a secret. She would have loved to know you both." And for whatever reason, she never got that chance here either.
He can feel their longing – he'll tell them more about Padme later.
"I was Knighted when the clone wars broke out." It's almost amusing how Luke promptly lights up at the mention of the war. "I led my own battalion and a few months in, I took Ahsoka as my padawan."
"Can you tell me more about the war?" Luke asks, eagerly, "I always wanted to know about it."
"I don't think the stories will be quite as exciting as you're hoping," Anakin replies dryly, "But yes, of course. "
"Wasn't Ahsoka pretty young at the start of the war?" Leia queries, frowning, "I mean from what I heard, I don't think she's that old."
"She was fourteen. She... was sixteen when she left."
"...Left?" repeats Luke.
Another long story he doesn't overly want to get into the details about. "There was a bombing in the Jedi Temple that she was framed for by the fallen Jedi who did it. The Council had her thrown out and turned over to the Senate for trial. I proved her innocence before it was too late but she didn't want to come back."
They both look horrified.
"Can't say I blame her, after that," Luke admits, clearly upset.
"She never wanted to fight in a war. I... was glad she was safely away. Sometimes I thought of you, of what it would be like to have my own child and raise them. I hoped I could give them a life without war." But clearly, the twins never got that.
"I didn't get involved until I was sixteen, if that helps," Leia offers, "And I don't think what happened to us was something you could have helped, from what it sounds like. I want to ask Vader but – I can see why something else could have happened that might make you have sided with Palpatine over the Jedi. Especially if he was manipulating you."
Maybe.
That doesn't make it feel any more right.
But seriously – "Enough of this," Anakin decides finally, smiling faintly at them though they can't see it, "There are plenty of lighter things I expect you want to hear about far more."
They both perk up and so he keeps talking.
Telling them more about Padme, a little about Rex, things about raising Ahsoka... nothing dark. Just... talking. It's nice to be able to truly get to talk to someone about it, after the days he spent here all alone, terrified that the overwhelming loneliness was all he'd ever feel again.
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