Chapter 11 - Day Six: The Empire Strikes Back
Anakin goes back to his meditation pod to sleep. He doesn't have a bed anywhere that he's seen and he doesn't know how he'd lay down in the kind of armor anyway. Leia sent a coded transmission to the Alliance – Anakin doesn't know what they're planning. He'll have to ask later, if she's willing to tell them.
All he does know when he awakens to the whitewashed walls around him – at least his helmet can be off in here, the red is driving him out of his mind – is that something in the Force feels different. It's humming with a steadily growing disturbance that reminds him very much of what it felt like before he was brought to the future in the first place. And that can only mean one thing.
He's going home.
He's never wanted to go home this badly in his life and it instantly fills him with excitement. But – that means he's going to lose this version of Luke and Leia. He's only known them a couple days but he still loves them fiercely. How couldn't he? At least back in his time he'll have the chance to give them the lives and childhood they deserve but that doesn't do much for these versions of his children and he'll never know what's going to happen to them.
Well – he'll be able to give the young versions of them the lives they deserve assuming he doesn't mess everything up somehow. He doesn't know what's about to happen. Never got clear answers on that or... anything.
But he needs to take this one thing at a time. To start with, he needs to think of what else he wants to do before he leaves here forever. What else he wants to say to his children before it's too late.
Not for the first time, he can't help thinking about his older-self. This is the life he would have lived. What's going to happen to him now? What was his relationship like with Palpatine by this point? It really feels like it really was what Luke saw it as and he has no idea how to feel about that.
Does he feel as lonely and empty here as Anakin does? From what the meditation pod feels like in the Force, he thinks it must be even worse and he's been spent years like that. He can't imagine living like that forever. The mere thought is terrifying. He wishes for a desperate moment that here was something he could do for his older-self because in truth he doesn't truly feel the same as him, but he doesn't know what to do. The most he can do is his hope his children will care about Vader as much as they do Anakin. He doesn't know if he can fairly ask more of them when he doesn't know what's already happened between them and Vader, but... He wants to do at least something.
Either way, he wants to go see them again before it's too late.
With reluctance, he activates the machine to seal his helmet back over his head again and gets out of the pod, going in search of them. He let them move freely on the Star Destroyer, but that unfortunately means Anakin has no idea where they went. And having to wander around trying to figure out is kind of painful, even if he's getting used to the constant dull ache from walking.
The stormtroopers he runs into point him in the direction of the hangar so that's where he finally goes.
The Falcon is in the hangar – Anakin had the ship brought along with them when they left Bespin, of course – so that's his first guess as to where the twins are.
Han and Chewbacca are working on the outside of the ship when he gets there but they both sort of freeze up when he approaches. Now that he has his children, everyone's jitteriness around him isn't quite as frustrating but it's still exhausting, and he doesn't understand what's with it.
"Han," Anakin greets, "Have you seen Luke or Leia?"
"The princess said she was going to... make an important call. She's inside the ship now. She didn't want to be disturbed. Luke is up on the bridge. Said he wanted to see more of how Star Destroyers work." Han doesn't exactly seem nervous but he seems to be feeling pretty awkward about the whole conversation.
Of course Luke is interested in that – the same kind of curiosity Anakin once felt at first seeing any kind of starship. It floods him with a certain warmth to see the similarities between them.
"Nice ship you have here," Anakin comments, eyeing the Falcon. He doesn't know Han well but... he'd like to. He's friends with both his children after all and he obviously cares about them deeply.
Han perks up instantly at the mention of his ship. "I modified her myself," he says, "She's the fastest ship of this size out there."
"Can I see it?" he asks, a bit curiously.
He doesn't think Han is fully bluffing.
"...sure," he agrees, leading Anakin onto the ship.
They get lost in a conversation about ship parts almost without meaning too though Anakin tries not to get too carried away. He wants to be with the twins, but –
'Impressive," Anakin has to comment as he studies the modifications. It... really is.
"I didn't know you were so into ships," Han remarks.
"I've been flying ships since I was nine," he replies dryly.
Han makes a noncommittal noise but he's obviously curious.
"How did you end up knowing my... children?"
"Luke and that old Ben – " Anakin decides not to comment on how he's addressing Obi-Wan. " – hired me to give them a ride to Alderaan. But we didn't show up there 'til after the Death Star destroyed it and we had to rescue the princess from there. They didn't want me to leave after that." He shrugs a shoulder. "So I stuck around."
Wait –
"Alderaan?" Anakin repeats, "What do you mean... destroyed?"
"You don't know about the Death Star?" he asks, staring, "Right you said you didn't remember. Well... it was a planet-destroying space station and it blew up the whole planet."
The whole planet?
He has the sudden sinking feeling that he understands more about how Leia's been acting this whole time in this moment than – ever. "Leia's ... family? What happened to them?"
"They're all dead, from what she's told me. She doesn't talk about it much," Han replies, face shadowing. There's a veiled concern there. He's worried about her. And he – Anakin can sense a bit of what's between them. It's not something he has any opposition to either, not that he's known them long enough to have much to say about it. Han obviously cares about Leia deeply and he's compassionate, despite how much he often doesn't show it.
But Force, he needs to talk to Leia.
"Don't you have some debt to be paying off?" he asks, as an afterthought, remembering what Boba kept pestering him about earlier.
Han grimaces. "I do. Haven't taken the time."
"Shouldn't that have been your first course of action long ago?"
"The Rebellion didn't want me to leave and I'm not looking forward to paying off that old Hutt anyway."
"I would suggest paying it off before a bounty hunter actually catches up to you. Boba Fett wanted to take you as it was," Anakin points out.
"You didn't let him?" Han asks, sounding almost confused.
"I would not turn someone over to a Hutt," he replies flatly. "And I... see you care for my children. I am grateful of your friendship with them."
Han nods a little, like he's feeling almost awkward.
The sound of the door opening further down the hall of the Falcon opening. Sounds like Leia's out.
"I'll be seeing you later then," Anakin tells him, though on second thought this might be the last time he sees him. He turns to go back down the hall as Leia comes out of the room.
"Anakin?" she asks, looking up. She seems happy to see him, even if it a bit startled.
"Leia," he replies, smiling himself even if she can't see behind the mask, "Another... meeting?"
"Mas Amedda is trying to keep control but the other Imperials are fighting over it. From what we've heard on inside reports. I don't think it'll be too much work to take over the government if we make a move now," she replies.
It's like he thought, then. The galaxy is on the verge of falling apart now that Sidious is gone. And that is... his fault. Maybe this is the only way but still. "Is there truly a way to reunite and rebuild the galaxy without it falling completely?" he asks. This is what they fought for, what everyone fought for, and... He thinks the galaxy is about to fall anyway.
"Honestly, I don't know," Leia admits, "The rifts in the Empire have been growing for so long... I suppose you're not wrong that that's the only thing that was keeping it together but sometimes things have to be destroyed to be rebuilt."
"I hope it will help," is the most Anakin can offer. It still feels like a failure somehow. He's still afraid even more people are going to be hurt in whatever chaos is about to ensue not that there's anything he can do about it now. Which brings him back to the other situation.
"I didn't know about Alderaan," he starts awkwardly, "I'm... sorry."
Her face flickers, expression mostly closing off but he can feel her wild grief at the mere mention. "I keep forgetting you don't remember much."
He reaches out very slowly, hand hovering uncertainly before he touches her shoulder.
She seems a little startled, but she doesn't seem to mind. She reaches up slowly after a brief pause, lightly touching his wrist.
He wishes he could feel it. He's never going to get to feel his children touch him so long as he's here.
Force. He misses being touched by anyone so much.
"There is something else I must tell you. I am... going to be leaving. Returning to my own time."
She blinks. "Already? I didn't know this was reversible?"
"The Force brought me here. I can feel it shifting now. It intends to take me back soon."
"Oh." She looks almost disappointed. "That means..."
Anakin's gust twists uncomfortably simply at seeing how uncomfortable she seems at the prospect of meeting her real parent because Anakin doesn't truly belong in this time. "I don't think he knows who you are," he blurts, without really thinking, "If he did, I – I am sure it would mean something. But I understand – and I know he would as well – if you don't... want anything to do with him." Even if he can't begin to imagine what it would do to his older-self for his own child to say that.
With the amount of loneliness Anakin knows he feels and especially when he has no other way of getting out, unlike Anakin who can still go home, it would be – intolerable. Unbearable.
Maybe...
Maybe it's not such a shock that he's Fallen.
He knows he's Darker than he should be. He knows the resentment and bitterness he carries, that's been steadily growing for years, against the Council and the Republic is strong enough to scare even him because he doesn't know how much longer he can keep repressing it.
"I'll talk to him," Leia replies quietly, glancing away, "I... I don't have any living family anymore. Except – Luke and you. I can't just... ignore it."
There's an overwhelming grief in her eyes. He can see and feel it.
She's trying to be strong because she doesn't have a choice, because she's fighting to avenge Alderaan, to prove that their loss was for something and – It's no wonder she sees no other way. She doesn't have anyone to lean on, not truly.
Anakin won't be here long enough to be there for her, but Vader will be. And he knows that Vader will help her if he can, if they can... sort out whatever happened.
"Alderaan was not on you," he says, at last, "But I understand why you feel the need to avenge them. To... bring their memories justice." Because they do deserve it. Nothing Sidious ever says could excuse what happened there.
Leia nods. She doesn't reply but he thinks she's too overwhelmed form the memories to reply. He squeezes her shoulder a little tighter; it's the most comfort he can offer her.
"I want to know what he's really like. What changed. What made him so different from what I see you as like now," she says dully, "I'll talk to him. But – are you going to be alright after you go back?"
Probably more alright than he'll ever be here but he doesn't know that for sure. Everything could be about to fall apart when he gets back home. "I will be. It's you that I am concerned about." Her words soothed something inside him, though. He thinks her and Vader will make something work. Somehow.
She offers him a half smile and he thinks the fact that he's worried means a lot to her already.
"We should find Luke," Anakin decides finally. He needs time to talk to him before going back.
Luke is on the bridge when Anakin finds him.
"Father?" he asks, brightening instantly.
"Luke," he replies, heart flaring with warmth and then longing. This will be the last time he sees this Luke. "There is something I must tell you."
"What?" Luke asks, frowning a little.
"I will be returning to my time," he replies slowly, "I can sense it in the Force."
His eyes widen with shock, as the full realization starts to sink in. "You're leaving? But..."
"I do not belong here," Anakin reminds, "Vader... is your father. Not me."
"But you're..." Luke trails off.
"What is it?" he prods, just to be sure he understands. That they seem to want him more than the version of him who belongs here hurts, if he's being honest. He's afraid of what it will mean for his older-self, truthfully, even if it feels selfish to keep thinking about that instead of just worrying about how his children will be handling it. His older-self isn't him, though.
"I always thought my father was a Jedi. When I heard of him, I thought he would be like you. I don't understand how... you could become a Sith or whatever happened here."
"He is still your father. Your real one," Anakin replies, "If there is any of me left in him, I believe you will see it. But... after everything he has been through, I doubt he could be entirely the same again but perhaps that is not a bad thing." He must be more mature. Hopefully more likely to know... what the right choice is. And Sidious is gone. If Sidious was really keeping him as basically a slave, then he will be free now. Anakin will never know either way but... He'd still like too.
"I know," Luke concedes, "I – I do want to talk to him. But I just..."
Anakin reaches for him, lightly touching his shoulder the same way he did with Leia. Luke looks up at him for a long moment before he darts forward, winding his arms around Anakin's waist. Anakin starts slightly in surprise but slips his arms around his back, holding him close. He can't feel it through the armor, and he misses touch unbearably but... at least he's getting the chance to hold him.
"I'm sure he will be happy to continue your training and go flying with you," Anakin goes on. All things he wishes they'd had the time to do. But – he's going to get the chance to raise his children from birth and that's something.
"When are you going back?" Luke inquires, "I mean... how much time do we have?"
"A few hours, at least, I believe."
"Then maybe we can spend it doing something together. And with Leia too."
"If you want," Anakin agrees, his own eagerness rising.
They go back to the hangar together.
"I'd like to go flying but we won't be able to do that with Leia," Luke comments as they enter.
"I'm sure you will have plenty of time to do that with Vader later."
Leia's standing outside of the Falcon, talking to Han but she comes over to them when she sees them.
They finally settle for working on some modifications on the Falcon that Han agrees they're allowed to do. It's nice to have the twins working alongside him. He didn't realize Leia knew how to do this so well. It was expected for Luke since he's a pilot, but not for her.
Trying to do this kind of close wire work with his hands is still kind of frustrating, though. He's still not used to his left hand yet even if it's been over five days already. He's beginning to think his newer limb is simply just designed to be clumsy.
"This technology is more advanced than my time," Anakin remarks, "This is giving me ideas for modifications that I will be able to make."
"What's different about it?" Luke queries, and Anakin goes into details, explaining.
"I guess it won't hurt to get ahead of the time," his son agrees dryly, once he's finished.
Anakin laughs though it sounds weirdly distorted through the vocoder. "Yes."
He tries to connect a wire, but it doesn't work quite right and it sends a sudden shock running through his hand. The metal transmits a burning sting of it through where it connects with his arm and he jerks back.
"Maybe you should let me do that," Leia volunteers, "My hands are smaller anyway."
"Tiny," he corrects dryly, trying to ignore the wild surge of frustration inside of him at his own inability to even do any of this.
"Hey," she huffs, fake-scowling up at him.
"It is true. You are both small. Like your mother."
They both perk up at bit at the mention of her again.
"Perhaps I can tell you another story about her while I have time," he muses as he tries to go back to working on the ship. It's still not working well so he starts nudging things around with the Force a little to make it work better.
Luke keeps side-eyeing him, though. "You're having difficulties with your hands," he observes very slowly, "If... you want, maybe I can look at them later like you did with my hand."
Luke seems to have adjusted to it pretty well but his does have sensors in it and Anakin's left limb does not for some reason.
"There will not be time now but – Perhaps later, I am sure Vader will appreciate it. I don't believe the limbs were installed very well or are up to standard."
"If you could five my hand, couldn't you – I mean he – have fixed his limbs too?" Luke asks, frowning before his expression darkens, "Or... was he not allowed too?"
His gut twists at the thought. "I – I do not know why that would be." Palpatine wouldn't do that. But Anakin doesn't even know what caused his injuries in the first place. All he knows is that being so closed off from the world is driving him insane. Maybe that's why his older-self is... not very himself anymore. "But... Palpatine does have full control of my medical reports and all decisions pertaining to that."
"What?" Leia demands incredulously. "How could he?"
"I do not know but I was not allowed access."
Both of their expression's darken.
"That's not something he gets the right too. Not even as Emperor. Unless..." Luke trails off, the meaning obvious.
Unless Vader was his slave.
"Perhaps you are not wrong," Anakin admits quietly.
"We can talk to him," Leia promises finally, "Is your armor life support?" She's visibly hesitant when she asks.
"Yes. I don't know the full extents but there are many implants." He doesn't know the full extent. Doesn't exactly know what he looks like under the armor because he hasn't taken it off.
Both the twins look sick.
"I'll definitely be talking to him," Luke promises and Anakin can't deny that he's grateful to hear that.
They go back to working on the ship together and Anakin senses it when the Force disturbance around him starts to grow. It's getting stronger and stronger with each passing moment now and he knows what it means.
"Luke, Leia," Anakin speaks up finally, stepping back, "It's time."
They both look startled and visibly unhappy.
"Already?" Luke asks, disappointed.
"You will still know me," he reminds. Even if it'll be different. Neither of them are really losing the other even if it doesn't feel that way right now. "And in my time, I will give you the lives you should have had. I know it will not help you here but –"
"It's something," Leia assures, smiling faintly though it's pained.
"I will miss you," he admits, "I know my twins are not the same as you."
"We'll miss you too," Luke replies quietly.
Leia nodding her agreement. "Good luck," she says, softly.
"May the Force be with you," Anakin replies, reaching out to lay a hand on each of their shoulders for the last time. Luke reaches up, wrapping his smaller hand around Anakin's, squeezing it even though he can't feel the pressure.
Anakin engrains their faces into his mind, looking at them one last time before he feels the Force surge around him and everything goes dark.
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