Chapter 50: A Very Marauder Christmas
I stared at the scruffy man in front of me as he sat on my couch. He stared back.
"So… you're Sirius Black?" I inquired slowly, raising an eyebrow at the man who needed a sandwich, a shower, and a hug. And not necessarily in that order.
"Yup. And you're Erroneous' brat, huh?" the escaped convict replied, before snorting. "You certainly have his chin."
I rubbed my chiseled and very manly jawline. "That's me. I go by Edward Rose these days," I told him. "Pleased to meet you."
"Same," Sirius nodded. "I heard you were the one who caught the rat and concocted that crazy plan."
"That's right," I confirmed. "Uh, out of curiosity, where's Wiggles?"
"Wiggles is back at my place," Remus Lupin said. "He was cold and tired and we thought it was better to have him rest up somewhere warm and safe."
"That's good," I said, glad the bat had survived his mission. He'd been a real useful little cutie.
I had been surprised when, early on Christmas morning, Remus Lupin had come over. I'd been expecting him, since we'd made plans to have Christmas brunch together with Harry, but seven in the morning was a bit earlier than I'd expected.
When Inky had informed me that Remus had brought a black-furred dog along with him, I'd instantly known who it was that'd come with the werewolf. So, I'd grabbed a bathrobe and headed to the door, still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. And that was how Sirius Black and Remus Lupin ended up sitting on my couch.
"Where's Prongslet?" Sirius asked, looking around the apartment curiously.
"Harry? He's at a sleepover with a friend from Hogwarts," I replied. "He should be back around ten or so."
"I see," Sirius replied, slumping a bit.
"You've been rather quite so far, Remus," I said, glancing over at my head of security.
"It's been an interesting few hours," the other man admitted. "Not entirely sure it's all sunk in, yet."
"Ah. Understandable," I nodded sympathetically. "Want some coffee or tea?"
"That would be appreciated," the werewolf nodded, and a moment later Inky popped in with a tray that had a teapot and cups on it, leaving it on the coffee table for us to use.
"What now?" I asked. "I'm not opposed to letting Harry meet you both, in fact I think he needs to do so, but after that…"
As I trailed off, Remus nodded in understanding. "We'll go with your plan to pave the ground for Sirius' trial," he said, before shaking his head. "I still cannot believe they didn't give you one!"
"Blame Crouch for that," Sirius grumbled. "Bastard just wanted to streamline things, especially after his son went and embarrassed him by siding with the Death Eaters. I was supposed to have my trial after dear Bella's, but got tossed into Azkaban shortly after his son was sentenced and tried because of that mess."
'That reminds me, I need to do something about Barty Jr. soon,' I thought to myself while taking a sip of tea to help wake up.
With Pettigrew in my custody and Riddle's diary at Hogwarts, the only person I knew of who was free and willing to help the Dark Lord return would be Crouch's son. Letting him escape during the World Cup in two years' time would be stupid. But I'd need to be careful how I handled that as well, because if Sirius finally got his trial, it would put pressure and scrutiny on Crouch, which might cause his attention to slip, allowing Junior to escape that way.
The future was ever shifting, and I couldn't rely on things still going the way they had in the books. Already there were signs of my meddling causing ripples. Harry not venturing after the Philosopher's Stone was one such example.
"Remus said you had a plan for getting my name cleared?" Sirius inquired, dragging me back to the present, and I nodded.
"Yes. Harry is friends with Amelia Bones' niece. I hope that, through her, we can plant the seeds to make her realize you need a trial. As the head of the DMLA, Director Bones should want to see justice done properly. We just need to make sure she doesn't get too gung-ho about it and come after you. Speaking of, what are the odds they'll realize you're missing from Azkaban soon?"
"The guards are pretty lax this time of year. Food is delivered via magic, so they don't have to visit us personally, and only bother to check on us once or twice a week. The holidays are worse, as prisoners in the upper levels, where they keep the scum like my cousin Bella and myself, might not be checked on until after New Years," Sirius informed me, and I frowned.
"That's horrible, but at least it gives us a few days to freely plan," I muttered. "We need to think of a hiding place for you in the meantime."
'And I'll have to check Flamel's journey for any notes on how to kill Dementors,' I thought privately. Because like Hell I was going to allow those things to roam around the Muggle world or Hogwarts openly!
"You two look hungry," I said after a moment. "I wasn't planning on having breakfast, but it's still pretty early. Want do you want? Waffles? Pancakes? I've got sausages and a rasher of bacon, too."
"All of it," Sirius said, clearly trying not to drool. Remus rolled his eyes, but I got it. He'd been unjustly imprisoned for over ten years. Binging on food was to be expected.
Inky and I started cooking, with us preparing not just the breakfast for my two guests but also the upcoming Christmas brunch.
Pancakes were really easy to make, and I got three dozen of them whipped up and ready to munch on. I served them up piping hot with a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg, plus a dollop of whipped cream. A small tureen of warmed up maple syrup was then placed on the table.
The food vanished in a flash. Sirius Black gobbled down ten pancakes in under three minutes, not bothering to cover them in any syrup or use a fork and knife, just grabbing one and cramming it into his mouth.
Lupin ate a bit more sedately, but he also had a major appetite. By the time I brought out some bacon the two men had consumed two dozen pancakes between them.
"You're going to want to pace yourselves," I warned. "Otherwise, you won't be able to handle any of the ham or turkey we've got for brunch."
"Sorry," Sirius apologized. "It's been a while since I've had a meal this good."
"It's fine, just don't complain when you hurt yourself," I replied. "Actually… Inky, can you get some medicine for their stomachs? And a nutriment potion milkshake for Sirius."
A couple seconds later, two vials of stomach soothing medicine appeared next to my guests along with the requested milkshake. The potion-laced drink would help the escaped prisoner assimilate the food he'd just eaten and put some meat on his bones. Seriously, the man was dangerously thin.
'Another reason why Azkaban has got to go,' I thought to myself. The fact that the magical folk of the British Isles had only a single prison and it was guarded by soul-eating monsters was completely insane. Crimes either resulted in fines, banishment, a stint in Azkaban, or death. There were no in-betweens.
And sadly, that seemed to be the case for the rest of the magical world. Only a few magical countries had anything even resembling acceptable jails. France being the foremost one in Europe. It was ridiculous, really.
"Thanks," Sirius said, drinking the tasty shake in a few loud gulps. "Now, what can you tell me about Harry?"
"How much do you know?" I asked, and he gained a scowl.
"Moony told me what he knew. And it didn't make me any more inclined to trust Dumbledore."
"So, was the headmaster really the one who cast the Fidelius?" I asked.
"He was," Sirius nodded. "Dumbledore knew Wormtail was the Secret Keeper, not me! Yet he left me to rot in that hell for ten long years!"
"I was afraid of that," I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "Alright, here's what I know, and how I ended up meeting Harry."
Sirius' expression grew increasingly furious as I explained what'd happened after Sirius gave baby Harry to Hagrid. From the abuse at the hands of the Dursleys to the schemes surrounding keeping Harry alone and isolated, to the foolish 'trap' Dumbledore had made to lure in Voldemort to Hogwarts as a means to test the Boy-Who-Lived.
"You-Know-Who is still alive?" Sirius demanded. "You're sure?"
"Pretty sure, yeah," I nodded.
"How? That doesn't make any sense!" the animagus exclaimed.
"I have some guesses," I admitted. "Does the Black family know about Horcruxes?"
Sirius gaped at me in disbelief and horror. Lupin growled. Even if he already knew thanks to me informing him of them, it was still a disgusting thing to even think about.
"How do you-? No, let me guess, the Hunches knew about it too," Sirius muttered. "Makes sense, they were a noble house, once."
"Still technically are, but yes, the Hunches have an extensive collection of literature," I said, lying through omission about the source of my knowledge.
"I want to say he would never do something like that… yet I know someone like him would absolutely do something as heinous as creating a Horcrux to avoid death," Lupin growled, the wolf in him rising to the fore.
"But what did he use as a Horcrux? And where would he have hidden it?" Sirius wondered.
"Dunno. I don't think he'd have hidden it with anyone he didn't completely trust," I said, trying to nudge them towards the right answers.
"His Inner Circle, then," Lupin guessed. "The main families who served him were the Malfoys, the Lestranges, and the Raystones."
"I don't recognize that last one," I admitted with a frown.
"They were wiped out early in the war," Lupin explained.
"Not that anyone will miss 'em," Sirius scoffed. "He was a paranoid bastard, though, so I doubt he let anyone actually know what it was he'd given them."
"Very likely," I agreed.
Our discussion had to be put on hold when a knock at the door drew us attention back to the present, and I got up to answer it. Opening the door, I found Sam on the other side, hands full of bags with food.
"Hey there! Merry Christmas, Ed!" he said cheerfully.
"Sam! How are you?" I asked, hugging him.
"Doing good," he replied, returning the gesture.
"Come on in! Some other people are gonna be here for Christmas brunch besides Harry and Mr. Lupin, by the way," I said as I led him inside.
"Who?"
"Mr. Lupin's friend," I replied. Sam blinked in surprise when he saw the scruffy man waving at him from the dining room table, messy plates in front of him. He recognized Remus Lupin, and had already met him, but the other person was a mystery. Though since he was glaring at the remnants of the breakfast, I knew why he was upset.
"Did you start eating without us?" he asked, annoyed.
"I just made them pancakes," I assured him. "Sam, this is Sirius Black, Harry's Godfather. Sirius, this is my friend Sam Parson."
"Why does he look like he escaped from a prison?" Sam asked warily, causing the man in question to bark out a laugh.
"Because he did," Remus said dryly.
"Wait… is this the guy who supposedly sold-out Harry's parents?!" Sam gasped. "The one who was falsely imprisoned?"
"That's him," I snickered. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"
"Not like anyone would believe me," Sam grunted, shaking his head in disbelief. "Anyways, I hope you properly brined the turkey!"
"Inky and I made sure of it," I promised.
"Alrighty, then. I'll be working on the food with Inky, then," he said, walking towards the kitchenette.
"Young Master Eddie! Young Mister Harry has arrived," Inky informed me a moment later, having detected his arrival.
"Great! I'll go get him," I said, grabbing my coat, shoes, and a paper bag from the closet before stepping out of the apartment.
It was chilly, but there wasn't any snow save a small dusting of it from last night, which was a relief, and I went down to greet Harry.
"Ed!" Harry said cheerfully as he got out of the limo. "Merry Christmas!"
"Hey, Harry," I said. "Merry Christmas as well!"
"And thank you for dropping him off," I said, turning to the limo's chauffeur. "Oh, and could you drop off a couple gifts at the Finch-Fletchleys when you head back?"
"Sure," he replied. I handed over the paper bag with a couple simple magical items wrapped up in Christmas themed parchment. Cosmetics for the missus, boot and medal polish for the mister, and Justin was getting a couple of magical prank items.
I also included an envelope with a hundred Pounds Sterling which was for the chauffeur as a gift for working on Christmas day. I'd done the same for my employees, making sure they all got a nice Holiday bonus which had made them very excited and grateful.
The Finch-Fletchley's driver tipped his hat to me in thanks, and drove off, leaving me with Harry who was practically vibrating with excitement, a bag full of clothes and toiletries from the sleepover in hand.
"Did you have fun at the sleepover with Justin?" I asked.
"I did! His house is amazing!" Harry said, which I could only nod in agreement at. Their house was indeed amazing.
"Glad you enjoyed yourself," I said, genuinely happy for him.
"Is Sam here? And Mr. Lupin?" Harry wondered, and I nodded.
"Yup! They're both here. But, before we go in, I want you to know that there's somebody here to meet you," I told him as I led him inside. "Somebody Remus brought."
"Who?" he asked, curious, but also a little suspicious.
"You'll see," I assured him as we stepped into the apartment. I took his coat and hung it up, letting Harry enter the living room.
"Harry?" Sirius breathed out when he saw the green-eyed boy enter. He stared at the pre-teen as if he was seeing a ghost or hallucination that would vanish if he blinked.
"Um, hello," Harry said nervously.
"Harry, this is Sirius Black," I said, and Harry's eyes lit up in recognition. I'd told him all about the lack of evidence there was towards Sirius Black being guilty, but I wasn't sure if he'd ever decided if he believed in the man's innocence.
"Harry… Prongslet… it's me. Do you remember me?" Sirius whispered, all but begging.
"I-I don't," Harry replied, shaking his head. "But… is it true? Did… did you do it?"
"No! No, I never betrayed your parents! I would never hurt James or his family! He was my brother in all but blood!" Sirius exclaimed, pleading for Harry to believe him.
That was all Harry needed to hear, it seemed, as he immediately rushed over to the other man and gave him a hug.
The two immediately broke down into tears, which made the rest of us tear up as well. But we didn't cry! And anyone who claims we did is a liar! Pics or it didn't happen!
After that, Harry spent the rest of the morning attached to Sirius' side, and he and Remus took turns telling Harry all about his parents. How James had been smitten with Lily from day one, and how Lily had been uninterested in James' pranking ways until their Sixth year, when James had started to mature and straighten up his act.
Not that the pranks stopped, of course. Sirius happily regaled Harry about the antics the Marauders had gotten up to, and there was a lot of laughs from everybody as the mostly harmless pranks were spoken about.
Sirius' mention of James' invisibility cloak had caused Harry to perk up and rush to get it, showing it off to everyone, which had Remus and Sirius impressed that it still worked after all these years.
When the food was ready, everyone was ready to eat. Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, egg salad, and so much more was piled up onto plates, while sparkling cider filled our cups, and everyone enjoyed the festive mood that suffused the apartment.
And then came the part Harry had been excited for. Presents! Sam got Harry a bunch of fantasy books from a couple of different authors, including Sir Terry Pratchett and Anne McCaffrey. Remus got Harry a broom-care kit. Sirius didn't have anything, but Harry assured him the stories of his parents had been enough. As for my gift? It was one I was giving to both Harry and Sam.
"Merry Christmas, you two!" I said happily, handing out a pair of manilla envelopes to Harry and Sam. "Go on, open them up!"
"Th-this is-!" Sam stammered in shock as he opened what I'd given him, looking at the documents that'd been inside with awe and disbelief. Harry just tilted his head to the side, not really understanding what the gift was.
"Yup! It's all yours," I assured Sam.
Both Sam and Harry were now the proud owners of one percent each of Cauldron Remedies! They could sell it for a huge sum in the future, or keep it and do whatever they wanted with it.
'And that one percent lets them have a say in how the company will do things going forward,' I thought with a smile.
"I don't understand what this is," Harry admitted. Sirius nodded in agreement, looking over his godson's shoulder to read the documents.
"Ah, let me explain," Remus offered.
He then went on to tell Harry and Sirius what 'stocks' were, which gave me a giggle as the two of them couldn't wrap their heads around the convoluted mess that was the Stock Market. I sympathized with them. But was also surprised the werewolf knew about this topic to the extent he did.
Presents continued to be passed around after that. I got Remus a crate of magical energy drinks to help recover from his curse after a full moon. They came from a Native American group in the U.S. who made interesting medicines to help alleviate all sorts of curses. In turn, Remus got me some magical cufflinks that would create a Protegocharm when raised in front of my face, creating a magical shield to deflect minor spells.
From Harry and Sam, I got a book on runes and a collection of video games respectively. Sirius hadn't gotten me anything but I assured him it was fine. He refused.
"I won't let somebody who's helped my godson out so much when nobody else did not receive a gift! The honor of House Black demands it!" Sirius declared pompously.
"More like you enjoy the idea of giving stuff to a Squib because it would cause your harpy of a mother to spin in her grave," Remus said, and the animagus snorted.
"That too. So, just you wait, Eddy! I'll have an awesome gift for you as soon as I can sneak back into my old home and grab something for ya. How do you feel about curses?"
"Not exactly a fan of them, but I'd take a book of curses that can be made with runes or potions if you're offering," I said, causing Harry and Sam to roll their eyes at my request, Remus to shake his head, and Sirius to bark out a laugh.
"I like your style, kid! Sure, I know a couple old tomes that might fit the bill!"
"I'm eighteen," I said. Well, technically sixteen, and mentally I was older than him as well, but my paperwork said eighteen, so who cares about the little details?
Sirius just laughed again, and I chuckled as well along with him.
"So, Harry, how's school going?" Sam asked, changing the topic.
"It's been… going," he said slowly. "Um, just out of curiosity, but do any of you know what the 'Chamber of Secrets' is?"
The three of us with a magical background stared at him. Remus and Sirius because they and I did because I remembered it was a thing. Not having Occlumency to draw on 24/7 had made me… forgetful about things, especially from my previous life, and I wasn't exactly fond of that.
'Oh, yeah, the Chamber would have been opened back during Halloween by Riddle Jr., wouldn't it?' I mused as the two older wizards began to explain to Harry about what they knew, which basically boiled down to 'Salazar Slytherin made to protect Hogwarts and purge the Muggleborn using a monster of some sort.'
"But what exactly is the monster?" Harry asked.
"Nobody knows," I said with a shrug. "But let's look at what we do know. Salazar Slytherin was a powerful wizard. Probably would have been a Dark Lord if he hadn't helped found Hogwarts. And he was a Parseltongue. Meaning he could speak with control snakes. Neat, right?"
"Yeah," Harry nodded, wondering where I was going with this.
"Now, how many dangerous magical snakes are there?" I asked him.
"I don't know," he admitted.
"That's alright, Care of Magical Creatures is a 3rd year elective," I assured him. "Hmm, let's see… there's the two-headed Runespoor, but while one head is exceptionally venomous, the other actually contains the antidote to its own bite, so I don't believe Slytherin would have used it. Then we have the ashwinder, Horned Serpents and Coatls – though we can probably ignore those last two since they're New World magical snakes – and a few others that I can't recall off the top of my head. Though, really, the only possible explanation as to what was used to guard the Chamber of Secrets would be a basilisk based on what we currently know."
"A basilisk?" Harry asked while Sam grimaced recognizing the name from D and other fantasy tales.
"Yes. A truly massive Five X class creature," Remus explained. "They are hatched in a dark ritual where a toad incubates a chicken egg. They are extremely venomous and have magic resistant hides. Worse, however, is that if you look into the eyes of a basilisk, you will die instantly."
"That's right. And a basilisk has only a few weaknesses: The main one is the crowing of a rooster, which kills them upon hearing it. Magically conjured roosters won't work, though. They have to be live ones," I told Harry.
"So that's why Hagrid's chickens were all killed!" Harry realized with a gasp. That caused Remus and Sirius to immediately gain concerned looks. They'd thought this question of his had been purely academic, but somehow, there was somebody going around killing animals?
"Yup. The other weakness basilisk's have is they're still snakes, and thus have to obey a Parseltongue," I revealed. "Although if this beast really is one created by Salazar himself, then I don't doubt he'd have laid protections on it to ward off other Parseltongues taking control."
"Only those two weaknesses…" Harry muttered thoughtfully.
"Yup. I mean, a sword or spear could probably still hurt it, same with combat spells, but I don't think anyone would want to have to fight a giant snake in melee combat. There's a reason they are one of the most dangerous creatures in existence, surpassed only by Nundu and dragons," I said grimly. "And even then, I'd say the basilisk has pretty good odds against the other two if it manages to look them in the eyes or ambush them and land a bite with its venomous fangs."
"Drat, I guess it was too much to hope I'd be able to do something about this myself," Harry grumbled.
"HA! Yeah, no, there's no way in hell I or anyone else here would let you try and confront a freaking basilisk!" I said firmly, Sam nodding furiously in agreement.
"A basilisk in the castle? Are you serious?" Remus asked, looking skeptical of my claim.
"Wait, you're a Parseltongue?" Sirius exclaimed at the same time, seeming to catch onto to what Harry had been implying, and Remus soon gained a shocked expression as he too caught on.
"Oh, um, yes, apparently," Harry said with a nod.
"I know that tone. What happened?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at the Boy-Who-Lived, who winced, embarrassed.
"Well, Professor Lockhart restarted the Dueling Club after Halloween, and I had to duel Draco in front of everyone else. And I started winning! But then Professor Snape cheated and taught Draco a spell that summoned a snake. He couldn't control it, though, and it was going to attack Susan! So I just… I yelled at it. And it listened," Harry said, looking down.
"Well, shit," I muttered. "That's… is anyone giving you a hard time for it?"
"Not really," Harry said with a shrug. "The Gryffindors in my year already knew, and it kinda spread to the Hufflepuffs through Susan and Hannah. I think some people are, uh, afraid, but they're not saying anything about. Even the Slytherins seem subdued, like they don't know what to do about."
"Well, just remember that Parseltongue is neither inherently good or bad. Just because some assholes were able to speak it doesn't make you bad by association."
"Yeah, Padma and Parvati were really surprised but didn't seem scared or worried. Apparently they have an uncle or something in India who's also a Parseltongue, and they know it's just another skill. That's really helped, honestly."
Harry then tilted his head to the side. "Actually, a couple of Ravenclaws have been really excited to ask me about it. One First Year, Luna, has been asking me a bunch of questions about what it's like being a Parseltongue and if I could speak with things other than snakes."
"Can you?" Sam asked, curious, and he nodded.
"Yup! I can talk with anything that has a forked tongue. One of the students in Ravenclaw had a goanna lizard and I could speak with it. I think the Ravenclaws want to study me and write a research paper on what I can do," Harry said, relaxing a bit.
"Can we please go back to the part where you think a basilisk is in the castle?!" Remus demanded, and we all winced at his loud voice.
"Uh, well, sometime during Halloween, somebody petrified Mrs. Norris, that's Filch's pet cat by the way," Harry began. "They also wrote 'The Chamber of Secrets has been opened, enemies of the heir, beware!' on the wall."
"Is that all?" I asked.
"No! Colin Creevy, a First Year, was also found petrified in November, before Thanksgiving!" Harry added. "And Nearly Headless Nick was also somehow petrified before Christmas Break!"
'Hmm, good, good, not too many people suffered this time around. And of course I knew Justin avoided his fate from the books already,' I mused, quickly dipping into my Occlumency for a moment. 'It seems that his friendship with Harry has helped him avoid all of that. He's also not antagonistic towards Harry, either. Another plus!'
I was glad that things had happened differently compared to the books. I liked Justin, and didn't want him to get hurt.
"Well, if they're petrified, then it's definitely not a basilisk," Sirius said, relieved. "It's probably a gorgon or some sorta curse. Mandrake draught will fix that right up!"
"Maybe," Sam said, unconvinced. "Harry, was there anything odd about the victims when they were petrified?"
"Well, Colin did have his camera with him… only when they opened it up to see if he'd managed to take a picture of the other person, it seemed like the film had melted," Harry said. "And… hang on, there was water on the floor near Mrs. Norris!"
"Water… and a camera? That's it!" Sam exclaimed. "Reflections! That's why they're not dead!"
"You think the cat and kid saw the basilisk through reflections or some other obstruction and that's why it's gaze didn't kill them?" I asked, though quietly, I was glad Sam had come to the conclusion first. Saved me from having to do it.
"Yes, exactly!" Sam said, and Harry gasped, while Sirius and Remus both looked disturbed. "And Nick is a ghost, right? I bet that's why he got petrified as well. Can't kill what's already dead."
"That's… I suppose that's possible," Remus admitted slowly. "We don't actually know very much about how a basilisk's gaze works."
"A basilisk is in Hogwarts?! And nobody's done anything about it after it attacked a student?! What is Dumbledore thinking!" Sirius snarled.
"Good question," I said. "And have they unpetrified the boy yet?"
"No, the Mandrakes in the greenhouses aren't ripe yet," Harry replied.
"Then why not buy some that are? People grow Mandrakes year round all over the world, they're a key component in Pepper-Up Potions among other things," I pointed out. "Hell, just buy a Petrification Daught from somebody who has them premade, or take the boy to Saint Mungo's! The potions are cheap and they keep for a few weeks before going bad, after all, and a hospital has got to have some in stock in case of emergencies!"
"Incompetence," Sam declared in disgust.
"That or pure, unbridled hubris," I added. "Dumbledore was already on thin ice already after his stunt with the Philosopher's Stone. I don't think we can trust him for much else after this muck up."
I then turned to Harry. "I'm going to send a few letters, and then I'll grab some fresh Mandrakes from a seller I know and brew the damn potion myself! You'll take it with you when you head back to Hogwarts, understood?"
"Right!" Harry said with a firm nod.
"Good," I grunted, before sighing a bit. "Ugh, that brought the mood down."
"Little bit, yeah," Sirius agreed.
"Although now I know why your fortune telling told me to be wary of snakes this year," Harry pointed out.
"Fair point," I nodded. "Let's just grab something nice. Some cookies might help as well."
That made everyone perk up. Nothing like a sweet treat to improve the mood.
And so, another Christmas came to an end. I just hoped the coming year would not be nearly as hectic. I had a feeling that was a long-shot, though. At least this one didn't end in a shootout.