WILL

Lou was moving back in.

The thought sat with me since the moment Nathan disconnected our call quietly gnawing at the edges of my mind. Even though I'd agreed to have her back at the annex, there was still a part of me that wasn't sure if this was the right thing for either of us. Yet, despite everything, I couldn't deny that the idea of her being here—sharing this space with me again—felt like a reprieve from the suffocating solitude.

Lou was a constant in my life. The person I'd come to depend on in more ways than one. She was still pretty much the only thing that made me look forward to waking up in the morning, and I suspect that would never change. She brought beauty into my life. She gave me hope. But that hope was dangerous. Hope reminded me of the things I had and would never have again. Her presence was both life-giving and the source of my sadness because I couldn't be what I wanted to be for her.

I watched the darkening sky from my bedroom window. My thoughts circled back to the one thing I hadn't quite been able to shake: Was I making a mistake by letting her back into my life like this? I couldn't help but think of the last time I let her in—how it nearly broke both of us. Could I handle that again? Could she? The idea of hurting Lou ate at me, but the thought of being without her felt like a different kind of pain.

Any time I struggled with my feelings about Lou, my mind went back to the night on that beach, to the impossible future she had laid out for us—one filled with adventures, moments of laughter, and a kind of life I couldn't imagine for myself anymore. My reality was too complicated for fantasies that might never come to fruition. I still didn't think I can offer her that life, no matter how much she wanted it.

And yet… here she was, choosing to come back.

The door creaked open, pulling me from my thoughts. Nathan stepped in, his usual grin in place, though it faltered slightly as his eyes met mine.

"Hey, Mr. T. Need anything?" His tone was casual, but I could hear the edge of concern in it.

"I'm fine. Nothing new."

Nathan nodded, going through his usual motions as he adjusted the pillows and positioned me on my bed with practiced efficiency. There was a moment of silence before he glanced at me, his brow furrowing slightly.

"So... Lou's moving back in?" he asked, his tone light but probing.

I didn't respond right away, turning my gaze back to the window. "Yeah. She is."

Nathan sighed, a sound that was more thoughtful than exasperated. He leaned against the bed, crossing his arms as he looked down at me. "You sure about that? I mean, don't get me wrong—I'm glad Lou's here. I know how much she means to you. But... are you ready for it?"

I clenched my jaw, my hands resting uselessly at my sides. "What do you mean, 'ready for it?' Clark's coming back because she needs a place to stay."

Nathan's expression softened, but he didn't back down. "I know that. I just want to make sure it's not too much for either of you. Lou... she's all in, you can see that. But you've got to be honest with her, mate. This isn't easy—for you or her."

I knew he was right, of course. Nathan always had a way of cutting through the bullshit and getting to the heart of things. I didn't like it, but I couldn't ignore it either.

"I don't want her to lose herself in this again," I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper. "I've seen what happens when people tie themselves to someone like me. It's not fair. If I had known about her plan…" What would I have done? Would I have ended it before things went too far? I wanted to think I would have been noble enough to do that.

Nathan uncrossed his arms, his gaze steady. "Will, I know this is Lou's decision, but I'm not sure she knows what she's getting into. She's stronger than we give her credit for, but I saw her after Mauritius. You broke her heart, mate."

I let out a slow breath, my chest tight. "I know…" And I hated myself for it. "Last time, I stayed alive because I made a promise to my mother."

"And this time?"

"This time, I told Clark I'd give this life a try. But I don't know if I'm up to it. I don't think she understands who I used to be."

Nathan was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke, his voice was softer. "I've gotten to know Lou these past months. I don't think she cares about that. But I get that you do. You've been through hell and back. But the fact that you're still here, still pushing through, that says a lot about the man you are now. Don't sell yourself short, mate."

I turned my head slightly, meeting his gaze. "And what if this doesn't work? What if… I let her down?"

Nathan gave me a small, reassuring smile. "You won't let her down. Not if you're honest with her. That's all she wants—honesty. Maybe this time around, things can be different if you're both upfront with each other."

I nodded slightly, though I wasn't sure if I believed him. I didn't know if I could be what Lou needed or if I was holding onto her out of selfishness. But Nathan was right about one thing—I had to be honest with her. About everything.

Before Nathan could leave, I cleared my throat. "There's something else. About Lou... and her job."

He raised an eyebrow. "What about it?"

"She's not working for the Traynors anymore. Not officially, at least." I paused, the words feeling heavy in my mouth. "But she's been here almost every day. I don't know how long that can last."

Nathan nodded, understanding flashing in his eyes. "You thinking of talking to her about it? Maybe make it official again?"

I lifted my brows like a shrug, unsure. "I don't know. It feels... complicated. I don't want her to feel stuck here because of me. I had this plan for her…" my lips quirked into an involuntary smile. "I thought after I… after Switzerland, she'd go off and see the world starting with Paris. I still want her to experience those things."

Nathan tilted his head, considering my words. "Maybe it's time you asked her what she wants instead of assuming."

I didn't respond, but his words stayed with me long after he left the room.

The room grew darker as the evening stretched on, the faint hum of the night seeping in through the window. I'd been listening to the distant rustle of leaves outside and the occasional car rolling by, but mostly, I was waiting. Waiting for her.

The door creaked open, breaking through the silence, and there she was.

"Will." Her voice was soft and tentative, and for a moment, neither of us said anything. She stood there in the doorway, her bag hanging off her shoulder, the dim light from the hallway casting long shadows across her face. She looked tired and worn down in a way that made my skin prickle.

"Hey," I said quietly, my voice barely audible.

Lou hesitated for a second before stepping fully into the room and closing the door behind her. She set her bag down by the wall, her movements careful, almost hesitant, like she wasn't sure what to expect. Maybe she was just as unsure about this as I was.

"I really hope it's okay that I came tonight." She brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, eyes scanning the room as if searching for something to say. "I, uh, didn't want to wait until tomorrow."

"It's fine," I replied, though my mind was anything but settled. I watched her as she moved toward me, her presence filling the room in that way only Lou could. She was so full of life, so determined to fight for this—for us. And yet, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she'd end up hurt again.

She stopped beside my bed, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her jumper. There was a tension between us, one that had never really left since that day at the airport, and I could feel it tightening now like a thread pulled too taut.

"I know you said I can stay for as long as I want, but I know things have been…" Her voice sounded quieter, vulnerable in a way I hadn't heard in a long time. "different."

I clenched my jaw, my hands resting uselessly on the blanket. "I want you here, Clark." I let out a slow breath. "But I need to be honest with you. About… all of this."

Her eyes softened, but she didn't say anything; she just waited, letting me find the words.

"I don't want you to lose yourself in this," I continued my voice steady but laced with the weight of everything I'd been holding back. "I've seen it happen before, and I—" I hesitated, unsure how to phrase it without pushing her away completely. "I don't want you to feel stuck with me. Or that I need you to save me."

Louisa shook her head almost immediately, her eyes wide and determined as she reached for me. I sensed the faint pressure of her hand and wished with every cell in my body that I could feel her skin against mine. I closed my eyes briefly, imagining the softness of her fingers around mine.

"I'm not stuck, Will. I'm choosing to be here. You know that. As for saving you… I tried that before." She rolled her eyes. "Big fat lot of good that did." She shook her head. "I'm not here because I want to save you. I'm here because I can't picture my life without you in it."

"I know," I said quietly. "But I don't want you to choose me out of some sense of responsibility. You have your own life, Clark. You have things you should be doing and places you should be going. That's what I wanted from you from the moment you blew in here with your strange taste in footwear and crazy dresses. You should be out in the world. Not stuck in a remodeled horse shed with me."

Lou bit her lip. She plucked at my comforter with her free hand, and for a moment, the silence between us grew heavier. Then, she stepped closer, her eyes searching mine. "Will, I know what I'm choosing. And it's not out of some sense of obligation. It's because I—" She stopped herself, her breath catching, but then she pressed on, her voice stronger. "I want to be here. With you." She let go of my hand and touched my face.

I nuzzled my cheek into her palm. I could feel the warmth of her skin, the gentle pressure of her fingers grounding me in the present. For a moment, I closed my eyes, letting the sensation wash over me, wishing I could hold onto this feeling forever. She always had this way of looking at me—like she could see past everything, straight to the heart of who I was, even the parts I didn't want her to see.

"I don't want to be the thing that holds you back," I said, my voice low. "You deserve more than this."

She smiled softly, shaking her head. "You're not holding me back, Will Traynor. And you don't get to decide what I deserve. If anything, you're the reason I've come this far. I'm not letting go of that now."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to believe her, wanted to believe that she could still see something worth staying for. But a part of me still couldn't shake the doubt.

I cleared my throat, my hands curling into fists on my lap. "There's something else," I said, the words heavy in my mouth. "I wrote you a letter. I suspect you've gotten it by now."

Lou's eyes flickered with surprise, and she glanced at her bag. For a moment, neither of us spoke.

"I wasn't going to ask you about it," she said softly, her voice cautious. "I haven't read it yet. I figured... well, I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would."

I nodded slowly, my gaze dropping. "I wrote it before... before everything. It was supposed to be my goodbye. I never imagined that you and I would be talking about it."

Lou's breath hitched, and I could see the emotion flickering in her eyes, but she didn't interrupt. She just waited.

"I don't know if it means anything now," I continued, my voice quieter. "But I want you to know... I meant everything I said. Even if things didn't turn out the way I planned."

Her hand reached for mine, her fingers gently wrapping around my wrist. I couldn't feel it, but it grounded me in the moment. "You don't have to explain, Will. I know what that letter was supposed to be. But we're here now. And I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. And that's what I don't want. I want you to read that letter, Clark. I want you to experience everything. I want you to live boldly. You're so much bigger than this place. But like you said, I have a choice; You have one, too."

"I'll read the letter, Will. And I'll make you a promise. No matter what, I'll live that life you want for me. Because I want that, too. You don't know how much it means to me that you're still here. I don't want to leave your side. But when the time comes, I'll do the things we talked about."

The weight of her words settled over me, and for the first time in a long time, I felt something shift inside me—something that wasn't guilt or fear or doubt. It was something softer, something like hope.

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

Lou squeezed my hand, her smile soft but unwavering.