Standing in the barn, Alex knew that they had crossed a line. He had his hands behind his head and was looking to the ceiling as he took deep breaths. He knew that getting involved with Butcher meant crossing some kind of line, but this felt too much and he didn't know if he could do it. Butcher had told him that it was what they had to do if they wanted Victoria back. Everything Alex was doing was to save her and Evelyn. But he knew that she wouldn't be proud of what they'd done. Then again, he knew that there wasn't good and bad. There were morally grey areas and he was currently in one of those.
"Victoria wouldn't want this," Alex said as he stood with Butcher to one side of the barn. "This is too much, Butcher, and you know that. You know it's too much."
"I know," Butcher agreed and Alex had to admit that he didn't think it would be this easy to persuade him. He knew that Butcher had something akin to a blood lust for revenge. He was determined to get it and there were times when he thought that he would stop at nothing. "I know it's too much…fucking genocide…"
"If we get him to develop the virus and it creates something like that then it'd kill every supe…Annie…Kimiko…fuck…Ryan and Evie. She would never want us to do that. She would never want us to risk anyone."
"Then what do we do?" Butcher questioned. "Because we're running out of options. We're running out of time too."
"I know that," Alex said. "And I know that things are complex. I know that everything going on is complicated…we have Homelander clearly trying to start a coup. We haven't checked in with the team in a long time and they deserve to know about this. We can't keep this from them. I mean, shit, Sameer probably needs a hospital."
"Sameer is fine," Butcher said with a nonchalant wave of his hand and the man in the corner remained mute. Butcher had chopped his leg off and he had made it look like he had died. "But we need to keep him here. We need to see if there is any other way we can do this…use the virus on Homelander and the VP and no one else."
"Fine, but who can help?"
"Frenchie," Butcher said. "Listen, you get back to the van and check we have everything packed up. We need to get moving…Sameer can stay here."
Alex nodded and left Billy alone for a few moments. Sameer glanced up to him pleadingly, but Alex ignored him. If he had any compassion then he would probably let hm go. He'd take him home and get him medical attention, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't do it because that would mean that Victoria would be lost to him and he wasn't prepared to let that happen.
Moving to the van, he checked that they'd tidied everything away including the saw Butcher had used to chop Sameer's leg off with. Alex sat on the back step and tugged his phone out, looking down at the screensaver he had of him with Victoria, the two of them on the beach and smiling widely. He was holding the phone to take the photo and she was looking up at him, smiling widely, hair blowing in the wind and eyes glimmering. They'd been happy. They'd been so happy and he knew that he'd taken it for granted. He'd thought that it would last forever, but it hadn't. And they couldn't have it back until Homelander was gone.
Alex left the van and went to find Billy, knowing that they should go sooner rather than later. Coming back to the barn, Alex froze as he saw Billy talking animatedly. He was snapping loudly, but he wasn't talking to Sameer. He was talking to no one. Alex's brow furrowed as he watched him cough into his fist and he knew that something was wrong. He was seeing things, clearly. His coughing was getting worse. He looked haggard.
"Who're you talking to?" Alex dared to ask, stepping forwards.
"He's been doing that for a while," Sameer said. "He's been talking to people who aren't there. He's ill."
"You…you can't see him?"
"Of course he can't see me," the man said to Billy. "Because we both know that I'm part of you. You conjured me up. You need me. You want me here."
"There's no one here but me, you and Sameer," Alex said, flapping his arms by his side. "Butcher, what's going on? You're sick. You know you are."
"No…I don't need you here," Butcher said, turning to the side and looking at the bearded man with the gruff voice who he had once thought was his friend. "I can do this myself."
"Butcher, come on," Alex urged from him. "I need you to pull yourself together, alright? I know you're sick, but we need to get you to a hospital or something. We know you're getting worse. Come on. Please."
"I don't need to go to no hospital," Butcher said forcefully.
"Not my diagnosis," the voice chirped up again.
And Alex knew who he had to call. He knew that there was probably one person who was going to get through to him.
…
Victoria was exhausted after the events of the previous night. She had hardly slept as she thought of it all. A-Train was the mole. Cameron Coleman was innocent and a part of Victoria suspected that he hadn't taken an 'extended holiday' like Vought were telling people. She knew her husband. Deep down, she knew that he wouldn't let a spy get away alive. But if A-Train was the mole then that meant he was in continuous danger. Victoria knew she had to talk to him at some point, but she didn't know when.
She also knew that the meeting at Tek-Knight's house hadn't been as innocent as Homelander had made out. A-Train had to have been the one to tell Starlight that the meeting was happening, but what was going on? What was Homelander planning? She kept trying to get to the bottom of it and she couldn't because he wasn't going to tell her. He wasn't going to tell her because he knew it would ruin what they had and he wasn't going to do that.
"Evie is at nursery and Ryan is out with some other kids…I think they've gone to the bowling alley," Victoria said to her husband when she saw him enter the kitchen. She held a mug of tea in her hands and had the morning's newspaper open in front of her. Homelander's cape was swaying behind him and he went to the fridge and pulled out the carton of milk. Victoria could see that he was still in a mood. He'd clearly had time to dwell on what had happened the previous night and was brooding. "I thought that we could maybe take them out later…I think it's the Christmas light switch on."
"I've got things I need to do," Homelander said and took a swig of milk, glancing to his wife as she then sipped on her tea. "I need to plug this leak and clearly Sage isn't any fucking help."
"Why not?" Victoria wondered.
"Well, she got brain damage last night. Someone shot her in the head…I'd imagine it was one of Butcher's gang," Homelander said and he looked at her again for her reaction, but she remained passive. She thought that she'd managed to dodge his suspicion from the previous night. She'd played it so well. He'd even taken her for fast food, which he only did whenever he wanted to make her happy.
"Wait," Victoria held a hand up, "so how is she still alive?"
"Because her brain just turns to mush and takes time to regenerate," Homelander said. "But I don't know if she's as useful as she claims to be. She can't find the leak. She clearly has no idea who it was considering that Starlight was there last night."
"So…she doesn't know?"
"Clearly not," Homelander said, tone snappier than it needed to be. "But it's someone in Vought's inner circle."
"The thing that I don't get," Victoria said, knowing that she was going to try and push her luck, but a part of her didn't care. "You said that last night was just an event to try and persuade people that Singer's legislation shouldn't be adopted…that people should vote against it. Why would Annie be sneaking around…claiming that something more is going on if that's all it was?"
"Because she has an overactive imagination?" Homelander suggested.
"Well, it's not as if that information isn't public knowledge, is it? I mean, you've gone on national television and said that the legislation shouldn't be passed," Victoria said and she flipped over a page in the newspaper. "I mean, it's written here that it's dead and buried…so I don't get why Annie would feel the need to infiltrate the event last night just to find out information that a simple Vought search would bring up."
Homelander continued to observe his wife, his eyes narrowing and his face contorting. He put the milk away without taking his eyes from her. Victoria folded her hands on top of the newspaper and she didn't back down underneath his watchful gaze.
"What're you getting at?" Homelander asked from his wife.
She shrugged. "Nothing, I guess," she replied. "You said that you're not keeping things from me, right?"
"You think I am?" Homelander replied.
"You said that I could trust you…that it's just us…so if you're telling me the truth then I believe you," Victoria said and Homelander moved towards the other side of the breakfast bar. He bent over slightly so that he could fold his arms on the surface. Victoria remained still as his lips curved upwards.
"Then you believe me," Homelander declared and he knew then that she didn't. She was growing suspicious and he should have seen this coming. He had seen it coming. He just hoped that he could buy himself some more time. Did he truly think that he'd be able to keep this from her forever. "Just like I believe that you're not in contact with Starlight."
Victoria's eyes widened at that. Shaking her head, she picked her phone up from where she'd place it to the side of her. She slid it across the marble surface and towards him. "Check my phone if you want," she urged from him. "I have had nothing to do with Starlight…Alex…none of them. I have contact with my brother and you know that because I tell you. I tell you because I don't keep things from you and I thought that was what was going on here…we were being honest."
Homelander watched as she flipped the page of the newspaper and his teeth ground together. He wasn't going to look on her phone. He knew that he couldn't do that because it would show her that he didn't trust her. And he did. Deep down, he knew she couldn't be the mole. He knew she was loyal to him. He was just lashing out and taking his frustrations out on his wife.
"Look at me," Homelander urged from her, but she didn't look up from the newspaper, despite the fact that she wasn't reading the column underneath her gaze. Homelander exhaled a sharp breath and he reached for her chin, lifting her face up. "I trust you, okay?" he said to her, voice firm and his thumb roamed over her chin gently. "You're the only one I truly trust. I just need you to trust me, okay? Trust that everything I'm doing is for us and to give our family the best life possible."
"I know that," Victoria said to him. "But you…you can tell me things…you can tell me, John."
"I know, sweetheart," Homelander said. "And I don't like arguing with you, alright?"
"I didn't know we were arguing," Victoria said and he chuckled, hand moving up her neck and to her cheek.
"I guess this is nothing compared to arguments we've had before," Homelander relented on that point. "I just…I don't think you know what I'd do without you, Victoria. I don't think you understand how much I need you. You are everything to me."
"It's us, remember?" Victoria said to him. "It's always us."
He leant further over the counter until his lips met hers and Victoria kissed him, hoping that this was the end of it and that he was going to stop suspecting her. But she wasn't going to stop suspecting him. She couldn't.
…
Victoria looked down as her phone buzzed on the coffee table. It was her brother calling her. Homelander had gone upstairs to change into another supe suit considering he'd noticed a stain on his original one. Victoria picked the phone up and answered the call, stepping on the balcony.
"Billy," Victoria greeted her brother.
"Not Billy."
Victoria's heart skipped a beat and her stomach lurched. "Alex," she whispered his name and she clung onto the railing in front of her, gripping it tightly and longing to actually speak to him in person. But then she thought about why he'd be calling from her brother's phone. "Is something wrong with Billy?"
"I…I think he needs you, Vic," Alex said to her. "And I know that calling you and speaking to you puts you in danger, but your brother isn't well. The virus is getting to him. He's…he's seeing things. I think you need to talk to him, okay? I'm worried about him."
"Okay," Victoria said quickly. "Where is he?"
"I dropped him off at his apartment…stole his phone to call you but I'll leave it in the letterbox for him."
"I'll go now," Victoria said. "And Alex…I…you know, right? You know?" she didn't know if she had the words to say what she wanted to say to him. She wasn't sure if she could find them. She wanted to tell him that she missed him. She wanted to tell him that she loved him and always would, no matter what happened with Homelander. She just needed him to know all of that, but she couldn't say it.
"I know, baby," Alex replied. "I know."
And that was enough. Victoria hung up the call and went back into the penthouse to see Homelander moving down the staircase and back to the living room.
"John, I have to go," Victoria said, moving to the hall and tugging her feet into her sneakers. She grabbed her red winter woollen winter coat and tugged it onto her frame as she explained to him. "Billy isn't well. Apparently he's coughing up more blood and he's talking to people who aren't there. I need to go and see him."
"Running off to see your brother the day after we have a leak?" Homelander asked.
Victoria rolled her eyes and she stepped towards him as she buttoned her coat up to her chest. "My brother is fucking dying and you know that," she snapped at him, voice terse and angry. She stood toe to toe with him and he looked down to her. "Billy is dying and he needs me. He needs me and what? Even if I was a mole…what would I tell him?"
"I don't know."
"Nothing!" Victoria yelled at him. "I'd tell him nothing because I don't know anything and you know I don't. You know he's my brother, John…and you've seen that he's dying…can't you just have some compassion? Can't you just…I don't know…be there for me?"
"I am there for you."
"Then actually be my husband," Victoria snapped at him. "Be my husband and be there for me. Don't interrogate me when I tell you my brother is sick. Don't think the worst of me…just…I know you hate him. I know you two will never stop trying to kill each other, but he is still my brother. He is still my brother and I still love him. I just need you to accept that. I don't need you to like it."
Homelander said nothing further and Victoria tucked her phone into her pocket and picked her scarf up from where she'd left it on the end of the sofa. "And if you have to fake caring…if you have to fake caring about me when I cry over him…can you just do that? Because you're my fucking husband. You're my fucking husband and you're supposed to be there for me."
She stormed out then, not saying anything further. She wasn't going to justify standing there and waiting for a response. Homelander watched her go and he knew that he should chase after her and tell her that he was sorry and he would be there for her. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that because he wasn't entirely sure if he meant it. He wasn't sure if he could do that for her because he despised Butcher. He despised everything he stood for and how he was trying to stop him from being Ryan's dad.
And so he stayed where he was. He stayed in the apartment and just moved over to the window and just stared out of it, hands behind his back as he tried to think of ways to keep Victoria happy, but he wasn't sure if any of that was possible. Hearing the door to the penthouse open, he thought that she'd come back for a second to apologise for snapping, but it wasn't her. He also knew that she would never come back and apologise. When his wife was being stubborn, she rarely backed down.
"Where were you last night?" Homelander questioned, knowing it was Firecracker without even turning around.
"You know that Starlight got into the party, don't you?" she replied to him and he knew she was on edge. Homelander turned around and faced her. "I imagine your wife told you that she cornered us? The bitch got away after knocking me out cold."
"Victoria told me," Homelander confirmed with a nod of his head.
"Did she also tell you that she went with her willingly?" Firecracker asked and Homelander let out a deep breath. "I wanted to shout for help, but your wife was adamant that I keep quiet…the two of them were quite cosy together."
"They have a history," Homelander simply declared.
"But she still went with her. Whatever history they had should've died when Starlight went rogue and deep down you know that," Firecracker told him. "Your wife was trying to protect Starlight. She was trying to look out for her. How did Starlight know where Victoria would be? She found her in that living room, almost like she had been looking for her. And Tek-Knight is dead."
Homelander shook his head once. "Victoria doesn't know anything about what happened to Cameron Coleman or what we have planned," he settled on saying.
"Perhaps she doesn't know the details, but she knows that something is going on," Firecracker said to him and Homelander knew that much was true. She had her suspicions, of course she did. His wife was nothing but suspicious. "And I know that you love her. I know that you're married and have a child together, but I don't want you to be blinded by her."
"I am not blinded by her," Homelander said, voice lower than usual as he kept on staring at her intently.
"Perhaps you don't think you are, but you have to see how suspicious she is," Firecracker said. "She made a fool out of you at the party last night. She spoke to people with such disdain and embarrassed herself in front of them…ergo embarrassing you. Now, I know you don't want to hear that, and I understand it, but the fact is that she's always sided with Starlight in the past. Her track record doesn't do her any favours."
And Homelander knew that she had a point there. How many times had she betrayed him? How many times had she told him that she found what he'd done repulsive? But things were different now. Things had been better and he wanted to believe that they were better.
"She humiliates you and tries to manipulate you any chance she gets," Firecracker said. "And I know that me standing here and saying this makes me look jealous and bitter. I do understand that. Things in the past haven't been great between us, but I just want to look out for you. It is all I want to do. When you found me my podcast had a couple of hundred fans," she said with a resigned chuckle, "and folks laughed at me. Now, I'm the anchor at VNN with millions of followers and they ain't laughing no more."
"I really don't care-"
"-Please, let me finish," she pleaded with him. "Now, I have spent my whole life on the outside looking in and it was you who threw that door open for me, sir. You brought me in. You have given me everything. You are everything to me," she said to him and he blinked rapidly, struggling to understand what was going on in his mind. She reached for the zip at the front of her suit and Homelander shook his head quickly.
"What are you doing?" he demanded from her. "I am not sexually attracted to you."
"This ain't about sex," she assured him. "I know that I can never compete with her for your love. This is about loyalty and I want you to see just how loyal I am," she said and he watched as she bared her breast to him and he looked over her shoulder. Her hand moved to her right breast and cupped it in her palm. "I'd do anything for you and I know she's not giving you this…what you want…"
"I forgot my MetroCard. I'm not here to fight."
Victoria's voice entered the apartment and Homelander looked over to her as she came into the living room and headed in the direction of the coffee table where her purse was sat. She stumbled slightly at the scene in front of her and Homelander shook his head quickly as Firecracker remained stood on the spot. Victoria drank it in, eyes widening and stomach churning.
"Vicky, this isn't what it looks like." Homelander said to her.
"I…" Victoria stammered as she watched Firecracker tuck her breasts back into her costume, but not before Victoria noticed the white on her fingers that she wiped on her hip. "What the fuck?" Victoria whispered and Homelander moved towards her, but she held her hand up and stopped him from coming any closer as she backed away. "No," she warned him.
"I would never cheat on you," he said to her.
"You know what?" Victoria looked to him. "I'm not interested. I'm not interested anymore. Do what you like."
"Vicky," Homelander groaned her name as she grabbed her purse.
"No," she snapped at him, pointing in his direction. "I'm done now. I have other stuff going on."
Homelander watched her leave again and he felt an anger inside of him bubble over. Firecracker still stood on the spot, hand holding the top of the zip. He didn't even look at her.
"Get the fuck out," he demanded from her.
"Sir, I…"
"I said get the fuck out!" he snarled at her, the anger on his face apparent. She scurried off without another word and he grabbed hold of the nearest ornament he could find and flung it against the wall, his anger overtaking him. Everything was beginning to crumble around him and he didn't know what he could do to control it.
…
Billy opened the door to find Victoria stood there, scarf wrapped tightly around her neck and gloves on her fingers. She stepped by him and into the apartment. "Come in then," Billy said to his sister and she pulled her purse and phone from her pockets. She left them on his sideboard and started unbuttoning her coat.
"Why did you not tell me things were getting worse?" Victoria questioned him.
"Because they're not."
"So you're not talking to yourself?" Victoria queried, laying her scarf and coat on the edge of his sofa. She folded her arms over her chest and looked at him with a cocked head and arched brow. Billy flapped his arms by his side.
"Fuck me, you look like every school teacher I ever had," he said to her. "I bet those kids shit themselves when they leave their room messy, don't they?"
"Funnily enough, my kids are better behaved than you are," Victoria said to him. "So why did you not tell me?"
"Because I'm fine," Billy said. "I take it Alex was the one who called you."
"With your phone," she said, going into the pocket of her coat and tugging it out. "And you should really lock your letterbox. Anyone could get into that."
"They'd just find my BuxomBabes subscription," Billy said and Victoria rolled her eyes.
"You're disgusting," she said to him and sat down on his sofa. "So? What's happening? And don't try and fob me off because I know you. I know you better than you think and I'm not going to buy your bullshit."
Billy exhaled a sharp breath and he moved to the kitchen. She watched him grab a bottle of scotch from the worktop and two mugs considering he hadn't washed his glasses in days. He went to sit down next to her on the sofa and poured each of them a shot. He knew that he had to tell her because she wouldn't let it go if he didn't.
"I thought he was real, but it turns out he's not," Billy said and Victoria took the mug from him and waited for him to elaborate before he told her anymore. "I knew that Becca wasn't real. I knew that I was hallucinating her, but it felt so real and so I didn't care. I'd do anything to see her again and so I took it…but then he saw her too…and I didn't know how. I thought he was here."
"Who?"
"Joe Kessler," Billy said. "I was with him when I was in the CIA. He was killed in combat."
"Okay," Victoria said, trying to understand.
"But I kept on seeing him and he's been there, telling me that I have to do everything possible to stop Homelander and sometimes those things…well…they've been too much, Vic, even by my fucking standards."
Victoria tried to understand what her brother was telling her. She nodded thoughtfully a couple of times and then took a sip of the scotch, trying to get to the bottom of it. "So," she began, preparing herself, "you're telling me that a side effect of the Temp-V is that you have hallucinations? You're seeing people? And one of these is a guy who used to work with you and is telling you to do things even you're not comfortable with?"
"I guess a part of me must be comfortable with them if he's suggesting them. We both know I'm not perfect, Vic. I mean, fuck me, I was gonna drug Ryan to get him away from Homelander," Billy said and Victoria's eyes widened.
"Are you fucking crazy?" she demanded from her brother, nudging him in the arm with her fist. "If you did that then what did you think Homelander would do?"
"But I didn't do it, did I?" Billy said. "The kid has got to make his own mind up and I know that, alright? I know that I can't do things a certain way…that's why I didn't go through with the deal with Neuman."
"There was a deal with Neuman?"
"She was going to get you all out if I gave her the files on Red River," Billy said. "If I sold the team out."
"Jesus Christ, Billy," Victoria muttered.
"But I didn't do it, did I?" Billy defended himself. "I'm learning, aren't I? I'm not as big a cunt as you guys seem to think I am."
Victoria downed the scotch in the chipped mug and reached for the bottle, pouring more into it. "I just…this is all insane, Billy," Victoria said to her brother. "You shouldn't even be working because you're clearly ill and you know you are. Seeing people…coughing up blood…I just…I just wish there was something that we could do. I just wish-"
"-Wishing is for kids who grew up on Disney and in loving homes. We don't get wishes," Billy interrupted his sister. "We just do. We do what we have to do and that is exactly what I am doing, alright? I am doing what I need to do to get that cunt before I depart this lovely, green Earth."
"Don't make light of it," Victoria demanded from her brother, looking down to her lap.
"It's either that or I tell you how scared I actually am," he replied and she looked him in the eye and she saw that he was being honest with her. He was scared. Victoria moved a hand to his, gripping his fingers inside of hers. He squeezed her hand, but he didn't pull back from her. He just held onto her. "Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on that, alright? I've got too much fucking work to do."
"Just don't keep things from me when it comes to your health, okay?" Victoria demanded from him.
"I don't want you to worry," Billy said.
"Funnily enough, I'm going to worry either way because you're my brother," Victoria said.
"Well, I don't want you to get in trouble with that cunt," Billy said.
Victoria exhaled a sharp and shaky breath, looking down to her lap and Billy moved his hand from hers, but reached for her chin. He forced her to look at him and then he spotted it on her forehead just underneath her hair line. Reaching his fingers up, he swept her hair to the side and she winced. "Ow," she moaned.
"Did he do this to you?" Billy demanded.
"No," Victoria said and he gave her a sceptical look. "Honestly, he didn't do that to me. Annie did it to me."
"Starlight?"
"She said that you'd been MIA so let me fill you in," Victoria said, reaching for his wrist and tugging his hand from her forehead. "There was some kind of gathering of America's elite at Tek-Knight's mansion last night. I kind of snarked some of them and John told me to wait for him in another room. Annie came in and she said that they'd heard there was some kind of secret meeting…of course I don't know about that because he's not telling me anything. A part of me wonders if he let me leave early to keep me away…but either way…she was there and I had her knock me out so that he wouldn't suspect me of working with her."
"And does he?"
"I don't think so," Victoria said. "But I know the mole is A-Train. I saw him carrying M.M. out of the party."
"Panic attack," Billy said to her. "He's going to be fine."
"Okay, good," Victoria replied and sipped the scotch.
"But you know about A-Train?"
"I do. He doesn't," Victoria said. "But I imagine it's only a matter of time before he finds out. He knows there's a mole and he knows it wasn't Cameron Coleman. He suspected me for a while, but he knows that I know nothing. I don't know what he's plotting and so I'd be a pointless mole. Either way…he's doing something, isn't he? He's not just fighting the anti-supe legislation?"
"Is that what he's told you?"
"He just tells me he's fighting to make the world a safer place for us," Victoria said. "But I don't actually know what that entails."
"You don't need to know," Billy said. "Keeping secrets from him is too dangerous, alright? I know you hate being kept in the dark and I get that. I'd fucking hate it too, but it's for your own good, Vic. You need to be kept in the dark for your own safety."
"I…I think he knows that I suspect something," Victoria confessed. "But he's never going to tell me and I can't keep asking him because that will just piss him off and he thinks things are good between us and I know that I can't risk that when I've got Ryan and Evie to think about. Then again…Christ only knows what I'm going to go back home to."
"What happened?"
"I don't know if I'm drunk enough to tell you," Victoria admitted to her brother and he reached for the scotch and filled her mug up even more, making her laugh. Billy's own lips tugged upwards and he adjusted the collar of the black palm tree covered shirt he wore over his dark jeans. He leant back against the sofa, slumping down into the cushions and Victoria copied him.
"You had a fight?"
"Something like that," Victoria said. "I told him that I was coming to see you and he instantly thought I was coming here because I was the leak, despite the fact I'd assured him thirty-minutes earlier that I wasn't…anyway…things escalated and I just yelled at him."
"He probably deserved it," Billy said and slurped his scotch.
"Probably," Victoria said. "I know that he hates you and I do get that. I understand it, but he doesn't seem to understand that you're my brother and I love you…and he…he goes on about caring for me and looking after me…but he…anytime you're brought up he can't do that and it's like he doesn't get it. He won't get it. So I said some things that probably pissed him off."
"Are you going to be safe going home to him?"
"I don't have any choice," Victoria shrugged. "Either way, he doesn't scare me. He craves what I give him."
"And what's that?"
"Love," she said the word as if it was so simple. "And he might have scared me at one time, but now he doesn't because I know him. I know every single part of him and I'm the only one who does. He isn't going to get rid of me so long as I actually stand by him and stay by his side. I can yell at him and fight with him, but we're no strangers to that."
"And he hasn't laid a finger on you, has he?"
"He won't physically hurt me," Victoria said. "He…the idea of going back to him…fuck me…"
"And what did you need to be drunk enough to tell me?" Billy wondered.
Victoria let out a low groan and shook her head. She buried her face into her hand as she felt her cheeks turn red and she pushed her sneakers from her feet and tugged her knees up to her chest, like she could curl in on herself. She peeked at her brother from between her fingers. "Promise me you won't judge, alright? Or tell anyone else. I swear if this actually got out then he might kill me."
"What is it?"
"You know Firecracker?"
"Nutjob gingernut?" Billy checked.
Victoria laughed. "That's the one," she said. "Well, ever since she joined she's been going after Homelander. To begin with, I found it almost amusing. She fawns all over him and it's always 'yes, sir, no, sir,' with her. Anyway, it's gotten tiresome and she clearly despises me. She claims that I don't deserve him."
"Other fucking way round," Billy muttered.
"Agreed," Victoria said, "either way, she's transparent. She wants him and she wants me out of the way. I went to the meeting room the other day and found her trying to seduce him and he was just stood there…and then today…after I yelled at him I went back up to the penthouse and she was there…tits out and everything."
"Fuck me? You serious?" Billy wondered. "What was he doing?"
"That's the thing," Victoria said, "he was just stood there like a lemon. He didn't tell her to get out. He didn't tell her to leave. He was just stood there and she…oh God…I don't know if I can say it…I mean…he…he'll kill me…I know he'll kill me if he ever found out."
"Listen to me," Billy urged his sister. "I went to Herogasm. I saw M.M. get covered in cum…a six-foot penis…I saw a threesome…nothing will shock me and it's not like I'm going to say anything to get you in trouble with him."
"So…Firecracker…she put her tits away as soon as I turned up, but she…I am pretty sure she was…you know…lactating," Victoria said and Billy's brows arched as he listened to her. "And I don't know what was going on there or what she hoped to achieve, but it was so fucking weird."
Billy downed the rest of his scotch and then just reached for the bottle, substituting that for his mug. "Fuck," he drawled.
"I know," Victoria said. "I mean, I kind of see what she's trying to do."
"Breastfeed your husband?" Billy wondered and Victoria groaned loudly, burying her face against her knees and shaking her head as Billy let himself laugh once and then he shook his head, coughing and trying to cover up his laughs. "Is that the kind of thing he goes in for?"
"No…I mean…I don't know," Victoria stammered. "I don't really want to discuss my sex life with you. You're my brother. That's just gross. Either way, it was so fucking weird," she said and she turned her cheek to the side so that it rested on her kneecaps. "And we're going to have to talk about it. I know we'll have to…but she…I mean…she's not pregnant so that means she's clearly taking something to make that happen and she thinks it's what he wants."
"He really is a fucking man child, isn't he? What? He's got mummy issues?"
"I mean, to an extent, I'd guess so," Victoria said. "Growing up without parents would do that to you…I mean…my therapist used to tell me I had daddy issues. She never said it like that, but you know…low self-esteem…jealousy…fear of abandonment."
"Yeah, but you're not weird about it, are you?" Billy said and Victoria shook her head. Again, she wasn't going to tell her brother about her sex life. "I mean, fuck me, Vic, I have no idea how you're going to handle him."
"I…I'm beginning to think that maybe I can't," Victoria confessed to her brother. "I thought that maybe he'd confide in me. He's been so keen to tell me that no one else matters except us, but he won't tell me anything and I…I don't know how to get it out of him."
"You don't," Billy warned her. "You stay safe. You stay safe until we get you out."
"I'll try…I'll try," was all Victoria could say and William wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she leant against his side, enjoying the comfort from her brother just for those few moments.
…
"I can smell the alcohol on you."
Victoria had gone back to the penthouse two hours later and had gone upstairs to the bedroom to tidy away the laundry she'd left sat in the hallway on the sideboard. She'd been in the walk-in closet, hanging up her shirts, when he'd come in. He folded his arms over his chest and leant against the frame.
"I see you smashed the ornament that Ashley bought us for our wedding," Victoria just replied. "It cost a fortune, by the way. She made sure she told me that when I opened it."
"I imagine it's worth less now it's smashed into pieces," Homelander replied.
"I would guess so," Victoria said.
Homelander rolled his eyes at her attitude. "And your brother can't be that ill if you're day drinking with him," he said to her and Victoria moved one shirt from the hanger and hung it up over another considering she hardly wore it and it was taking up a hanger she needed.
"William doesn't take medical advice very well," Victoria retorted. "Either way, I need to go down and pick Evie up."
"So, we're not going to talk about it? I thought you were all about words?"
"You want to talk about it?" Victoria wondered from him. "I mean, I'd hate to drag you away from staring at Firecracker's breasts. How were they, by the way? Did she do a good job at playing mommy?"
Homelander ground his teeth together at hearing her as she turned towards him and he saw that she was annoyed. There was a red flush to her cheeks and her pulse was racing. She shrugged her shoulders as she continued moving towards him, not bothered about the fact he was angry too. She knew she shouldn't push him, but alcohol was coursing through her.
"Is that what you want from her? Is that why you keep her around?" Victoria asked from him. "I mean, everyone has their own kink, and clearly she'd do anything for you. I don't know if I've ever seen desperation like it before."
"Enough."
"Enough?" Victoria echoed. "I'd just come to you in tears, worried about my brother and then you couldn't wait five minutes before you brought her in to get your mouth wrapped around her-"
"-I said enough!" he yelled, fist slamming against the wood of the frame and denting it, woodchips falling to the ground and he towered over Victoria then. "I didn't fucking do anything with her and I never would. She knows that and so do you. You fucking know I would never lay a finger on her because I'm yours. I'm your fucking husband."
"Then act like it!" Victoria yelled back at him, hitting against his chest. "Act like my fucking husband and do the right thing for once in your life!"
"I don't know what you want from me!" he hissed, arms flapping out by his side. "I have told you a million fucking times that I don't want her despite the fact that she is clearly loyal to me and would do anything I want."
"And I wouldn't?" Victoria snapped back. "Jesus Christ, I stand by you through everything. What do you want from me? You want me to be your loyal little lapdog? You want me not to challenge you on anything? Well, I never have and I never will and you fucking know it. So if you want someone who is going to do that then have her." She shoved him in the chest again and then pointed to the door. "Go and fucking have her if you want someone who is going to worship you like a God because you know that's not who I am. I am your wife. I am the woman you married for better or worse, remember?"
"I know that, for fuck's sake, Victoria!" Homelander yelled back at her, spit flying from the corners of his mouth. "I know who you are and I know you're a fucking pain in my ass for the most part, but I love you. It's you I love. It's you I want. And you know that. You know it."
"Then prove it!" Victoria snapped. "Fucking prove it, John."
"I prove it all of the time," Homelander replied. "You know how much I love you. You know I'm loyal to you. Why do you do this? Why do you insist on picking fights with me?"
"You don't get to turn this round on me," Victoria shook her head. "You know why I'm pissed off and don't even pretend that you don't. I'm pissed off because I just need you to trust me and not accuse me of betraying you at every turn. I'm pissed off because I told you my brother was sick and you couldn't even be there for me. I'm pissed off because every time I see you with Firecracker she's trying to seduce you and all I get is the fucking same excuse as to why you keep her around even though I have no idea why because she hasn't exactly proven useful so far!"
"Can you blame me for suspecting you, Vicky? Look at our history. Look at where we've been," Homelander defended himself.
"That was the past and we both agreed that things have changed," Victoria said. "But clearly you don't trust me and so that's good to know. We're done here, John. We're done because nothing I say will ever change your mind."
"No," Homelander said and he blocked her from leaving the closet. "We are not done."
"What else is there to say?" Victoria demanded. "I've done everything to prove to you that I'm loyal to you and it will never be enough because you'll always be suspicious of me. That much is obvious. You expect so much of me, but I can't expect anything from you…even for you to respect me as your wife and get rid of Firecracker. So we are done. We're done with all of this because I am not enough for you and we both know it."
"Don't you dare fucking say that," Homelander said and he reached for her wrist, dragging her towards him and bending down, his lips pressing firmly against hers. Victoria pushed at his chest, but he didn't budge and so she grabbed his hair and tugged on it, giving her enough room to pull her face from his.
"That's your answer to everything," she snapped at him. "You think that you can kiss me and it all goes away, but it doesn't…because she'll still be here…you'll still question me whenever something happens…and we'll be back here. We'll be right back here and back on square one."
"She's gone."
Victoria frowned and folded her arms to put more distance between them. "I don't believe you."
"If you want her gone then she's gone," Homelander said to his wife. "If you want to visit your brother then visit him."
"And the catch?"
"The catch?" he asked from her. "There's no fucking catch, Victoria. It's called trying to keep you happy. It's called trying to be a good husband. It's called looking after you. It's because you still don't fucking get it that you are the only one for me. You are the only one I want and I'm not going to let anything fuck us up. Do you understand me? But I need you because I meant what I said. It's us. And I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to prove it to you as best as I can and as often as I can."
"I don't need you to do anything but just be my husband," Victoria said to him.
"And I will be," Homelander said. "I don't need anyone but you."
And then he bent down and kissed her again.
…
Laid on the floor of the walk-in closet, Victoria gathered her breath as he laid on top her, his cheek pressed by her chest. Her fingers threaded through his hair as his arm remained slung over her naked waist. She felt him move a leg in between hers and press his hips tighter against her side. He kissed her chest softly and Victoria looked to the ceiling above her, trying to ignore the ache in her thighs.
"So was it really…you know…" Victoria trailed off and Homelander peered up to her through his lashes. He arched a brow.
"I think I'm going to need more words than that," Homelander said to her.
"Firecracker," Victoria said, "she's not pregnant, is she?"
"No."
"And…I mean…why did she think that you'd-"
"-Vicky, sweetheart, I really don't want to get into this," Homelander urged from his wife. "I mean, she clearly thinks she knows something but she doesn't…it's not as if I wanted her."
"I just…I mean I know when we were in Chicago we experimented and it was weird but I-"
"-Vic, we really don't need to discuss this. Trust me. I am more than satisfied with you and our sex life. I don't need or want anything else," he promised her that and Victoria spoke once more, unable to stop herself.
"You don't think I'm too vanilla?" she questioned him.
"Too vanilla?" he replied.
"I mean, I always thought we had a good sex life, but am I boring? I've never really thought about it before and I don't want to think about it now really, but it's just a question."
"Come here," Homelander demanded from her and he moved to roll in between her legs, resting on his forearms above her. He bent down and kissed her on the lips once. "You are anything but boring, trust me," he said to her. "The things that mouth can do should be a sin," he said and she hit his chest as he chuckled. "And you have no reason to be threatened by anyone or anything."
Kissing her again, Homelander felt her hand brush against his chest and he pulled back after a final peck. "Did you say that you were going to the light switch on tonight?"
"I was going to take the kids, yeah."
"I'll come."
"I thought you were too busy trying to find the mole?"
"It can wait for the night," he said to her. "Let's find them and go."
…
Standing outside the Rockefeller, Victoria should've known that Vought would have their own box. She had to admit that she had been shocked when Homelander had said that he would come with them, but she'd gone along with it. They'd stood and looked at the Christmas tree that was due to be lit up at eight p.m. Victoria had wrapped Evelyn up in warm winter clothes and her winter coat and scarf. Homelander had carried their daughter in his arms through the crowds and she had clung onto him as he kept checking that she was alright. Victoria had held Ryan's hand as they moved to the private box that was slightly raised above the crowds with a prime view. There were some shareholders there, but Homelander didn't really acknowledge their existence.
"Daddy, when is Santa coming?" Evelyn asked her father.
"Well, he's not coming for another month," Homelander said to her. "And you know he only comes if you've been good, right?"
"I'm always good," Evelyn told him and he looked down to her, feeling the usual swell in his chest he always did whenever he looked at her.
"Of course you are, sweetie," Homelander said to her.
"When can we put our tree up?"
"Well, whenever mummy says we can," Homelander said and Victoria heard him and turned to her daughter.
"Very, very soon," she promised her and tickled her sides, "but you need to be a good girl until Christmas. Can you do that, huh?"
Evelyn giggled and nodded her head, soft black curls bouncing around her face and Homelander chuckled as he watched her.
"Dad, can I go ice skating?" Ryan piped up.
"Sure, buddy."
"I'll go with him. You okay here with Evie?" Victoria asked from her husband and he nodded his head. He moved to kiss her quickly.
"I'll be find here with this one," he assured his wife and she nodded, kissing Evie on the forehead before holding Ryan's hand and the two of them moved through the crowds together and towards the ice. Once they were there, they bypassed the queue and asked for skates.
Once on the ice, Victoria noted Ryan struggle to stand. "You ever ice skated before?" she asked from him.
"No," he said. "I thought it'd be easy."
"Come here," Victoria urged from him and she held her hands out and he took hold of her fingers. "Try to keep looking forward instead of looking down," she urged from him. "It helps you to stay balanced." He nodded and she saw his tongue poking out in concentration and she withheld a laugh. "Okay, good," Victoria said and she moved backwards. "So try and keep your knees bent and just make small movements. So one foot in front of the other and push off," she urged him and he took his first step, still clinging to her hands. "Awesome!" she said to him and she saw his face light up as he took another step. "There you go…nice and steady."
"Am I doing it?" Ryan asked her.
"You're doing it," she promised him and she let go of one of his hands and moved to skate next to him, slowing her pace and letting him get used to it. "You're a natural."
"It's fun," Ryan said. "When did you learn to ice skate?"
"When I first moved to New York," Victoria said. "I…I had these friends…and every Christmas we'd go ice skating. I didn't know how to do it to begin with, but I had this one friend, Michelle, she taught me."
"What happened to her?"
"She…she died," Victoria said to him. "She died a couple of years ago now."
"Was she young?"
"The same age as me," Victoria said. "She had a brain tumour and they couldn't find a cure for her. She was so funny and kind…she was loud as well and had the best laugh ever…"
"Do you miss her?"
"Every day," Victoria said to him and that was true. She missed her even more when she remembered that just five years ago they'd been ice skating in the exact same spot and she'd been due to spend her first Christmas with Homelander in the cabin. Everything had been perfect back then.
"I…my mom used to love Christmas," Ryan said to her. "She'd make gingerbread men and always watch Terms of Endearment."
"It's a great film," Victoria said with a nod. "And it's okay to be sad, honey…I think there's something about Christmas that makes us miss the people we've lost even more and if you want to talk about her then we can. We can always talk about her."
"I guess I just miss what we used to do together," Ryan shrugged. "And I'm thinking about it a lot more…especially when I see you with Evelyn."
"And it's okay to feel sad," Victoria promised him. "And you don't need to feel sad on your own, okay? You can always talk to me. I'm always going to be there for you, alright?"
Ryan nodded. "Do…do you think we could make gingerbread men?" he asked her.
"Sweetie, we can do anything you want," Victoria promised him and squeezed his hand inside of hers.
"I'd like that," Ryan said.
"Then consider it done," she said and they continued skating side-by-side together and Victoria glanced over to where Homelander was stood with Evie. He waved to her and even Evie lifted her hand. Victoria waved back and knew that her husband might be on her side for the time being. She just didn't know how long that was going to last for.
...
A/N: So we have a few chapters until Christmas hits! Lots more to come as things escalate. As always, would love to know what you think!