With a smile on his face, Lan left the Warder's fire. The look on Nynaeve's face had been priceless when she had thought about the relationship between Alanna, Maksim, and Ihvon. And now, he was leaving as well to join his Aes Sedai. He was sure that she must have like a thousand questions and no one would give her the answer she was seeking.
When he approached the tent, which the Aes Sedai had given to him and Moiraine, he felt exhausted, but it wasn't his feelings. He had already felt it at the Warder's fire. Moiraine had used the One Power for hours today, although she had just been healed. Lan knew that it was essential to keep an eye on the false Dragon, but he wished that she would have taken a break before helping her sisters with Logain.
Moiraine was sitting on the bed when Lan entered their tent. She watched how he put his sword aside then he just stood there. Looking at her, while he sent his worries and disappointment through the bond. Of course, she understood that he hadn't liked her decision, but she had to find out if she had been wrong with the Emond's Fielder. Was it possible that they had searched at the wrong place? Had she brought the villagers out of their hometown for nothing? Was it possible that she was wrong about one of them being the Dragon Reborn?
Lan felt her doubts and uncertainty and sighed heavily. He couldn't be angry with her when she was in that mood. "He is ten years too old at least. Is he as strong as Egwene?"
Moiraine thought about it, but then she shook her head. "I don't know. I don't think so, but I don't know." She didn't like this uncertainty. She had thought that Egwene could be the Dragon. After all, this young woman was a powerful channeler although she hadn't used the One Power very often by now.
Slowly, Lan moved to her side and sat down beside her. "The dreams. Trollocs. The Dark One isn't after Logain."
"Perhaps he is." A sarcastic laugh escaped Moiraine's lips. "I don't think the Dark One has any more idea who the Dragon is than we do."
"I don't know if that's terrifying or comforting."
Another sarcastic laugh, while they both were lost in their thoughts. It was Moiraine, who broke the silence again. "We lost them. Twenty years we hunted, and we lost them."
"I lost them.", Lan clarified.
Moiraine's voice was soft when she answered: "Your losses are mine. And mine yours." Gently, she took his hand and squeezed it. She didn't blame him for what he had done. Now that she was able to think clearly again, she knew how hard it must have been for Lan.
As her Warder, it was his job to keep her safe. She was his first priority and she knew that this wouldn't change. Because of her, he had to keep an eye on four children, who didn't even trust those two strangers.
Lan smiled and returned her squeeze. "I shouldn't have had a drink."
Surprised, Moiraine looked at her Warder. What was he talking about? How did he make it from their talk about losing the children to having a drink? Sometimes, she didn't understand Lan's trains of thought.
"You always get emotional when I drink."
Moiraine snorted, and Lan looked at her smiling. He knew her too well. None of them talked much about their feelings. And usually, Lan knew how Moiraine reacted when he was drinking, but tonight he had forgotten about it. It just had been nice to be around other Warders again. To be around friends.
The woman of the Blue Ajah realized that she was staring into Lan's eyes and both turned their heads away. She even withdrew her hand.
"How is the Wisdom?" Moiraine needed a different subject.
"Liandrin is interested in her. She tried to pull her on her side by discrediting you."
"Clever." Lan raised an eyebrow at her, but Moiraine just smiled at him. "You know that Liandrin is interested in everything I do. And a woman, who is not an Aes Sedai but is traveling with us… well, that must look suspicious to her. Especially, since the two of us are usually traveling on our own."
Lan nodded then he rubbed his face tiredly. The last few days had been exhausted with danger lurking over their shoulders, little sleep, and fear for Moiraine's life. Because of their bond, he could survive longer without sleep, but even Lan had his limits.
"You need to sleep.", Moiraine said "We both do."
She got back on her feet, but Lan had other plans. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him until she was sitting on his lap facing him. "Lan, what…?"
The Warder didn't answer. Instead, he pulled her tunic out of her pants and then over her head. Over the years, he had seen her naked many times. It didn't bother him or Moiraine. But she was still confused by his actions. "Lan, I'm tired, but I'm still able to undress…"
When Lan's fingers moved gingerly over the new scar on her shoulder, she finally understood and turned quiet. The last time he had seen her, she had been close to death, and after that, she had been in the cave helping her sisters with Logain.
Moiraine closed her eyes, while Lan was still examining the scar, and listened to his feelings. There was still so much fear in him about losing her. It had been very close this time, and it had left a mark on her strong Warder. Then there was relief that she was healed, and… guilt. He hated himself for letting her down. For not protecting her from the blade.
Angry, Moiraine opened her eyes when she felt Lan's lips on her skin. He kissed her scar softly, and a shiver went through her body. Over the years, it hadn't been often that they had given in to their needs. They were different than other Aes Sedai's and her Warders. They loved each other deeply, but they weren't in love with one another. Lan knew that her heart was with Siuan.
"Lan.", Moiraine sighed, while her hands were laying on his shoulders. She needed to concentrate. This stubborn man tried to distract her, so she wouldn't think about the guilt he was feeling.
When his hands started to wander down her body, she decided to stop him. He might be stronger than her, but she could use the One Power. Strings of air moved around his wrists and pulled them aside, away from her body. Lan growled when she leaned back, but he couldn't stop her.
"You have to stop blaming yourself." Of course, he ignored her and fought against his invisible restraints. The Aes Sedai sighed heavily then she cupped his face in her hands and laid her forehead against his. Softly she said: "You did everything you could to protect me from the Trollocs. I didn't see the blade either."
Moiraine saw how the muscles in his face were working, while he had closed his eyes. He was angry with himself over what had happened. "Lan."
"You almost died, Moiraine."
"But I didn't. You kept me alive. You found my sisters. I'm…"
"Sometimes, I was barely able to feel you.", Lan whispered, but Moiraine heard the pain in his voice. It must've been an awful feeling for him. She felt him trembling because he was still fighting against the One Power. "Release my hands."
"If I do that then you won't listen to me anymore. But you need to understand…"
Lan interrupted her harshly. "All I need right now is to feel you! I need to feel your warm skin under my fingers! I need to hear you breathe without being in pain! That is what I need, Moiraine!"
She smiled softly. "Now, who is the emotional one?"
Another growl erupted from his throat, but it didn't impress Moiraine. Instead, she chuckled over his frustration. She knew that her strong and silent Warder had a soft side, even though he knew how to hide it very well.
Suddenly, Lan leaned into her and captured her lips with his own. His sudden move caught Moiraine off guard, and she lost her connection to the One Power, which was exactly what Lan had planned. As soon as his hands were free again, he pressed her body closer to him, while he deepened their kiss.
He hadn't been lying earlier. He didn't need her to forgive him or to tell him that he hadn't failed her. All he needed was her. His Aes Sedai.
When the Warder felt how Moiraine was moving her hands behind his back, he steadied her before he quickly threw her on the bed. Moiraine squeaked at the sudden movement then he was leaning over her. Lan captured her small wrists with one of his hands above her head, which would keep her from channeling again. After that, he pressed his lips against her throat where her pulse was beating steadily.
"Lan.", Moiraine tried again unsuccessful.
He kissed his way down to her collarbone and then to the new scar on her shoulder. After one last kiss, Lan pressed his ear against her chest where her heart was beating and closed his eyes, while he listened to her heartbeat.
Smiling, Moiraine dove into their bond and noticed how he started to calm down. Being close to her, listening to her heartbeat and her regular breathing had a calming effect on him. She couldn't push him away when this was helping him.
"Can I get my hands back?"
"Will you use the One Power again?"
"No."
Moiraine sighed relieved when Lan seemed to believe her and released her hands. This way, he could distribute his weight on both his arms, so she wouldn't feel it. The Aes Sedai put her hands on his shoulders and moved them slowly over his back.
"You better don't think that our conversation is already over."
"Sleep."
Moiraine chuckled, but she turned quiet. She would do anything for Lan.
Hours later, Lan awoke when he heard the laughter of his fellow Warders outside. Moiraine was sleeping peacefully. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but the last few days had taken their toll on him. As careful as possible, he lifted his weight off his Aes Sedai. If he was honest, he was surprised that she had been able to fall asleep with his weight on her. On the other hand, she had been pretty exhausted from the lack of sleep, the Trolloc poison, and the use of the One Power.
Suddenly, Moiraine made a discomforting noise, as if she was complaining that he was leaving her. Lan smiled, but then she started to rub her eyes tiredly. She was waking up. `So much for being careful.´, he thought sourly.
Moiraine shivered, and Lan realized that she was still naked from the waist upwards. Since he wasn't keeping her warm anymore, she was feeling the cold temperature. Lan got back on his feet and reached for her tunic, which was still lying on the ground.
"Lan?" Through sleepy eyes, the Aes Sedai watched her Warder, who returned to her bed.
"I didn't mean to wake you."
"Why did you move?"
"I woke up and wanted to release you of my weight." He helped her to sit upright then he pulled the tunic back over her head. When she was fully dressed again, he pulled off her boots and helped her to lie down again.
When he tried to cover her with a blanket, she sleepily grabbed his wrist. "Stay with me."
"I am here, Moiraine."
"I want to sleep with you tonight." Lan shook his head in amusement. Luckily, he knew his Aes Sedai well enough to know that she meant something completely different when she wanted to `sleep with him´. But in her current condition, she wasn't able to be more precise.
"This bed is hardly big enough for both of us."
"It didn't bother you when you were falling asleep on me listening to my heart."
Well, he couldn't deny that. But this time, he would make sure that she wasn't carrying his weight. Lan took off his own boots then he pulled Moiraine into his arms.
"What are you doing?", she mumbled but didn't fight against him.
"Making sure that I don't crush you."
In the end, the Warder was able to lie down on the bed, with his Aes Sedai lying on top of him, and the blanket covering both of them. Moiraine fell asleep very quickly, now that she was able to feel him again, and even Lan's eyes gave up the fight against sleep soon.