The Warders sat around their fire, but there was no laughter anymore. Everyone was still trying to process what had happened today. The attack of Logain's army. Almost every one of them had been hurt. Some of them had been close to death like Lan had. And then there was Kerene's death. Every one of them could feel Stepin's grief, even though no one else had lost their Aes Sedai. But it was no secret how painful it was for a Warder to lose your bonded woman.

The sight of Stepin burying Kerene, how he had taken her golden serpent ring, and now watching him suffer from her death, made every Warder think about their own bonds. Very easily, it could have been one of their Aes Sedai.

Nynaeve, who was sitting at their fire again, wasn't in a better mood. Almost everyone had seen her using the One Power to save Lan and the others. Until now, she had only received interested glances from the women of the Red Ajah, but otherwise, no one had approached or talked to her. Even Lan hadn't talked to her. After the battle, he had helped the Warders to bury the dead soldiers, and then he had watched Moiraine from afar.

"I'm going to bed." It was the first thing, Stepin had said since he had felt Kerene's death. Although it hadn't been louder than a whisper, everyone shrugged since they had been lost in their own thoughts.

Lan was the first, who got on his feet and followed his friend to the tent. The Warders had agreed that they had to observe Stepin. Everyone had heard that Warders couldn't live without their Aes Sedai and would kill themselves. And Lan was determined to keep his friend alive.

Meanwhile, Moiraine sat at the fire of the green sisters. Like the Warders and the sisters of the Red Ajah, no one said a word or ate anything. Not even Alanna, who was rarely seen without some kind of food.

The memories from the cave hunted Moiraine. For once, there was the moment when Kerene, Liandrin, and she had tried to shield Logain again after he had escaped his prison. Three powerful Aes Sedai, but Logain had almost killed them all. Because of Kerene's sacrifice, they were still alive. Again, Moiraine saw how Kerene collapsed on the ground, gasping for air. At this moment, Moiraine had almost released her weave to heal her sister. But then Logain would've been free and would've killed everyone. Kerene's death had been the lesser evil.

Her memories moved on and now she saw a furious Stepin, who attacked Logain with his axes. She had felt how the blades had cut through their shield, but before Liandrin or she could do anything, Logain had used the weapons of the poor Warder to attack everyone in the cave.

She remembered the pain in her stomach when the handle of an axe had pierced her skin. It hadn't been as bad as when she had been hit by the blade of the Trolloc. Still, she had been more affected by it, since she had also been feeling Lan's pain and had felt him dying. All those feelings had knocked her out. Moiraine remembered how she had tried to breathe, but the pain had overwhelmed her. It had taken precious seconds for her to be able to move again. Sadly, even then she only had been able to crawl. This short distance between her Warder and herself had suddenly turned into an endless road. The Aes Sedai had tried to reach Lan. She had fought for every inch to get closer to him. Her hand had been reaching for him. If she could've only touched his throat then she would've been able to heal him and… she had felt how his life had quickly left his body. Their bond had turned number with every passing second and his presence in her mind had become weaker. She was losing him!

"Moiraine." Alanna's gentle voice pulled the woman of the Blue Ajah out of those terrible memories.

She realized that her hands were shaking uncontrollably. Alanna sat down beside her and took her hands into her own. Moiraine wanted to pull back, but Alanna's grip was strong. "Lan is alive."

"I know that.", Moiraine responded harshly and regretted her tone immediately. The green sister was her friend and just tried to help her.

Luckily, Alanna didn't take it personally. She had watched all day how Moiraine and Lan had behaved since the incident with Logain had happened. "And still you can't shake this feeling. The feeling of him dying right in front of you."

This time, Moiraine was able to free her hands. She couldn't talk about this. "It was a long day. I'll go to bed."

"Moiraine…"

"Goodnight, Alanna."

The woman of the Green Ajah reached out for her friend, but Moiraine was faster. She got on her feet and moved quickly to her tent. She didn't care if she was hurting Alanna's feelings. Tonight, it wasn't the time to talk about Lan's… No, she couldn't even think it. Lan was alive. He was with Stepin and would take care of him. Maybe he would keep an eye on the Wisdom as well. The young girl had started to like Moiraine's Warder. After all, she had touched the source to save his life. `I have to remember that I thank her for that. If she lets me close enough to talk to her.´

Exhausted, Moiraine entered the tent she shared with Lan. She would try to read a book before she would go to bed. Maybe this would clear her head.

Lan sat in a chair and watched Stepin in his sleep. His friend was turning from one side to the other. He was obviously having nightmares, but Lan didn't know what he could do about it. Stepin was missing his Aes Sedai. His bonded woman was gone forever until the wheel would turn again and eventually bring them back together.

Immediately, Lan's thoughts moved to his own Aes Sedai, and anger rose in his chest. When Logain's army had attacked them, he had tried to get to her. But when he had reached the cave with the others, everything had gone wrong. Stepin, who had been blinded by his loss and his grief, had attacked the False Dragon. Moiraine had gotten hurt, and his own throat had been cut by a piece of the blade. Lan knew that he had been close to death today. His bond with Moiraine had turned quiet, just like the time, she was almost dying from the Trolloc poison.

Angry, the Warder gritted his teeth. He had sworn to himself that he never wanted to feel their bond weakening again. But it did, and since Nynaeve had healed him and all the others, Moiraine had distanced herself from him. She didn't look him in the eye anymore. She didn't allow him to touch her. The only thing she did was be cold and dismissive. It made his blood boil.

The fabric of the entrance was pushed aside, and Maksim entered the tent. Quickly, Lan made sure that his mask was back in place. The other Warders didn't need to know about his problems with his Aes Sedai.

Maksim's eyes locked on Stepin. For a moment, he watched how the grieving man was constantly moving, then he went to Lan and took the second chair.

"Rest.", Lan whispered "There is no need for both of us to lack sleep."

"Funny, that's exactly what I wanted to tell you."

Confused, Lan turned his head to the other man. Why was he telling him that? They had agreed that someone should watch Stepin all the time and that they all would help to do so. It hadn't been an hour since Stepin had decided to go to bed.

Maksim noticed Lan's confusion and sighed. "Go to Moiraine."

Blood and ashes. It looked as if the others did have noticed their dismissive behavior. "Stepin needs me."

"No, Stepin doesn't care who is staying by his side. Light, I don't think he even wants us here watching his every move." A silent laugh escaped Maksim's lips, but then he turned his focus back on Lan. "But Moiraine needs you."

"Since when are you an expert in what my Aes Sedai needs?"

"I'm not. But Alanna worries about her." With those words, Maksim had Lan's attention. What had Alanna mentioned? Had Moiraine talked to her? But the woman of the Blue Ajah wasn't the kind of person, who talked about her feelings. Not even to a friend like Alanna. Light, most of the time, Lan wouldn't know about her feelings if he wouldn't be bonded to her.

Carefully, he dove into their bond. Her feelings were still swirling. There was pain, fear, grief, exhaustion, and hopelessness, but not one stood up from the others. They were all present at the same time. Moiraine noticed that he was poking around in her feelings, so she shut him out by subduing the bond.

Lan needed all his strength not to growl angrily. She hadn't masked the bond, but it was close to how it had felt when she had been dying, and Lan didn't like it one bit.

"Lan." Maksim had noticed that he had lost Lan during their conversation. "The Aes Sedai are grieving, too. They have lost a sister today. Alanna has Ihvon AND me. But Moiraine only got you. And according to Alanna, she isn't doing well. You almost died in front of her eyes."

"She doesn't want me there.", Lan whispered. This time, he couldn't hide his pain.

Maksim smiled and placed his hand comforting on Lan's shoulder. "I won't tell you how Moiraine thinks or acts in certain situations. No one knows that better than you. But I trust my Aes Sedai. And when she says that yours is having trouble, I would suggest you go to her. Sometimes, women want to be left alone, but sometimes, they are just too proud to ask for comfort."

Lan thought about Maksim's words. Moiraine wouldn't ask him to comfort her. She would rather suffer on her own, distancing herself from him, hiding her feelings,… `Which was exactly what she was doing all day. Lan, you're an idiot.´

The Warder sighed heavily. "Maksim? Could you look over Stepin tonight?"

His friend smiled and answered: "Of course. Go, take care of Moiraine."

"Thank you."

While he moved to the tent, which he shared with Moiraine, Lan noticed that Nynaeve was still sitting by the fire staring with a blank face at the flames. For a moment, the Warder thought about going over to her, but then he shook his head. No, his Aes Sedai needed him more. And this time, he wouldn't allow her to push him away.

When Lan entered their tent, Moiraine was sitting in a chair reading a book. `No.´, he quickly realized `She holds a book in her hands, but she isn't reading a word. Her mind is somewhere else.´

The Warder placed his sword on his bed, which pulled Moiraine out of her thoughts. She shrugged when she noticed that he had entered the tent without her realizing it. Her eyes wandered over him for a second then she turned her head away. She was still avoiding his gaze.

"You're here? I imagined that you would stay with Stepin for the night."

Lan watched how she closed the book. "Do you want me to leave?"

"I… no. I just… wondered." Lan released a relieved breath. He wouldn't have left her, but it was a progress that she didn't send him away.

Moiraine stood up and placed the book on the table. Her whole body screamed at Lan that she was exhausted. He had no idea how she was still able to stand on her feet. Lan approached his Aes Sedai unnoticed. Their bond was still subdued. Carefully, he put his arms around her and pulled her against his chest.

Moiraine gasped at the sudden movement, but then she grabbed his arm tightly. Now that his body was pressed against hers, Lan noticed that she was trembling. `Stubborn woman.´

Softly, he pressed his lips against her jawbone right under her earlobe, then he continued to kiss it down to her chin. The trembling became stronger, and Moiraine dug her nails into his arm, but Lan didn't care.

"Let me in.", he whispered against her skin before he tasted salt on his lips. Moiraine had closed her eyes and silent tears were running down her cheeks. "Let me in, Moiraine."

It needed five more kisses from Lan until she finally opened the bond again. Her fear filled his mind, and a heartbreaking sob came over her lips, which should be the first of many. Now that she allowed herself to give in to her feelings, she couldn't stop anymore. The cries shook her whole body, and only Lan's tight embrace kept her from curling up.

The Warder waited several minutes until he let go of his Aes Sedai. Her cries had lessened. Gently, he turned her around then he pulled her back into his arms. His hand found its way into her hair, while the other one was rubbing soothing circles on her back.

But when he tried to place her head under his chin, Moiraine moved her hands over his chest until they came to a halt on his throat. Her trembling thumbs were stroking over the healed cut, and Lan felt new waves of fear coming from her. She was terrified! His brave, strong, and powerful Aes Sedai was terrified to lose him!

Lan grabbed her hands and pressed them against his lips. A frustrated growl escaped from Moiraine's throat, while she tried to free her hands. She wanted to touch his throat! She needed to feel the healed skin under her fingers! But Lan was stronger and kept kissing her fingers.

"Lan.", she whined, and he stopped with the kisses, although he neither released her hands nor did he move them away from his lips.

"You've distanced yourself from me." Lan allowed her to feel his pain. How much it had hurt him that she hadn't talked to him. That she hadn't allowed him to touch her. To be there for her.

Moiraine closed her eyes, while fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. She had never meant to hurt her Warder. She simply hadn't trusted her feelings at the moment. Light, the attack had happened hours ago, and here she was crying as if it had just happened. "I didn't mean… I couldn't… my feelings… Liandrin…" She couldn't explain it. There were so many words in her mind, but she couldn't form a full sentence.

Luckily, Lan understood what she was trying to tell him. After all, he knew her for over twenty years and knew how much she tried not to show her feelings to anyone. Softly, he kissed her fingers again, then he grabbed her wrists with one hand and kneeled down in front of her.

"Lan…"

The Warder noticed that she was still wearing the same tunic, which she had worn in the cave. There was a hole in it, where the handle of Stepin's axe had stabbed her, as well as dried blood stains. When Lan pulled her tunic out of her pants, Moiraine tried to free her hands, but it was useless. Now it was Lan's turn to make sure that his Aes Sedai was healed again.

His fingers moved gingerly over her stomach. There wasn't even a scar left. Her skin looked as if nothing had ever happened.

"Lan, please." He leaned forward and pressed his lips on her stomach. Just like he had done it with her healed stab wound from the Trolloc attack. A shiver went through Moiraine's body. "I…"

But before she could continue, Lan got back on his feet and pulled her to her bed. The woman of the Blue Ajah didn't hesitate and followed his guidance. Lan sat down and took off his boots. Then he pulled Moiraine on his lap and took off her boots as well. When he lay down, he placed her on top of him.

Surprised, he noticed how Moiraine's finger reached up again and moved over his throat. Apparently, she couldn't get over the fact that he had almost died. Lan closed his eyes, while her fingers kept stroking over his uninjured skin. He opened himself to her and sent her all his love through the bond.

Moiraine shrugged and new tears rolled down her cheeks. Light, she couldn't remember the last time she had cried that much – probably never. "I couldn't save you." Her voice wasn't louder than a whisper, but Lan heard the pain and the desperation in it and his eyes flew open again. "I tried… so hard to get to you…"

Quickly, he cupped her face in his hands. "I know that you've tried everything to heal me. And I know how hard you fought to reach me. I wanted to get to you, but I couldn't move."

Moiraine lowered her head until it fit perfectly under Lan's chin. "I wasn't strong enough."

"Nonsense. You are the strongest woman I know. But even you have your limits. Don't beat yourself up."

Both of them turned silent, while they were pulling their strength from one another.

After a while, when her tears had finally dried and the trembling had stopped, Moiraine spoke again. "How is Stepin?"

"In grief."

"Do you want to spend the night…?"

"Maksim is with him." Moiraine nodded, and Lan felt her relief when she realized that he wouldn't leave her tonight. "Alanna had noticed that something was off between us."

"She tried to comfort me by the fire."

"Let me guess, you ran away." Lan laughed when Moiraine pinched his stomach. "Am I wrong?"

"It's late, and I'm exhausted."

Lan pressed a kiss on the top of her head, then he reached for the blanket and pulled it over her body. "Sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you that you came here and left Stepin with Maksim."

"An honor to serve, Moiraine Sedai." This time, his voice was warm and full of love, but Moiraine winced anyway at his words.

"Please don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Don't use my title. I don't like it when you say it. It sounds formal and distant as if I had just bonded with you. You are my friend and so much more. I don't want this distance between us."

Smiling, Lan held her tighter against him. "Then I won't use it anymore until it is necessary."

"Thank you."

"Goodnight, Moiraine."

"Goodnight, Lan."

I would love to hear your thoughts. What do you think about my versions of missing and extended scenes?

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