Hello everyone.
I hope you all had a wonderful start to the new year.
I'm back with writing some missing and extended scenes for Season 2.
I'm certain that Moiraine's bathing scene is probably taking place on the same day she meets Bayle Doman, but my brain thought, 'What if it happened on another day?'

Moiraine's thoughts are spiraling. No Saidar, no bond. And she refuses to let Lan get close to her. What shall she do?

Quote: She fills up those buckets. No matter how many trips to the well she has to make. No matter how much water she spills along the way (Verin).

Moiraine's arms were aching from pulling up the filled water bucket. Her body wasn't used to that kind of work. For twenty years, she hadn't carried a water bucket on her own – let alone two at the same time. It had always been Lan who brought the water that they used for cooking or cleaning themselves. She had been responsible for heating the water.

The Aes Sedai hissed when the rope slipped through her fingers for a second because her grip had loosened. Cursing, she pulled up the bucket, placed it on the edge of the well, then looked at her burning fingers. They already started to turn red. Blood and ashes! That would hurt terribly again!

It wasn't the first time she had burned her fingers in the last few months. When she had started to get her own water, it happened daily. After the first week, Verin had to heal her fingers since she could barely move them anymore, and the wounds started to discharge. They had burned like fire, had turned into a dark red, and refused to heal on their own since she opened the wounds every day again with her doings. Verin had worried Moiraine could catch an infection if she wasn't careful.

Over the months, Moiraine had gotten better. The rope rarely slipped her now, and her arms got stronger. But when her mind was drifting off, it occasionally happened that she lost her grip on the rope for a moment, regretting it in the next heartbeat – like she did now. Her fingers already turned slightly reddish!

Angry with herself, she closed her hands into a fist, then poured the water into the last bucket. It was useless to whine about her stupid mistake.

Once she was done, she hung the buckets over the yoke before she placed it over her shoulders. The weight on her shoulders almost pulled her down to her knees – her body wasn't made for such work! – but the stubborn woman refused to give up. She had proven that she could do that by herself. She didn't need Lan or anyone else to carry the buckets for her. She had lost Saidar but wasn't useless!

Carefully, she took a wobbly step forward, then the next. One foot in front of the other. Her steps became more secure the further she walked.

The Cairhien woman knew the path back to Verin and Adeleas' house. It wasn't an easy path – Moiraine had to step over stones and fallen trees – and the ground was uneven. More than once, the woman of the Blue Ajah stumbled or hit her toes against a stone.

But the bigger problem was to keep the water in the buckets. She was still far from being trained in balancing the yoke on her shoulders, and it happened more than once that she lost some water on her way.

Slowly, Moiraine walked higher and higher. It was her twentieth walk to the well today, and she was exhausted. Her legs wanted to give in with every step she took forward, but she refused to give up. She didn't need help to carry the water! She could do it by herself! She wasn't useless!

Moiraine sighed, relieved when she finally reached Verin and Adeleas' house. She was drenched in sweat. It was exhausting to carry the heavy buckets up the hill, and it wasn't helping that the hot sun burned down on her. Once, she had taken a short break on the way after her right leg had given in, and she fell to her knees. The Aes Sedai had cursed when pain shot through her leg, and she lost more water due to the sudden stop. For a moment, she had even thought she had seen Tomas – Verin's Warder – hiding behind a rock from the corner of her eye, but if he had been hiding there, he never showed himself to her.

The Aes Sedai let her eyes wander over the garden. No one was there. She couldn't even hear Verin or Adeleas talking about their studies. Maybe they were still eating their breakfast? Then it was possible that Tomas was with them. And Lan… her Warder was probably already training.

Since she had started to show him the cold shoulder and barely talked to him, the Malkieri left the house early to go through his training. Moiraine used that time to carry the water to the house.

Quickly, she sneaked through the garden, ensuring the tomatoes and other plants would hide her from curious eyes while aiming for the bathhouse.

The two sisters had a separate bathhouse with a big bathtub beside the main building, and Moiraine loved it. It was a place where she could be completely alone and no one disturbed her. Sometimes, she wondered if the two sisters even found the time to bathe or if they were too busy going through their books.

Moiraine reached the bathhouse without running into someone. There was no one inside, so she used the opportunity and quickly disappeared behind the door, locking it behind her. It was a relief to shut the outside world out.

Carefully, she carried the two buckets to the fireplace. A big pot stood beside the fire, along with countless other buckets. Moiraine would only heat a small amount of the water since it would take too long to heat all the buckets.

It were situations like that when she missed Saidar, realizing how easy her life had been when she had been able to heat water with a simple flick of her wrist. Now, she had to wait until the fire had done its task.

Calmly, Moiraine sat before the fire, staring into the pot with the boiling water. She had filled the bathtub with the cold water and waited now until she could add the hot water so she could take a bath. It wasn't even close to the relaxing baths Moiraine had had in the past, but it was the best she could do, and it was better than washing with ice-cold water.

After what felt like an eternity, the water was finally ready, and Moiraine poured it into the bathtub. The steam quickly faded, the hot water simply warming up the cold inside so it was bearable to slip into the water.

The Cairhien woman undressed when she suddenly noticed dirt and a small cut on her dress. It must have happened when she had fell earlier. Growling, she threw the fabric into the water. Everything seemed to work against her!

Angrily, she slipped into the bathtub. It was an overstatement to call the water 'warm', but it had to do. She wouldn't take another walk to the well. Her shoulders were still protesting from carrying the heavy weight multiple times. Her right knee was burning from when her legs had given in, and she had hit the ground.

And then there were her fingers. They were still burning from the rope slipping her fingers, though she did her best to ignore the pain. She wouldn't run to Verin to heal her. It had been her own fault. Hadn't she been lost in her thoughts…

Growling, Moiraine grabbed the wet fabric and started feverishly to get the dirt out of it. She rubbed and rubbed until it was clean again, but then her eyes fell on the cut. It wouldn't be fixed that easily. Moiraine wished she could use Saidar to knit the fabric back together. Her life would be so much easier if she could touch the One Power again!

Instead, she had to use a needle to mend the cut – and she was terrible at handling a needle! She had hated it when she had to learn how to stitch as a young girl in the Sun Palace. Her work had always looked awful! But she couldn't let Lan or one of her sisters do it for her. After all, she wanted them to leave her alone. Asking for their help would be an invitation to get close to her again, and she couldn't handle that.

Sighing, the Aes Sedai let go of her dress, and her attention returned to her clumsy hands – useless hands! She lifted a hand into the air. Once they had been able to weave the elements, causing earthquakes and calling down thunder. She had thrown countless fireballs at the Shadowspawn or Whitecloaks, and more than once, they had healed the injured ones like she had done in the Two Rivers after the Trolloc attack.

Slowly, Moiraine lifted the second hand as well. She had been one of the stronger channeler in the White Tower. Yet, she had never longed to become a sitter in the hall or the Amyrlin Seat herself. She had run from Tar Valon so she wouldn't be used as a potential queen and hadn't regretted it since then.

But now, she didn't have Saidar at her fingertips anymore. The memory of Ishamael, cutting her off from the One Power with the flick of his wrist, appeared before her eyes, and Moiraine's throat tightened. She remembered the painful feeling when she couldn't feel Saidar anymore. One moment, she had been channeling daggers to hurt him. In the next second, there had been nothing but emptiness. In her shock, the Cairhien woman had forgotten to breathe.

Five months had passed since that moment, and no matter how often the Aes Sedai had tried, she hadn't been able to touch Saidar again. She knew the One Power was still there – light, she had seen Verin and Adeleas channeling multiple times – but it wasn't there for her.

Maybe today… Although, Moiraine already knew the answer, she lowered one hand until her palm almost touched the surface. The weave to heat water was a simple one – one she had used countless times over the years. But without Saidar, she couldn't pull the right strings together. The temperature of the water stayed the same.

When she let her hand sink into the barely warm water, a little voice in the back of her head whispered, You are stilled. You will never channel again.

Tears burned in her eyes, and Moiraine closed her eyes to hold them back. She didn't know why she did that to herself every day, but it felt like she had to. Maybe it had all been a mistake. Perhaps that was all a dream, and tomorrow, she would be able to touch the One Power.

It's been five months. I should stop torturing myself and accept my fate. I'm stilled. The Aes Sedai was simply thinking the words, yet her throat tightened like she had wanted to speak them out loud. Even the thought was… like a stab to the heart.

Moiraine took a deep breath, then sank deeper into the bathtub until she could place her head on the edge, her feet touching the other side of the bathtub while wrapping her arms around her chest.

Being stilled wasn't the only reason for her pain. Apart from the obvious, she had also lost her bond with Lan because of her actions. She had masked the bond to save his life – to protect him from dying at the Eye of the World – but she hadn't died at the Eye like she had assumed. Ishamael had let her live, so Lan could find her, but she couldn't undo what she had done without Saidar.

Lan had begged her to let him back in, and at that moment, Moiraine had wished she could fulfill his wish with all her heart. She had felt so alone without him and hesitated a few times during her path through the Blight. Everything would have been so much easier with Lan by her side.

Sighing, the Cairhien woman pulled her legs against her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Lan. Although she had left him in Fal Dara without talking to him first, pushed him in Nynaeve's arms so he wouldn't notice her departure and wonder about the masking of the bond, and even though there was no doubt she would ever channel again to unmask their bond, that incredible man stayed by her side. He had accompanied her to Tifan's Well instead of going with Nynaeve to Tar Valon. And no matter how often she told him to leave her – to find the woman who held his heart – he refused to leave. Each morning, he got up, went through his training, brought her food when it was time, and used every opportunity to be close to her. And all the time, he stayed maddening calm – no matter how often she snapped at him.

A tear escaped Moiraine's eyes and rolled over her cheek. She hated herself for hurting Lan. The man didn't deserve what she was doing to him, but he didn't give her a choice. Lan would never leave her if she didn't turn mean. His loyalty and sense of protection toward her were stronger than she had seen in any other man. No, the Aes Sedai had to push him away, though she was scared of how much further she had to go until he finally had enough of her.

Slowly, she leaned her head forward until her nose touched her legs. She needed a plan. A better plan than what she had come up with until now. There had to be something that would push him hard enough for him to snap.

More tears rolled over her cheeks. Light, she didn't want to do that! Her heart ached at the simple thought of hurting Lan. Every cell in her body worked against her in hurting the man who had dedicated his life to hers. She wanted things to be back to how they used to be. She wanted to feel Lan, wanted to see him smile, and wanted him to pull her in his strong arms. Everything seemed so much easier when Lan held her.

But Lan hadn't hugged her in a very long time. Oh, he had tried – multiple times. Whenever he noticed that she was too distracted to notice him or she walked closer to him subconsciously, her Warder used the opportunity to touch her. Every time, he tried to pull her close to him, but the Aes Sedai always freed herself before he succeeded. As much as she longed for him, it would only encourage him to stay with her.

Angry about the stupid situation – but mainly with herself – Moiraine let go of her legs and stood up. The water was already getting cold, and she had to hurry if she didn't want to run into Lan after his training.

Two buckets of water were left from her last trip to the well. Moiraine poured them into the pot, then placed it on the fireplace. She got dressed while the water started to boil. It wasn't much, but it was the only way for her to warm Lan's water. He deserved that, at least.

Once she was done dressing, the Cairhien woman grabbed her wet clothes and went for the door. She would have to find a needle and some yarn to mend the cut on her dress. She wasn't in the mood to find a tailor to get herself a new dress.

Moiraine opened the door and almost ran into Lan who had raised his hand for knocking. Her eyes were locked on the sweaty, bare chest before her, and she couldn't stop herself from letting her eyes wander over the muscles and the scars. She knew all those scars – she knew every muscle! Her fingers itched when they remembered how they had moved over the soft skin trying to memorize every curve and bulge. She remembered Lan's amusement over her silly actions through the bond, but he had never stopped her – not once!

The urge to touch him was strong, and Moiraine fought hard to fight down her upcoming feelings. She couldn't cross that line! Lan would see it as a sign that she was finally letting him back in!

"Moiraine?"

He must have come directly from his training. The Cairhien woman knew that the Malkieri always trained without having his tunic on, and the sweat glistened on his well-trained body. He had put the tunic on but left it open. Adeleas must have been thrilled! Moiraine felt like she needed to vomit.

"Moiraine."

The uncrowned king of Malkier closed the distance between them. His free hand reached for her waist – the other was wrapped around his sword. When his scent hit her nose, the Cairhien woman broke out of her trance. No!

Lan's hand on her back pulled her gently toward him, and her body reacted automatically, giving in to Lan's motion to be close to him.

"No!"

Quickly, Moiraine placed her hand on her Warder's chest, then pushed him off her. Lan's hand on her back retreated immediately – not daring to overstep a line – but it was the pain on his face that hit her the most when she quickly pulled back her hand from his chest like she had burned herself. Guilt flooded her veins, and her stomach turned painfully. Her behavior was the reason for his pain, and she hated to see that expression on his face. Light, why couldn't he see reason and return to Nynaeve?! This way, she wouldn't have to hurt him!

The pain on Lan's face was quickly replaced by anger, and she saw his facial muscles move like he was chewing on something. "Apologies, Aes Sedai. I didn't mean to force myself on you."

Moiraine winced at his cold words. Blood and ashes! How much she hated when he used her title! – Like they were two strangers and not friends! Well, you can't call yourself his friend when you treat him so poorly. He simply reacts to your cruel behavior.

"What is that?!" Although he was still angry with her, Lan couldn't suppress his concerns and grabbed her hand to take a closer look at her fingers.

The woman of the Blue Ajah winced again when his fingers rubbed over the rope burn. Of course, her Warder's excellent eyes noticed such a minor detail.

"You need to be more careful, Moiraine!" Lan's words sounded harsh, but his touch was gentle while he examined the damage she had inflicted on herself.

Quickly, the Aes Sedai stepped out of the bathhouse, making way for Lan to enter and pulling her hand out of his grasp. She couldn't stand his care. She didn't deserve it. Why did Lan still care about her? "There is fresh water in the pot, but you need to give it a few more minutes before it is boiling." Light, she wanted to slap herself! Why couldn't she keep her mouth shut?! She had given Lan hope with those words, although she wanted to push him away! What was wrong with her?!

His face softened, and she saw the begging in his eyes. But when he took a step toward her, she took one back. She couldn't let him get close to her again.

"Moiraine, please." Light! His voice was so gentle, and the plea nearly broke her heart. Usually, she couldn't deny Lan anything. "Stay."

Her eyes burned. She wouldn't cry in front of him. No, it was time to run. "The bathtub is all yours."

The uncrowned king of Malkier reached out for her one last time, but the Cairhien woman stepped out of his reach, then rushed to the house. She felt like someone was squeezing her heart and could barely breathe. The fingers of her free hand grabbed the fabric of her skirt to stop herself from turning back. She couldn't go back. She had to be strong.

Lan's eyes tore a hole in her back, and Moiraine mended her pace. She wouldn't break in front of him! – She wouldn't!

I have to admit that my brain went crazy with writing missing and extended scenes for Season 2. So, buckle up for some stories coming your way.
The next story will be uploaded on Sunday.
And as always, I would appreciate it if you could take a moment to leave a review.