Moiraine and Lan's second attempt at a conversation still doesn't go well but is calmer than the first one.

Moiraine watched herself in the small mirror which hung in her room. After a short debate with Verin, the Brown Sister had finally left the room. The Cairhien woman had refused another healing. She deserved the pain she was feeling now and didn't want Verin to take it from her. Besides, it was nothing compared to her hurting heart. The harsh words she and Lan had thrown at each other… Moiraine wished she could take them back.

Had she ever felt so awful before in her life? She doubted it. Why had no one ever warned her about the love an Aes Sedai felt toward her Warder? That it was nearly impossible to push him away, and that she was hurting herself as much as she was hurting him?

No one at the White Tower had ever told her about the depth of the Aes Sedai-Warder connection. Of course, they all say that no one was closer to an Aes Sedai or Warder than their bonded partners, but no one mentioned how close you became after years.

Moiraine finally understood why some women needed decades before they bond another Warder after losing the previous one. It broke her heart to lose Lan. And in her case, the man was still alive, following her around.

The Cairhien woman didn't know what was better. Would it hurt less if Lan had died and she felt his death? Would that hole in her soul feel different from what she was feeling now?

Stop that! She scolded herself. Lan isn't dead! He is alive, and once he realizes you two don't have a future together, he will go to the White Tower to become Nynaeve's Warder!

Another stab to her heart. Nynaeve. The young Wisdom from the Two Rivers. Was that young girl worth Lan's bond? Would she be a good Aes Sedai for him? That's none of your business, Moiraine. These two love each other, and you shouldn't stand in the way of their happiness. They will find their way once you're out of the picture.

Moiraine took a deep breath, then pulled her clothes back in place. She had to focus on today. Her plan to run from Tifan's Well in the middle of the night with no one noticing had failed. Verin and Adeleas would start asking questions very soon, and Moiraine didn't have any answers for them. She had to leave Tifan's Well to find out more about Lanfear – to find Rand. The boy was in great danger if the Daughter of the Night walked among them again.

Frustrated, the Cairhien woman left her room. Her belly hurt where the Myrddraal had hit her, but it didn't stop her from moving. She needed a plan – a new plan for leaving that place without having Lan follow her.

When the Aes Sedai passed her Warder's room, the door was closed. Relieved, she mended her pace when a groan stopped her in her tracks. She knew that voice, and a cold shiver ran over her back.

With an agonized look, she turned her face to the closed door. It pained her to hear Lan being in pain. Carefully, the Cairhien woman placed a hand on the wood. She couldn't go in there. It would ruin everything she had done so far to push him away. Yet, her heart urged her to give in to her longing. Lan was right behind that door. It wouldn't take much to open the wooden thing, and slip into the room.

Another groan sounded through the door. Regretfully, the Aes Sedai leaned her forehead at the back of her hand. How much easier things would be if she still had the One Power at her fingertips. She wouldn't hesitate to heal Lan from the pain. Light, he wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place! They wouldn't have come to Tifan's Well, and even if they had, they hadn't stayed for months!

Moiraine couldn't remember when they had stayed that long in one place. Not even when they had visited the White Tower in the past. The longest was probably two months and only after Siuan had been raised as the Amyrlin Seat. All Ajahs had come together to discuss how to deal with the changes and what the new Amyrlin was expecting from them in their separate constellations. During those months, Moiraine had rarely seen Lan, though he made it a habit to wait for her in her room whenever she returned from those meetings every night. Sometimes, he had prepared a nightly dinner or brought some honeycakes to cheer her up. And then there had been nights when she had fallen asleep in his arms, exhausted from the day's meeting.

"Blood and ashes!"

Lan's curse pulled Moiraine out of her memories. Those days were in the past. She had to think about Lan's future – a future she wasn't a part of any longer.

The uncrowned king of Malkier groaned again in pain. Why hadn't Adeleas healed him? It was impossible she was still working on him. Or was the Green Sister still asleep?

I couldn't protect her. The Myrddraal would have killed her if you hadn't appeared.

Lan's words to Verin from last night echoed in her ears. No. Adeleas had offered her help, just like Verin offered hers. Lan must have refused another healing. Stubborn man! His body had taken so many hits that it was remarkable he could stand.

Sighing, Moiraine straightened again, though her hand remained connected to the wood. It was time to leave before he found…

The door opened, and the Aes Sedai pulled back her hand in shock. She looked at her Warder with wide eyes, standing at the door with a frown on his forehead. Light, she had taken too long!

"What…?"

Moiraine moved before Lan could finish his question. It had been a mistake to stop. She should have ignored his painful groans even though her heart would hurt as a result.

"Wait."

Lan's hand closed around Moiraine's upper arm, stopping her. The Aes Sedai hissed when the pain exploded in her belly at the unexpected movement.

"Let go."

"Moiraine, please."

Damn, that man and his gentle tone! The softness in her Warder's voice was wrong. Why was he so calm again? Why wasn't he yelling at her? – Cursing her for her cruel behavior?

The Cairhien woman tried to free her arm from his grip. She should've moved faster. "Let go."

"You thought about entering my room."

"I stopped because I heard someone groaning."

Suddenly, the uncrowned king of Malkier released her arm, and the woman stumbled backward in surprise. Sadly, the man used her surprise to wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her close against his body. His free fingers moved into her dark locks, bringing their foreheads together.

"Let go."

Furious, Moiraine fought against Lan's hold on her. She had to end that! There was no doubt her body would betray her any second. Lan's warm body, his embrace, gentle voice, and warm breath on her lips wrapped her in a bubble she could hardly escape.

"You still care about me," he whispered, ignoring her attempts to break free. "I saw it in your eyes, yesterday. Please. Talk to me."

"If you want someone to talk to, you should ask Adeleas. I'm sure she will love to keep you company."

Lan grimaced and closed his eyes. Moiraine knew how much he hated the Green Sister's attention. He had no intention on spending more time with Adeleas than necessary.

Since the Malkieri was distracted, the Cairhien woman used the opportunity to break free from his embrace. Light, she couldn't think with him being that close!

"Moiraine."

Of course, Lan tried to grab her again, but Moiraine didn't intend to give him another chance. Quickly, she fled down the corridor with her Warder at her heels.

"Wait, please."

"I have nothing to say to you."

It wasn't a lie. She didn't know what she should tell him. Of course, Lan wanted answers – just like Verin, Adeleas, and Tomas – but at the moment, she didn't have any.

"Please." Lan's fingers touched Moiraine's arm when she reached the staircase. Quickly, she rushed down the stairs, hearing him curse in her back when she slipped him. "Moiraine." She didn't stop. "Moiraine."

The Cairhien woman had to stop when her feet touched the ground. Her belly was on fire. All sounds sounded dull, and she could barely breathe. Light, she hadn't expected to feel that weak!

"Foolish woman," the Malkieri growled, then his hands grabbed her.

"Don't," Moiraine whispered weakly but didn't have the strength to free herself.

She didn't know if Lan didn't hear her or if he simply ignored her protest. Nonetheless, the uncrowned king of Malkier guided her forward through the archway, aiming for the chair Adeleas had occupied last night during their dinner.

"Sit."

This time, she didn't protest. She would do anything to reduce the pain in her belly. Blood and ashes! Maybe she should reconsider accepting another healing from Verin.

"I'll get you some water." Slowly, Lan made his way over to the small table with the water can.

"I don't want anything."

"It's water, Moiraine. You need to-"

"I said 'no'!"

The uncrowned king of Malkier stopped, and his hand grabbed the backrest tightly as if he wanted to break it. Moiraine saw him taking a few deep breaths to calm his upcoming anger before he turned his head back to her.

"Can we please talk about last night?"

"Myrddraals appeared. Now, they're dead."

"I'm more interested in why you left without telling me."

If you want to be free of me, you must release me officially!

Would Lan ask her to release him again? No, he hadn't asked her. Lan told her she had to break their connection if she didn't want him as her Warder anymore. He would never ask such a thing of her. But that was something she couldn't do. Of course, Verin and Adeleas could help her break the masked bond forever, but…

"I have nothing to say to you."

The Aes Sedai hoped the cold look in her eyes would convince her Warder to stop asking questions. But he returned her look just as coldly. "Where did you want to go, Moiraine?"

Sighing, she turned her head away. She couldn't stand the look in his eyes any longer. Besides, she needed a new plan to escape that place and a new plan for Lan to get to the White Tower.

Growling, the Malkieri gave up getting some answers out of the Cairhien woman. He sat down on a chaise longue, which Adeleas usually used to relax on, and was as far away as possible from his bondholder.

Moiraine threw a short glance at him when she heard him groaning in pain during his sitting, then brought her eyes back to the tree. How could she protect Lan? If last night had shown her anything, then it was that she couldn't fight by his side. Without Saidar, she was a weak and easy target, and Lan couldn't fight properly without their bond. All his strength, talent, and bravery didn't help if his mind was constantly blocked by his worry about her safety.

Suddenly, footsteps approached them, then Adeleas appeared in the archway. The two sisters thew disapproval glances at each other. It was no secret that Adeleas disagreed with how the Blue Sister treated the Malkieri, while Moiraine didn't like the Green Sister's interest in the man. How much of her and Lan's argument had Adeleas heard?

Luckily, the woman of the Green Ajah didn't bother to talk to Moiraine. Instead, she turned around and found Lan. "Ah, Lan." Moiraine wanted to vomit when she heard the sweet voice her sister used to talk to Lan and couldn't resist rolling her eyes at the overprotective behavior. Lan wasn't Adeleas' Warder. Why couldn't that woman leave him alone? "You sure you don't need more healing?"

"I'm fine." Foolish man! Didn't he realize he encouraged the horny woman with his gentle tone?! Yet, Adeleas' question had proven Moiraine right. Lan had refused another healing, just like she had refused Verin's offer.

"I'll get you some water."

Maybe she should take Lan with her. The man wouldn't survive a day if she left him alone with her sisters and Tomas. And only the light knew when Alanna would arrive. No, it was better if she took him with her. It wasn't a big detour to aim for Tar Valon first before she continued to Cairhien. She would think of a plan to get rid of him on their way.

A new sound pulled the Cairhien woman out of her thoughts. Verin had appeared and sat beside Moiraine. The woman of the Blue Ajah remembered that she still didn't know how to answer her sisters' questions about last night – and they would ask at some point. She should think about something before continuing with her plan to escape from Tifan's Well.

"You're in luck." Moiraine almost furrowed her forehead at Verin's words. Luck? What was the older woman talking about? And why was she smiling? "My sister and I have decided to accompany you."

The Cairhien woman felt like all the blood had left her body. They intended to do what?! Accompany her?! She needed to get rid of them, not tie them closer to her! A quiet huff escaped Moiraine's lips – she wasn't sure if she should be laughing or crying – and forced her lips to smile at Verin's words, though the Brown Sister must have seen the agony on her face.

Then the sound of an approaching horse came from the entrance, catching everyone's attention and making their heads turn. Tomas brought a saddled horse. Apparently, the sisters were serious about going with Moiraine. The woman of the Blue Ajah swallowed. That was definitely NOT her plan!

"I assume you'll head for the White Tower first." Verin had turned her attention back on Moiraine.

"I have been exiled from the Tower," Moiraine answered automatically.

It was unnecessary to mention it. Every Aes Sedai knew about Moiraine's exile. An exile hadn't happened in a very long time, yet there were protocols. Usually, every Aes Sedai had to turn her back on the exiled woman. Luckily for Moiraine, not every Aes Sedai followed the protocol – like Verin and Adeleas.

"I know." Verin sounded as if she disagreed with the exile.

Surprised, the Cairhien woman watched how her sister stood up and left to check on Tomas and the horses. Adeleas followed her. Why did Verin mention the White Tower, knowing Moiraine couldn't go there? What did she think Moiraine was looking for? Had she looked through the woman's personal belongings? Had she found anything?

A movement to her left caught the Aes Sedai's attention, and her eyes met Lan's. She didn't need to ask if he had heard them. His eyes told her he had heard every word. Well, at least he couldn't complain she ran off again without any protection. This time, she would have two Aes Sedai and two Warders by her side. The Shadowspawn would be stupid to attack their group.

But there was more standing in Lan's eyes. She could read the question like they were still bonded. What now?

Frustrated, the Cairhien woman looked at her sisters. What now? If only she had the answer to that. Verin's statement had made everything more complicated. It gave Moiraine more time to think about a new plan, but it also meant she couldn't sneak away so easily anymore. And she couldn't go back to Tar Valon!

Moiraine noticed how Lan got back to his feet. Lan. At least there was something positive about going to Tar Valon. No matter when Alanna got Moiraine's letter, they would ride toward them. The Green Sister wouldn't have to rid far to collect the Malkieri like the Cairhien woman had begged her. That trip would bring him closer to Nynaeve and his future. But would the man accept his fate once Alanna reached them or would he start an argument?

Lan placed the water cup he had received from Adeleas on the table and continued to make his way over to his bondholder. Moiraine's heart started to beat faster. The uncrowned king of Malkier hadn't reached his breaking point yet. She had to go further if she wanted their final goodbye to be as quick as possible.

The Aes Sedai saw Tomas checking the saddle on a horse and an idea formed in her head. Her Warder was a brave and strong man, who would cross his limits to do anything for her. So, if she scratched his ego, maybe it would drive him further away from her.

When the Malkieri had almost reached her, the Cairhien woman forced herself on her feet. A new wave of pain rolled over her, and for a moment, she thought she would sink back into the chair.

Lan saw her struggle and reached out his hand to help her. "Wait."

Quickly, Moiraine straightened and held up her hand to keep him from touching her. She would show him that she was doing better. Without the bond, Lan couldn't know about the extent of her pain. "We need toleave if I'm to make it to the docks before sunset. I've lost too much time already."

Lan was speechless for a moment. The Aes Sedai didn't know if it was because she finally spoke to him about her plans or because she continued like nothing had happened. Nonetheless, she was glad she confused him. He shouldn't feel too secure about figuring out her intentions.

"Where exactly are we headed?" Lan wanted to know.

Well, that was an easy answer she could give him. "The White Tower."

Her Warder looked like he waited for more, then decided to lecture her. "You can't-"

"Have Tomas ready my horse," Moiraine interrupted the man. Like she needed him to remind her that she couldn't enter the place where her lover was waiting for her. Well, it was time for another cruel phrase. "You're still weak from the healing." Lan's grip around the backrest tightened. It was a start, but not enough. No, she had to hit him harder. "And I don't want my saddle to slip."

The Cairhien woman saw the Malkieri gritting his teeth, and his facial muscles moved in anger. She knew how much he hated it whenever someone else had to take over for him. Lan rarely asked for help. He was the kind of man who did everything by himself. And her words told him that she didn't trust his ability to saddle her horse without endangering her because of his weak condition.

Moiraine didn't wait for a reaction. She didn't even want to see the anger on his face. It was enough for now. Besides, she didn't know how much further she could push him without showing the pain she felt herself because of her cruel behavior. No, it was time to get her bags and leave Lan to his own thoughts.

A little note from the author:

Last week, I went to the hospital, not knowing it would end with my little wonder already seeing the light of day.
Now, he deserves my full attention, love, and everything he needs from me, and I can't wait to get to know him.
But by doing all that, I can't continue to upload any new chapters in the near future.
I can promise you I have many chapters already written and many ideas for more stories, but I hope you all understand that my little wonder is my priority now.
I don't know when I will upload a new chapter again. I won't disappear forever, but I will take a long break for now.

Thank you for your wonderful and incredible support. I'm very thankful for all the kind and sweet words you guys have left me for all my stories.