Quote: "Have Tomas ready my horse. You're still weak from the healing. And I don't want my saddle to slip." (Moiraine)

Moiraine and Lan ride with Verin, Adeleas, and Tomas to the White Tower. Sadly, Moiraine and Lan are still in a bad condition.

Quietly, Moiraine rode on Aldieb's back with Verin by her side. The Brown Sister thought it was her task to keep the woman of the Blue Ajah entertained during their travel. Moiraine had stopped hours ago to tell her sister she would like to ride in silence. Since then, she had moved on to simply riding while letting Verin do the talking, blending out her voice.

Nothing went as planned. Instead of running away from Tifan's Well, she ran directly into the arms of three Myrddraals. And now, she traveled with her two sisters, their Warder and Lan. That was not how she had imagined to get rid of them. Light, how was she supposed to get rid of them when they didn't let her out of their eyes?!

Tar Valon was a few days ride ahead of them – giving her plenty of time to think about a new escape plan – but Moiraine was no step closer to it before they had started. Her body was still aching from the injury, and sitting on a horse didn't help.

Sighing, Moiraine turned her eyes on Lan. The uncrowned king of Malkier rode before her and was accompanied by Adeleas and Tomas, though the old Warder sometimes rode ahead to check the road. Since they had left Tifan's Well, Lan hadn't looked at her – not once. Was he still angry with her for implying he was too weak to fulfill his duties as her Warder? Moiraine hadn't imagined she would see the day when Lan preferred Adeleas' company over hers.

Although… it didn't look like he was enjoying his ride. Even from her position, she could see the tension in his body and shoulders. The question was, was it because of Adeleas or the pain from his injuries? A part of Moiraine wanted to go to him and help him. It wasn't fair that he had to suffer.

But without the One Power, the woman of the Blue Ajah couldn't do anything to help her Warder. She couldn't help anyone. She was useless.

The fight against the Fade appeared before her eyes. How the creature had fooled her, only to attack after she thought of herself as the winner. Her belly ached painfully when she remembered the injury. And then that short moment when she had given up. When the Myrddraal looked down on her – ready to kill her with its blade – she had been prepared to embrace her death.

And then Lan had appeared. It had been like a dream and a nightmare all at once. Her wonderful Warder. A part of her had wanted him to find her – to save her like he had done so many times in the past. But the other part of her had feared his appearance. Fighting against a Myrddraal wasn't easy, and she couldn't warn him without the bond. She had feared for his life. Especially when the two other Fades arrived.

Moiraine's view cleared, and she saw Lan rearranging his position on his saddle. When Adeleas reached out her hand in worry, the Cairhien woman knew he must have been in pain again. And only because he had tried to protect me!

Her eyes burned, and she felt tears coming up. Light! She was responsible for his injury! Sure, she hadn't expected he would actually follow her but… it didn't mean she was happy about seeing him hurt. No, that injury was on her.

"Moiraine?"

And the saddest part was that she couldn't make it up to him. She couldn't heal him AND couldn't comfort him because she had to push him away.

"Moiraine."

But Nynaeve could help him – even without Saidar! The young woman was a Wisdom and knew how to heal someone with herbs, teas, and who knew what else. AND she could heal Lan's heart by comforting and hugging him. But how should she get the man to the White Tower?

"Moiraine!"

The woman of the Blue Ajah felt Verin's hand on her arm, pulling at her. Confused, she turned her head to the older woman. At the same time, something hit her in the face, slashing her cheek. Moiraine winced and pulled her head aside, but it was already too late.

"Blood and ashes!"

Angry, the Cairhien woman turned her head to see what had injured her. A low-hanging branch from a tree had hit her! She lifted her right hand to touch her injured cheek. It hurt terribly!

"Are you all right?" Verin asked with worry in her voice. "I tried to warn you, but you didn't react. Didn't you see the tree?"

"I…," Moiraine started, then closed her mouth. She didn't want to admit she had been thinking about Lan.

"How bad is it?"

Moiraine wanted to shake off Verin's hand, but then her eyes found Lan. Her Warder had turned Mandarb around and looked like he wanted to rush to her side. But there was something that hold him back. Even from a distance, Moiraine could see his white knuckles because he grabbed the reins so tightly. The man was forcing himself to stay put! Scratching his ego must have hurt him.

Quickly, the Aes Sedai lowered her eyes on Aldieb's head. She couldn't stand the Malkieri's stare any longer. "I'll be all right," she whispered to Verin.

Her cheek was still pulsing painfully, yet she let go of it and lowered her hand. It had been her own fault. She should've paid more attention on her surroundings.

"Can we continue?" Adeleas asked, sighing heavily like she was annoyed by Moiraine's accident.

"Maybe we should stop for a moment," Tomas suggested, exchanging a glance with his Aes Sedai. "My old bones would like to get out of the saddle for a while."

"That's an excellent idea," Verin said, smiling. "I guess, we all would like to stretch our legs. And I could use a cup of tea."

The Green Sister rolled her eyes but didn't protest. Instead, she, Lan, and Tomas turned their horses around to find a place to rest safely.

Finally, Moiraine dared to look at her Warder again. He had hesitated. She got hurt, but for the first time ever, he didn't come for her. Although it was exactly what she wanted, it hurt even more than her cheek.

"Warders. Aren't they interesting?"

Surprised, Moiraine noticed that Verin hadn't left her. The Brown Sister watched the rest of their group, tilting her head aside like she was studying them. Moiraine decided to stay silent. She wasn't sure what Verin expected of her to answer.

"They all serve the Aes Sedai. Swore an oath to protect their bondholder and would give their lives for us. Yet, each of them is different. It seems like the longer they are bonded to an Aes Sedai, the more they adapt to her quirks. Lan, for example. He refused a second healing, though he is clearly in pain." Suddenly, Verin faced Moiraine, and Moiraine could have sworn she saw a sparkle in her sister's eyes. "Stubborn, like his Aes Sedai."

The Cairhien woman forced her eyes on Lan's back. She knew exactly what Verin tried to tell her. "He is a fool. His wounds were worse than mine. He can barely sit upright on the horse."

"True. But he will survive." The Brown Sister grabbed her reins. "Maybe he will come to his senses once his Aes Sedai makes the first step and asks for a second healing for herself." Then she led her horse after her Warder.

A second healing. Slowly, Moiraine turned her right hand around to look at her fingers. She had noticed the sticky feeling but hadn't dared to look earlier. Her fingers were smeared with her blood. It wasn't much, but the stupid branch had left a bloody scratch on her cheek. The trip was getting worse by the minute!

Verin and Tomas took care of preparing a fire and a place to sit down comfortably while Adeleas kept running around, trying to help Lan. Moiraine stayed with Aldieb, giving her mare some carrots. Once she was certain no one would look after her, she went to the river, which lay shortly behind their camp. She had to clean that cut on her cheek.

Luckily, no one followed or stopped her. The Aes Sedai kneeled beside the riverbank, then cleaned her bloody fingers. The water was cold, but she didn't want to wait for one of her sisters to warm some water for her. It was already embarrassing enough that she had run into a tree!

Absentmindedly, Moiraine kept her hand in the water, watching how the cold liquid moved around her fingers and turned them numb.

Free like the water. It didn't have to think. It didn't want anything. It didn't have to do anything… It didn't have to be strong for anyone. The water was free to do whatever it liked. Moiraine wished she could be like the river.

Suddenly, something touched her injured cheek gently. Shocked, Moiraine winced and leaned aside. Her hand reached for her dagger, then she recognized Lan. How had the man sneaked up on her?!

"It's just me," the uncrowned king of Malkier explained calmly, holding up his hands in defense. He held a drenched piece of fabric in one hand. "You need to clean that up." He nodded at the cut on her cheek.

Moiraine was speechless. Earlier, he hadn't come to her when she injured herself, yet now, he was there – helping her. Why was he helping her again? Hadn't she hurt him by asking for Tomas' help with Aldieb? He couldn't have forgiven her already, could he?

Lan took her silence as confirmation to continue because he grabbed her chin and carefully cleaned the cut.

Blood and ashes! That man made her angry! What else did she have to do to push him away?! "I can do that myself!"

The Malkieri growled when she turned her head away. "Well, you're not very successful!" He snapped at her, then tightened his grip on her chin and continued with his task. "Now, hold still!"

Moiraine winced when Lan's actions became a little rougher. He wasn't hurting her – he would never do that – but he wasn't as gentle as before anymore. She was clearly tearing at his nerves with her behavior.

"Where has been your head?" There was still anger in Lan's voice, but he was clearly calmer. Maybe it was the fact that he could help her. Moiraine knew the man loved taking care of her. "It's unlike you to ride into a tree."

I have been thinking about you, you bloody idiot! But she couldn't tell him that. Lan couldn't know about her inner conflict and that he was constantly on her mind.

Instead of answering him, the woman of the Blue Ajah pushed his hand away to free her chin. "I'll be all right!" Yet, she took the fabric from him to continue with the cleaning.

The uncrowned king of Malkier hissed when her cold fingers touched his. When he reached for her hand, Moiraine leaned back. She couldn't allow him to care about her too much. Every time she allowed him to come close, she drew him closer again.

Lan's eyes darkened in anger when he saw her avoiding him, and his facial muscles moved like he was chewing on his rage.

"Why did you follow me last night?" Her Warder furrowed his forehead in confusion. Light, she had to break his wall! "Why did you follow me after I had left Tifan's Well?"

For a moment, there was pure rage in Lan's eyes. The Aes Sedai almost winced. That look was usually reserved for his enemies. Then, all of a sudden, she saw the complete opposite and nearly shivered from his cold stare.

"If you still don't know that after being bonded for 20 years, you don't deserve an answer."

Aching, Lan pushed himself back on his feet. Moiraine almost reached out for him when she saw how pale he turned and swayed. His hand was pressed against his chest, though there was no wound left – only the scar.

But before her body could react, the Malkieri pulled himself together. "Adeleas prepares tea… if our presence isn't below you, Aes Sedai."

Oh, Lan knew how to get revenge for her words and behavior. Moiraine wanted to strangle him every time he used her title instead of her name to address her. With burning eyes, she watched him leave, returning to the rest of their group. Insufferable man!

But Moiraine couldn't ignore the fact that he was still greatly in pain. Lan needed another healing!

Maybe he will come to his senses once his Aes Sedai makes the first step and asks for a second healing for herself.

Verin's words echoed in Moiraine's ears, and she gritted her teeth. She didn't like that the Brown Sister was right about the Malkieri. Lan wouldn't ask for another healing unless Moiraine jumped over her own shadow and allowed Verin to heal her completely.

Heavy-heartedly, the Aes Sedai watched her Warder carefully placing one foot in front of the other. She couldn't let him suffer. She couldn't heal him herself with the One Power but could at least help him by allowing her sisters to heal him. It's already enough that I'm hurting him with my words and behavior. He doesn't deserve to be additionally in physical pain.

Sighing, the woman of the Blue Ajah dropped her hands in her lap. Now, she had to think about a way how to battle her own demon. How should she overcome her inner reluctance to ask for help?

Pissed, Lan stared into the flames, his fingers playing with a small rock. Moiraine. That woman would be his death one day. Over and over again, she slapped him in the face with her harsh words, and every time, the Malkieri returned to her. Why was he doing that to himself?!

Because I love her. Simple as that. He couldn't stop caring about the Cairhien woman. She was his Aes Sedai – his family. He would always go after her. He would always forgive her every harsh word she threw at him.

Light, he just wanted everything to be normal again! Why couldn't they return to their relationship before she had been stilled? Was it really so hard for her to be close to him?

Of course, Lan understood that the entire situation was challenging for Moiraine. Blood and ashes! He hated every second he couldn't feel her! But he was still there! He was still with her, trying to hold together what was left of them.

But it looked like the Cairhien woman had given up on them. Was it really so easy for her to call their partnership off? Could she forget twenty years of traveling and fighting together just like that? Did those twenty years mean nothing to her?

"Do you want a cup of tea, Lan?"

Adeleas touched his leg gently to get his attention. The Green Sister had still not given up on him and refused to give him much room.

"If you don't mind."

He wasn't thirsty, if he was honest. But Adeleas wouldn't give up until she found something he accepted. Sighing, he put the stone down to take the cup.

"There you go," Adeleas said warmly, then put her hands over his. Lan flinched – his body automatically rejected her touch and the closeness – but the Green Sister acted like she hadn't noticed his reaction. She held on to his hands, soothingly moving her thumb over the back of his hand and smiling at him. "Is there anything else I can do for you? Do you want to eat something?"

You could accept that I'm not interested in you and stop following me. Instead of speaking his mind, Lan gave her a thankful smile. "I'm all right."

From the corner of his eye, the Warder noticed a movement. Moiraine returned to their camp with one hand on her belly. She didn't grimace, but Lan knew her well enough to see the little signs in her body. He noticed the tension in her facial muscles from gritting her teeth. The stiffness in her body from enduring the pain. And then there were her fingers, gripping her tunic as if it would help to hold on to the fabric. The woman of the Blue Ajah was still in pain.

Moiraine lifted her head, finding Lan's eyes immediately as if they were still bonded. But then her gaze lowered, and the Malkieri saw how she narrowed her eyes in anger. The tunic under her fingers creased when she tightened her grip, and Lan bet he would hear her teeth gritting should he stand beside her.

Sadly, her anger brought back Lan's. You don't like Adeleas taking care of me, Moiraine?! Then don't give her a chance to be around me! Show her I already have a wonderful and caring Aes Sedai by my side! Show her that I belong to you!

Of course, the stubborn woman didn't come over. Although he had known it, the uncrowned king of Malkier was disappointed. Couldn't she see his hope?

Suddenly, Adeleas cupped his cheek. This time, Lan couldn't hide his reaction. He leaned back, trying to get some distance between himself and the Green Sister. But Adeleas was persistent. She pulled his head back to her, mischief gleaming in her eyes when she leaned in on him.

In the last second, the Warder turned his head aside, presenting her his cheek. He shivered when her lips touched his skin. Blood and ashes! How could he make her stop?!

"You're a silly man, Lan Mandragoran," Adeleas whispered against his cheek.

"Adeleas, didn't you want to prepare our tea?"

Lan could've kissed Verin for saving him from her sister. At least someone was willing to save him from Adeleas' advances. The woman of the Brown Ajah had appeared beside Moiraine.

"The tea is ready to be poured, Verin." The Green Sister pouted at her sister.

"Wonderful. Would you be so kind as to pour me a cup?"

For a moment, it looked like Adeleas would decline, then rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. "Of course."

Pure rage shone in Moiraine's eyes while she watched Adeleas. Lan didn't understand it. At one moment, she pushed him away – acted like she didn't care about him anymore – yet looked like she wanted to kill the Green Sister for approaching the Malkieri. Lan wished his Aes Sedai would open her mouth. Usually, she wasn't one who held her tongue.

"It feels good to stretch the legs. Don't you agree, Moiraine?"

Verin indeed seemed like a peacemaker. The Brown Sister started babbling about the camp, the nature, and the beautiful weather, distracting her Blue Sister from Adeleas and her doings.

Lan ignored Verin's babbling. His focus lay on his bondholder. Verin's voice seemed to calm her, and he saw the rage fading from her eyes. Relief washed over him. At least the older sister was able to get through to his stubborn Aes Sedai – well, kind of. At the moment, the Warder wasn't sure if there was anyone who could get through to Moiraine.

And then Moiraine's expression changed again. It looked like she ignored Verin's babbling, just like Lan did. The Malkieri almost smiled. They both didn't like to talk much.

But then something strange happened. Moiraine's mouth moved like she wanted to say something, but no word crossed her lips. Confused, the uncrowned king of Malkier furrowed his forehead. What was going on with her?

"Would you mind giving me another healing, Verin?"

Everyone froze. The babbling of the Brown Sister died. Adeleas, who held Verin's steaming cup of tea in her hands and wanted to bring it to her sister, had stopped in her tracks with wide eyes and an open mouth.

And Lan… Lan wasn't sure he had understood his bondholder correctly. Had she really asked for another healing? Moiraine was terrible at asking for help. Yet, she had just done that in front of everyone so everyone could hear her – though she had spoken quickly like it was painful to get out those words. Or was he imagining things?

Suddenly, Verin smiled and looked mysteriously at the Cairhien woman as if she was in on a secret only the two women shared. "I wouldn't mind at all, dear sister. This is a fine place to stay for the night, don't you think?"

"You want to stay here?" Moiraine asked in confusion.

"Of course. Another healing will take both your and my strength. We won't be able to continue our ride."

For a moment, it looked like Moiraine wanted to protest, then something crossed her mind, and she looked at Lan from the corner of her eye before she sighed heavily. "Fine."

The uncrowned king of Malkier felt like a Trolloc army had run him over. Was he dreaming? Moiraine asked for help AND didn't argue to continue their journey?! What was going on? Was there something in the tea?

From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Adeleas staring at him intensely, as if she wanted to force him to ask for a second healing for himself. Annoyed, Lan sighed heavily. Now that Moiraine had asked for help, and it was clear they wouldn't continue today, it seemed like a good time to heal him completely. Sadly, the Green Sister was the only one available to heal him since Verin couldn't heal both Moiraine and the Malkieri.At least I could ride tomorrow without being constantly in pain.

"Adeleas Sedai?"

"Yes, Gaidin?" Blood and ashes! Her sweet voice almost made him bite his tongue. It was a stupid idea to ask that woman for help!

"Do you have enough strength left to give me a second healing?"

"I thought you never ask," Adeleas sighed dramatically. "Let me get this cup to Verin, and then I'm all yours."

Her words made Lan's blood boil, and he had to suppress the sudden instinct to run when she walked over to her sister. Had he really given that woman a reason to get close to him again? Lan Mandragoran, you're an idiot.

He couldn't say how much he wished Moiraine could heal him. His bondholder was gentle whenever she healed one of his injuries, and the Malkieri had never felt the urge to run from her.

Again, his eyes searched for Moiraine. The Cairhien woman watched him with sad eyes while her sisters talked about healing and the camp. What was she planning? Why had she asked for healing?

Finally, she lowered her head again as if she couldn't stand his gaze anymore, but Lan couldn't stop watching her. She hadn't done it for him, had she?

Hope grew in his heart, and he couldn't hold it back. She still cared about him – he knew it. What is your plan, Moiraine?

The next time, we will dive deeper into the beautiful campfire scene when Moiraine and Lan remember their first meeting.