Quote: "Ah. And that's when you knew, huh? Any old Warder can protect you from a Trolloc. But the right one, can protect you from yourself." (Adeleas)

Sighing, Moiraine went to the fire. She couldn't avoid her sisters, Lan, and Tomas forever. Yet, it made her sick when she heard them laughing while she wasn't in the mood to laugh. Why had they insisted on joining her? She hadn't been good company back in Tifan's Well, which hadn't changed on the road.

Lan had prepared a blanket for her to sit comfortably on the ground with her back against a rock. She noticed him shifting when she approached their little group but decided to ignore it. The Malkieri probably had kept an eye on her while she had been caught in her thoughts, pretending to stare at the White Tower. And now, he could finally relax.

"No, no, no, no, no. Do not underestimate him. Tomas, oh, he was delicious back in the day."

Moiraine almost groaned when she realized what Adeleas was talking about. Light, she chose the worst moment ever to return to the fire! Was the Green Sister always thinking about bedding men?

"But he chose our dear, sweet Verin."

Annoyed, Moiraine couldn't stop herself and turned her head toward the Brown Sister. How could Verin live with Adeleas? How was it possible that she kept her calm around that woman and hadn't strangled her sister by now? Well, it looked like Verin was annoyed by Adeleas. Although she was smiling, she raised her eyebrows like she wanted to say, 'Really, Adeleas? Do we have to talk about this again?'

But apparently, the Green Sister was simply drunk because she turned her attention back to Lan. "And that was the end of his sex life."

Moiraine wished someone would knock her out. There was no way she could stand that drunk, laughing woman longer than an hour before she would start throwing something at her. Where did she get the ale-?

"How about you two?" Well, light burned her! Apparently, that woman wasn't as drunk as she had wanted everyone to believe. "You've never told us the story of how you met."

The story of how she met Lan. Adeleas' words brought back memories Moiraine hadn't thought about for a while. There was only one person to who she had told the story of what had happened at her first meeting with Lan, and Siuan hadn't been able to stop laughing for quite a while. Although it was an embarrassing story for Moiraine, she liked to remember it.

"Come, sister. It's late, we should, um…"

"Mm." From the corner of her eye, Moiraine saw how the Green Sister waved at Verin. Adeleas liked to be informed and didn't mind pushing people to reveal their secrets. "It was in the Borderlands, wasn't it? Hmm?"

The woman of the Blue Ajah almost applauded. Adeleas had a fifty percent chance to choose Lan or Moiraine's home region. Of course, she chose the place Lan was coming from.

"You probably saw him prancing across the desert on a black steed, sword out, hair whipping in the wind-"

"It was outside Chachin." Blood and ashes! Adeleas' version had nothing to do with the reality! It sounded like it would come straight out of a romance novel where the beautiful princess saw the handsome, muscular knight on its horse. Moiraine couldn't listen to that nonsense any longer.

Sadly, now she couldn't turn back anymore. After giving Adeleas what she wanted, the Cairhien woman had drawn everyone's attention to herself. Burn Adeleas and her curious tongue. Light, the Aes Sedai could even feel her Warder's eyes on her. "I'd been following him on the road all day."

She saw the disbelief in Lan's eyes when their gazes met. The Malkieri knew she didn't like talking about their first meeting. Usually, she kept her entire life private. Only Lan and Siuan were included in the inner circle – being able to see the woman behind the wall. But now, she had to open herself up to Verin, Adeleas, and Tomas, who were waiting for her to continue.

Yet, Moiraine focused on Lan. It was still their story. She couldn't talk about it if she had to look at someone else. "He kept throwing glances back at me." Amusement glinted in Lan's eyes when he turned his face toward the fire. Apparently, he seemed to like thinking back at that moment. "I thought he was a Darkfriend."

"I thought she was a mercenary sent to kill me by my carneira."

Moiraine almost laughed. He had thought she followed him because she wanted to kill him? She would've been a terrible killer if she allowed him to see her following him all day.

"Carneira?" Tomas asked, curious. He obviously hadn't heard that term before.

His question brought some life into Verin. Eagerly, she straightened to inform her Warder about the Malkieri tradition. "Oh, in-in Malkier, older women take young men's virginity to, um, show them the ways of love."

Warily, Moiraine watched Lan. She was surprised he had spoken about his carneira. Usually, the man didn't like to be reminded of that time of his life. It had taken him years before he had explained to her what the burning of his hair outside of Chachin had meant.

"Mmm. This is getting good." Of course, Adeleas liked such a piece of information.

The Cairhien woman decided to move on quickly before anyone could ask too many questions about Lan's carneira. "I found him by a pond, meditating. His face was still, but so much raged beneath the surface."

Light, they had been so young back then! Moiraine remembered very well how she had tried to sneak up on the big, intimidating soldier. Never had she assumed that he had noticed her all along. That bloody man had tricked her.

"Meditation's never come easy for me," Lan admitted.

"Especially not when you're planning on killing an Aes Sedai."

After all those years, Moiraine was able to be amused by Lan's intention to kill her. Many people had tried to kill her over the years – as well as the Shadowspawn – but only the Malkieri had ever interested her enough to follow him instead of walking away.

"I didn't believe you were an Aes Sedai," the uncrowned king of Malkier immediately defended himself. His eyes sparkled in amusement when he faced his bondholder. "I'd always heard that they were old…."

His words didn't just make Moiraine smile. Moiraine heard Tomas chuckle, but her eyes were locked on her Warder. She was older than him, yet no one would believe she was older than Lan, thanks to the One Power. So, he hadn't thought of her as old?

"…cold and sour."

The Cairhien woman smiled softly at his tender words. She remembered very well how much he had hated Aes Sedai at the beginning, and he hadn't been amused when he found out about her being one of those 'old and cold' women. Yet, he had never let anything happen to her. He had protected her all the way to Chachin, and somehow, she had changed his opinion, so he agreed to her proposal.

"He'd left his sword sitting on a rock nearby." The rock appeared before Moiraine's eyes. While she spoke, she was thrown back into the past – reliving their first meeting like it happened moments ago. "But the moment my hand touched the scabbard, he'd crossed the ten yards, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, and tossed me in the water."

Her shriek echoed in the Aes Sedai's ears. She hadn't expected Lan's quick reaction or that he would give her an unwanted bath. The water had been cold as ice, and Moiraine had wanted to strangle him.

The uncrowned king of Malkier looked a little bit embarrassed. He never apologized to her for throwing her into the cold water. Was it possible he regretted his doing?

The laughter of their companions reached the Cairhien woman's ear, reminding her that she and Lan weren't alone. Light, she had told them their story! How could she forget herself like that and tell them everything?!

"You threw Moiraine Sedai into a pond?" It was apparent that Tomas was fighting hard to suppress his laughter.

"It's unwise to try separating a man from his sword."

While the others chuckled at Lan's words, Moiraine pulled herself back into her brain. She had made a mistake. After pushing Lan away for months, she had allowed a memory to break her wall and let him back in. And all because she couldn't stand Adeleas' romantic babbling any longer!

What should she do now? She couldn't take Lan with her to Cairhien. He had to go to Tar Valon to be with Nynaeve. But the stubborn man wouldn't let her out of his sight. Not after the Fade attack.

And the others weren't much better. Everyone seemed to have decided that Moiraine needed to be watched at all times. Whenever she stepped away momentarily, Moiraine felt their eyes on her back.

"Ah. And that's when you knew, huh?"

The Cairhien woman's eyes found the Green Sister when Adeleas spoke. There was a knowing glistening in her sister's eyes, which she didn't like.

"Any old Warder can protect you from a Trolloc. But the right one, can protect you from yourself."

Moiraine fought hard to keep a blank face and turned her face to the fire. Damn Adeleas and her curious nose! Why couldn't she shut up? Why did she have to encourage Lan? Now, it would be even harder to push him away.

The right one. Blood and ashes! As if she didn't know Lan was the perfect Warder! – The perfect man by her side! She loved him with all her heart!

And because she loved him so much, she couldn't let him die. The Malkieri had proven many times by now that he was willing to die for her. Light, he followed her into the night! – Not knowing where she was or what he should expect! And even when two Fades appeared, he didn't run for his life. He fought against them for as long as he could stand and hold a sword in his hands.

A cold shiver ran over Moiraine when she remembered the poisonous blades of the Fades cutting Lan over and over again. Unconsciously, she gritted her teeth. She had felt every cut in her bones like they were still bonded, though she hadn't been able to feel his actual pain.

She couldn't let that happen again. The uncrowned king of Malkier was a remarkable and talented Warder. Every Aes Sedai would feel lucky to have him by her side. But I can't give him to any Aes Sedai. There is only one woman who is worthy of Lan's protection. Even if she doesn't want to become an Aes Sedai after hearing he is free of me, he will protect her like he protected me. Maybe even more because he loves her with all his heart.

A stab of jealousy hit Moiraine. No matter how often she told herself it was the right path – that Lan and Nynaeve belonged to each other – she couldn't get rid of the jealousy darkening her heart.

Lan was her Warder for twenty years, and even though she tried to push him away and was cruel to him, she considered him hers. It pained her to imagine him with another woman.

Another cold shiver ran over Moiraine, but she couldn't suppress a slight tremble this time. The Aes Sedai missed her Warder's warmth. She wished he would put his arms around her and she could snuggle up against him. It had been such a long time since they had done that.

A movement caught her eye. Lan had left his spot sitting on the stone and kneeled beside her. When had he moved?!

Before the woman of the Blue Ajah could open her mouth, the Malkieri wrapped a blanket around her. Light, he must have seen her shivering. Was there anything that the man didn't notice?

When Lan moved her so he could wrap the blanket around her thoroughly, Moiraine placed her hand on his chest to push him off her. Blood and ashes! He was too close! If she didn't get some distance between them quickly, she would…

The uncrowned king of Malkier sighed heavily but didn't fight her. He leaned back, though he couldn't stop himself and pulled the blanket close so she was covered. "Dinner will be ready in a minute."

Moiraine grabbed Lan's hands. She could arrange the blanket herself to keep herself warm. "I can do that-"

Lan hissed when he felt the cold of her skin and interrupted the Cairhien woman's protest when he grabbed her hands instead. "Why didn't you say anything?!"

No word crossed the woman's lips. She wanted to tell him to let go – to stop warming up her cold fingers – but it felt so good. The Malkieri's treatment was rough, yet exactly what she needed.

"You need to be more careful, Moiraine. I can't feel-"They both winced at Lan's words, and the Warder needed a moment to continue. This time, his voice was softer and the touch of his hands gentler. "I need you to talk to me if you need anything. I can't read minds."

I can't protect you if I can't feel you.

A few months ago, Lan had told her that. Back then, he had meant her masking the bond, because she had intended to spend the night with Siuan – which she always did when she saw Siuan because she never had been cruel to leave the bond open.

Well, she had masked it again, but unlike the last time she had done it, the Cairhien woman couldn't undo it. This time, she had to live with the consequences forever. She would never feel Lan again. Whatever they had built in the past… it was gone.

Moiraine swallowed hard, then pulled her hand out of his. She didn't deserve his comfort and care. He should hate her for what she had done to him – what she had done to them.

"I'll be all right."

Her voice was quiet, and it was hard to look her Warder in the eye. He was obviously fighting down his anger.

Finally, Lan nodded. "I'll check if our dinner is ready."

The Cairhien woman grabbed the blanket to keep her hands from grabbing him. Let him go! Don't hold him back, selfish woman! You want him to see reason so he goes to Tar Valon instead of following you!

Yet, the Aes Sedai couldn't take her eyes off her Warder. She watched how he turned to the fire, helping Tomas to check on their dinner.

What else did she have to do to break him? When would it be enough for him to tolerate her any longer? She had been a terrible person for five months, but her behavior had simply made him angry. He still followed her and protected her – his anger forgotten.

Everyone has a breaking point. The problem is to figure out Lan's.

Moiraine couldn't tell him what she had planned. She couldn't tell him about Lanfear being lose. It would only ensure him to stay close to her. But I could tell him about Ishamael. I could tell him it hadn't been the Dark One who shielded me but a Forsaken.

It was terrifying to imagine that those monsters could walk among them again. But it probably won't be enough to scare off Lan. The man fights against Shadowspawn his entire life. Forsaken are the next worst creatures.

She needed a plan B. Something else that would put him off balance… like Rand's survival. The boy had begged her not to tell anyone, and she hadn't. But now, she had to use him to save Lan's life. Moiraine would use everything she had. Lan wouldn't die because of her!

But would the reveal of a secret be enough? Lan had lied for her to the Emond's Fielder. After they had returned from the Eye of the World, he had taken over to tell them about Rand's 'death', which meant he had lied to Nynaeve. Would he hate her for turning him into a liar? – Knowing very well what the Wisdom meant to him and how the young woman would react should she ever find out?

I guess it's better to have a plan C, just in case. Lan is headstrong, and I can't risk another day. We're close to Tar Valon. I have to leave tonight. Besides, Alanna should arrive soon to take over. Maksim and Ihvon should be able to handle Lan.

Alanna. Another plan formed inside Moiraine's head. She had written to the Green Sister to see Lan safely to the White Tower. Her sister knew about Moiraine's plan for Lan to become Nynaeve's Warder. If I poke Lan's ego – talking about his failure to protect me – it may be enough to give him the final stab and help him to go with Alanna and her Warders.

The uncrowned king of Malkier returned with a plate in his hands. He didn't say anything – simply crouched before his bondholder, presenting the filled plate to her.

Moiraine's fingers cramped around the blanket. She didn't want to take that plate. She didn't want to thank him for bringing her food. It would send the wrong sign.

Sadly, her stomach decided to inform Lan about her hunger and grumbled loudly when the smell of the crisp flesh filled her nose. Traitor!

A smile tugged at Lan's lips, and he held the plate closer to her nose.

Growling, Moiraine took the plate out of his hands. Blood and ashes! She couldn't resist the smell!

Suddenly, Lan's hand covered hers, pulling her eyes back on him. The love in his eyes tore at her heart. How could he still love her?!

The Warder rubbed his thumb comforting over the back of her hand, then let go before she could open her mouth. Clever man. He left before she could hurt him again.

Moiraine felt Verin's eyes on her and focused quickly on her plate. She had several plans for how to deal with the Malkieri. Now, she needed to think about how to escape without anyone stopping or following her.

The next time, we will discover what Moiraine has been thinking (and feeling) after leaving Lan behind with Alanna.

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