New chapter FINALLY, but 1st:
NOTES: Life is full of ups and downs and I guess I can say I had a lot of downs since new year, but also a lot of ups too. Besides the crazy life I have, I confess now I had some MAJOR writer's block. I couldn't write anything, I couldn't have ideas, I couldn't feel inspired. I struggled with it because I hate leaving u guys waiting, and I really wanted to keep on writing. So I decided to take some time for myself so maybe things would be back to normal naturally. And it worked.
I'm feeling a bit down with the cancellations and the fact that the Arrowverse is almost ending, we don't have cool crossovers anymore... but then, I remembered that's the magic of fanfiction. That's why we do this, to keep the magic going. To have fun with the possibilities we create and this community has been so supportive, it motivated me to feel inspired again.
I hope u guys like this one. More notes at the end.
72. Phantoms
He couldn't sleep.
It had been like this for the past week and the week before, and the one before.
Oliver Queen couldn't sleep and he was angry. His phone rang for the third time that night and it only made things worse. He sat on his bed and rubbed his eyes, taking a look at the screen and pressed the ignore button.
It was a call from Alex Danvers.
- "I told you I'm finding another way. I'll let you guys know when."
He typed on his phone and sent the message, not feeling like he could talk to anyone at the moment as he muted his phone, trying to lay down and get some sleep, but the scene from their last encounter kept popping up on his mind.
FLASHBACK
Oliver jumped from his bike, and adjusted his Green Arrow suit, thinking to himself many possible ways he could yell at those people as soon as he entered the Tower in National City.
- Oliver… - Lena started and Oliver never let her finish, feeling his anger grow.
- I told you this wasn't going to work.
- I know… - Alex said
- I told you and you all still went it with anyways. How could you let Lex Luthor send Kara to the Phantom Zone? HOW?
- Oliver calm down. We are just as angry as you are – J'onn said.
Oliver looked down as he took a deep breath and stared at team Supergirl once again.
- The guy tricked the book of destiny, the freaking Monitor in Crisis, he managed to replace that other Superman when you got stuck in the Vanishing Point. I DIED and came back to restore the multiverse, to give everyone a second chance, to make things right and the first thing you guys do is get tricked by Lex Luthor. With all the respect, you have no idea how angry I am now J'onn. I told you all this plan wasn't going to work, it was obvious he wasn't going to give you all the codes. And most importantly: I think we formed a team in the Hall of Justice to help each other… Why wasn't any of us warned about this?
- Oliver, everyone has their issues to deal with, we can't just keep asking for help every time a villain attacks the city – Brainy said
- A group of gods basically, tried to brainwash the ENTIRE world, meaning people in Star City, in Freeland, in Central City, in Metropolis, in Gotham would also suffer and you all thought you could handle this alone? And just let me, Clark, Ryan, Sara, Barry and Jeff know this before putting this risky plan into motion… I wonder why I'm so mad.
- We messed up – Nia said as she stopped in front of Oliver and crossed her arms – ok? We did. But now we need to bring Kara back. And we will.
- Did your plans involve a bunch of weird creatures flying around the city?
- Yeah, that was…
- A mistake? – Oliver asked. – I'm sorry if I'm being a bit rude, but when we restored the multiverse, this wasn't what we ALL promised each other. We made a pact. As soon as I came back from the dead we got together and made a back, that if the world was in danger, we would inform each other right away and deal with it together. You all failed to keep that promise. So yes, Kara will be back. But I'll find a way, and when I do, I'll let you guys know.
- How? I'm sorry Oliver, and I don't mean to offend you but… How will you, a vigilante, will bring Kara back? – Lena asked.
- Spectre. Ask your friends who that is, cause now I need to go. – Oliver turned around feeling angrier than before – I'll let you guys know – He said as he left the Tower, leaving everyone staring at each other in guilt.
- He's not wrong, you know? – J'onn said as she watched Oliver leave – I also have a seat in that table, I was there when we all made that pact. Kara told us about her talk to Oliver and how she reassured him things they didn't deliver.
Oliver remembered his conversation with Kara before she disappeared while he drove back to Star City. He remembered Kara told him about Leviathan's plan, about Lex satellites and their plan to stop him. She told him she was going to make a sacrifice to make sure everything went right and Oliver reminded her about the League's pact. Kara, stubborn and selfless as she was, told him she wasn't going to let other people risk their lives anymore.
Knowing she wasn't going to agree with him, he made her promise that if anything happened, her team would call him and the others for backup, Barry would be able to bring everyone in a second and Kara promised it, but her team never delivered, for whatever reason, so now, he would have to find a way to reach for Spectre powers and see if he could have better results than their team.
END OF FLASHBACK
Oliver got up and went to the bathroom, to wash his face with cold water. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and noticed a hooded figure behind him. He turned around and stared at the visitor in front of him.
- What took you so long?
- I've warned you, Oliver Queen, that coming back to life would have consequences…
- I know and I don't care. I couldn't just exist as a powerful being in another dimension while everyone else would be here, in this new universe, struggling and dealing with the consequences from Crisis. I never wanted to be powerful.
- Maybe that changed now? You know this is the last time I'll ever appear to you again, I've told you this when you got resurrected.
- I know. And no, it didn't change. I just need one thing. I need to know how I can find someone trapped in the Phantom Zone. I've been trying to find Kara. Her team screwed up so I've decided to use my last resource: You… And… I know, after I resurrected, I would have only one more opportunity to reach you, so here I am. For the past months I've been trying to summon you and now you're here, so let's do this. How can we find Kara?
- If your friend has been there for such a long time, it's possible you won't find her the way you used to remember her. That place is dangerous, the creatures that lives there, they can rip all of your hope, it can take everything good from you…
- Gladly, Kara has enough hope for the entire world. Now… – Oliver took a few steps closer to Spectre and looked straight into the creature's eyes. – tell me how we find Kara.
Alex, Nia, Kelly, Brainy, Lena and J'onn were at the Tower when they heard a noise coming from the elevator as its doors opened. Oliver Queen came inside in a rush and everyone stared curiously at him.
- I'm glad you are finally here… - Alex said as she crossed her arms.
- I'm sorry for the ignored calls, I was focusing on something…
- Oliver everyone here wants Kara back too. And I know the last time we talked things didn't go well… - Nia said – But we also recognize that you were right, we should have brought everyone in, cause it could have affected the entire world. So for that, we all are sorry.
- Thank you.
- And your sacrifice wasn't in vain. – Lena said – I've spoke to many people and apologized but never directly to you… I really thought I was doing something good, and I fell for my brother's manipulation and lies…
- I gotta be honest, for someone that got to remember how the world was, to know what happened in Crisis, I expected more from you, especially knowing you are Lex sister. – Oliver said – But deep down I understand. I also had to make some difficult choices and I also ended up trusting the wrong people in my life and that cost me a lot. I tried to make up for it as the multiverse got restored, so we all have a second chance, or a third… - He let a small smile form in his lips before he turned to everyone else – But, that's not why I'm here… I've made it!
- What… the…Oh My God! – Nia said as she covered her mouth with her both hands – You've made it.
- What? – Alex looked annoyed at Nia
- The Spectre. – Nia said
Everyone stared at Oliver with a mix of surprise and shock in their faces.
- So… you got it to show up… for the cast time… Oliver, are you sure? – J'onn asked
- J'onn, if there's any reason I would summon the Spectre, is to help those in my team…my friends.
- Ok, so how does it work? – Lena said feeling excitement
- You guys will have just one chance. It will be tricky, and also… I can't go with you. – He approached J'onn and used his index finger to tap his forehead, just like he did to Barry when he needed to go into the Speed force during Crisis.
- Thank you, Oliver – J'onn smiled while Oliver turned around to leave.
J'onn turned to his friends and explained how he had the exact location of Kara inside the Phantom Zone and how they would have to use the Tower as a ship to go there and rescue her.
Oliver went back home through a portal Spectre made it available for him, marking that as the last thing he would ever do to Oliver. Oliver walked into the Queen Mansion and went straight to his room. He felt anxious; he felt a bunch of mixed feelings inside of him, but he would have to trust he did the best he could and that his friends would succeed.
A FEW DAYS LATER
- CLOSE THE DOOR, CLOSE THE DOOR!
J'onn yelled as he held Kara and her father strongly and rushed with them inside the Tower and Nia pressed the button to close the ship.
As soon as Kara steeped inside the ship, she rushed to hug her sister, crying from happiness and making Alex cry too.
- Thank Rao! – Kara said – I thought… I thought…
- I know, but you're here… You're finally here!
Kara hugged everyone else, feeling so grateful and relived. She introduced her father to everyone and J'onn warned them they were approaching National City, so everyone went to their seats, to prepare for landing.
Alex and Lena spent the rest of the day making sure both Kara and her father were ok, putting them on solar lamps just to make sure.
- Hey… - Nia walked inside the med bay – How are you feeling?
- I'm fine now… Just really tired.
- Listen, we waited for you to be ok and rested to tell you… Oliver was the main responsible for your rescue.
- Oh… - Kara said, surprised – He must be really mad at me…
- At first he was furious with all of us, I mean, he was a bit mad because you insisted not to ask for the other heroes for help but he was even more furious at us… I'm sorry that we didn't warn him and the other in time as you promised him… But anyways… He spent months trying to do something and he managed it…
- I need to see him
Kara tried to smile and keep the focus on what Nia was telling her, but suddenly, she started feeling weird and decided to lay down a bit.
- I think you need some more rest… You can see him later, first, try to get some sleep ok?
- Ok… I guess…
Kara stood there alone, trying to get some sleep but that weird feeling wouldn't leave her. It was like she was still at the Phantom Zone, feeling the cold, the sadness, the phantoms around her, trying to destroy her. She blinked twice and saw herself again in her ship, Krypton exploding behind her, she getting trapped in the Phantom Zone for all those years.
Kara jumped from the bed, feeling the need to get some air. She stormed out of the Tower, flying as fast as she could. She flew for a minute or two and landed quickly.
She stared at the Queen Mansion in front of her, having no idea why her body brought her here, but feeling glad at the same time, because she truly needed to see Oliver and thank him… and also get away from the Tower for a while. She decided to just act normal and knock on his door.
- Kara? – Oliver looked at her and not thinking twice, hugging her. He felt her strong arms around her, pressing him a bit too much, but he didn't care. – They did it!
- You did it, as I've heard – Kara said – Oh, I'm sorry – She realized she was holding him way too tight.
Oliver let Kara in and closed the door behind her. She hugged him again, staying quiet for a while. Oliver noticed something was off, and hugged her back.
- I… I needed to talk to you.
- Ok.
- I'm sorry if I'm being weird… - Kara said, blushing as she noticed she was still hugging him, letting him go. – I just… Nevermind for now – Kara smiled and stared at him – Nia told me you did something that helped bringing me back…
- Yes. I spent a few months trying but he finally answered.
- Who?
- Spectre.
- Oliver, you didn't! – Kara got up and stared at him – No…
- It's ok. It was for a good cause. For a huge great cause.
- Oliver… That's was your last chance…
- I know. Listen, I know. – Oliver said as he got up as well, standing in front of Kara. – You remember the pact we did?
- Yes. Each of us promised that we would have each other's back no matter what, and that we also would, if we needed to, stop one another if we had to.
- Well, when I learned a bit late about what happened, and that no one else knew, I got furious. This was a worldwide threat. Lex Luthor is a worldwide threat, so I had to do something. I knew Legends were gone, God knows when and where and the others… when I tried to reach them, I couldn't. So I knew I had to use the only card I know it would work. And I'm glad I did it. I protect my team, and you are on my team Kara.
A few tears ran down Kara's cheeks, and she tried to clean them with her sleeve, smiling at Oliver.
- Thank you. – Kara hugged Oliver again and after a few seconds, started to feel weird again.
She let Oliver go and kneeled on the ground, her hands in her hair as she closed her eyes.
- Kara? What's wrong?
- I… - Kara tried to say but started feeling the desperation again; the images of the phantoms and everything else kept haunting her nonstop.
- Kara… listen to me… You're having a panic attack – Oliver whispered as he hugged Kara again, kneeling down on the floor with her. – Just hold me. I'm here.
Kara kept crying, hugging Oliver as strong as she could. He noticed she was shaking and he started to caress her hair, slowly.
- Let it go. Let it all go. The pain, the distress, everything that you've been holding back inside of you, let it all out.
And Kara did.
She felt like a wave of feelings was taking over her, and she cried and sobbed, her forehead on Oliver's shoulders. She felt him holding her, his hands caressing her back and she cried even more. She couldn't stop.
- The phantoms… the darkness… I felt that before and I must've locked inside my mind but everything came back as soon as I got there… I felt trapped, alone…
Kara used her super speed to wash and clean her face and came back in a second.
- I'm sorry I… - She started as she slowly walked from one side to the other. Oliver offered his hand for her to hold and she did it. He brought her closer, to sit by his side on his couch. He hugged her again, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. – Thank you… But… How did you know? – She stared at him, with curiosity in her eyes.
- I recognized the pattern – He lowered his eyes, remembering his own phantoms – I used to keep it all inside until one day, one of my enemies broke me. To the point I couldn't do anything, I could barely function. I've realized that I had so much darkness inside of me that it was eating me alive. And I've never shared this with anyone else but Diggle and Felicity. They were there to pick me up and not let me give up, to see I still had a purpose. I felt something similar with the way you looked at me before your panic attack. I feel like you have been holding back a lot, so much that it crawled to the surface.
- I do feel like I'm about to break…
- And is ok. Even the Girl of Steel needs to let it all out sometimes.
Kara smiled, thinking about it. The truth is that since she landed on Earth, she have been dealing with a lot of things and she felt like no one could actually understand it. Becoming Supergirl, made her feel like she could not fail, she had this responsibility and that the world was counting on her. But thinking about it now, who she could count with?
Yes, she had her team, she had friends, but they didn't get it. She saw her world exploding, she got stuck in space for 24 years, she was left with a family on Earth, she had to hide who she was, she lost many people, she was always finding family again and losing them right away, she found love and had to give up on that, she had to see everyone but her get their happy ending and now, she almost had an ending that was far away from happy. Kara stared at Oliver, appreciating his support. She had never stopped to think they had so much in common until he mentioned it 2 minutes ago. She felt for the 1st time since they met, that she could tell him anything and she had no idea why.
- Before, when we've met, we had a rough start… - Oliver said
- I guess you can say that, mister I don't trust easily.
- I had my reasons… - Oliver said
- I'm starting to see it… to actually see it… - Kara stared deeply into his eyes, making he look intrigued at her – I mean, I have x-ray vision and sometimes I don't actually stop to see people, you know? Not in an inappropriate way by the way…
- I know – Oliver laughed with Kara.
- I see the way you are… with people… But I've never actually seen it. Until today. I mean, you also lost people, you died… I mean not like Sara did one hundred times as you guys keep joking about, you sacrificed yourself so everyone else could have a second chance…
- Or a third in Lena's case – Oliver said, making Kara laugh
- Yes. – She stared down for a while – But the thing is… You have a unique perspective of things… So I'm feeling that I can really talk to you. And… the truth is, I'm tired.
Kara felt her heart racing. She knew it was about time she stopped hiding and keeping everything inside. She needed to face her phantoms, realistically and metaphorically. She adjusted herself on the couch, facing Oliver as he moved to face her too, standing really close.
- I'm tired of feeling alone. Being there, in the Phantom Zone, made me remember of Krypton, when it exploded and I was in my ship, watching it all as I was stuck there. 24 years. I was supposed to come here and take care of Kal, teach him about Krypton, he ended up teaching me about being a hero. I spent my life getting used to something, and having it taken away from me, I had to hide my entire life, afraid of what could happen if anyone knew about me. I had to lie to people I cared about, I had to balance everything in my life and I've always felt like I was the only one who couldn't take a break, have a day off. Cause the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I became Supergirl and there I was once again, following rules and protocols, being careful and being treated like I was this employee who could never make a mistake, cause everyone's lives depended on me. I've met Barry, and then you guys, my super friends and I started to feel like I was less alone, but I still had nowhere to run. I felt stuck.
Kara took a deep breath.
- I love my friends and my family, I do… And I'm grateful for everything they did for me, that they still do…
- But you are afraid of your fears and traumas end up defining who you are and somehow you'll end up stuck, not able to move on…
- Yes. Exactly that, word for word. – Kara was astonished. She had a feeling Oliver could understand her a bit but not that much.
- You're not alone, Kara. We all have our phantoms. Our nightmares. And I'm glad to hear you admitting all of it, because it means you see what's going on and you want to acknowledge it so you can end it… Lian Yu is my Phantom Zone. I never told anyone every single detail that happened to me those 5 years. I didn't spend them all there by the way, but it's a defining point in my life, that one that separates the old naïve selfish Oliver from whoever I am now. You see, our life experiences, as bad as they could be, shaped us into who we are now. You are just as flawed as I am, super powers or not, and its all part of the package. Of course my experiences are totally different than yours, but I guess is safe to say both of us have dealt with huge losses, a lot of traumas and big family issues. We channel it into our saving the world job, a never ending job that requires a lot and takes so much of us.
- Yes. And I love being Supergirl, I just don't know if I still love being Kara Danvers the reporter… I know I don't want to be Kara the left behind losing everything one. I see everyone in my life at some point where they are happy, finally conquering what they wanted, what they dreamed of. But me…
- You feel stuck….
- In the same place over and over again.
Kara and Oliver stared into each other's eyes in silence for a moment. They both could see the look of comprehension reflected back at them. It was a new sensation for Kara, but it felt good. It felt right, it felt like suddenly everything made sense.
- No one ever stopped to ask you…
- Is ok, I hated feeling like I was bothering someone with my issues… - Kara said in a low voice
- I'm not asking. No one ever stops to actually ask you. I'm affirming it.
- Oh…
- Is not their fault, like I've said once, everyone has their stuff to deal with. But being the leader of a team of heroes, it can be a lot. We have the weight of the world on our shoulders, as you've said. Yet, no one really asks us. Because it takes a perception that they don't have…
- Because they don't understand what's like, as much as they try to. – Kara finished, making Oliver smile at her.
- Exactly. – He reached for Kara's hand, and she intertwined her fingers with his, not really paying attention to what she was doing. She stared at their hands and blushed, letting his hand go. He smiled – I'm glad we have each other.
- Me too – She said barely in a whisper. She reached for his hands this time, slowly touching them, feeling the heat of his hands on hers.
Their eyes met again as they stood in silence, feeling the touch of each others hands. Kara felt some scars on the back of his hand and touched them slightly. Oliver just stood still, his body close to hers. She could hear the pace of his heart; hear the shift in his breathing. The tip of her finger slowly went a bit up, feeling more on his wrist.
- My scars can't be seen – She whispered
- The scars inside of us can be way worse than the ones we can see.
Kara looked down as his arms, her fingers still tracing his scars up in gentles touches.
- Tell me about them.
- They are not pretty stories…
Oliver felt Kara's body moving even closer to his, their noses almost touching.
- They made you who you are and to me… you're pretty – She gave him a soft smile and she could hear his heart jump strongly against his chest.
- I can't see yours, but you're beautiful – He reached for her right hand and gave a small kiss on her palm while staring deeply into her eyes.
That was the moment Kara lost all words. She felt like she was hypnotized by his stare, feeling his lips on the skin of her hand made her heart beat fast. She lowered her eyes and noticed a few scars on his neck. She touched the collar of his shirt with her left hand, slowing going for his skin.
- I want to know about them – Kara whispered as her right hand rested on his cheek, caressing it, going down his shoulders.
Oliver reached for the buttons of his shirt, slowly opening them one by one as more scars were revealed. One was really huge and replaced an old Bratva tattoo he had. Kara stared down his chest, while her fingers slightly traced the scars going from his torso, to his shoulders, down his abs.
- A few years ago I was tortured by a guy named Prometheus. He made sure I remembered it, by ripping my tattoo from my chest. The others are a collection from Hong Kong, Russia and Lian Yu. Torture, multiple fights…
- I can't imagine…. – Kara said as her eyes went back to meet his – I had no idea…
- I can't imagine yours… But I can understand - Oliver whispered back, still not able to take his eyes from hers.
Kara smiled, her fingers slowly caressing the skin of his chest. She reached for his shirt and held it open, making it slowly drop from his shoulders. She was moving automatically, like she was in some trance and she honestly didn't feel like waking up from it. Their faces came extremely closer, his lips barely touching hers.
- I'm so glad… - Kara whispered back at him, making her lips brush his once again and this time around, Oliver didn't hold back anymore.
Oliver fully kissed her lips, his hands slipping to her back as he held her strongly against him. Kara kissed him back with the same passion as their tongues tasted each other. In a single motion, Oliver rested his back against the back of the couch, bringing Kara with him, into his lap, never breaking the kiss apart. His hand grabbed her hair in the back of her neck as his lips kissed her cheeks, going down her neck. As they approached her ear, Kara felt a chill down her spine.
- Stay – he whispered to her ears between kisses down her neck
- Always – She whispered back, as she opened her eyes and stared at him with the same intensity he stared at her.
She didn't want to go anywhere else, anytime soon.
She was finally at home.
NOTES 2:
I'm currently unpredictable so I won't promise to finish all other stories right away. I'll just do what I did and take my time, wait for inspiration to come so: don't give up on me, it will take some time but it will be worth it. Also: as u guys know, I never abandon my stories, even if it takes forever for me to update, so stay tuned.
Until the next chapter.