Chapter 46/ Shane box
Why did I keep her Shane box in my home? Andrea was probably 16 years old when she collected this stuff.
But the better question was why she went through the trouble of keeping this box. She had Michonne go to her old apartment to ship the thing here. I had memorized the box enough to know what was inside and where she kept the damn thing.
I opened it one last time before I had Martinez toss it in the trash. Where this crap belonged, I thought. I saw so many pictures of them together, Shane's football jersey, their play program from Guys and Dolls, movie tickets to The Notebook, a golden heart locket with the letter S engraved on it, a mixed CD he burned for her which had several Mariah Carey songs on it, and all of his love letters to her. There looked to be about twenty of them. I opened one of them; it had been a while since I read any of these stupid letters.
Andrea,
I told Rick you wouldn't speak to me. He thinks you are nervous because of my reputation. Yes, I have slept with a dozen girls. I even had sex with someone else last night, but that doesn't change the fact that I love you. Only you.
I admit, at first, I wasn't sure about this relationship. Could I really fall in love? But that September night, when I kissed you on the ferris wheel with that George Strait song playing in the background, I knew.
I knew I loved you, and I always would. I want more than anything for you to give me another chance.
I know I don't deserve you. But my heart is broken. I promise if you give me one more chance, I will never be with anyone else again. I'll be with you every birthday, every Christmas, and yes, Valentine's Day too. You are my world. And I believe in my heart that somehow we will get back together. No one will ever compare to your first true love. And you are mine.
Truly,
Shane Emerson Walsh
And that's where she came up with our daughter's name, I think, tearing up the letter. I knew I had remembered the name from somewhere before. I threw the torn letter in the box. Should I really be concerned? She hasn't seen him in four years. Mom says Sasha and Shane are completely happy in Atlanta, Georgia, raising Bella and co-parenting Judith with Rick and Lori. Looking at pictures of them online, they look hopelessly in love.
Perhaps it's just a coincidence. She loves the name and isn't thinking about Shane at all. She could have seen the name in a baby book or heard it on a movie. I knew I couldn't admit to reading these letters. I didn't want to put my marriage in a fragile state again. After moving Andrea to Memphis without asking, pressuring her for sex early in the relationship, and having a huge argument before Eliza's birth, she already felt like I was gaslighting her.
Andrea is having the baby, and I would have to accept whatever name she picks. She could name her Shana, and at this point, I'd have to go with it.
I wanted control in my marriage, but sometimes you have to pick your battles. It would be better to let her use Shane's middle name for our daughter than start a huge argument. She is so close to quitting her job and becoming completely dependent on me. That would give me the upper hand in this marriage again. I was very concerned that finishing law school would change her. She might become successful and wealthy, leaving me behind. Would she reconnect with Shane or someone else?
"Martinez, burn this box. I don't ever want to see it again," I said once he came into the room.
"Yes, sir," he says, removing the damn Shane box from my sight. Perhaps after Emma is born, I will move us away again. Maybe to Florida. Andrea wouldn't have any connections there like she did here in Memphis. Or even New York.
I knew Andrea wouldn't be happy about the move, but I would do whatever I could to keep her under my control. She is happier that way. We both knew she needed me to take care of her and Elza. After seeing her sister's dead body, Andrea would never be the same. Which I knew held her back in her legal career. She still has panic attacks and wasn't functioning properly.