Learning to Trust

"Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies."
一Erich Fromm

Chapter 19: Suffering and Effort

"Your oxygen level is low一that's why you have that headache一and I still don't like the way your lungs sound." Recovery Girl stood over Toshinori, as best she could, glaring at him in a way that clearly announced that he would not be getting out of daily visits any time soon.

He grimaced at her in an exaggerated way. "I'm probably breathing oddly because you're shoving an ice-cold stethoscope into my ribcage. Also, I only have one lung."

She sighed in exasperation and hobbled away to grab something from her desk, announcing as she went, "Well, other than your damaged lung not responding well to your idiocy, the rest of you seems to be recovering as well as can be expected. Try to avoid any strenuous activity. No transforming at all. If the humidity is out of range for you, don't come to the school. Keep using your supplemental oxygen. Understood?"

Toshi's tired smile barely twitched his lips, "Yes, ma'am. For how long?"

She turned back toward him and leaned against her cane, studying the frail man sitting before her carefully. "Honestly? I'm not sure. You're not a young man anymore, All Might. And this injury is aging you far more rapidly than it should, whether you like it or not. It isn't just your quirk's strength that's fading, you know." His expression was stone, and after a moment, she relented, responding simply, "I would say at least one to two more weeks at best."

He nodded, absently rubbing a thumb over a faded scar on his knuckle. "I'm not surprised," he responded in a muted voice. "It took weeks for me to recover fully the last time I was sick." He met her eyes and smiled gently at her. "But I promise that I'm trying to follow your directions. I've only transformed once when I had no choice, and I'm limiting physical exertion."

"And you're using the oxygen regularly?" she asked, eyes narrowing. "Because I don't see it with you right now."

His eyes dropped back to his hands, and he studied them with more intensity than he had in his entire life.

"Well?"

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Well, the humidity wasn't too bad today…"

She glared at him. "It wasn't optional. You're supposed to use it every day. We talked about this. You said you had some portable oxygen canisters. Have you been using them at all?"

"Sure I am…" He glanced away, running his hand through his shaggy blond hair, his face reddening. "...When I sleep."

She glared at him with such ferocity that he flinched. "You need it until you're fully recovered. But if you keep refusing to use it now, you're going to destroy what respiratory function you have left, and you'll wind up having to use it permanently."

"We both know that no matter what I do, I'm eventually going to need it permanently. I'd rather not start now unless I have to."

"You do have to, All Might. At least until you've recovered. Your body can't handle the strain."

He clenched his fists, defensively replying, "Look, I'm taking it easy. I'm staying inside as much as possible, and I'm carrying my inhaler. If I need the oxygen, I'll use it." A tired bitterness had crept into his voice.

"You're worse than the students at not following directions, boy," she blustered, her voice angry and frustrated. "You know that, right?"

"I一"

"Who are you showing off to? Who do you think is going to care if they see you using an oxygen tank?"

"There are people here who know who I am," he replied quietly, seeming to fade with those words.

"So? If they'd rather see you die than take care of yourself, then they don't belong at a hero school." She caught his eye, her expression softening, even as her voice raised. "You're the only one who cares, All Might. And if I am wrong, I will personally have words with anyone who makes a fuss. This is ridiculous!"

Toshinori brought his finger to his lips. "Could you please lower your voice?" he hissed. "I just don't want to use it in public unless I need it, but there's a tank in my office. I'll use it when I'm there. I promise you, I'm trying to follow your directions as much as possible. I've been eating regularly, and I haven't skipped any of my medications, except the oxygen. What more do you want of me?"

Toshinori visibly flinched when she sent him a sour glare and pulled back, her brows drawn together in concern.

Recovery Girl finally lowered her voice as he'd requested. "Eventually people are going to have to find out what's happened to you. You're only dragging out the inevitable with this charade. And what's the point? So you can be a Symbol for a couple more years?" She approached him again. Even seated, he was nearly a head taller than her, but somehow she was still frightfully intimidating as she puffed up at him. "Did it ever occur to you, boy, that the death Nighteye foresaw might be a result of you fighting villain after villain with no rest until your body wears down so badly that you no longer have a chance of winning?"

He coughed but said nothing, swiping at his mouth absently.

The old woman caught up his other hand in a surprisingly gentle grip. "I want you to outlive that fool of a sidekick's prophecy. That's what I really want. Can you at least try to do that for me, Toshinori?"

He finally met her dark gaze with his haunted blue eyes. A tired smile curved his lips. "No one can change their future once Nighteye's seen it," he replied simply, his voice worn and faded. "But I'll try not to fall apart too badly until then, okay?" He moved one of his large hands to hold her tiny one in his grasp. "Thank you for worrying, Recovery Girl. You're right of course. I know I'm struggling to breathe. But I'm only going to be here a short while longer if all goes well. When I get back to Minato, All Might will take another short vacation, and I promise I'll rest with my oxygen until I'm healed up."

She huffed at him. "I suppose that's the best you'll agree to. You're seeing me every day until then so I can monitor you. And I want you at very least to start regularly using your oxygen in the office as well as at home until then."

"Of course."

She stuck her finger in his face. "And if your levels don't go up by tomorrow, I'm admitting you back to the hospital wing to care for you, myself."

His smile grew a bit more, and he squeezed her hand before finally releasing it. "Yes. I understand."

The old woman just shook her head and then pulled a battered All Might Pez dispenser out of her lab coat pocket, attempting to drop a few candies into his hand only for nothing to come out. She shook it a few times before it unjammed and finally released a couple of candies. "Here," she murmured. "Have some of these before you go."

He studied the plastic dispenser, and whistled in appreciation. "That's an old one, Recovery Girl. They stopped making the Bronze Age line years ago." He smiled warmly, locking eyes with her. "You need a replacement though. It's cracked on the side. That's why the candy sticks."

"There's nothing wrong with it," she replied, pulling the dispenser away. I've used it for ages. It's fine."

"It's broken." Toshi smiled. "Just throw it out. Once those things break, they're useless. I'll get you a new one. I might even be able to find another just like that one somewhere at the office." His smile spread to a grin. "Anyway, I owe you for all the extra work you're putting in taking care of me."

"I like this one. You just worry about taking care of yourself, and leave my trinkets alone!" she retorted in a stubborn voice, smacking him lightly as he stood. "I'll see you tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Now, shoo!"

He chuckled at that, shaking his head. "Yes, ma'am." Grinning warmly, he walked out the door as she gently placed the dispenser safely back on her shelf.

Toshinori had just stepped outside when his phone began to buzz. He tugged it out of his pocket and glanced down at the contact. Naomasa.

The lean man glanced around to see if anyone was in earshot before answering the phone. No one seemed to be in the vicinity. Unless someone had an amplification quirk, it should be fine. He brought the phone to his ear, a grin already splitting his face.

"Naomasa!" He flushed a little at the poorly hidden excitement in his voice. "How are you?"

His friend chuckled on the other end. "About the same as I was when we talked yesterday."

"Ahhh, right…" Toshi rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry." He began walking away from the building toward a bench a little off the beaten track. "I've been so busy dealing with Nezu's paperwork and everything that's been going on with this case that I guess I've started losing track of time."

"Don't worry about it. You texted me earlier about needing some information on quirks? Is this school related or did you need some information from the case, because I think we forwarded most of those files to your agency already… Oh, hold on a second."

Toshinori could hear Naomasa quietly talking to someone on his end of the line as Toshi finally arrived at the sleek metal bench and eased himself down, wincing a bit at the cold metal. Summer couldn't come soon enough, humidity be damned. Although he had to admit that Musutafu in the spring was a beautiful sight. The cherry blossoms would be blooming soon, and even though the air was still cold, there was such a warm glow to things now that it seemed like the sun was intent on making everything right with the world.

Toshi leaned back, enjoying the day for a few minutes until his friend finally managed to get back on the line. "Sorry, Toshi," Naomasa replied, his voice strained. "Things have been crazy here. We've probably had a dozen villain attacks this week, and most of them happened in the last twenty-four hours. Plus we've been short-staffed since the last attack hospitalized three of our detectives."

His friend's exhaustion was palpable, and Toshinori sat up at that. "Detectives from your division? Are you okay, Tsukauchi? Should I be worried?"

There was a short pause, and then a surprised laugh. "Worried? No! I'm fine. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. No one was seriously injured, but they won't be active for a few days, so we all have some extra work. Relax."

"Why didn't you tell me? I've told you that if things get dangerous with villains, you can let me know. I could一"

"And I've told you that it's a conflict of interests if I personally call you in. I'm not doing that unless we can't handle it and lives are on the line. There were heroes there. We had it covered." He paused before continuing. "Anyway, do you actually think I'm going to let you come and take down villains when you're recovering from pneumonia? What kind of friend do you think I am?"

Toshi cursed softly under his breath, absently responding, "Right. I forgot. I'm probably going to be useless for another couple weeks."

"You're never useless, Toshi," Naomasa responded, sounding exasperated. "You're just human, like the rest of us." He cleared his throat. "So tell me, what did you need to know about quirks?"

Toshinori winced at the pang of guilt that lanced through him. What kind of friend was he to make Naomasa go through all of this extra research when he had his own issues to deal with? Sure, he hadn't known about the villain attacks, but that was no excuse. "No, forget it. I'm sorry. You're clearly busy. This can wait. I'll just contact my agency and一"

"And get blown off by them again?" Tsukauchi replied dryly. "I've watched you try to talk with your employees, remember? It's painful. The only people who actually listen to you there are the ones in the coffee shop. Anyway, I'm not too busy to talk to you. If I was, I'd have let you go to voicemail."

Toshinori smiled faintly. "You almost never let me go to voicemail."

"There's a reason for that, Toshi."

He had no idea what to say, so he simply replied, "It's not a big deal anyway. I just wondered if you had any idea what quirks Shifter's victims have. Present Mic had a thought that Shifter may be kidnapping them in order to use their quirks whenever he wants." He paused before adding, "Especially if he's doing something that lets him use those quirks in combination. It could be a way of giving himself the benefits of a quirk marriage."

"Maybe. It would explain why we haven't found any of the victims. Generally by now we'd have discovered something… I'll get you that information. Email okay?"

"Yeah." Toshinori winced as another request popped into his mind. "Hey, Tsukauchi… Can I ask one more favor? Tell me if you don't have time for it. I can just look into it my一"

"Spit it out, Toshi. What do you need?"

The older man sighed, reaching up to brush one of his long bangs back. "Right. It should be a quick thing. Could you just put out your feelers for an additional missing person? Probably not related to this case. Surname Mizutani. She would have disappeared shortly before the start of the school year, back when I was still getting over that last hospital stay. Her husband filed a report through the police and my agency, but apparently none of us were very helpful." He couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice.

"It's not your fault, Toshi. You can't fix everything. I take it this one is personal?"

"Kid lost his mum before school started. His dad is one of my employees. One of the ones I don't really know."

"So not a barista?"

"Funny," Toshi replied dryly. "No one has any leads. I figured we're already digging through missing person files…"

"... So what's one more… No, I'm with you. Shouldn't be too hard to at least flag the name. So surname Mizutani? What's the personal name?"

"I'm… not sure."

"That would be helpful information, Toshi. I'll go back to get the dates you were out, but if you can get me a more exact date that would help, too. Where did she go missing from?"

"I… could ask..." At Naomasa's silence, Toshnori groaned. "Sorry. I never even thought of asking for the details. Wasn't going to bother you with it, but I'm not sure I've got the time to personally look into it."

"I'm glad you're actually asking me just instead of doing it yourself." Naomasa sighed good-naturedly. "Tell you what... I'll run a search on the surname for any calls that went out, and flag the name in our system to send me an alert if it gets pinged. You gather some more details for me一preferably a full name, date and location she was last seen, physical description, quirk… the usual一and then I'll see what I can come up with. Probably better this way anyway. It'll give me some time to dig out that other quirk information for you."

Toshi smiled and rubbed his coarse hair between his fingers, tugging absently. "Thanks. And if you don't have time to look up those quirks, it's fine. After I texted you, I thought to ask my agency to dig it up, so don't feel like you have to一"

"I'll send it to you before the end of the day, just like I said. Even if your workers do send it, who knows how complete it will be?" At Toshinori's sputtering, he continued, "You know I'm right. You waste half of your time and energy cleaning up after them. I'm starting to think it would be less strain for you to run the entire agency by yourself, which I am not, for the record, actually suggesting you do. But if you're going to take that UA job, you're going to need to do some major housekeeping first… Hang on." He was gone for a moment, talking again, but this time returned quickly. "Look, Toshi, I'm sorry, but I've got to go now. I'll get those files to you soon. Take it easy and don't hesitate to call if you need anything else."

Toshinori chuckled at that. "You mean like you call me when you need help?"

"Apples and oranges," Naomasa laughed. "You know, for being a representative of truth and goodness, you can be a real ass sometimes. Just let me know if you need something else. I'm always here, okay?"

"Sure… and thanks for the help. I mean it."

"Any time. Hey, and Toshi?"

"Yeah?"

Toshinori thought he could hear a smile in the man's voice as it dropped in volume. "Thank you... for asking. I've got to go now. I'll talk to you soon." With those words, the line went dead.

Toshinori sat a moment in the dappled late morning sunshine after they hung up staring at his phone, surprised by how much easier it had been to just ask his friend to help than he'd expected. Still a little voice in the back of his mind piped up, He has so much he needs to do, though, you really shouldn't have bothered him... His brow furrowed. But at the same time, Naomasa had sounded pleased to be asked. Like Toshinori's burden was something he wanted to share…

He shook his head. Ridiculous. You need to ask Recovery Girl what she's putting in that medication she gave you. It's scrambling your head.

Still, he smiled as a cool breeze blew by just then, tugging his blond hair back out of his loose grip. He stood, twisting a bit to loosen his stiff back, wincing as he felt it click into place, and then tucked the phone into his pocket as he took the winding path toward one of the main sidewalks. He could see some students and a few teachers milling about in the distance now. Clearly classes had ended for a break.

He began walking toward the building where his temporary office was located. He hadn't even made it to the main sidewalk before he had to stop and lean against a lamp post, his chest heaving and lung burning from overexertion. He coughed a few times into his elbow, hoping to clear some of the heaviness in his lung, but all it did was bring a bad taste to his mouth and make his head feel like a spike was being driven into it. His heart was hammering in his chest, causing him to suddenly gasp a bit irregularly. He coughed again, this time bringing up some blood. Leaning against the pole, he tugged a handkerchief out and surreptitiously wiped the blood from his face and the fabric of his coat. Then, tucking it back into his pocket, he rubbed his large hand over his eyes, massaging his temples and breathing slowly until his heart rate steadied.

Had he remembered all of his medication that morning? He was sure he had.

So maybe Recovery Girl was right. He probably should be using his oxygen.

Dammit.

"Hey, there, are you all right?" a voice asked from behind just as a heavy hand rested on his arm to help steady him. It wasn't until that moment that Toshi realized he had gotten a bit lightheaded and had swayed a bit.

Toshi glanced over to the left to see a short, slim man with a strange yellow helmet supporting him. The fingers gripping his arm were stiff and cold. Iron Claws. It had to be Maijima Higari: Power Loader… Toshinori vaguely recognized him and his quirk from the staff listing he'd looked over prior to coming to the school.

The smaller man, a full two feet shorter than Toshi, looked up at him, asking again, "Are you okay? You looked like you were about to tip over. Maybe you should sit down."

Toshi turned and coughed again一one small, lighter cough一before managing a small smile. "Oh, I'm all right. I think I just stood up too fast. Wound up light-headed. That's all."

The other man didn't look convinced, but released Toshinori's arm as Toshi straightened, giving himself as much a semblance of health as he could, all things considered. Power Loader's unnerving stare was followed up by a quiet, "Well, where are you off to? I've got a break now, so I'll walk with you at least. I'd feel bad if you got to feeling lightheaded again before you made it there." The man hadn't budged, and Toshi had a feeling that this wasn't a point worth arguing.

He sighed and finally nodded. "All right. I was just on my way to my office near the main building. I hope it isn't too far out of your way."

"Nope. Right on my way, actually. I was planning on grabbing a bite to eat before heading back to the support lab." They began walking, Toshinori slowing his walk to match the significantly shorter stride of the Support Course Administrator.

From his height, it was nearly impossible for Toshi to see the expression of the shorter man in his huge, yellow helmet, but Toshi got the distinct impression that Power Loader was monitoring him, probably to make sure he didn't collapse. As annoyed as Toshi was to be hovered over as though he were helpless, he honestly couldn't blame the man. He cleared his voice, trying to come up with something functional to say to break the awkward silence.

Power Loader beat him to it. "You're Yagi-san, right? One of All Might's men?"

Toshi coughed a bit in surprise before replying, "Yeah. I thought Nezu only briefed the Hero Course teachers about me. I didn't realize the principal had announced my presence to the entire staff, though I guess it makes sense…"

"He didn't." Power Loader's voice was firm and abrupt, but not unkind. "I'm Maijima Higari… Power Loader." He turned to look up at Toshi again. "But I'm guessing you already knew that. You seem to be the type to have picked up most of the comings and goings by now."

Toshinori tensed, uncertain where this was leading. "What makes you say that, Maijima-san?"

Maijima just shrugged. "I listen. I watch. And people have been talking. You're not exactly one to blend into a crowd, you know. The kids have been trying to figure out who you are since you first stepped foot on campus." He chuckled softly. "And now that you've been involved in two combat situations, the staff's gotten interested as well."

"Ahhh…" Toshi' brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, wincing a bit. "Really, those were nothing. Wrong place at the wrong time, you know…"

Maijima didn't bite. "Doesn't matter why you were there," he replied matter-of-factly. "What matters is that both times the people you were with got out safe. I'd normally just assume it was the skill of the heroes present, except that when you saved those students from Mizutani-kun's support item, there was no one there to help you besides the students themselves."

"I really didn't do much."

"Hmmm…" Maijima murmured. "I didn't expect you to be so modest about it." He shrugged, finally cracking a grin. "I guess I just assumed everyone at All Might's agency would be as brazen as he is. I heard about what happened from Cementoss. He was impressed by your response."

Toshi sighed, "He's probably just exaggerating. All I did was shove a kid out of the way and get myself cut up in the process."

The smile didn't fade from Maijima's lips. "Cementoss doesn't exaggerate," he replied simply. "Mizutani-kun, on the other hand, can embellish when he gets excited, but after hearing the same story from him at least sixteen times, I've managed to piece together the details that seem most consistent, and it's still a pretty impressive image."

Toshinori had begun wheezing again from the long walk, so Maijima stopped walking, stepping toward a bench. "Have a seat. There's no reason to rush."

"I'm fine."

"You're recovering from pneumonia." Power Loader replied simply. "Midnight's been fussing about it in the teacher's lounge, and Eraserhead spent a week giving her updates from the hospital wing. Now sit." He tilted his head to the side as Toshi reluctantly sat on the bench, now rendered wide-eyed and speechless. Maijima dropped down beside him. "Do you actually not realize the stir you've made at UA?"

The older man grimaced, tugging his inhaler out of his pocket. After taking a rescue puff, waiting to see if it would help ease the tightness in his chest, and then taking another, he put the inhaler away. "I was really trying not to draw too much attention to myself," he responded sheepishly, his voice still weak and wheezy.

Maijima burst out laughing at that. "Well, you did a lousy job." He grinned. "If it makes you feel any better, it's all good stuff that people are saying. In fact, you had me pretty enamored of you just by the way you seem to have snapped Mizutani-kun into action." He shook his head. "That boy is skilled, but he was a loose cannon. Didn't listen to anyone. Just did his own thing. Now, all of a sudden he's asking me for advice on his projects and actually listening to the response."

Toshi smiled a little. "He's a good kid. And he knows a good teacher when he sees one. You should be proud."

Power loader shook his head, grinning. "You're kidding, right? The kid's only listening to me because you told him to. He listed all of the problems you identified with his tech and requested help with adding a blanket taser. He's suddenly a model student. I'd love to take credit for it, but the only thing that has changed in the past few weeks was that he had a conversation with you."

Toshinori sighed. "And he almost killed a couple kids with that device of his."

Maijima shook his head. "I'd like to say that's new, but he was already suspended from the lab twice for the same reason in the first semester. Nothing this extreme, but bad enough that we were afraid something like this might happen. He didn't know it, but if he hadn't changed his tune this time like he did, he would have been out of my lab permanently. The kid is brilliant, but he's a dangerous kind of brilliant when he won't listen to anyone, and until recently he acted like he had to do everything by himself. Something you said must have helped him finally understand that even prodigies need to ask for help. So if anyone's getting the credit for being a good teacher一or at least a good role model一it's you." He dropped a hand on Toshi's shoulder, causing the frail man to jump a bit. "I'm honestly glad I ran into you today. I've been meaning to hunt you down and touch base with you about him. To thank you for whatever you said to him. But it seemed like every time I was looking for you, you were in the hospital for some reason or another."

Toshi just smiled weakly. "I… It's nothing. He just needed someone to talk to. It sounds like he's had a rough year…" Then he suddenly remembered the fact that he needed to talk to the boy to get some details for Naomasa. Head snapping up, he asked, "You don't happen to know where young Tetsuya would be right now, do you? I promised him I'd look into something for him, and I realized he didn't actually give me enough information to do so."

"Hmmm…" Maijima scratched at his jaw thoughtfully. "Well, support student class schedules are the reverse of the Hero Course students, so we finish most of our field work by lunch and have general classes in the afternoon. He would have art history, math, and English this afternoon if memory serves… Pretty sure it's Yamada-san's class after lunch. The kid generally is complaining about English by the end of our lab."

Toshinori's brows drew together as he stiffly stood. "English, hmm…? That might work..."

Power Loader stood beside him. "What do you mean?" he asked, puzzlement clear in his voice.

But Toshinori was too caught up in his thoughts to notice, a small smile twitching his lips. Well, Yamada… I may need to take you up on that team teaching suggestion after all…

Author's Note: Sorry about the very long delay on this chapter! First of all, I have been having a rougher past month, which made writing hard! Second, I teach, so I've spent much of my time getting ready for school, and my class load changed in the past two weeks. Third, suddenly in early August my eyes decided that I am old now and they could not handle looking at a screen for more than a couple hours at a time before I got headaches. So my computer time became very limited and had to be split between work, communication, writing, and reading. But I finally have my new glasses, school has started, so that's two improvements. Hopefully updates will be happening more regularly again. Again... my sincerest apologies.

Thank you so so so much to Haptronym for betaing this chapter repeatedly and motivating me to actually write it. Without Hap, it would have been thrown out and soundly deleted by now! Thank you also to lolo popoki for her beta work as well, especially since I tend to throw these chapters at her at the last minute and she hasn't even watched the series yet! Finally thanks to all of you for all of your patience and for reading (and commenting). I appreciate all of you!

Sincerely,
Sirius:)