Learning to Trust

"And, after all, what is a lie? 'It's but the truth in masquerade."
一Lord Byron

Chapter 24: Truth in Masquerade

Before Nezu and Midnight had even fully re-entered the office, Yamada had already made up his mind. Judging by Aizawa's cold demeanor, the conversation had gone south. All Might had Midnight and Nezu to help him through whatever had blown up in there, but someone needed to talk to Aizawa.

He allowed the door to gently shut behind him, and he strode off to where he knew he'd find Eraserhead. It didn't take him long to reach the door to the emergency stairwell at the end of the hall. He opened the door and entered, hopping over the chain blocking the stairs that lead from the top floor offices to the roof access. He cracked the heavy metal door open, and stepped outside, shading his eyes from the sun.

At first he was blinded, unable to see much of anything as the door clicked shut behind him. A cool, damp breeze blew across the rooftop, reminding Yamada of other days he'd spent with his friend on a similar rooftop. His brows drew together thoughtfully, as he blinked a few times in the bright light. Finally, he saw what he was looking for.

Aizawa stood, leaning against the railing on the western edge of the roof, staring out over the campus at the vibrant blue sky. The sun was lowering, casting shadows and giving everything a vaguely golden glow. Generally it would be a dazzling sight, but Yamada was unable to enjoy it, struck by Aizawa's closed-off posture. The man was already one of the most taciturn people Yamada knew, but now, something about the way he stood made him seem almost like a silent shadow.

Yamada approached his friend, leaning on the railing beside him and saying nothing. Both stood in silence for a few minutes, staring off into the distance, each lost in his own thoughts. Yamada watched the students and staff far below, moving about their day-to-day lives–oblivious to the chaos outside of their own small circles. He knew that the kids were screaming loudly down there. Laughing and joking and moaning about grades and tests and plans for the upcoming weekend. Staff were likely chastising them or joining in their celebration of accomplishments. Yamada himself normally would be one of those teachers in the middle of everything, celebrating with the kids, whatever their accomplishments. But from up here, they moved silently and he could only guess what was happening in their small worlds. We're just like them, he thought. They see all of us heroes as though we are some far away endgoal, even though we're right in front of them. But they can only really know what we let them see. I'm the loud showman. Kayama's the inappropriate one. All Might is invincible. Aizawa's the emotionless taskmaster…

Yamada glanced over at his companion, the man's face set in stone, but his eyes betraying pain as he stared straight ahead–not at the students, but at the sparse clouds, scuttling across the sky.

They don't really know anything about us though, do they? We're just some ideal to them, not real people. He sighed, thinking back to All Might's own carefully crafted mask. Crazy to think that we've done the same thing to each other…

"Hey, Eraser… wanna talk?" he asked carefully in an attempt to break the silence.

"No."

"Yeah, okay. Let me rephrase that…"

The man twitched slightly, but otherwise his face betrayed nothing. "I'm fine, Mic."

Yamada snorted. "You're as bad as he is, you know."

Aizawa shot a warning glare in Yamada's direction, but didn't grace that with a response, turning back to the sky. The light breeze played with a few strands of his black hair.

Yamada sighed, turning to stare at the clouds as well. "'Fine' is just a way of telling people you're falling apart, but don't wanna talk about it."

When he didn't get a response, Yamada added, quietly, "He says the same thing, you know. And he's been in this business a hell of a lot longer than we have. Who knows how long he's been 'fine' with no one questioning it."

"Five years," Aizawa grunted.

"Say again?"

"He said he was injured five years ago. That's how long it's been."

Yamada snorted softly. "You really believe that?" He cocked his head to the side and glanced at his friend over the rim of his yellow and gold shades. "You remember what His Purple Highness always used to tell us?"

Aizawa raised his eyebrow. "Shut up before you get us kicked out?" he supplied readily.

Yamada sighed. "No. Not that. Remember how we used to always say we were gonna be the best heroes in the business?" He grinned and stood upright, tucking his left arm behind his back and motioning dramatically with his right while doing a poor impression of their old mentor. "He'd say, 'Remember, team, the best heroes are often the ones who've dealt with the most pain, but that doesn't mean you get to be a Gloomy Gus!'"

"'Gloomy Gus' are your words, Mic," Aizawa interjected flatly.

Yamada just ignored him, continuing dramatically. "'People need to think heroes are perfect, so when you kids feel your worst, that's when you've got to smile your brightest!'"

Aizawa sighed deeply, dropping his face into his hand, and glaring at Yamada from between his fingers. "Is there a point to this, Mic?"

The blond leaned back on the railing, grinning at Aizawa with a wink. "Always on top of things, my man. Who do you know who grins the most?" When his companion responded with nothing more than a slight narrowing of his eyes, he added, "C'mon, man, have you ever seen All Might without a smile? The guy was grinning at his debut. Kinda makes me wonder how bad it has to be for the hero to never stop smiling…" His own smile faded somewhat and he shrugged. "I'm just saying… maybe we've spent enough time assuming we know everything about the guy. Maybe it's about time to actually let him drop the grin and tell us what he's dealing with for real. No judgment. No backlash. Let him come clean."

"He's the one who lied to us, Mic." Aizawa's dark eyes narrowed. His words were cold and clipped. "He's the one who pretends he's something he's not." He huffed angrily. "You want me to listen to him? I tried. I gave him plenty of chances to come clean. To open up. He chose to keep his damned mask up every single time. Why do I have to accept anything he says?"

"Because he needs help, dammit! We're heroes! It's what we do!"

"You can't help someone who doesn't want to be saved."

"He's not asking us to save him, Eraser. The man just wants our help stopping a villain, so more lives aren't lost."

"His life will be lost, Mic."

"Then help us, so we don't have to lose him."

"What's the point? Even if he wins this fight, he'll just go find another villain to throw himself at. He's addicted to trauma."

Yamada pushed himself back off of the railing, his frustration building. "What do you expect from him? He's a hero. Just like the rest of us. We all know it could happen at any time to any one of us. If he wants to—"

"Wants to do what? Die for no reason? I'm not okay with that. Not again." He stopped abruptly and turned away.

There was a long silence after those words.

Finally, Yamada replied, quietly. "Eraser… man… it's not the same."

"Just leave me alone," Aizawa muttered.

"He isn't—"

"I said…" Aizawa bit the words out in a sharp, bitterly cold voice. "…Leave me alone. Go back and help him if you want. I gave him a choice. He chose to be a stubborn ass. If he wants his trauma fix, he can have it, but I'm not going to stand by and watch, and I'm sure as hell not going to enable him."

Yamada reached out a hand to rest on his friend's shoulder, but Aizawa shrugged it off, turning away.

"Eraser—"

"Just…" His eyes flashed briefly and then it was as though everything just went out of him. He seemed almost to deflate—slouching forward again, one hand resting on the guardrail, his voice growing tired. "Just go."

"Let me help."

Aizawa shook his head, and pushed himself away from the rail. Turning his back to Yamada, he stated resolutely. "I don't need your help. I told you… I'm fine…". With those final words, Eraserhead strode off toward the door and left the roof before Yamada could even say a word.

Yamada had wanted to speak—had wanted to contradict that obvious lie—but for once he found himself rendered silent—as though Aizawa had managed to actually erase his quirk.

He stood there in painful silence, one hand still half-outstretched to where his friend had been a moment before.

"Dammit…" he finally whispered, hand dropping. "You really are just like him, aren't you…?"

Author's Note: A big thanks to Haptronym, lolo popoki, and EyesoftheMaud for their invaluable beta work! And thanks to you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, short though it was!

Sincerely,
Sirius:)