WhIP

by footfungus

nederlands verhalen over mijn otp

224. Chapter 224

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Ellitheria

Summary:

The first note comes the day after Lucy is promoted to P2.

It seems simple enough, a plain white envelope with her name written on the front. She throws it in her bag in her rush, sure that it's just a congratulations card from a friend, and resolves to look at it later. She'd snoozed her alarm too many times, and she doesn't want to give anyone a bad impression on her first day of being a fully fledged cop.

She forgets all about the note until the next day.

OR

Lucy has a stalker, and the series of events that unfolds brings back the trauma she never really dealth with after Caleb.

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

The first note comes the day after Lucy is promoted to P2.

It seems simple enough, a plain white envelope with her name written on the front. She throws it in her bag in her rush, sure it's just a 'congratulations' card from a friend, and resolves to look at it later. She'd snoozed her alarm too many times and as a result is running late, and she doesn't want to give anyone a bad impression on her first day of being a fully fledged cop.

She forgets all about it during what turns out to be a less than spectacular day.

Her first day as a P2 is filled withchaos.

It starts with her and Jackson being tricked during roll call, to having to babysit acandy barat the scene of a crime, to responding to a disturbance call that turns out to be at the store whereTim is helping Angela pick her wedding dress(which is too cute for words, and Lucy willdefinitelyhave to tease him about it later). Her day is then topped off with the spectacular shit show that is her 'celebration dinner' with her mother, and by the time she sits down on her couch, a glass of wine in hand and the lotus root soup put away in the fridge, she's forgotten all about it.

There's a second note the next morning.

Lucy grabs it from the floor outside her apartment, stuffs it in her bag, and heads to work.

She runs into Tim on the way to the women's locker room, becauseof courseshe does. He hasn't stopped grinning since the incident at the wedding dress store, and she's not in the mood.

Plus, he can alwaystellwhen something's wrong with her.

"What's wrong, Chen?" he asks, and she winces.

"Nothing."

"Bull."

Lucy sighs, and turns to him. He's crossed his arms over his chest, and he has a little frown on her face.

"My mother was … herself last night. Ruined my celebration dinner. It's nothing, I'm fine."

Tim shakes his head. "Listen Chen, I know something about shit parents. It was a shitty thing for your mom to do, whatever it is that she did. She should have supported you no matter what. She didn't. It's OK to feel bad about that."

Lucy just shrugs. She knows a little about what Tim went through with his own father, and knows that her mother is nothing in comparison.

"It's fine," she says again, and then the edge of the first note she'd received catches her eyes where it's sticking out of her bag. She frowns, and then reaches for them. They're obviously from the same person; the handwriting is identical, and it's the same type of envelope.

"What are those?" Tim asks, motioning toward the cards, and Lucy shrugs.

"Not sure. One was outside my apartment yesterday morning, and another one this morning."

"Secret admirer?" Tim asks, clearly intrigued, and inches closer to her as another officer passes through the hallway, already dressed for the day in uniform. Lucy knows she needs to go get changed, too, but she's curious. She'd forgotten about the first one in the chaos of the previous day, but now she wants to know who they're from.

Lucy rolls her eyes. "Probably just a congratulations note."

"Open it," Tim says. Lucy gives him alook, but grabs for one of the cards.

"You know you can't tell me what to do anymore," she says, and he gives her aTimlook.

"Whatever. Who is it from?" he asks.

"Doesn't say," Lucy responds, but her voice begins to trail off as she reads. She stuffs the first one back in her bag and grabs the second, and each line she reads causes her face to fall further.

"What's wrong, Lucy?" Tim asks, and he wants very much to reach out for the first note she'd put back in her bag, but doesn't want to overstep. He doesn't have to — she grabs it and shoves it into his chest without looking, her eyes still roaming the second one. Tim tears it open and scans it quickly. There's no name or greeting, just three simple lines on the paper, handwriting impeccably neat, letters curled on the ends.

I've been watching you since you first smiled at me.
You're so beautiful.
I'll see you soon.

Tim's frowning, and doesn't pause before reaching out and taking the second note out of her hands. She makes a noise of complaint, but he ignores her, eyes scanning the words. It's the same — the same perfect handwriting, the same tone. It would be sweet, but the writer doesn't identify themselves, and that fact sets off alarms in Tim's head.

Congratulations on the promotion, Officer.
I'm sorry your mother wasn't more supportive.
I wanted to come inside and comfort you, but I know you're not ready.
You will be soon.

"What the hell?" he says, and when he looks up he can see the wariness in Lucy's eyes. She's a good cop, and he knows she must be feeling as uneasy as he is. "Who wrote these?"

"I don't know," Lucy says, biting her lip. "But they know where I live. They know about what happened last night. Jackson wasn't home, Tamara wasn't there.No oneshould know what happened. I didn'ttellanyone. You're the first person I've seen this morning, the first person I've talked to."

Tim takes both notes carefully, trying to touch them as little as possible (they'd both already contaminated the evidence, but he's hopeful they can get a fingerprint match anyway).

"Go get changed for roll call, Lucy," he says, and his voice is softer than she's used to it being, which makes her even more worried. If Tim is being gentle with her, he thinks something iswrong."I'll take care of these."

Lucy bites her lip but nods. She doesn't want to be late, after all.

"All right. But, Tim?"

He turns back to her. He'd already started walking down the hallway, wanting to talk to Lopez and get the notes turned over to someone who can go over them with a fine tooth comb.

"Yeah?"

"Let me know what you find out?"

He nods, and watches as she glances between his eyes and the notes held carefully in his hands.

"I will. It'll be OK, Lucy," he says. "I'm sure it's nothing. Just want to be careful."

Lucy nods, and wishes she believed him. But she has a bad feeling. An uneasy, uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of her stomach.

There's another note when she gets home that night.

Chapter 2

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

"And you can't think of anyone who might be sending them? A date, an ex-boyfriend? Someone who maybe asked you out, and you said no?"

Lucy shakes her head. She's sitting by Angela's desk, wearily going over the same questions again and again. It's after eight in the evening, and she'sexhausted. She hadn't even made it inside of her apartment before finding the next note and calling Tim. He'd made it to her place in less than ten minutes, and Lucy knows he broke several laws to do it. His house isat leasttwenty minutes from her apartment, in good traffic.

"No, I can't think of anyone," she says, her voice small.

The newest note had been… unnerving.

I like watching you work.
You're so… intense. Focused.
I hope you're that intense withme.
I will be with you.
See you soon.

Tim is standing behind her, arms crossed over his chest. He's frowning, his foot tapping impatiently on the ground. Angela shoots him a look; he glowers at her, and turns his attention back to Lucy.

"I need you tothink, Lucy," Angela, and her voice is soft, comforting, but Tim snaps at her regardless.

"She already said she can't think of anyone,Angela," he growls, and Angela tries not to be annoyed. She knows he's just worried.

"I know, hon," she says softly, putting a hand on Lucy's arm. "I know it's hard to think. You had a long day, and nowthis.It's scary, but anything you can think of could be helpful. Let's start with ex-boyfriends, and go from there."

Lucy nods and takes a deep breath, settling back in her chair. She can do this. She's a professional.

It's just…

She keeps thinking aboutCaleb.About the barrel. About the darkness and the thin air and the terror that had followed her to the very end. About the last breath she took before she fell asleep. Before shedied.

Tim puts a hand on her shoulder and she lets out a ragged breath, shaking her head to rid herself of the memories.

"Um. Emmett. We dated for a little while, but it wasn't serious, for me or for him. He broke it off with me over text. There were no bad feelings. Before that, just… I went out with C-Caleb, once, before he took me, and um. There was Nolan. Somehow I don't think it's him. That's it, since I joined Mid Wilshire."

"All right," Angela says, and makes a few notes on the open case file on her desk. There are copies of each of the notes in it, as well as the lab report that had informed them there were no usable fingerprints. "Anyone on a call lately that seemed too interested? Anyone that caught your eye while out with friends? Anyone that bothered you excessively at the bar?"

Lucy shakes her head. "No, nothing comes to mind. And I … I would have noticed, right?"

But I didn't notice Caleb, she thinks, and has to swallow hard to clear the lump from her throat.

"Not necessarily," Tim says, and his voice is quiet. He's a solid presence behind her, and she's glad that he's taking her and the notes seriously. "Often stalkers haven't had much, orany, contact with the person they're stalking. Someone fixates on you, and they build an entire fictional world in their head. You may not even know them. You might have seen them out of the corner of your eye one night, for one second, and that's it."

"But they know so much aboutme," she whispers, and Tim nods.

"Yes. They've been surveilling you, at the very least. I have a team at your place, looking for cameras, bugs, anything that would give this person an insight into your life."

"They seem to be obsessed, and there's definitely a sexual edge to these notes," Angela says, and Lucy nods, taking a shaking breath in. "This person may have a record of stalking or assault. We know it's someone you've been in contact with, but unfortunately that doesn't narrow things down much. If we can get a name, we can run them through the system."

"You can't go home tonight," Tim says, his voice firm, and Lucy turns to look at him. He's shaking his head, his eyebrow furrowed. He looks…worried, and Lucy hates that she's the cause.

"I'll be fine," she says, though the thought of going home when someone iswatching heris terrifying. "Jackson's with his boyfriend, but … I can ask a friend to stay with me, or something. I have my gun."

"No," Tim says, and his tone leaves no room for argument. "I don't care if you have your weapon. You're being stalked. Listened to,at the very least. And if they've planted listening devices, they'vebeen in your house,Lucy. You can't stay there."

"They won't try anything tonight," Lucy tries, though she knows she's going to give in. She doesn't want to seem weak, though. She doesn't want to seem like sheneedsanyone else. She's always taken care of herself; she can do the same thing now.

"No."

Angela is looking back and forth between them nervously. She raises an eyebrow at her best friend, but Tim doesn't acknowledge her.

"You can come home with me. I don't have a guest room, but I have a functioning couch. We'll go by your place, grab some things. You can stay with me until we catch him."

Lucy wants to argue to save her pride, but the thought of being with Tim, in his house, makes her feelsafe,in a way she hasn't truly felt since she was kidnapped.

"OK," she gives in, her voice small and quiet. Tim nods, once, and then turns to Angela.

"Extra patrols around Lucy's apartment. I want them to be on the lookout for anyone suspicious, and to keep an eye on who is coming and going. See if we can catch this bastard when they're delivering the next note."

"Got it," Angela says, and then turns to Lucy. "Hey, it's gonna be fine," she reassures the younger woman.

It won't be like last time,she wants to say, but she knows she can't promise that.

"Thank you," Lucy says anyway, and then rises to her feet, brushing imaginary lint off of her shirt. Her hands are shaking, so she shoves them in the pockets of her jeans, clenching them tightly into fists to keep them from trembling. "For everything."

"You're welcome. We'll do everything we can to catch this guy."

Lucy nods, and then turns to catch Tim's eye. He's still standing stiffly, eyes trained on the notes on Angela's desk. He doesn't look away until Lucy reaches out, touching his arm softly. He's wearing the same t-shirt and jeans he had changed into earlier after shift, and she wonders if he even made it home before he'd had to turn around and go to her place. She feels bad, again, for interrupting his night, but she doesn't say anything, knowing that Tim will just give her a look and tell her not to be stupid.

"Ready?" he asks, and she nods, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She hadn't driven back to the station after finding the note, hadn't even thought about it. Tim had grabbed the note (with gloves this time), stuffed it in his pocket, and had herded her toward his truck without a word. She hadn't even had the presence of mind to do anything other than let him, and now she's glad. She's having trouble concentrating on anything as he pushes her toward the passenger door. She buckles her seatbelt automatically, and then lets herself melt back into the seat as Tom climbs into the driver's side and starts the vehicle.

"We're gonna go back to your place so you can pack a bag. The surveillance team is still there. They haven't found anything yet, but they're thorough."

"OK," Lucy says, and then sighs, dropping her head into her hands as she lets out a breath of frustration. "I'm sorry," she finally whispers, and Tim (like she had predicted) scoffs.

"Don't apologize, Boot," he says, and Lucy rolls her eyes.

"Nota Boot anymore, Tim," she grumbles, and when she sees the small smile on his face she knows that he had done it on purpose to distract her. She's thankful, and doesn't mention it.

"Fine.Lucy. No need to apologize. I won't let…anything…happen to you again."

It's clear he's thinking about the whole situation with Caleb, and she sighs, picking at her fingernails as she speaks quietly.

"It's not like Caleb," she says, and then continues quickly when she sees his hands tighten on the steering wheel. "And it isn't your fault. This time,orlast time. I guess I just attract all of the creeps. I was joking when I woke up in the hospital, but this might legit be enough to make me seriously consider becoming a nun."

Tim bristles. "As much as I want to agree that you should never date again," he says, voice hard, "Other people's shittiness isnot your fault.You are not to blame because some sick bastard decided to fixate on you. It doesn't say anything about you, or what kind of person you are. It says a hell of a lot aboutthem, but not about you."

Lucy is fighting tears by the time he's done speaking. She doesn't normally cry like this. She hadn't even really allowed herself to cry about Caleb, after the hospital. She'd held it all in, buried it, gone to her required counseling sessions, and tried to forget about what had happened. But here, in the dark with Tim and his passionate words, she can't help it. A single tear falls down her cheek and she sniffles, trying to hold the rest at bay.

"Thank you," she murmurs, and the cab of the truck falls silent. Neither of them speak again until they're pulling up to her apartment building. She climbs out, and Tim's there immediately, following barely a step behind her. He's like her shadow as she climbs the stairs, and she would be annoyed if she had the energy, because she's not a damsel in distress, damn it.

But… she has to admit, she feelssaferwith him there.

They reach her apartment and the door is open; Lucy sighs as she walks in. She knows that there are agents going through every inch of her apartment, and she hates that she has no privacy, that there are people pawing through every faucet of her life.

Just this morning, everything had been normal.

And now…

"Have you found anything?" Tim asks, and she knows he's not speaking to her, but she turns to listen anyway, and sees that there's a young man standing in front of Tim. He's wearing plain clothes, and Lucy knows he's from Angela's department - a detective.

"Unfortunately," the man says, and gestures to the counter. There are several small electronic devices on it, and Lucy feels sick to her stomach.

Someone wasin her house. Planting devices so they couldlisten to her.

"One in the bedroom, one in the kitchen, one in the bathroom."

Lucy has to turn away, or she's going to throw up, or cry, or both.

She's been shot, she's been hit and punched and kidnapped andkilled, for God's sake. But she's never had her entire life invaded so thoroughly. There's no telling how long these devices have been here. There's no telling what they'veheard, what they've learned about her and her life.

Herhome, hersafe place,has been invaded.

She thought it wasover.

She thought, after Caleb had died, that she would be safe.

But she isn't.

"I'm going to be sick," she says, and dashes toward her bedroom. She notices several officers in her room but ignores all of them, bypassing them and heading straight for her bathroom. She falls to her knees and throws up in the toilet, her throat burning from the stomach acid and her eyes burning from the tears she can no longer hold back. She throws up again, and again, until she's dry heaving painfully. She belatedly realizes that she might be panicking, but there's not much she can do about it now. Her chest is burning and her vision is blurry, and she thinks it might be nice to pass out, to not have to worry about anything for a minute.

Before she can, however, there's someone beside her, brushing her hair away from her face and murmuring softly into her ear. She knows who it is immediately - his scent, his touch, his warmth. She's shared a shop with him for thirteen months, and his presence immediately begins calming her down.

"Hey, Lucy," Tim whispers, and she falls back into him, gasping for breath. He wraps an arm around her shoulder and lets her fall apart. "It's OK. Let it all out."

She does.

She cries like she hadn't allowed herself to after Caleb. There's snot and tears and great, heaving sobs. It's not very dignified, but it feels good to let everything out.

"S-sorry," she finally chokes out, and Tim makes a noise, but doesn't respond. "I'm sorry. I just… he washere, in myhome, in mybedroom." She pauses, and a fresh wave of tears comes to her eyes. "Tim, he was in mybedroom."

"I know. I know, but we're gonna find him, Lucy. We're going to find him, and we're gonna make him pay."

Lucy wants to respond but she can't. She's enjoying being in Tim's arms more than she should, so she makes herself pull back. She reaches for the toilet paper and wipes her mouth before standing to her feet, flushing the toilet and grabbing for her mouth wash. She cleans her mouth and then grabs her toothbrush and toiletries before turning to her bedroom.

"How much should I pack?" she asks, and Tim looks unsure.

"I don't know. But I don't think you should stay here again until we find whoever is sending you the notes. Just… a few outfits, for now. We can always come back and get more."

Lucy nods, and goes to her closet, grabbing a bag. She notices as she walks toward her dresser that the room is empty again, and she's thankful that the other officers are giving her some privacy. She grabs a few simple outfits - t-shirts, sweatpants, shorts, pajamas. She doesn't plan on going out anywhere anytime soon, and knows she'll only need the basics when not at work. She adds socks and panties to her bag, and then turns back to Tim, clutching the bag close to her chest.

"Can we get out of here?" she asks, and it's a strange feeling,wantingto leave her apartment, because she normallylovesher house. It's one of the first places that she'd filled with things that madeherhappy, not things that her parents thoughtshouldmake her happy. It was her place, where she was happy and at home and comfortable.

But…

Not anymore.

She's not sure she'll ever be comfortable here again.

"Yeah, we can," Tim says, and he puts a hand on the small of her back, guiding her through the living room. The detectives in her house give her pitying looks; she ignores them, focusing instead on how Tim's hand feels on her back. His touch is comforting, a solid, steady presence.

He follows close behind her as they walk down the stairs and back toward his truck. She glances toward her car, but she doesn't want to drive tonight. Tim gives her a look, noticing where her gaze is, and she shakes her head. He doesn't say anything, and instead leads her to the truck, once again opening her door and waiting until she's inside before going around to the driver's side.

Lucy buckles her seatbelt and then brings her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her head on her knees.

Maybe when she wakes up, this will all have been a terrible nightmare.

She hopes desperately that it is, and then lets her eyes slip closed.

Notes:

Updates will slow soon! I go back to work tomorrow.

Chapter 3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Less than an hour later Lucy is standing in front of Tim's couch, arms full of blankets and head full of worries.

"You all right?" Tim asks, and she startles as he enters the room behind her. His voice is quiet as he approaches slowly, and she wishes that he didn't have to be so careful with her, that she wasn't so weak.

"No," she says honestly, and sighs when he reaches out and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asks, and when Lucy looks up to meet his eyes she can see that he's feeling lost and uncertain. He'd never asked for any of this. He probably wanted to come home tonight and drink a beer and watch a game, not deal with her stalker and her trauma andher.

She shakes her head; she doesn't want to be a burden.

"I'm fine," she says, and it sounds unconvincing even to her own ears.

She hopes Tim will take her at her word. She hopes he'll bid her good night and head into his room so that she can break down quietly on the couch without an audience. He'd seen her this evening at her worst, and she doesn't want him to witness that again. She's supposed to bestrong- he's told her she's strong before, and she doesn't want to let him down. She doesn't want todisappointhim.

"You're not letting me down, Lucy," he says, his voice pained, and she makes a noise in her throat when she realizes she'd said that allout loud.

Tim isn't finished, however.

"You could never disappoint me. Youareone ofthestrongest people I've ever met. You've survived so much, and you are the best damn rookie I'veevertrained. You don't let anything stop you, butthis… this isnotyour fault, and being scared doesn't mean you're not strong. I fuckingterrified,Lucy. I'm terrified for you, because of what happened before. I can't let it happen again. I can'tlose you."

Lucy forces herself to meet Tim's eyes, and she can see that he's telling the truth. His gaze is watery, and she knows he puts on a show of being a hardass at work and with his rookies, but underneath it all he's one of the most caring, loving men she's ever met.

"Can I have a hug?" she chokes out, and Tim's there immediately. He pulls her against his chest, one of his hands cupping the back of her head and pressing her face into his neck. The other wraps around her back, settling low on her hip, and holds her body close to his. He sways them back and forth, and Lucy feelssafe.

"I know that it'll probably be fine. People deal with worse every day,wesee worse every day," she begins, and once the first words leave her mouth she can't stop. It's like an avalanche, and she's a bystander just watching the carnage. "I know that it's just a stalker, and … and that he probably won't hurt me, especially with you and Kojo here, but I can't convince my brain of that. Every time I think about it, I'm right back in that barrel. I'm in that barrel and I'm alone and running out of air and I'm panicking. I close my eyes and I'm in the barrel, Tim," she finishes, and she realizes that she is sobbing into his shoulder. "I can't run away from my own brain, and I can't stopthinkingabout it. It took over an hour for me to die, you know. I was alone and dying for an hour and… and…"

She realizes she's panicking again as Tim lowers both of their bodies to the ground. He sits cross legged on his floor and pulls her back tight to his chest.

"You're not there," he says, and his voice is calm, collected, but she can hear the emotion simmering underneath the surface. "You're in my house, in my living room. We have a security detail outside. You're not in the barrel, but even if you were, I'd be coming for you, Lucy. I'll always come for you."

"I thought I wasfine," Lucy says, and she's gasping for breath even as she speaks. "I thought I'd moved past it and that I was OK, but thenthishappened and it's like I never even went to therapy. It's like I'm right back in the hospital the day after it happened and I can't stopthinking about it, all because ofone fucking letter."

Tim hums and rocks her body back and forth. He's holding her so tightly that her chest aches, but it's agoodache. It centers her and grounds her.

"Trauma is like that," he says, and she can feel his warm breath caress her ear as he speaks. His voice is low, comforting, and she feels her heart rate slowing with every word that passes his lips. "I thought I'd moved past everything that happened with my dad, and that happened over fifteen years ago. But every time we get a domestic abuse call, or I see a kid who's clearly been beaten but is too terrified to speak up… I'm ten years old all over again, hiding in my closet from a drunk and angry father. Trauma isn't one and done, it's something you live withforever,"he finishes, and Lucy turns in his embrace to bury her head in his chest.

He holds her as she cries for the second time that day. She wants to apologize, but knows that he won't let her.

And, the thing is, he's notwrong.

Sheknowsthat he's right - years of living with her parents, seeing various therapists, reading her textbooks in college when she was considering being a psychology major… Sheknowshow trauma works, but she's having trouble applying what sheknowsto how shefeels.

"It's like I'm not in control of my own brain," she tries to explain, sniffling. "I know I'm safe. I know I'm in your house, with your frankly excessive security system and our dog and a security patrol, but I can't convince my brain of it. I close my eyes and all I see are nightmares," she admits, and Tim nods.

"I know," he says simply, and then he casts a glance at the pile of blankets and pillows he'd given her. "Do you want to try and sleep?" he asks, and she shakes her head.

"Not really, but I know I need to."

"What can I do to help?" Tom asks, and his voice has a pleading edge to it. He wants desperately to make this better, to see the happy, bubbly, actual-ray-of-sunshine Lucy he'd spent thirteen months with in their shop. The one that drove himnuts, who always insisted on seeing the bright side of things even when he was determined to be cranky.

ThisLucy breaks his heart, and he would do anything, he thinks, to help her.

But she's shaking her head, and he knows that there's not much thatcanbe done.

"Nothing, Tim, but thank you," she says, and he nods.

They awkwardly rise to their feet, and Tim keeps a steadying hand on her shoulder until she's ready to stand on her own. She looks around, a small blush staining her cheeks, and clears her throat. She's opening her mouth to apologize when Tim holds up a hand.

"Donot," he says, and Lucy can't help the smile that breaks across her lips. "Do not apologize for being human. Now, are you sure you're OK on the couch? I can take the couch and let you have my bed."

Lucy shakes her head. "I'm not kicking you out of your bed, Tim," she says, and rolls her eyes at him before beginning to spread the blankets out.

In the end, it isn't Lucy who has a nightmare.

She wakes up, however, when she hears Tim yelling from his bedroom. She's immediately on alert, her heart beating rapidly in her chest and her eyes scanning the room for a threat.

It takes several moments for her to realize where the noise is coming from, and her heart hurts when she processes what is happening. Tim is still crying out, his voice hoarse, and she can hear her name mixed in with words she can't understand.

"Lucy!" he cries again, and she's in motion immediately. She scrambles off the couch, caught briefly in the blankets she'd curled into earlier, and stumbles her way down the hall. Tim's room is the first door on the right and it's already partially open; Lucy presses her hand on the door and opens it all the way, entering slowly so she doesn't startle him. She knows he sleeps with his gun, and she doesn't particularly want to be shot.

"Tim," she whispers, but he doesn't wake. He's tangled in his quilt, and she can see tears tracking down his face. Her heart breaks a little more when she realizes that he's sobbing silently now. "Tim, wake up," she says, louder this time, and walks up to the bed. She presses her knees onto the mattress beside him, reaching a hand out to press to his shoulder.

He wakes with a start, gasping and searching for his weapon.

"Tim!" Lucy cries, and recognition flashes in his eyes even though he's still panting, still panicked. "Tim, it's me. I'm here. I'm fine."

He stares at her, eyes filled with confusion and sorrow. He blinks a few times, and then makes a noise in his throat that causes Lucy's breath to catch.

"Lucy?" he asks, and she nods, pressing her hand to his shoulder harder to help ground him.

"I'm here," she whispers, and she's unprepared when Tim reaches out and wraps his arms around her, pulling her onto the bed with him and into his lap. She can feel his heartbeat from where he presses them together, and it's fast, frantic. She pushes down her surprise and curls close to him, wrapping her arms around his back and pressing her face into his neck. He's trembling against her, and she wonders how often he wakes up like this, if this is the first time or if it had happened after she'd been kidnapped.

"It's gonna be fine," she whispers, as she runs her fingers through his sweaty hair. "We'regoing to be fine."

Tim is nodding, but still not speaking. His heart is slowing and his hands are trembling less, so Lucy continues what she's doing. Being close to her, holding her, seems to help, and even though it should feel awkward (they'd just hugged for the first time less than three hours ago), it doesn't. It feels warm and safe andright.

"We're gonna be all right," he finally echoes, voice hoarse, and Lucy's hand in his hair stills. She pulls back from him just enough to see his face, andthisis a side of Tim she's never seen. This isn't Tim her TO, or even Tim her friend. This is Tim, broken hearted and terrified, and he makes her want to never let him go.

"You had a nightmare?" she prompts, and he nods, sighing deeply as he reaches a hand up to scrub the tears from his cheeks.

"Yeah," he admits, and then seems to deflate when she continues staring at him, waiting. "It was… a weird mix of what happened before, and what's happening now. It was about your stalker, but you still died, and I wasn't in time to save you. I kept trying, and trying, but this time, you didn't wake up."

"I'm alive," she whispers, and she's not sure if it's the adrenaline of the situation, or theneedto make sure he believes her, but she leans forward and presses her lips to his, gently, briefly, before pulling away and meeting his eyes again. "I'm here and I'm alive and I'm not leaving you," she promises, and her heart is beating wildly.

What have I done?she thinks, and she's terrified that she's done something that she can't take back, something that will ruin her friendship with Tim.

He stares into her eyes for a long time, and she can't look away, even as doubt and anxiety churn in her stomach.

"Lucy," he whispers, his voice filled with awe. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, maneuvering their bodies so that he's on top of her, staring down at her with wonder in his eyes.

"Tim," Lucy begins, but before she can speak, to try and take back what she's done, he's leaning down and kissing her again, one hand cupping her cheek like she's something precious, the other holding his body up so that he doesn't crush her.

Talking can wait, she decides. For right now, all she wants (all sheneeds)is to be close to Tim, to reassure herself that he's here and that he's real.

Everything else can wait

Notes:

Guys. I had this tagged as "slow burn" but apparently I fail.

This WASN'T IN THE PLAN, sometimes my characters just do things without my permission. ️

Kudos and comments appreciated! I love hearing from my readers and try to respond to every comment! ️️

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

When Tim wakes up in the morning, he's not alone.

His first thoughtshould beto go for his gun, or to figure out what the hell he'd done last night that he'd ended up with some woman in his bed. But it's not. Instead, he breathes in, and is met with a soft, comforting scent. It's floral, but subtle; it's nice, and it's a scent he's become intimately familiar with over the past thirteen months.

Lucy.

Tim breathes in deeply, remembering the previous night.

Lucy had kissed him. And, when he'd met her eyes, he could tell that she wasterrifiedby what she'd done, worried she'd ruined their friendship.

Of course, she hadn't.

Tim had rolled her over and kissed her back. Passionately, endlessly; he'd quickly become addicted to the feel of her under him and the taste of her mouth. The way her lips moved against his, the way her chest expanded and pushed into him when she gasped for breath. The way she had moaned when he'd bitten her bottom lip, or when he'd trailed his lips down her neck, across her collarbone where her sleep shirt had ridden down.

Tim has to pause and breathe for a moment as he remembers. He's aroused, but in a sleepy, warm way, not a way that demands he do anything about it immediately.

They hadn't taken things further last night, he recalls, and is thankful for that. It's not that he doesn'twantto, it's just that he wants it to beright,when it does happen. He doesn't want it to be because he was scared he'd lost her, or because she was terrified of her stalker, or because of nightmares or for any other reason than the fact that theywant to,that they wanteach other.

Because he sure as hell wantsher.In fact, he's fairly certain that he's a little bit in love with Lucy. His former Boot. The thorn in his side for the past year, the woman who had not only made her way past his walls but hadknocked them all down.She had helped him through the loss of Isabel, had helped him realize that he still had growing to do as a training officer and as ahuman.For the first time in a long time, he had admitted he'd been wrong about something, and had promised himselfandher that he would do better.

Shemakes him better.

"You're thinking too loud."

Tim turns and smiles at the sight beside him. Lucy has woken up but clearly isn't happy about it. She's curled up beside him, her head on his chest. She's refusing to open her eyes, but he can tell by the way her hand is moving across his chest in a mindless, comforting pattern that she's been awake for at least several minutes.

"Sorry," he apologizes, and he leans down and kisses her head. He can feel her sigh of relief as it passes her lips, and his own heart rate decreases.

He thinks (hopes) they're on the same page.

As always, they are.

"So, not a mistake?" she asks timidly, and he shakes his head.

"No. Not a mistake. Sooner than I'd planned, but not a mistake," he assures her, and she holds on to him tighter. He continues, voice low, "I've been attracted to you for a long time, now, Lucy. I… don't know when or evenifI would have said anything, if this hadn't happened. I didn't want this… Idon'twant this to get in the way of your career."

Lucy hums, and Tim knows she's thinking, because this, whatever it is between them,couldhurt her career. It could hurt her a lot, being a newly promoted P2. It wouldn't affect him, he knows, so it's not his choice to make. It's up to her, and as much as it would hurt if she said she wanted to forget what had happened the previous night, he would do it if she asked him to.

"Some things matter more," she finally whispers, and Tim's arms tighten around her warm, pliant body. He shifts onto his side so he can take her fully into his arms, tucking her head in the crook of his neck and entangling their legs. They're as close as they can possibly be, but he wants to becloser.

He remembers saying those exact words to her, months ago now. The situation had been different, the stakes much higher, but they ring just as true now as they did then.

"Yeah," he agrees quietly, and then presses his face into her hair, breathing in her scent. It calms him, reassures him that she'shere, and alive. "You know I care about you, right?" he asks, pulling back just far enough to meet her eyes. "This isn't just… relief that you're alive, or whatever. Ilikeyou; you're important to me, and I don't want to screw this up."

Lucy nods, and she leans forward, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to his lips. He wants to deepen it, to pull her back to him, but he knows she has something she wants to say, so he doesn't. He lets her retreat, and meets her eyes when she's far enough away from him.

"Me, too," she admits, and offers him a small smile. "I… I know I said I was joking in the shop, on our last day? But it was true. I was just scared that you were getting ready to reject me, so I backed off, but it'strue.Ihavedeveloped feelings for you, and I hoped that you felt the same way."

"I did," he promises, and hates thinking about the way he'd been about to turn her down - for her own good, but still. "Ido. I'm sorry, I was doing what I thought was best for you. I was going to pretend I didn't feel the same, because youlovebeing a cop, and I couldn't stand it if I was the reason your career never took off."

Lucy shakes her head and sighs as she lays her head back on his chest. A glance at the clock tells her they have time, so she relaxes, playing with the material of his shirt.

"I don't think it will," she finally says. "We're on different paths. You're going to be a sergeant, and I'm looking into undercover work. Even if I do stay on patrol, you're not my boss anymore. So… I don't know what we are, or what wecould be,but I want to find out. We owe it to ourselves, to find out."

"Okay," Tim says.

Simple, succinct.

He knows they have more to talk about. They have to talk about work, and how it'll affect them, and they have to talk about how they want to move forward. But for right now, all he cares about is that she's in his arms, warm and alive andhere.

They'll figure out the rest as they go.

The next note they find is on Tim's doorstep.

Lucy makes a noise, and Tim is immediately on alert. He's closing the door behind them, making sure to get it locked and secured before his alarm system goes off, and he's just turned the deadbolt when the noise of distress from Lucy captures his attention.

"Lucy?" he asks, turning, and his heart stops dead in his chest as what he sees.

She's holding up an envelope. A small, white envelope, with her name on the front.

"How -" she chokes out, but before she can say more Tim is there, taking the envelope from her and shielding her body with his as he tears it open.

I saw you with him last night.
Why are you betraying me?
You'll regret that.
You're MINE.

Lucy reads the words and feels panic building in her chest.

She thought she wassafeat Tim's. She thought that, surely, her stalker wouldn't find her here.

But hehad.

"I'm going tokillthis son of a bitch," Tim growls, and shoves the envelope in his pocket. He doesn't even care about the fact that he's contaminating evidence. He knows that, whoever is writing the notes, they didn't leave any fingerprints behind. They'd checked each of the previous notes over carefully, and he knows this one will be no different. He'll turn it over regardless, but not before making damn sure that Lucy has backup everywhere she goes today.

Speaking of…

"You're OK to go to work?" he asks, and she nods, trying to hide the way her hands are shaking as she walks with him toward his truck.

"Yes, I'm fine," she says, but when she can't buckle her seatbelt because her hands are trembling too badly, she knows it's a lost cause. She won't be able to hide this from Tim. She takes a deep breath, and leans against the passenger door.

"I'm scared," she admits in a small voice.

Tim reaches over and takes her hand in one of his, using his other to help her buckle her belt.

"I know, and it's OK to be scared," he assures her.

"I just… last time, with Caleb," she begins, and she pauses to take a breath. "He hurt me a lot. In ways I'm still dealing with, but he didn't hurt me likethat."

She doesn't want to say the word, but it hangs heavily in the silence anyway.

He didn'trapeme.

Tim's hand tightens around hers.

"I'm not gonna let that happen," he promises, and Lucy nods, though she still looks spooked. Tim knows she won't rest well until they find this guy, and probably not even then.

"Question," Tim says after several moments of silence. He flexes his hands on the wheel as he eases the truck out of his driveway. "And don't get all mad at me. Iknowyou can take care of yourself."

Lucy looks over at him warily.

"But?" she asks, raising an eyebrow, and Tim deflates.

"Can you ride with me today? Iknowyou'll be fine with Jackson, but after last night…"

He knows it's not fair, playing the nightmare card. But healsoknows that if she's not with him today, he's going to be distracted listening to the radio for her every communication. If she patrols with Jackson, and something happens and hecan't get there,he knows he'll always blame himself. The mere thought of letting her out of his sight after the notes, combined with what had happened last night, seems unthinkable. He's still raw from the nightmare, and from the realization that he's probably (definitely) in love with his ex-rookie.

"OK," Lucy says, and she reaches over to take his hand into hers. She grips it tightly, and then sighs. "But we need some ground rules for work."

Tim looks over and waggles his eyebrows at her to make her laugh; it works, and the happy sound filling his truck makes him smile.

"I don't want to tell anyone yet," Lucy says, and Tim nods.

"Agreed."

"I want us to have time to figure ourselves out, without everyone else sticking their noses in it."

"Agreed," Tim says again, and then holds up a finger as they stop at a red light. "But keep in mind that wedowork at a police station, filled with cops and detectives. They might figure us out anyway."

"True," Lucy allows. "But I don't want totellanyone."

"All right. What else?"

Lucy bites her lip. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings with what she has to say next, but she knows it's important, not just for work, but forthem,their relationship, if they're going to be together.

"You can't always protect me," she begins, and holds up a hand when Tim opens his mouth to argue. "Obviously I don't mean like from people shooting at us; feel free to protect me then. But, around others at the station… I can take care of myself, Tim. No being super-macho-protective or anything, because I am agoodcop, and I don't want others to think less of me if you're always fighting my battles, or whatever. Let me take point on this stalker thing. You can back me up, but I don't want this to make me seem weak. Not after the whole Caleb thing. In private, I love feeling protected, but at the station, I have to stand on my own."

Tim nods, clenching the steering wheel tightly. He's pulling into the station, so he knows he has to make this quick.

"Lucy," he begins, and he puts the truck in park before turning to meet her gaze. "You are anamazingcop. One of the best I've ever seen. You don'tneedme to fight your battles. Yes, I'm always going to be worried when you're on patrol without me, and I'll always want to protect you from anyone who wants to hurt you. But I will follow your lead here. And if I ever do something that you think undermines you or just generally pisses you off, let me know, and I swear I'll work on it. I want to be yourpartner, in work and in life, and that meansequal."

Lucy smiles, and after a quick glance around the parking garage, leans in to kiss him quickly. "Thankyou," she says, sincerely, and then reaches for the handle of her door. "Now let's get this note to Angela and get to roll call. Walking in togetherandbeing late will only make people talkmore."

Tim chuckles, but secretly agrees. He grabs both of their bags (and, at a look from Lucy, hands hers over so she can carry it herself), and then follows her into the station.

They find the fourth note taped to Lucy's locker.

Chapter 5

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

"You're telling me there'snovideo of who put the note in there?" Tim asks, and his voice is strained. He's trying to do what he had promised Lucy — he'stryingto let her take the lead, but he can't help the anxiety running through him. It feels like his entire body isbuzzing, and he's having trouble focusing on anything other than the fourth note in front of him.

I know you're wondering who I am.
So here's a clue.
We've met.
We've touched.
I'll never forget how your skin feels against mine.
Or how passionate you are.
I love that about you.

Lucy is sitting beside Angela's desk, her head in her hands again. "Howdid the video camera justhappento go out right when someone was planting this in the locker room?" she asks tiredly. It's not even nine in the morning, and her stalker has already managed to ruin her day.

"We don't know," Angela replies softly, reaching out and touching Lucy's arm. "We checked all the cameras in the immediate area; they were all out for about five minutes. We noticed the outage, but we didn't really think anything of it until you showed us the note."

"So we havenothing,"Lucy sums up, defeat clear in her voice, but Tim is shaking his head.

"Notnothing.The cameras at theentranceof the station were operational, right?" he asks, and turns his attention to Angela. She nods, eyes lighting up as she realizes where he's going. "So that means we have whoever this was on camera entering the building. It doesn't narrow it down much, but it helps. Ithasto be someone who was here this morning or last night."

"Just this morning, actually," Nyla cuts in, walking up to Angela's desk and sitting on the edge. "I got here around six; there was no note on Lucy's locker then. It had to have been placed there after I got here."

"All right," Angela says, nodding as she pulls out a pad of paper and a pencil, excitement in her voice. "This is a solid lead. I'll get right on it. We can make a list of everyone who entered the station after six this morning, and once we rule out the cops, we should have a manageable number of suspects."

"No," Lucy says, and she's shaking her head. "You can't rule out the cops. This could beanyone, and while I'd like tothinkit's not a cop… we just don't know, and I can't take any chances. We can't get this wrong."

"She's right," Tim agrees, nodding as his eyes flow over the words on the note once again. He's fighting back anger, anxiety, and a whole boatload of other emotions he's struggling to name. He's having trouble compartmentalizing as well as he normally does, and the fact that someone is targeting Lucy,again, and that they have little tono ideawho it is, isn't helping. "It could be anyone. We don't rule anyone out."

Angela nods in agreement, and stands from her desk, grabbing her pencil and paper and bidding them a quick farewell before heading off to the security room. Tim turns to Lucy, and she can tell from the look in his eyes that he's struggling.

She puts a hand on his arm and squeezes; he meets her gaze, and lets out a huge sigh.

"It's gonna be fine," she whispers, casting a glance at Nyla out of the corner of her eye as she does. She wants to comfort Tim, but she doesn't want to give them away. "Now, I bet we can still get to roll call on time, and even if not, I think Sergeant Grey will forgive us."

Tim nods, and gives himself a few seconds after Lucy and Nyla walk off to compose himself.

He's not used to feeling hopeless. The last time he felt hopeless like this was when everything happened with Isabel.

He's determined that, this time, he won't lose the woman he loves.

He will find this bastard, and he'll make him pay.

"All right, people. That's all we have for today. Good luck and be safe out there," Sergeant Grey concludes, and as everyone begins to shuffle out of the room, he notices that Bradford and Chen are hanging back.

"Problem, officers?" he questions, and Bradford nods, walking to the front of the room with Chen on his heels. He takes a step back once they're in front of the Sergeant and motions for Chen to talk.

"Sir, I'm being stalked. Between when I was promoted to P2 and now, there have been four notes of a personal and threatening nature.."

"I'm aware," Grey says, and frowns as he thinks of all that Lucy has gone through. "We've got our best detectives on it."

"Yes sir," Lucy says, and then takes a breath before continuing. "I stayed with Sergeant Bradford last night due to the fact that multiple bugs were found in my apartment, and my stalker apparently knew. He left another note outside Tim's door, and a fourth in my locker. He's escalating."

Grey frowns, considering. Lucy quickly fills him in on everything they'd discovered this morning, concluding with Angela's plan to review the security tapes and come up with a list of suspects.

"That's a good starting point. I'll make sure to assign a few trusted officers to patrol Bradford's neighborhood throughout the night, assuming you'll continue staying there?"

Lucy nods, a small blush staining her cheeks, and Grey files awaythatsmall detail for another day.

"All right, then you'll have a security presence whenever you're off duty. Beyond that, I'm afraid there's not much we can do without that list Lopez is working on."

"I know, sir," Lucy says, and offers her Seregant a small smile. "I wanted you to be aware and up to date. I'll be riding with Tim today, as well. Jackson will ride with Harper."

"Sounds good. Be safe out there," he says, and he offers both of his officers an encouraging smile before dismissing them. As he watches them walk away, he begins to form a plan.

No one messes withhismen and women.

"I think the worst part is it's someone Iknow,someone I've talked to and touched," Lucy says later that morning. They've been patrolling for an hour with little excitement, and she's been silently compiling a list of everyone she's talked to or touched recently, who would have access to the police station.

It's not a huge list, which is what scares her most.

She's very anxiously waiting for Angela to text her the list of everyone who had entered the station between six and nine that morning, so that she can begin crossing off the names of people she's never talked to or come in contact with.

"There are manyworstparts about this," Tim says, and Lucy notices the way he's gripping the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles white.

She reaches out and puts her hand over his. He startles under her touch, gaze flickering to the side to meet hers, and she smiles in encouragement.

"It's going to be OK, Tim," she says, softly, hoping to comfort him.

If anything, her words seem to upset him further.

"You can'tknowthat," he whispers, his voice pained. "We don't know if it's going to be OK, because this bastard isobsessedwith you. He thinks youbelongto him, and that's dangerous. If he feels like he's being threatened, he could escalate even more, try to hurt you or kidnap you, and if he manages to get you, there's no tellingwhathe would do.Lucy—"

"Tim, pull over," Lucy says, and her voice is quiet but firm. Tim swallows and flicks his blinker on, preparing for her to yell at him. He'd done what he'd told her he wouldn't. He'd told her he would let her take charge on this, and then he'd gone off, and —

The second the shop is in park Lucy is leaning over and taking Tim into her arms.

A sob tears from his throat without permission, and he tucks his head into her neck. Hehatesthat he's breaking down, that he wasn't able to control himself like he normally does. But the thought ofthat monstergetting to Lucy, taking her andhurting her… It's too much, even for Tim.

"I'm sorry," Lucy apologizes, rubbing her hand up and down Tim's back comfortingly. She can feel his tears soaking through her uniform shirt, and her heart breaks just a little for him. He's normally so stoic — she'd never even seen him cry with Isabel. "You're right, I can't know that everything will be OK. I can't know that, but I promise I'll be as careful as humanly possible. But Tim, I know that no matter what, no matter how this plays out, thatIwill be fine, because I know you'll come for me. If anything happens, I know you'll be there. You'll rescue me. I believe in you, and so I know that, no matter what happens, I'll be OK in the end."

Silence fills the shop for a moment, before Tim speaks, his voice quiet and soft, but sosure.There's not an ounce of uncertainty as he speaks.

"I love you," he whispers, and Lucy holds him tighter.

"I know," she says, and shedoes.

She knows Tim loves her just like she knows the sky is blue.

And the thing is…

"I love you, too."

Tim sniffles and wraps his arms around her, holding her tightly for one long moment before letting her go and pulling back. He looks bashful, and is having trouble meeting her eyes. Lucy is having exactly none of that, and puts her hand under his chin, forcing him to meet her gaze.

"It's OK to not be so in control all of the time," she says, and when Tim startles under her hand she knows she's hit the nail on the head. "Tim, you never dealt with what happened. You're not OK, and you can't compartmentalize this away. We have to deal with it, because what happened with Caleb and what's happening now are frighteningly similar, and I know if this is dragging up unpleasant memories for me, it is for you, too."

Tim stiffens, and looks away before speaking.

"I shouldn't need todeal with it.It didn't happen tome,it happened toyou!I shouldn't…Ishould be there foryou. You shouldn't have to comfort me, I wasn't the one who was kidnapped and stuffed in a barrel!" he finishes, and he feelsweak.

As much as he has tried not to let his father's shadow follow him through his life, he still clearly remembers being hit and belittled for having feelings. He'd learned at a young age that crying only meant more pain, and so he just never did.

"Tim, it happened to you, too," Lucy whispers, and she reaches up to wipe away the tears clinging to his lashes. She knows there's more going on than what he's told her — she can see that he's dealing with more than her stalker, more even than what happened with Caleb. She remembers he once told her'I had a father who tuned me up on the regular' and she wonders if being able to express his feelings or deal with them in a healthy manner was ever something he learned to do. She doubts it strongly. "Yes, I had it worse," she acknowledges. "But you went through trauma, too. You searched for me. You found me. Youdug the barrelout of the ground and pulled mydead bodyout of it before bringing me back to life. Tim, it's terrible, what you went through! Just because I had itworsedoesn't mean that you didn't also experience something horrible!"

Tim just stares at her for several moments, and she knows he's trying his best to get himself under control.

She wishes they weren't on the clock, so they could take more time and talk about this properly.

"I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to get you back," he finally admits, and Lucy grabs his hand, holding on tightly. "When I was doing CPR, and you weren't responding, I wasterrified."

"But you did," Lucy reminds him, and runs her thumb over the calloused skin of his hand.

"Yeah," Tim agrees quietly, and then smiles a little bit. "I couldn't help it, when you started breathing again. I was trying to stay professional because you were still my rookie. I don't know if you remember, but I held you. I held on to you so tightly. They had to pry you from my arms to get you into the ambulance, and I almost threatened to arrest the paramedic that told me I couldn't ride with you."

Lucy smiles, and wants to lean over and kiss him, but she knows she can't.

"I remember," she says softly, and Tim takes a deep, shaking breath in. "Tim," Lucy continues, and he meets her eyes once more. She can tell he's shifting back into Seregant Tim mode, and that's OK for now, but she knows they need to talk more later. "Don't hide your feelings from me, please?" she requests. "I want us to talk about this. And maybe… maybe we both still need a little help. I've been considering going back to therapy. And… maybe you should, too."

She knows it's a risk, asking him this, but she can see that he has complex, compacted trauma to deal with, and she knows that she can't be the only one to help him through it. For the sake of their friendship, and their relationship, he needs to seek help, and she hopes he will.

"I know you have trauma from when you were a kid," she says quickly, when she sees him start shutting down. "And from the military. And from what happened with Isabel.Andfrom being a cop for the past twelve years. Please, consider it, at least?"

For a brief moment she thinks that Tim is about to snap at her, like he did during the first few months when she was his rookie, but he takes a deep, calming breath, and then nods.

"I'll think about it," he says. "That's all I can promise for now. I'll think about it."

Lucy smiles, and squeezes his hand before letting it drop.

"Thank you," she says, and Tim nods stiffly as he turns the shop back on and maneuvers it back onto the street.

She feels lighter than she has since this whole thing began, and even though she knows her stalker is still out there, probably watching her, she feels for the first time like everything is going to be OK.

Notes:

… but WILL everything be OK? Stay tuned to find out…

Chapter 6

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Much later that evening, after showering at the station and changing into plain clothes, Lucy and Tim join Angela at her desk to go over the list of people who'd had access to the station that morning.

"It's a long list," Angela cautions as they sit down. "I didn't rule out any police officers or detectives, but Ididput them on a separate list. I figured Sergeant Grey and possibly Tim would have the most insight with that list. Here's the list of people who came and went whoaren'ton the force."

She hands Lucy and Tim a paper with eleven neatly typed names on it. Lucy scans them with great trepidation; and is a little relieved to see that she only recognizes three.

"And, not to stereotype or generalize, but your stalker is most likely male, and there's only six men on that list. Does anyone stick out to you?"

Tim is leaning over Lucy's shoulder to read the names, a frown on his lips.

"I recognize three," Lucy says, and then sighs and shakes her head. "But you and Tim were the ones who told me that stalkers don't always know their victims, at least inreality. I don't think we should rule anyone out. Maybe I spoke to someone or shook their hand and just don't remember. I know the last note said we had talked and touched, but it could have been as simple as a greeting, or putting a hand on someone's arm to comfort them."

"You're right," Angela admits, and offers Lucy a small smile. "But we have to start somewhere. Which ones do you recognize?"

Lucy bites her lip, and then scans the list again. All three she recognizes are male, but none of them stick out to her in a way that says,oh yeah, this person could be obsessed with me and following me everywhere I go. "Emmett is on here," she begins, and sighs. "But he comes and goes frequently, since he's on the LAFD. Also,hebroke up withme,so I doubt he's stalking me. Then there's Chris Sanford, he's an assistant district attorney, I think? I remember talking to him once, when he came to talk to someone I was processing. He's only been working as an ADA for a hot minute, and I remember he was … a bit of a douche. He wanted to try and charge my guy as an adult; he was only sixteen."

Tim is frowning as Lucy speaks; he doesn't remember this Chris person, and wonders where he was when this confrontation had happened.

"And the last one?" Angela asks, voice soft, and Lucy points to the very first name on the list.

"Um, a guy named Alex Turner. I had a drink with him once, but by the end of the night there wasn't a spark there, you know? I told him that, and he seemed a little upset, but he didn't make a big deal out of it or anything."

"All right. We'll start with those three," Angela says, and turns back to her desk to make a few notes in Lucy's file. "We'll bring them in for interviews tomorrow, but Lucy, if itisone of them, and they know we're on to them, they could escalate even more, if they think we're close to catching them. So you need to becareful, please."

"I will," Lucy promises, and hands the list back to Angela. "What are we going to do about the list of cops?"

"Well, there's alotmore people on that list," Angela admits, leaning back in her chair and caressing her baby bump. "About fifty, and a little more than half of them are male. But Sergeant Grey came to talk to me this morning and he's going to head up interviews with any cops who were in the building, see if we can get more information. If anyone saw something suspicious, or if they saw someone going into the women's locker rooms that didn't look like they belonged. That type of thing. When he's done he's going to sit down with me and we'll look more deeply into anyone who seemed…offin any way."

"I'd like to sit in on those interviews, as well as the ones with Emmett, Chris, and Alex," Tim says quietly, casting a glance at Lucy to see if she minds. He doesn't want to overstep, or try and take control of the situation the way she'd asked him not to.

"Tim is really good at reading people," she agrees, and gives him a little nod. "When is Grey doing the interviews?"

"Tomorrow," Angela says, and then looks back and forth between them. "If Tim's staying for the interviews, you'll have to ride with someone else, Lucy."

She nods. "I know. I'll ride with Jackson tomorrow. I can look out for myself, and he's pretty good back up to have."

Tim very much wants to find a way to keep her at the station if he's not going to be with her, but he knows that telling her as much would be the fastest way to piss her off, so he keeps his mouth shut. As much as he worries, he knows that she really is a phenomenal cop, and that she'll befinewithout him.

He'll just have to suck it up and deal with his anxiety on his own.

Lucy, as if sensing his thoughts, reaches over and puts a hand on his knee under the table. He relaxes immediately at her touch, slumping back in his seat, and Angela raises an eyebrow at them. Tim ignores her, though he knows she's going to have questions later. She's a detective,andhis best friend, and he knows she can read him like an open book.

"Anything else?" he asks, and Angela shakes her head.

"No. Go home, get some rest. We'll be busy tomorrow."

"Thank you, Angela," Lucy says sincerely, and then stands up. Angela stands with them, and then moves forward to wrap Lucy in a tight hug. Lucy sighs and melts into it.

"I'm so sorry this is happening," Angela whispers, and Lucy holds on to her tighter.

"Me, too," she admits, and then pulls back, smiling at the woman who used to be no more to her than the person who was training her fellow rookie. Now, however, she's what Lucy would call afriend, and it's nice to have people in her corner, looking out for her.

"We're going to find whoever is doing this, and they're going to pay," Angela says, and then pulls back from Lucy to grab onto Tim.

"You've gottenreallyhuggysince you got pregnant," he grunts, though he hugs her back without hesitation, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and holding her tightly. She snorts as she pulls away, whacking him on the arm.

"Shut up, I'mworriedabout you and Lucy, OK?"

"Why me? No one is stalkingme," Tim argues, and Angela rolls her eyes.

"Because if anything happens to Lucy, it hurts you, too," she says simply, and Tim shrugs. She's not wrong, even if she doesn't know howrightshe is. Every time Lucy has been in trouble in the past, Tim has been worried,terrified, but he doesn't know how he's going to feelnow, now that they've started… whatever it is they've started.

Lucy reaches over and puts her hand on Tim's arm, and he realizes that he's been standing motionless for several moments. He shakes his head, and thanks Angela again before stuffing his hands in his pockets and motioning for Lucy to start walking toward the parking garage.

"Ready to go home?" he asks, and she nods, smiling.

She knows he meanshishome, but it feels nice, knowing she won't be going home alone.

There's a note taped to Tim's door when they arrive, and Lucy feels any hope she'd had when making plans with Angela slowly drain away.

She turns to look at Tim, and she can tell that he's feeling the same hopelessness that she is.

When she reads the words on the note, her hopelessness turns to outright fear.

We have a date tomorrow.
Don't be late.

Notes:

I'm curious to know what you guys think! Who do you think the stalker is?

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

"You can't go into the station tomorrow," Tim whispers, and it's the first thing he's said since they found the note on the door. They're inside now, standing aimlessly in the kitchen, though Lucy has opened and closed the fridge several times, trying to decide if she has the energy to make something or if they should just call in take out.

"I can, and I'm going to," she says, and opens the fridge for the fourth time. There's cheese and bread, and she thinks she saw soup in the cabinet last night. Grilled cheese and tomato soup sounds likefantasticcomfort food right now. "Grilled cheese?" she asks.

"Sure," Tim says, and then, "Lucy—"

"Tim," she cuts him off, setting the cheese and bread out on the counter before turning back to him. "I'm going in."

Tim reaches a hand up to run through his hair, and tugs on the strands in frustration.

"Lucy, think about it," he starts, but she cuts him off, a frown on her face and her hand on her hip.

"Tim, I will not let thisassholecontrol my life. I won't let him keep me from my job. And, I'll probably be a hundred percent safer at the station than I would be here, or at my house,alone.I'll be with cops and detectives all day. I'mfine, and if I'mnot fine, then it'snot your fault."

"That's not why," Tim argues, but Lucy can see right through him.

"I know you blame yourself for Caleb, even though I and everyone else has told you not to. But no matter what happens with this, with my stalker, itwill not be your fault. I'm going to go to work tomorrow, no matter what."

Tim clenches his jaw, words stuck behind his teeth. He wants to argue, to yell and demand and throw around his authority to get what he wants, but he can't. Heknowshe can't, or he'll not only lose Lucy as his girlfriend (or however they're defining what they've started), but he'll lose her as a friend, and he'll lose her respect.

Instead of arguing, he decides to tell her the truth.

"I amterrified,"he finally whispers, and Lucy puts down the pan she just pulled from the rack to walk over and wrap her arms around him.

"I am, too," she admits. "I'm terrified that he's going to find me. I'm terrified that he's going to kidnap me. I'm … terrified that he's going to hurt me, to r-rape me, or-or something, but I can't let the fear control my life."

"I know," Tim says.

"I can't let him stop me from living."

"I know," Tim says, and he leans down and kisses her. He presses his lips to hers and coaxes them slowly open as one hand cups her jaw. Lucy melts into the kiss, letting her body press into his from head to toe, and slips one hand under his shirt to feel his warm skin. When he pulls back, he presses his forehead to hers and breathes in shakily. "Lucy. I'm so scared for you."

"I know."

They stand together for a long time, cheese and bread and soup forgotten, wrapped in each other's arms and breathing each other's air.

They end up skipping dinner, changing and heading straight for bed. They don't exchange a single word, but Lucy somehow knows that she's not sleeping on the couch tonight. She doesn't think Tim will let her out of his sight for a single moment, and besides, she thinks they both need the comfort.

She crawls into his bed in nothing but a large t-shirt he had handed to her and her panties. Tim stops at the end of the bed and just stares at her, eyes half lidded and lips parted.

Lucy holds out a hand, and Tim reaches out, entwining their fingers and pressing their palms together tightly.

He crawls in beside her, and she turns around, pressing her back to his chest and letting out a sigh of contentment as he pulls her even closer. He buries his head in her hair, and breathes her in.

They fall asleep entwined, skin against skin, taking comfort in each other's presence.

There's no note the next morning.

Tim drops the note off at Angela's desk early the next day, a grim look on his face and a weight on his chest.

He feels like he can'tbreathe.

He'd left Lucy ten minutes ago, had watched her walk into the women's locker room. He'd wanted nothing more than to pull her back, lock her in his house, and throw away the key.

He'd let her walk, though, even though it had nearly killed him.

"Nothing since this one?" Angela asks, and Tim shakes his head. He's still in plain clothes, hands in his pockets and eyes downcast. He's going to be late for roll call at this rate, but he doesn't care. He's not going out today, anyway; he's sitting in on interviews.

"No, and that's out of character," he says, and then pulls one hand from his pocket, running it through his hair. "I think he's going to make a move today."

Angela doesn't want to, but she agrees with him. "I do, too," she says, and then steps closer to Tim, lowering her voice. "Tim, talk to me."

He shrugs. "Not much to say. She won't let me … she won't let me protect her, and Igetit, but I'm having a hard timedealingwith it."

Angela purses her lips, frowning at her friend. Tim is looking lost, unsure, and it lookswrongon him. He's an idiot a lot of the time, but he's neverthis.

"Want to talk?" she asks, and Tim nods, once, a short, sharp movement.

"Somewhere not… here," he requests, and Angela presses a hand to his arm, leading him in the direction of the break room. After quickly making sure no one else is inside, she closes the door and leans against it before turning and staring at Tim.

"Talk," she says, with authority in her voice. "You look like a lost little boy. What's wrong?"

Tim shrugs and leans heavily against the counter.

"I'm in deep shit," he says, and Angela hums, one hand going to her belly and the other resting on her hip.

Tim pushes away from the counter, running a hand nervously through his hair.

"I'm in love with Lucy."

"Obviously."

Tim shoots Angela a 'Tim glare' but continues anyway.

"I'm in love with her, and Itoldher, and now… I can't compartmentalize. I can't stop thinking about her, worrying about her. And now this fucking stalker.I can'tlose someone else I love, Angela. I can't. I lost Isabel to the job. I almost lost Lucy. And now… what thefuckwas I thinking? Falling in love with another cop? Holyfuck,I've made a huge mistake."

Tim is expecting Angela to maybe yell at him, to call him an idiot or maybe offer him words of comfort.

Heisn'texpecting her to march up to him and slap him. It's not a hard slap, butstill.

"What the hell!?" he cries, hand going to his cheek. It won't leave a mark, he knows, but ithurts.

"You are an idiot, Tim Bradford. You didnotmake a mistake. You didnotfuck up. Everyone who has eyes can see that the two of you have been in love with each other formonths.You have this…bondthat I've never seen you have with anyone else, not even Isabel. From the beginning you've trusted her to have your back, and you've trusted her with the dark parts of yourself. Tim, you didn't tell me or Talia about your father foryears.You didn't tell us about Isabel for months. And yes, the situation forced your hand with Lucy, but you told her and she stuck by you."

Tim is opening his mouth to speak, but Angela holds up a hand to let him know she's not finished.

"And every person at the Caleb crime scene who saw you pull her out of that barrel heard the noise you made when she came back to life. They saw how you held her. So yes, this is going to be hard, and you're going to worry about her every second of every day. But she's a damn good cop, and you'll have to learn to trust her. But Tim," she says, and her voice grows soft, quiet. She reaches out again and takes his hand, squeezing it in support. "Tim, it's going to besoworthit. A life with Lucy, even filled with worry, is ten times better than a life without her."

"You're right," Tom croaks, and his voice is hoarse. Angela can see he's struggling to hold his emotions in, and wishes that he didn't try so hard to suppress everything he felt.

Hisdamn father…

"And do not yell at me for this," she adds, "But you might need to talk to someone, like professionally. I know you think it's normal, but this level of anxiety isnot,Tim, and it's not healthy."

Tom laughs and runs a hand over his face before reaching out and pulling Angela into his arms.

"Lucy said the same thing. She wants me to go to therapy."

"Lucy is a damn smart woman. You're lucky she loves you," Angela says, sniffling against Tim's shirt. Damn hormones.

"Yeah," he responds, smiling softly as he hugs his best friend. "Yeah, I am."

Through a series of terribly unfortunate events, Lucy finds herself trudging to the locker room in the middle of the day, covered from head to toe in a mixture of coffee and strawberries.

"People need to watch where the fuck they're going," she grumbles to herself as she throws open the door to the locker room and marches inside, already working on the buttons of her shirt. "Stupid people staring at theirstupidphones."

She and Jackson had stopped for coffee mid morning, and while pursuing a teenager who stole the tip jar, she was rudely run into by a man wearing a black hoodie and carrying the biggest freaking coffee she'd ever seen,anda container full of puréed strawberries.

"The hell did he even need strawberriesfor?" she groans to herself, throwing her uniform top onto the bench and reaching for her backup. She pauses though, considering. She'll probably need a new undershirt too, which she keeps on the top shelf…

Her fingers brush against something dry and coarse when she reaches up, and her heart immediately starts beating fast, her palms sweat, and her chest feels tight.

Another note.

She opens the envelope with shaking fingers.

We're alone in here.
I've waited so long to be alone with you.Turn around.

With tears in her eyes and trembling hands, she does.

"Hi, Lucy."

Chapter 8

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

It's lunch time, and despite sitting in on over twenty interviews, Tim feels no closer to figuring out who's stalking Lucy, and he'sfrustrated.

They'd spent the morning interviewing cops. No one had seen anything suspicious, and no one knew why the cameras had gone out. No one had seemed guilty, or had given offanyvibes that seemed out of the norm for Tim. And besides, he'd known most of these men and women for the better part oftwelve years, and he can't imagine any of them doing something likethis.

"This is pointless," Tim grumbles, running a hand over his face warily as Grey sets a sandwich from the food truck down in front of him. Tim reaches for it on autopilot, taking a bite and chewing slowly as he leans back in his chair.

They'd moved from the interrogation room and into Grey's office for lunch, a brief break before continuing what seemed to be a huge waste of time.

"It's not pointless, Tim," Grey says, sighing as he sits down at his own desk. He unwraps his own sandwich but lays it back down on the desk as he searches for and meets Tim's gaze. "You know how this goes. It's a long process, but with every person we cross off the list, we get closer to identifying Lucy's stalker. One step at a time."

"I know," Tim admits, sighing as he fidgets with his sandwich wrapper. "I'm just worried that we've already interviewed them, and we didn'tnotice.I didn't notice anything 'off' about Caleb. He completely slipped under my radar, and I'm worried that the same thing might happen today. What if we go through all of this, and we don't find anything? What if he still gets Lucy anyway?"

"It's possible," Grey says truthfully, reaching again for his own lunch as he flips through the file on his desk. "But this afternoon we're interviewing the three that Lucy recognized from the list Angela gave her. I'm hopeful one of them will stand out, and give us a place to start looking."

Tim nods, but he honestly isn't holding out much hope.

He wishes he were out patrolling with Lucy, and decides to spend part of his lunch checking in with her. He pulls out his phone and opens his messages, a smile tugging at his lips when he sees that he has four unread messages from her. She likes to send him random things throughout the day, and they always make him smile. Other than the first one from today being serious, the rest are what he's come to expect from her, and he's grinning and shaking his head at her antics as he reads them.

Jackson just told me that Nolan will be back tomorrow from visiting his son. I forgot that he doesn't know about the whole stalking thing yet. That'll be a fun conversation.

We should get Chinese for dinner. We just arrested this shop owner, but it smells soooo good in here. I wonder if they'll be open later, or if losing their owner is a good enough reason to close down for the day.

Omggggg look at this dog. Kojo needs a brother, Tim. [picture of Lucy holding a fluffy, brown and white puppy]

Some asshat just spilled their coffee AND their strawberries on me. Heading back to the station to change. Can I arrest someone for walking and texting? It's honestly worse than a DUI.

Tim notices that the time stamp on the last message was less than an hour ago, and wonders if she's still at the station. He decides he'll try and find her, and stands up from Grey's office chair, holding onto his phone as he gestures to it. He forgets all about his half eaten sandwich on the desk as he begins making his way to the door, only half paying attention to Grey as he excuses himself.

"Lucy is here. I'm going to go check in with her," he says, and Grey dismisses him with a smile and a wave of his hand.

"We'll start back up at 1," he reminds Tim, and Tim nods in acknowledgment before walking out of Grey's office. He fires off a quick text to Lucy (if you're still here, come see me) and heads toward the break room and locker rooms, knowing that's where he'll most likely find her.

He's disappointed to find the break room empty, and when he asks a young woman who is coming out of the locker room if Lucy was inside, she tells him no, that she hadn't seen anyone else in the time she'd been in there.

Tim sighs and leans against the wall, taking his phone out again.

I guess I missed you. We can do Chinese tonight but NO, Kojo does not need a brother. Or a sister. Be careful. Love you.

He hits send and watches the blue text bubble join the first. They both stubbornly remain on 'Delivered' (he knows she has read receipts on) and Tim tries not to worry. Lucy is probably busy. She'll read them later, when she has time.

She's fine.

He'ssureshe's fine.

He calls Jackson anyway.

"Hey, Bradford. What's up?"

Tim rolls his eyes. Since being promoted to P2, Jackson has lost some of his fear of Tim, and he longs for the days that the man trembled in his presence.

He doesn't bother with pleasantries.

"Lucy texted me earlier about the coffee incident but isn't responding now. How is she?"

"Ask her yourself. She's at the station."

Tim frowns and finds himself automatically turning and stalking toward the detective bullpen, toward Angela. If something's wrong, he needs Angela.

"No, she'snot. I've looked for her. Where are you?"

"She told me to wait at the food truck and order us both lunch. Her food is getting cold; when you find her, tell her that she'd better hurry."

Tim feels panic slowly creeping up his throat, and it's not at all helped by Jackson's causal tone. He should be more worried about his partner, Tim thinks. After today, he's getting Lucy reassigned to someone who's more careful, more vigilant. Jackson shouldn't have let her out of his sight, not while she wasliterally being stalked.

He hangs up on Jackson without another word, his hand shaking as he navigates to Lucy's contact details and presses the button to call her phone.

It goes straight to voicemail.

He tries again, and again, and by the time he's stopping in front of Angela's desk he's barely holding himself together.

"Tim?" Angela asks when she sees him, and she knows something's wrong immediately.

"Maybe she decided to take a shower," he says out loud, thinking maybe that's why she isn't answering her phone.

Angela looks at him in confusion, but quickly stands to her feet, putting a hand on Tim's arm and steering him toward the break room again.

"What's wrong?" she asks, and Tim turns to her, his eyes wide.

"He has Lucy," he whispers, and he knows as soon as he utters the words that they're true.

Angela flies into action immediately, running toward the women's locker room and bursting inside. Tim follows her, and while she'd normally yell at him about his blatant disregard for the fact that this is thewomen'slocker room, today she doesn't even care. They quickly clear the room (no one is in any of the showers, stalls, or by the lockers), and then head toward Lucy's locker together.

It's open, and Tim can see her uniform top on the ground next to it. There's a white paper on the floor, and he reaches for it with shaking hands. His heart is beating so fast he feels like he might pass out, and he feels his heart in his throat when he reads the words on the small paper.

We're alone in here.
I've waited so long to be alone with you.
Turn around.

"He has her," he whispers, and passes the note to Angela right before he feels his legs buckle underneath him. He sits heavily on the bench and drops his head into his hands. "He has her. Oh, God,he has her."

Angela squeezes his shoulder once, in comfort, before springing into motion.

"Come on. He had to take her out of here somehow, wehaveto have him on camera. We need to figure out who this bastard is, and then the entire LAPD is going to rain fire down upon him. We're going to get her back," she promises, and Tim nods, standing up and swallowing his fear as he follows his best friend out of the locker room.

They're going to get Lucy back.

They have to.

And when they find this bastard, Tim is going to make him wish he was never born.

Notes:

HOLY SHIT the feedback on the last chapter! =D Apparently comments make me write faster! Though I can't say that this one ends any better than the previous one...

Chapter 9

Notes:

PLEASE BE AWARE OF SOME OF THE NEW TAGS!

If non-con is a trigger for you in any way, please proceed with caution. It's not taken too far, but I want everyone to be warned.

(See the end of the chapter formore notes.)

Chapter Text

When Lucy wakes up, she has such a strong sense of deja vu that she immediately turns over on her side and dry heaves. She's shaking, partly from fear and partly from pain, she thinks. Her head is tender, and she vaguely remembers being hit in the back of the skull when they'd gotten to the car.

He'd had —

Oh,fuck, she thinks, and then rolls over and cradles her head with both hands.

He'd had a gun.

He'd told her that if she didn't come quietly, he would start shooting up the station. She'd been alone with him in the locker room, half undressed, and without her utility belt. She'd taken it off to change, and it was lying three feet away, so close yet so far. Her eyes had flickered to it, but he'd noticed, and yelled at her.

So she went.

She went without complaint, though her hands were shaking and she kept looking at the other officers, willing them to notice something was wrong, internallybeggingthem to notice. And if she'd run into Tim or Angela, she thinks, they would haveknown.

But no one else noticed anything was off. They didn't notice the way her hands shook, or the way he had held onto her arm possessively, or even the way she tried to make eye contact with them, terror painted clearly across her face.

She had walked throughan entire police station full of cops, and no one had noticed.

He'd gotten her outside the station quickly, and she knew that no one was going to save her.

It wasn't until they were outside of the station, away from the civilians at the front desk and her friends and co-workers sitting outside to enjoy their lunches, that she'd started to fight. She had tried to scream, but he'd seen that coming and had clasped a hand over her mouth. He wasn't much taller than her, but he was strong, and had agun.

He didn't shoot her, though. Instead, he'd hit her over the head before shoving her into the passenger seat.

She remembers his words before she'd passed out, and she shivers as they run through her mind now.

"We can finally be together, without anyone else in the way,"he'd whispered as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His hands were gentle as he traced the lines of her face, and even half conscious she had been repulsed by his touch. It didn't seem to bother him that she was bleeding from the back of her head, or that she was about to pass out. He looked at her with soft eyes, but she knew it wasn't real. It wasn't the wayTimlooked at her."I've waited so long for you. I can't wait to start our life together."

She'd lost consciousness then, and now she has no idea where she is or how long it's been.

The room is dark, but she can see the outlines of at least two windows. There are blackout curtains over them, but the light manages to shine in around the edges anyway. It's not enough to see by, however, and Lucy finds herself squinting in the darkness to try and make out her surroundings.

She's in a bed, she thinks, and her hands are immobilized. She tugs on whatever is tying them together, and has to swallow back bile when she realizes it's zip ties. The thick kind, the kind that it's almost impossible to break out of.

The kindCalebhad used.

She knows that the longer she's here, withhim,the worse it's going to be for her.

He'sobsessedwith her. He's convinced himself that they're going to have alifetogether, and she doubts it will matter even a single bit thatshedoesn't wanthim.He's created a whole world in his head, she thinks, all from the single interaction they'd had. He's likely built a story where they have been longing after each other, and now that they're finally together, she'sterrified.

She's terrified of him and what he's going to do to her.

He won't kill her, or even physically hurt her again, she doesn't think.

What he's going to do is going to be so much worse.

"Whythe fuckdid you let her go anywhere alone?!" Tim yells, and he has Jackson backed up against the wall within a single second of him entering the station. He has one large hand holding Jackson's shoulder to the wall, while the other is wrapped around his throat. He's not pressing, but hecould, and Jackson's eyes are wide and scared as he looks back and forth between Tim's angry face, Angela behind him, and the shocked and wary expressions on the faces of all the other officers.

"I didn't… I don't," Jackson stutters, but he can't form a complete thought.

He's seen Tim mad before, he thinks. But it's never been likethis.His hands are shaking where he's holding Jackson to the wall, and he's so mad that there are tears in his eyes. His whole body is trembling, with anger, fear, or worry, Jackson doesn't know, but hedoesknow that this Tim Bradford is dangerous.

"Why didn't you go with her," he asks, and all of the anger seems to melt out of him in a single second. He lets Jackson go, and backs up a step as he runs a trembling hand through his already disheveled hair. Jackson slides down the wall a little, his legs weak, and turns to look at Angela.

"Lucy was taken," she says quietly, and Jackson doesn't think he'll ever forget the sound that Tim makes then. It's one of the most distraught, broken sounds he's ever heard.

"Oh my god," he whispers, and he suddenly understands.

Lucy and Tim.

And he'd let his partner go off on her own, and she'd beenkidnapped.

Again.

Tim is pretty far gone, he knows, because he's never seen the TO like this. He's always so controlled (except for the last time Lucy was taken,Jackson reminds himself). He doesn't show emotion at work. He's the poster child for burying your feelings and letting them fester.

But right now, he'sbreaking, and Jackson doesn't think there's anything they can do to stop it.

"Our main job right now is damage control," Angela whispers to him, and Jackson nods; Tim won't be talked down, he knows, and so it's up to them to make sure he doesn't lose his job in the interim. "We're scanning all the security tapes and should have a name and a face soon. Once we do we'll be able to come up with a plan, but in the meantime…"

She trails off, and sighs as she walks toward Tim.

"Come help me check the locker room," she says, and Jackson's about to point out that it's thewomen'slocker room when Angela shoots him alook.He backs down. Maybe it doesn't matter right now, he thinks. No one else will care, so he lets it go, too. "Maybe we'll find another clue."

Tim knows they won't, but he needs the distraction until he has a solid lead he can follow. Once they have a name and a face, he cando something. He can find her, andkillwhoever it is that took her.

"OK," he says, and he follows behind Angela. Jackson follows too, though he keeps several feet between himself and Tim.

I should have gone with her,he thinks, but then he shakes his head. No, he can't allow himself to fall into self blame. Tim is guilty enough over everything that's happened to Lucy, and Jackson can't allow himself to follow him down that path. He'd sent her into thepolice station,surrounded by cops and detectives, and it should have beensafe. The station should have literally been the safest place for her. He can't blame himself for not knowing that she'd be kidnapped from under the noses ofalmost a hundred cops.

"Tim," Jackson hears, and he looks up to see Sergeant Grey running toward them, a paper clasped in his hand and a look of hope in his eyes. "We have a name."

"Hey, baby, wake up," a soft voice says, and Lucy rolls over, smiling as she searches for Tim in the bed beside her. She must have fallen back to sleep, she thinks. Last night they'd held each other so tightly, though, and she wonders why he's so far away now.

"Tim," she groans, and her head hurts.

Whydoes her head hurt?

There's a soft laugh to her left, but it's not Tim's laugh. It's not the soft, sweet noise Tim makes when she surprises a chuckle out of him, or the loud, boisterous noise he makes when he finds something truly hilarious (like making her dig through a box of a suspect's sex toys).

Thislaugh makes her skin crawl, and in a single moment everything comes rushing back to her.

She has a concussion.

She's been kidnapped.

She's tied to a bed andhe'shere and Tim isn't and she's alone and can't get free of her bindings.

"You've been sleeping a long time," he whispers, and Lucy can feel the bed dip next to her as he sits down. He reaches out to touch her and she flinches, but she can't get far enough away. His hand caresses her cheek, follows the path of her bottom lip, and cups her chin.

He leans down and kisses her forehead, and Lucy feels bile rising up her throat. She's going to throw up, she thinks, but she doesn't. She manages to hold it in, manages to hold hertearsin, even as the monster above her touches her in a way that makes her want to die.

Both of his hands are on her now, one of them gently probing the back of her head while the other runs up and down the skin of her chin, her neck, her chest. His fingers dip under her white t-shirt, grazing the tops of her breasts, and she clenches her eyes shut tightly, trying to ignore what's happening to her.

"Sorry I had to hit you, but you were making a scene," he continues, his voice calm as if they're talking about the weather. "I know you're scared, baby, but it's just me," he coos, and the sounds of his voice makes Lucy whimper in terror. "We can finally be together now. I got you away from that — thatbrutethat treats you so horribly. You don't have to worry about him anymore, baby. He can't hurt you anymore."

Tim,Lucy thinks.He's talking about Tim. He must have seen Tim yell at me once, and decided that I needed saving.

"You should rest," he says after several seconds, and then his hands are gone and Lucy canbreatheagain. "So you're ready for tonight. I don't want you to make a scene again, so we're going to have dinner here. Romantic," he adds, and leans down to kiss her gently on the lips. He's smiling, like he really believes thatthis is real."Dinner, maybe a bubble bath, and then I'm going to take you to bed," he finishes, and Lucy can't help the tears that spring to her eyes. "I'll make you forget thatheever touched you, becauseyou're mine."

She hasn't said a single word to him during this exchange, but he doesn't seem to mind. He's still smiling softly at her, like he's her lover or her best friend or someone she cares about, and it makes her blood run cold, how casual he is about what he's doing.

"Six o'clock," he says, and reaches for the alarm clock on the side of the bed. "Get some rest. I'll come get you for dinner."

He puts the clock back down after he sets the alarm, and Lucy can't help herself. She lets her eyes slide over to the clock, and chokes back a cry when she sees the time.

4:21.

She has less than two hours before this monster destroys her life.

Notes:

A) yes I realize Tim is an asshole to Jackson in this. Hang in there with me. He's going to own up to it and also eventually get the help he needs.

B) Ya'll really outdid yourselves on the feedback! Love hearing from you and it definitely encourages me to write more! ️

Chapter 10

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

"His name is Chris Sanford," Grey says, and hands the paper to Tim. They're all standing in the women's locker room, which should be weird, but no one currently seems to give a shit. A young officer sticks her head inside, sees the grouping of male officers that includes her Sergeant, and turns around immediately. "Assistant District Attorney. His background is clean, no red flags. No one suspected anything. He's on the video clear as day, was identified within minutes."

"I need to see the video," Tim says, and Grey nods.

"In my office," he says, and leads their group out of the women's locker room. They've gathered quite an audience of officers, but Tim ignores them all as they walk through.

Just like they ignoredLucy's stalker walking her out of the building under their noses.

As soon as they're in the office, Grey turns his laptop on and queues up the video, and Tim watches it with bated breath. The first video is the one outside of the women's locker room, and Lucy is walking out of the door, clearly terrified, with a man behind her, not even trying to hide his face. He's not tall, barely even taller than Lucy, but thelook in his eyesmakes Tim's blood run cold. He looks so sure of himself, and is clearly confident that he's not going to be caught.

And the thing ishe was right.

Tim watches Chris march Lucy right out of the station door. She's clearly trying to get the attention of someone,anyone,but no one seems to notice the look in her eyes, the way she's moving stiffly, or how she's so clearly frightened.

"Why is she going without a fight?" Jackson asks, and Tim clenches his teeth.

"He has a gun, youidiot,"he snaps, and doesn't even care when both Angela and Grey give him alook. "Right there, in his pocket. He probably told her that if she tried anything he'd start shooting, and Lucy wouldneverput others in danger if she could help it."

"Do we have any idea where he took her?" Angela asks, and Tim rewinds the video from the camera right outside the station.

He sees Chris hit Lucy in the head with his gun and feels sick to his stomach at the way she crumbles, the way Chris catches her and stuffs her into the car. He watches as Chris walks around to the other side of the car and climbs in, his hands moving to touch Lucy, and Timsees red.

This had all happened in the middle of the street, indaylight,andno onehad seen anything or stopped him. They'dlet this monster take Lucy, right out from under their noses.

Anentiredamnpolicedepartment.

"How did this happen?" he asks, and his voice is quiet but dangerous. "Howdid this asshole walk her through an entire building full of cops, with agun in his pocket? How did he even get in here with a gun, anyway? What the fuck iswrongwith everyone in this building?"

Grey puts a hand on Tim's arm, but he shrugs it off, shoving away from Grey's desk and stalking toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Angela asks, and Tim shoots her a look as he reaches the door.

"To find Lucy, since no one else in this goddamn station can do their fucking jobs."

He stalks out of the office, and Jackson turns to Grey, expecting him to be angry or upset. But instead he just lookssad, his eyes downcast and his posture defeated. He watches Tim stalk through the bullpen, and brushes a hand tiredly over his face.

"Go with him, please," he says, turning to Angela, and she nods, quickly following Tim out of the office. Jackson turns to his Sergeant, confused.

"Um, sir?" he asks, and Grey just shakes his head.

"Now is not the time, son. Tim iswayout of line, but yelling right now isn't going to solve anything. We find Lucy, andmaybeI get to talk to him. We don't find her, and it's not going to matter. I don't know if he'll be able to come back from this one."

This one,he says, and Jackson realizes that Tim's gone through this before.

His wife, Jackson thinks, and sighs as he sits down beside Grey's desk. Tim had lost his wife on the job. Had to watch her slowly pull away from him, becoming more and more dependent on the drugs. He'd watched her sleep with other men, and had watched her do anything and everything for the next hit. He'd watched her be arrested, be used as a CI, and then when it was all over, when she was safe and had been through rehab, he'd broken up with her.

And now Lucy has been taken from under their noses, for thesecond time. Jackson had been there the first time, had seen how close to the edge Tim had been, and knew it was going to be worse,much worse,than it had been before.

"What can I do, sir?" he asks, and Grey sighs, shrugging.

"Start learning everything you can about Chris Sanford. Places he owns, places he visits, anything that might tell us where he's taken Lucy."

Jackson nods and stands up, heading for his desk.

He'll do everything he can to help find his friend.

Lucy can't sleep.

She doesn'twantto sleep.

She has less than an hour to get thefuckout of here, because she can't eventhinkabout what will happen if she doesn't. She can't think about sitting through dinner with this monster, or what will happen after.

But the minutes tick by, and all she manages to do is make her wrists bleed. She tugs, and pulls, and even tries to break free from the headboard, but it's made of iron and doesn't budge an inch. The only thing that happens is that she makes her wrists so sore, bruised, and bloody that it hurts to move by the time she collapses back on the bed, panting and crying openly.

When Caleb had taken her, she'd been able to break free, but Chris… he had taken no chances. Her ties are strong, unbreakable, and it doesn't help that her head is pounding and she still feels like throwing up.

She glances at the clock and a fresh wave of tears come to her eyes.

5:43.

She's almost out of time.

"Tim, slow down!" Angela shouts, and she finally catches up to him right before he stalks out of the station door. "Stop! Listen to me.Listen," she insists, grabbing his arm roughly and forcing him to still his movements.

"What," he snaps, and if she were anyone else she would have flinched away from him. He's angrier than she's ever seen him, his eyes flashing and his lips set in a hard line. "Angela, every second we waste, he'shurtingher. He's —"

He stops talking, clenching his teeth. He tries to tear his arm from Angela's grasp, but she doesn't let him.

"Listen Tim," she says forcefully, and hauls him through the door and away from prying eyes. "Listen to me. Going off like this isn't going to accomplish anything. What are you going to do? Walk up and down the street looking for her? That's aimless wandering, and it won't solve anything. How we find Lucy is we learn everything we can about Chris. We send teams to his house, his work, his parents, his friends,everyone. We look anywhere he could have possibly taken her.Thatis how we find her. It's how we found Caleb, remember? He was using a house that was under the family name to hold Lucy, and that's the same way we're going to find Chris. So get your head out of your ass and come with me."

Tim stands unmoving for several moments. He won't meet her eyes, and both of his hands are clenched into fists.

"I can't go back in there," he finally says, and Angela raises an eyebrow at him. "They're… I can'tlookat anyone in there. They just … they let her walk out of there, Angela. They let him walk her right out the fucking door, and they didn't try and stop him."

"I know," Angela says, and she moves closer to Tim, wraps her arms around him and pulls his head down to her shoulder. "I know you're mad at them. It's not their fault, but you can't help it right now. So we won't go back in. What do you want to do?"

Tim lets Angela hold him for several seconds, and then pulls away, taking a deep breath to try and steady himself.

"I want to patrol. I want every detective we have digging through Chris's life, and I want us to visit those places. I want to be first on scene, in case we find her."

"OK," Angela nods, and runs her hand up and down his arm comfortingly. "All right. Let's do that. You go get the shop ready, and I'll talk to the team. I'm sure they're already tearing Chris's life apart; they may even already have some places for us to start."

Tim nods, but doesn't move. He's staring through the glass at the officers running the front desk.

He knows it's illogical to be so mad at them, but he can't help it.Hewouldn't have let Lucy walk out with that man…

… but he knows they're not him.

They hadn't spent the last thirteen months in the shop with Lucy, getting to know her every facial expression. They hadn't pulled her from a barrel and held her in their arms when she came back to life. They didn't know her like Tim did, so they probably hadn't known that she was in trouble.

"All right," he finally says, and takes a deep breath in before walking back inside.

At six o'clock on the dot, Chris walks back into the room.

"Ready for dinner, baby?" he asks, and he's smiling, but his eyes arewrong.They're empty, devoid of any emotion. His face is smiling, but his eyes hold the truth of the emptiness in his soul. The emptiness that he's trying to fill withher.

Lucy doesn't want to speak to him. She hasn't so far, but she's going tohaveto.

"If I untie you, are you gonna try running away?" he asks, and Lucy takes a deep, shaking breath in. She shakes her head; she knows if she plays along, that she'll live longer. That she'll have more sway over him and maybe, justmaybe, she can delay the inevitable. "Good girl," Chris says, and Lucy swallows around the lump in her throat.

Chris moves to sit beside her head, and makes a distressed noise when he sees her wrists.

"Oh, baby," he whispers, and he brushes his fingers over the bruised and swollen skin. "You tried to get away. I'm sorry, I know you're scared. I wish I hadn't had to hurt you, but you were being stubborn. It's one of the things I love about you, how stubborn you are, but Iamsorry I had to hit you."

Lucy nods, and tries to offer him a smile as he cuts the zip ties. She immediately lets her hands fall into her lap, and rubs the warm, aching skin of her wrists. She wants to shy away from him, to run as fast as she can. Every instinct she has tells her tofight, but she knows that, in this case, her instincts are wrong.

She needs to play along. If she plays along, she lives longer.

It's simple.

She has to play into his delusion.

Just long enough for Tim to find her.

(Because sheknowshe's got the entire force looking for her.)

"Is it dinner time?" she asks, and her voice is more hoarse than she had anticipated. She clears it and tries again. "I'm starving."

Chris smiles and holds out a hand.

She takes it, and lets him pull her to her feet.

Notes:

You guys are officially my favorite fandom. I've never felt so loved and been so motivated to write! So here's another chapter for you!

Chapter 11

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Sitting down to dinner with her stalker is possibly the most nerve-wracking thing Lucy has ever done. She's faced hardened criminals, she's been shot, she's literallydied, even. She lived with verbally abusive parents for years, and continued to let them into her life long past when she should have.

She survived training with Tim Bradford.

She's lived through some difficult, fucked-up things.

But this isdifferent.

"More wine?" Chris asks, and Lucy nods shakily. She's barely eaten two bites, but her stomach is clenching uncomfortably. She feels like she's going to throw up, but she tries to force a smile regardless of the riot going on in her stomach.

"Yes, please," she whispers, her voice barely audible, and Chris puts his hand over hers as he leans over to refill her glass.

"Do you like the food?" he asks, and Lucy wants to cry. She wants to cry and run and beliterally anywhere except for here, but she can't and it's killing her.

"Yes," she says, and her voice is shaking. This shouldn't be that different from the undercover work she's done, she knows. But this is deeply personal, and it's easier to put on a facade when she's pretending to be someone else. It's much harder when it's her life at stake, when her ability to act might be the one thing that keeps her from living her worst nightmare.

"Really? Because you don't seem to be eating."

Chris's voice has been soft and evenkindfor the most part the entire time he's had her, but now there's a hard edge to it. He eyes her suspiciously, and she takes a deep breath, forcing herself to relax a little bit.

"I'm sorry, Chris," she says, and she tries to make her voice as soft and non confrontational as she can. She offers him a smile, and while she feels sick that she's essentiallyflirtingwith her stalker and now kidnapper, she can see it working immediately. "My head hurts, that's all. It's making my stomach queasy."

"Oh," Chris says, and the hard edge to his voice is gone. He's smiling again when he reaches out to entwine their fingers. "I'm sorry, baby. But try a few more bites, please. Having an empty stomach won't make it better."

Lucy nods and forces herself to eat three more bites of the chicken and vegetables before putting her fork down. She sips from her wine glass, and focuses her attention on making sure her hands don't shake. It's getting… easier, to pretend, she thinks. She has a goal, and that goal is to keep this monster from raping her, or hurting her in any other way, physical or emotional.

"That bath you mentioned sounds nice," she says, and Chris grins.

"I'll go get it ready."

Chris stands, and then pauses, turning around and leveling Lucy with a look. "You're not going to go anywhere are you?"

Lucy shakes her head.

She wouldtry, but she'd seen the locks on the door when she'd come into the kitchen. The windows were bolted and nailed shut, and the door had a padlock on it. She wouldn't have the time or the strength to get out. The only thing trying to escape would accomplish is to piss him off, and she has a strong feeling that she doesn't want to do that.

He's unstable, volatile, and dangerous.

"No," she whispers, and Chris smiles, cupping her chin in his hand and caressing her cheek with his thumb. He leans down and kisses her, his lips pressed to hers for a long moment. She wants to cry, but she forces herself to kiss him back, to press into him, and she hates herself for it.

"Be right back," Chris says, and walks toward the bathroom.

Lucy slumps back in her chair. She releases a shuddering breath, and quickly swipes tears from her eyes with one hand while rubbing her lips with the back of the other. She feels dirty, andhatesthat she had kissed him back willingly.

She's just managed to calm down enough to think straight when Chris comes back in, wiping his hands on a small towel. He smells like vanilla, and Lucy finds her anxiety growing.

"Ready?" he asks, and she nods.

He holds out a hand and she takes it, letting him pull her to her feet. She sways briefly, and knows immediately that he'd put something in her wine. The dizziness and weakness she feels can't bejustthe concussion. It's not enough to make her pass out, but she feelsslowandsluggish. Chris helps steady her, and she breathes deeply as they make their way toward the bathroom. They step inside, and Chris closes the door behind them.

Lucy's hands are shaking as she eyes the set up.

He's lit candles; they're on every surface, creating what would be a romantic glow if it weren't forwhoshe's with. She's about to thank him and wait for him to leave the bathroom when his hands fall to the button on his pants. He begins to unbuckle them, and she feels panic climbing up her throat.

"Hurry up, baby," he says, and he reaches out and wraps a hand around her wrist, squeezing it. Lucy winces from the pain, but takes it for the warning that it is.

"T-together?" she asks, and Chris scoffs, giving her a look. Lucy nods, taking in a shaking breath, and brings her hand to the hem of her shirt.

Is she really going to do this? Is she going to get naked and get in the bathwith this man?

Chris steps closer to her, and where his eyes had been empty before, they're full of fire now. She shrinks under his gaze and lets out a whimper when he reaches out and takes her shirt off for her. She feels exposed in front of him, and closes her eyes, fighting back tears, when he moves to take her pants off. He strips her quickly and efficiently, and she's openly crying by the time she's standing naked in front of him.

"Get in," he says, and Lucy hiccups a sob.

She doesn't want to.

She should befightingthis, she shouldn't be… she shouldn't begoing along with it.

Is it rape if she lets it happen?

Is it assault if she doesn't fight back?

Yes, she decides. Itwillbe rape and assult. She's drugged. She doesn't want this. She doesn't wanthim. She just knows that fighting him will make it a hundred times worse.

She climbs into the bath with shaking legs, and curls her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as Chris climbs in behind her and pulls her naked body to his. She can feel him against her back, aroused and hard, and she wants to die.

She wants this nightmare to be over.

They've visited Chris's parents and his brother, but none of them has any idea where he is. They're heading toward Chris's house now, and while Tim highly doubts that he took Lucy tohis own house, he knows they might find clues or evidence there.

He's gripping the steering wheel so tightly that he'd lost feeling in his fingers several minutes ago.

"We're going to find her," Angela says, and Tim knows she's telling the truth.

Theywillfind her, but he has no idea what condition she'll be in when they do.

He has no idea if she'll even be alive.

"He's had her for seven hours," he says instead, and he knows what can happen in seven hours.

Angela doesn't respond. She knows that there's nothing she can say that will help. So, instead, she goes back to the shop's laptop, scrolling through the information from her team. They've just identified and sent information on three different real estate holdings linked to Chris's name; his home, a hunting cabin, and a house that was owned by his late aunt. It's not in Chris's nameyet, but it was willed to him and his brother, 50/50, so it came up during the search.

She tells Tim about all three and he slams his foot on the brake.

"She won't be at his house," he says, and looks torn. "We shouldn't waste time going there. We can send Jackson and Harper, or … fuck, anyone. Our time will be best spent checking one of the other spots. They're better hiding spots, more isolated."

"All right," Angela agrees, and turns the laptop so he can see it. "Which one?"

Tim glances at each address; the cabin is a good thirty minutes north, and his aunt's house twenty in the opposite direction. They won't be able to check them both in less than an hour, and he knows that Lucy doesn't have that kind of time.

"I don't know," he admits. He wishes desperately that he did, but hedoesn't. They're equally probable, and if he chooses incorrectly, Lucy could die. Or worse. "I don't know. Ican't—"

Angela understands immediately, and takes the laptop back. "All right. That's fine, Tim. Hold on a second."

She scans the information quickly, trying to decide. The cabin is isolated, so Chris would have the time and privacy to do whatever he wanted. On the other hand, the aunt's house isn't in his name, so he might think it's safer.

She bites her lip, thinking.

"The cabin," she decides, and Tim nods. Angela rattles off the address and Tim flips the shop's lights on before easing them back onto the road. He presses the gas pedal, and counts down the seconds until he gets to Lucy.

Lucy is trembling and crying in Chris's arms, and she can tell it's annoying him, but she can't help it. His hands are all over her body. It's not sexual (yet, she reminds herself); he's just washing her, and he's gentle about it, but it's wrong. It's sowrongand she's lived through a lot but she's not sure how she's going to live through this.

Being kidnapped and stuffed in a barrel and buried alive wasn't this bad. She could deal with that. The physical wounds healed and the nightmares faded, but this.

This…is violating in a way she's never experienced before.

She knows she's strong, and she's an excellent cop and a badass when it comes to undercover work.

But she can't fake her way through this.

She can't stop the tears.

Chris's hand travels between her legs and she lets out a loud, harsh sob.

"Hey, baby," he whispers, and he presses his lips to her shoulder. "It's OK. I'm not gonna hurt you, Lucy. I'm gonna make you feel good. You'll like it, I promise."

"Please don't," she whispers, and tries to clench her thighs closed. He pinches the skin of her stomach roughly between his fingers, and forces her legs open with his other hand.

"Lucy," he says again, and this time his voice is harsh. He moves the hand on her shoulder to wrap around her neck and squeezes tightly. Whatever he'd drugged her with is making her movements feel slow, and she can't keep her thighs clenched. Her muscles are weak and she's dizzy; they fall open against her will.

Chris loosens his grip on her throat just enough to let her breath deeply, and she slumps back against him.

His hand is between her legs again, touching her, and she's crying,weeping.

"Good girl," he whispers.

She can't be letting this happen, she thinks.

She has totry.

She knows it won't do any good, but she has totry.

She rears back and slams her head into his nose. His hand moves away from her, which she's thankful for, but as soon as he's recovered from the shock he's wrapped his fingers around her throat again and shoved her face forward, into the water.

She hadn't even had time to try and get out of the tub.

"Bitch!" he cries, and the word is distorted through the water filling her ears and her throat. She sees a pink tinge in the water and feels satisfaction that, at the very least, she made him bleed.

He holds her under for just long enough that her vision is beginning to black out, and when he pulls her out of the water, his voice is sugary sweet.

"I'm sorry, baby," he says, and kisses her on the temple as she chokes and sputters on the water that had made its way into her lungs. "I'm sorry, but you made me do it. I didn't mean to. Don'tdo that,and I won't have to hurt you."

Lucy nods frantically, coughing desperately to clear her lungs.

Chris sighs, and shoves her forward. He climbs out of the bath and grabs a towel, wrapping it around his hips as he runs a hand through his wet hair. He's pacing, and she can see that he's on the edge.

"Fuck, you ruined the mood. Goddamnit, Lucy!"

Lucy wraps her arms around her knees, breathing out a sigh of relief.

At the very least, she's bought herself some time.

Tim, please hurry,she thinks desperately.

Notes:

Also, if anyone wants to check it out, I just posted a happier (ish) story! It's a "I really wish this would happen" for the end of season 4!

I'll Take Your Hand When Thunder Roars - check it out on my profile!

Chapter 12

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Tim turns the lights and sirens off when they're about a mile away. He dims the lights, and slows down. He's white-knuckling the wheel, and his heart is beating so hard he can feel it in every extremity.

"What if she's not here?" he asks, his voice a whisper, and Angela speaks up for the first time since she decided that they should try the cabin.

"Then we try again," she says, and leans forward in her seat as the cabin becomes clear in the distance. It's small; one story, probably less than three rooms. But there are lights on in the window, and Angela lets herself feelhopefor the first time since she'd hauled Tim out of the station. "We sent units to each of his other houses and they've reported back. They haven't found anything, so the chances are good, Tim. We're going to find her."

Tim nods but doesn't speak. He isn't a superstitious person, but he doesn't want to jinx this.

He stops and parks the shop a hundred yards away. He doesn't want to spook this man. He doesn't want to give him any reason to hurt Lucy.

Tim and Angela climb out of the shop, closing the doors softly so that they don't make any noise and alert Chris (if he's in there). Tim makes his way around to the back, opening the trunk and rooting around in their war bags. He grabs an extra clip for his gun, smoke grenades, his taser, and, with shaking hands, attaches it all to his utility belt. He grabs both of the bullet proof vests, hands one to Angela, and fastens the other around himself. When he's ready, he looks up and meets Angela's eyes.

"Let's go get your girl," she says, and Tim nods.

As they approach the house, Angela grabs her radio and speaks into it quietly.

"Control, this is 7-Adam-100. We are at the suspects cabin. Lights on; someone's home. We're requesting backup, an RA, and airship."

"Copy, 7-Adam-100. Backup, RA, and airship have been dispatched. Please wait for additional units before you breach."

Tim shakes his head at her, and Angela sighs, depressing the talk button again. "Negative, control. We're headed in now. Officer Chen doesn't have time to wait."

She puts the radio back on her belt, and grips her gun tightly.

She and Tim approach slowly, and when they're against the house, they pause. Tim turns to stare at Angela, and nods his head toward the front porch. Hinges on the inside, which means the door opens in.

"Ready?" he whispers, and Angela nods, taking up position on the other side of the door. Tim turns and kicks the door as hard as he can; it buckles under his weight immediately, and they're inside.

"What the hell…" he whispers, and Angela feels her heart sink all the way to her feet as her eyes sweep the cabin.

The cabin is one single room, and it is completely empty.

Lucy is on the bed again, her hands secured to the headboard and her feet to the footboard, thick zip ties cutting into her skin once again. She's still naked, and she's never felt more exposed in her entire life.

When she was with Caleb, she hadn't been this thoroughly tied down, locked in, or drugged. She's helpless, and she hates to think of herself as a damsel in distress, but it's a pretty good description at the moment. Shedoesneed rescuing, because in her current state, she can't do it herself.

Maybe later, when he's done with her, she can beg him to untie her. If he does, she can try and escape while he sleeps, she thinks, and tears come to her eyes at the thought. He's in the bathroom now, cleaning up, but she knows he'll be back any moment.

She tugs against the zip ties and wonders if dislocating her thumb will be enough to get out. But even if it is, she doesn't know how to get her feet undone; there's nothing sharp in the room that she's seen, and he's tightened the zip ties around her ankles as tight as they could possibly go. They're biting into her skin and her toes are tingling; there's no way she can get out of them without a knife or scissors.

"You doing OK in there, baby?" Chris asks, and he sticks his head out of the bathroom to smile at her. "I'm almost done in here, and then I'll be right there."

Lucy doesn't even bother pretending anymore.

Maybe, if she'd fought from the beginning, she thinks… but she doesn't really believe she would have stood a chance, not when Chris had a gun, and she was concussed and drugged. She could fight her way out of many things, but evenshecouldn't muster the strength needed to escape this situation.

"Please let me go," she begs, and shehatesthat she's begging. She hates that she's been reduced to this, but she will doanythingto prevent him from raping her. Anything.

"No can do, Lucy," Chris says, and he's wiping his hands on a towel as he comes out of the bathroom. He still has only a towel wrapped around his waist, and Lucy can see he's still aroused. The sight causes more tears to leak from her eyes, and she wonders if there's any way she can knock herself unconscious so she doesn't have to be awake for this.

She doesn't want to be awake for this.

"Don't do this," she tries, and pulls against her restraints. It's futile, but she can't help it. "You don't want to do this. Tim… my friends, they're looking for me. A-and if you hurt me, they're going to hurt you. You'll spend the rest of your life in jail."

"I don't think so," Chris says, and he discards the hand towel to the side and unwraps the towel around his waist. He folds it twice, and then reaches under Lucy's hips, his large hand splayed posessively on her stomach, and settles the towel under her. "Just in case we get messy," he says, and then he's climbing on the bed, straddling her hips. He reaches one hand down to wrap around his cock, pumping it and moaning in pleasure, while the other reaches between her legs, moving them as far apart as he can.

"Please don't," she sobs, and she's crying so hard she can't see clearly. Her chest is heaving and her whole body is trembling.

She wants to fight. She wants tohurthim, but she's helpless.

"It's OK, baby," he whispers, and he leans down, kissing her cheek, her eyelids, her nose. "It's OK. I'm going to make you feel good. You'll see. You'll get used to it, Lucy. Eventually I won't even have to tie you down."

Lucy throws her head back andsobs.

Tim paces the length of the cabin, his hands in his hair. He's been pulling at the strands frantically for several minutes, and ithurts,but it's the only thing helping him focus.

"Why aren't they here?" he asks, and he's close to breaking. He can tell that he's close to the edge. If they don't find Lucy… if thatmonsterhurts her or rapes her orkillsher, he doesn't know what he'll do. He doesn't know how he'll survive, howshe'llsurvive. "Where are they?Where are they?"

Angela is at a loss.

She'sdoesn't knowwhere Lucy could be. They've checked every real estate holding in Chris's name, every family member, every friend. They haven't found him or Lucy, or even a sign that either of them had been anywhere near any of the places they'd checked.

"I don't know," she admits, and Tim slams his fist into the wall. He breaks through the plaster and screams, both from pain and frustration.

Angela is beside him in a moment, one hand wrapping around his arm while the other settles on his shoulder. His whole body is shaking, trembling, and she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to help her friend.

"I can't lose her," he says, and he drops his head to her shoulder. She runs her fingers through his hair, holding him tightly, and lets him cry into her neck.

"I know, Tim," she says, and shedoes. She knows that Tim will never be the same, if they don't find her. Hell, he might never be the same even if theydofind her.

She's holding him tightly, trying to keep him from shaking apart, when she sees the photo.

"Tim," she says, and he pulls back, his eyes red and his cheeks stained with tear tracks. "Tim,look."

She points to the photo, and she hears him gasp when he sees what she'd seen.

It's a photo of the cabin, during the daylight, and in the distance there's another house. It's further from the water, and larger, possibly an additional place where Chris's family would stay when they visited, since the cabin was so small. It's within the fencing around the cabin, though, so she knows immediately that they belong to the same person.

"Let's go," Tim says, visibly pulling himself together.

He and Angela are out of the cabin and heading toward the house within seconds.

Lucy can't move much, but she's decided that she's not going to let this happen without a fight. She's going to make it as hard for him as she possibly can.

She tried playing along, and itmighthave worked if she hadn't pissed him off in the tub. She might have been able to claim that she felt sick and dizzy from the hit and didn't want their first time to be when she didn't feel well. Hemighthave bought it, and she might have been able to buy Tim time to find her.

But now, she's out of options.

All she has left is to fight.

He leans down to kiss her, and she bites his lip as hard as she can. She can taste blood, and he cries out, rearing back, and Lucy braces herself for the hit she knows is coming. He doesn't disappoint, and she cries out when his fist makes contact with her face. She feels the skin of her cheek splitting, and she can hear something crack in her jaw. She hopes desperately that it's just dislocated and not broken. Not that it's going to matter; she's going to fight this until the end, even if the end is her death.

"Fuck!" Chris screams, and he sits back, reaching into the bedside table. He comes back immediately with duct tape, and wraps it around her head, making sure that she can't lick it enough to cause it to fall off. "You're gonna regret that," he adds, and his voice is dangerous.

Lucy may not have her teeth, but she can still complicate this for him.

She squeezes her thighs together, rolling as far on her side as she can. He grabs her legs with his hands and forces them open, pressing her shackled feet flat to the bed. She's exposed to him, and it looks like he's about done playing games.

"Fuck you," she snarls, though the effect is ruined by the way its muffled under the tape.

Chris just laughs (a horrifying sound), and roughly pushes a finger inside of her. She's bone dry, and ithurts. Tears leak from her eyes, and she tries to pull her body away from him. She can't, and she knows the end is coming.

"You'll come around," Chris reassures her. "You'll figure out that this is what's best for you. It might be difficult right now, Lucy, but you'remine, and the sooner you accept it, the sooner I won't have to hurt you anymore. Now,are you going to stop fighting me?"

Lucy shakes her head frantically.

Chris gives her a disappointed look.

"Just remember, Lucy, you made me do this," he says, and he repositions, pressing his knee into her ankle. She knows what he's going to do, and bits her lip to prepare for the pain.

He presses down as hard as he can, and she hears thesnapseconds before she's screaming so loud she can't hear anything anymore.

Tim can hear her, and the sounds she's making break his heart and make anger flair through every part of his body.

He's going to kill Chris.

Lucy is screaming, but the sound is muffled. She must be gagged, he thinks, and he doesn't even take the time to clear the area before kicking the door down. Angela follows him quickly, running inside and clearing the main room. A glance behind her lets her know that Tim had just knocked down a door that hadthree different locks,one of them a padlock, and she reminds herself to never piss him off.

"Tim," she whispers, and she nods her head in the direction where the screaming is coming from.

Tim nods, and, with his heart beating in his throat, moves quietly to the door. He meets Angela's gaze, and holds up three fingers.

Three,he mouths.Two… one…

He rears back and kicks the door as hard as he can. It flies off the hinges, and Tim seesred.

"What thefuck,"he hears, but Chris doesn't get a chance to say else anything before Tim is on him. He has his hands wrapped around Chris's throat, and he's pulling the man off of Lucy's naked body.

"Tim," Lucy whimpers, and it's muffled through the tape wrapped around her mouth.

He wants to run to her, to free her from her bonds, and to take her in his arms and never let her go, but Chris is struggling beneath him.

I'm going to kill him,he thinks, and uses his leg to swipe Chris's knees out from under him. He falls heavily to the ground, and Tim is on him immediately.

"You," Tim snarls, and he can hear Angela behind him, murmuring comfortingly to Lucy as he unties her. Lucy is crying,sobbing,in pain and fear and relief, and he wants to go to her. "Youhurt Lucy," he says, and his voice is quiet, dangerous.

Chris looks scared, Tim thinks, and heshould be.

He knows that if he uses unreasonable force on this man that he could walk. He could get the charges thrown out, and Lucy's kidnapper, her stalker, her assaulter, heralmost rapistcould get away with less than a slap on the wrist.

He can't let that happen,he can't.

But he can't help himself.

He pulls his arms back, fist clenched tightly.

He's about to beat theshitout of the man under him when he feels a hand on his arm, and when he looks back every bit of anger inside of him melts.

"Tim, don't," Lucy says softly, her voice slurred. Her eyes are wet with tears and glazed over; she's been drugged, he realizes. She's wrapped in the sheet from the bed, and Tim lets his eyes catalog all of her visible injuries. Her wrists are bloody, bruised, and torn. Her eye is black, her cheek split, and her jaw is swollen. He knows there's more, but the injuries are hidden under the sheet Angela has wrapped around her.

"Tim," she says again, and he can tell that it's taking her a considerable amount of effort to talk. "This isn't who you are. Don't do this; it'llchangeyou," she whispers, and he's reminded of a time when she'd stood outside of his drug addicted wife's apartment and said almost the same thing to him.

This won't change her, but it'll sure as hell change you.

He'd listened to her then, as much as it pained him, and he'll listen to her now.

He wants to hurt the man on the floor. He wants tokillhim, to make him feel every ounce of pain and fear he'd made Lucy feel.

But he can't.

He can't become that person.

He can't let this man walk away from the terrible crimes he'd committed.

He drops Chris to the floor, letting Angela take over as he reaches toward Lucy. He pauses just inches away, hands trembling, tears coursing down his cheeks.

What if she doesn't want to betouched?

"Tim," Lucy sobs, and she throws herself into his arms, crying out when her leg twists at an unnatural angle. Tim feels new anger flare inside of him, quickly followed by satisfaction when he hears Angela bash Chris's head into the dresser.

"Oops," she says, and Tim can hear the anger in her voice, too. "Didn't see that there. Sorry."

"Lucy," he says, and he holds her close. He lets his shaking hands run up and down her back, and he holds her as close as he can without causing her more pain.

He can hear the sirens outside; their backup has arrived, but he doesn't care. Everything he needs is in his arms, safe.

He's never going to let anything happen to her again.

Notes:

Aaaaaaand they've found Lucy! But unfortunately for her this is just the beginning. It's going to take her a while to recover from this!

Love you all! ️ Thank you for being so faithful with reading/commenting! I've got a lot left planned. Tim and Lucy have a lot of healing to do now.

See you soon!

Chapter 13

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

As soon as Angela hauls Chris (none-too-gently) out of the room, Lucybreaks.

She falls apart in Tim's arms, and he can do nothing but hold her.

"I've got you," he whispers, and he kisses her hair gently. He runs his hand up and down her back, holds her to him as tightly as he dares. He shifts them, carefully, until he's sitting on his ass on the floor, and cradles her to his chest. She curls into a ball and sobs loudly, her chest heaving and her breath uneven.

She's panicking, Tim thinks, and feels tears slip down his own face.

"It's gonna be okay, Lucy," he whispers, and he rocks them back and forth. He can see Angela watching them from the living room; she's got Chris handcuffed to the table, and has her gun trained on him.

Tim stares at her, silently begging for help.

What should he do?

Whatcanhe do?

Angela just shakes her head.

"Tim," Lucy whispers, and all of his attention is back on her.

"I'm here," he coos, and he runs his shaking fingers through her hair again. "I'm here."

Lucy nods and presses tighter into him, and he knows it has to hurt. The entire left side of her face is swollen, and her ankle is surely broken, but she doesn't seem to notice. Adrenaline, he realizes.

Whereis the damn ambulance?

Tim doesn't know what to do, so he does the only thing he can think of.

He talks.

"We got him, Lu," he says, and he kisses whatever skin he can reach in between his words. He gently kisses her temple, and her swollen cheek, her eyelids and her hair. "We got him and he's going to spend the rest of his life rotting in jail. He can't hurt you anymore, baby."

Lucy makes anoise, and Tim'sterrifiedfor a second that he's hurt her.

And he has, just notphysically.

"Don't call me… don't call mebaby," she says, and she's choking on a fresh wave of sobs.

Tim understands immediately, and he wants to kill Chris all over again.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, and he buries his face in her neck. "I'm so sorry, Lucy. I'm sorry."

There's nothing else he can say, or do, he thinks.

All he can do is be here for her.

The ambulance arrives what feels like an eternity later, and Lucy has a proper panic attack when the paramedics try to take her away from Tim. She can't breathe, she can't see through the darkness clouding her vision, and she feels like she's seconds from passing out.

"Back thefuck up," Tim growls, and the wieght on her chest loosens.

He's here.

"Sir, we need to —"

Tim cuts the paramedic off before he can say anything else, and he's there again, touching her, grounding her.

"Youneed togive her some fucking space. She's panicking. She'sterrified, so take a step back before Iend you."

The paramedic wisely steps back, and Tim goes back to Lucy. He'd moved out of the way exactly as long as it took for the EMTs to decide that Lucy didn't have any life threatening injuries, and now he's back, sliding one arm under her neck and the other under her knees. He lifts her and presses her gently to his chest, and she can finally breathe again.

"I'll take her to the ambulance," he says, and the paramedic shows a frightening lack of self preservation when he tells Tim, "You can't ride with us."

"Like hell I can't," Tim says, and pushes past him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Angela, bless her, steps in, and Tim walks past them without another thought. He can hear his best friend laying into the EMT, and he loves her. He doesn't know how he would have done this without her, how he would have gotten his head on straight enough to find Lucy.

He knows he'll have to thank her later,for so much, but for right now all he can feel or see or think about is the woman in his arms.

"Not gonna leave you," he whispers, and Lucy nods against his chest.

He thinks the worst of it is over, once they're in the ambulance, but then they start trying to insert IVs and hold Lucy down andask her questions.

She's crying again, trying to get away, and Tim thinks that she might be in shock. She doesn't seem to know where they are or what's happening, and it's breaking his heart. He immediately starts to climb into the cot behind her, and the paramedic (thankfully not the idiot he'd dealt with inside) opens her mouth to speak but he stops her witha look.

"She's freaking out, and she trusts me. Let me do this, and forfuck's sake, quit trying to tie her down. We just rescued her from a man who had her strapped, naked, to a bed, and was planning onraping her. If you try to tie her down again, you will regret yourentirelife," he warns, and the paramedic swallows and nods.

"Can I at least give her a sedative, sir?" she asks, and Tim feels a little bad for his outburst, but not bad enough to apologize. He's just glad to see that this woman has some sense, and will listen to him. He nods; Lucy could use it, he thinks. It's probably best if she's not awake for this part, or at least more calm.

"Just enough to calm her down," he decides. "She has a concussion, I think, so she should probably stay conscious," he says, and the paramedic nods.

"Hey, Lucy," she says, turning her attention to the woman in Tim's arms, and her voice is soft. She doesn't reach out to touch Lucy again until she looks up and meets her eyes. "I'm gonna put something in your IV to help you relax. Is that OK?"

Lucy nods, and Tim feels a little bad for snapping at the paramedic. She's clearly good at her job, and as soon as he'd mentioned Lucy had been assaulted, her entire approach had changed. It was possible she just hadn'tknown, but now that she does, she's doing things exactly right.

"My name is Sammy. I'm going to take good care of you. And your boyfriend is right here. He's been with you the whole time, and he'll make sure you're safe."

"Safe with Tim," Lucy says, nodding, and she presses back into his chest.

"Yeah," Sammy agrees, and offers Tim a small smile. "You're safe with me and Tim. Now, can you tell me where you're hurt?"

The medication takes effect immediately, and Tim finds himself thankful that Sammy had insisted on inserting an IV. Lucy relaxes back into him, the fight draining out of her body in seconds, and sighs as she tucks her face into Tim's neck.

"Broke my ankle," she says, and Sammy nods; that had been immediately clear. Her entire foot was swollen, purple and blue and horrifying. It's been set, but the paramedic knows she's probably going to need surgery.

"We saw that, and gave you some pain meds. They should be helping. What else?"

Lucy lets out a tired sigh. "He slapped me. Cheek. A-and hit me. Jaw dislocated or broken, not sure."

Tim feels his anger growing as Lucy lists her injuries. He sees Sammy carefully cleaning and dressing the wounds on her wrists, and with every new bruise and cut revealed, he wants nothing more than to hurt Chris. To recreate every wound he'd given Lucy.

"That's very good, Lucy. Thank you for telling me all of that. We're gonna take good care of you. One more question, and I'll let you rest, OK?"

Lucy nods, and she already looks half asleep. Tim is torn between wanting her to sleep through the worst of this, and wanting her to stay awake.

"Lucy, do we need to do a rape kit?"

Sammy's voice is soft, comforting, but Tim can't help the tears that leak from his eyes at her words. He doesn'tthinkthat … thatanimalhad time to do anything, but he hadn't been there. What if he'd been too late? What if Chris had already raped her? What if he and Angela had beentoo late—

"N-no," Lucy stutters, and Tim feels himself deflate in relief. "He… Um, he touched me," she says, and Tim buries his head in her hair. He knows that this is a thousand times worse for her than it is for him, of course, but his heart isbreakingfor her. "And… a-and he put his finger inside of me, but Tim got there in time."

Thank fuck, Tim thinks.

"Okay," Sammy says, and smiles softly at Lucy. "That's good. We'll still run some tests, but that's so good, Lucy. You can rest now, honey. I'll be right here if you need me, but I think Tim has that covered."

Lucy smiles and hums, and presses further into Tim's chest.

She's safe now.

Several hours later, Lucy has been settled into a bed, her injuries have been cataloged, and she's sleeping peacefully for the first time since she'd left Tim's bed the morning before. It's the middle of the night, and Tim can feel exhaustion creeping up on him, but he's not leaving her.

"Hey," a soft voice interrupts his thoughts, and he turns to see Angela in the doorway. She's changed and cleaned up, and she's carrying a vase of flowers with her. They're lilies, Lucy's favorite, and Tim feels his throat tighten as his best friend enters the room.

He stands up, takes the flowers from her hands and sets them safely on Lucy's bedside table before taking Angela into his arms and holding her so tightly he's sure it's painful.

"Thank you," he whispers fiercely, and he melts into her arms as she hugs him back. "Thank you for everything. For being there for me, for making sure I didn't do something stupid, and for saving Lucy."

Angela nods against his chest and sighs. "You're welcome, but you don't have to thank me. I did it because I love you, and I love her."

Tim pulls back after several seconds, and leads Angela to the chairs beside Lucy's bed. He lets her take the comfortable one, sure that she's miserable after their horrifyingly long day. She's almost five months pregnant, and shouldn't evenbeon active duty, but she'd followed him anyway, knocking sense into him and keeping his head on straight enough that they'd been able to find Lucy.

"She's gonna be OK," Angela says, and Tim shakes his head.

"This won't be like last time," he says, voice soft but sure. "Caleb hurt her, but Chrisviolatedher. A few sessions of therapy won't do the trick this time."

"I know," Angela responds, and puts one of her hands on Tim's where it's resting on Lucy's bed. "Iknow that, Tim, but I mean she's going to be OK because she has you, and she has us. Nolan and Jackson and Nyla and Grey and Wesley and everyone else at the station. We've got her back. It's going to be a long road to recovery, but shewill be OKin the end."

"I don't know how to do this," Tim admits, his voice quiet, and Angela squeezes his hand.

"No one does.Lucysure as hell doesn't know how to do this, how to heal from this. But you can't let that stop you from doing it anyway. It's gonna suck, but you gotta muddle through it right beside her."

"I won't leave her," Tim says, as if he thinks that's what Angela is worried about, but she shakes her head.

"I know, Tim. But the very first thing you need to do, and you need to do it before she wakes up, is to get over your aversion to therapy. She's going to needextensivetherapy, and so do you, and if you have a positive attitude about it and are willing to begin healing, then she will, too. She'll do it without you if she has to, because she's one of the strongest people I know, but she shouldn't have to do it alone."

"I will. I'll do it for her, I'll doanythingfor her. And… and you're right, I do need help," he finally says, and Angela smiles.

Tim probably doesn't realize how monumental a moment he's just had, but shedoes.It's taken him thirty six years of his life to get to this point, but she's hopeful for him. Hopeful that he'll be able to get the help he needs to begin healing from the wounds inflicted on him when he was a little boy, as well as the wounds from the military, being a police officer, losing Isabel to addiction, and now everything that's happened with Lucy.

"We'll all be here for you," she promises quietly, and lets Tim rest his head on her shoulder while they both watch Lucy sleep. "We're here forbothof you."

Notes:

I promise there's more coming! I am not done with this story. We are going to be i through the healing process with Tim and Lucy. ️

Once again thanks for the love you all show me! I love writing, and I love knowing it's appreciated!

Chapter 14

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Lucy wakes up around three in the morning, and for one long, terrible second, she's terrified that she's still inthat place, tied tothat bed, withthat man. She feels a weight on her chest, stifling and oppressive, and she wants to open her eyes to see if it's true (was she really rescued? Was she reallysafe?), but she isterrifiedthat she'll find herself back in thatnightmare.

Tim notices the slight movement of her hand, the hitching of her breath, and reacts immediately.

He hasn't slept for a single second; his eyes have been on her for the past six hours, watching her chest rise and fall, watching her monitors for any sign of trouble.

"Lucy?" he asks, and he hasn't spoken since Angela left around midnight. His voice is hoarse, and it cracks in the middle of her name. He doesn't care; he bolts forward, hands hovering over her shoulder and wrist, not sure he should touch her but wantingbadlyto.

"Tim?" she asks, and her eyes fly open when she hears his voice. He smiles down at her, and when she reaches out to grasp his hand, he moves, curling one hand around her shoulder while he grasps her hand in his, entwining their fingers, squeezing tightly.

"I'm here," he whispers, and his own heart is beating in time with hers. His hand moves from her shoulder to her face, letting his fingers dance gently over the swollen skin of her cheek. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You're safe."

Lucy is nodding, but her eyes are filling with tears and Tim can see she's on the edge. He can see her gaze flickering across the room. He can see the panic growing, can hear the way her heartbeat is increasing. Her monitors are blaring; her pulse has increased past the pre-set threshold, and Tim knows that a nurse will come running at any moment to check the machines.

"Hey," he says, and he cups her uninjured cheek in his hand, desperately wanting to calm her down. Hehatesseeing her like this. "Hey, Lu, it's me. It's just me, and you're safe. You're in the hospital and you're safe, sweetheart."

Lucy is still nodding, but Tim has had panic attacks before and he knows what they're like. Sheknowsshe's safe, but her brain and her body don't agree with her, and she can't help the adrenaline that's flooding her body or the cortisol inundating her brain.

"What can I do?" he asks, and he sees a nurse entering the room. It's a male nurse with brown hair, the same style as Chris's had been, and Tim knows immediately that the only thing he'll do is freak Lucy out more. He holds out a hand, silently telling the nurse to stop, and is thankful that he does. "What can I do, Lu?"

Lucy looks like she's trying to say something, but the words are stuck in her throat. She holds out her arms, though, and Tim knows, but he needs toknow.

"Do you want me to hold you?" he asks, and Lucy nods frantically.

"P-please," she sobs, and she seems to find her voice all at once, words tumbling past her lips so fast she seems to trip over them. "Please. The l-last person who touched me w-washim, and I… I don't want… Ineed… Timplease."

Tim takes her into his arms without hesitation, trying his best to be careful of her injuries. Hugging her awkwardly over the side of the bed doesn't seem like it's enough, so Tim carefully crawls over her, helping her lay on her side so that he can position himself under her. When he's settled, he pulls Lucy against him, helping her settle her injured leg between his, her head on his chest and her arms around his waist. She continues sobbing for several long moments, but Tim can tell from the monitors carefully measuring her vitals that her heart rate is slowing, and her oxygen is coming up.

He glances to see the nurse still waiting in the doorway. He's watching her monitors from afar, and he seems happy with how Lucy's vitals are steadying. He gives Tim a thumbs up, and walks slowly back out of the room, for which Tim is grateful.

He waits until Lucy's breathing has evened out before speaking again.

"I'm here," he says again, and Lucy's hands tighten where she's holding him. "I'm here for you."

"T-thank you," she whispers, and Tim feels his chest tightening.

"What for, Lu?"

"For saving me."

Tim sighs and holds her closer, reveling in the feeling of her heart beating against his chest. He buries his head in her hair, and breathes her in deeply. "I willalwayssave you," he promises, and then kisses her forehead before chuckling. "Not that you need me to, most of the time, but I'll be there anyway."

Lucy hums contentedly, and closes her eyes. She's asleep again within seconds, and this time, Tim follows her.

Early the next morning, Lucy is sitting on the edge of her bed, biting her lip and holding back tears. She doesn'twantto get out of bed. She doesn'twantto start her physical therapy, or to talk to her new therapist, or to eat breakfast, or to go for more x-rays. She doesn't want to doanythingexcept crawl back in Tim's arms and go back to sleep.

Her nurse holds out the crutches, and Lucydoesn't want to.

"No," she says, and she can hear Tim laughing behind her. It's a nice sound, she thinks. All she's heard from him since he rescued her was his soft voice, his 'I'm worried about you, but I'm not going to say it out loud' voice. She loves that voice, of course. She lovesallof his voices, but she loves his laugh more than anything.

The nurse offers her a thin smile, but doesn't push.

"All right, I'll leave them here for if you want to try again in a bit," she compromises, and makes sure that Lucy's IV is still steadily pumping fluids, pain medication, and antibiotics into her before she heads for the door.

"I don't want to try," Lucy grumbles, and she knows she's being difficult, but she can't help it. Everything huts, and if she lets her thoughts stray for too long, she ends up backthere. She's only been awake for an hour, and already she wants to go back to sleep. Going pee had taken the better part of ten minutes, had beenembarrassing as hell, and had required that Tim hold her up so she didn't tumble off of the toilet. The nurse had offered, but Lucy had flinched when he'd gotten close, so Tim had done it without complaint or even a patentedTimlook. Putting pants on hadn't even been worth it. She'd given up halfway through trying to put on the leggings Angela had brought her and had settled for a pair of Tim's sweatpants. They were large enough that they went on easily, and Tim had tied them with great care and a gentleness she didn't see from him often.

Now, however, she wasdone.

"Hey," Tim says, voice soft, and he comes to sit on the bed beside her. Her ankle is in a thick, heavy boot, and the swelling in her face has actually gotten worse. The bruising definitely has; her face is purple, blue, and green, and Tim knows it will only get worse with time. Her wrists are bandaged, so he can't see the damage she did to them while trying to escape, but he can imagine it just fine.

"Hi," she whispers, and leans her head on his shoulder with a sigh. "Do I have to?"

"Do what?" he asks, and Lucy takes his hand, playing with his thumb. She won't meet his eyes, but Tim knows it's not because ofhim.

"Any of it."

"Well," Tim says, and he hates to disappoint her, but shedoes. "X-rays aren't really optional. They're trying to decide if you need surgery."

"Don'twantsurgery."

Tim wants to laugh, but this isn'ther. She seems so … down. He'd once told her that she didn't have any quit in her, but right now, she seems to have completely given up.

He hates Chris even more, now, for breaking Lucy's spirit as well as her ankle and jaw.

"I know," he whispers, kissing her head and wrapping his free arm around her shoulder. "I know you didn't ask for any of this, and itsucks, but Lu, youhaveto. You have to go get the x-rays taken, you have to have surgery, you have to do the physical therapy and the regular therapy so that they'll eventually let you out of here so I cantake you homeand take care of you where it's comfortable."

Lucy's still playing with his hand, her thin, cold fingers wrapped around his thumb, but he can see the small smile she's trying to hide.

"That sounds nice," she hums. "Home."

"Yeah, it does. But togethome, we gotta work hard."

"Ihave to work hard, you mean."

"Yeah, sorry," Tim says. "But I'm gonna be here every step of the way. Not going anywhere, Boot."

Lucy lets her body slump into his completely, and Tim holds her close. He lets her relax against him for several moments, and then nudges her, pointing toward the crutches.

"All right, then. It's time to get up and get moving. Off to x-ray we go. We're going regardless, so you get to decide if we go in the bed or in the wheelchair. Want me to get the whole team in here to roll you down to x-ray, or do you want to get on those crutches and hobble over to the wheelchair on your own?"

Lucy sends him a look that would have killed a lesser man, but he doesn't back down. He holds out the crutches to her, and she eyes them, then him, thenthemagain.

"Fine," she grunts, and grabs them from his hands. She places them under her arms, and then breathes out, eyes closing as she prepares herself for the pain. Her IV pain meds are good, but they're notthatgood.

"Ready to go?"

"No."

"Going anyway?" he asks, and she grins up at him briefly.

"Yes."

"There's my girl," he whispers, and kisses her cheek before helping her hobble toward the door.

Tim knows healing is always two steps forward, one step back, except inLucy'scase, it seems to beonestep forward, andtwosteps back.

Heknowsthis, but he quickly discovers that Lucy's tiny triumph with the crutches was the one, single step forward. The two steps back come immediately after — a panic attack in the x-ray machine, and then sobbing so hard that she throws up, passes out, and has to be taken out of the x-ray before it is finished.

He's thrown out of the room while they sedate her, and he has to watch through the window as they calm Lucy down, clean her up, and remove her from the machine. She looks so fragile, soweak, surrounded by hospital white, and hehatesit.

"Fuck!" he roars, and punches the wall with his fist as he drops his head against the plaster.

He wants to stalk to the station and haul Chris out of holding by hisballsbefore beating theabsolute shitout of him.

"Sir?"

Tim turns around and wipes a hand over his face while he shakes out the other. It throbs from where he'd hit the wall, but he notices with relief that he hadn't caused any real damage to it.

"She's ready to go back to her room."

"Thanks," Tim says, and maneuvers back into the room.

Hewantsto go see Chris, but for now, he's right where he needs to be.

Notes:

I forsee 4-5 more chapters of this story. I have some ideas and things I still need to cover, especially the healing and the recovery, but if there's something else you'd like to see you can let me know and I can try. :)

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

Tim feelssick.

He's pacing the length of Lucy's hospital room, running his hands through his hair and trying to prepare himself for when she wakes up and he has to tell her that she has to go down to x-rayagain.They had just gotten her settled back in her room after the first failed attempt, and he was already dreading the second.

Maybe they could sedate herbefore…

He's torn from his thoughts when there's a soft knock on the door, and he looks up to see a small, smiling, unassuming woman standing there. She doesn't enter until Tim nods, and then walks up and stands at the end of the bed. She's holding a clipboard, and a staff ID around her neck says her name is 'Lila'.

"Hey," Tim says, and hopes she'll tell him what she's here for. He's seen well over twenty people at this point. Nurses, doctors, specialists for her ankle, surgery consult for her jaw, and several others he's already forgotten. He doesn't quite know how he'd gotten himself into this position, of being Lucy's advocate and the one here to juggle all of her doctors and answer all of their questions, but he knows she doesn't have any family that she trusts, and he's more than happy to do it. He just doesn't have the mental space to remember another name or face.

Thankfully, the woman introduces herself without delay.

"Hi, my name is Lila. I'm going to be Ms. Chen's therapist while she's in the hospital, and I'll help her establish care when she's released. Andyouare?"

Tim wraps his arms around his chest, and it's more of a self soothing position than a defensive or aggressive one. He rocks back and forth on his feet, eyeing the smaller lady cautiously.

"I'm Tim Bradford. Her, uh, her partner. On the force, that is. And her … um. Boyfriend, maybe? We didn't really get a chance to define things before the shit hit the fan, so."

He trails off, and heknowsit's the worst way he's ever introduced himself, but he's nervous. He's been so against therapists for so many years, and even though this woman probably weighs 90 pounds soaking wet, he can't help but be a little intimidated by her. The thing that keeps him from brushing her off, though, is that he knows that he needs to accept and embrace this, not only for Lucy's sake, but also forhis.

He holds out a hand, and shakes Lila's.

"She's been sleeping for a while. Had a panic attack while getting an x-ray, and they had to sedate her. So, she may not be awake for a bit."

"That's fine," Lila says, and motions to the two chairs beside Lucy's bed. "Do you know who is on her form as a medical proxy? Who can I talk to, get some basic information about what happened?"

Tim holds up one hand, smiling weakly. "I am, actually."

Lucy had changed it after everything that had happened with her parents. She'd told Tim she didn't want her mom and dad making decisions for her, that they'd made enough of her decisions for her already. She'd asked Tim, and he had agreed without pause.

He hadn't thought he would have to use his newfound responsibility quite likethis, but even if he had known, he would have done it anyway.

Lila double checks Lucy's forms, making sure she actually has clearance to talk to Tim, and then turns to face him, smiling.

"All right. Can you tell me what happened? I'll ask her again when she wakes up, but it actually helps to have a background when I begin talking to my patients. You can also tell me how you're involved with her. She's going to need a support system, and I assume that since you're here, pacing a hole in the floor, that you're going to be a part of that system."

"Yeah," Tim says, and then leans back in his chair. "Yes, I am. I'm in love with her. I love her, and I'll be here every step of the way."

"That's good to hear," Lila responds, jotting notes on her chart. "Often with assault and rape, significant others can't get past what happened and end up leaving. I'm glad Lucy has you."

"She wasn't, um. She wasn't raped. Almost, but we got to her in time."

"Be that as it may," Lila says, and casts a glance at Lucy's sleeping form in the bed. "I read her chart. Her injuries are extensive, and while she wasn'traped, she was penetrated by her attacker. Regardless ofwhathe used to penetrate her, it's traumatizing."

"OK," Tim says, and he's just beginning to realize how far out of his depth he is.

"So you're her boyfriend. You're supportive. That's good. Walk me through what's happened."

Tim tells her everything he knows, which isn't much. He doesn't know what she went through when he wasn't there, and when she'd been awake she hadn't wanted to talk about it.

"I don't know everything that happened, so I can't tell you much more. But I have kind of an … odd request."

Lila smiles up at him. "Go ahead. I've heard just about everything."

Tim nods; she probably has. "I know that I'm not your patient, thatLucyis. But… she's only comfortable around me right now. I don't know why, but it is what it is. And secondly, I think we would … I think it would help if I was there, for some of it. It would helpme, that is. And probably Lucy, too. Is couples trauma counseling athing?"

Lila laughs, and shrugs. "There are no hard and fast rules, just whatever the patient wants. It'll be up to Lucy what she wants to do, but if she'd like you there, I don't mind. Why do you want to do counseling with her?"

Tim shrugs, running a hand through his hair and crossing his ankle over his leg. "Because I'm not leaving her, and I'm going to need help to know how to help her. Also I could probably use counseling for some issues of my own," he admits, and it's easier than he thought it would be, saying the words out loud.

Lila makes a knowing noise, and continues writing on her chart. Tim is trying not to worry about what she's writing down, but he can't help it.

"What kind of issues?"

"I have a lot of history, from my childhood and the military. I was the one who pulled Lucy's body out of the barrel when Caleb kidnapped her, and I was the one who brought her back to life. And Lucy… she's so independent. I'm having trouble with the idea of her going back out into the field, back on patol, and that's one of the things that will ruin us. If I try to control her, I'll lose her, but I don't know hownot to."

"Well," Lila says, and she closes her notebook and caps her pen. "As long as Lucy doesn't mind if you sit in, I don't. And when I'm looking for therapists to refer her to on the outside, I can look for someone who would be willing to do individual sessions for both of you, as well as a dual session."

"Wait," Tim says, and holds up a hand to pause her. "Individual sessions forme,too?"

Lila hums and nods. "Yes, I strongly recommend that you seek counseling as well. The military alone would be enough for me to recommend that, but combined with childhood trauma,andwhat you've described happened with Lucy both times she was kidnapped, I think you should seriously consider it."

Tim clenches his teeth, but breathes deeply. He remembers Angela's words, and knows that he needs to try, not only for Lucy's sake, but for his as well.

She'll do it without you if she has to, because she's one of the strongest people I know, but she shouldn't have to do it alone.

"All right," he says, and glances up to smile at Lila. She's not at all what he imagined a therapist would be like, and he can see them getting along well. She's straightforward, no-nonsense, and he likes that. "Thank you."

"You're most welcome. I'll round again later, check in on Lucy. Take care."

Tim nods and then turns his chair around to face Lucy again.

He hopes that she'll like Lila as much as he's starting to.

Tim manages to convince the doctors to sedate Lucybeforesending her for x-rays, and the second round goes off without a hitch. They're back in the room before Lucy even wakes up, and Tim is relieved to see her come to without panicking this time.

"Tim," she croaks, and he's by her side, holding out her water cup for her to sip from. She does, and then falls back against the bed, exhausted.

"Hey, Lu," he whispers, and he brushes his hand over hers before setting her water cup on the bedside table. "We got those x-rays taken care of while you were sleeping. You don't have to worry about them anymore."

Lucy nods and offers him a small smile. It falls quickly from her lips when she shuffles around on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position, and he can tell immediately that she's in pain. He wishes he could take her pain away, or feel it for her. He hates that she's having to live through this nightmare.

They're silent for several long moments, and Tim can see her retreating into herself right before his eyes. He wants to talk to her, to pull her back from the edge, but he doesn't know what to say.

She finds her words before he finds his.

"You don't have to stay," she whispers, and Tim looks up in confusion. He's pretty sure he's told her that he's not going anywhere; does she not remember?

"I know I don'thaveto," he says, and leans back in his chair, watching her closely. "I want to, and unless you tell me you don't want me here, I'm not leaving."

"You should," she mumbles, and Tim barely hears it, but it breaks his heart anyway.

"Why should I?" he asks, and he's not using his 'soft Tim voice' anymore. It's closer to his TO voice than he'd like, considering she's still processing traumatic events, but it causes her to look up sharply and meet his eyes. "Tell me, Lucy. Why should I leave you?"

Lucy shrugs, and fiddles with the edge of the sheet covering her. She's found a loose thread, and is pulling on it, unraveling the hem.

"Because I'm not worth it."

Tim wants so many things at that moment. He wants to yell at her, becauseof courseshe's worth it. He wants to yell at himself, because he should have found her sooner, or, better yet, he shouldn't have let her get kidnapped in the first place. Most of all, however, he wants to find Chris and make him feelpain.

In the end he does none of those things.

"Did you miss the part the other day where I said I loved you? Because that hasn't changed just because of what happened. I know you're dealing with a lot right now. But soon you're going to be back to Confident Lucy. You know you're worth it. You know that you're amazing, and a good cop, and that you deserveeverything. Just because your brain and your heart don't believe it right now doesn't mean it's not true. So, I'm not leaving until you tell me youwantme to, and even then I'll be right outside the door."

Lucy nods, and Tim reaches out to brush the tears from her eyes.

"You're hurting, and that's okay. But don't push me away, Lu. Please don't."

"OK," she croaks, and she holds out a hand, searching for his. He takes it without hesitation, and presses his lips to her knuckles. She lays there for several long moments, breathing deeply, until she manages to calm herself down.

One step forward.

Lucy's two steps back come in the form of terrible news from her doctor when he makes his rounds that afternoon. Tim has only seen the doctor once; he's seen the nurses enough that he knows them by name, but her doctor only rounds once in the morning and once in the afternoon, and thus far, all he's had to deliver is bad news.

"We're looking at two surgeries," he says plainly, and Tim watches as Lucy closes her eyes. She has a resigned look on her face, but she doesn't seem to be hiding away from him like she had earlier.

The doctor continues.

"The first one is for your ankle. It's broken badly, in several places. We're hoping to be able to stabilize it with rods and pins so that it can heal, but you'll be looking atmonthsof physical therapy before you're cleared for duty again. I'd expect 90% recovery from this break. You probably won't ever achieve 100% mobility again."

Tim knows what that means — patrolling might not be an option for her any longer, if she can't chase suspects or if her ankle ends up being prone to giving out on her.

"And the second surgery?" he asks, because he knows Lucy won't.

"Your jaw is broken in two places," the doctor says, addressing Lucy. "We're going to have to go in and wire it together. You're fortunate that we don't have to wire your top and bottom jaw shut. Oftentimes both bones have to be completely immobilized, but in your case we should be able to avoid that. You'll be able to talk and eat normally after a few days."

"OK," Lucy whispers, and Tim is glad to see her speaking up. He'll do whatever she needs him to, but he knows that she's going to need to take charge of her own healing at some point. "And my other injuries?"

Dr. Hunt sits down on the edge of her bed, being careful not to jostle her ankle. "Everything else is healing well. All of your blood work came back clear. No infections of any kind, so we've stopped the antibiotics. Your cheek needed stitches but we'll be taking those out in a few days. Your wrists were badly bruised and cut, but they're already healing and I expect a full recovery. Your concussion has mostly cleared up. We'll be doing a repeat CT scan this afternoon to double check, but I expect to clear you from that."

Lucy glances at Tim, and he knows what she's thinking about. But he wantsherto ask. He'll step in if he has to, but he knows it's important for her to start doing things on her own.

"I get claustrophobic," she finally says, after a long pause. "I will need to be sedated for the CT."

Dr. Hunt smiles at her and nods. "We can do that. Now, if you don't have any other questions, I'll be on my way. Dr. Newman is on night shift tonight, and she's wonderful. She'll take good care of you. And I see in your chart that your therapist will be stopping back by soon. Try to stay awake for her this time."

Dr. Hunt winks at them both, and then stands, leaving the room. Lucy looks over at Tim in confusion and he explains.

"Lila. She's your therapist while you're here in the hospital. She came by earlier, after the first time we tried the x-rays. She seems nice."

Lucy nods, but bites her lip. Tim waits, because he knows that she'll talk if he gives her time and space.

"I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it," she finally admits, and Tim nods his head.

"And that's fine. Take all the time you need. But you should meet her, she's … surprisingly cool for a therapist."

Lucy chuckles and nods, squeezing Tim's hand.

"Did you ever think about what I said?" she asks, because it seems like the right moment. "Aboutyougetting therapy?"

Tim nods and sucks in a breath. If she can be brave about being kidnapped,twice,assaulted and almost raped, he can be brave about this.

"Yes. And I asked Lila about it. She said when she looks for a therapist to continue your care after you're released she'll look for one that could take us both on, individually and also dual sessions, if you'd like."

Lucy is smiling now, and it's the firstrealsmile he's seen from her since they rescued her. She's grinning from ear to ear, as if Tim accepting therapy is the best news she's heard all day.

"Thank you," she says, and Tim can't help himself. He leans forward and kisses her softly, cupping her cheek in his large, warm palm for several moments after he pulls away.

"You were right. I have some issues, Lu. And I want to work on them, for you, and for us, and forme. And I thought maybe us getting therapy together would be a good idea, so we can learn how to help each other, and so we can work on communication. I don't want a lack of communication to be what ruins us."

Lucy is nodding, smile still firmly in place. She kisses Tim again, and then lays back into her pillows, his hand still clasped in hers.

"Nothing is going to ruin us," she whispers. "We're going to be amazing."

Tom kisses her knuckles again, and relaxes back in his chair.

Yeah, he thinks.

They're going to be brilliant.

Chapter 16

Summary:

Comments and kudos are love and help me write faster! ️️

Chapter Text

Lucy post-surgery is a little funny, and Tim can't decide if he should feel bad or not for laughing at her.

She isout of it, and apparently she'd never shared the fact that anesthesia knocked her on herassduring her never ending ramblings in the shop.

"You're pretty," she tells him sincerely, chocolate brown eyes wide and sparkling, and Angela snorts from her spot in the corner. Tim shoots her a glare, and then turns his attention back to hisvery highgirlfriend.

"Yeah, but you're prettier," he says, and Jackson makes a gagging noise.

Tim turns to glare at the both.

"You can alwaysleave," he says icily, but Jackson shakes his head while Angela continues laughing.

"No way, dude," Jackson says, and Tim remembers that he hasseveralapologies that he owes Jackson when he notices the way the younger man won't meet his eyes. "This is too good. Blackmail materialforever."

Tim rolls her eyes, and then glances at Angela. She seems to understand, and stands up as gracefully as she can with her huge baby belly in the way.

"This momma needs snacks," she says, and heads toward the door. Jackson looks nervously between her and Tim, and makes a move to join her before Tim stops him with a gentle hand on his arm.

"Hold on," he says, and Jackson swallows but nods. They both glance back at Lucy in her bed, but she's very distracted with Tim's phone. Despite being pretty drugged, she still remembers his passcode, and is cooing over pictures of Kojo. "I need to apologize to you."

Jackson immediately tenses up. "It's OK, really, Sergeant," he says, voice tight, but itisn't.

"No, it's not," Tim admits sadly. "I lost my head. Repeatedly. I was…terrifiedfor Lucy, but that was not an excuse for what I did and what I said."

Jackson nods. His eyes are wide, as if he can't believe thatTimis apologizing tohim,but he's listening and not dismissing Tim's apology, so he continues.

"It wasn't your fault, and I shouldn't have blamed you. Lucyshouldhave been safe in the station, surrounded by officers. You made the right choice, and even if youhadtried to go with her, she would have yelled at you and gone alone anyway. I shouldn't have yelled, or put my hands on you. I was in the wrong, and it's within your rights if you want to file a complaint against me."

Jackson nods, swallows, and then seems to finally relax. He offers Tim a small smile, gaze flickering to where Lucy has just made a loud, happy noise. She notices Jackson watching her and holds up Tim's phone — it's a picture of Tim, shirtless, in bed with Kojo. The dog is his little spoon, and apparently Lucy has never seen the picture before. She can't tear her eyes away from it.

"Look at Tim," she says, eyes wide. "He's socute. So is Kojo. I want this one."

Before Tim can stop her she's sent the picture to her own number. Tim just shakes his head and smiles at her fondly, then turns back to Jackson.

"I… I am going to seek therapy, to help with my anger and some other issues. I know that probably doesn't mean anything to you, and it definitely doesn't change what I did, but I am going to try and do better. Lucy… she's helped me see that I have a lot of growing left to do."

"You've already changed so much," Lucy whispers, and Tim looks over to where she has apparently been listening to their conversation. She smiles at him, a little lopsided, andGod,he loves her so much. "Since the beginning. You're different, in a good way. You admit when you're wrong, you tried to do better with your new rookie, and you're secretly just a soft little marshmallow inside."

"Definitely still drugged," Tim says to Jackson, deadpan, but Jackson shrugs.

"She's notwrong,man. I mean, the marshmallow part is only with her and maybe Angela, but youare m, a bit."

Tim groans as he sits down in the chair beside Lucy's bed. He wants to take his phone back from her and text Angela that she can come back, but she's still flipping through Kojo pictures, andwhendid he take that many pictures of his (their) dog?

"My reputation is ruined."

"Nah," Angela says, and Tim looks up as she enters the room again as if she's read his mind. "At the station you're stillyou. Compartmentalization is your middle name, and I would beshockedif you got all soft at work.Especiallynow that you're a sergeant."

"True," Tim says, but he's still frowning. "Also I'm still mad at them all, so I'll regain my reputation by putting thefear of Godinto them when we go back."

"I will be filming that roll call," Jackson says, and Tim shoots him a glare.

"No."

"Yes," Lucy argues, and reaches out to wave Tim's phone in the air. She's apparently done with it. He takes it back and tucks it into his pocket, watching as she relaxes back into her pillows. "I wanna see. But I don't get to go back."

Jackson sits up quickly, alarm on his face. "What? You don't get to go back? What thehell?"

Lucy shrugs. Tim can see the defeated mood from earlier returning, and hates that he'd mentioned anything about the station.

"Not for a while. My ankle will keep me out for a few months. Physical therapy even longer, but maybe I can do some desk work at least."

Tim kisses her hand and holds it tightly in his. "As soon as you're ready, we can get you back at a desk. You may not be able to be out in the field, but you're smart as hell. You can work with Angela on some of her cases, help with the research and stuff. Lots of busy work."

Angela's eyes light up, an idea hitting her suddenly.

"Yes, oh my goodness that would beso great! Lucy, you'd be agreatdetective. We can use this time to let the big-wigs see how good you are! Oh, wait, you were wanting to go for UC. But Lucyyyy," she whines, and she draws out Lucy's name playfully. "You'd besucha good detective."

"Changed my mind about UC actually," Lucy says, and sighs as she closes her eyes. She's slowly coming out from under the happy haze of the anesthesia, and wishes she had it back. "Undercover… maybe isn't for me. I don't need that adrenaline rush. I don't need to … I don't need to purposely put myself in those situations anymore, I think. It's lost its appeal somewhat."

Tim is looking at Lucy with a shocked expression on his face, but he guesses itmakes sense.She's now been kidnappedtwice,and the thought of her purposely putting herself in situations where she has little to no control makes him cringe.

"So you're free for me to steal! We're gonna make a detective out of you yet, Chen!" Angela says, and grins as she settles back in her chair.

Lucy is thinking it over, a small smile on her lips. "That… sounds good, actually. I can see how I like it during my time stuck at a desk. Ooh, do I get myowndesk?"

Angela laughs. "I mean, if you make detective, yeah! But you can share mine until then." She winks at Lucy, and then at Tim. She'd known, of course, how Tim felt about undercover work, and knew that Lucy's decision was a weight off of his shoulders. He would never have asked her tonotdo undercover work, but he hadhatedthe idea of it, and she was sure he was relieved.

"We'll see how it goes," Lucy says, but she's smiling widely while talking about work for the first time since the doctor had told her she might never regain full mobility in her ankle.

Another step forward.

After Angela and Jackson leave, Grey shows up. He's armed with flowers and snacks, and looks less official and imposing out of uniform. Tim sits up in surprise and sudden anxiety, and tries to remember if he'd cleared his time off with his boss. He had, he's sure; he'd asked to stay with Lucy at least until she was released, and it wasn't like he didn't have the sick days. Henevertook sick days.

"Sergeant Grey," Lucy says, noticing his presence, and she struggles to sit up. Tim helps her, using the remote on the side of her bed to raise it up. She smiles at him in thanks, and settles back down.

"Hello, Officer Chen, Tim," he greets, and Tim stands to his feet, rubbing his hands nervously on his jeans. "How are you, Lucy?"

Lucy shrugs, and offers Grey a small smile. "I'm OK. Had surgery on my ankle this morning. It hurts, but they've got me on the good drugs."

Grey laughs, and takes a seat next to her bed. He relaxes back on it, letting his hands rest on his knees as he takes in the sight before him. Lucy is looking better than he'd imagined she would. Her face is still swollen and bruised, but she's smiling and in better spirits than he'd feared.

"How are youreally?"he asks again. Lucy sighs, and Tim watches her carefully. His chair is as close to hers as he could possibly get it, and his hand is resting on her blanket covered knee. Lucy glances at him, and knows he'll be there if she needs him.

"I'll get there," she decides after several long, silent moments. "My therapist will be here tonight. That's gonna be ugly, but it's necessary. I have surgery scheduled for my jaw in the morning, and that's… that's going to be hard, too. They've warned me that the swelling will get worse after surgery. I won't be able to eat or talk for a while, and I amnotlooking forward to that. But after that, it should all be uphill. They think they might even be able to release me early next week."

"That's great!" Grey says, smiling, and Lucy nods. "We're looking forward to having you back."

"I'm excited to be back, sir."

"Oh that note," Tim cuts in, and squeezes her hand, reminding her with a single look in Grey's direction what they'd talked about this afternoon.

"Oh, yeah. So, the doctor said that my ankle might not ever fully heal. He said I'll probably get back about 90% mobility. He's not convinced I can go back on patrol, even after physical therapy."

She shrugs, and drops her hands to her lap. Grey looks contemplative for a moment, his fingers brushing the hair of his beard as he considers what she's told him.

"He's probably right," he finally admits, and Lucy deflates. She'd been holding onto hope that the doctor had been wrong, but hearing Grey confirm his suspicions causes her to feel a crushing sense of disappointment. "Patrol probably isn't going to be an option for you in the future."

Lucy nods slowly in defeat, and Tim can see that she's fighting tears. She's been tryingsohardto be strong all day, and Tim knows she's about at her limit. She's less than twenty-four hours removed from a massive trauma, has already had one surgery, and has been handed news that she can't continue doing the job sheloves. It would be enough to break anyone, even Lucy Chen. She's arguably one of the strongest people he knows, but even she has her limits.

"But there are other options," he says, cutting in, and he can see Lucy perk up as she remembers Angela trying to recruit her to be a detective. "Right?" he adds, glancing at Grey, and the older man nods.

"Of course. Lots of departments that don't involve chasing down suspects every day. It'll be difficult, since you just graduated to P2, but not impossible."

"I want to do desk work while I'm healing. Maybe that could get me get a foot in the door with one of the other departments," Lucy says, and Grey chuckles.

"Youwantto do desk work? That's a first!"

Lucy grins, which Tim realizes was Grey's intention all along, and nods. "Yes. I'm looking at two months of healing for my ankle, plus physical therapy. I'll be out for a while, and I get restless. I want to be useful. I don't want this to be something that defines me, and I don't want it to be the first thing people think about when they hear my name. Iam notmy trauma. I want to get back to normal as quickly as I can."

Tim issofucking proud of her that he can't help himself. He leans over and presses a chaste kiss to her cheek (hewantsto kiss her on the lips, deeply,passionately, but he manages to reign himself in becausetheir boss is sitting in the room with them).

Grey still makes a surprised noise, but when Tim makes himself look, he's still smiling.

"More paperwork. Thanks for that," he says sarcastically, and Tim shrugs.

"Sorry, Sarge."

"I'll bring it to you, Bradford. You're going to have plenty of time on your hands over the next few days."

Tim nods; he will, he knows. Lucy's recovery from her ankle surgery was easy, but he's been warned that the jaw surgery won't be so smooth. It's going to hurt, a lot, and she's going to be on strong pain medicine. She'll be sleeping a lot, which the doctor told Tim to be thankful for; he'd said it was better that she just sleep through the pain.

They talk and laugh for a few more minutes, Grey ribbing them playfully about paperwork and keeping it professional, until they're interrupted by a gentle knock on the door.

"Lucy?"

Tim looks up, and sucks in a breath when he sees Lila standing in the doorway.

"Hi," Lucy says softly, and the easy atmosphere is gone. Grey notices, and slaps his knee as he stands up.

"That's my cue," he says, and then turns to Tim as he also stands, shaking his hand and clapping him on the back. "Let me know if you needanything,you two."

"We will," Lucy promises him, and Tim leans over to peck her on the lips before walking with Grey to the door.

"Call for me if you want me to come in," he says. "I'll be right outside the door."

"I love you," Lucy whispers, and Tim wishes he could do this for her. He wishes he could take away her pain and her fear. He wishes he could relive the experience for her, could talk to Lila for her.

"Love you too, Lu," he says, and squeezes her hand before letting it drop.

As he walks out with Grey, he can hear the first sentence Lila speaks, and it makes his heart hurt. Hehatesthat, in order to get better, she has to relive what had happened. It seems cruel that the best way for her to heal is to confront what Chris did to her head on, and he finds himself, once again, wishing he could take this burden off of her shoulders and carry it himself.

"So, last night you told me that we could try talking about what happened today," Lila says, andher voice is soft, soothing. "Do you feel ready?"

"Yeah," Lucy says, timid but determined. She gives Tim one final, brave smile before he closes the door behind him. "Let's give it a try."

Chapter 17

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

"Start at the beginning," Lila suggests gently when Lucy can't seem to speak.

Lucy has been through therapy before, and she knows that the first time is the hardest. The first time recalling all of the details, sharing with someone how you'd been hurt and violated and belittled — it's the most difficult. She remembers when she'd told her story about Caleb, how she'd cried the entire way through it, and when she'd finished, she'd felt almost completely numb. Empty of tears, devoid of words, yet filled to the brim with pain and regret and shame.

Her therapist then had been able to help her move past what had happened, for the most part. She still has trouble sometimes, and she still can't hearthat songwithout feeling sick to her stomach. But, beforeChris,she had slept most nights without nightmares, woke most mornings able to breathe, and she was hopeful that Lila would be able to help her return to that place.

With a deep breath, she begins talking.

"He started by sending notes to my house. They were creepy, but not explicit," she says, and she has to force the words out. It's like she's trying to push them past a huge lump in her throat, but the more she manages, the easier it gets. "I showed them to Tim, and then we got Angela in on it. Angela is our friend, she's a detective," she explains when Lila gives her a curious look. "I stayed at Tim's house that night, because there was another one when I got home to my apartment. Then there was another at Tim's, and another on my locker, and in less than 24 hours it felt like he'd taken over my entire life. It felt like I wasn't safeanywhere.My house. My job.Tim's.He was everywhere and nowhere was safe."

"I'm sorry that he took away your sense of safety," Lila says, and she's meeting Lucy's gaze with kind, brown eyes. She's completely sincere, Lucy can tell. Some therapists say shit like that to try and earn your trust, but she can tell that Lila is truly upset that Chris had destroyed her safe places.

"Me, too," Lucy agrees, and then starts playing with the edge of the sheet covering her lap as she continues. "Tim didn't want me to go to work. But I argued, and I did. I was riding with Jackson, my best friend, and we stopped for lunch. I had… there was this idiot that spilled his coffee on me, so I had to go change first. I told Jackson to get us lunch, that I'd be right out. Chris was there, in the station. In the women's locker room. Waiting for me."

Lucy pauses, and she can feel the tears beginning to fall.

She's not sure how she's going to get through this.

At least notalone.

"Is… is it weak if I want Tim?" she asks, her voice small, as she glances toward the door. "Chris made my whole life unsafe. ButTimis safe. I need him."

Lila shakes her head, smiling reassuringly at Lucy. She'd seen the way that Tim had been so reluctant to leave, and she knew this was probably coming. Eventually, she'd like to get Lucy to a place where she could do this on her own, but today was not that day, and that was OK. "No, it's not weak at all," she says softly. "Tim is someone who has earned your trust, and it's good that you can lean on him. Let me go get him for you."

Lucy nods and sniffles, trying to stem the flow of tears before Tim comes into the room. She knows it's going to get worse. She's going to be a disaster by the end of this, a lump of tears and snot and pain, but she wants to stay strong, to be as strong as Tim thinks she is, for as long as she can.

"Hey, Lu," he murmurs, and he's beside her, taking her hand into his, within seconds. She immediately feels calmer. Her heart rate slows, and she no longer feels like she's going to throw up or pass out.

Tim is her safe place.

The only safe place Chris hadn't managed to destroy.

No matter where they are, or what is happening, as long as she's with him, she knows he won't let anything bad happen to her.

"Lucy asked if you'd sit in," Lila explains as Tim pulls a chair close to Lucy's bed. "She was telling her story, and it was difficult. I'd like to ask you not to interrupt her as she talks, however. Just be there for her, be supportive and be her anchor."

"I can do that," Tim says, even though he's not sure hecan.

"All right. Lucy, you were saying that he was waiting in the locker room."

Lucy squeezes Tim's hand before entwining their fingers. She holds on tightly, knowing that if she lets go she'll drown. She's barely holding her head above water now, and without Tim beside her, she knows she won't be able to hold on. She'll let it take over her, surround and suffocate her, if he's not there to help her tread water.

She doesn't like the feeling ofneedingsomeone, but she knows it's not forever. She knows that she'll be able to hold her own head up soon. If Caleb had taught her anything, it was that she was a survivor.

She takes a deep breath, and continues talking.

"He had a gun. He walked me right out of the police station and to his car. I waited until there was no one around he could shoot, and started to fight him. He hit me, gave me a concussion, and I don't remember much after that until I woke up at his house. I do remember him telling me that we could finally start our life together. Did he really believe that Iwantedhim? Was it all a sick game to fuck with me?"

Tim squeezes Lucy's hand, but as Lila had requested, he doesn't interrupt. He knows most of this, anyway. The part he's afraid to hear is what's coming next.

"Chris is sick," Lila explains gently. "Which doesn't under any circumstances excuse what he did, but in his head,yes, he probably thought you wanted him. Stalkers can create these entire worlds in their minds, where one single interaction led to a mutual desire, and even though you may have never spoken to him or seen him again until he took you, he wasfixatedon you, obsessed."

Lucy nods, and takes a shaky breath. She turns and glances at Tim, and he wants to crawl into the bed with her, hold her, but he knows she needs to be strong.

"When I woke up, I was zip tied to a bed. He came in, and told me that we were going to have dinner, a bath, and then… then he was going to rape me. He didn'tsayrape, but he said he was going to 'take me to bed', so."

Lucy is proud of how steady her voice is. She knows that saying it aloud is no small feat, and even if sheissilently crying, her voice isn't shaking and she's not having a panic attack.

"I decided then that I would try and play along. I knew that Tim was looking for me, and that he would find me; I just had to stall Chris long enough for him to get there. So, we had dinner. He drugged my wine, I think. I was dizzy, slow, and uncoordinated. I don't think I could have escaped even if I tried, so I kept playing along. I, um. When we were getting ready for the bath. He started taking his clothes off. For some naive reason I thought it would just be me, that he'd leave me alone, but he got in with me. I remember thinking, 'is it rape if I go without a fight?', because I got in the tub with him and he put his arms around me and started touching me."

Lucy is shaking now. The tears are coming so hard and fast that she can't see, but she doesn't need to see to know Tim is there with her. She knows her words are hurting him. These are details he hadn't known, and now hedoes,and she glances over to make sure he's not looking at her with disgust.

She wouldn't blame him, if he were.

She had gone into the bathwillingly.

But he's not.

He's staring at her with a heartbreaking expression, tears flowing silently down his own cheeks.

The sight of Tim Bradfordcryingis agonizing.

"Tim?" she asks, her voice small, and he moves closer. "Do you… do you hate me, for going along with it?"

"God no," he whispers, and he gives in then, and it's as much for him as it is for her. Heneedsto hold her, to be close to her. He crawls into the bed behind her, pulls her back against his chest, and hugs her close. He runs the fingers of one hand though her hair, and kisses her head, over and over again. He's trembling, Lucy thinks, orsheis. One of them is, but they're so close she can't tell who. "Lucy, he would havekilledyou, or donemuchworse, if you had fought."

Lila cuts in here, because she knows this is an important moment for Lucy, and she doesn't want to miss the topic of conversation when it has come up organically.

"Lucy, can I touch on something you said?" she asks, softly. "If you don't want to talk about it now, that's fine, we can always revisit it later. I want to talk about what you said before. You said 'is it rape if I go willingly', and I want to talk about the what the word 'willingly' means to you."

"I didn't fight him," Lucy says automatically, frowning as she looks up at Lila. "I got in the bath without fighting him. I could have tried to run, or… or something. But I didn't. I let him take my clothes off and I got in with him."

"Yes," Lila agrees. "And that probably saved your life. But, Lucy, did youwantto?"

Lucy shakes her head immediately. "Godno, I felt like I was going to throw up, or pass out, or both. I hated every moment he touched me. I … in the bath, what made him mad first, I think, was that I couldn't stop shaking or crying. It ruined his… his sick little fantasy, I guess. I tried to play along, but I couldn't stop myself from trying to pull away from his touch."

"So if you didn't want to get in the bath with him, and you didn't want him to touch you, then why do you keep saying you went willingly?"

Luch shrugs, and Tim holds her tighter. He buries his head in her hair and breathes her in, trying to stay out of the conversation like Lila had asked.

Hehatesthat Lucy feels she had any say, any control over her situation, that any of this isher fault.

It's not, and he's hoping that Lila can help her see that, because he's at a loss for words.

"I didn't say no," she finally whispers, and Tim can feel it when she starts crying again. Her breathing catches and her back trembles as she sobs. "I didn't tell himno.Ineversaid the word no."

"But you didn't sayyes," Lila interjects calmly. "Consent is when you say yes, or agree enthusiastically. Consent is when you're sober, not drugged or drunk. Consent is when youwantwhat is happening. Doanyof those apply to what happened with Chris?"

Lucy shakes her head, and reaches a trembling hand up to wipe her tears away. "N-no, I guess not."

"It's not consent if you'reafraidto say no. Turning away means 'no'. Drunk or drugged means 'no'. Crying means'no'. You may not have said 'no' with words, but you did with your actions, and it wasabsolutelyassault and rape. Lucy, you did not give consent. You did not go willingly. You were assaulted."

Lucy wants to respond but she can't. She's crying too hard, both with sadnessandrelief. As much as she'd tried not to, she kept thinking that she could have done more. She could have said no. She could havestopped him.

"Nothing he did was your fault," Tim whispers, as if he can read her mind, and Lucy falls into him, letting him hold her tightly. She just wants to cry and have Tim hold her, and then maybe cry a little more before falling asleep.

"Lucy," Lila says, and Lucy sees that she's standing up now. She has her clipboard tucked under her arm, and a small smile on her face. "You did so amazing, but I think we should stop for now. But, before I go, I'd like to hear you say something, and I'd like you to remember it so that you can repeat it whenever you feel responsible in any way for what happened to you."

"W-what is it?" Lucy asks shakily.

"I'd like to hear you say 'this was not my fault'. And I want you to remember it, and repeat it as many times as you need to until you begin to believe it."

Lucy isn't sure shedoesbelieve it yet, but shewantsto, so she opens her mouth and slowly, quietly, stiltedly whispers, "This was not my fault."

Saying the words causes a fresh round of tears, but she doesn't even bother trying to wipe them away. Instead she buries her head in Tim's chest, and repeats the words over and over and over.

This was not my fault.

Notes:

Poor Lucy. Poor Tim. I'm sorry.

Chapter 18

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Lucy stays curled up against Tim's chest even after Lila leaves. She's stopped crying, but feels worn out, wrung out, andexhausted. She wants to sleep, but she knows she's going to have nightmares. Reliving what had happened pretty much always ensures that she has nightmares, and she's not looking forward to it.

But…

This was not my fault.

"It wasn't my fault," she whispers, and Tim takes in a deep, shaking breath. He doesn't speak for several long moments, but continues to run his fingers through her long, chocolate brown waves, calming himself just as much as he's calming her.

"No," he finally whispers, and presses a kiss to her hair. "It wasn't."

"It wasn't my fault."

Lucy pulls back from Tim just enough that she can turn around (slowly, carefully, so as not to jolt her injured ankle), and look into his eyes.

"Tim.It wasn't my fault."

"I know, love. It wasn't your fault. You did the best you could. You did everything you could to buy yourself time for us to find you, and you did amazing. You saved yourself,again, and I am so proud of you."

Lucy juststares, and Tim doesn't know what to do. She's looking at him like he's thesun, and he doesn't think anyone has ever looked at him like this. He is completely,utterlygone on her, and he figures that he might as well tell her, again, just in case she's forgotten.

"I am so in love with you," he whispers, and Lucy's cheeks pink as a smile takes over her lips. She lays her head back on his chest, and lets out a long, exhausted sigh.

"I love you, too, Tim," she murmurs.

There's nothing else they need to say, he thinks.

They'll get through this.

The next day is jaw surgery day, and Tim is surprised to see Lila in Lucy's doorway early the next morning just hours before she's scheduled to go under the knife again.

"Hey," he whispers, and motions to Lucy with his head. She's fast asleep, curled around him like an octopus in the bed. He's got her injured foot propped up on a pillow, and he'd made sure that the swollen, broken side of her jaw wasn't pressed into his chest. She's as comfortable as she can be, and the morphine slowly running through her IV is definitely helping.

"Good morning," Lila says, and walks over to sit in a chair next to the bed. "I'm not here for a session, or anything. I just wanted to stop by and see how you two are doing."

Tim shrugs as best he can with Lucy in his arms. "We're OK. Lucy kept repeating that sentence over and over again last night. I hope she's starting to believe it. In any case, she slept better last night."

"That's good," Lila praises, and Tim smiles at her. She's a good therapist, he thinks, and he wonders if she could be bribed to continue Lucy's care even after she's released from the hospital.

Lila continues, "But what I'm really here for is to talk toyou, Tim."

He raises an eyebrow. "About what?"

Lila sighs, and leans back in the chair. "I am… disappointed that Lucy has to have jaw surgery so soon. She's not going to be able to speak for several days due to the swelling and pain, and I'm worried about everything getting stuck in her head. If she's upset, she won't be able to talk about it, and I don't want her to lose whatever progress we made yesterday. I don't want her to be silently stewing in shame and pain."

"What can I do for her?" Tim murmurs quietly, and Lila smiles at him like he's asked the exact right question.

"Watch her closely. If she seems to be upset or retreating into herself, find a way to communicate. Have her type or write, or answer yes and no questions. Keep reassuring her that it's not her fault. And Tim?"

Tim looks up and meets her eyes, and Lila can see that he'sexhausted.

"Take care ofyourself,too. Have someone else sit with her at some point. Go home, take a nap and a shower. Eat arealmeal. Do something foryou, because she's not going to need you any less in the upcoming weeks, and you can't take care of her if you don't take care of yourself."

Tim's first reaction is to argue — he's fine, he doesn't need to go home, he'll be OK. Angela can bring him clothes and he can shower here if he needs to.

But… she's right, and heknowsshe's right even if he doesn't like it.

"OK," he whispers, and he knows he will. Although… "But probably not today. I won't leave her during or right after her surgery."

Lila chuckles, like she was expecting him to say exactly that.

"Tim,go homeduring her surgery. There's nothing you'll be able to do, anyway, and I know that you're not going to leave her while she can't talk, which will probably be two or three days. I may have only met you 24 hours ago, but I know that with my whole heart. Jaw surgery takes between three and four hours. Call some of your friends, have them sit and wait for her and keep you updated."

Timhatesthat idea. The idea of not being here while Lucy is in surgery makes his skin crawl and his heart thump painfully in his chest.

"I don't know if I can," he admits, and Lila stands up, placing a gentle hand on his arm.

"Try. Please. Not just for yourself, but for her. She needs you at your best, Tim. Nap. Shower. Eat something that doesn't come from this hospital's cafeteria. Andthenyou can pack a bag and come set up camp here in her room until she's released."

Tim nods slowly. He will. He'llgohomeat least, but he can't guarantee that he'll stay there very long.

Lila sees right through him.

"Go home andstay thereuntil Lucy is out of surgery."

Tim glares at her; she just smiles, and after several moments he rolls his eyes and nods. "Fine.I will go home and stay there until Lucy is out of surgery."

"Perfect. Now, have a good day. I'll come check in on Lucy after surgery. Even if she can't talk, I'd like to keep checking in on her, see how she's doing each day."

"Sounds good," Tim says, and waves from his spot under Lucy's warm, sleep-heavy body as Lila stands and walks toward the door.

Once she's gone, Tim reaches for his phone. Ifhewon't be here, he wants Angela. He knows that she will be just as vigilant as he would be, and that she will fight tooth and nail for Lucy if she needs to. And, just as backup, he wants Nolan, too. He and Lucy have been through a lot together, and Tim knows they're close.

They'll keep Lucy safe in his absence.

After kissing Lucy goodbye and seeing her off to the operating room, Tim runs a hand through his hair and turns to face Angela.

"Go home, Tim," she says, softly, and reaches out to put her hand on his arm. Tim stares down at her, and he hasn't seen himself in a mirror in a few hours, but he knows he looksrough. He hasn't slept more than an hour at a time since they'd found Lucy. He hasn't showered, he hasn't eaten a full meal, and he hasn't had a moment to himself to begin processing everything that had happened.

"Please," he begins, but Angela cuts him off.

"Tim, Iswearon Jack'slifethat I will call you if anything happens. I will call you ifnothinghappens. I will text you every hour, on the hour, to give you updates. Butyouare going home and getting some sleep."

"OK," he whispers, and even as he's saying the words he feels relief course through his body. He feelsbadfor feeling relief, but he does. He needs the break. He needs a minute to himself, to process and to let himselffeel.He's been keeping his emotions bottled up inside, for Lucy's sake, and he needs to grieve for everything that's happened. "OK. I'll be back soon. The doctor said about four hours, so I'll be back around 2."

"Any sooner than that and I'll make sure that hospital security won't allow you in. Got it?"

"Got it."

Tim hugs her then, long and tight, and then kisses her on the temple. "Thanks, Ang. I couldn't have done this without you. I don't know how to tell you how much it means to me, everything you've done. Lucy… if it weren't for you, we wouldn't have found Lucy as quickly as we did."

Angela doesn't say anything, but she holds Tim tightly for several more moments, and then pushes him toward the door.

"Go."

Tim goes.

He hasn't even been home for five minutes when he finds himself crawling into bed, curling into a ball, and breaking into trembling, body-wracking sobs.

He can't stop crying.

He can't stop shaking.

He can'tbreathe.

He also can't remember the last time he'd cried like this, but he knows it was probably when he was a child. Maybe when he was hiding in the closet, hoping his father couldn't hear him crying. Maybe when he had wrapped his body around Genny's to shield her from their father's hard-soled boots.

Or maybe… maybe it was when his mother had died.

Regardless, it's been so long since he's had a panic attack that it takes him a moment to recognize the signs, and when he finally does, he's well in the throes of hysteria. His chest hurts, his arms and legs are numb, andhe can't fucking breathe.

He doesn't know how long it takes him to calm down, but by the time the tears stop coming he'sdrained; he feels empty and raw, like he could shatter at any moment.

He needs to shower. To eat. To prepare a bag to go back to the hospital.

But all he can do is grab his pillow and hug it to his chest as tightly as he can. He buries his head in the soft fabric, and takes a deep, trembling breath in.

They almost hadn't found Lucy.

He'd beensocloseto losing her. Mere hours after finally giving in and admitting his feeling to her, she'd been kidnapped, assaulted, and almost raped.

It's just now hitting him, howclose he'd been to losing Lucy.

Minutes.

Seconds.

Any longer, and the Lucy that they'd found wouldn't have been the same Lucy he'd known. She would have survived, he knows, because she's the strongest person he's ever met. But she would have beendifferent, and while he knows he would haveneverleft her, he's glad that she doesn't have to endure worse than she's already facing.

Lucy.

Tim cries until his body gives in, and he falls into a deep, dreamless sleep

Notes:

I swear there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Things will start looking up soon!

Chapter 19

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Tim wakes up hours later and he isexhausted. His entire body hurts, his head is stuffed and pounding from crying, and he still feels like there's an elephant sitting on his chest. He can breathe, but it's still hard. The anxiety and constant fear of losing Lucy is weighing heavily on him.

He rolls over and grabs his phone, and immediately sits up in panic when he sees he has three missed calls and seven text messages from Angela. He hits the return call button and brings the phone to his ear with shaking fingers as he tries to remember where he kicked off his shoes.

"She's fine,"is the first thing Angela says, and Tim accidentally drops the phone in relief as he falls back into the bed.

He'sdrained.

He's on the edge.

He's spent the past seventy two hours constantly in motion. He's had almost no sleep, no food, and so much coffee he swears it's running through his veins.

"I called you because you didn't answer my texts,"Angela continues."She got out of surgery about an hour ago. She's awake and she wants me to tell you, and I quote from the notepad she wrote on, "tell Tim to stay home for a bit and take a fucking nap", so you should stay home and take a fucking nap, Tim."

She's laughing at him, but Tim is still on edge.

Lucy woke up andhe wasn't there.

"Let me talk to her," he says, and he listens to the shuffling sounds as Angela moves across the hospital room to give the phone to Lucy.

"Fair warning: she can't really talk, but I'm sure she'd love to hear your voice. I'm putting you on FaceTime."

Angela turns the phone around and hands it to Lucy, and Tim draws in a shaky breath when he sees her. Her face is swollen, he can tell, but it's wrapped with ice packs so he can't actually see the damage. She's grinning, though, so he knows the medicine she's on isstrong.

She waves and makes a noise, and Tim is quick to stop her.

"Hey, Lu. Don't try to talk. I know it's hard and it hurts. I just wanted to see you and say hi. I miss you, and I'm coming back soon."

Lucy makes a face at him that he correctly interprets as"I thought I told you to take a nap". He shakes his head, smiling at her and how she's worrying about him whenshe'sthe one in the hospital.

"Already took a nap, Lu. Fell asleep the second I got home, and I slept for like three hours. I'm gonna shower and eat and I'll be back by dinner time. Is there anything you want me to bring?"

Lucy looks contemplative for a moment and then her entire face lights up. She reaches for the notepad she's apparently been using to communicate with Angela and scribbles on it quickly before holding it up.

There's one word on it:Kojo.

Tim laughs, and it's nice, seeing her in such good spirits. He knows that her jaw is gonna hurt like hell for a few days, but the jaw surgery was the last big hurdle she had to face before coming home, and he's hopeful that soon she'll be in his bed, with Kojo at her feet watching over her faithfully.

"I'll try my best, but I'm not sure they'll let him in," he says, and Lucy pouts.

"He's her emotional support animal!"Angela yells from the other side of the room."Flash the badge if you have to."

Tim rolls his eyes and laughs at her, but he knows he's going to try.

He'll doanythingto make Lucy happy.

"OK," he says, and it's worth it to see the way Lucy smiles at him. "I'll see you soon, Lu."

Lucy waves, and Tim hangs up the phone. He drops his head into his hands and just breathes for a moment.

Lucy is fine.

Surgery wentfine.

She's on the mend, and she can come home soon. Either he'll go with her to her place, or he'll bring her back here, but he plans on being with her the entire time she's recovering (and, if he's honest with himself, he'll be with her for as long as she'll let him).

The thing is, Tim actuallydoestry to sneak Kojo into the hospital.

And itworks.

He showers and dresses in sweatpants and a black Henley, packs a bag with two more changes of clothes and his toiletries, and eats two sandwiches over the sink as quickly as he can. He grabs his shoes and keys, and is out of the door twenty minutes after ending his call with Angela. He jumps in his truck, and turns it in the direction of Angela and Wes's house. They'd been watching Kojo since Tim finally remembered thatsomeonehad to feed and watch the dog during the search for Lucy.

Wes is on board with the plan, as it turns out, and even offers to go to the hospital with Tim just in case he can't charm the front desk into letting Kojo pass.

"I'm fairly confident I can spin it," Tim says, grinning as he eases his truck into a parking spot near the front of the hospital. Wes chuckles as he gets out of the truck, and grabs Kojo's leash, leading him around to the other side for Tim to take.

"Let's go charm some unsuspecting nurses so you can see your mom," Tim coos at Kojo, and the dog barks, panting as he trots alongside them, and Tim thinks that after this is all over he'sactuallygoing to get Kojo trained as an emotional support animal. He's a very insightful, empathetic dog, and Tim thinks it would actually be fairly easy.

"I'm sorry, sir, there are no pets allowed in the hospital," a soft voice says apologetically, and Tim looks up and realizes that they've made it all the way inside the hospital while he was lost in thought.

He puts on his best, most charming smile, and crouches down to pet Kojo between the ears.

"Sorry, Kojo's not actually a pet. My girlfriend got him as an emotional support animal after the first time she was kidnapped."

Tim pauses and looks up at the woman, and Kojo seems to realize that they're trying to con the sweet nurse because he's on his very best behavior. He's sitting calmly, his bright eyes wide and begging. He's not slobbering or sniffing or doing anything other than being adorable, and Tim thinks this might actuallywork.

"We're cops, you see," he continues, and he can tell the nurse is eating it up. It also probably helps that he's 100% flirting with her, just a little bit, because he knows it would mean theworldto Lucy to be able to see her dog. "She was kidnapped last year, and… and we just rescued her from a stalker,who kidnapped her for the second time,that was trying to … well," he trails off and bites his lip, and he can see the nurse istorn."I don't have Kojo's papers. But he's very well behaved, and I promise that he won't cause any trouble. Sheneedshim. She's had two surgeries in two days and she really just needs Kojo."

Wes is watching in fascination as the nurse slowly gives in. He can see the exact moment that she decides that she's going to let them pass, and he finds himself a little in awe of the way Tim can manipulate people.

"All right," she finally says, but then points a stern finger at Kojo and then Tim in turn. "But if he gets you in trouble, don't mention my name or that I let you though. Deal?"

Tim nods eagerly, and happily clips a "visitor; emotional support animal" badge to Kojo's collar when the nurse hands it to him. He takes his own visitor's badge and hands one to Wes, and then leads them toward the elevator.

Kojo continues being the best dog Tom's ever seen, and he wishes that he would do thisall the time.

"Good boy," he whispers, and Kojo gives him a slobbery lick on his hand as he reaches down to pet the dog again. "You're the best boy."

Kojo yaps and Wes laughs.

"That was inspiring," he comments, and Tim shrugs.

"Got lots of practice. I used to flirt with the dispatch girl to give me the most felony calls when we would compete with the rookies. Lucy yelled at me about it," he remembers fondly, and then smiles down at Kojo. "Came in handy today, though. Didn't think I'd actually get him in, but she's gonna be so happy."

Wes just chuckles and nods, and then leads them out of the elevator when they arrive at Lucy's floor. Tim knows exactly where he's going, and steers them both to the room that Lucy's in, ignoring the looks he's getting from nurses and families.

Act like you belong, and people won't question you, he remembers teaching his rookies, and it works. No one stops him or Kojo, and Tim grins as he reaches for the door handle of her room.

"Come on, buddy. Let's go see mom."

Kojo barks, and follows Tim into the room.

Notes:

Next chapter: Lucy is released from the Hospital!

Chapter 20

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

The look on Lucy's face when she sees Kojo and Tim enter the room is worth every ounce of awkwardness he'd suffered while flirting with the nurse, Tim thinks, and he can't help the answering smile that breaks out over his own lips.

Lucy looks… rough.

Her face is even more swollen than it had been when they'd FaceTimed earlier, but he was prepared for this. He'd been warned; the swelling would continue for several hours post surgery before tapering off around twelve hours later. The nurses have changed the ice packs, however; they cover her entire jaw all the way up to her temples, and are being held on by tightly wrapped gauze. There's leftover blood from the surgery still on her sensitive skin, and Tim knows they won't try and clear it until after she's hurting less.

"Hey," he says, and he walks slowly toward her. When he's close to the bed he reaches down and picks Kojo up in his arms, settling him onto the sheets beside Lucy.

Kojo immediately whimpers and begins licking the skin on Lucy's arms. His bright eyes are wide and filled with concern for his human.

"Kojo missed his mommy," Tim whispers. He sits down on the bed beside Kojo, and his heart is so full it feels like his chest is going to burst at the sight before him. Lucy is smiling as widely as she can, considering the gauze and ice packs andpain,and there are tears of happiness streaking slowly down her cheeks. She has both of her hands buried in Kojo's fur, and is making soft noises at him. Kojo keeps inching closer, pushing his snout into her side and her underarm and gently, ever-so-gently, licking her jaw and cheek and nose.

Lucy giggles, and Tim loves her so much.

"Good boy," Tim whispers, and he, too, scratches Kojo's head.

Kojo may behisnow, legally, but Tim will doanythingto make sure that Lucy has him when she needs him. She had gotten him on a whim, the first time, but Tim can see now that she needs him, and can understand what drove her to adopt him from the shelter.

"I brought you something else," he adds, and Lucy looks up from where she has been sniffing Kojo's fur. Tim knows it smells good — he springs for the good, oatmeal scented dog shampoo — and he hopes it's a comforting scent for Lucy. If it isn't now, he hopes it will become one. The shared scent of them and Kojo in his bed is already a comfort for him, and he's only spent one night with her there.

Lucy gives him a curious look, and Tim can see by the glaze in her eyes that she's still under the influence of the anesthesia and pain meds. He hopes she can rest soon, that she'll sleep through the worst of this, but for now…

Lucy's eyes light up again when she sees the fruit juice he pulls from his bag. She's been NPO for the past forty-eight hours, unable to eat or drink due to surgery, and Tim knows very well that the Blueberry Acai V8 Fusion is her absolute favorite. He has six bottles of it in his bag, as well as chicken noodle soup from her favorite restaurant. He sets down the juice and the soup on the little table in front of her, and Lucy claps her hands in glee.

Tim leans over and kisses her cheek, gently, and stands to his feet. As he does, he notices that Angela and Wes have disappeared, and he smiles and shakes his head.

"I'm gonna go find some straws, Lu. I'll be right back. Kojo, stay," he tells the dog. Kojo lazily rolls his head over to stare at Tim, and Tim is pretty sure that Kojo won't be going anywhere for a very long time. He looks well and truly settled in, half on Lucy's lap and half pressed up against her side. Tim kisses him on the head, too, and walks out to the nurses station.

He has straws and clearance to let Lucy eat and drink within five minutes, but when he walks back into the room, Lucy is out cold, Kojo snoring loudly from where he's settled his head on her chest.

Tim quietly lays the straws down, and settles himself in the chair beside her bed.

He's not going anywhere, either.

Lucy has just woken up from her impromptu nap and is happily sipping her chicken noodle soup when Lila knocks on the door later that afternoon.

"Hello," she says. "It's nice to see you awake and smiling, Lucy! And, oh my goodness, who isthis?"

Lila is immediately distracted by Kojo, but doesn't move to touch him until Tim speaks up.

"This is Kojo, Lucy's … unofficial emotional support dog."

"Unofficial?" Lila asks, raising an eyebrow, and Tim smiles sheepishly.

"Yes. For now. I'm going to get him certified when we get out of here. I was able to charm the nurse into letting me bring him in for today, though. Lucy needs him."

Tim is staring at Lila in a way that justinvitesher to disagree with him, but she doesn't even bother. She just continues smiling, taking in the scene before her. Kojo is still splayed half across Lucy's chest, his snout on her collarbone and his wide brown eyes focused on her intently. His tail wags when he notices another presence in the room, but his main focus isLucy,and he doesn't let Lila distract him.

"He's good for her," Lila praises, and takes a seat across from Tim. "He's clearly a smart boy. You can see how in tune he is to Lucy, how well he's reading her emotions."

Kojo wags his tail faster, as if he understands the praise, and spares a single glance to size up Lila. He clearly doesn't deem her a threat, and happily goes back to snuggling Lucy. His tongue flicks out occasionally to lick her chin or her neck, but other than that, he's content to act as a fuzzy, slobbery weighted blanket.

Lucy reaches for the notepad and pen, and Tim pushes them toward her. She grabs the pen and jots a quick note and holds it out to Lila before returning her attention to her soup. Lila grabs the notepad, and smiles softly as she reads the note.

Kojo makes me feel safe, just like Tim.

"I would be happy to write and sign a letter stating that Kojo is your emotional support animal. It's actually a common misconception that you have to officially certify emotional support animals. All youactuallyneed is a signed ESA letter from a medical professional, and I can have it typed and signed by the end of the day today. We can make Kojo official before you even leave the hospital. All you have to do is get online and find him a service dog harness so people don't question you."
Lucy's eyes light up and she's smiling so big that she has trouble sipping her soup. Tim reaches over and buries his fingers in Kojo's fur, and he's trying hard to swallow down the emotion that's threatening to overtake him. Justhoursago everything had seemed so bleak and the challenges had seemedinsurmountable,but here, in this moment, it feels like everything is going to be OK.

"Thank you," he says softly, and Lila smiles at the little family before her.

"It's the least I can do. Now, not every business will recognize an emotional support animal, but you do have some rights under the law. I'll bring a print-out on ESA's as well, get you all the information you need. But, just watching Kojo and Lucy right now, it's easy to see that this is something that she needs, and it's something that Kojo is good at."

Tim is about to thank her again,endlessly,when Kojo turns toward him and barks. He laughs instead, and scratches Kojo between the ears.

"What's up, boy?" he asks, and Kojo wags his tail so hard his entire backside wiggles. Lucy giggles at him, eyes bright and happy (and a little glazed). "Do you need to go potty?"

Kojo barks again but he doesn't try to stand up or jump off the bed, and Tim wonders if heknowsLucy is hurt, and doesn't want to hurt her further. He lets Tim pick him up and set him on the ground, and then he sniffs out and nudges at his leash, giving Tim a pointed stare.

"Looks like I need to find him some grass," Tim says, and he stands to clip Kojo's leash to his collar before pausing. "I don't… I don't want to leave Lucy alone," he says, and looks toward Lila. "Can you stay with her until I get back?"

Lila looks contemplative for a moment, and then stands to her feet.

"Actually, I think I have a better idea."

Less than half an hour later, Lucy has been carefully settled into a wheelchair, her various wires and IVs tucked in and attached to the IV pole, and Lila is pushing her chair into the elevator while Tim leads Kojo. She's practically vibrating with happiness; staring at the bland hospital walls had been driving hercrazy, and to get to go outside with her two favorite boys in the entire world seems like such atreat.

Lucy reaches out and grabs Tim's hand, and he smiles softly down at her, squeezing tightly.

Lila notices the intimate gesture and questions, "How long have you two been together?"

Lucy lets out a chuckle and Tim's cheeks turn pink as he runs his free hand through his hair.

"Uh… so that's a little complicated, actually. Officially like five days… but four of those were spent either trying to find her or in the hospital. But we've been partners for over a year, and have been dancing around this for at least half of that time."

Lila's eyes are wide and her mouth is open in shock.

"Five days? I would have assumed you'd been together foryears!"

Tim smiles bashfully, and shakes his head. "No, it took a while for me to get my head out of my ass. And, well, IwasLucy's training officer. Nothing could have happened while I was training her. But now she's graduated, and … it just kind of happened. This whole situation forced us to see what was right in front of us. We realized thatyes, it will be hard dating another cop in the same station, but it's worth it. The day after Lucy found the first note, I told her I loved her."

"I am…astoundedby the bond you two have," Lila admits, and reaches out to put a hand on Lucy's shoulder. "I've seen couples who have been together for much,muchlonger than you who don't even have half the relationship you do. So, maybe it has only been a few days, but I can tell that you two? You're in it for the long haul."

Tim looks down at Lucy, and her chest feels warm and tight at thefondnessin his eyes.

The elevator dings then, snapping them all out of their little bubble of privacy and happiness, and Tim leads them toward the courtyard he'd seen on his way into the hospital. Once they're outside and he confirms no one else is in the courtyard with them, he unclips Kojo and watches as the dog bounces off, sniffing every bush to find the best one to pee on.

Tim shakes his head at Kojo's antics, and then turns to see Lucy practicallymeltingin the sunshine. She has her face angled up, her eyes closed, and is smiling as she absorbs the warmth.

"I am, you know," he whispers, and takes a seat at the picnic table Lila had parked Lucy's wheelchair next to. "In it for the long haul, that is. No matter how hard recovery and therapy are, no matter how many fights we have. Until youtellme to leave, I'm here."

Lucy grimaces in pain, but manages to whisper, "Never," with conviction. Tim smiles and kisses her swollen cheek gently.

He's going to marry this woman one day, he thinks, and healmostblurts the words out but manages to hold himself in check.

Now is not the time.

But … maybe soon it will be, he thinks. When they're out of the hospital and settled in at home (his home, which hedesperatelywants to makeherhome as well), when they've healed a little more and are ready to move forward together.

Tim smiles when he feels Lucy rest against his side. He kisses her forehead, entwines their fingers, and relaxes into the sunshine with the love of his life by his side and their dog chasing Lila playfully around the courtyard.

It had been less than three days ago that he thought he'd lost this forever.

He's not sure he would have ever been able to come back from that, and he's glad he doesn't have to find out.

Lucy is here, with him, and it's everything he could have ever hoped for.

Notes:

Remember, two steps forward, one step back! They're doing good, but there will still be little issues.

Next chapter I really do promise that she'll be released from the hospital.

Chapter 21

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

"And you'resureyou can release her today? She's ready? Forsure?"

Angela and Lucy are laughing at Tim as he paces around the room, running his hand through his hair. The doctor is also looking on in amusement; Lucy could care less, as long as she has juice and chicken noodle soup, and as long as Tim is taking care of her, she's sure she will.

"Yes, Mr. Bradford. She's ready. We normally do jaw surgery like we did yesterday as an outpatient procedure, but she was already here so we went ahead and kept her overnight. Her ankle is on the mend. Her newest x-rays show that everything is aligned and where it should be, and her lab work is perfect. She'll be discharged with pain medication, an antibiotic just in case since she's had two surgeries this week, and lots and lots of ice packs. And, we're just a call away if you need help."

Tim looks positivelyterrified.

He turns to Lucy, eyes wide, and she smiles at him from under Kojo. He's asleep and his tiny, huffing snores areadorable.

"You're staying with me," he says, and Lucy rolls her eyes.

"Of course," she mumbles, and her voice is still muffled through the gauze and ice packs, but she's speaking much better than she had the day before. "Can'twalk, Tim."

Angela snorts, and Tim shoots her a dirty look.

"All right. So, when are we expecting to be discharged?"

The doctor shuffles through his paperwork and shrugs. "We're waiting on her prescriptions to be filled, and for Dr. Montgomery — Lila, that is — to drop by and set you up with all the information you'll need for continued therapy after you leave."

"Sounds good. Thank you, doc," Tim says. He drops into the chair beside Lucy's bed, and reaches out to bury his fingers in Kojo's fur. Lucy puts her hand over his and squeezes it, and he looks up to meet her gaze.

"I'm fine, Tim," she whispers, and Tim groans, dropping his head to land on Kojo's back.

"No, you're not," he says, and then sighs. "But youwillbe."

"Yes, yes, this is all very sweet," Angela cuts in, and Lucy chuckles. "But we have more important things to talk about. Lucy, I'm headed over to your place to pack a bag for you. You need to tell me where to find everything, and what you want. You've got at least four more weeks that you've got to be off that ankle, and there arestairsup to your apartment. For the time being, you live with Tim. So, give me the whole list."

Lucy nods, and Tim sits back, his eyes closing as Lucy and Angela's voices wash over him. He clasps his hands together and rests them on his stomach, breathing in and out deeply. He's vaguely aware of Lucy listing the things she needs, but he knows it won't be a big deal if they forget something. He can order anything she needs for same-day delivery, or run to her apartment if there's something specific she wants.

Although… he hates the idea of being in her apartment, after everything that had happened. It doesn't feelsafeanymore, and he's hoping he can convince Lucy to move, toneverspend another night there again. He'd be more than happy to help her find another apartment.

Or… well, she could always live with him.

He knows it's too soon, so he pushes the thought to the back of his mind.

It'll be interesting to see how difficult it is for them to live together over the next several weeks, and while he thinks that Lucy's generally messy style willdrive him up the wall, there's nothing he wants more than to see her clothes mixed in with his in the hamper. He wants to see her books with his on the bookshelf. He wants to see her pictures and her plants in his living room, and he wants to seeherin his house.

Theirhouse one day, hopefully.

Or maybe they could find a new house, together.

"Tim?"

Tim looks up suddenly, torn from his thoughts, to see Angela staring at him. It doesn't look like it's the first time she's called his name, because she has an amused grin on her face. Tim rolls his eyes at her as she stands up, one hand on the edge of Lucy's bed and one on her baby belly to balance herself.

"Yeah? Sorry, lost in thought."

"I asked if you wanted me to just bring all of Lucy's stuff to your house, so that you don't have to haul it home from the hospital."

"Oh, yeah. That would be great," Tim says, and offers Angela a smile. "Thanks so much. We…Icouldn't have done this without you."

Angela just nods, and then leans over and kisses Lucy on the cheek before heading toward the door.

"I'll come visit when you're all settled in. Let me know if there'sanythingI can do, Tim."

He nods and brushes a hand over his face. He's sure there's a lot to be done. The fridge will need cleaned out; he hasn't been home in a week, and he's sure most of the vegetables and fruits have gone rotten. He'll need to order groceries and do laundry and mow the lawn, too. But, honestly, he just wants to behome. With Lucy, and Kojo, where they can rest and heal and justbe.

"Ready to go home," Lucy whispers, and Tim reaches for her hand, entwining their fingers. He kisses her knuckles and lets out a sigh of contentment.

He's sure she doesn'tmeanto call his househome,but he likes it.

He likes it a lot.

By the time Tim and Lucy sign all the release papers, haul all of her things down the elevator and pack the car, Lucy is alreadyexhausted. She hasn't even done anything other than sign her name and change into comfortable leggings and a t-shirt, but she still feels like she needs anap. Tim had carried all of her things and had helped her into the wheelchair and the truck, and yet she feels her eyes slipping closed as she leans back against the familiar leather of his truck.

Tim climbs in beside her and reaches over, helping her buckle herself in, and then sighs deeply as he turns to face the windshield.

"We've got your prescriptions, the number for the nurse on call, and I've ordered groceries to the house. Since Lila wasn't able to make it to see you today, she said she'd do a video session with us tomorrow morning, and Wes is dropping Kojo off tonight. Am I forgetting anything?"

Lucy shakes her head, but she's honestly not sure if she would remember even if theyhadforgotten something.

"Home," she requests, and Tim nods, turning the key in the ignition and slowly backing the truck out of the spot.

Lucy doesn't remember much of the ride to Tim's place. She keeps falling asleep and then waking up every time they stop at a red light; it's notrestfulsleep, but she can't stop herself. The rumbling of the truck and the warmth of the sun shining in the windshield make her eyes heavy, and before she knows it Tim has pulled into his garage and is turning the truck off.

"What do you need?" Tim asks, and even though she's half asleep, Lucy can see that he's anxious. He's worried about her and about how to take care of her, but her needs right now are very simple.

"I want to sleep," she murmurs, and Tim is nodding but she's not done. "I want you to hold me while I sleep. I wantyouto get some sleep. I want Kojo to sleep with us, too, and when we wake up I want you toorderdinner and not worry about cooking, and then I want to sleep somemore."

Tim chuckles as he leans over and kisses her temple. He quickly gets out of the truck and walks over to her side, opening her door. His heart feels like it's going to burst when she sleepily holds out her arms to him, and he knows that she just wants help down but he can't help himself. He takes her gently into his arms, bridal style, and tucks her against his chest.

"Tim," she says, exasperation clear in her voice, but he doesn't give in. He holds her tighter, and she sighs, letting herself melt against him. She nuzzles the uninjured side of her face into his chest and lets out a little noise of contentment as he turns to carry her inside. "Going to hurt your back," she grumbles, but Tim just chuckles and ignores her.

"We can do all of those things you asked for, except for Kojo. Wes said he'd bring him by later tonight, after he's done at the courthouse. So, your first nap will have to be with just me."

Lucy lets out a dramatic sigh. "IsupposeI'll survive," she says, and Tim rolls his eyes fondly.

He carries her all the way into his bedroom and pulls down the blankets before settling her in on the side he doesn't sleep on. He's tempted to climb in beside her immediately, but he knows that it'll make the rest of the night much easier if he does a few things first, so he goes to the kitchen to fill a glass with water, grabs Lucy's pain medication, and deposits both on her bedside table.

"Tiiiiiim," she whines, and he looks over to see her staring at him from the bed, already curled into a little ball under his blankets, and he wants to go to her. He wants to curl his body around hers and make sure nothing bad ever happens to her again.

"Just gotta change real fast," he assures her, because sleeping in jeans isnotcomfortable. He debates taking his clothes into the bathroom to change, but knows it'll be much faster to just change in his room, so he does even though he can feel Lucy's eyes on him the whole time. He takes off his henley and swaps it for a comfortable t-shirt that's a size too large, and considers pajama pants but instead just tosses his jeans into the hamper and decides his boxer shorts will be good enough.

Lucy is gearing up to begin complaining again (and really, he's going to miss it when she's not on pain medication, he thinks, because she's really very funny on the pills), so Tim quickly traverses the room and crawls into bed beside her, being careful of her ankle and her jaw. Lucy has no such reservations, and curls her entire body around him, groaning from the pain once or twice and having to reposition, but she eventually finds a comfortable way to arrange all of her limbs and tucks her head under Tim's jaw before letting out a huge sigh of satisfaction.

"Thasbetter," she mumbles, and Tim smiles, endlessly charmed by her.

"Go to sleep," he whispers, and Lucy doesn't even fight him.

"OK," she says, and Tim can feel the moment she drops into unconsciousness. Her entire body relaxes and her breaths come in long, relaxed puffs against his chest.

He closes his eyes, and follows her.

Less than two hours later, Tim is woken up to what he imagines is his worst nightmare.

Lucy is screaming and thrashing on the bed, tears coursing down her cheeks, and her breath iscoming in quick, panting sobs. She's managed to tangle her injured ankle in the blanket, and Tim knows that it musthurt, but he'll deal with that in a minute, he thinks, because his first thought is towake her upso that she can stop hurting herself further in the throes of her nightmare.

"Lu," he whispers, and he reaches a hand out to touch her shoulder.

He's expecting to have to try several times to wake her; he knows that whenhe'shaving a nightmare, he's not easily woken.

Instead, thesecondhis hand touches Lucy, her eyes fly open and she jerks away from him, almost falling off the bed anddefinitelyhurting her ankle and jaw in the process.

"Don't touch me!" she cries, and Timknowsthat she's not really talking tohim.

Heknowsthat.

But it doesn't stop the pain that tears through his heart, and it doesn't stop the way he immediately shrinks away from her, the way he moves as close to the edge as he can, to give her the space she needs.

She's still in the grips of her nightmare, however, and can't see clearly through her tears.

"Get away from me," she sobs, and Tim knows she's hysterical.

She thinks he's Chris.

She thinks he'ssomeone else, someone trying to hurt her, and she'safraid.

"No, no,no,stop," she chants, and she's crying so hard that Tim knows she'll pass out or throw up if it continues, but he doesn't know how tohelp her.

"Lucy," he pleads, and there are tears in his own eyes as he watches her. She's scrambling against the headboard, her injured ankle tucked under her (and he's suddenly thankful that they'd put her in a boot before letting her leave the hospital, so at least he knows she won't be able to injure herself too much). "Lucy, it'sme, it's Tim. It's just me, I'm not going to hurt you, I swear. I could never hurt you.Lucy," he begs, and he can see her beginning to come back to herself as he continues to whisper comforting words.

"T-Tim?" she asks after several silent moments, and Tim deflates in relief.

"Yeah, Lu, it's just me. It's just me. You're at my house, in my bed, and no one can hurt you, all right?"

Lucy nods and wraps her arms around her knees, pulling them tightly to her chest, and Tim wants to hold her.

But he doesn't know if heshould.

He doesn't know if touching her will make it worse.

He's lost, and she's hurting, and he doesn't know how to make it better.

"What can I do?" he asks, and his voice is hoarse from the way he's been crying.

Lucy just shakes her head, and curls into herself more tightly.

"Can I … can I hold you?" he asks, and when Lucy looks up with fear in her eyes, Tim's heart breaks just a little bit more. "Lucy, can I touch you? It's just me. It's just Tim, I won't ever hurt you, Lu. You're safe with me. Can I just hold your hand?"

After a long, tense moment, Lucy finally nods, and holds out a shaking hand. Tim entwines their fingers, and Lucy lets out a long, shuddering breath at the contact.

"Lay back down, Lu," he whispers, and it takes a long time. It takes what could behours, but eventually Lucy stops shaking. She stops crying. Her breathing evens out.

But she doesn't return to his arms.

She holds his hand, and curls into the pillows and blankets on her side of the bed, and falls back to sleep.

The space between them has never felt so insurmountable, and it takes Tim a very long time to fall back to sleep that night.

Notes:

Tim and Lucy need hugs, therapy, and more hugs. In that exact order, please.

Never fear! Lila will be there in the morning to help Tim and Lucy.

Chapter 22

Chapter Text

Lucy has three more nightmares that night, and though she wakes from each one crying, she doesn't pull away from Tim's comfort. And, when he wakes up in the morning, she's sleeping comfortably in his arms.

It helps reassure him that hehadn'tcrossed one of Lucy's boundaries. He's beenterrifiedthat he'd pushed her by being too close, and had caused her meltdown.

Lucy wakes slowly (thankfully), returning to consciousness calmly rather than with the fear and sadness that had plagued each of her previous awakenings. She lets her eyes flutter open into the pre-dawn light, and the first thing she's aware of is thepainin her ankle and jaw.

"Ow," she whispers, and she hears Tim's warm chuckle from beside her.

"I thought that might be the case," he murmurs, and he shifts just enough to grab the pain pill and water bottle that he'd set out the previous night. He hands both to Lucy, and she swallows the pill gratefully before dropping her head back on Tim's chest, waiting for the drugs to kick in.

"Everything hurts," she complains, and Tim hums in agreement. He's holding her gently this morning, not the all-consuming hugs she's used to, and she knows it's her fault. She remembers, as much as she wishes shedidn't, how she'd pulled away from him and screamed when he'd touched her. "Sorry," she adds, and Tim shakes his head. The pillow beneath him rustles at the movement, and it's all Lucy hears for several long seconds.

"It's not your fault," Tim finally says, and Lucy sucks in a breath. "Remember? You're supposed to practice saying that to yourself."

"But… itwasmy fault, pulling away from you. I'm not apologizing because of what Chris did," she whispers, and bites her lip as she stares resolutely at the soft, red fabric of Tim's shirt. "I'm apologizing because of whatIdid."

"No, it'snotyour fault," Tim explains, and one of his hands has moved now to gently caress the skin of her cheek and her forehead, and to run gently through her hair. He's working out the kinks in her curls, slowly, gently, and she's not sure she's ever had a boyfriend be thistenderwith her before. "If Chris hadn't done what he did, you wouldn't have been scared when you woke up. If he hadn't hurt and assaulted you, you wouldn't be wary of a man touching you. But hedid, so itis not your fault."

"Oh," Lucy says, because she hadn't thought of it like that. She grins, and presses the uninjured side of her jaw against the skin of Tim's neck where his t-shirt has slipped down. "I love you."

Tim smiles, and kisses her head. "I love you, too."

They lay in silence for a long time, just enjoying being close to each other, and Tim is just happy that Lucy isn't afraid of him. He'd known, deep down, that her reaction hadn't been because it washimtouching her. It was because she was trapped in the memories of what Chris had done, and she hadn't been able to separate his touch from her trauma.

"We gotta get up soon," Lucy laments, and sighs as she rolls over onto her back. The medication has finally kicked in; she's feeling less like she's been beaten half to death by a bat, and she feels like she might even be able to make it to the kitchen table for breakfast.

"Don't want to," Tim mumbles, and Lucy chuckles.

She'd always imagined him to be a morning person, up at the crack of dawn to run seventeen miles or something dramatic like that.

Instead, he'scuddly, and handsy, and not wanting to let her go.

"We have our Zoom call with Lila in an hour, and I want pancakes," she says, and pokes Tim in the chest. He chuckles and sits up, groaning as he stretches his hands over his head. He runs them through his hair, ruffling it up and generally making a mess of it.

"Pancakes, huh?"

"Yes, with chocolate chips."

Tim wants to tease her for her sweet tooth, but honestly he's too relieved that she's not shying away from his touch to put up much of a fight.

"All right," he agrees, giving in, and Lucy awards him with one of her full face, dimpled smiles. She sighs in satisfaction and lays back on Tim's pillow, watching as he grabs a pair of sweatpants and pulls them on over his boxers. He takes his shirt off and Lucy lets her eyes travel the expanse of his chest and abs for one long moment before he pulls on a new, clean t-shirt.

Tim hears her sigh of regret and turns around, grinning.

"Liked the little show, did you?"

Lucy wiggles in the bed, pulling the blanket up under her chin. "Yes. You can repeat that anytime."

"Good to know," Tim says, and leans down to kiss her on the cheek before heading toward the door. "I'll come get you when coffee is ready. Rest."

Lucy happily obliges, relaxing back into the bed.

She falls back to sleep before Tim even finishes the coffee.

Tim wakes Lucy up with just enough time to eat two pancakes, down two cups of coffee, and change into something more presentable before settling her on the couch with his laptop in front of them. He's fussing with the blanket, tucking and re-tucking it around her, when the noise of Zoom alerts him that Lila has joined the call.

"Hey, guys!" she greets them enthusiastically, and Tim takes a seat beside Lucy, putting his arm around her shoulder without really thinking about it.

"Hey, Lila," Lucy greets, and she lays her head on Tim's shoulder as she sips her coffee. "Thanks for meeting with us, since I'm not in the hospital anymore. I know you don't really have to."

"Of course! I wish I could have seen you before you left, but there was a little emergency on another floor. I have a lot to go over with you, including the name and contact information of Dr. Nevens. She's wonderful, and she said she'd take you both on, individually as well as a couple."

"That's great," Tim says, but his heart rate increases as he thinks about his upcoming individual session.

He'd been against therapy forso long; he knows it's going to take a while to change his mindset, even if he knows he's doing it for the right reasons.

"Yes, it is. She's going to call later this morning to set up appointments. She wants to meet with you individually sometime this week, and then set up a schedule. Tim, you'll have weekly appointments, and Lucy you'll be bi-weekly to begin with. I assume your dual session will be once a week, as well, but Dr. Nevens will have more information on that."

"Thank you so much," Lucy says sincerely, and then sips her coffee as she waits for Lila to begin.

"I want to talk to you two today about getting back to normal. You're likely to experience some hiccups, as it were, now that you're home. It's … easier, in the hospital. Someone else is making the food, doing the dishes, bringing you your medication. Once you're home, it's a little harder."

Lucy bites her lip. "Yes. We… might have experienced something like that last night."

Lila makes an inquiring noise, and Lucy sighs before continuing. "I had a nightmare."

"Ah.Yes, that's common after a traumatic experience.But I assume there's more to it. I know you had several nightmares while in the hospital, and none of them seem to have rattled you like this."

Lucy nods before glancing up at Tim. He smiles encouragingly, and the hand around her shoulder tangles in her hair, anchoring her.

"I, um… I freaked out on Tim. I pushed him away and yelled and wouldn't let him touch me."

"You seem to be fine with touch now," Lila notes, and Lucy nods.

"Yes, once I was more awake and aware, I was fine. I'm not scared ofTim. He's a giant teddy bear," she says, and Tim rolls his eyes.

"Youdoremember when I used to incite fear in youdaily, right?"

Lucy laughs and nods.

"Even then, you were secretlysoft, Tim. I know your secrets now. Looking back, you always took care of me, even when you were yelling at me. Normally you were yelling at mebecauseyou were taking care of me. Remember when Emmett went off on you?"

Tim nods slowly; hedoesremember, and he still feels a little bad about it. "It was thatcase; it got to me. A dead rookie. A rookiedied, because they hadn't been trained well enough, or they hadn't paid enough attention… whatever it was, they were just suddenlygone. And I was terrified that it could happen to you. You were so close to graduating, and I would be able to watch your back anymore, and the only way I knew how to face that was to yell, to continue training you."

"I know," Lucy says softly, and they stare into each other's eyes until a chuckle from Lila brings them back to the present.

"You two don't even need me, do you?" she asks laughingly. "But I have something I want to say, anyway. Tim, this is going to happen again, and I know that it's going to be just as hard for you as it is for Lucy. I know you want to help her, and that her pushing you away is going tohurt. But it's the process of healing. The process of trauma. So, next time it happens, remember that she's not scared ofyou. She's remembering what happened. Just like I taught Lucy to say 'this wasn't my fault', I want you to remember that how she reacts isn't because ofyou. She's not scared ofyou, and when she calms down, it's going to beyoushe wants."

"I know," Tim says, and he does. This morning is a perfect example of that; Lucy is curled into his side on the couch, his hand is in her hair, and she feels safer with him than she has since before everything happened with Caleb.

"Good. Now, the next topic I want to hit might be a little tougher. Something you said to me the other day made me think of it,"she says, and Lucy turns to look at Tim, curious.

"What did I say?" he asks, confused, and Lila laughs at them.

"No need to look so concerned. It's not anything bad. When I asked how long you'd been together you told me five days. It just made me think of something that I want you to be aware and cognizant of."

Tim reaches out and takes Lucy's hand, waiting. He's notnervousnecessarily. He just feels like there's so much against them, and he doesn't want theone more thingto be the thing that breaks them.

"Because you haven't been together very long, I assume you haven't had sex."

Lucy blushes and looks down, and Tim knowsexactlywhere this is going.

"No," he confirms, and Lila nods knowingly.

"Then this is something you need to be aware of, open about, and willing to navigate together. You two have a fantastic bond. One of the strongest, most loving bonds I've ever seen. But when you reach the point where you are ready to have sex, Lucy's trauma is going to complicate things."

Lucy refuses to look at the computer. She's playing with the loose threads on the blanket Tim had wrapped around her, and biting her lip.

Shewantsthat with Tim, she thinks. She wants to be close to him, and to be intimate with him. She wants to kiss him, hold him, and make love to him. She wantseverythingwith him.

But itscaresher.

The thought of being naked and vulnerable in front of him scares her. Having him touch her the way Chris had touched her scares her (in the sameplacesChris had, that is — she knows Tim wouldnevertouch her with the same intention or evil that Chris had).

"Lucy?"

Lucy realizes that the silence has gone on too long, and both Tim and Lila are watching her.

"Sorry," she says, and takes a deep breath.

She knows she needs to face this, to tackle it head on.

"Yeah. I'm… there's gonna be issues with that. It's not that I don'twantthat with you," she says, and she turns to look at Tim, ignoring the laptop in front of them. Her eyes are wide, begging him to understand. "I just… Chris touched me, all over. His hands wereeverywhere. There's no… there's nowhere he didn't touch me. And … you hugging and holding me is different. It's notsexual. It's…"

She pauses, and leans away from Tim to gather her thoughts. She angles her body so that he has her full attention, and forces herself to meet his eyes.

"Chris put his fingers inside of me," she says, and the words bring back memories of the way she had tried to fight, tried to get away from him. It brings back memories of how she hadn't been even slightly wet, how much it hadhurt. How dirty she felt, having any part of that man inside of her. "And I'm afraid that if you touch me like that, I'll freak out. I'm afraid that if you touch me, all I'll remember ishim."

Tim nods and swallows hard. His eyes are moist with tears, but he won't let them fall. He needs to be the supportive one right now, he thinks, so he shoves down his pain and anger and speaks softly.

"I know. I will never do anything you don't feel comfortable with.Never," he assures her, and Lila makes a noise on the laptop. They turn their attention back to the therapist, and she offers them a small, sympathetic smile.

"I don't actually advocate completely dismissing intimacy or sex. In fact, as long as you move at a pace that's comfortable for you, rebuilding that intimacy is a good thing. Mutual masturbation is a great place to start, because it's very intimate but you'd only have your own hands on your body, Lucy. Oral sex and fingering are good next steps before full penetration. However, at any point in this process, hell, maybe atevery pointin this process, there are going to be hiccups and bumps. Tim, if Lucy has to stop forany reason, you have to keep in mind that it has nothing to do with you. Or, I should say it's notbecauseof you. It does have something to do with you in the sense that you're a part of the relationship and you will be navigating this together."

"I know that," Tim says, and squeezes Lucy's hand in his.

"I know youknow, Tim," Lila assures him, smiling through the screen of the laptop. "But experiencing it,livingit, is different. The first time that Lucy asks you to stop, it's going to hurt. But the truth is that you're in this together. It's going to be a process, and you're going to need to make sure you're being open and honest with each other. I'm very glad you're doing dual sessions with Dr. Nevens, because this is going to be something that comes up again."

"We'll be open with each other," Lucy promises, and settles back into Tim's side. Tim nods, and kisses her on the forehead.

"We've made it this far," Tim agrees, and lets himself melt back into the couch. "We've gone through a lot together, and Lucy always insists ontalkingabout everything. So, I think it'll be fine. I thinkwe'llbe fine."

"Good,"Lila responds, and Tim watches as she smiles at them both. "Now, Dr. Nevens will be contacting you later today. Until then, get some rest, you two. I'll check in on you every once in a while. I'm a little invested. You two have grown on me."

Tim thanks her, and then hangs up the call.

He leans back, and runs his hand through Lucy's hair.

Neither of them speaks for several moments, but shockingly, it'sLucywho breaks the silence first.

"Tim, you know that Iwantto have sex with you, right?"

Tim nods and shrugs. "Yeah, but there's no rush, Lu. We can take as long as we need. As long asyouneed. Days, months… however long, no matter what."

"I don'twantto take forever," she whispers, and sighs. She's comfortable like this, snuggled up against Tim, but she knows that cuddling is very different than sex. She knows that Tim is safe, and that he'd never hurt her, but she also knows that it's going to take a while for her body and brain to agree.

"I'm in no rush. I'm in this, Lu. I love you and I want to be with you in every way, but you're calling the shots here, OK? Whatever you want, whenever you're ready."

Lucy sighs and lays her head on Tim's shoulder, entwining their fingers again and enjoying the closeness.

"All right," she agrees softly, and then bites her lip again (and Tim is going to have to work on breaking her of that habit; her lips are too soft and lovely for her to be biting them like that).

"What?" Tim finally asks, because he can see that she wants to ask something.

"Can… can I have more pancakes?" she asks, shyly, and Tim breaks out into laughter, letting his head fall back onto the couch with a thump.

"Oh, I love you," he says, and Lucy grins, shifting around on the couch and pushing on Tim's shoulder.

"Pancakes," she repeats, and he gives in easily, pressing his lips to hers softly, lovingly, before she pushes him away and demands more fluffy breakfast food.

"Go," she demands, laughing and fond and thankful for Tim Bradford and everything he's done for her.

Tim goes.

Chapter 23

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

The next 24 hours pass in a blur of pain medication, naps with Tim and Kojo, and cuddling on the couch to watch mindless TV. Tim waits on her hand and foot, and it'snice,if a little weird. She's trying to get used to using the crutches, because she knows she'll need to use them when she goes back to work, and whenTimgoes back to work, but it's hard to convince herself to hobble around on them when Tim isalways thereto pick her up and carry her wherever she needs to go.

But this…

She isn't sure how they're going to handlethis.

"I need to shower."

"OK," Tim says, and she doesn't think he realizes what shemeans.

When she'd been in the hospital, the nurses had helped her. They hadn't evenlether in the shower; they'd given her sponge baths, and had washed her hair over a basin.

"Tim, I can't… I need help."

"Oh," he says, and he turns to stare at her. They're sitting together on the couch, lazily leaning on each other and sharing a bowl of popcorn between them. They'd been watching House Hunters, and when Lucy had seen the pristine bathroom, she had suddenlyachedfor a shower. "Um," Tim continues, and sets the popcorn on the coffee table. "What do you need?"

Lucy bites her lip and looks down at her hands, and she's absently fiddling with her fingers as she speaks.

"It's been long enough that I can get my stitches wet, so I want to take arealshower, but I can't stand up the entire time because of my ankle. Um. Would you shower with me, to help me?"

Tim stares at her for a long moment, and she's opening her mouth to take it back when he speaks.

"Lucy, I will doanythingyou need. I just want to make sure that you'll be OK. I can stay dressed, if you need me to, or just sit outside the shower. Or I can even call Angela, she could help you."

Lucy shakes her head, and takes a deep breath before meeting Tim's eyes.

"I think I'll be fine," she finally decides. "I don't… I don't want to take abath.I don't knowwhenI'll be able to get in the bath again, but I know I'm not ready now, so a shower is my only option. And it'syou, Tim. I know you won't hurt me, and you'll stop if I need you to stop."

"All right, then," he finally says, and he realizes that this is going to be the first big test of their intimacy. It won't be sexual, he knows (and he hopes toGodthat his body will get the memo and that he won't embarrass himself or trigger her while they're in the shower), but it will be incrediblyintimate,and hewillhave to touch her naked body.

"Can we do it now?" Lucy asks, and her voice is quiet but sure. "I want to be clean."

"Yeah, we can do that," Tim agrees, and turns the TV off before standing up and holding out his hand. Lucy takes it and lets him pull her to her feet, wincing as her ankle touches the edge of the couch. She leans heavily on him and hobbles across the living room toward the bathroom, wincing with each step, and Tim rolls his eyes before leaning down and picking her up into his arms.

"You're going to have to stop doing that, or I'm never going to walk anywhere again," she cautions him, and he laughs, kissing her hair, but doesn't respond. It might be nice, she thinks, to always have Tim there for her.

He brings her into the bathroom and sets her gently on the closed toilet before reaching into the cabinet for towels. He sets three out — one for him, and two for her, because of her hair — and then turns back to Lucy, sucking in a breath when he sees that she's already started taking her clothes off. She's managed to take off the t-shirt she's wearing (andholy shit,she's not wearing a bra), and is working on her pants. She's whimpering in pain, though, and Tim knows that her ankle is bothering her.

"Let me help," he says, and he keeps his eyes glued to hers as he kneels down and hooks his fingers into the waistband of her sweatpants. He's asking for permission, she knows, and she nods, breathing shakily but keeping her eyes wide open to watch what he's doing.

Chris had undressed her, too, she thinks, and then shakes her head.

This is different. Tim is staring at her, love shining in his eyes, and his fingers are gentle as he works the leg of her sweatpants over the lump of her ankle boot. He folds them and sets them to the side, and then leans back on his heels as he looks up at Lucy. She's mostly naked in front of him, and she'sbeautiful, but that's not what this is about.

"Can I?" he asks, and brushes his thumb across the waistband of her panties. They're plain and simple, white cotton, but they're a nice contrast to her honey colored skin.

"Yes," Lucy whispers, and Tim helps her raise her hips up enough that he can tug them down her thighs and off of her body. He drops them on top of her folded sweatpants and then stands up.

"Lu, can I take my clothes off? Or do you want me to stay clothed while we shower?"

Lucy shakes her head, and clasps her hands together, settling them in her lap. It's strange how comfortable she feels in front of him. She's naked,completelynaked, in front of him, but she doesn't feel self conscious. She's nervous, a little, but not because he's seeing her naked. She's mostly nervous about how she's going to react when they get into the shower together.

She and Chris had been in the bath together,she remembers, and then tries to shove that thought away.

This is different.

Timis different.

"Clothes off," she finally says; Tim had been waiting, unwilling to begin stripping until she gave him verbal consent.

He tugs off his t-shirt and then his jeans, setting them to the side, and checks in with her one final time before taking his boxers off.

He's naked in front of her, and it's not sexual at all. Earlier he'd worried that he might be aroused in front of her, but he's not. Objectively she has a very nice body, and one day he knows that they'll be naked in front of each other for a very different reason and he knows that he won't have any issues then. But right now he's completely soft, and all he wants to do is to take care of Lucy.

He turns on the shower, and then helps her stand and hobble inside. He gets her settled under the spray, and as the warm water cascades across her skin, she sighs in satisfaction.

"I'm not scared," she whispers in wonder, and Tim makes an inquiring noise as he helps her wet the long, curly strands of her hair. She's using one of her hands to keep her balance, gripping Tim's shoulder and trying to keep the weight off of her ankle, and she knows that she never would have been able to do this alone.

"I'm glad you're not scared," Tim says, and then reaches for the shampoo. It'shisshampoo — hers is all the way in the living room, in the bag she's barely opened, and besides, hewantsher to smell like him. He wants to curl around her this evening in his bed, with her wearing his clothes and smelling like him.

"I'm not scared because it'syou,Tim. You're touching me, but not like he did."

"You're shaking a little, though," he points out cautiously, and Lucy shrugs as he lathers the shampoo into her hair. He makes sure to scratch his fingernails gently across her scalp, knowing it's been a while since she'd been able to properly shampoo, and works the suds through each and every strand of hair.

"Yeah, a little," she agrees, because she is. "I'm not scared, but my body is, if that makes sense? It… my body remembers Chris touching me, but I know in my head that you won't do anything bad. He was holding me so that I couldn't move, and he was… aroused, and he was touching me without asking. You're… your touch is different, and I know it in my head but my body hasn't gotten the memo yet. It'll stop."

Tim hums, and helps her tilt her head back so he can rinse her hair. She sighs as the water washes away the shampoo suds, and then lets her eyes flutter closed as Tim begins to scratch her scalp once again, carefully spreading conditioner throughout her hair.

"Just stop me if you don't like something I do."

"I will," Lucy promises, and she knows the next part is going to be the hardest. She can't bend to wash her legs and feet without losing her balance, and she knows Tim will have to do it for her.

As if reading her mind, he holds out the washrag to her, already coated with body wash that smells likehim,and she takes it, running it over her arms and shoulders and breasts and stomach. Tim takes it from her to wash her back, and then he pulls as far away as he can while still supporting her.

"Can you do the rest?" she asks, and Tim swallows hard but nods.

"Tell me what to do. I'll only do what you tell me to do."

Lucy lets both of her hands settle on his shoulders, balancing carefully to keep her weight off of her ankle, and nods.

"Um. Wash my left leg first," she says, and Tim does. It feels weird, giving him directions to wash her, but it's also nice. It's nice being in control, knowing exactly what he's going to do because she told him to do it. "Right leg," she instructs, when he's done, and then she tells him to wash her feet, one at a time, before asking him to stand up. He drops the soapy rag to the bottom of the shower (he'll grab it later), and then hands her a second one, wet with only water. He kisses her on the cheek, and then moves until he's standing behind her, still supporting her.

"This is for you to clean your …"

He trails off, and Lucy chuckles, taking it from him.

"Vagina, Tim. It's called a vagina."

She can feel the way Tim laughs, his chest rumbling against her back.

"Fine, boot. It's for your vagina. No soap, it's bad for the pH down there."

"Why do youknowthese things," she asks, and it helps, bantering with him. It feels normal, and sheneedsnormal while she's touching the same place that Chris had. She makes quick work of cleaning her privates, and then leans back into Tim, exhausted.

"Ready for bed?"

"Yeah, that took the rest of my energy. Nap time?"

Tim nods against her, and then reaches behind himself to turn the shower off. He steps out first, letting Lucy balance against the shower door, and quickly towels off before wrapping it around his waist. Then he grabs the towels for Lucy, handing her the one for her hair before pausing in front of her.

She smiles, and runs her fingers through his wet hair, humming and holding on.

"You can dry me, Tim," she says, and he does, making sure to keep eye contact with her the whole time. He dries her shoulders and her back, and then gently runs the towel across her breasts and stomach, her hips, legs, and feet, before standing back up and tossing it to the side.

"Pajamas?"

Lucy shakes her head. "Can I wear one of your t-shirts?"

Tim nods, and helps her sit down on the closed toilet again. He kisses her temple, and promises he'll be right back. He quickly pulls on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, and then grabs one for Lucy, as well as a pair of her panties.

He's back in the bathroom within minutes, and Lucy is still sitting there. She's quiet, and Tim is suddenly worried.

"Hey," he murmurs, and she looks up. "Are you OK?"

Lucy lets out a breath, and then nods. "Yeah. I'm tired, and a little emotionally exhausted. That was… hard, but not in a bad way? I'm proud of myself."

"I'm proud of you, too," Tim says, and helps her dress before holding his arms out. Lucy chuckles, and nods, and Tim picks her up, tucking her against his chest and walking her into his bedroom, settling her on what is fast becoming her side of the bed.

He likes that he gets to see this side of her. She wouldneverlet anyone else see her like this, he thinks, and he feels honored that he gets to be the one to help her, to bathe her, to hold her and carry her and sleep next to her.

"Goodnight, Lu," he says, and turns off the lights as she curls into his side.

"Night, Tim," she whispers, and he kisses the top of her head before closing his own eyes.

Neither of them have any nightmares that night.

Notes:

Next chapter is Tim's first therapy session! Send him hugs.

Chapter 24

Chapter Text

Tim is sitting in the waiting room, about to begin his first therapy session ever, and he ispetrified.

Lucy had offered to come with him, but he knew that she would've just been miserable. She would have had to sit in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs for over an hour, and her jaw and leg were hurting more than ever now that she was weaning herself off of her pain meds.

Instead, he'd called Angela and Nyla to come over and keep her company, because as much as helovesspending time with Lucy, he knows she needs more than just him. She needs her whole family to surround her, and that means Nyla, Angela, Jackson, and even Nolan. He can't be the center of her universe, he knows; healing requires a strong support system, and he can't handle everything alone.

"Tim Bradford?"

Tim looks up, his heart in his throat, to see an older woman standing in the doorway to the therapist's office. She's around his age, he thinks, or maybe a little older. She has smile lines around her eyes, and her face is kind. She reminds him of Lila, and he's hopeful that this will go better than he's been imagining.

She's Dr. Nevens, Tim thinks, and swallows as he stands up.

"Hey," he says, and Dr. Nevens smiles kindly at him.

"Hi, Tim. I'm Dr. Nevens, but you can call me Cora. Come on in."

Tim follows her into her office, and takes in the space as she closes the door behind him. It's a typical therapist's office, he thinks. There are two chairs facing each other in the middle of the room, as well as a couch under the window. It's lit with dim lights; the overheads are turned off, and the room is bathed in just the glow from the various lamps set up around the office. There are shelves of books, with titles likeForgiving What You Can't Forget, This is How You Heal,andAdult Survivors of Childhood Abuse, and a bookshelf in the corner filled with stuffed animals, toys, and various sensory regulation tools. Tim knows these are for the children she sees, but he finds himself wishing he had something to do with his hands.

He feelsanxiousin a way he's never felt before.

"Take a seat wherever you're comfortable," Cora says, and Tim chooses one of the chairs.

His eyes flicker toward the shelves of fidgets and play-doh, and Cora notices.

"Those aren't just for children," she remarks, and picks up two of the tools. She sets an unopened canister of play-doh and a spinning fidget toy on the table next to Tim. "Talking about trauma is hard. Sometimes having something to do with your hands helps."

Tom stares at the toys, and he'sso closeto saying that he doesn't need them, he'sfine.

But he'snotfine, and that's why he's here, isn't it?

He doesn't want to start this thing out on the wrong foot.

"OK," he says simply, and he reaches for the play-doh. He opens it and begins squishing the soft, cold material through his fingers. It helps, he thinks. His heart isn't beating as fast, and his hands aren't shaking now that he has something to do with them.

Cora takes the seat opposite Tim and turns to face him. She's smiling gently, and she seems … not threatening. He'd always imagined he'd feel threatened if he was sitting in front of a therapist.

"Let's begin with why you're here."

Tim takes a deep breath, and then starts talking.

"There are a lot of reasons. My girlfriend, Lucy, was kidnapped and assaulted about a week ago. Before that, she was kidnapped last year and buried alive. Different people, different cases. She actually died that time; I pulled her limp body out of a barrel that had been buried underground, and brought her back to life with CPR."

He pauses and takes a deep breath. He's not nearly done, and already Cora's pen is flying across her page.

"I'm having a lot of issues with that, because I want to treat her as my equal becauseshe is, but all I want to do is wrap her in bubble wrap and keep her safe. But evenbefore that, I've had a lot happen in my twelve years on the force. I've been injured in the line of duty five times, and the most recent was my closest brush with death. I lost my first wife to drug addiction, because I didn't notice the signs before she was too far gone. Before that, I was in the military. I did two tours in Afghanistan. Andbeforethat, as a child…"

He's never said it out loud, he doesn't think.

He's danced around it, sure, and said it in a roundabout way.

I had a father who would tune me up on the regular.

Do you want to reminisce about the place where dad put my head through the plaster?

Hell, evenLucy'ssaid it.

As children of abuse,is how she had referred to him and Genny.

Buthe'snever said it. Not even once.

"My father was physically and emotionally abusive to me."

He feels lightheaded after saying the words. It's not necessarily a bad feeling, and now that the dam has been broken, it's like he can't stop.

"Since I was five. It started out with a slap here or there, or him gripping my arm so hard it left bruises, but it escalated. He put my head through the wall once. Broke my arm. Left welts up and down my legs. I learned what his triggers were and tried to stay out of his way, but if I wasn't there he would turn on my mom, or my sister Genny, so I just sucked it up and dealt with it. Lucy says… she said that I needed to talk about it. She says it wasn't my fault."

"She sounds like a smart woman," Cora remarks, and Tim laughs, running a hand through his hair before returning his attention to the bright green play-doh in his hands.

"She is. And… her therapist at the hospital, Lila, she taught Lucy to say 'it wasn't my fault'about the assault that happened to her, and if I wantherto believe that about what Chris did to her, then… maybe I need to believe it about what happened to me."

Cora puts her own down and lifts her gaze to stare at Tim.

"You've already made more progress than you realize," she says, and Tim smiles briefly before averting his gaze again. "That's a lot to unpack. I'm glad Lila suggested weekly sessions for you, Tim. Today I'd like to simply ask, what do you hope to get from therapy? What are your end goals? Then we can start with those goals in mind."

Tim thinks for a long time.

Cora doesn't prompt him, or try to break the silence in any way. She waits patiently, and Tim can tell from the clock on the wall that he's silent for nearly ten minutes.

When he finally speaks, it's all he can do to hold back the tears.

"I want to be a better person," he whispers, and then continues before Cora can speak. "For myself. For Lucy. For whatever children we have in the future. I want to be a better, more empathetic cop. I … I want to be a better boyfriend and husband to Lucy than my dad was to my mom, or than I was to my first wife. I want to be better to my children than my father was to me and Genny. I want to be better for the people in our community who need help and support. I want to trulybelievethat what happened to me as a child wasn't my fault. I want to believe that what I did in Afghanistan didn't change who I am, that it doesn't make me a bad person. I want to believe that I'mgood."

When he finishes, he realizes his cheeks are wet. He's been crying the entire time, the tears dripping into his lap and soaking the play-doh. He squeezes the play-doh as hard as he can, and the feeling of it squishing through his fingers is calming. He rolls it into a ball, and does it again. And again.

Cora doesn't speak for several moments, and when she does, her voice is soft. Tim glances up and sees that her eyes are moist, too, though she isn't sobbing the way he is.

"Tim, I wholeheartedly believe that you'realreadya good person. But I wantyouto believe it, too."

"OK," Tim whispers, because that's what he wants, too. He wants to be the person Lucy thinks he is.

"Let's start with a hard question, and if you can't answer it today, that's fine. You can think about it, and come to our next session with your thoughts. Tim, whydon'tyou believe that you're good?"

It's a loaded question, and Tim is immediately bombarded with memories.

Because my dad used to call me stupid, and useless, and I would get so angry I wanted to kill him.

Good people didn't want to kill their fathers, did they?

Because I've killed people. A lot of people. In war and on the streets.

Good people weren't murderers.

Because I didn't see what was happening with Isabel until it was too late.

A good husband would have noticed.

Because I encouraged Lucy to go out with Caleb.

A good friend would have noticed that he had been… off. That he'd been evil and had wanted to harm her.

Because she was kidnapped by Chris right from under my nose and I couldn't save her in time.

Because I've said and done things as a police officer that I regret.

Because I've hurt so many people because of my anger and my rigid personality.

Because I'm weak, because I'm crying right now when Lucy's been through so much worse, because I didn't see my father before he died, because I can't support my sister in her pain because I can't get past what happened to me because -

He's having trouble breathing, he thinks, and it takes him a long time to realize that Cora is on the floor in front of him, holding his hand and coaching him to breathe in deeply, hold it, and let it out.

He's trying, but it's hard. It's hard to breathe past the lump in his throat. It's hard to listen past the ringing in his ears, and it's hard to see Cora past the tears in his eyes.

"Who can I call?" she's asking, and he realizes that she's not going to let him drive home like this.

"Angela," he gasps, because Lucy can't drive. He wantsLucy,though… "and Lucy."

"OK," Cora says, and she puts the play-doh back in his hands and gives him a glass of water. She doesn't leave him until he's more calm, and he feelsdrained,like he's been run over by a bus. He feels raw and empty and untethered. He feels like he could fly away at any moment, and he needs Lucy to ground him.

He realizes that he probablyshouldn'tneed her, that it's not healthy, but right now he doesn't give a shit.

"Lucy," he says again, and Cora stands up, walking to her desk to dig through his file. Lucy is his emergency contact, he knows. She'll be here soon.

He closes his eyes and leans back, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth.

Lucy will be here soon.

Chapter 25

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

Tim doesn't know how much time passes after Cora makes the phone call, but suddenly Lucy is there, and he can breathe again.

Angela helps Lucy sit down on the couch, and Tim goes to her immediately. He notices that Kojo is there, too, and he feels the pressure in his chest lighten as Lucy takes him into her arms and Kojo jumps onto the couch, setting his head in Tim's lap and whining softly.

"Hey," Lucy whispers, and she pulls him to her chest. He settles his head right over her breastbone and closes his eyes, breathing in her scent (which is thoroughly mixed with his own, and it smells likehome). He can hear Angela and Cora talking in the background, but he doesn't even care. He'd put Angela on his medical release form a long time ago; she has his permission to talk to his doctors about anything.

"Hi," he croaks, and Lucy begins running her hands through his hair.

He wants to apologize for being weak, for needing her, but as soon as he opens his mouth to do so Lucy begins speaking.

"I'm so proud of you," she says, and Tim wants to askwhat for, but she continues before he can. "I'm so proud of you for trying therapy. I'm so proud of you for opening up, and letting yourself be vulnerable. Tim, there's a lot of pain inside of you, and it's been building for years and years andyears, and it's going to hurt coming out. Please don't give up."

He shakes his head; he won't give up. Heknowshe won't, becauseyes, he's doing this for himself, but he's also doing it forher. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that she's his entire future. He's going to marry her and they're going to have a few feisty, stubborn,wonderfulchildren together, and he's going to grow old with her. He wants to be a man whodeservesher, and he'll doanythingto make sure that the future he envisions will come true.

"I won't," he says, and he shuffles them around on the couch until she's more comfortable. She's half inhislap now, Kojo happily taking up the other half, and they're a pile of pain, misery and fur, but Tim knows it's going to get better.

"We actually made a lot of progress today," Cora says, and Tim looks up to see her taking a seat in her chair again. Angela is leaning against the wall, a small smile on her face, and Tim doesn't even mind that this has apparently turned into an entire family session. Lucy and Kojo and Angela are his family, and they already know the worst parts of him and love him anyway.

"Yeah," Tim says, and he already feels a little better. He feels like he might actually be able to have this conversation with Cora if he's not alone. "Sorry for breaking down like that."

Cora shakes her head, smiling softly.

"No need to apologize. That was actually a very important moment, because yourealizedsomething, Tim. You didn't say it out loud, but you realized something and that's a breakthrough that not many people have this early in therapy. Whatever thoughts led you into that spiral,thoseare the thoughts we need to focus on,that'sthe narrative we need to change. I know that our time today is almost up, but I don't think we would try even if we did have the time. I think you should go home and write it all down, and begin thinking aboutwhyyou think those things are true. But today, before you leave, I'd like you to shareoneof those thoughts."

Tim nods, and then pauses. The thoughts had all come at him in a rush earlier, and he hadn't been able to separate many of them before he'd begun panicking, but…

"I don't think I'm a good person because I've done so many bad things," he lands on, and he can feel Lucy's body tense in his arms. He runs his fingers through her hair, to ground himandto comfort her. He continues, and it's easier now, with Lucy here and the weight of Kojo against him. He'd known that the dog would be good for Lucy, but he's beginning to realize how muchheneeds Kojo, too. His weight is comforting, and the little sniffling snorts he makes as he breathes are just enough to distract Tim, to keep him from spiraling again.

"What bad things have you done, Tim?" Cora asks softly, and Tim shrugs.

"I've killed people," he whispers, because that's a big one. "In the military. As a cop."

"Death is a part of war. Do you believe that every cop who has killed someone is bad, or that every soldier that has fought in every war is evil?"

He doesn't know how to tell Cora that it'sdifferent, because it'shim. It's not that every other cop and soldier is bad, it's thathe'sbad, but he can't explain the distinction.

"I don't know," he finally lands on.

Cora hums, and writes something down on her notepad before looking up.

"Tim, I have a homework assignment for you. Well, two homework assignments. I'd like you to work on these things before you return next week."

"OK," Tim says, and he finds himself smiling a little. He hasn't had homework inyears.

"First, I want you to journal your thoughts about the question I asked earlier, the one that caused you to spiral. 'Why don't you believe that you're a good person?' Secondly, I want you to come up with an answer to the question I just asked. I asked if you thought every cop who had killed someone is bad, and you couldn't answer me. If you don't believe thateveryonewho has killed someone in the line of duty is bad, then why do you thinkyou'rebad? That's where we'll start next week."

"All right," Tim says, and he knows that their session is over but he's having trouble making himself move from the couch.

"I schedule buffer time between patients," Cora explains, seeing his reluctance. "I don't have my next appointment for twenty minutes. I'll leave the room, and you can spend some time with your family before you go, Tim."

"Thank you," he says sincerely, and then closes his eyes, taking a deep breath in before opening them to look at Angela and Lucy.

"I can come with you next week," Lucy says, and Tim nods this time. He knows he's going to need her, and maybe even Kojo, for a while.

"Thank you," he says, and he wiggles until she's off his lap and he can stand up, but he doesn't get very far.

Angela pushes off of the wall and stalks up to him, right into his personal bubble, and wraps her arms around him. Lucy does the same, stumbling for a moment as she tries to stand with only one good foot, and Kojo whines from his feet.

"Guys," he whispers, and he wants to push them away, to maintain some of the composure he'd managed to find after his breakdown, but he can't. He's putty in their arms and he can feel a fresh wave of tears beginning.

"Youarea good person, Timothy Bradford," Angela says, and she squeezes him tighter to emphasize her point.

"Youare," Lucy stresses, and she reaches up to gently kiss him on the lips. "I remember when I was a rookie and I asked if there would ever be a circumstance where we gave someone up to save ourselves, and you said 'I am unwilling to let fear make me do something that I will be ashamed of in the light of day'. Tim, it's the light of day right now, and I am staring at agood man. You. Are.Good."

Tim lets his head drop to her shoulder, and he holds tightly to two of the most important people in his life as he cries.

Less than an hour later, Angela and Lucy have managed to take Tim home, deposit him on the couch, and order pizza. Angela helps Lucy change into more comfortable clothing, and then they join him, one on each side, Kojo on his feet, and Nyla sitting in the corner already munching on popcorn.

Tim feelsveryloved, surrounded by his friends and Lucy.

"Thank you," he finally says, and it's the first time he's spoken up since they hugged him in Cora's office.

"No thanks necessary, Bradford," Angela says, and lays her head on his shoulder as she flicks through the channels on his TV. She knows he likes sports, and while she understands maybehalfof the rules of football, she settles on a game because it'll be familiar to Tim. "We're proud of you for doing this."

Tim scoffs; going to therapy isn't anything to be proud of.

"Tim," Lucy says, and turns so she's facing him. She's practically in his lap, her knees bracketing his hips, and Angela raises an eyebrow at them as Lucy cups Tim's face in both of her hands. "We areproud. Therapy is hard. Confronting everything you've gone through is hard. This isn't… it isn't whatever bullshit you've been taught. It isn'tweak.Cryingisn't weak. Being vulnerable isn't weak. Men are allowed to cry. Men are allowed to have feelings, and anyone who has told you anything different is an asshole and deserves to rot in hell."

His father.

Lucy continues. "We — me, Angela, and Nyla… hell, every woman on the force — we talk a lot about how hard it is to be female. How we're unfairly judged, how we have to prove ourselves, and it's alltrue, and itsucks. But no one ever talks about how hard it is for men. You're expected to hide your feelings, pretend that things don'thurt, but you have aheart, Tim. You have been hiding your pain since you were a little boy, and you don'thave tonow."

"I know," Tim whispers, and he leans forward, pressing his lips to Lucy's. Both of his hands come up to settle on her hips, to pull her closer to him, and he sighs at the closeness. She lets him kiss her for several seconds, and then pulls away, grinning.

"Iknowyou know, but I'm going to remind you whenever I feel like you need to be reminded. And, Tim, I wish more thananythingthat I could go back in time and kick your dad's ass. Sometimes I just imagine baby Tim hiding, scared of his own father, and I want tohurthim."

Tim shakes his head, still smiling a little. He doesn't like to think about his past, but he's been doing it more and more lately, because he's been thinking about hisfuture. He's always wanted kids, and…

"I willnevermake our children feel the way my father made me feel," he whispers, and he can feel Lucy's body tense under his hands.

He immediately realizes what he's said, and looks up, just a tiny bit scared of Lucy's reaction; she's grinning at him, wide and unchecked, and Tim breathes a sigh of relief, glad that he hasn't shot himself in the foot.

"Ourchildren?" she asks coyly, and Tim shrugs under her. His hands are still on her hips, and she's still leaning into his body, pressed against him from pelvis to chest.

"I told you that this was it for me. I'm going to marry you one day, Lucy Chen. And we're going to have little Chenford babies and we're going to behappy,damn it."

Lucy is leaning forward to kiss him again when Angela makes a gagging noise from next to her, and she blushes deeply when she remembers that they're not alone.

She buries her head in Tim's neck and tries to ignore her friends.

"You two aresickeninglyin love. I hate you," Nyla says, shoving another hand of popcorn in her mouth, and Lucy grins.

"Yeah, we are," she sighs happily, turning her head so she can rest more comfortably on top of Tim. She should move, she knows; she should take her seat beside Tim, but she doesn't want to move. She's straddling his lap, her whole body pressed to his and her arms wrapped around his torso, resting her uninjured cheek on his shoulder, and she doesn't think she's ever been more comfortable in her entire life.

She knows that they'll have to get up in a few moments when the pizza arrives, and that this moment can't last forever, but for now, she's completely and utterly content exactly where she is.

She kisses Tim on the neck, and lays her head back down.

Notes:

I was rereading this the other day and on like chapter 13 I said there would be 4-5 more chapters.

I AM A LIAR.

I'm going to go ahead and just admit I have no idea how much longer this story will be. :) Sorry about that!

Chapter 26

Chapter Text

The day that Tim is scheduled to go back to work (just eleven days after Lucy is released from the hospital) he wakes up at five in the morning with Lucy curled into his side and anxiety crushing his chest.

He doesn't want to leave her.

Last time he left her, he almostlosther.

He knows his fear is illogical, of course. And he knows that it's actuallyhealthyandgoodfor him to leave her. It's good for her to be independent again, but mostly it's good forhim toleave and see that she'll be fine without him.

She's going to spend the day on the couch with snacks, water, and her crutches within easy reach. She'd told him last night that she was about seven episodes behind on her show, and she had no plans other than curling up in the throw blankets he kept in the living room and watching mindless TV.

Still, he'snervous.

"Tim," Lucy says, and he groans as he opens his eyes and turns to look at her. She's propping her chin up on his chest, and her hair is sleep-tousled. She's smiling softly, sleepily, and he loves seeing her first thing in the morning. He loves seeing her before she puts her make-up on for the day, before she brushes her hair and puts on her face for the world.

Mostly, though, he just lovesher.

"Hey," he murmurs, and reaches a hand up to tangle his fingers in her hair. It grounds him, calms him, to be touching her like this. To let his palm cup the back of her head, to pull her closer to him.

They're warm and sleep-lazy under the covers. Tim is wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, and Lucy is wearing his t-shirt from last night and a pair of panties. Their skin is dry and warm and Lucy doesn't seem to realize that she's rearranging his entire world with every touch of her skin against his.

"I'll be fine," she whispers, and then presses a kiss to his chest. Tim sighs, and tangles their legs together under the quilt, rubbing his foot up and down her uninjured leg.

"I know."

Lucy hums and continues kissing a path across his chest, eventually letting her lips travel up his neck and across his jaw.

Tim is just about to roll over and demand arealkiss when she obliges him, fitting her lips over his and kissing him softly, sweetly. Tim doesn't try to deepen it — everything right now is at her pace — but he does revel in it. He enjoys the sweet taste of her, the way she darts her tongue out to lick her lips (and his, in the process). He enjoys the way her breasts press against his chest through the fabric of his shirt, and the way her hips slide over his as she moves more fully on top of him.

"I know you're worried," she says, pulling back, and Tim stares up at her in wonder, eyes raking across what he can see of her body. She's sitting on top of him, her pelvis flush against his, and there's only the material of his boxers and her panties between them. He's not necessarily aroused, yet, but he knows she can feel him, still mostly soft, between her legs where she's pressing them together, but she doesn't seem to mind. She wiggles her hips and Tim has to reach out and put his hands on her waist, stilling her movements. He closes his eyes and hisses through his teeth, trembling as he tries to control himself.

Lucy just grins and wiggles her hips again and Tim groans.

"Lu, you gotta stop," he says, but she shakes her head.

"I have something for you, if you make it through today without coming home to check on me."

Tim raises an eyebrow, holding her waist tightly so that she can't continue her delicious torture.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes," Lucy says, and wiggles off of his lap, reaching into the bedside table and pulling out a small box. It's not one Tim has seen before, and he raises an eyebrow, wondering when (and also where) she had gotten it (Probably Angela, if he had to guess. She'd been over almost every day, and she and Lucy had been thick as thieves). It's about the size of a shoe box in length, but much more shallow, with a red bow holding it together.

Lucy holds the box out to Tim, and then carefully folds her legs under her while she watches him open it. He holds it in his hands as he sits up, joining her, and then glances up to meet her eyes before pulling on the tie.

Once the top is off and laying on the bed beside them, Tim gasps, his stomach tightening and his eyes fluttering closed as he sees what's inside.

"Lu…" he whispers, and she inches forward, careful (always so careful) of her injured ankle. She moves until she's practically sitting in his lap, and then reaches up, cupping his face with both of her hands and forcing him to meet her eyes. She's blushing a little bit, but smiling, and Tim can't see an ounce of hesitation in her face.

"I've been talking to Cora in our sessions about this, and I want to try, Tim. I want to be with you ineveryway. I want us to kiss and hold each other, and shower and sleep together, andyes, I want to try having sex with you, Tim. It may not be perfect the first time. We may have to stop. But I want totry."

Tim stares at the matching emerald green lingerie set and swallows. His mouth is suddenly dry, and he's trying to imagine what she'll look like wrapped up in the soft, silky fabric.

"What does this have to do with work again?" he asks, and Lucy chuckles, reaching into the box to lift out the panties. They hang off of her pinky finger, and Tim feels himself growing hard as he takes in the skimpy, lacy fabric. There's… not a lot of it, he had to admit, but he isdyingto see her in them.

He wants to see her soft curls sticking out through the lace.

He wants to see the way the fabric clings to her ass.

He wants to see the way the emerald green color between her legs darkens as she grows wet.

"If you make it through the day without coming home to check on me, I'll wear these for you tonight."

Tim bites his lip to hold back a groan. "Can I text?" he asks, knowing that there's absolutely no way he'll make it if he can't contact her insomeway.

Lucy nods, and drops the panties to the bed, reaching into the box to lift out the bra. It's the same material, same color, same soft, silky fabric, and Tim can't help reaching out to run his fingers over one of the cups.

He wants to see the way her nipples strain against the fabric.

"It's not just for me, though, right?" he asks, suddenly needing to know. Lucy looks at him in confusion, so he clarifies, "You don't have to do this for me. I can wait as long as you need, Lu, if this isn't something you're ready for."

Lucy smiles and kisses him on the cheek, and when she pulls back and meets his eyes, she looks sosure.

"It's for me, too, Tim, and I think I'm ready. Iwantthis. I can't promise I won't get scared or need to pause or even stop in the middle, but I want totry. I want to have that with you. Irefuseto let Chris take that away from us. Sex is something special to me. I've never been good at one night stands because I don't like to have sex without thatconnection,and Tim, you and I have the greatest connect I've ever felt. I have never been in love with someone else the way I'm in love with you. I have never wanted to be this close to someone, to share my life with someone like I want to with you. I wanteverything, because I know we're going to be great.Sexbetween us is going to be great. And Cora and I have talked a lot about this, and I think I'm ready. And, if I'mnot, then we just stop and try again some other time."

"OK," Tim says, because he will do anything she wants. He would wait ten years for her, if that's what she wanted, or he would make love to her right now if she asked. "I love you, Lu."

"I love you, too, Tim," she responds, and then leans her head on his shoulder, running her hands up and down the warm expanse of his back. "Now, you need to go get ready for work. I'm going to put on some pants and make my way to the couch."

Tim responds by kissing her on the cheek, and then, gently, on the lips. He pulls back and presses their foreheads together, stares into her eyes and tries to convey everything he's feeling for her. He knows it's impossible — there simply aren't enough words in the English language — but he tries his best.

Lucy pecks him on the lips once more before reaching for her crutches. Tim carefully refolds the lingerie and puts it back in the box before setting it on his nightstand, and then stands up, running a hand through his hair as he heads for the bathroom.

This is going to be afuckinglong day.

When Tim first enters the station, he feels like his heart is going to beat straight out of his chest. His palms are sweating and he feels like everyone who looks at him can see the anxiety rolling off of him in waves.

Possibly also the anger.

He still hasn't really forgiven everyone in the station forletting Chris walk in and kidnap Lucy from under their noses.

With a sigh, he pushes open the door to Grey's office, and steps inside.

"Good morning, Officer Bradford," Sergeant Grey greets, and Tim manages a small smile.

"Good morning, sir."

"It's good to have you back. How are you doing? And how is Lucy?"

Tim takes a seat when Grey motions toward the empty chairs in front of his desk, and places his hands on his knees, eyes flickering around the room. He can see other officers watching him through the glass. He can see them talking to each other, probably about how he'd lost hisever loving shitthe last time he'd been here, and he does his best to ignore them.

"I'm doing fine," he says, and then sighs when Grey gives him alook. "I'm in therapy, actually, and it's helping. I'm not better yet, but I'm better than I was yesterday. And Lucy is the same. She's been seeing Cora — our therapist — twice a week, and I've already noticed a great improvement in her. She still has bad days, we both do, but we're healing. Slowly but surely."

"I'm glad to hear that," Grey says, and he sounds sincere. Tim smiles at him and nods his head in thanks, and then leans back in his chair.

"Sir, with your permission, I'd like to address the other officers during Roll Call."

Sergeant Grey raises an eyebrow. "As long as you're not planning on yelling at them again."

Tim chuckles but shakes his head. "No. No yelling. I find it'smuchscarier to speak quietly, anyway."

"All right then, you can have a few minutes after we assign the open cases."

"Good," Tim says, and then sighs, accepting the inevitable. "And Lucy said someone has to tape this because she wants to see it."

After Tim gives a short and succinct apology to the station for losing his mind and possibly being abitof an asshole when Lucy had been taken, he shifts into TO mode and sends a stern glare out over the sea of officers in front of him.

He briefly sees Angela in the back, grinning like the cat who got the canary and holding her cell phone up. Tim knows she's recording this and will be sending it to Lucy the second he's done, but he can't even be mad at her.

"Today I want to talk to you about something calledsituational awareness."

Every cop in the room begins to squirm, and Tim takes a certain delight in their discomfort.

He stares at them each in turn, his hard gaze meeting theirs, and he can see Angela chuckling out of the corner of his eye. She'd known that he'd planned this little lecture, and had been on board with him putting the fear ofGodinto their fellow officers.

"I do not care that Chris Sanford worked in this building. I do not care that you saw him almost every day. I do notgive a shitabout any of that, because those areexcuses. He walked Lucy out of here, with a gun in his pocket, andno one noticed. So, the enemy of my enemy has become my friend, and IA has agreed to work with me on this. You willallbe subjected to the mother of all Tim Tests this week. It will be ongoing, and I hope it will teach you to be more aware of your surroundings. Starting today, there will be several 'intruders' in the building. They will be here to wreak havoc, to cause chaos, to 'kidnap' or 'harm' others. It is your job to be aware enough of your surroundings that you can pick them out and stop them."

Tim pauses, and lets his gaze flicker over each and every cop in the room, again, gauging their reactions.

"If you fail this test, you will be doing Saturday night cavity searches for amonth."

There's a wave of groans throughout the room; Tim simply grins, crossing his arms over his chest as he surveys the room once more.

"That's all. Good luck!"

This, he thinks, is going to be educationalandfun.

(For him, anyway).

Chapter 27

Chapter Text

To say that the rest of Tim's shiftdrags byis an understatement, and by the time the clock hits six in the evening, he's ready to crawl out of his skin.

The text message Lucy had sent him an hour ago hadn't done anything to help, and he can't stoplooking at it.

She's splayed out on his bed, and he can't see her whole body, but hecansee the edge of the emerald green panties in the corner of the picture. She's wearing one of his t-shirts, and grinning, and Timwants.

Almost there! So proud of you, Tim. Your present will be waiting when you get home.Xoxo ~Lu

Present, indeed, he thinks, and he imagines unwrapping her when he gets home. He imagines peeling his t-shirt off of her body and taking in the way the emerald looks in contrast to her honey colored skin. He imagines cupping her full breasts through the sheer material of the bra, licking and biting her nipple through the cup, and then dragging the panties off with histeeth—

"Sergeant Bradford," he hears, and he snaps to attention, eyes scanning the bullpen for the owner of the voice that had torn him from such pleasant thoughts.

It's Nolan, of course, becausewho elsewould it be?

"What?" he says, testily, and Nolan grins.

God, he'ssucha puppy. Tim can see why he and Lucy got on so well. She was sunshine personified and he was anactualgolden retriever puppy.

"I thwarted one of your IA test guys," Nolan says, and Tim smirks up at him, leaning back in his chair and playing with the pen he had been (attempting) to do paperwork with.

"Which one?" he asks, because he's honestly curious. The random intruder tests had been what had kept him going throughout the day, and he'd been honestly surprised by how many of them had been caught.

Maybe everyone in the station wasn'tcompletelyhopeless, after all.

"They were trying to 'poison' the coffee pot."

Tim laughs and nods; that one had been his idea, actually.

"Good thing you got him, too. He was going to put a shit ton ofsaltin it. It would have been ruinous."

Nolan laughs and nods, and Tim is about to ask him how he'd caught the guy when he nods toward the clock.

"Hey, it's time to go. Lucy has been messaging me and told me that, and I quote, 'I'd better make sure Tim left the station at six o'clock sharp, or else she would make me do all of the paperwork for a month when she got back'."

Tim lets his eyes flicker to the clock, and then makes sure he stands up slowly, stretching, to try and hide the way he's practicallyvibratingto get into the locker room to shower, change, andleave.

"Then I guess I'd better get going," he says, and hands Nolan the rest of the paperwork he hadn't been able to finish. Nolan rolls his eyes but takes it goodheartedly, and Tim slaps him on the shoulder as he walks past. The man might be relentlessly positive and also able to get himself into some truly astounding trouble, but he's a good man. "See you tomorrow," Tim adds, and then heads toward the locker room.

What follows is the fastest shower of Tim's entire life.

He dresses before drying off properly, and he knows his t-shirt is sticking to his skin in weird ways, but he justdoesn't care. If he has any say in it, he won't be wearing the damn thing for much longer, anyway.

Now all he has to do is drive home without crashing the truck.

Lucy is laying on the bed, dressed in Tim's t-shirt and the matching, emerald lingerie set, and nothing else. She'd been watching TV up until she heard Tim's key in the lock, but had quickly turned it off and settled herself more comfortably on the bed.

She's shockingly not nervous, though she doesn't hold out much hope that it'll last.

She's been thinking about it all day. About how Tim will come home to find her in his bed, in his t-shirt and wearing the present she'd gotten him, and all she had felt wasexcited. She wants this with him. She wants to be with him in every way, and were it not for Chris and what he'd done, she knew that they would have taken this step a long time ago.

"Lu?" Tim calls out, and Lucy turns her head to the side, hiding her grin in his pillow.

"In here," she says, and she looks up just in time to see Tim entering the bedroom. He pauses in the doorway, his eyes raking over her body, and whatever she had thought she'd feel when he looked at her likethatwas wrong. She just feels loved and cherished, andwanted.

"Hey," she whispers, and Tim is moving toward the bed without taking his eyes off of her. He leans one knee on the comforter and shuffles closer, reaching a hand out and entwining their fingers. He pulls Lucy into a sitting position, and he has to swallow hard when he sees the way the emerald green panties fit her like a glove. They hug her every curve, the waistband sitting just below her hips, and Tim wants to reach out andtouch.

But, more than anything, he wants to make sure she's still OK with this.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, and leans forward to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

"I'm feeling good," she says honestly, and reaches out to play with the hem of his shirt. She wants to take it off of him. She wants to push him down on the bed and have her way with him, but she also wants to make sure that he knows she's serious. "I'm nothing except excited. I've been waiting all day for this," she says, and she leans up on her knees to kiss him. She presses her chest to his and straddles his lap, swinging one foot and then the other over his lap, settling on his thighs.

Tim's hands come up to hold onto her hips automatically, and she sighs at the touch as he coaxes her lips open with his.

They kiss softly, lazily, for several moments, and when Lucy pulls back her cheeks are flushed and her heart is racing, but she still feelsfine.

"What should I do? Or not do?" Tim asks, and Lucy pauses to think, because she knows this is important to him. She doesn't want to have to ask him to stop unless she absolutelyhasto, because as much as she's tried to reassure him that the way she reacts isnot his fault, he's had trouble accepting her at her word.

"Let me be on top, and in control," she finally decides, andyes, that will work nicely. She can be in control of everything. She can pause or stop if she needs to, and she knows that it'll be just as good for him either way.

"Is there anywhere I shouldn't touch? Or that I should ask before touching?" Tim murmurs, and as he's speaking he's running his hands up and down her arms. He knows that her arms are a safe place to touch. She likes it when he rubs warmth into them on cold mornings, and it works just as well now to relax her.

"Um," she pauses and bites her lip as Tim rearranges them on the bed. He moves to where his legs are stretched out in front of him and his back is resting against the headboard. Lucy is still in his lap, her thighs bracketing his and her butt pressed into his knees. He wants her closer, wants to pull her pelvis flush to his, but knows he needs to move slowly. "Just… ask me, or let me know before you touch my vagina," she says, because she can still remember the way Chris had forced a finger into her. Sheknowsthat Tim would never touch her so roughly, or without her consent, but she's worried it might be a trigger for her.

"OK," Tim says, and then he reaches for his own t-shirt. He gives her a questioning look and she nods, reaching for the t-shirt she's wearing as well. Tim tosses his off of the bed and then stops her, putting his hand over hers. "Let me?" he asks, voice low and deep, and she nods, dropping her hands to his thighs instead.

It's unlike any sex she's ever had before. Normally the first time with a boyfriend is rushed, a blur of kisses and touching and a race to the finish line.

But this isdifferent. It's slow, and careful, and Tim checks in with her every time he touches her, or removes a piece of his own clothing. He kisses her for what seems like hours before he slowly peels the t-shirt off of her body, and her chest flushes all the way down to her breasts when he finally tosses it to the side.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers, and then (after checking to make sure she's OK), he lowers his mouth to her chest, kissing the tops of her breasts before flicking his tongue beneath the cup. It doesn't quite reach where Lucy wants him, but she curls her hands into his head anyway, holding his mouth to her chest as she lets out a long, loud moan.

Tim grins against her skin, and then pulls back to admire the way the emerald looks on her honey colored skin before returning his attention to her nipples, biting and sucking them through the sheer fabric of the bra. Lucy moans and presses down on his lap, and he can feel himself hardening under her.

"Lu," he whispers, and he pulls back to capture her lips again. He reaches for the button on his pants and slides them off, repositioning Lucy so he can tug them off of his feet and toss them to the ground. Lucy reaches for his boxers and tugs them down, too, throwing them to join his jeans on the floor before she settles herself back in his lap.

"I'm feeling a little overdressed," she whispers, and Tim chuckles, putting his hands on her hips and pulling her all the way up and into his lap. She settles right on top of his cock, and the pressure issweet.He's fully hard at this point, and he can feel the warmth of Lucy's pussy over his groin. He wants to see the wet fabric between her thighs andtasteher, but he knows that right now probably isn't the time. There will be plenty of opportunities later, but right now, he wants to show her that they can be together, they can have sex, without it being like whatChrishad done.

She's in charge here. She can make the decisions, and do what feels good forher.

"I can help with that," he finally says, and reaches behind her to pop the clasp of her bra. Lucy quickly shrugs it off and nods to let Tim know he can touch her before he even asks.

"Please," she begs, and he obliges, leaning forward and taking one of her nipples into his wet, warm mouth. He sucks on it gently, running his tongue over the hard skin, and then switches to the other, giving it equal attention. Lucy is grunting and rolling her hips into his every time he sucks particularly hard, and Tim's more than ready but he needs to make sure she is, too.

"Can I touch you, Lu?" he asks, and he runs his finger across the waistband of her panties, dipping it below briefly to caress the soft curls of her womanhood.

"Yes," she says, and she leans back to give him better access.

Thisis the part she had been nervous about, because it's where Chris had touched her most intimately, and she's worried that when Tim touches her it'll remind her of that moment.

But itdoesn't.

This time, she'saroused,because she loves Tim andwantsto be doing this with him. She's aroused and wet when he brushes a finger over her, and she shivers at the feeling. Tim kisses her shoulder, her neck, her cheek, and then captures her lips again, kissing her softly, deeply, as he presses a finger inside of her.

It's nothing like it had felt when Chris had done it; this time, Lucy moans and rocks forward on his thick finger, loving the way he feels inside of her. He slips his middle finger inside of her easily, caressing her inner walls, and it feelsgood.

"Tim," she gasps, and his hand stills. He meets her eyes, questioning, and Lucy shakes her head, cupping his face in both of her hands and pulling him forward to kiss her. "Not like that. Not like that at all. You feel so good, Tim. I want more."

"OK," Tim says, and Lucy reaches down to push at her own panties. Tim has to help her, because they get caught on her ankle boot, and they're both laughing by the time Tim sits back against the headboard, Lucy on his thighs. He kisses her, and then takes both of her hands in his, entwining their fingers and squeezing tightly. "This is all you, Lu. Tell me what you want me to do."

"I love you," she whispers, and Tim grins. He wants to kiss her again, so he does, and Lucy revels in it for several minutes, loving the feel of his lips on hers, the taste of his mouth. "Tim. Two fingers please," she asks, and Tim obliges, brushing his fingers through the curls of her pubic hair before pressing them inside of her. She moans and her thighs tremble around him, but it'sgood.

She's so relieved that it's good, becauseTimis good, and she had wanted this with him so much. She's so happy she can have it, and she suddenly wantseverything.

"Tim. I want you inside of me," she says, and Tim nods, pulling his fingers away and settling his hands on her hips. He uses one hand to grab his cock and position it at her entrance, but before he pushes inside he looks up, checking in justonce morebefore taking that final step.

"You're sure?" he asks, and Lucy nods frantically, hitching her hips to try and get closer to him. Tim smiles, but then says seriously, "I will stopat any point, Lucy. It doesn't matter how close I am, or how into it I am. If you say stop, I will stop. Iswear."

"I know you will," Lucy says, and then takes over for Tim because he's too damn slow. She wraps her smaller hand around his over his cock and presses him inside, lowering herself onto him inch by glorious inch until he's all the way inside, big and thick and stretching her perfectly. "And that's why I won't need to stop, Tim. Because youwouldstop, no matter what, if I asked."

"I would," he confirms, and kisses her cheek as he waits for her to begin moving.

She does, and it takes his breath away.

She moves above him easily, rising and falling on his cock over and over and over again. He touches her the entire time, his hands running up and down her sides, cupping and squeezing her breasts, kissing her neck and her lips and every inch of skin he can reach.

She comes right before he does, shaking and trembling in his lap, and he follows her over the edge in seconds, emptying himself inside of her with a groan.

Lucy collapses into his lap with him still inside of her, and curls against his chest, breathing heavily. Tim runs his fingers through her hair gently, the other hand rubbing soothing circles on her back, and he wants to check in with her to make sure she's OK, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment.

He makes it about ten seconds.

"How do you feel, Lu?" he asks, and she kisses his chest, sighing happily as she melts even further into him.

"I feel perfect."

"Love you," he whispers, and then rearranges them so that he can hold her in his arms. He lays on his side and then helps her curl up against him before pulling the blanket over them.

He knows that Kojo needs to go out, and they should probably eat dinner at some point, but all he wants to do right now is hold Lucy.

So he does.

Chapter 28

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

(Four weeks and 6 days after Lucy is released from the hospital)

Having sex with Tim unleashes something inside Lucy that she hadn't previously knownexisted.

For the next several weeks she isinsatiable.Tim loves every second of it, and after a while they both forget to be careful. They forget to be cautious, to not do anything that might trigger Lucy in the middle of sex.

It's no one'sfaultwhen it happens.

There's no obvious trigger, no apparent reason that one second Tim is bringing her to the edge again and again and again with his lips and teeth and tongue (but never letting her orgasm) and the next second she can't breathe and she's trying to scramble away from him.

A callous on his thumb, maybe, that reminds her of the feel of Chris's dry, rough fingers.

"Lucy.Lucy,sweetheart, it's OK," Tim is murmuring, but he's across the bed from her and she wants him tohold her. She wants him to hold her, but she's alsoterrifiedof him holding her, because what if his hands remind her of Chris?

She isn't able to speak until Tim murmurs, softly, with tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry, Lucy. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"N-not your fault," she manages, and nowshewants to go tohim.

She doesn't know if it's a good idea.

Maybe moving closer to Tim, touching him, will send her spiraling again.

She doesn't know, but she thinks that going to Tim and reassuring him that he'd done nothing wrong is worth the risk.

He's still muttering apologies when she reaches him. They're both completely naked, but the feel of his skin on hers doesn't send her deeper into panic, so she thinks she's OK. She thinks that crawling into his lap and wrapping her arms around him might be OK.

So she does.

"Tim," she whispers, and somehow she's gone from the one panicking to the one trying to comforthim. Tim is shaking in her arms, and she knows that she's not the only one still healing. Tim may not have been assaulted like she had been, but he had lived through it, too. He was by her side as she healed, physically, and had been with her every step of the way since then.

"Sorry," he whispers again, and Lucy's heart breaks for him a little bit.

"It's not your fault, Tim," she whispers, and now she's running her fingers through his hair.

All of the arousal and desperation of just minutes ago is gone. Completely. She no longer cares about anything but making Tim realize that her reaction isn't his fault.

"It wasn't anything you did. It felt so good. I was so close. I don't… I don't know what happened, but remember? Cora told us this might happen. She said when it did that we could call her. We should call her."

Tim is nodding but he's still having a hard time breathing and meeting Lucy's eyes.

Corahadwarned them about this. In their shared session the day after they'd had sex for the first time, she had been excited for them but cautious. She'd been happy that their first time together had been without hiccups, but had told them that trauma could sneak up on you. That it might be tomorrow, or next week, or next year, but that itwouldhappen.

They hadn't wanted to believe her.

They'd wanted to believe that they had beaten the odds.

They should have known.

"OK," Tim finally says, and takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes and finally allows himself to wrap his arms around her in return. "Let's call Cora."

Lucy nods and squeezes him tightly before pulling back. She glances down at her body and grimaces. While she's not aroused anymore she's still wet and sticky from lube and spit.

"Shower and clothes first," she decides, and Tim nods.

She thinks he could agree to anything she said right now, though. He's eyeing her carefully, walking on glass, and Lucy is glad they have Cora. She doesn't know if she can snap him out of this on her own, and she doesn't want him to be afraid to touch her again. She doesn't want him to give up on them, because he's scared.

Lucy rushes through her shower and dresses in sweatpants and a t-shirt of Tim's. When she walks into the living room he's already there on the couch, laptop set up, and he's talking softly to Cora on Zoom.

"I don't want to say anything specific until she's here," he's saying, and Lucy loves him so much. She loves the way he respects her privacy and her body. He won't even talk about what had happened without her consent and her presence, and it reaffirms her determination to push through this, to make sure that they come out on the other side stronger.

"I'm here," she whispers, and crawls onto the couch beside Tim. She leans against him, and is relieved that he doesn't try to pull away. Instead, he wraps his arm around her and holds her tightly to him.

Cora smiles on screen.

"Well, the good news is that you experienced an adverse event, and are still touching and expressing your love physically. You two are stronger than you know, and you're going to be OK."

Lucy wants to believe her. She wants to believe Cora more thananything, and will say and do whatever she has to, to keep her and Tim in a healthy place.

"We were having sex," she begins, and she's gotten so comfortable with Cora over the past four weeks that she speaks plainly and without embarrassment. Cora has to know what happened to help them through it. "He was going down on me, with his tongue and fingers, and I freaked. I couldn't breathe and I ran away from him. I don't knowwhy, though. It's nothing he hasn't done before, and Ilikeit, so I don't know what happened," she admits, and Cora is nodding, her lips pursed as she thinks.

Tim speaks next. "I need to know what I did, so I can not do it again," he says desperately, and his eyes are darting back and forth between Cora on-screen and Lucy beside him. "I didn't mean to."

Cora turns her gaze to Tim, and speaks quickly, "Tim. You know this isn't your fault. You're just trying to fix this any way you can, to do what's best for Lucy, but you can'tblameyourself in pursuit of that."

"I know," Tim says, nodding. "Iknowit wasn't my fault, in that I'm not the one that hurt her. But if I did something thatremindedher of what happened, I don't want it to happen again. To do that, I need to know what the trigger was."

"There probablywasno trigger,"Cora says, and her voice is soft and regretful. "Trauma doesn't always have a trigger. Lucy knows in her mind that she's withyou, Tim. She knows Chris is far away, in jail, and that he can't hurt her anymore. But sometimes her body is going to react. She's going to experience hyperarousal, or an acute stress response, and she's going to go into fight-flight-or-freeze mode. Today her body chose flight. She ran away."

"But why did I do that?" Lucy asks, pressing her head to Tim's shoulder. "And will it happen if we try to be together again tonight?"

Tim stiffens next to her, andthat'swhy Lucy is so determined to figure this out.

She can't let this be what causes him to be afraid to touch her.

Shewon't.

"Not necessarily," Cora says. "There's often no rhyme or reason. It may be another month before something happens, or it could be tomorrow. But the important thing is that you don't let it come between you. Your sex life, Tim and Lucy, isnotthe problem. Tim, Lucyknowsthat you would never hurt her. She does. She's told me in our sessions. She trusts you with her life, her body, and her heart. When she tried to get away from you earlier, it wasn'tyouthat she was trying to get away from. It was her trauma response to what happened."

"OK," Tim says, but Lucy knows he's not convinced.

She turns to him, crossing her legs under her and facing Tim.

"Ilikeit when you touch me, Tim. I want it to happen every day for the rest of our lives. I want you to hug me and hold me, andyes, want to have sex with you. I want to have babies with you, and that requires sex."

Tim chuckles and kisses her on the forehead, and Lucy smiles. Cora, from the laptop, is watching them with a soft look on her face.

"You two did the exact right thing in calling me right away. If you had let these feelings fester, it could have held your recovery back. But it happened, and you knew that you needed help. Even if it's just to talk to each other with me as a mediator, you canalwayscall me."

"Thank you," Tim murmurs to Cora, and presses his forehead to Lucy's. "Lu, I'm sorry. Not because I thinkIdid something to hurt you, but because you're hurting. I can be sorry you're hurting without feeling responsible."

"I know," Lucy says, and lays her head on Tim's shoulder, turning her attention back to Cora. "I'm sorry I freaked out. Not because I think it's wrong to feel that way, because I know I'm dealing with what happened, but because it hurt you."

"You two are my favorite clients,"Cora comments, leaning back in her office chair and watching them through the laptop screen. "You are so open with each other. A lot of couples who have been together foryearsdon't have that kind of chemistry and trust."

"Well, shedidsave my life during the first week I knew her," Tim says, and shrugs. "Working together under the kind of conditions we did built trust in a way that civilians can't achieve. We had a solid foundation, and it made this transition easier."

"Regardless, I think you guys are going to be OK. Keep coming to therapy, keep calling me when these things happen, and keep talking to and communicating with each other. You're going to be fine."

"I hope so," Lucy says, sighing as she grabs Tim's hand and entwines their fingers. "Do you have any advice for the next time we try to be intimate?"

Cora looks contemplative for several seconds and then nods.

"Yeah, I do. Talk a lot during sex. Check in, make sure that you're both OK. Because Tim, I know you're worried about Lucy, but you need to be worried aboutyourself, too. You have to take care of yourself. If having sex is hurting you emotionally because you're too scared of hurting Lucy, or not enjoying it because you're trying to be careful, then you shouldn't be having sex. You want to make sure that your sex life stays healthy, forboth of you. It's OK to check in during sex, make sure she's OK, but if you're so worried about hurting her that you're hurting yourself emotionally, then it's not healthy or good for you. So, Tim and Lucy, watch out for each other. Don't be afraid to stop in the middle. If you're not having a good time,either of you, stop. You don't have to finish every time. Just because you stop in the middle of sex doesn't mean that you can't be close and intimate. If you have to stop, just hold each other. Spend time close to each other, skin go skin, and talk about what happened. Call me if you need to."

Lucy is nodding, holding tightly to Tim's hand.

"Thank you," she whispers, and Cora and Tim exchange goodbyes before Tim reaches over to hang the call up.

Lucy immediately swings herself into his lap, straddling him and cupping his cheeks with both of her hands. She meets his eyes, and doesn't let him break away from her gaze.

"Tim. I want to try again. Tonight or tomorrow, or whenever you're comfortable. I want to show you that what happened doesn't have to be the end of what we had. We wereso goodtogether, Tim. You made me feel good and I love being that close to you, sharing that with you. What happened wasn't becauseyouwere touching me. It was because of what Chris did and Ifucking refuseto let it ruin what we have."

"Lucy," Tim says, and he's smiling softly, reaching up to cup the back of her head and run his fingers through her hair. "I know. I'm sorry I freaked out. And I will be a little twitchy when we try again, and I can't help that, but I'll be OK, and if I'm not I'll stop and we can talk about it. Deal?"

Lucy nods and leans forward, her lips lingering over his for a brief moment. "Deal," she says, and closes the distance between them to kiss him.

Notes:

OK so the rest of the chapters are going to be snippets of the healing process/Lucy going back to work/MAYBE A PROPOSAL WHO KNOWS/and Chenford babies because I am WEAK for happy families. There will be time jumps, which is why I noted how long it had been since Lucy was released at the top)

Prepare yourself.

Also let me know if there's a specific thing/scene you'd like to see! :)

Chapter 29

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

(2 Months and 9 Days after Lucy is released from the hospital)

Walking back into the station after being gone for over two months isterrifying,and all Lucy really wants to do is turn around, crawl back into Tim's truck, and demand that he take her home.

Hishome, that is. She still hasn't gone back to her apartment for any length of time, and she doesn'twantto. She hasn't mentioned anything to him, however — honestly she's hoping that he'll forget she doesn'tactuallylive with him and just let her stay forever.

"You ready?" Tim asks, and his voice is soft, quiet and for her ears only. There are others on the elevator with them, but they either don't hear Tim or they ignore him.

"No," she says honestly, and then sighs, wringing her hands together nervously. "I'm excited, but I'm nervous, too. I hate that I'm not going back on patrol, but I'm excited to see how I can help Angela and I'mreallyexcited to experience detective work."

Tim leans over and kisses her on the forehead, eyes darting around the elevator as ifdaringanyone to say something, but no one does.

"You're going to be great. They're so lucky to have you, Lucy. And even if you're not a detective yet, they'd beinsanenot to offer it to you once they see what you can do. You're brilliant, and you see connections that no one else sees."

Lucy smiles at Tim, and shewantsto believe him. Sheknowsshe's smart, and that she's good at this type of work, but she also knows that being a detective ishard work. She'd watched Angela do the job when she'd first been promoted, and being a female (and pregnant) hadn't helped any.

The elevator dings and they step off into the busy bullpen of the Mid-Wilshire division. Lucy's eyes dart around frantically, taking everything in, and she wishes she had come back earlier. In the end, she'd made the decision to stay out until her leg was fully healed, because she knew that working on her physical and mental health was more important than rushing back to work.

But it seems sodauntingnow.

So much has changed.

So much time has passed.

There are new faces and old faces, and when the first officer notices her and Tim, he pauses and taps the man next to him on the shoulder. This continues until almosteveryoneis staring at her, and Lucy is about to run and hide when Sergeant Grey steps out of his office.

"Welcome back, Officer Chen," he says, and then he brings his hands together and begins to applaud. Everyone in the station immediately copies him, and there are some cheers and whistles thrown in for good measure.

Lucy ismortified, but Tim isproud as hell.

She had survived not one, buttwoderanged psychopaths. She is stronger than anyone he knows, and he isso proud of her.

Lucy wants to hide her face in Tim's chest, but they're at work and they'd set some strict boundaries that were to be followed while in a professional environment, and avoiding physical contact was one of them. So instead she takes a deep breath and tries to smile.

"Thank you, sir," she says, addressing Grey, and then looks around at all of the officers who are smiling and clapping for her. "Thank you," she says quietly, and she's overwhelmed in the best possible way. She's barely holding back tears, and she loses the battle when Tim steps away from her, joining the rest of the bullpen in applauding her. He's grinning from ear to ear, clapping louder than anyone in the room, and Lucy feels so loved.

"You were missed, Officer Chen," Grey says, and he walks right up to her and envelopes her in a hug. "And youwill bemissed on patrol, but I know you're going to do great things as a detective."

"I'm not a detective yet," Lucy mumbles, and her voice is muffled by Grey's uniform as he holds her. She melts into his embrace for a moment, and then pulls back, wiping away the few tears that she had let fall.

"No," Grey agrees, and he's grinning like a proud father. "But youwill besoon. Come on. Let's get you set up with the rest of the detectives."

Grey leads her and Tim to Angela's desk, and Angela immediately stands and hugs her. Her belly ishuge,and Lucy knows she's due any day now.

"Lucy! I'm so glad you're here. You get to entertain me while I'm stuck behind this desk,andCaradine agreed that you can take over for me while I'm on maternity leave as a test run! So, chop chop, this baby could come at any moment and I have to get you up to speed on all of my cases."

Lucy stares at Angela, mouth open, and then turns to Tim. He's grinning widely, and Lucy loves seeing him so happy.

"Tim…" she says, because she doesn't know how she's going to do this. She doesn't know how she's going to jump right back into this after being gone for two months, but she knows Tim will help her. And Angela and the rest of their friends.

"You're going to begreat," he reassures her, and he breaks their own rules by reaching out and taking her hand. He squeezes it tightly, and Lucy knows that he wants to kiss her, becauseshewants to kisshim.They manage to restrain themselves,barely,and instead of kissing her, Tim holds her hand for a long moment before letting it drop.

"I'm right around the corner and down the hall if you need anything," he says, and Lucy knows he is. She knows he's close, and that he and everyone else in the building is determined to keep her safe this time, and she begins to relax as Angela pulls a second chair over to her desk and all but shoves Lucy into it.

"I have four open cases, so listen up," she begins, and Lucy waves as Tim and Grey begin walking away. As soon as they're out of sight, however, Angela shoves her case files to the side and turns to catch Lucy's gaze. "How are you doing, being back?" she asks, and Lucy is grateful that she'd let Tim and Grey leave before asking.

Sheknowsthat Tim is worried about her, but Cora has been helping him prepare for this, and she doesn't want to give him any additional reasons to worry.

She bites her lip and thinks for a moment, formulating an honest response to Angela's question.

"I'm apprehensive," she says, and then continues. "There are some things here in the station that are going to be triggering for me. For example, I didn't go into the locker room this morning and honestly I'm not sure I'll be able to for a while."

"That's understandable," Angela says, nodding her head. "So don't go in the locker room. As a detective you don't have to wear the uniform, so change at home and avoid the places that trigger you until you feel like you're ready to face them."

"Yeah," Lucy agrees, and picks at the hem of the shirt she's wearing. She had dressed nicely today, knowing she would be working with the detectives, and she's wearing a pair of red jeans and a flowing, black top. She likes the idea of avoiding the locker room for as long as she can, and knows she'll change at home until she's able to face the memory of being taken. "Yeah, I can do that."

"And rest assured that Tim did a good job putting the fear of god into everyone in this station. They're going to watch your every move; there's no way anyone will take you again, or even so much as give you a paper cut."

Lucy chuckles as she remembers the stories Tim had told her.

IA had done a good of 'infiltrating' the station over the past several weeks. Various officers had been caught unaware by people with weapons, people who seemed harmless but in actuality were carrying weapons or aiming to 'hurt' people and, yes, the coffee had been 'poisoned' several times despite Nolan's best efforts to prevent it.

"I'm anxious, but Cora has been helping me and Tim face what happened and talk about it. I know I'm safe here. Tim knows I'm safe here. And Cora has challenged him to stay away until at least lunch, to do his job and let me do mine."

Angela raises an eyebrow; she clearly doesn't believe that Tim can do it, but Lucy knows he can. He's come a long way with his anxiety about letting her out of his sight, and Lucy knows she won't see him until he picks her up for their planned 12:30 lunch date.

"OK, tell me about these cases," she says, and leans back in her chair as Angela picks up the first file and begins to walk her through it.

Tim doesn't show up until 12:25, and Lucy isshockedthat the time has passed so quickly. She looks up from the file she's studying and sees Tim walking toward her, and for a second she thinks Angela had been right and he hadn't been able to make it until lunch.

He walks up to her, grinning, and cocks his head to the side when he sees her buried under files and cups of coffee.

"How's it going?" he asks, and Angela perks up from where she's slouched in her chair, complaining of back pain.

"Wonder Woman got us a lead on a case that has been cold forweeks. She noticed a pattern — the killer used drugs to subdue his victims, and Lucy had noticed the puncture marks in each of their necks. "When we realized they'd been drugged we were able to run a tox screen on the most recent victim, and Rohypnol showed up. We're tracking buyers now, and running our main suspect's computer search history, credit card histories, anything we can think of."

Lucy blushes and grins at Tim. She's proud of herself, and she knows Tim and Angela are too.

"Caradine wasimpressed,which is no small feat," Angela adds, and Lucy nods. "We'll make a detective out of this girl yet."

"We'll I'm here to takeDetectiveChen to lunch. Can you spare her for a bit?"

Angela waves a hand in permission and Tim holds out his arm. Lucy grins and takes it, letting him pull her to her feet and tuck her hand into his elbow.

"I'm off the clock for lunch," he explains when she questions the touch. "And we're not fooling anyone in this building. They all saw me lose my shit when you were taken. They know I'm hopelessly in love with you. The only reason I agreed to the rules you set is because I know that you will take more heat for this than I will."

"Yeah," Lucy agrees, although now that they're not working in the same department, she knows that the stigma against dating a fellow officer is much,muchless.

Tim leads her straight through the bullpen and doesn't let go of her arm. Lucy could pull away if she wanted to, or even so much aslookat Tim and he could back off, but she doesn'twantto. She wants to hold his hand, because she's now come close to deathtwice, and she loves her job, sheloves it,but she loves Tim more. And besides, she's proved herself to who she needs to prove herself to, and the opinions of others don't matter.

"Tacos?" she asks, as they walk outside, and Tim silently steers them in the direction of their favorite taco truck.

"Anything you want, Lu."

Lucy smiles, and enjoys the way Tim puts his hand low on her back. It's large and warm and grounding, and she loves that he's not afraid to show his affection to her in small ways.

They order and then sit down, and Lucy bites into her taco with a sigh of happiness. It had been a long morning, and she wasstarving.

"Tell me about your day so far," Tim requests, and Lucy does. It's weird not working with him, but she likes having something to talk about that he wasn't there for. She likes listening to his stories, too, and he begins to tell her how Grey has him shadowing to see what a sergeant does.

"He might retire," Tim says softly, and Lucy looks at him in amusement.

"Hasn't he 'retired' like six times already?"

Tim laughs and nods, and takes his last bite of taco before reaching out to hold her hand on top of the table.

"Yeah, but he keeps saying things that make me think he's grooming me for the job. I think he wants me to take over."

Lucy's eyes are wide, and she's grinning as she scoots closer to him.

"Would you?" she asks, and shehopes,because she's moved to a less dangerous job as a detective assistant (and hopefully one day an actual detective), and she wants Tim to as well. She wants to know that he'll come home at night. She wants to have a more predictable schedule, and she wants him to have one, too, so that they can raise a family together.

She loves being a cop, but she can doboth. She can do her job and do itwell,and then she could pick her babies up from daycare and have ahomeand alifewith Tim.

"Yeah," he finally responds, voice soft. "Yeah, I think I would. Because patrol is great, but I think I'm ready to be shot at less. I have a lot of motivation to make it home at night now."

Lucy grins; she loves how they'realwayson the same page.

She entwines their fingers, and she knows she should toss her trash and head back inside, but…

"You said you had motivation to come home at night. Because of me?" she asks, and Tim gives her alookbefore nodding. "Do you think that we could make a home… together?"

At Tim's confused look, she continues, and the words are falling from her lips now. She knows she's probably blushing, but she's been thinking about it all day.

When she leaves, is she going to Tim's house, or her apartment?

She knows which one shewants.

"I don't want to go back to my apartment. It's nothomeanymore. My foot is healed and I know I was only going to stay with you until my foot healed, but I don't want to. I want to stay with youforever."

Tim is smiling in the way Lucy knows he only does withher,and though her heart is beating fast she already knows what Tim's answer will be.

"Lucy, will you move in with me?" he asks, and Lucy nods, grinning.

"I think I already did," she admits, and it'strue.

Half of Tim's closet is hers now.

Her shampoo and conditioner and hair products and makeup have taken over his bathroom.

His dresser has been shifted so she has three drawers now.

She has a key, and she's rearranged his kitchen so that she knows where everything is.

She'd mentioned painting the living room, because the light brown was a depressing color, and he'd come home from work with paint chips for them to look at together.

"Yeah, I think so," Tim admits, and gathers their trash to throw it away before standing up. "So, I'll see you after work? We can go to your old place, grab whatever you need, and we can officially move you in when we're off this weekend. Sound good?"

Lucy nods.

It sounds perfect.

It's time to go home, and Lucy is standing in front of the womens locker room.

She's overcome so much today.

She'd impressed the new boss, memorized four case files, and even went into the field in the afternoon to check out the newest crime scene of one of Angela's open cases. She'd FaceTimed theverypregnant detective the whole time, and had done a fantastic job, if she said so herself.

She'd faced each and every officer who wanted to pity her, and had shown them that she was stronger than ever.

She'd walked the halls that Chris had marched her down with a gun to her back.

She could dothis, too.

Tim comes up behind her, and she doesn't even have to turn to know it's him.

"I want to face my fear," she says, and Tim moves to stand beside her. His hands are in his pockets, and he's already dressed down. He's wearing the t-shirt and jeans he'd worn into work this morning, his bag over his shoulder, and he's ready to go home.

"Then do it," he says, and he moves to lean up against the opposite wall outside the women's locker room. "You're strong. You can face anything. And I'll be here if you need me, Lu."

He won't go in with her, as much as he wants to, because she can handle this herself.

She's healing.

She can do this.

Lucy takes a deep breath, and pushes open the door.

Notes:

I think I've mapped this out to be 32 chapters. Let me know if you've made it this far in the story and are still following! I have a few fluffy things planned for our favorite duo after all the angst, and I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 30

Chapter Text

(5 months after Lucy is released from the hospital)

"Lu, we need to gonow!"

Tim is impatiently standing by the front door, keys in one hand and his gym bag in the other. They'd gotten…distractedthis morning, and so were running late for work, and Tim has never been late in hislife.

He doesn't want to start today.

"Just… just a sec, Tim!" Lucy calls back, and Tim wants to roll his eyes. She's not normally one to take forever getting ready, especially since she always looks gorgeous no matter what (as Tim likes to remind her frequently). But today, she'd gone quiet in the shower as he'd been washing her hair, and since then has been moving more slowly than normal.

Kojo whines from his dog bed, and Tim frowns.

What if something is wrong?

Is she sick?

Is she having apanic attack?

She hasn't had many since being released from the hospital, but they seem to hit at the most random times. Neither he or Lucy have been able to pinpoint triggers, and he wonders now if he'd done something wrong in the shower, or if she'd started spiraling and hadn't told him.

He suddenly feelsterriblefor being cranky, and drops the keys and his bag to the floor before heading back into the house.

They can be a few minutes late, if necessary.

"Lu?" he calls as he walks into the bedroom, and he's about to head toward the en suite bathroom when Lucy comes barreling out, something clutched in her hand. She's crying, tears flowing silently down her cheeks, but she'ssmiling, and Tim has never been so simultaneouslyconfusedandworriedin his entire life.

"Lucy?" he asks, but he doesn't get a chance to say more before she's throwing herself into his arms. He catches her easily, but stumbles back a step as she wraps her limbs around him like an octopus. Her legs go around his waist and her arms go around his neck, and she's kissing him before he can make head or tails of the situation.

He kisses her back, because he's not anidiot, but when she pulls away and meets his eyes, he's still confused.

"Lucy,what is going on?"

Lucy pulls one hand from behind his neck and holds something out. She's grinning madly, and it takes Tim several seconds for his brain to realize that the plastic stick she's holding is apregnancy test.

Apositivepregnancy test.

"Tim, we're having a baby," she whispers, and tears well up in Tim's eyes without permission. He glances back and forth between Lucy's face and the pregnancy test several times, his heart so full it could burst.

"A baby?" he asks, voice hoarse, and Lucy nods, tears still flowing slowly down her cheeks.

"Yeah," she responds, and then she's kissing him again. He turns them and walks toward their dresser, setting her on top of it so he can continue kissing her even though his knees have gone weak.

"Wait," he whispers, and he pulls back, one hand cupping her cheek and the other moving toward her flat belly. "Wait. When did this happen?"

Lucy is on birth control, as far as he knows, and this isn't something they were trying for.

Lucy shrugs and grins.

"Remember when we were on that case, and I missed one of my pills? I think it might have happened then. I take my birth control pillsreligiously,but I take the progesterone only birth control because it's healthier and has less side effects than the combination pill, and missing evenonecan fuck things up, and I did. Ididmiss one, and we hada lotof sex after that case, because you almost died andyou knowhow I get when you almost die, and —"

Tim knows that if he doesn't stop her, she'll continue talking until she passes out, so he places a finger on her lips. She stops talking immediately and her eyes flash to his, and he can see excitement and happiness in her gaze, but he can also sense a very small bit ofworry,and that just won't do.

"I don't care how it happened, actually," he says, and then moves toward her, pressing their bodies as close together as he can. "I'm so happy."

Lucy grins the ear-to-ear grin he loves so much, and he can't help himself. He has to kiss her again, and again, andagain, but eventually he remembers that they're supposed to be on the way to work.

"Hold on," he says, and pulls back far enough that Lucy begins to pout. He smiles, and then takes her hand, helping her jump off of the dresser, and then pushes her toward the bed. "Sit. Don't move until I come back, OK?"

Lucy nods.

She's confused, but she trusts Tim.

He moves quickly into the living room, re-locking the front door and grabbing his phone from his gym bag. He quickly dials the station, and presses the phone between his shoulder and ear as he begins to untie his sneakers and kick them off.

"Mid-Wilshire Police Station, this is Drew speaking. How can I assist you today?"

"Hey, this is Tim Bradford. I'm calling in sick today for myself and my girlfriend, Lucy Chen. We seem to have caught a bug, and neither of us are in any condition to come in to work."

Tim hears Lucy giggling from the bedroom, and he smiles at the sound. She can obviously hear him, and Tim knows he'snevercalled in sick before, but this is a special circumstance.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll let Sergeant Grey and Detective Caradine know. I hope you feel better soon."

"I'm sure we will," Tim says, and then ends the call before walking back into the bedroom. He tosses his phone back on the nightstand at the same time that he's trying to take his t-shirt off, and he ends up a little tangled but he doesn't care.

"We're havinga baby,"he whispers, and he crawls into the bed and pushes Lucy back against the mattress. She goes willingly, sighing happily as Tim immediately tugs her shirt off, tossing it on the floor to join his.

"Yeah, we are," she agrees, and her eyes flutter closed as Tim kisses his way down her chest and to her stomach. He sits between her parted thighs, and rests his hands on her hips, kissing lovingly across the expanse of her stomach, murmuring words of love to their baby as he goes.

"Hi," he says, and he presses his forehead to her stomach, taking a ragged breath as he tries to hold back the wave of emotion that threatens to overtake him. "Hi, baby. I'm your daddy, and I promise I'll be agooddaddy. I love you so much already."

Lucy can't help the tears that begin falling down her cheeks. She sobs quietly and tangles her hands in Tim's hair, holding his face to her stomach and listening to his words of devotion to their unborn child.

"You're going to be a great dad," she says, and Tim kisses his way back up her body, pressing their foreheads together and wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumb.

"You'regoing to be an amazing mother," he counters, and then kisses her softly, intensely. Her toes curl, and she wants nothing more than to make love to him until they're both too tired to move. She wants to celebrate this new little life they've created, both the one growing inside of herandtheir life together, as Lucy and Tim and Kojo and Tamara (when she's not away at school) and now theirbaby.

So she does.

She manages to maneuver them until she's on top, and then she slowly pushes his pants and boxers down, stripping him until he's naked and glorious andbeautifulspread out beneath her. She wants to take her time worshiping his body, but he doesn't give her the chance, his hands finding her hips and pushing her pants and panties off in one smooth motion.

"Lu, I love you so much," he whispers, and there will be time for slow later, but right now sheneedshim. She grasps his erect cock and presses it against her entrance, slowly sinking down on him, and when he's all of the way inside of her, when they're pressed together as tightly as they possibly can be, Tim moves one of his hands to splay it over her stomach possessively. "I'm so excited to watch our baby grow. To watchyougrow with our baby. You're going to be so beautiful," he says, and Lucy knows that hemeans it.

She knows that he will think she's beautiful even when she'sas big as a whale.

"I love you," she murmurs, and then she can't speak. Tim makes love to her with a tenderness she's not seen from him before. He makes love to her like she's given him everything in the world, like she's personally handed him the sun, and when she comes around him, shaking and trembling, she's crying again.

Tim follows her over the edge and then pulls her into his arms, holding her close, one hand between them still settled on her belly, and Lucy thinks he might never stop touching her. He might not stop cupping her belly until their baby is in his arms, and she's… she's actually OK with that.

"Marry me," he murmurs, and he's kissing her cheek, her eyelids, her nose and her lips in an endless loop, constantly smothering her with his love, and his words catch her off guard. She pulls back, eyes meeting his, and he grins. "I swear it's not just because of the baby. I've had the ring formonths,I was just waiting for the right time. But there will never be a 'right' time, because every moment with you is already perfect."

Lucy chuckles, but her eyes are sparkling and Tim knows she's going to say yes. "You aresucha romantic. What have you done with badass TO Tim Bradford?"

Tim shrugs, and then kisses her, as if he can't bear to have their lips not touch for too long at a time.

"You helped me heal," he whispers, and Lucy sighs as she relaxes against him. She's practicallymeltingin his arms, and there's nowhere else she'd rather be.

"Of course I'll marry you, Tim," she says, and she's expecting him to kiss her again, maybe roll her over and start round two.

What sheisn'texpecting is for him to hop out of bed and scurry his naked ass over to the closet.

"Tim?" she asks, and she props herself up on her elbows to watch what he's doing.

He's back in moments, a tiny box in his hand, and Lucy's breath catches as he opens it. He's kneeling on the bed and they're both utterly naked when he opens the ring box and holds it out to her (and she's already trying to figure out how to tell their proposal story to their friends without mentioning the absurd amount of skin on display).

"Marry me, Lu?" he asks again, and she grins, wide and unchecked.

"Always," she responds, and he slides the ring (slim, simple yet elegant with three diamonds set in the band) on her finger.

He kisses her again and presses her back into the bed, and they don't come up for air for quite a while.

Best 'sick day' ever.

Chapter 31

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

(Eight months and six days after Lucy is released from the hospital)

"Tim. Tim,wake up."

Tim wakes up with a start, eyes popping open as he sits up. He groans as he wipes a hand over his eyes, looking frantically around the room to see what had woken him.

It's Lucy, of course. She's sitting on his thighs, her knees bracketing him. She has one hand on her belly, a tiny adorable bump that Tim can'tkeep his hands off of, while the other is on Tim's shoulder. She's grinning, but Tim can't shake the feeling of unease.

Why had she woken him up at —

He turns to look at the clock and groans.

3:23 am.

"What's wrong?" he asks, and heknowsthat she's OK, and that the baby is OK, because otherwise she wouldn't be smiling, but he can't help it. "Are you OK? Is the baby OK? What's wrong, Lu?"

Lucy shakes her head, still smiling as she caresses her belly. Tim's hand joins hers, because he can't stop himself, and he feels himself relax at the feeling of her taut skin under his hand. She's seventeen weeks along and has just started showing in the past few weeks, and Tim loves the way her skin has stretched, the way it feels hard under his palm, the way he can cup her belly and cover the whole thing with his large hands.

"We're fine. The baby's fine. In fact, she was doing somersaults like ten minutes ago."

"Or he," Tim corrects, and Lucy sticks her tongue out at him.

"It's a girl. I can tell.Mommy'sintuition."

"Well, I havedaddy'sintuition," Tim says, and he leans down to kiss her shoulder where her tanktop is sliding down invitingly. "It's a boy. A little Tim Jr."

"We arenotnaming the baby that," Lucy says, eyebrows furrowed adorably, and Tim doesn't evenwantto name the baby after him, he just likes seeing Lucy all disgruntled and sweet in the low light from the hallway.

"I know. I just like seeing you make that face," he admits, and then he lets his hands fall to her hips, pulling her further up until she's sitting across his lap, pressed against him in all the best ways. Her belly is pressed into his stomach, and she's sitting right on top of his cock, which had been uninterested in anything except for sleep until he'd woken up to herstraddling him. "Lu, why did you wake me up?" he asks, and if it's not a pressing matter, he's considering seeing if she's interested in another quick round before they go back to sleep (and, honestly, she'salwaysinterested now; her hormones have been all over the place for the past few weeks, and Tim has beenlovingit).

"Oh, that. Yeah, I don't want a big wedding, Tim."

Tim stares at her in disbelief.

"Wait. You woke me up atthree in the morningto tell me you don't want a big wedding?"

Lucy nods, completely serious, and Tim loves her more than life itself, butwhy.

"Why, Lu?"

She shrugs, and she's still smiling but her hands are now playing nervously with the strings of his pajama pants.

"I couldn't sleep. The baby woke me up, and I got to thinking about the wedding, and all the planning we're doing. Andthatgot me thinking about the guest list, andTim, I don't have anyone to invite."

She pauses and bites her lip, and Tim waits, knowing that she isn't done talking. He wants to argue — she haslotsof people to invite. She has tons of friends because everyone she meets falls in love with her, but somehow he doesn't think that's what she means.

"I don't want to invite my mom and dad because they have been… horrible about this whole situation, what with me being a cop and being in love with a cop, andmarryinga cop. And the last time I talked to them they told me that our baby would be better off without us, so I don't want them there. I don't want them to ruin our day."

"OK," Tim says, because honestly he doesn't want them there, either. They'd been nothing but horrible to Lucy formonths, and he thinks she'll be happier without them there.

"And I don't have anyone else to invite. No one but maybe Rachel, but that's all I could think of. So, instead, I just want to get married at the courthouse. Just you and me and the two required witnesses, and then I want us to have, like, ahugebarbecue. We can have a party in the backyard with all of our friends, because our backyard isawesome."

Tim is smiling by the time she's done; it sounds like a fabulous idea, really, because if he were to stop and think about it,hedoesn't have any family to invite, either. Friends, yes, and maybe Genny (though he's not sure if she'd make it), but that's it. He was never close to his aunts or uncles or cousins, at least not close enough that he'd invite them out to the wedding.

But getting all of their friends, their little, broken make-shift family, together for a party soundswonderful.

"OK," he says again, because he's only really about 70% awake. "That sounds great, Lu."

Lucy leans forward and kisses him and Tim sighs into the touch, melting against her. He lets his hands travel from her hips up her sides, brushing the outsides of her breasts, and the little hitch in Lucy's breathing tells him that he's going to get what he wants, after all, because she's already tugging at the hem of his sleep pants.

"Really? It sounds good? Because if you don't want to, I'm sure we —"

Tim cuts her off with another kiss, humming against her lips before pulling away and meeting her eyes.

"No, Lu, it really soundsperfect. When do you want to do it?"

"Well," Lucy says, and she's wiggling around on the bed to toss her shorts and panties off, and Tim could already barely think straight due to beingexhausted, but now he's gone from asleep to fully aroused in less than ten minutes and it's causing a bit of whiplash. "Let's getmarriedtomorrow, but the party can wait until this weekend."

She's pulling on his pants like she hasn't just suggested that they get married literallythe next day,but Tim's brain is spinning.

"Wait," he says, and Lucy pauses, a confused look on her face. He doesn't think he's ever told her to wait, or stop, or even breathed the possibility that she should do anything other than continuing to touch him, so he forgives her confusion. "Wait.Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I want to be your wife," she says, and …

Well, that's a solid argument, he thinks, becausehewants to be herhusband.

Hiswife.

He likes the sound of that.

"OK," he agrees, and then flips their positions so he can cover her body with his.

They don't fall back to sleep for a long, long time after that.

Angela and Nyla enthusiastically agree to be their witnesses, and less than twelve hours after Lucy woke Tim up in the middle of the night, they're standing in front of an officiant, with their friends (and both of the babies) cheering them on loudly. Tim's wearing his nicest pair of jeans with a button down henley, and Lucy is wearing a white sundress that frames her belly in a way that Tim is having trouble keeping his eyes off of.

It's all perfect, Tim thinks, and he reaches out to take Lucy's hand into his own.

"Are you guys ready?" the officiant asks, and they turn to him, smiling.

"Yeah," Lucy says, and then turns back to Tim, letting him take her other hand until they're just facing each other, holding each other, and she already wants to cry.

They haven't even started, and already she wants to cry.

"All right."

The officiant clears his throat and turns to grin briefly at Angela and Nyla, who are smiling widely and taking about a thousand pictures each, before beginning.

"We are gathered here today to join Timothy Alexander Bradford and Lucy Adeline Chen together in holy matrimony. We will begin with the exchange of rings. Do you have them?"

Tim nods, and reaches into his pocket to pull out the rings he and Lucy had chosen together. He hands her the one that she'll put on his finger, and then twirls around the ring thatheis about to put onhers.

"Timothy, do you take Lucy to be your lawfully wedded wife from this day forward? To have and to hold, in good times and in bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health; will you love, honor, and cherish her for as long as you both shall live?"

Tim swallows heavily and nods. "I do," he whispers, and he reaches with shaking hands to put slide the ring onto Lucy's finger. It fits perfectly, and he loses himself for a moment in how perfect it looks on her slim finger.

The officiant continues, "Lucy, do you take Timothy to be your lawfully wedded husband from this day forward? To have and to hold, in good times and in bad, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health; will you love, honor, and cherish him for as long as you both shall live?"

Lucy nods so quickly that she feels dizzy. She's smiling so widely that her face hurts, but she knows the answer to that question in hersoul.

"I do," she murmurs, sliding the ring on Tim's finger, and Angela and Nyla whoop loudly behind them.

Tim and Lucy laugh, distracted for a brief moment, before their attention is brought back to the ceremony.

"You have chosen to write your own vows," the officiant says. "Tim, will you begin?"

Tim nods and turns toward Lucy, and he feels surprisingly calm.

It isn't the first time he's done this, but it's the first time it's felt soright.

"Lucy, thesecondI met you I knew you were going to be a pain in my ass."

Lucy giggles and averts her gaze from his for a single second to see Angela already crying, holding her phone with shaking hands to film the wedding. She's not too worried, because she and Tim had paid for their ceremony to be professionally filmed, but she smiles when she sees Nyla and Angela's expressions of happiness and love.

Tim continues, "I thought you were going to be the most annoying rookie I'd ever trained, but I hadno ideathat you would change my entire life. You saved me from myself, again and again. You reminded me that there is good in the world, and thatIam good. You reminded me thatI am good, Lucy, and that's something that I never would have realized without you. You kept me from destroying my life in so many ways, and I am honored, privileged, and sofucking fortunateto be loved by you, Lucy Chen. Thank you, Lucy, for coming into my life. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for making mehappy. I promise that I will love you every day, every minute, everysecondof the rest of my life, and even beyond then."

Tears are rolling silently down Lucy's cheeks by the time he finishes, and she has to take a deep breath before she can speak. Tim is still holding her hands, rubbing his thumbs gently over her knuckles, and Lucy isso in lovewith him.

She speaks slowly, quietly, the words flowing out of her without conscious effort.

"There's a book I read as a teenager, and it's one of those books that sticks with you. There's a quote in it that Istillremember, even years later, and it's this:I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once. Tim, it took meso longto realize that I loved you. One moment we were just friends, and then the next moment I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I wastedso much time, and I don't want to wasting another second. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you,choosingyou. I am so lucky that I met you. I am so lucky thatyouchooseme, and thatwechoose each other, every day. I am so lucky that we found each other, that we love each other, that we're building this life together. I love you now, and forever, and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you and the family we build together."

Tim is grinning when she finishes, and he wants to kiss her but he doesn't want to ruin the ceremony. Instead, he turns to the judge, and waits for the next part.

"Lucy, Tim, having proclaimed your love for and commitment to one another in the sight of the Almighty God and in front of these witnesses, it is my pleasure to pronounce you, by the power vested in me by the state of California, husband and wife. You may now kiss each other."

Tim immediately wraps his arms around Lucy and hauls her body against his, claiming her mouth with his own, and if the catcalls and cheering from their friends is any indication, their kiss is a little less than chaste.

They only break apart because they can't stop smiling, and Tim takes Lucy's hand into his, rubbing his thumb over the warm metal of her new ring, and turns to face Angela and Nyla.

Husband and wife.

It sounds perfect.

Notes:

Chapter count has gone up to 34. Sorry, not sorry. ️

Chapter 32

Notes:

Ok so I TRIED to write the BBQ reception but it was fighting me. I decided to skip it for now, and if inspiration strikes at a later date I'll just add it as a one-shot connected to this story.

Enjoy this baby fluff instead!

Chapter Text

(Eleven months and twelve days after Lucy is released from the hospital)

The thing is, Tim didn't evenwant to watch the stupid videoin the first place. Nyla and Angela were gathered around Angela's phone in the breakroom, and curiosity got the better of him and he ended up sticking his nose where it didn't belong.

But thething is…

He can't stopthinking about it.

It had been…cute, if he dares use that word, and he can't get the image of thereliefon the women's faces out of his mind.

Could it really help that much? Was it that big of a deal? Sure, he knows that the baby is making Lucy a little miserable. She hadpoppedin the last few weeks, and at twenty nine weeks pregnant was constantly complaining about her back or neck or feet (which Tim always,alwaysmade sure to rub immediately after she complained about them, which was probablywhyshe complained so much, now that he thought about it).

But he can't get that damn video out of his mind.

He thinks about it while he's leading roll call.

He thinks about it while he's filling out endless stacks of paperwork.

He thinks about it while he runs errands for Grey, because being a Boot again means that he gets to fetch the coffee.

He thinks about it while he's eating lunch with Lucy, because she's rubbing her belly and shifting in her chair uncomfortably, and hewonders.

So when the situation presents itself, he doesn't waste time thinking about it anymore.

He justactswhen Lucy stands up from her chair and groans immediately, one hand cupping her belly while the other presses into the small of her own back to try and relieve some of the pressure.

Tim stands and moves behind her quickly, and Lucy is surprised for a single moment (because they don'ttouchat work as a general rule, and now he's pressed his entire front all along her back), but she quickly forgets to care aboutanything in the universewhen Tim puts both of his hands beneath her belly andlifts, and suddenly the weight of the baby is taken away and she feels breathless with the relief it gives her.

"Oh,that feels so good," she whispers, and she lets her eyes roll closed as she rests her head back against Tim's shoulder.

She can feel the laughter rumbling in his chest as he leans down and kisses her head.

"Yeah?" Tim asks, and Lucy hums in affirmation.

"Yes.Your monster baby is weighing in atfour poundsright now, which the doctor says is aboutfour weeksahead of schedule. He's going to behuge."

"Orshe,"Tim reminds her, because they're waiting to find out. And then he chuckles, because he was there for the appointment and heard everything the doctor said, but Lucy still likes to remind him at least once a day that his spawn is ginormous and sheis not. It's a little adorable, actually, because she isall belly. He is almost a foot taller than her, and the baby seems to be taking after him, a fact that he knows he is going to pay for dearly when it comes time for Lucy to deliver.

Lucy groans in delight as she shifts back against Tim, and he smiles as he presses his face into her neck.

It's nice for him, too, he thinks, because he'sholding his baby in his hands. He's supporting the weight of their baby, and he can't wait until they're actually born. In the meantime, though, the feeling of Lucy leaning against him and the weight of their baby in his hands is pretty damn spectacular.

"People are watching," Lucy says after several moments, when Tim shows no inclination to stop what he's doing. He hums and presses his cheek to her hair, and then sways them from side to side while he supports her belly.

"Let them," he says, because they allknow, anyway, and if he can give Lucy a few minutes of relief then he doesn't care who sees.

"This is nice," she says, sighing happily, and Tim would stay and hold her and their babyforeverif there wasn't a huge stack of paper waiting for him inside.

He makes a mental note to do this for her more often.All the time,if he can manage it, and then slowly, gently, lowers his hands.

Lucy groans as the weight of their baby settles again, and then turns around in Tim's arms, looping her arms around his waist and kissing him, because fuck it, he's herhusband.She doesn't care what the other officers think. And besides, Tim still scares the shit out of at least half of them, so she doesn't think any of them will give her any grief.

"Love you," she whispers, and then she pulls away, one hand cupping her belly as she puts a little space between them.

"Love you too, Lu. See you after work. I'll pick you up after my shift."

"OK," Lucy agrees, and she and Tim walk back into the station together but turn separate ways once they enter the building.

Tim waves and watches her go, and he's already planning on researching other ways he can help make Lucy's life easier while she does the hard work of growing their baby.

Three weeks later their baby has grown big enough that Tim is about to put his foot down and demand Lucy stop working until after the birth, but then he considers the fact that her stubbornness is actuallymoreimpressive than his own, and instead buys her a new rolling chair for her desk and sneaks it in before she gets to work in the morning.

"My new chair isthe best fucking thing ever," she says later that day at lunch, and Tim smiles to himself a little smugly.

He'd spenthoursresearching the best chairs for pregnant women, and had bought the most highly rated one he could find.

It seems like it was worth every penny; Lucy spends the rest of lunch praising every feature about the chair that she can think of, and Tim's just glad she's so happy. She'd been cranky when Caradine had put her on desk duty, but had seen the wisdom in it when she hadn't been able to get out of the chair without Angela's help once she passed the thirty week mark.

Now, at 32 weeks, their baby is measuring at five pounds and the doctor is growing more and more concerned. She'd changed Lucy's appointments to weekly, and had warned them that she would be scheduling the birth early if the baby continues to grow at the rate they are now.

"Hulk Baby likes the chair, too," she continues as she finishes her fries and begins to steal Tim's. He passes them over happily — she's the one who's growing a smallgiant, she could use the extra calories, he thinks, and then wonders if she's gaining enough weight. The doctor had said not to worry, but she'd only gained twelve pounds and five of that wasbaby."She slept all morning, instead of kicking the shit out of me like she'sbeen doing."

"Or he," Tim reminds her, because they had decided that they wanted to wait to find out. They were decorating everything in neutral colors anyway, the walls butter yellow and the crib, dresser, and changing table a beautiful dark wood. The name they had decided on was gender neutral, too, and the clothes they'd bought so far were whites, grays, yellows, and greens. Lucy had even spent an hour exclaiming over the 'going home' outfit they'd picked — a plain white onesie with the word 'loved' written in cursive, a pair of burnt orange sweatpants that wereimpossibly smallwith otters on them, and a hat to match.

It is pretty fucking adorable, Tim has to admit, and he can't wait to see their baby in it.

"I'm glad the chair is helping," he says simply, but Lucy sees through him immediately.

"You bought me that chair, didn't you, Tim?" she asks, and she's smiling indulgently at him.

"Wouldn'tyoulike to know," he responds, and she rolls her eyes at him while she finishes off his fries.

Sheknowshe did, and she's unspeakably thankful that he cares about her and their baby so much. She feelsutterlyspoiledandendlessly loved, and it's a nice feeling.

When it's time for their baby to be born, Tim is at a loss.

Lucy is in pain like he's never seen, and he wants more than anything to be able to take it away.

He'sdesperateto take her pain away

"Lu," he whispers, and she glances up at him with tears running down her cheeks. Her face is red with exertion, her hair a sweaty mess, and she's still the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

"How can I help?" he asks quietly, and Lucy doesn't know, but the midwifedoes.

They'd decided to go with a hospital midwife for the birth, to make the experience calmer and more natural, but still be near help if needed. The midwife also allowed Cora in the room, which so far hadn't been necessary, but Tim is still worried that Lucy might panic with so many people touching her intimately.

"Get in bed behind her," the midwife suggests in a calm, soothing tone. "Let her lean against your chest, and put your hand on her lower back. Push gently; it should relieve some of the pressure."

"OK," Tim says, and he climbs into the bed immediately, pulling Lucy against him and doing exactly what the midwife had told him to. Lucy breathes a sigh of relief immediately, but Tim knows that there's really nothing that can take away the pain fully. "You're doing so good, Lu. We're gonna meet our baby soon."

He kisses her head, her temple, and her cheek. He kisses everywhere he can reach, whispering words of encouragement and love while she labors and breathes and struggles to bring their baby into the world.

"Almost there," the midwife praises, and Tim stiffens.

Almost time topush.

"Relax, daddy," Cora says, laughing as she walks over to them and takes Lucy's other hand in hers. "You're going to stress Lucy out. Deep breaths, both of you. You can do this, Lucy. You've done much harder things for much less reward. You're going to meet your baby soon. You're going to hold them and hear them cry."

"Yeah," Tim agrees, and rubs Lucy's shoulders between contractions. "You can do anything, Lu. You're the strongest fucking person I know. You're so amazing. I love you so much, and I love our baby and I can't wait to meet them."

"Me, too," Lucy gasps, and then another contraction hits and the midwife is telling her to push.

The next hour is a blur of pain and screaming and soft words from Tim. She never snaps at him like she's seen in the movies; she'sthankfulhe's there and whispering words of encouragement to her. She's glad he's touching her, grounding her, and there with her as she does the hardest thing she's ever done.

Every single ounce of pain is worth it, though, when she hears their baby's first cry.

Tim turns to look at her, his eyes wide. There are tears running down his cheeks, and he can barelysee,but the smile on Lucy's face isblinding.

"Gimmie my baby," she says, and holds out her hands. The midwife laughs and passes the baby over, cord still attached, and Lucy snuggles the baby to her naked breast, running her hands up and down their bloody, messy body, and Tim's entire world is complete. He watches inaweas Lucy wipes the mess from their baby's bright blue eyes, and then brushes her fingers through their dark wisps of hair.

"It's a boy," she says in wonder, and Tim doesn't have any room in his body for "I told you so". Every ounce of his attention is on the tiny, squirming bundle on Lucy's chest, and he feels a fresh wave of tears arrive as he watches Lucy guide the baby's mouth to her nipple. He catches on immediately and begins to suckle, and Lucy smiles down at him with so much love in her eyes Tim thinks he mightdrown.

"Hey," she says, and her voice is choked but so, so soft and full of wonder. "Hi, Avery Reece Bradford. Welcome to the world. I'm your mommy."

The baby looks up at her, one tiny fist opening and closing as he eats, and Tim doesn't think he's ever been in love the way he is with hissonand hiswife.

"And I'm your daddy," he whispers, reaching out to touch Avery's small hand. The baby immediately wraps his impossibly small fingers around Tim's finger, and his entire heart melts at the sight. "We're a family."

"Yeah, we are," Lucy agrees in a whisper, and Tim is vaguely aware of the nurses and the midwife delivering the placenta, cleaning Lucy up, and getting the bassinet ready for Avery, but the majority of his attention is on Lucy andhis son.

He'd never thought that he would have this, after Isabel had left.

And then Lucy had crashed into his life.

The most stubborn, determined rookie he'd ever trained.

The most stubborn, challenging, defiant, wonderful, beautiful,amazingrookie he'd ever trained.

The day he'd first met her, he never would have imagined that they'd end uphere,but he's so fucking glad that they did.

"I love you," he whispers, and Lucy lays her head on his chest while they both stare at their brand new son in wonder.

"I love you, too," Lucy replies after several moments, and Tim wraps his free arm around her and holds her as close as he can.

"Officer Bradford, you get our hotshot, Lucy Chen."

He still remembers the way he'd felt on that day; eager and excited for new rookies to terrify, and he wishes he could go back in time and tell the Tim Bradford from three years ago that his rookie,Lucy,would change his life and save him from himself, in more ways than one.

He kisses Lucy on the head and holds her close, and as he stares at her and Avery, his world feelscomplete.

Chapter 33

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter fornotes.)

Chapter Text

(FIVE YEAR anniversary of Lucy's kidnapping & assault)

Tim wakes up to the sound of crying over the baby monitor, and for one brief moment he wants to reach over and poke Lucy — it'sherturn, after all — but he doesn't, because if he's tired, he knows that she must befucking exhausted. Avery had been an easy baby, and looking back, Tim wants to slap himself for thinking that he was tiredthen, because that had beennothing.

Now he has a four year old boy who believes that sleep is for theweak, andtwin three month old girls,and he's legitimately concerned that he's going to crash his truck on the way into work if he doesn't get a solid night of sleep soon.

"Timmmm," Lucy moans, and he grunts in response before forcing himself to get out of bed. If he doesn't grab the crying twin, then they'llbothbe crying soon, and he doesn't think either he or Lucy can handle that.

"Got it," he whispers, and he moves on auto-pilot to the nursery, quickly discovering that it's Ivy who is screaming her tiny little lungs out, and he scoops her out of her crib and tucks her against his chest to try and calm her before she wakes Hazel.

"Hey, baby girl," he whispers, and he rocks her back and forth as he heads to the changing table. Her cries die down to little unhappy mutters, and Tim kisses both of her chubby cheeks before making quick work of her sleeper and dirty diaper. He cleans her up and puts a fresh diaper and onesie on her before picking her up and tucking her into the crook of his arm. She's quiet now, no longer dirty and cranky, and is staring up at Tim with wide, brown eyes that match her mother's perfectly.

"Hey, baby," he whispers, and he rocks her back and forth, humming to himself as he waits to see if she'll go back down. He thinks shemight,because her little eyes are heavy and she keeps yawning, her tiny little rosebud mouth a perfect circle as she stretches in his arms.

Shedoesfall back asleep eventually, and Tim lays her down as gently as he possibly can, backing away from her like she's a live bomb about to go off, and breathes a sigh of relief when he manages to make it out of the nursery without either girl waking up again.

He smiles and turns back to his and Lucy's bedroom, determined to climb back under the covers with her andnot fucking movefor at least another hour.

He isdrained.

"She went back to sleep," he whispers as he enters the bedroom, and he's about to crawl back into bed with Lucy and cuddle her back to sleep when he sees the panic in her eyes, the tears running down her cheeks.

Oh, fuck,he thinks, and he realizes belatedly what day it is.

It's the anniversary of hersecondkidnapping. The day, five years ago, when Chris had taken her and assaulted her and almost raped her.

"Lu," he whispers, and he falls to his knees beside their bed, reaching out to press his hands to the bed on either side of her thighs. He won't touch her yet, not until she tells him it's OK for him to touch her, but he knows from experience that she always wants him close. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Lucy shakes her head, trying to breathe around the lump in her throat, and Tim waits patiently, because this isn't the only panic attack she's had since it happened. They happen less now, and have become less severe as time passes, and there's notalwaysa clear cause, but Tim can usually figure out what had triggered her.

"Can I hold you?" Tim asks, because sometimes she wants to be held and other times she doesn't; it depends on what she's remembering, or what her nightmare had been about, and Tim doesn't want to overstep,ever.

Lucy shakes her head 'no', and Tim knows that this is going to be a bad one.

It gets worse when he hears little footsteps walking down the hallway. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, wishing that Avery had slept in a little more, or that he had been able to calm Lucy before the boy woke up.

But it didn't always work like that, and Avery had seen his share of panic attacks.

He walks into the room now, his eyes flickering between his mom and dad, and sticks his thumb in his mouth as he walks up and tries to crawl into the bed beside Lucy. Tim reaches out to grab him, wrapping one arm around the boy's tiny waist, and settles him into his own lap instead.

Sometimes evenAvery'stouch can set Lucy off, and he doesn't want the little boy to have to see that, or feel unwanted or unloved if Lucy pushes him away in her pain.

"Mommy?" he asks as he sucks on his finger, and they've been trying to break him of the habit of sucking his thumb, but when he's worried or anxious, he still falls back into his old habits.

"Mommy isn't feeling well," Tim says, and brushes a hand through Avery's hair as he rocks them back and forth on the floor.

Lucy is breathing a little more calmly on the bed, and he's hopeful that this will be over soon.

"Lu?" he asks, and she glances down at them, her boys, and the love she feels for them crowds out some of the panic still filling her chest and making it hard to breathe.

"S-sorry," she stutters, and she takes a deep, steadying breath before crawling onto the floor with them and reaching out to take Tim's hand.

It's not much, but it's something, and he grips her fingers tightly.

"What happened?" he asks gently, and he casts a glance at Avery to remind Lucy that they're not alone. She nods and leans her head on Tim's shoulder, and he lets out a relieved sigh. If she's touching him now, she's coming down from the height of panic, and Tim is thankful that it's not going to be one of the worst panic attacks she's had.

"Baby. You said 'baby'; I heard it on the monitor," she whispers, and the word doesn'talwaystrigger her, but it does when she's already thinking about what had happened. In fact, she hasn't had issues with it inyears, not since they hadactualbabies. Maybe it's because it's the anniversary ofthat day,or maybe it was because of the tone of voice he'd used when he'd been talking to Ivy, but whatever the reason, it had triggered her today, and they might never know what caused her panic, but they'd gotten better with dealing with it over the years.

"Sorry, Lu," he whispers, and reaches a hand out to wrap around her waist. Avery, who is still in his lap, tries to crawl into Lucy's, and Tim lets him this time.

He's sure they're quite the sight, curled together on the floor with their toddler, and hehatesthat this is still happening, but he knows that healing is a lifelong process. He'd promised in sickness and in health, and he plans to honor those vows for as long as he lives.

One of the twins starts crying just as Tim opens his mouth to ask if she wants to talk about it, and he sighs, squeezing her hip briefly before standing to his feet. He holds out his hand and pulls Lucy to her feet, a contemplative look coming over his face as he considers.

"Avery, can you take Mommy into the living room and cuddle with her on the couch? Daddy will be there in a minute," he says, and Avery nods, his big, blue eyes wide.

"Yes, Daddy," he says, and he takes Lucy's hand, hauling her out of the room. Lucy shoots Tim a bemused look but he just smiles and shrugs, and then moves toward the nursery again.

This timebothgirls are screaming, and he quickly changes and cleans Hazel before tucking one twin into each arm and walking into the living room to join the rest of his family. He passes Ivy to Lucy and then crawls into the couch, pulling Avery into his lap as he settles Hazel on his shoulder, and he curls his entire family into a happy little lump on the couch before grabbing the TV remote.

"We're ordering breakfast in and having a family day," he decides, and Lucy lets out a happy sigh, cuddling closer to his side.

"Sounds perfect," she says, and it is.

By the end of the day Tim is questioning all of his life choices.

Bath time had ended with Avery running through the house naked, screaming happily as he jumped up and down to watch his penis bounce, and both girls had decided that they were hungry at the same time. Lucy is sitting on the couch, both girls propped up with pillows while they breastfeed in tandem, and she's watching in amusement as Tim chases their firstborn through the house.

By the time Tim catches Avery and stuffs him into underwear and pajamas, he's so tired he's not entirely convinced he's nothallucinatingall of the children in his house.

Why did they have so many children again?

Tim wraps his arms around Avery, who is still giggling madly, and flops onto the couch beside Lucy. She shoots him a glare when his weight on the couch disrupts Hazel's dinner, and he grimaces before helping her reposition the baby so she can latch again.

"No more babies," he says, and Lucy hums, a small smile on her face.

"No more babies for at least three years," she counters, and Tim supposes that will do for now.

He hadmissedthe baby smell, the little feet and the milk drunk face when Avery had entered toddlerhood; he's not entirely sure even he will be able to say 'no' when the girls are big and he misses the baby stage again.

After you're outnumbered, why stop? he thinks. At this point another child would just be background noise.

"OK," he says, and Lucy smiles and laughs, wiggling herself and both of the twins around so she can lean her back against Tim's chest. Avery squeaks in surprise when he's squished between them, and pushes on Lucy's head with his tiny little hands.

"Mommy, yousquish me,"he says, and Lucy laughs, tipping her head back so that she can see her little boy. He's grown into such a cute little man; she loves his honey colored skin, his bright blue eyes and his dark, wavy hair. He's the perfect mix of her and Tim, and she doesn't think she'll ever get enough of looking at him, or smelling his baby shampoo or cuddling him.

"Sorry, little man," she says, but she doesn't move. "Mommy is tired."

"Mommy nap!" Avery says, grinning, and Lucy can't help but smile back at him.

"I wouldkill someonefor a nap," Tim says, and he's not even sure he's joking.

"No kidding," Lucy says, and she grunts in pain as Hazel bites her nipple with her gummy little mouth. "She's apiranha,"she complains, and Tim laughs, reaching to take the baby. Hazel gives him averyunimpressed look when he takes her away from her dinner, but Tim ignores her for a second, kissing Lucy on the forehead before heading toward the kitchen to grab a bottle out of the fridge and pop it in the microwave. Lucy had breastfed Avery for the first eight months, but it wasn't looking like she would make it as far with the girls.

"Hush," he tells the baby when she lets out a squeal at the sight of her bottle. He kisses her forehead and pats her bottom soothingly as the bottle heats. "You keep biting mommy and we're going to switch you to the bottle permanently." He pauses, and then grins at the baby. "No one gets to bite mommy's nipples except me."

"TIM!"

He winces and then laughs; Lucy always hears when he's being inappropriate, but in his defense, the baby doesn'tunderstand.

"It'strue,and youlike it!" he shouts back, grabbing the bottle, and he pops it in Hazel's mouth as he heads back to the living room. Avery is now bouncing in circles around the living room, and Tim knows he's going to have to start managing bedtime soon, but for the moment, all he wants to do is cuddle with his wife and his babies on the couch for a few more minutes.

"Thanks," Lucy says, and she leans back against the couch as Ivy decides she's finished with dinner. She quickly rearranges her top, and then passes Ivy to Tim, settling her in the arm that's not holding Hazel. "I'll go put Avery to bed. If you manage to get the girls down, Imighthave enough energy to let you bite my boobs," she whispers to him, and Tim istired,but he doesn't think he'll ever bethat tired.

"Deal," he says, and he stands with both girls in his arms, suddenly on a mission.

Lucy laughs and sweeps Avery into her arms, tossing the little boy over her shoulder as she heads for the stairs.

"First one to get the kids to sleep gets to be on top!" she calls, and Tim turns to stare at his girls.

Hazel lets out a squeal, and Tim frowns seriously at her and Ivy.

"I will cuddle youall day tomorrowif you go to sleep for Daddy nice and quickly tonight," he says, and Ivy lets out a very obliging yawn.

Tim grins.

Life isn'tperfect, by any means, and he knows there will be ups and downs in their marriage, in their jobs, and with their children, but he can'twaitto spend the rest of his life making silly bets like this with Lucy.

Their life is perfectlyimperfect, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

(Lucy makes it back first and wins the bet, and Tim doesn't mind even a little bit).

Notes:

IT'S THE END!

I hope you enjoyed this ride! I am so sad to see this end, but also excited because it opens up the next possibilities! I have two story ideas now, and would love to hear which you'd like me to work on first!

Option 1: Continuing Clandestine Operations, which is my Tim and Lucy go UC fic.

OR

Option 2 (not yet titled): Ashley is sabotaging her and Tims birth control on purpose to get pregnant and trap him because she feels threatens by Lucy. It works, and Lucy and Tim have to fight to get custody of the baby.

Let me know which you'd rather see first!