Ron the True Fan: Surprise, motherfuckers! Didn't expect a quick update, did we?
Takeshi Yamato: I know I certainly didn't - then again, Ron's been building up a vid backlog like you wouldn't believe.
Ron the True Fan: Do me a favor and kindly leave a like or a sub over there. The more I know people actually give a damn, the more I make vids and thus the more time I can spend writing.
Takeshi Yamato: If you're unfamiliar with Ron on YouTube, his channel is named Housecoat Gaming. He does quite a bit of-
(Many Distant Voices): GET ON WITH IT!
Ron the True Fan: SHUT UP! …Housecoat Gaming. Link should be in my profile. …Which I suppose I'll have to put on AO3, too. To the fic.
Outside Aurora City - 1834 hours local time - Day 255 of Ash Ketchum's Pokemon Journey
The sorrowful wail echoed through Ransei, XD-001 roaring in victory at the destruction of the palace.
Ash summoned the most powerful extant Shadow Pokemon left in the world and used it to assassinate the Empress and Crown Prince by proxy. The Emperor's fate was unknown to Kyoji at that moment in time.
"What the FUCK was he thinking?!" Kyoji demanded. "This is a terrible idea! You can't control that thing!"
"I think the better question is how did he bring it here, Kyoji." Neesha said, attempting to NOT scream in terror and succeeding at the cost of her eyeballs almost popping out of her head and massive bloodloss to her head as color completely drained from her face.
XD-001 was a terrifying sight. No one would blame her if she started screaming like a little girl.
Becca certainly looked two steps from doing so.
A flash signalled the natu-port of Ash, who looked…guilty. Kyoji noted this…then pressed onto something more important.
"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!" he demanded of Ash. "No, that's a stupid question, your sanity's ALREADY questionable by your own admission, but WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"
Ash stared into Kyoji's eyes, the dark bags clear and evident enough that this was a plan hatched by a mind that hadn't had a good night's sleep in months.
"We'll be fine." he answered, Kyoji about to rant more before XD-001 was bodychecked by Garchomp and Charizard, both latching teeth into the legendary's neck. Hatched by someone needing a nap or not, at least he knew how to deal with one of the major shortcomings of his plan.
To those not entirely in the loop, it seemed like a simple case of 'summon angry monster to deal with unrepentant assholes and then fight said monster'. Becca watched as Ash's team beat the living shit out of XD-001, swarming it like Basculin on a whale carcass.
As powerful as a Legendary could be, even as powerful as a Shadow Legendary could be, their many physical avatars were still bound by the same laws as any Pokemon. Death by a thousand cuts still worked.
"So… you know how his mom has a Ho-oh's head in her study?" Iris asked, getting their attention along with expressions that clearly translated to 'what the actual FUCK?' as they looked at her. "Like mother, like son, I suppose?"
Fortunately for the Lugia, it decided to use the better part of valor, fleeing for its' life. It took two hyper beams to the back from Pidgeot and the newly-evolved Dragonite, which also had the added benefit of getting it the hell out to sea.
Kyoji could not deny that even if the idea was generally terrible, at least Ash had a ready countermeasure. That did not change one particular fact: the Emperor was dead. Ash had just started a civil war between Tatsuki and Komuahito. Even with that little announcement, there were still going to be thousands of supporters preparing for war.
"I have to admit, Ketchum…" Kyoji turned away from the retreating Shadow Lugia to find the source of the familiar voice. "You sure know how to play the old school game of Ranseian politics. Sure as hell did it better then Nobunaga." It was Ryo, walking behind a wheelchair, where a plainly dressed old man was sitting.
It was Tatsuhiro Yamato, the Emperor of Ransei. And on his head… a round, green parrot.
"Natu." 'Surprise, motherfuckers.' said Ryo's smug psychic parrot as he nested on the Emperor's bald head.
Kyoji breathed a sigh of relief before looking at Ash. "You know, you could've said something about that!" he admonished the Rotan Prince, who looked clueless. "…You didn't even-The FUCK, Ash?!"
"I wasn't exactly stealthy, Kyoji." Ash said, struggling to stay on his feet from the sheer lack of rest. "I can't exactly plan for…" With that, he fell on his face, completely tired.
And as angry as he was with him, Kyoji checked on him, finding him with closed eyes and breathing shallowly. He was roughly shoved aside by Serena, who checked him over more thoroughly.
"Hate to side with the kid, Kyoji, but he's right. He can't plan for everything." Ryo opined. "No plan survives first contact with the enemy. You know that."
"Well, a little warning that he was going to vaporize the palace would've been nice!" Kyoji exclaimed before the Emperor coughed.
"Young Ash showed faith in others to protect those who could not defend themselves. And as I am not exactly in the greatest shape, my boy…" Tatsuhiro said, lightly smiling. "He was well aware that someone would save my life."
"That is not exactly comforting." Kyoji deadpanned before realizing he was talking to his monarch, but the Emperor just laughed.
"Such is life. But he did what he could and that is all anyone can ask." the Emperor replied. "Now for more… official matters. Komuahito is no longer heir to the throne. But you know the law as well as I."
The law in Ransei was that if one was found guilty, by their own admission, the victims would choose their punishment. Normally, this was a fine, a few days of hard labor to repair the damages done, but in such cases where there was no redemption… death was always an option.
That said, he had wronged not the people, but Pokemon. Specifically, Gibles. A LOT of Gibles.
Kyoji shook his head as Ash slept. He'd need to be awake. But he clearly hadn't been sleeping.
Komuahito's punishment could wait a day, Kyoji decided. With the Emperor alive and the former Crown Prince's supporters about to desert in droves thanks to that recording, he had nowhere to go.
And Kyoji was not blind to Ash visibly relaxing in Serena's embrace as he slept. …he was so going to lord this over him.
Violight Province - 0647 hours local time - Day 256
While Komuahito Yamato was not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, he wasn't completely stupid.
He had to bide his time. Recruit allies. Then he could take the throne.
"I'm going to get my revenge. First, I'm going to break Ketchum's legs, then fuck that bitch of his in front of him before killing him." he snarled, plotting aloud. "Then I'm going to lobotomize Tatsuki before forcing Ketchum to knock her up-"
Vun-vun.
Komuahito paused. …He wasn't in Violight, was he?
The ground collapsed under him, making him slide into a warren, a massive complex with hundreds of tunnel entrances.
And at each one… a yellow land shark. Many missing their fins.
"GIBLE!" cried the land shark school, rushing towards him.
"Hold, Gibles!" came a female voice from above. Standing at the edge was that silver-haired miko, missing her power armor. The land sharks stopped, looking up at her before three more people stepped into view.
The first was his sister. Bitch. The second was the Akamura mongrel.
Finally, with purple bags under his eyes, Ash fucking Ketchum. What, did murdering his mother give him a sleepless night?
"Komuahito Yamato-"
"PRINCE to you, you albino bitch!"
Mei glowered at him. "You have been removed from the right of succession. Be silent." she retorted. "Under the laws of Ransei, your victims will decide your fate. However… The Chosen One has a simple request before your fate is in the hands of those you have wronged."
The prince glared at Ash, who just looked… tired. "I know it's a lot… but you could try to change." the Rotan bastard said. "Just… be better. Work on it. You've done bad things, but everyone deserves a chance at forgiveness."
Komuahito stared. "Redemption? FORGIVENESS?!" he shouted. "I am crown prince of Ransei, you hick! What I have done pales in comparison to anyone else's so-called sins! This is politics, you naive fool! Morality doesn't factor into it!"
Ash stared at him, boring into his soul. "Do you want to earn forgiveness for what you've done?" he asked once more.
"I have nothing to be forgiven for, fool!" Komuahito spat.
Ash sighed and shook his head.
"I told you he'd reject it, Ash." said Akamura. "People like him don't have a moral compass."
"Go fuck yourself, Akamura!" the prince called to the scion of the mafia. "I know your plan! Bedding my sister and getting her fat with your brat to take over my empire!"
"Oh, shut the FUCK UP, Komuahito!" Tatsuki shouted down at him. "Father removed you from the line of succession! You're done!"
"You have rejected a plea from the Chosen of Arceus to redeem yourself in the eyes of those you have wronged." Mei interjected. "Under the laws of Ransei, all your victims will decide your punishment. Luckily for them…" she looked at all the Gibles. "You literally fell into their home."
"Gible!" cried one land shark, before all of them looked at Ash.
They were waiting for his command. "Go on then! Order your attack dogs to do your bidding!" he called. "Then this will be murder!"
"They're not waiting for my order, Komuahito." Ash said tiredly. "They just don't want me to see what they're going to do to you. When I turn around and walk away… they will kill you. So I'm the only thing keeping you alive right now. This is your last chance to show you're sorry. I turn around, you die."
The smugness and assuredness faded from Komuahito's face as he processed this. Simply because these rotund, yellow land sharks didn't want Ash to watch him get torn apart, they were waiting for Ash to leave to do it.
And he just killed himself.
Ash turned around, looking like he had not slept well in… years and hadn't had his morning coffee.
Mei then pronounced sentence."The Distortion Realm will judge you. May Arceus be merciful, as Giratina will NOT." with that, she turned and walked away.
"See you in hell, cockbite." Akamura spat, disgusted with the prince before the last one there was Tatsuki.
"Goodbye, brother. Hopefully, you'll be less of a dick in the next life." his sister said, a mix of angry and sorrowful before turning on her heel and walking away.
That left Komuahito alone. With the angry land sharks.
Then the pain began as one Gible latched onto his leg, biting hard enough to crack bone, sending him to the ground as more Gibles swarmed him, one finless one biting down, the teeth slicing through flesh and bone, cutting off his right hand, making him scream before another latched onto his jaw, crunching through and ripping it off.
Thus it continued, limb by limb as he was dismembered. But while the Gibles were vengeful, they were also merciful.
While he certainly deserved to die by exsanguination - total blood loss for those unaware of the term - they would make his death quick, but very painful. Losing his limbs, his jaw and all that was the painful part.
"GIBLE!" cried the land sharks, thunderclouds forming in the sky before all vomited lightning skyward into the cloud. Komuahito's gargled screams of terror ended when the lightning bolt slammed into his head, vaporizing his body.
The lightning bolt was clear as day. Komuahito was dead.
"In death as he was in life." Mei spat.
Kyoji put a hand on Tatsuki's shoulder. "Well, princess, I suppose you're going to have to get started on your training to become Ransei's ruler."
"I was never given anything of the sort." she retorted. "I was just considered a bargaining tool by my mother."
Ash shivered at the reminder of what her mother said about Tatsuki. "I mean, seriously. Using you to… just make babies that would be used to hold the world hostage? No one in their right mind would want that fate."
Tatsuki was silent. But Kyoji caught Ash's attention by commenting on her reaction. "…Your highness, why are you blushing?" he asked. "I know it's disgusting, but-"
She looked away, muttering something.
"Pika." 'What.' Pikachu said, stunned by whatever she said. Ash didn't want to know. Kyoji, however, asked what Ash didn't want to.
"What did you say?" he asked.
Tatsuki, blushing hard enough to make herself look like a tamato berry, repeated herself. "…that idea."
Ash gently said "We didn't hear-"
"I SAID I REALLY LIKED THAT IDEA!" she shouted. "I LOVE THE IDEA OF BEING BRED! I WANT TO POP OUT BABIES LIKE CRAZY!"
"WHAT." said Kyoji and Ash simultaneously, both looking DISTURBED at this declaration. For Ash's part, the idea of anyone LIKING being… USED like that just didn't make sense. For Kyoji, much the same… with the added caveat that this was going to be his monarch in a few years.
Mei just STARED like the Natu on her head.
Tatsuki realized she yelled that, deepening her blush. "…I just want the one breeding me to… well, be someone I like… someone that will respect and love me…" she added, giving Ash a look.
Pikachu was torn between laughing at Ash's plight and sharing his trainer's disbelief that someone would… WANT that.
Ash, however, did everyone a favor… and fainted.
Tatsuki yelped before Kyoji sighed. "I think you broke him…" he deadpanned.
Summer Palace - 45 minutes later
Serena was torn between throttling Tatsuki and…training her.
The yandere was mostly the former. The unabashed pervert for the latter. And was winning.
Tatsuki had a pregnancy fetish. And Ransei now had a succession crisis. For once, Taggard WASN'T all for hitching Ash with her. Mostly because he was a tiny bit racist.
His enraged screaming when Duchess Illine called and overrode his authority by… well, bribing Rota's remaining nobility for lack of a better term, was music to their ears.
After all, a political alliance signed in blood? They could live with that. That said…
The empress to be needed to learn her place in the pecking order.
Which brings us to the Kalosian approaching the Ranseian princess, tapping her on the shoulder, startling her. "I just want to say this, Tatsuki…" she said. "The first one is MINE."
"W-what?" the princess asked.
She leaned forward, Tatsuki trying to back up, but she had a hand on her shoulder. "His first baby. Mine. I'm his first love, his first wife. Therefore, his first child is MINE." the Kalosian all but roared before making the whole 'very happy housewife' face, complete with smile and serenely closed eyes. "Ok, sweety?"
She'd spent too much time around Delia.
Still, it was time to deal with the other problem, as Ash had recovered from his shock and was talking to the Emperor.
"Tatsuki has never been the highest priority for succession: women typically don't ascend to the throne." the old man said, slightly annoyed. "Some antiquated chauvinistic law. Fortunately, my daughter has gone… interested in you."
"I am NOT becoming Emperor. I have enough problems." Ash retorted, the old man laughing.
"Certainly not. You would simply be Prince Regent or simply a consort. It would depend on Tatsuki." the Emperor said, before noticing the two entering the room, Kyoji and Ryo standing at a respectful distance. "Speak of the devil. Come in, girls."
"Respectfully, your majesty, there IS another option." Ryo said, getting a look of confusion from Kyoji and Ash, but mild disapproval from the Emperor. "Sir, he has to be told."
Tatsuki blinked. "Who does?" she asked, confused, her father sighing.
"You are unfortunately correct, Major. As much as I hate it." Tatsuhito sighed, before taking in a breath. "You may be aware that I was rather… unwise as a young man."
His daughter snorted. "You slept around. That's common knowledge." she admitted. "It's more or less tradition for every royal to make a lot of dumb mistakes that have almost no real consequences beyond a gossip rag trying to make something out of nothing."
"That… is not entirely true." her father said. "I did have something of a consequence, but kept it a secret."
Tatsuki blinked. "…You have another child." she deduced.
"A son." he admitted.
"That's great!" Kyoji said, hoping this would deal with a potential issue in the diet. "So, where is he? Hidden in some closed estate or something?"
"That's… closer to the truth then you think." Ryo said, looking sheepish. "Because the name of the woman he slept with was… Asuna Akamura."
Kyoji blinked. "…What." he said before shaking his head. "My MOM? You slept with my MOM? Ugh."
"It… gets worse…" Ryo said, wincing before Kyoji shook his head.
"No, I KNOW my dad. He was an asshole, but he was-"
"Actually your uncle." Tatsuhito said. "He actually came up with the idea. I couldn't acknowledge it at the time… but you are, in reality, my firstborn son."
Kyoji shook his head violently. "No. That CANNOT be true. That's-"
"Please don't finish that, Kyoji." Ash asked a tad bit snippishly. "Besides, if you want to confirm or deny it, just get a DNA test."
"Natu." 'DNA doesn't lie.' the parrot said before pecking him. "Natu!" 'Also, HE'S not lying!'
Kyoji shook his head. "I know my father. He was a crime lord, he was-" he stopped. Ash was right. DNA did not lie. "I'll take the test."
Tatsuhito nodded approvingly. "And when you are satisfied with the results and the truth, you will-"
"NOT take the throne. Doesn't matter if I'm your son or not." Kyoji cut off. "Tatsuki is the rightful heir."
"But you WILL be part of the line of succession." the Emperor said.
Ash sighed. "Look, after that, I'm thinking I need to leave Ransei. I'm sorry for all this." he said. "Chosen of Arceus should really have a warning of 'will cause chaos'."
"This was brewing for years, Ash. You merely lit the spark." the Emperor said reassuringly. "You cannot be blamed for revealing the cracks. But if you want blame and punishment…" the old man smiled. "You DID wage a small war against the crown of Ransei, albeit with very good intentions. With that in mind, I leave it to Tatsuki to decide your punishment."
Now on the spot, Tatsuki blushed. "…children." she said. "I want children when you're of age."
Ash sighed, Pikachu laughing in a corner. "How many? Four? Five?" he asked.
"…That's a good start…but at least ten or fifteen…" she admitted.
Ash STARED, Tatsuhito snorting. "And there's HER family quirk. We're all a little weird." he said.
Kyoji, weirded out himself, had a suggestion. "How about Salen?"
Entry 117: The Great Ranseian Purge
After Ash's one-day war against Sayaka Yamato and her son, it was decided for a long-overdue purging of Ransei's upper leadership. All of the Empress' supporters were removed from office - some peacefully returning to their posts after being proven they were little more then pawns, others outright executed and many more simply imprisoned - and new officials were put in their places.
Massive reforms were required, but as Ash Ketchum pointed out, these were temporary measures: Ransei had no legendary Pokemon to resolve the imbalance.
It is hoped some will move to Ransei soon.
Ron the True Fan: And we're almost out of Ransei. Due to people screaming for us to actually, well, get to Johto proper…well, just a few more chapters until the forced timeskip. I WAS planning on doing a little more shipping, but you bastards just want me to get to Johto.
Takeshi Yamato: I imagine it's a lot like what I assume is a Monty Python skit which a lot of YouTubers use - they go into a long-winded description of an entry in a video, and then theres all sorts of different clips of people yelling "GET ON WITH IT!" I can only assume something similar is happening here.
Ron the True Fan: Pretty much. Also, in case anyone was wondering, I am now on Archive of Our Own. The recent STUPIDITY forced my hand.
Takeshi Yamato: Yeah, has had a few… hiccups, recently. And they have been more frequent since the servers moved to Cloudflare.
Ron the True Fan: Ergo, I'm porting everything worth a damn to AO3. Everything else? It can rot.
Takeshi Yamato: We'll still post here for those that don't want to go over to AO3 to read, but Ron's gonna be focusing most of his stuff on AO3 for now.
Ron the True Fan: Well, on with the show.
Ja Ne!