XXX

Oliver

We had stopped at the park after finishing our coffee, now sitting on the side of a fountain and enjoying a gelato I had sweet talked Enrique into getting me. I understood he didn't want to go home, but the more time that went by the more ridiculous the idea of him driving me all the way to Paris felt. By the time we got there the sun would be rising for the next day and we were already running on very little sleep.

"I'm glad you came back for me," I sighed, leaning slightly into his shoulder.

"You would have done the same thing."

"No I wouldn't."

He chuckled slightly, resting his head on mine and sending a gentle flutter into my stomach. It was funny, I had always been under the impression that the whole idea of "butterflies in the stomach" was a metaphor, which I suppose it is, but I had no idea it was a real feeling. Not until him.

"Are you saying you would have just left me there?" He smirked.

"You underestimate how petty I can be."

"I know you said it was a smooth break up, but sometimes I question that if the roles were reversed and your ex was the one who broke it off with you, whether or not he would still be alive."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Hang on, I never claimed it was a smooth break up."

Bringing his head back, he gave me a confused look, unsure what it was that I was talking about. I hadn't given him very many details, something that was intentional on my part, especially since he had still been brand new in regards to being back in my life.

"You said that he was moving too fast for you and that you broke it off."

"Well yes, but there's more to it than that."

It wasn't exactly a story I wanted to get into, feeling too personal even for how close the two of us had been getting. It was embarrassing and not even my parents knew the full story.

"So what happened?"

I stayed quiet, planning on telling him off or changing the subject before remembering how much he had told me just an hour earlier. Sharing what had happened between him and his parents after I left couldn't have been an easy thing to get into, especially regarding how fresh the wounds were.

"We met in Art History back when I was in school, he'd seen some of my art and wanted to pick my brain about a few things." I paused, unsure if I should mention just how complimentary he'd been to me, all of his words hitting me right where my ego was. I was a sucker for compliments. "I've had plenty of people interested in me, but it always has to do with my family name. Jean Pierre was different, he didn't even originally know my last name, he seemed to just like me for me. He thought I was smart and creative and liked hearing my ideas."

"I don't think anyone can blame you for that." Enrique said.

"Honestly, I don't think I had ever met someone who was so invested in me before. He never talked about himself, all he did was ask me questions. He could listen to me monologue for an hour and not say a word. Everything started off so great and when he asked me out it was the first time I'd ever said yes." I blushed, "I mean, it was also my first time being asked out by a man… Between that and the fact that I genuinely liked him, there was curiosity there."

I'd been extremely drunk that morning after our first date, not getting a wink of sleep after spending an entire night cooking. The difference being that unlike with what happened between Enrique and I just last night, Jean Pierre had been the one to make the first move. Even through the alcohol, the idea had excited me and I didn't stop him when he slipped a hand into my pants, nor had I told him it was my first time.

"You were eighteen you said, right?" Enrique asked.

"Yeah, I had turned eighteen just that summer. You know when my birthday is."

"It's nice at least that you can say you were with someone who cared about you, even if it didn't end well." He gave me an awkward smile, "I don't even remember the name of the girl who has my v card." Ending the statement with an awkward shrug of the shoulders, he gave me a cheeky smile, "So… who was better?" He joked. He wasn't really expecting me to answer, of course. It was just his style of humor, his way of being cute.

"You were more gentle." I mumbled. Although I had to keep in mind that I wasn't a virgin when Enrique and I had sex, it had been a long time since I had been with anyone, causing me to be nervous that it was going to hurt and that my pride wasn't going to let me tell him. He had been so cautious with me, though. He never quite seemed to take his eyes off of me that night unless he was kissing me or nibbling at my neck. He paid attention to the way I reacted to him.

"Nice to know there's something I'm good at," He giggled.

"Hang on, I never said it was good."

He elbowed me, getting to hit feet after I took the last bite of my gelato and stepping a single foot up onto the side of the fountain. With a sly grin, he set a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll give you one chance to take that back,"

"Not only that," I continued, my own smile now widening, "I'd hoped it would be bigger."

Touching the tips of his fingers to my chest, he pushed, my body now falling backward into the cold and filthy water with a splash.

"Enrique!" I yelled, slipping as I attempted to push myself upright with my hands and landing for a second time into the base of the fountain. I had to put my feet in to get myself up properly, practically leaping out as he hit the floor laughing, grabbing his stomach as he flopped onto his side in tears, face red from the trouble he was having catching his breath.

"Very funny." I snapped. "You're lucky I have a waterproof phone case."

He hardly seemed able to get back to his feet, pulling me into a wet hug while still stuck in his own hysterical laughter as he struggled to breath or speak, unable to stand up straight.

"I did warn you!" He eventually cackled.

I used my body to turn him, pulling out of his grasp before shoving both of my hands hard into his chest and watching as he hit the water with a scream.

"Next time don't come back and hug the person whom you've wronged."

I put my hand out for him to take, attempting to pull him back up to his feet, instead he grabbed me by my wrist, yanking me back into the water next to him. We were both drenched and shivering, yet grinning from ear to ear, unable to stifle our laughter. It was at least warm out, meaning that it wouldn't take us long to dry. Even if it wasn't, it didn't feel like it mattered. Only the smile that filled his face mattered, the most genuine that I'd seen him all day.

Sitting up in the shallow water, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a sloppy kiss that was likely unhygienic.

Maybe he wasn't the typical type of romantic who bought you roses or took you out to fancy dinners, but he had a charm to him that was whimsical, taking a moment after we parted in order to stare deeply into my eyes without uttering a word.

All I could do was kiss him again.

XXX

Enrique

"We should probably head out," I said with a sigh after what must have been our tenth lap around the park. Although we were both still damp, we had mostly dried off at this point, able to at least sit comfortably in the car. "It's gonna be a long drive and if we leave now we should be able to make it just as morning hits."

Oliver continued walking alongside me and although we had started hand in hand, he had released mine after the first hour, needing to get used to the fact that I was normally a bit on the sweaty side, something that just came with being Italian. Instead he had his arm looped into my own, similar to the way we had walked in his drunk state that it was becoming hard to believe was only the night before. If the stories I'd heard from my older brothers were true, he would only have a few more good years until a hangover lasted him the weekend and not just a few hours and a bottle of water.

"Are you sure you don't want to try going home?" He asked, "Maybe things have settled down."

I shook my head, not currently wanting him anywhere near my parents. Oliver might believe that I'm ashamed of him, but that was a better explanation than telling him my father was threatening to have him arrested for sexual assault.

"I don't want to be around my family right now."

He pulled his phone out of his damp pocket, temporarily forgetting about it during the few hours we had been walking aimlessly. He'd put it on silent after I'd begged him not to answer my mother, my own currently turned off completely.

In a very sudden movement, he stopped in his tracks, likely unable to look at the screen and walk at the same time even though he was normally significantly better at multitasking than myself. Stopping beside him, I watched a look of concern suddenly fill his face, one that said something unusual was happening.

"Enrique?" He mumbled.

"Hm?"

"Have you checked your phone lately?"

"I turned it off, why?"

"Different members of your family have called me 109 times in the last three hours and I have 74 text messages."

I froze completely, all of the color draining from my face.

"What?" Was the only word I was able to get out.

"They just keep asking over and over if I've heard from you and to call them back, saying that they'll explain over the phone. Most of them are from your mother. Enrique, she is seriously freaking out. Are you sure this is all over her catching us?"

"Who else has called you?" I asked.

"Both of the twins did, so did Emanuel."

"How does he even have your number?"

"Probably from all the times we asked him to pick us up from places as kids."

My heart was racing now, unable to think of any explanation as to why half of my family seemed to be trying to get a hold of me. What the hell had my parents told everyone? Was this a situation where an angry mob of my own relatives was about to burn me at the stake?

I took my phone from my pocket, turning it on and waiting for anything to pop up. That was when the missed calls began coming in, one after the other dinging every other second and not stopping. I couldn't even open anything, interrupted time and time again by the next notification.

Missed Call Log:

Madre (112)

Padre (84)

Elli (87)

Lio (71)

Eneida (52)

Emanuel (54)

Elias (39)

Total Missed Calls: 499

Text Messages (ERROR)

What the fuck was going on?

Oliver's eyes widened in horror as he began going through the messages, saying nothing when I tried asking questions and instead remaining in a trance like state.

"Oh god…" Was all he said, voice hardly above the decibel of a pin being dropped on the ground.

"What's happening?"

"Enrique, you need to get home. Now."

"What are you talking about? I just told you that I'm not ready to be around my parents again-"

"Enrique, your entire family thinks that you're dead."

My stomach dropped, a feeling of panic hitting me hard.

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on,"

He grabbed my hand, pulling me back the way we had come, towards the train station. He seemed just as freaked out as I currently was, practically sprinting and refusing to let go of me, even when I was attempting to slow down, running out of breath significantly faster than he did.

"Oliver," I exhaled sharply, "You need to tell me what's going on. What do you mean everyone thinks I'm dead? That doesn't make any sense."

It wasn't until we turned the corner that the station came into view, the entire area was blocked off and a large crowd had formed suddenly.

"Where's your car?" Oliver gasped in between shaking breaths.

"Just on the other side."

He pulled me again, upping his speed as the sounds of chatter among the crowd filled my ears. An ambulance was parked just outside the entrance, along with two different police vehicles. I couldn't make out what anyone was saying, words all jumbled together in a mess of different sentences.

"Ollie-"

My voice caught in my throat as we emerged from the crowd, catching sight of where I had parked my car. I felt sick to my stomach as the realization of what I was witnessing dawned on me, the sound of my mothers wailing shooting into my ears.

My entire family was standing next to my car, most of them in a state of either shock or panic. My mother was being held back by my oldest brothers as she screamed at a police officer who stood in front of her. Elli was making the same shrill call, shrieking like a banshee while Emilio had her held under the arms. My father meanwhile sat on the ground, white as a ghost next to Eneida, who held him sobbing, unable to keep herself upright while so heavily pregnant.

I was suddenly being shot up with the same adrenaline that had been in Oliver just moments ago, sprinting to where they all stood and unable to stop myself from yelling.

"What the hell is going on!?" I screamed, shaking hands held out in front of me in shock.

It was my mother who locked eyes with me first, pausing just for a moment to look my direction before starting up all over again, crying louder than I'd ever heard anyone cry in my life.

"Oh thank god!" Was all she said, throwing her arms around me with all of her weight and practically knocking me to the ground. "My baby! You're okay!"

Elli grabbed onto me as well, digging herself into my chest while Eneida and all of the boys just stared at me with their mouths open.

"Where the hell have you been, Enrique!?" My oldest brother shouted, looking like he couldn't decide between punching me or hugging me. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been about you!?"

"Will someone please tell me what's happening!?"

The officer who my mother had been screaming at was now checking on my father and sister, likely for signs of a heart attack or early labor, before approaching me.

"I take it you're Enrique Tornatore?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Alright," He gave a nod of the head, grabbing his radio from his belt. "The Tornatore boy has been located, it's not him."

"What's not me?"

"There's been a third rail electrocution, believed to be either an accidental fall or possibly a suicide. Your family gave your name to me as a possible victim identification, said your car had been parked just outside the station and that you had left home after a fight got heated."

My mom hugged me tighter, sobbing into my shoulder.

"We sent the twins out to look for you when you didn't come home," She said in between breaths. "Elli, she found your car; there were emergency vehicles everywhere… you were so angry when you left; when I heard what had happened… I thought-"

It dawned on me quickly what she was trying to say. Between finding my empty car with me nowhere in sight, the train station being closed off and the ambulance and police blocking everything… All after the fight we had had, my last words being that I didn't care what they did anymore.

"You thought I jumped…" I mumbled. "You… thought I killed myself…"

"I love you so much," My mom said, pulling me into her tighter. "I'm so glad you're okay… My baby boy."

Elias and Emanuel also approached me, both pulling me close to them even if just for a moment. I couldn't remember the last time my brothers had hugged me. In all honesty it was possible they never had.

Did any of my siblings even know the reason I had run off like that? I couldn't imagine they would believe that I would jump into a third rail for no explained reason, they had to have known it was a bad fight that we'd had. Given, I was under the impression that my parents also knew that I wouldn't electrocute myself even if I did have a reason, making me hope they didn't suddenly think I was suicidal.

"I'm fine," I tried pulling away, becoming claustrophobic in all of the arms currently squeezing me, but it was clear that my mother had no intent on releasing me in the near future, holding me tighter the more I struggled. "Really, I am."

"I thought I lost you. I thought you… because of me…"

My father, face still pale, pulled himself up from the ground, grunting as he helped my sister to her feet as well. He held no expression while he approached me, merely taking my mothers shoulder and moving her back from me before cupping my jaw in his hand, the same side of my face that he had struck me earlier.

It felt uncomfortable to look at him, averting my gaze away just slightly. Instead, my eyes caught Oliver's, wide with concern and yet keeping himself backed up with the crowd. After everything that happened, the idea that he no longer felt safe around my family made perfect sense.

His free hand took hold of the other side of my face, thumb brushing gently under my cheekbone. Looking away was no longer an option while in this position, having no choice but to look into his eyes as silence drowned that around me. What took seconds felt like minutes, up until the moment he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in.

"We." He stated, going off of the words my mother had said. "We thought we lost you."

My father and I had drifted apart a long time ago, the last memory I really had of him holding me at all being at the zoo when I was eight. I'd stuck my hand through a bar and gotten bitten by an ostrich. I'd cried, but I had gotten too heavy for my mother to hold anymore. He'd carried me for the remainder of the day.

I took a few steps back when he let go of me, glad that I was no longer soaking wet.

"I never meant for any of this to happen," I sighed. "I didn't want any of you finding out this way, I wanted to tell you. I just…"

"We can talk about it a different time."

Could we, though? I didn't want this to become something that was swept under the rug. I knew my parents, I knew they regretted the way they handled everything but it didn't mean their overall opinion would change. They would never tell my siblings exactly what it was that had happened, nor would they ever bring up what my mother had walked in on. Everything would just go back to normal and I was know longer sure if that was what I wanted.

"No," I said, "I think we need to talk about it today, with everyone here. My brothers and sisters deserve to know what's going on."

My parents looked at one another, unsure how they were supposed to react. They didn't seem to understand that no matter what it was that they had spent the last few hours fearing, I was not suicidal in any way, shape or form. I did not plan on killing myself, not did I want to. No one needed to be walking on egg shells around me.

"There's no way I'm going back to work after this," Elias said, attempting to ease the tension with an awkward laugh. "How about we all just meet back up at the house and talk for a bit?"

There were a few nods of agreement, and although I wasn't sure my mother was ever going to let me out of her sight again, she did eventually agree as well, accepting that I would drive myself home and did not need a ride.

None of them acknowledged Oliver following behind me to my car, looking back over his shoulder several times as we all parted ways, knowing we would be seeing one another again in less than ten minutes if traffic was good. He got in the passenger side, rolling down his window and immediately fondling his pockets for a cigarette.

"You okay?" I asked, buckling my seat belt while I looked his way, an oddly blank expression on his face. I didn't have the heart to say that I didn't want him smoking in the car.

"Yeah," He nodded. "Just thinking."

"About?"

For a moment he didn't answer, setting his hand on mine as I adjusted the gear shift and pulled out.

"What it would feel like."

"What do you mean?"

"I know what it feels like to lose you, but I always blamed you for it. You may have left, sure, but you still existed at the end of the day. You never stopped living your life and it made it easy to resent you… because you were always out there." He sighed. "I can't imagine what it would feel like to truly lose you, though. To know you would never come back."

"Everything is okay, though. I mean, not everything. Someone really did die and that's tragic, but my family didn't drive me to suicide and they won't. I have absolutely no plans to end my life."

"I know." He nodded. "I'm just wondering what regrets I would have."

He watched the beauty of the city pass by out the open windows, resting his head on the door as he blew through three cigarettes in what must have only been minutes. It wasn't a way of thinking that one normally saw in Oliver, forever being the type of person who lived in the present, something that made seeing the parts of him that I had caused to remain stuck in the past feel out of place.

"Have you ever regretted anything in our relationship?" I eventually asked.

He didn't answer at first, becoming lost in the world outside of the car. I had turned the radio off, the only sounds being those that came from the road as we drove it. He seemed so unsure of himself, as though he knew what he wanted to tell me but couldn't.

"I love you, Enrique." He eventually sighed. "I just don't know if I'm in love with you."

I blushed.

"You don't have to say it back to me, I wasn't offended that you didn't."

"I do, though. In my own way."

We both became quiet, allowing the natural sounds of outside to drown out our thoughts.

There was nothing else to say.

XXX

Enrique

Oliver sat next to me on the couch, close enough to make me self conscious but thankfully not attempting to sit on my lap or anything weird in order to make a point. I think he felt pity for me, an emotion that part of me was still surprised to see in him. It was my first real realization that he had matured a lot, an understanding that the antics we had once done for the pure enjoyment of making others uncomfortable had a time and place. He had reached out a hand when I sat though, appearing like he wanted to put it on my leg and pulling back as though he'd decided against it.

My parents, on the other side of the living room, were working overtime to not make eye contact with him while my siblings all gave the appearance of both relief and confusion. They were clearly glad that I hadn't killed myself (or even tried for that matter), but they also couldn't possibly figure out what was going on or why that idea had crossed my parents minds in the first place. Everyone fought with their parents, not everyone fought badly enough for the parents to think they might take their own life.

"I'm sorry," Was the first thing I said, fidgeting as I kept my head down. "I turned my phone off, I didn't mean to scare anyone. The train wasn't working so I was going to take Oliver home. We went to grab something to eat and then took a walk."

"We had to dry off." Oliver stated, "Enrique here pushed me into the fountain."

"You have nothing to apologize for," My mom spoke, not questioning why we were pushing one another into fountains. "Neither of you." She still seemed to be struggling not to cry, the realization beginning to set in that she really had thought that her reaction to my sexuality had driven me to suicide. She truly, without a doubt, believed during that moment that I was dead.

"You must have had a pretty serious fight if our parents thought the outcome of it had been… that." Elias stated.

"I guess." I felt embarrassed talking about it, unsure where I was even supposed to start. "I told them something I've been keeping in for a long time."

"We reacted poorly." My mom said.

Oliver huffed slightly, mumbling in french that her words were a bit of an understatement and causing me to elbow him gently. He had promised during the car ride that he would watch his mouth.

"Oh god," Emilio gasped in horror, "You don't have like… kids we don't know about or something, do you?"

Our father glared at him. Honestly I gave him credit in regards to the fact that he was making an attempt to be better, even if his feelings of the matter were obvious. He would never accept the realization that there were men I was attracted to, but after what had happened, he did seem like he may be willing to tolerate it.

I took a deep breath.

"There was a lot going on in my head when I made the choice to travel five years ago. I wasn't ready to deal with it, so I didn't. I was a coward and ran away instead."

"Enrique-"

"Please let me talk." I gulped, "It didn't go away, though. The thoughts I was having, I mean. I was forced to confront that part of myself no matter where I was. I abandoned the people who care about me for no reason." I looked over at Oliver, still sitting quietly next to me. "I treated people horribly who never deserved it."

He gave a small smile of acknowledgment at my words, touching a hand to my shoulder.

"I can't make up for any of that," I continued, "I don't want to spend my whole life hiding, though." I had begun running my fingers through my hair, silently debating if I would be bald by thirty if I didn't begin gaining control of the nervous tic. "I've always liked women, you guys know that. I mean, I've probably had the most girlfriends out of all of my brothers and it's always felt right, but in a way I also think I viewed it as my only option. I mean, men were supposed to date women, you know? It's what we were always taught."

"Hang on," Elli interrupted, "Are you… trying to tell us that you're gay?"

I immediately began blushing, a sinking feeling going into my stomach.

"No," I said. "I'm bisexual."

It was my first time using the term to describe myself and for what felt like way too long, no one responded, the silence around us deafening. Eventually though, it was Emilio who made the decision to break through it.

"That's all?" He said. "You scared us all half to death because you're bi?"

"Don't be disrespectful," Our mother scolded.

"I'm not being disrespectful, I'm just saying it's… I mean, it's Enrique, for gods sake! He's like the literal definition of the phrase 'a hole is a hole'."

"Emilio, uncalled for."

Elli began laughing quietly behind her hand, getting herself a dirty look from our mom.

"Enrique," Emanuel began, speaking for the first time after quietly clearing his throat. "Are you sure you aren't, I don't know? Going through a phase?"

"Don't you think I prayed that was the case when I left?"

"I'm just saying, they talked about it in Sunday school when we were kids, not to mention everything we learned in church. Besides, if you like girls doesn't it make the most sense for you to just date girls?"

"Maybe," I shrugged, pausing briefly, "But, I mean… Maybe not."

"May I please say something?" Our mom asked, everyone becoming silent as she got on her feet, approaching me calmly. "Enrique, when I saw… I mean, when I learned about this it was a shock, safe to say. Although I can't quite explain why, there was a part of me that felt like I had failed as a parent. Between the beliefs I myself was raised with along with everything we tried to teach you kids in church, it was as though I was experiencing a worst case scenario in regards to all of the things that could go wrong in the way I rear my children."

"A little dramatic," Oliver mumbled, either forgetting my mother spoke fluent french or not caring.

"Shut up," I sneered. He wasn't helping.

"Then after you ran off and Elli found your car and there were emergency vehicles everywhere… We learned about what had happened and… I thought I had lost you forever. It was like I was watching your life suddenly flash before me. I wasn't just losing you as you are now, I was losing the baby I carried for nine months who never woke up without the biggest smile begging to be lifted up from the crib you slept in. The toddler whose comfort blanket was a hand towel from our kitchen that had to come with us every time we left the house. The little boy who slept with the hall light on until he was ten…"

"I did not."

"You did," Eneida smiled warmly.

"I learned the reality of what a worst case scenario is." She brushed a hand through my bangs. "Look, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that the idea thrills me and I hope you'll understand that the entire thing will take adjusting to, but you are what God made you and he doesn't make mistakes, and no matter what happens, you will never stop being my son."

I swear I could actually hear the sound of Oliver rolling his eyes next to me, even if he had the decency to keep his mouth shut this time.

"Oliver," She smiled gently, "You're always welcome in our home, dear."

"Hang on," Elli said, "Was there a point where he wasn't?"

No one said anything as he smirked, placing a hand on mine.

"Well, he is my boyfriend, so I suppose it wouldn't hurt to discuss boundaries as to prevent any misunderstandings."

"I'm so confused."

"Just don't have an existential crisis like your brother, it's rather inconvenient."

My stomach was in my chest, my heart pounding in my ears as he spoke. So this was it, then? From his own mouth and out into the open, he had really just said the words that made us official? He viewed me as his boyfriend?

"Are we all okay?" I asked, looking around at my family who still sat around me.

Some of them smiled, nodding their heads at me as though I'd told them the most normal thing on earth. Some didn't look at me, giving a mutual understanding that the entire thing would take time. I had given them a lot to digest and I had done so very suddenly.

"Oliver could do better," Elli said with a cheeky smile, causing him to giggle on the couch next to me, a gentle vibration through the cushion.

I had said out loud to my family the words I never thought I would.

It was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life, and the world hadn't ended.