Sand and Sensibility
The two weeks before Claudia was due to leave for Egypt were marred by Griffin following her everywhere, begging to let him come with her. But she had to hold firm – she was about to do the stupidest thing she had done for some time, allowing Sirius to come with her on this Ministry trip. And she simply could not risk Griffin's presence.
Taking a portkey to the Egyptian Ministry of Magic would have been the standard way for a high-ranking official to travel, and it would probably be followed by some godawful welcome reception full of formalities that Claudia had neither the talent nor the patience for. Crouch wanted her to do all that and more in the name of diplomatic relations between Britain and Egypt, but she went over his head and managed to convince Fudge that discretion was of the essence if she was to secure the Sphinx for the tournament. The Egyptian Ministry of Magic would likely frown upon the British trying to convince the Sphinx to take a trip to England. Apparently, it was something to do with the fact that many muggle historical artefact took this particular trip and never made it back. So instead, Auberon got her a ticket for a regular tourist portkey to Cairo (as that was where she told everyone she was going) and she was good to go.
As Auberon handed her the ticket on the morning of her travels- "How will you find accommodation?" he asked, his twenty-something face full of worry that amused Claudia. Was she really that incapable of looking after herself?
She shrugged. "Probably camping. Took a tent."
"And that Egyptian Ministry permit to conduct business in their country?"
"I told you. The whole point is that this needs to look like a holiday… I cannot be applying for permits."
With a sigh, Auberon produced a paper bag from under his desk. "I've packed you some food."
Trying very hard not to laugh at his lack of confidence in her, she put the food into the travelling back and made her way to the travel agency in Diagon Alley from where the portkey was leaving.
She had never travelled via portkey over such a distance, and it did make her wish that she packed a little lighter. Or that she had not lost quite so much of her arm muscles since her Quidditch-playing days.
Dose of perspective, however, awaited Claudia when she touched down in Egypt. The discomfort brought by the pain in her arms was only mild compared to the horror show that was Egypt's sweltering heat. Within seconds, her whole body was covered with a thin layer of sweat and her thick, black clothes were sticking to her flesh, making her deeply uncomfortable.
Gasping for breath amidst all the dust that must have blown into the city from the surrounding desert, Claudia shook off the wizard tourists, who all made their way towards the only wizard hotel in the city, and went to the main muggle train station. A she sat on her bag, under the cloak, waiting for the train to arrive, she cursed herself for not checking how long the journey was going to be before selecting this particular mode of transport, or only buying enough muggle money from Gringotts to pay for the train ticket to Luxor. She had some wizarding currency but that was useless here.
Travelling without a ticket was fine, given she had the cloak. Twelve hours without food or water was going to be tougher. Who was sneering at Auberon's packed lunch now? She thought as she unpacked it way earlier into her journey than would have been sensible.
The train travelled at snails' pace through city after city, and Claudia got hungrier, sweatier and grumpier with every hour that went by. The only saving grace was her notebook, that lay open on her lap with the directions to the hotel where Sirius had secured a room.
By the time Claudia arrived at Luxor, she was so sticky and angry that she barely found a way out of the station. She had to ignore the line of taxi drivers barraging her to get into one of their cabs. She would have love too but had no means of paying for it.
Eventually, Claudia – or the disintegrating wreck of a human that train turned her into - arrived at the doorstep of the Winter Palace Hotel. She was in no mood to appreciate the beauty of the building itself or the fact it stood right next to a huge ancient temple. The only thing she could think about was that there was sand in her eyes and nose, and she could not even wipe them because her hands were so dirty it stung.
As she entered the hotel, all she could think about was a shower and a cold drink. Ideally, she would manage to secure both of these things before they threw her out of there for looking like a troll.
The grand lobby was nearly deserted – it must have been the time between breakfast and lunch when the hotel went quiet. There was not a guest in sight except a figure sitting in the armchair who put down a newspaper when Claudia entered. To Claudia's enormous relief, it was Sirius, with his hair tied back, white linen shirt and trousers, looking very much like he was born to spend his life in expensive hotel lobbies.
Claudia sighed. At least the atrocious train trip was not for nothing.
"You're all checked in, Mrs. Beak," he said with a smile and dangled a key in front of her face. "Here is your key." Then, he leaned in to kiss her-
"Please don't," she uttered and jumped away. "I need to take a shower. Or several-"
"You do stink-" he chuckled.
Claudia was too hungry to get offended, or to notice that Sirius sent away the hotel employee and took Claudia bag himself. "We're on the top floor," he added as he nudged her into the lift.
Her mood was somewhat lifted when she entered the huge hotel room. White curtains were flapping in the breeze blowing from the river through the balcony door. Everything was tastefully furnished in a regal mixture of deep blue and gold. "Didn't you think that maybe something less opulent would be more appropriate, given our circumstances?" she asked.
"Nope-"
"Where is Buckbeak?" Claudia looked around, keen to check the Hippogriff's whereabouts before she took her clothes off.
"Found him a nice, secluded stretch of the river. He seems very happy-"
But Claudia did not finish listening to that sentence before her clothes were in a messy pile on the bathroom floor and the lukewarm water was streaming onto her head. She loved him, of course she did, but at this moment, a shower took precedence.
Eventually, she came out of the gold-gilded bathroom, feeling a lot less repulsive. "Order some food? I'm starving-" she whispered and finally flung her arms around Sirius' neck.
"Got us a table at the hotel restaurant," Sirius uttered before kissing her. "You should put some clothes on-" he whispered in her ear. "Otherwise, we'll never make it out of here to eat."
"Are you sure we should be going out?"
"I'm not hiding in a hotel room for who knows how long. No one knows us here-"
"Alright…" she lifted herself on her tiptoes and kissed him. "Maybe I'm not that hungry…" that was all she managed to say before her head hit the crisp sheets of the four-poster bed.
It took Claudia two days of dinners, sex and swimming in the hotel pool before she even thought about the Sphinx. This is what their life would have been like if it was not for Voldemort – travelling, living in luxury, not having a care in the world.
But eventually, the time came to realise that they were not a couple twenty-year-olds on holiday, and that Claudia had a job to do in Egypt. Even then, it was hard for her to get going. Partly, because she had no idea where to start. Yes, she had Griffin's research, but that was more focused on what Sphinxes ate (apparently, they supplemented their diet of failed riddle-solvers with fresh goat) than how to locate one. After going through the notes for two days without seeing anything new, Claudia had had enough of the inaction and decided to just wonder around town to see if she stumbled onto something. Sirius stayed behind, refusing to move further than ten feet away from the pool.
The scorching streets were busy with tourists and vendors, offering all kinds of souvenirs and tours – guided tour to the Luxor Temple, guided tour to the Valley of the Kings, guided tour to the Hurgada desert to see- Claudia did a double take- to see the habitat of the legendary Sphinx. But her excitement was short lived.
"Don't be a gullible idiot," she whispered to herself, wondering if all that heat and sex she had turned her brain into jelly. These were muggle tours and the likelihood they actually knew how to find the Sphinx were minimal.
As the sun began to drop behind the tallest of the town's buildings, Claudia ended up in the market and her attention turned from finding the Sphinx to looking at some clothes that would not make her feel like she was going to boil. But she hated shopping, dresses and the ever-present pastel colours.
"Get the white one," someone whispered in her ear, making her jump. But it was only Sirius.
"I guess it's better than all these pinks," she replied and her nose contracted a little. "Don't have any muggle money anyway-" She placed the dress against her chest to see whether the length would work.
"I can't remember the last time I saw you in a dress…" Sirius uttered.
"What are you doing here?" she said, looking around – it was one thing being together openly in the hotel but on the street, it still felt a little odd. Like an auror could jump out from behind any of the market stalls and arrest them both. "Got sick of swimming?"
"Got sick of being ogled by all the middle-aged women…"
Claudia smirked. "I doubt that very much."
Sirius laughed and run his hand through his hair, inadvertently proving her point. He was starting to look like his old self, and he knew it. "Needed to go check on Buckbeak, and-"
Claudia tuned out the rest of it. She spotted something in the corner of her eye. An old man, hidden behind a pillar, doing a strange arm movement. Could he be a wizard? Was he doing magic?
"Buckbeak's doing fine by the way, thank you for asking," Sirius uttered into her ear.
"Shut up," she hissed and turned her back towards the stranger. "I think that old guy is a wizard-" she whispered. "Does he look like he's after you?"
"Not really," Sirius whispered, looking over her head. "He looks like he's trying to transfigure some trinkets into muggle money."
"I should follow him. Just to make sure."
Sirius sighed. "Alright, be careful. I'll hang back here."
Claudia squeezed Sirius' hand and left, before circling back to lurk behind the old wizard. Slowly, he paid for some trinkets and began to walk away from the market. It did not take long to find out where the old man was heading. Just off the main market street was a narrow alley, where he dived into a little shop.
Claudia gripped her wand behind her back and entered.
He said something Claudia assumed was in Arabic.
"English?"
He shook his head and stared at her.
Slowly, Claudia moved her arm to the front, showing him her wand.
The wizard smiled and rummaged through one of his drawers. Eventually, he located an old magnifying glass. He scribbled something on a piece of parchment, placed the glass over it and beckoned Claudia to come over. She glanced at the parchment, and suddenly the writing was in English.
"What are you buying? I have the best selection of magical object and books south of Cairo-"
Claudia grabbed the quill – "Do you have anything on Sphinxes?"
Without a word, or a scribble, he disappeared. When he emerged, he was holding several rolls of exceptionally dusty parchment. He set it down, then took up the quill again.
"Ten gold pieces."
If Claudia remembered correctly how much she paid Gringotts to exchange her galleons for the Egyptian currency, it was an eye watering price. But she was used to paying over the odds to Borkin, so she relented but asked for the translation glass to be thrown in.
Ten gold pieces later, or about fifty galleons in real money, it was hers. Once the sale was agreed, the merchant stopped her from leaving to write another message.
"I know someone who has seen the Sphinx. Come back tomorrow at three o'clock."
Claudia nodded, wondering how much that was going to cost her, then threw her new acquisitions into her bag and set off back to the market.
Sirius was pacing on the spot when she got back. "And?" he asked abruptly the moment he noticed her.
"Wizard shopkeeper," Claudia whispered. "Not after you, but I bought some more Sphinx-"
"Reading…" he interrupted her. "You bought more reading."
"What did you get?" she pointed at the shopping bag he was holding. "An even tighter swimsuit?" she teased him.
"I bought you some summer clothes-" he replied. "But I can toss them if you rather keep wearing your sweaters."
"Don't toss them," she said sheepishly and smiled. "You never got me clothes before-"
"Right… Half your wardrobe was clothes I got for myself."
Claudia had to laugh. They began walking back to the hotel and she could not help but stare at his face every five steps. He was doing so well. And they were happy. So unbelievably happy…
She spends the rest of the day in bed, reading her new rolls of parchment while Sirius was doing his best to distract her. Once the world around them went dark, and Claudia read everything three times, he lost patience and took the parchment away. "Dinner, now," he said with a laugh. "I'm starving."
With an eyeroll, Claudia gave up, put on the new dress and they set off. Any time she caught the sight of herself in a mirror or another shiny surface, she could not help but squirm. She looked ridiculous in that big, white flowing dress. Like a pigeon…
The dinner conversation was slow. Sirius was consuming ridiculous amounts of the local cuisine, his stomach having clearly adjusted to non-Azkaban food. And Claudia's mind was still swirling with pretty useless facts about Sphinxes. When she finally came back to reality and looked at Sirius, he was smiling and the fire that lit up the terrace they were eating on was dancing in his eyes.
"What are you smiling about?" she asked uncertainly.
"Nothing…" he said with a smile so broad, it was clear that he was not telling the truth.
"Don't lie to me."
"Do you remember when I panicked and proposed to you?" he asked with a chuckle. "And you took pity on me and said yes?"
"I recall-"
"This is just reminding me why I wanted to do it-" his palm travelled up Claudia's arm and he began to draw circles on her shoulder- "getting you into a white dress, having a nice meal, and forgetting about everything else for a night." He sighed and planted a gentle kiss on her cheek before whispering into her ear. "I hate we never got that."
Claudia shrugged. "My life would've been hell if we were married. Well, even more of a hell than it was…"
"You'd be rich though."
"I'm already rich," she replied and broke into a little smile.
Sirius laughed. "I'm not giving up, you know- I will get you to marry me one day, if it's the last thing I do."
"We shall see," she said with a badly disguised grin.
"Do you still have the dress Lily got for you?"
"No…" She swallowed dry, unsure at first of how much to say. "I burnt it."
"You what?" he chuckled.
Claudia stared at him, wondering when he was going to notice the change in her mood. Her eyes began to water. She did not want to ruin this. This bubble of happiness they had was too precious.
"I'm sorry-" Sirius whispered without prompting, pulled her close to him and kissed her on the temple. "Sorry for being an arse. It must have been impossible for you. Having the dress-" he interlaced her fingers with his and lifted her hand to his lips- "finding this ring. I shouldn't have brought it up."
No, you should not have, she thought. But then attempted a smile. "Just don't leave me again."
"I won't..."
Claudia wiped her eyes. "Are you going to eat the rest of the kofta?" she pointed at Sirius' plate, desperate to move the conversation on.
"You have it," Sirius said tenderly and rubbed Claudia's back.
Claudia ate the kofta, while Sirius told her about his plans to go visit the temple tomorrow, and within the hour, they were back in their room.
Normally, Claudia would have fallen asleep quickly when Sirius was holding her. But not today... She could not go to sleep with the mountain of unsaid hurt that was standing between them. The bubble had burst and the only way it could possibly be repaired was with honesty. She knew him, and herself, well enough to know that.
"I woke up on our living room floor-" Claudia began to explain out of the blue- "desperately hangover one morning and the dress was charred in our fireplace. I was lucky I didn't burn the house down. I don't remember any of it."
Sirius squeezed her tighter but said nothing.
"And then, when I pulled it out to check the state of it, the ring fell out of the ashes with it. I don't even know where I found it."
"Taped to the bottom of my nightstand…" Sirius whispered, choking on his words.
"Right-"
Sirius kissed her on the head. "I'm just- So sorry- I'll do anything to make it up to you."
"It's not your fault…"
"If you say so…" he sounded far from convinced.
"I say so," Claudia said and buried her face into Sirius' chest. "And I'm always right."
"Sure you are," he whispered and played with her hair. Feeling about a hundred pounds lighter, Claudia drifted off to sleep.
The following day, she went back to the shop as agreed with the shopkeeper. To her surprise, there was in fact a woman who told a story in Arabic, while the shopkeeper wrote it down and Claudia read it in English. She spoke of an oasis, some miles east, where the Sphinx came to drink. Claudia was dubious, especially as the woman's information did not come for free, but she had nothing to lose by going to check it out.
"Let me come with you," Sirius whispered as he watched her pack later that evening.
Claudia shook her head. "I need you to watch the shop in case they look like they're up to something fishy. I definitely do not want some kind of expedition following me." She threw more books into her bag. "And I need you to go to all the temples to see if you find any other clues. Because my hopes are not high-"
"Yes, ma'am," he grumbled.
Claudia spun back to face him. "I have my notebook with me. I will write to you all the time. And I promise to be back soon."
"Fine."
After sunset, Claudia borrowed a magic carpet from the shop and – following a couple of false starts and a minor crash - she flew low across the desert in the direction of the mysterious oasis. The magical map she was given guided her, which was just as well because the light of the moon was not strong enough for her to truly know where she was going. But eventually, she got there, pitched up her tent at the outskirts and cast all the protective charms she knew.
For two days, she sat by the foot of her tent and watched tourist, traders, crooks come a go and get up to all sorts. Day or night, however, there was no sign of the Sphinx. Claudia's patience stretched to two days in the oasis, before she gave up and flew back to Luxor.
When she pushed the door to their room open, a mild panic set in as the light was off. It was not that late… Where could he have been? But soon enough, Claudia saw Sirius' sleeping form passed out in bed. The bedside table was covered by cigarette buds and empty vials of sleeping draught. From the state of his face, it was clear that he had not shaved since she left.
Claudia unpacked, showered and – hoping he might still wake up – sat down in the bed next to him and unrolled some of her parchments to look for a new clue. But her concentration was in tatters. All she could do was to watch Sirius twitch in his sleep, his face suggesting that whatever he was dreaming of was not happy.
Just as she was about to give up on the reading, she noticed a footnote about a rocky area called Ad Dahhar near the coastal city of Hurgada. Claudia thought for a moment… She saw this name before. Yes! On the advertisement for the muggle tour! She sighed, she got taken for a fool once already, did she really want to do it to herself again? But she had no choice but to try and decided to go sign up to the tour first thing tomorrow.
In the morning, Sirius was in no mood to venture outside – or to have much conversation at all – so they had room service for breakfast – and Claudia went out into the town alone.
The minute she found the muggle tour, she regretted ever thinking this was a good idea. The guide spoke in a broken English and his talk was ridden with contradictions and untruths. The bus was uncomfortable and hot, and her fellow passengers seemed to be the worst of muggles. Uninformed and uninterested in anything other than their packed lunch. Having certainly felt like she had wasted a day, she took one last look at the rocky area she spent the last couple of hours exploring, when she noticed some bones scattered across the ground.
"What bones are those?"
"Looks like goat-" one of her fellow tourist remarked. "I've got a farm back home and these certainly look like goat…"
Claudia stopped listening. Desperate to prove to herself she had not completely lost her touch, she peeled away from the group and hid behind a rock formation. She was prepared to cast a confundus charm on the guide not to look for her, but his incompetence played into her hands. He had clearly just forgotten to check how many passengers were on his bus before setting off.
Soon enough, it began to get dark… Claudia wrote a quick message to Sirius and then paced and paced. It must have been nearly midnight, when she turned around and nearly jumped out of her skin.
In front of her was a majestic Sphinx-
"You look English-" the beast said in the most matter of fact tone. Her beautiful features were lit by the faint light of the moon.
Claudia blinked a few times. Then, desperate to make a good impression, she bowed. "I am from the British Ministry of Magic."
The Sphinx narrowed her eyes. "You want something."
"I am here on behalf of the Minister himself, who would like to invite you to grace an important, international tournament with your presence."
"In what capacity?"
"In whatever capacity you desire." That was a much more elegant way of saying 'we have no fucking clue'.
The Sphinx thought for a second. "I will agree to this proposition upon one condition."
"A riddle…" Claudia straightened her robes, she was expecting this.
"Not a riddle, riddles are for tourists," the Sphinx said with a gentle snort. "There is an amulet I want. An archaeologist stole it from me and placed it in the Egyptian Museum in Cairo. Get it for me, and I will participate in your tournament."
"Understood."
Armed with a detailed description of the amulet, and a promise that the Sphinx will be waiting in this exact spot in a fortnight, Claudia apparated back to Luxor.
When she stuck the key in the door again, she hoped with all her heart that Sirius was not asleep this time. She missed him desperately and she needed to share the good news.
"Where have you been?" he hissed the moment she stepped into the room. "The tour got back hours ago. I've waited-"
"I stayed behind," she said and put her hand on his chest. His heart was racing. "The Sphinx was actually there! Would you believe it?"
"I thought-" he trailed off and sat down on the bed. "I thought something happened to you."
"I sent you a message in the notebook," she added. "Didn't you check it?"
Sirius, who has gone completely pale, shook his head. "I'm not really with it…" he whispered. "Haven't been for days."
"Do you want to-" Claudia began to say but did not get to finish her question.
"How did it go with the Sphinx?" he interrupted.
Claudia looked for him for a few seconds but decided not to push him. Nothing good ever came from forcing Sirius to confront his feelings. He needed to get there himself.
"I have to go to Cairo to find an amulet. But if I do, the Sphinx will come to the Tournament."
Sirius gave her a smile so forced, he looked like his jaw might dislodge. "Hopefully, that will be smooth sailing."
"I don't have to go right now, I have a couple weeks-"
"You should go, I'll be fine," he replied. "It's not a long trip, is it?" he added in a distinctly uncool tone.
"I need to take the train…"
"I'd come with you-"
Claudia shook her head. "We cannot risk you getting caught. Besides, we can't take Buckbeak and you can't leave him here either."
"You're right…"
A sleepless night and a heart wrenching goodbye later, Claudia was on the train again. Once in Cairo, she gave herself a day to case the museum and find the amulet in one of the display cases. All that was left was to throw the invisibility cloak over her head and wait.
Claudia hoped to pass time by messaging with Sirius, but he's been either giving her monosyllabic answers, or ignoring her completely, and her time passed slower as a result. Eventually, the last visitors have gone home, and Claudia was free to leave her hiding place, get the amulet out of the protective casing and get home- Stealing from muggles was child's play. Or so she thought-
As she approached the case, the room began to fill with smoke. What was this? She turned her head but saw nothing. She heard enchantments though-
She glanced at the cabinet, and it was empty.
"Fuck," she hissed and looked around the room again for whoever it was that took it right under her nose. Then, out of the smoke, emerged a figure. A very familiar figure. Fabian?! What magic was this? She threw a couple of spells at it but somehow, it fought back - with a wand, and an English accent.
"Stop! I want no trouble," the ghost shouted through the smoke.
"What are you?" Claudia yelled back, half determined just to run away and not have to deal with magic that dredged up her memory deep enough to find Fabian.
"Bill," the shadow yelled back. "Bill Weasley. I'm here on Gringotts business."
"Oh-" Well, that was embarrassing, Claudia thought and lowered her wand. "Not a ghost then-"
A young man emerged from the cloud of smoke. He looked even more like Fabian than before. "A ghost?"
"You look like someone I knew."
"My uncle Fabian?" he said with a smile. "Everyone always says-"
"You're Arthur's and Molly's son…" This was all beginning to make sense. Up to a point. Was she really that old that Fabian's nephew was now an adult?
"And I still have no idea who you are," he replied nonchalantly.
"Claudia Avery, Department of Mysteries."
"Presume you're after this?" Bill looked at what he was holding in his hand. "Must be valuable, this amulet, if they sent the Head of Department."
Even from the distance, Claudia knew they were after the same thing. "It's not valuable as such, just essential to the Minister's plans," she said. Or rather essential to fulfilling the Minister's ridiculous boyhood dream… That thought, however, she kept to herself. "And I'm not the Head of the Department, the Prophet got that wrong."
"Gringotts' been after this for years. They want to examine it. Rumours are that it's goblin-made."
Claudia was not really inclined to negotiate with this child. "Do you have a permit from the Egyptian Ministry of Magic to be here?"
Bill grinned. "Do you?"
Claudia had to smirk at his brazenness. "Who do you think is more likely to get one if we get caught? Someone on a personal mission from the British Minister, or-" she paused for a second- "or a thief."
"Not fair-" Bill said and tossed her the amulet.
"Life isn't fair."
Just as Claudia placed the amulet into her pocket, a few barks carried through the empty corridors.
"Guard dogs," Bill whispered.
He did not have to say any more than that. Claudia gripped her cloak and her bag, and sprinted towards the nearest exit. Soon enough, they blasted their way out of the main door, found themselves out on a quiet street, walking - side by side -towards a busy marketplace. Blending with the crowd was by far the easiest way to disappear.
"Did you know my uncle well?" Bill asked as they were nearing the market.
"Yeah," Claudia replied, her heart still pounding from the earlier exertion. "Well enough to know I'd be dead if it wasn't for him…"
"How come?"
Claudia studied his face. The arrogance was gone, and his youth was showing. He was still a kid, merely interested in a long-lost family member. "I was there when he died," she said, finally. "Your uncle was killed, and I got captured," she swallowed dry. How foolish they all were to think that Claudia's father had a heart and let her go. They were letting Peter go, not her!
"What was he up to during the war?" Bill asked. "My parents never really talk about it-"
"He was in a resistance group, which brought together people from all walks of life. Ministry officials, journalists, aurors-"
"That would explain all the aurors at his funeral."
"It would…" she whispered, remembering full well she was one of them, and hoping Bill was too young to remember the spat that his mother and Claudia had over his uncle's coffin. She had no intention of telling him just how intimately she knew Fabian.
They were out in the market square now. "Do you want to grab dinner?" Bill asked. "It's nice to see a friendly face in these parts-" he paused and smiled. His confidence was back. "Or friendlier than the old blokes the Ministry usually sends."
Claudia laughed. "You wouldn't be saying that if you knew me."
"I'd take my chances," he said. "Dinner isn't going to hurt anyone."
"Unless you poison me and take that amulet back for yourself," she replied with a laugh.
"I wouldn't-"
"I need to get back," Claudia jumped in. "But I'm sure we'll meet again!"
"One can only hope…"
Amulet in her pocket, Claudia risked a bad splinch and apparated back to Luxor. To her surprise, she landed unharmed, and better still - Sirius was awake. But he looked pale and his laughter when she told him about Bill seemed a little forced. That in itself could have been explained by many things – jealousy for one – but together with the nightmares, the panic attack… There was only one explanation. "What's wrong?" she whispered.
"Nothing…"
"We both know that's a lie."
"You've been so happy, and-" he hid his face in his hands, unwilling, or perhaps unable, to continue.
"It's starting to wear off, isn't it?" Claudia whispered. "The high of freedom."
"I can't help it. While you were gone, I could barely get out of bed, yelled at one of the waiters for absolutely no reason…"
"Are you surprised, given what you've been through?"
"No, I just-" he looked at her through his fingers, and then collapsed into bed with an exasperated sigh.
"Just what?" she whispered and lied down next to him.
"I don't want to upset you. I don't want us to fight. I can't bear the thought of hurting you, and I know I will. Because that's who I am. I lose control, I act like an arse, and I say things I don't mean."
"Don't say that-"
He shook his head and continued. "It's true… Do you remember me yelling at you to leave and never come back? Shouting that I didn't care if you did?" He shut his eyes tight. "I replayed that moment a million times in Azkaban. And I know this is where I'm heading again…" He sighed and finally looked at her. "And I don't want to. Because it's not true! It wasn't true then, and it won't be true now. I don't want to push you away, but I know I will."
She run her fingers through his hair. "I'm not exactly a bundle of sunshine and rainbows, am I? Whatever happens, however much we fight, I need you to know that I never want to live without you again." She paused for a second. "Let's take breaking up out of the equation. I'm not going to let you push me away. Whatever happens, always in it together."
"I don't want you to stay with me out of pity."
"It's not pity, you idiot. It's love. Keeping going without you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And I don't have it in me to do it again."
Sirius exhaled and hugged her. "I don't have it in me either…"
His arms closed around Claudia and her eyelids took that as a sign to become heavy… She was nearly asleep when she noticed that her arm was throbbing. I really need to look into this, she thought.
"What are you frowning about?" he whispered, as if he read her mind.
She run her fingers across his tattoo. Maybe he could read her mind- Who knew what this tattoo was capable of. "It's beginning to bug me that I don't understand the connection."
"Control freak-"
"Well," she scoffed. "Excuse me if I want to know why my soul is doing whatever it wants. Knowing you're alive, I can handle that. That's what we wanted. Feeling your pain? More than I bargained for-" she said bitterly.
Sirius took a breath. "I am sorry you felt the dementors all these years, I really am-"
"I think it's fair to say, it was worse for you. Besides-" she squeezed his hand in hers. "I told you to stop apologising."
"Alright," she said with a drained smile… "Let's go to bed."
Claudia hesitated, the pain in his face was now more obvious that it had been for some time. She did her utmost to push her tiredness aside. "Sirius – you will have to talk to me about Azkaban at some point, you know that, right?"
"I can keep it at bay…"
"How? By never sleeping? Never stopping to catch a breath?"
Sirius let out a short, sharp laugh… The sort of laugh that masked a lot of agony. "It was worth a try."
"You don't have to tell me now," she whispered and closed her eyes again. "But I am here when you're ready-"
Claudia hoped that the two weeks of they had before she was due to meet the Sphinx were going to be enough for Sirius to open up, and for both of them to figure out where to go from here. Returning to the Sandcastle was certainly an option. Sirius would be safe there, probably safer than he was here. But did she really want to run back and forth between the Sandcastle and London? Trying to steal every free minute to be with Sirius? Or was there a better way? A plan where they could actually be together, forever and always-
In an attempt to get him out of the hotel, Claudia got them tickets for a tour in the Valley of the Kings – it was fascinating, wondering around the tombs of long dead Egyptians, trying to spot signs of magic among all the muggle traditions and beliefs.
However, Sirius was having little fun.
"Fucking hate this," he hissed out of nowhere and forcefully tore his sandal off his foot. "Sand gets everywhere-" he added and tossed the sandal towards the temple. "I FUCKING HATE SAND!"
"What are you-" Claudia began to ask, but loud shouting in Arabic overshadowed everything. From every direction, an angry local was coming at them.
"Oh, you want to have a go at me?" Sirius hissed at the one nearest to him. "Over a shoe?" He rolled up his shirt sleeves and took a step forward.
"Stop looking for a fight," Claudia uttered and yanked him back.
"Quit mothering me," he yelled at her and shook her hand of his arm. "I don't need you," he added, pushed past the locals and hobbled away. It was not a dignified picture. He was unable to put much weight on his bare foot because the ground was so hot, but of course was too proud to admit it and go collect the shoe he had thrown away.
Here we go- Claudia though as she watched him limp away, the long overdue meltdown… Trying not to get his rejection get to her, she strolled back to the hotel.
Once she got there, Sirius was sitting on the steps leading up to the lobby, now completely barefoot. Without a word, Claudia sat down next to him.
"I'm not ready to talk…" he whispered. But some of the anger seemed to have gone.
"Do you want something to eat?"
"Shower-" he sighed. "I just need to wash all this fucking sand off me." He got up and walked just half a step ahead of her all the way to their room and then shut himself into the bathroom.
While Claudia waited trying to explain away his mood by the excessive heat and the fact they barely ate anything that day, she got an owl- "Great… They found me…" she whispered to herself as she opened the letter.
'The Head of the Egyptian Quidditch Federation is supposed to referee the World Cup Final. He is giving me a runaround. I heard rumours about someone – personally, I suspect Karkarov - putting him under Imperio. I need you to find him and confirm whether he's fit to referee the final. Enclosed are instructions to find and get into the Egyptian Ministry of Magic.'
Just as Claudia finished reading the letter, Sirius came out of the shower- She was terrified of showing him the owl. They have been here so many times before…
"What happened?" Sirius asked her, as he emerged, rubbing the towel through his hair.
"Nothing…" she replied swiftly.
"Then why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" he asked in a softer tone. A smile was coming through his eyes.
"I have to go to Cairo, again!" she said and passed him the letter.
"Quidditch World Cup referee under Imperio?" he asked as he skimmed the message. "I can see why this really is your dream job…
"But-"
"Dinner?" He interrupted and threw on a shirt.
"But are you-?"
He gently placed his hands on Claudia's shoulders. "I will be alright," he said with a smile. "I just need to stay away from the sand."
"Don't joke about it."
"Humour is all I have-"
"You have me…" she uttered, not willing to move on quite so quickly.
Sirius grabbed her hand– "And that doesn't change if you go to Cairo for a few days. I will be fine. Let's go eat."
The evening passed without further incident. In fact, it was rather nice. Like Sirius' outburst never happened…
Claudia woke up in the morning, hot, naked, and sticky with sweat. Sirius, still sleeping, had his arm wrapped around Claudia's torso. Reluctantly, she moved his hand off her hip and sat up. There was yet another empty bottle of sleeping draught on his bedside table. Well, at least that was helping, she thought and got up as quietly as she could. After she showered and packed, she stood over the bed, watching him.
If she could just wrap him in a soft blanket, ply him with healing potions and never leave, she would. No matter what he said. Right in this moment, this was the only thing she wanted to do. Her teenage self would have hated that she was prepared to give up everything she worked for, just like that… For a guy…
Powered by the guilt of even thinking that, she picked up a quill and scribbled a note on the bedside table.
'I'm off to Cairo on that Ministry errand. Should be back tomorrow – don't know any safe apparition places so have to take the train again - day after tomorrow at the latest.'
She looked at him again. She wanted to write more, but there was no way she could put what she was really feeling into words, so she gave up, picked up her bag and left.
Claudia followed Crouch's instructions to the Egyptian Ministry of Magic and got past the receptionist rather easily using her invisibility cloak. Shaking her head at the weakness of their security enchantments, she made her way to the offices of the Egyptian Quidditch Federation.
But Claudia's smugness did not last long, as the referee was nowhere to be seen. She waited all day, and nothing. So she resorted to sleeping in a caretaker's cupboard and stealing some poor sod's breakfast. And yet, there was no sign of the referee. If only she understood what everyone around her was saying or at least the spells they were casting – even the simplest of spells were different, based in Arabic, not Latin. The magical magnifying glass only translated written text, which was of no use.
She had convinced herself she was beginning to understand the locals when, finally, on the second evening, the referee strolled into his office.
Normally, Claudia would take it slow, follow him for a while. But her bones were aching from sleeping on the floor, and she was desperate to get back. So she quickly cast the counter-Imperio charm, and got ready to leave… But she froze even before she got over the threshold. It was not like her to do a half-arsed job… And since she was already here, she may as well do a thorough job of it. It was not going to take long.
She took out her Legilimency wand. "Imperio," she whispered, seeing if the referee could shake it off. He put up little bit of a fight but succumbed to the spell after a couple of minutes. She watched him rearrange his office as she would have liked it for ten minutes or so, before he started to put up any kind of resistance. As if another force was pulling him away from Claudia's instructions and towards something else. He took some heavy steps towards the door, threw on his cloak, and apparated…
"Damn," Claudia uttered. She wanted to search his memory to see if she could find anyone casting Imperio. For a few seconds, she debated whether she should stay and wait for him to come back, but the pull of Luxor proved to be too strong, and she used the fact that the Egyptian Ministry bizarrely lacked an apparition shield to apparate back.
Even though it was not yet eleven o'clock, Claudia found Sirius sleeping. She tiptoed around the room to write a note to Crouch – the owl that he sent her was still impatiently waiting on their balcony.
'I found no evidence that he's under Imperio. Although seemed like he could potentially be susceptible' – that was the level of detail she was prepared to go to. Yes, she had Fudge's favour but that would not likely help her if she admitted to using an Unforgiveable Curse in official Ministry correspondence. 'I recommend sending an auror or two to do constant surveillance.'
She sent the owl back to London and then climbed into bed. Just as she finally managed to drift off, she was woken up abruptly by searing pain across her face. Sirius was thrashing about, whimpering as if someone was slicing bits of him with a sharp knife.
"Sirius!" she uttered and tried to shake him.
His eyes shot open. But there was nothing behind them-
"Get away from me!" he yelled. A flailing arm hit Claudia in the face, this time scratching her.
"Wake up-" she pleaded, panicking somewhat. "Please!"
His arms dropped to his side. "Where are they-" he gasped, life returning to his face. "They were just-" he looked around, then sighed. "We're in Egypt."
Claudia nodded. "We're in Egypt…"
"What happened to your face?"
"Your fingernails-"
"I'm so sorry…" He shot up to sitting and scrambled for his wand. Without a word, he fixed her wound. "Are you ok?" he asked once he was done.
"I've had worse…"
He held her face in his hands. "I really am sorry. I would never-" he swallowed dry. "That's a line I would never cross, you have to know that."
"Do you want water?" she replied, brushing his arm.
Sirius hesitated for a second, then kissed her on the cheek. "I just need some fresh air." He climbed out of bed and wondered over to the open balcony.
Claudia was determined to give him a little bit of space, but that intention only lasted a few minutes. When he did not return in that time, she threw on one of his shirts and wandered off towards the balcony herself. Sirius was sat in the dark, watching the river shimmer in the light of the moon.
"I think it's time for you to talk-" she mumbled as she sat down next to him. "You cannot leave it any longer."
Claudia expected him to argue, to say he was fine, but he did not. "I want to…" he said instead. "But I don't know where to start…"
"Talk about anything… Doesn't have to be coherent, just start somewhere."
"I didn't mean to hurt you, I promise," he whispered, nearly in tears. "I was still asleep, I thought you were a Dementor…"
"I know…" She rested her head on his shoulder.
"But-"
"But what?"
"Sometimes, when I get angry or wake up from a nightmare, and I see your face. I feel this-" Sirius trailed off.
Looking at his face, Claudia knew exactly what he wanted to say. "Hatred…" she finished his thought.
"Hatred is a strong word," Sirius sighed, without denying it. "But all the Azkaban stuff comes back for a bit. And all the things that I saw there. How they twisted all the bad stuff that happened to us- But then, it washes away again. And I know that-" he paused, wiping his eyes. "That feeling is not me, that's Azkaban. Because my love for you has always been one of the few constants in my life. And every time you smile, I remember that."
Claudia squeezed his hand. She put on a brave face, but it was not easy to hear that there were moments when the love of her life hated her.
Sirius took a breath and continued. "But when you are not around, or the nightmare is about something else, it takes longer for the anger- the despair to wash away. It takes longer for me to sort out where Azkaban stops and I begin." He stood up and leaned against the stone railing of the balcony. "Sometimes, I don't even manage to work it out before another wave of it comes," he added in a whisper. "Sometimes it just consumes me."
Pushing herself up to standing, Claudia walked over to the edge of the balcony and placed her palm right in the middle of Sirius' bare back. His breathing was still shallow and quickened. "You will not get lost in it," she tried reassuring him. "You managed to stay true to yourself despite all the crap life threw at you - your mother, Reg dying, the war… You, the real you, always comes through."
"Maybe…" he shrugged. "But all that was child's play compared to Azkaban."
"Sirius, listen to me. I've never met anyone so insufferably true to themselves as you. It is still in you. No one could ever take your spirit away. No one."
He smiled as in to thank her. "What about my anger though? I've never been great at handling it… And now it just overwhelms me. And it's getting worse."
"There is stuff you can do to help that."
"I can hardly walk up to the door of that Ministry woman who helped me last time, can I?"
"She's probably dead anyway…"
"Great-"
"But I could teach you Occlumency."
"Heh? How's that going to help?"
"The whole point of Occlumency is to clear your mind of emotions, to let go off anger. It helps protect your mind from Legilimency, but I don't see why it wouldn't help protect your mind from itself too."
"Alright…"
"So-" she straighten herself up- "you have to…"
Sirius groaned and hugged her. "I love you, but I refuse to do schoolwork in the middle of the night. Let's get back to bed."
Somehow, Sirius managed to fall asleep quite quickly, breathing softly against Claudia's skin. But she was not so lucky. Her mind kept flicking between Sirius and the referee. She should have stayed behind, she should have searched his memory for any use of the Imperio curse… Then it struck her. She did not understand anything in Cairo! If Karkarov, if it was indeed him who wanted to influence the referee, compelled someone local… Surely, Imperio had an Arabic equivalent!
Unable to fall asleep for the rest of the night due to her mind swirling with possibilities, she got up early and dragged grumbling Sirius out of bed to come with her to the wizarding shop, which she raided for books on Legilimency, mind magic and dark arts. And later that day, reading in bed while Sirius stared at the ceiling next to her, she struck gold.
"Listen to this," she said, squinting over the magnifying glass. "Yamur- or something like that. I'm not sure this magnifying glass works on spells that well… Yamur spell allows the caster to control another individual completely. It can only be broken if the caster dies! And even then, the powers can be transferred from the original caster onto someone else if they defeat them in combat."
Sirius rolled over with a sigh. "Can't tell if you're excited or outraged by something this awful."
Claudia froze for a moment, realising that there probably was a touch too much excitement in her voice. "A bit of both?"
"Story of your life-" he grumbled.
"You are a ray of fucking sunshine today, aren't you?"
"Sorry-"
"Do you want to go out to eat?"
"Not really…"
"You do know I have to go back to Cairo now to see if he's under this spell, right?"
"I'll be fine…" he pre-empted her question.
"I'll apparate. Should be back within the hour."
Sirius grumbled something incomprehensible and went to sit on the balcony.
Hiding under the cloak, Claudia apparated straight to the referee's office. It was risky, but time was of the essence. This time, she only had to wait a few hours before he turned up. She was in no mood to mess about. She rolled up her sleeves, pointed her Legilimency wand at him, and dived right in.
Unsurprisingly, given that he did not seem that proficient at shaking off her Imperio, the referee succumbed quickly to Claudia's efforts. She focused on the Yamur spell and soon enough found a memory of it. It was in fact this spell that he was under. Which would explain the strange pull that Claudia felt when he acted against her Imperio earlier. Because it was not actually him, it was the spell, pulling him in a different direction.
Claudia left the referee be – as her research suggested, short of killing the caster, there was not much she could do – and apparated back to Luxor. Now, all was left to do was to tell Crouch he needed to find another referee, which was news he would certainly not welcome this late in the day.
Just as she wondered how she would get the message to Crouch, another owl from him had arrived, beckoning her to go to Alexandria to fix one of the secure portkeys.
As she ranted about it, Sirius placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"You know you don't have to go-"
"I know…" she sighed, determined to forget all about Crouch, the World Cup and the Ministry for as long as she could. "Want to try some Occlumency?"
"Sure…" But Sirius soon came to regret his willingness. Predictably, he was terrible at keeping his emotions in check, and even worse at not getting frustrated about it. After ten minutes of his complaining how boring Occlumency was, Claudia gave up and went to bed.
That night, neither of them could sleep.
"What do you want to do?" Sirius whispered.
"About Alexandria?"
"About everything…"
"Honestly?" she replied, staring at the ceiling. "I want to quit, travel the world with you and spend my life studying Legilimency." She could not quite believe the words coming out of her own mouth.
"Isn't that a bit extreme? You love the Ministry…"
"Maybe- maybe I could just do it for a bit, you know… Take a sabbatical."
"Have you thought it through?"
"Not really…" she sighed.
"You'd be so bored-"
She turned to him. "Maybe… But I feel like it would be the best thing for the both of us… I could use the break, and you need-"
"I need you to be happy-" he interrupted and squeezed her in his arms. "You are not happy when you're bored."
"I think that being alone for twelve years makes you reevaluate what happiness means…"
Sirius sighed and kissed her hair. "Why don't you sleep on it."
So, Claudia did sleep on it. But was none wiser by the morning. Maybe a breakfast would help, she thought before spotting a brown owl perched on her balcony. What did Crouch want now? She tore off the message.
'The Sphinx is not worth Barty self-destructing. Forget it, the referee and the Alexandria portkey. You are needed back in London. Urgently. Cornelius.'
Claudia groaned. If she was to ignore this, there was no coming back.
Sirius crept up beside her and kissed her shoulder. "I'm not letting you quit the Ministry for my sake."
"But what if I want to?"
"Go back, deal with the World Cup, and if you still feel that way after it's over, I'll be the first one to celebrate."
"Alright…"
"I'll miss you though."
"We still have one more day. I'm not leaving without closing the deal with the Sphinx."