Chapter 3

There was no telling how much time had passed since Pansy had fallen into Tracey's arms. All she knew was in an instant her hand had found her wand and she fluidly cast a silencing charm over Pansy's room.

They had fallen into sitting by the window, the smaller girl still enveloped in the taller girls' arms and Tracey reserved herself to remain there for as long as Pansy needed to finish the outpour.

Sometime later Tracey now sat on Pansy's bed, Pansy on her window with a cushion clutched to her chest. Eventually it was Pansy that spoke first, opening a doorway between the girls that both would never have considered before.

"I'm sorry", her voice sounded scratchy and low, but she was composed and finally meeting Tracey's eyes, "thank you for being… so kind, I know I've never done anything to deserve it".

It took Tracey a while to sort out how she wanted to take everything in and process it all. The breakdown of Pansy Parkinson and in such a private setting was a hard enough thing to understand, but her politeness was almost unnerving. Tracey was half-blood and more or less raised muggle, but she knew about 'Manners', or at least the almost forced tradition of pure blood manners. They didn't mean snot to her and many others but even in a place like school, they were as sacred as if they were amongst family and pure blood elders, Tracey figured this was Pansy's seeping through.

"I'm not going to belittle whatever this is and pass it off with an, 'it's ok' or 'you're welcome'". She gave herself a moment to decide how direct she was going to be and just how deep she was willing to go. Taking a breath, she dead eyed Pansy. "Pansy, I'm not going to sit here and act like a caring friend. I want to know what's going on and why you've been so far removed from your usual self".

Pansy said nothing and Tracey paused allowing herself time to think about her words. "We both know were not friends and I can honestly say that until now I've never seen anything that's ever prompted me to want to be". Again, she paused, again no response. "And that's not what this is, an attempt to start being friends. But Pansy, I'm really concerned". "Now, I think you know enough about me to know I'm not into gossip and I'd probably say I'm invested enough as your dorm mate to at least cover my arse", Tracey gave one last telling glare before continuing, "Now we can talk, or I can report what I've seen to a professor…as a concern".

Pansy was, even at the time of hearing everything Tracey had to say, still an emotional wreck. That wasn't to say that her head wasn't taking note of everything and in particular, all the nonverbal cues Tracey gave off. So much so that by the end Pansy's brain, or whatever part that was functioning the most said, 'well, welcome to the table Miss Davis', in a bizarre bout of admiration for the girl. She immediately found the missing piece of the puzzle with Tracey after years of not really understanding why she was here, in Slytherin. This had proven quite a little insight.

She supposed Tracey wanted to help which was understandable, but not a very Slytherin thing to do, unless there was some obvious gain to be had. But primarily, she wanted 'information', and what was more impressive was the way she was going about it and how she conducted herself. She had drawn a clear and unapologetic line in the sand, drawing attention to them not being friends, shed light on her own self-preservation when referring to covering her own rear and used an amount of cunning with the subtle threat at the end with her ultimatum… Information, knowledge, and self-preservation through cunning and ill-gotten means. 'Every bit the Slytherin', Pansy thought with admiration.

"How much control do I have that this stays with you", Pansy finally spoke, her voice still just a course whisper.

"You don't", warned Tracey, spoken with as much compassion as when she had sat soothing the girl. "But how else do you build trust". "And I have a feeling you've never had reason to really trust before".

Pansy nodded, "Ok then", she wiped her stinging eyes as she took a deep shuddering breath before the plunge. "I've been forced to waste years being in love with a boy who has no time for me, I have no friends who… well", she laughed miserably, "I have no friends". She had to close her eyes and breathed again for a moment, "I've realised I have no one…and I've never been lonelier". Now that it was out and Pansy's own words fed back to her as they hung in the air, it sounded stupid to her. The phrase a lot of fuss over nothing came to mind, but in her heart if felt much worse than her simple statement sounded and now that it was indeed out and to this stranger, she'd never felt more vulnerable.

The silence after Pansy's confession was more prominent as a sound like a surf could be heard from outside, the usual sign that a heavy rainfall was hitting the surface of the lake.

In the end Tracey stood, picking up the blanket off Pansy's bed. She walked back over to the window seat, after a second Pansy took the hint and moved over. The two sat facing each other, both propped up by cushions and both clutching a hefty amount of blanket to their chest. Finally, Tracey spoke and again her voice was soft but now just a whisper. "So, tell me".

It took some time but eventually Pansy started and once she started it was hard to stop and when she couldn't stop, she snowballed and when she couldn't get a hold on that it turned into an avalanche. Pansy was telling the girl everything, everything that hurt and pricked at her in a way that was almost too painful to admit even to herself, now laid bare to this stranger.

She started with Draco, something which wasn't news to Tracey or anyone on the northern hemisphere. But that was where it stopped being old news. Tracey had no idea the lengths in which Pansy had been tortured just to be close to the boy. Tracey had always presumed the story had started when a girl met a boy but was horrified to learn, she'd been groomed by her own farther to be nothing more than a lure to, 'bag a Malfoy', and by the sounds of it, it was an all or nothing deal. Honour, Prestige, and wealth for her family or, as she was constantly reminded, she was to be cast aside. The more she went on the more Tracey felt for the girl. Pansy started her Hogwarts life under the strict instructions to make the Malfoy boy hers. Apparently, the marital link to such a name and the idea of a fat dowry in her father's favour were too much for him to give up on. But the Parkinson name hadn't lost its standing but an approach from her farther, Arachnus to Lucius Malfoy was apparently laughable to him in their current state without some levity from the boy. Tracey learnt that only Pansy's fathers' idea to have his daughter sway the boy into making him demand the match to his own father was the only way to pull the Parkinson name, and mostly its coin purse back up. And so, every summer holiday it got harder, harsher, and more abusive for Pansy as each year she was labelled a failure and forced to try harder.

Pansy confessed that she had always had an understanding that she was ugly and wasn't able to easily, 'turn it on', with Draco. Tracey was spared the need to tell Pansy that she wasn't ugly when she herself admitted that puberty had been hitting her like a train over the past few months in particular. There was a definite truth to this, Tracey thought. Gone was the girls puggy little face. She had grown a sharper thinner jawline that defined her delicate neck, the girl's porcelain skin was breath taking in the green glow. Her face, while still dark and shallow around the eyes, was softer and sweeter, if anything it gave her a sultry look. And then there was pansy's figure which was filling out in all the places a girl usually grew, she wasn't lacking in any areas. She had even taken to growing her sleek black hair out. Tracey managed to point most of this out to Pansy when she was able to slip the odd bit in here and there which brought a few small hiccups of laughter.

Tracey's real blow to the stomach on Pansy's behalf was hearing of the Yule Ball the year before. How this had single-handedly been the most anticipated night of her life, finally being on Draco's arm, as his date to the dance. Her emotions were sky high as they danced and talked like a real couple, finally. Only for the evening to be destroyed when she had gone outside to look for him and found he was wrapped, arms and tongue with Daphne Greengrass. It had destroyed her to the point where she had never truly gotten over it. This was made worse by the fact that they had seen her there, stumbling upon them both. Daphne was horror struck but Draco acted so nonchalant about it all. The days and weeks after this she had spoken to Daphne, as they had to share a dorm and she had cleared the air, played the part of the non-caring ice queen who wasn't bothered by what she found. "Draco and I have an open thing", she'd waved it all off saying to Daphne.

She chuckled darkly to Tracey, "but Draco and I had a nothing thing", her eyes, red and sore by now were also looking sad and tired. She went on to say how, in public and with Draco, she carried on playing the part of his doting female friend. Happy to put up with anything and everything, inside she died a little with each day. Then she told Tracey about the holidays. How the brutal verbal abuse her farther, now worse than ever, had not been the worst of her issues. It was finally seeing that she had allowed herself to be discarded, used, and trodden on, not by Draco but herself. To be the third wheel in a relationship that didn't exist and a boy she wasn't, as of yet, involved with. This wasn't to say that he was innocent in any of it, she had been led to believe she was more than what she appeared to be. He had kissed her a number of times with the odd playful fondle which had her believing in them. But looking back she decided that she had been nothing but a doll for him to practice on, but to her each sparse occasion was just enough to keep her hoping.

This all meant that while she usually had a summer of terror at home she at least had the idea of Draco and the gang to return to, to excitedly count down the days until she was with him. This summer though, she had spent all her time torturing herself, going over every detail of the previous four years and belittling herself for being such a fool. What her farther hadn't berated her with, she took it upon herself to do it for him. It had been so bad that she almost had no single thought of appreciation for herself left.

She further knocked her own confidence by applying the same thought process to her group of friends. She looked at the envelope that Tracey brought in, "I haven't had mail off any of them since our Second year. I guessed I only had myself to blame, I'm a horrible person". She looked back into Tracey's eyes expecting a flutter of denial at that statement, she was half impressed when Tracey remained silent. "But I can't think of anyone in that group that's not also a complete…arsehole…", she trailed off with a smile.

"Your 'friends…'", Tracey thought about this for a second, "are who you've chosen to align yourself with, aren't they?".

Pansy nodded almost manically with a smile. "Yep", she laughed, "I've only myself to blame".

"That's not what I'm getting at", Tracey leaned forward, "what would you take right now if you could have it, if the stars aligned", Tracey raised an eyebrow, making sure Pansy knew it was a tease and not her trying to patronise her with meaningless philosophy.

"Am I to say Draco? Ha! definitely not", she cackled heartily, "I think that ship has sailed, don't get me wrong", Pansy sighed, "it hurts…like it 'really' hurts. But I think I'm strong enough to tell myself it really has sailed; I don't want that for myself anymore". Tracey nodded at this but remained silent, "If I had anything…". She pondered for a moment, and when it hit her, she decided she could slap Tracey for playing her. "This, I would want this", she said softly.

Tracey laughed, "were not friends Parkinson, I doubt anyone would want a friend as bad as you".

Pansy threw a pillow at her and got one back in the face and twice as hard for her trouble. Pansy had never had a night or an encounter like this, it was eye opening and definitely sad to realise she could have this kind of relationship if she'd only walked a slightly different path. She also had never engaged with another girl who wasn't afraid of her, and like Tracey, give it her back twice as much, it was refreshing.

When another silence stretched Tracey broke it. She had an idea now and she wasn't stopping until the other girl caught on. "So?"

"So", Pansy replied slowly, "so I want this, badly. I want someone who wants to sit by my side".

Tracey stood up, making Pansy jump, "Ok", Tracey said as she walked over to the bed. She picked up the black envelope and returned, tossing it onto Pansy's lap. "So let's get you a friend".

"What?", Pansy looked at it in disgust, "you're kidding!".

Tracey looked around with a hand to her brow, a sort of over hill and under foot pantomime gesture, "Yes because, I can clearly see you've got friends to spare". Dropping the mocking she grabbed Pansy's hand in a very meaningful way, "I'm sorry to tell you this again Pansy but no one is falling over themselves to come be your friend. There is no que to join the Parkinson club and to be quite honest I'd be surprised if you could make friends with someone without scarring them for life". Tracey ducked the next cushion. "So, whoever the unfortunate sod it is that you've picked up, lets use them. Its anonymous and who says you're ever going to have to meet them or point yourself out to them.

Pansy spun the little envelope in her fingers listening.

"At worst you make a pigs ear of it and someone in the castle thinks, well I got a nutter, but who'll know you're the nutter".

"What would I say?"

"I don't know but look at everything you've said to me tonight", Tracey tilted her head, "would you have imagined you could ever tell anyone all… this", she pointed to everywhere. "And has your world ended because of it, no. But you were bloody brave Pansy and all joking aside I have so much more respect for you than I ever thought I would".

As hard as she tried, Pansy couldn't hide the act of wiping away a tear.

"So", Tracey rushed her, alleviating her from her own head, "let's see what you're working with".

Pansy opened the letter and lay it down on the bed, "I can already see just from the one message you're a massive hunt…".

"Arhh", Tracey said looking down, "that's unfortunate", she cocked her head and nodded, "but clever, the way they got around the Censoring Charm like that". Tracey looked up smiling, "but see, they already know you so well", she ducked another cushion.

A/N

I just need to say how I love Tracey's character and how much I owe her in this story. She was able to really kick some lighter notes in effortlessly and from what started as just using a Canon name to bring some more width briefly, ended up being someone I adore. There's a lot of the attitude and confidence from my youth in her and she's a riot.