Chapter 19

Ron marched his way up to Harry and Hermione, shoving them apart as he did. It was rude and obvious what he was doing, but necessary.

"Hey!" Harry said angrily.

"Hey yourself!" Ron hissed to them both as he came in between them. "You haven't realised you we're holding hands I take it!"

"Oh, right, thanks", Harry ground out.

Ron felt bad for him, but at the same time this needed to happen. Both the stopping of their secret being found out and the cause of his bad mood, which had been deteriorating even further. That being on this occasion, that after many nights of meithering Harry and with much snogging from Hermione to bring him around, he had agreed to meet a few, likeminded people in the Hog's Head.

In truth Ron could tell even Harry thought it went well, or at least better than expected. He and his brothers had to reinforce their presence to the group once or twice when they got irritated with the crowd for asking too much of Harry with questions relating to last year and Cedric. But once they had left Ron had been looking for it, Harry and Hermione's reaction. He thought it quite a thing in honesty, that their first action was to seek out the other for reassurance. But they weren't alone and all the students who'd gathered to hear their proposal had also bled out onto the street and Ron knew it wouldn't take more than one to see them holding hands before the rumour mill went into meltdown.

But it was the next few days that began to quicken the pace around the castle, and for himself, Harry and Hermione in particular.

'Educational Decree Number Twenty-Four', this had been Umbridge's retaliation for their meeting. Banning all groups, societies, clubs, teams, and organisations, it had the school going into meltdown.

Ron had a half mind to applaud the toad on it as he listened to Harry and Hermione hissing everyone else away who'd came streaming over to them. Ron was listening as they speculated the how's and whos' of what Umbridge knew of the gathering, but he concentrated on watching her.

Umbridge, he saw, was sat with that same smug toad face as she stared at them. Unlike the other day with the Prophet's story, today she sat with her eyes fixed on them in a clear display of dominance.

Ron noticed that the smile on her face was well aimed and solely for Harry's benefit, on a personal level to break him. Then he noticed she turned to her left and gave the same decadent smile to the Slytherin's. Not understanding why she would go that, he traced her eyeline until he found her staring directly at Parkinson, Davies and the other three in their group.

When he took them in, his smile fell and was replaced with a look of confusion, a quick glance at Umbridge showed that the look on her face had gone too and was replaced with one as confused as his own.

The girls who usually always sat opposite each other, were sat in a single line in the same side, the side facing Umbridge. Then he noticed that they were clearly holding themselves as straight backed and upright as they could. Each of them sat completely frozen, each with their hard fixed at the point where she sat gawping at them.

At first, he thought they had a look of Owl's about them, sat as they were. Then on noticing their faces he decided that Hawk's was a more apt and menacing description. Each girl had her fixed with a deadly glare that didn't relent and didn't falter. He thought it was eerily threatening and as he saw Umbridge had begun to turn red, anger, no, loathing seemed to stray onto her face.

He was vaguely aware of Hermione hissing at him, asking him what he was staring at. Smiling he turned to her and said, "I think she's picking fights with more than just Harry and Dumbledore". He led her eyes to Umbridge who was still beading at the Slytherin girls with hate, until she glanced back in their three's direction. Ron's smile widened and he grinned at her, offering her a tiny wave that sent her now ever-changing face into spasm.

After the morning of Umbridge's latest order, Ron found his days were mixed with homework, general quidditch practice with only Harry while Angelina waited to hear back from her application to Umbridge to reinstate the Gryffindor team, more homework, planning the challenging details of how they would go about Harrys lessons, more homework and then, more homework.

It wasn't until the morning of the first meeting where Harry was gifted the knowledge of the Room of Requirements by a helpful Dobby that they finally had their location.

Ron wanted to make sure he had this place locked in his memory bank and a full understanding of how it worked as the whole place as a concept seemed too mind blowing.

The first meeting was a bit of a trial as Harry found his feet in what Ginny had smartly suggested Dumbledore's Army as their official title for the newly labelled DA meetings. Harry had to win over the crowd which wasn't easy as it seemed to be some sort of unknown power that they had come to witness. What magic the Boy who Lived had up on them all, only to be lumbered with going over the basics, but he had his mates back, along with Hermione. If they wanted to run, they had to walk. And this wasn't just about learning to pass their exams, as Harry had put it, this was about avoiding death if the time came. He didn't even think he could get his head to take that on board, let alone those who weren't that close to Harry.

But Harry had shown himself an excellent teacher and moreover, while it wasn't smooth and polished, the meeting, as a first lesson was pretty good and served to put a bit more of a smile on his mate's face. As a reward, Ron decided to announce to them both he needed to head to the Common Room quickly and left them alone so they could, reward each other.

Ron caught up with Ginny as she walked with Luna. He smiled to his little sister as he reached her and the two went back and forward with her. Then Ron took stock of Luna, he regretted coming over instantly.

It wasn't that Ron didn't like Luna, if anything it was the opposite. She seemed really taken with him and would focus on him within a group, just as she had in the meeting. She unnerved him in a way that excited him, she was very pretty and in a way that other girls weren't. It was a completely innocent boldness but all the same, something that he found overly interesting.

"Is there anyone you're not into", Ginny said disapprovingly as they parted ways with Luna and the other Ravenclaws that attended.

"How the hell did you get to that, I haven't said two words to her", he said incredulously.

"Exactly, your obviously not obvious with her. You'd flirt with a room of my friends and not say a single word to her".

"I don't know how girls' heads work; seriously how did you even get that. So, your too one way and its obvious, too far the other way and its obvious. Tell me, is there any way to be that's not obvious!"

"Not when it comes to you dearest. Hermione, Luna and Parkinson, you like them weird don't you!"

Ron didn't know which bit of that statement to retort except for the most obvious. "Hermione's not weird, is she?"

"For future reference," Ginny said with a smirk, "should they be in ear shot, the correct question would have been, 'They're' not weird, are they? Much more brownie points if you don't inadvertently admit that someone is in fact weird by process of elimination". She allowed a moment to enjoy the perplexed look on his face. "And, as much as I'm very much trying to be in the here and now with Hermione and not hold onto, everything. But you're kidding, right? Hermione is So! the weirdo of Gryffindor! No ones that smart! And then there's the things she does, I mean SPEW, come on Ron. Maybe it's a muggle born thing, I don't know, but she's odd to say the least".

"Not that your being rude of course!"

"Of course, I'd defend her right to the end to be odd, I'm just saying you can't deny it. Then theirs Luna and obviously she's, out there, but she own's it, you know? I think it's why I like her so much; she couldn't care less what anyone thinks".

"And Pan…Parkinson?"

Ginny didn't speak, she just looked up at him with a cocked eyebrow which said more than she needed to.

"So, who are you obvious not obvious on at the moment then". Ron pulled a face and whined, "actually I'm not sure I'd handle knowing that".

"Oh, I could wind you up something rotten big brother", she laughed as she whacked him, "well…Corner's been meithering me for a while and he isn't the ugliest I've seen so, who knows".

"Corn...Michael Corner? Are you taking the…".

Ginny cackled under his red mist gaze, "well, in future, mind your own business".

After much huffing they reached Gryffindor.

"I'm not tired", Ron moaned, "late night sneak onto the pitch for a game?".

Ginny gave it some consideration but resisted saying she on the other hand was tired. After that Ron made to head quickly back to the Room of Requirements to see if Harry fancied it.

Pansy continued to circle the entrance to the dungeon follow through as she had for the previous five minutes. She had done so in preparation of the meeting she'd arranged with Draco which was meant to be located within the lonely corridor, for now she was edging closer and closer to walking on to the encounter.

It wasn't that she was psyching herself up to meet him so much as gathering enough of her resolve that she'd believed she'd need to prove Tracey wrong. After seeing Draco the morning that he accosted her, Tracey began to dig as soon as they were alone and the two of them argued their way through a number of heated arguments. They both secretly thought it quite a thing that either one now felt strength enough in their relationship to not back down to the other. They were proficient enough at it by now that they were particularly good at profanity and insults without it harming the friendship. In fact, the more unpleasant they got with each other, the more it seemed to cease the fight and bring about mutual amusement.

But on this last time before Pansy left, Tracey went to begging her to not go alone. Pansy had attributed it to the girl being scared to lose her back to the boy and that group of friends. Pansy thought it ridiculous, but then again, she knew that grounding herself in reality, she didn't know anything when it came to the boy.

Pansy realised she'd already left the entrance and began walking the abandoned walk while she had been deep in her train of thought. As usual the mist swirled around her feet in its thick form, an almost physical substance or soup of pale shimmer and ghostly light. The candles that floated overhead, few and far between, lit the way into a dark path that most never dared enter.

She took what she hoped would be a positive breath as she saw a ball of light in the distance, recognising it as Draco's magic. His little orb levitating overhead to cast more light, she knew he detested the dark.

"Pansy", he breathed her name with the slightest relief, she knew he hated this spot, which was good, she wanted to level the field as much as she could, still worried he might have a pull over her.

"Draco", she smiled, she began to show a face she'd secretly been practicing in the mirror a number of times. She was desperate to master a look of indifference that she was determined to display to him. She didn't want to have him believe she was there to lead him on or show any signs of fear or weakness.

This was easier said than done as he stood smiling down at her with the most pleasing of coolness across his face. Before she could stop him, she was pulled into him, and she found his arms locking as he embraced her. It was a friendly hold from him, one which seemed genuine for two who had been friends for so long, to suddenly being estranged.

From where she was being held, her nostrils filled with an intense floral note from his neck. It was strong and brought a flood of old factory memory's back to her of them both being so inseparable. The hairs on the back of her neck pricked as she realised the embrace was lingering and his head was dipping. She felt him nuzzle her cheek in passing towards her neck and her eyelids lulled as she recalled further memories of his fingers roaming her neck and his tongue pushing into her mouth. The memory brought with it a wave of desire for him as well as a forceful push of reality that this was what she was fighting to repent from.

With that she gently pushed him back, "It's good to see you", she said softly while trying to control the awful pace of her heart.

Draco pulled away and leaned back against the wall he had been stood against as she approached. "Why does it have to be good to see you in the first place? And not just me and you back to seeing each other all the time" he pouted as he looked her up and down.

"Time changes perceptions Draco", she spoke slowly to allow herself to answer honestly, "I've changed, what I want from the people around me has changed".

"I know one thing that's changed", he said quietly, "you look so good Pansy, I can't take my eyes off you". Before she had time to even process, he very quickly added, "not that you didn't always, I just mean that I know now that I didn't appreciate you as I should".

Pansy was taken aback by his words, it sounded very sincere, but then she saw a flicker of mischief in his smile, "I didn't come to fool around", she bit back sternly.

"No?", now he pouted for real, Draco didn't like not getting his own way," so you just came to tell me you've outgrown me, I know I've been neglectful and poisonous but that wasn't a reflection of how I felt for you".

Pansy blinked at him, she had flirting, fooling around, waves of apologising finished with begging as possibilities for how he might act. Especially from what she had taken from their last encounter where he seemed to think it was all for him. But now, up close, she could see his face lined with pain as he spoke. She was sure he was still there to try and win but lashing out, with true emotion spilling out wasn't something she'd planned on.

"I think were bad for each other", she again tried to shoot straight from her feelings. "And let's be honest we've danced around this for a long time and nothings ever come from it. I just think…".

"You just think I'm only interested in you now I can't have you", he was defiant in not allowing his emotions to spill over. "And you mean you think I'm bad for you, there's a difference".

"Draco, please. I don't think that. I think I've been the one to let you use me and that's on me too-…".

"Use you!" His voice wavered from angry to strained as he stepped forward towards her, "I never used you, I wouldn't".

She froze as he moved forwards, she let him take her hand as she stared up at him. "We, we could have had something but all we ever did was mess about".

"We still could, I mean, we did, we were", he shook his head and Pansy was surprised to notice that even he didn't seem to know what it was he wanted to say to her. "Wait, is this about Daphne?"

Pansy couldn't hide the flare of her nostrils as the thought brought more memories, she'd passed this, with the girl, but her and Draco had never spoken about it.

"I, well…".

Draco stepped closer to her, "Pansy it didn't mean anything, I like her, but I like you more".

"You didn't like me enough to just have me", she accused.

"Pansy I can't just admit I wouldn't stray, that's why we were never serious, I couldn't. But that was then and now, well I'm older, you don't know how I could be for you if…".

Draco paused and his pupils dilated as he stared at her. In her mind he was already pushing through her defences as he spoke. "He's right", she thought in betrayal of herself, "if I can change who's to say he can't too, who's to say he wouldn't love me".

She was pulled out of her head by him as he stepped back, "I led you on", he spoke with a puzzled expression that told her this was a true realisation, "Millie was right, I have put my own want before your needs, I didn't realise".

An appreciation for Millicent grew in her, for being there for her perhaps longer than she'd realised. "I, look….", she faltered again and again. In a moment that stretched she realised that he was finding words to convince her, and she was finding arguments to convince herself.

With anxiety in abundance but a patience that was wearing thin she released the serpent in her and allowed herself to act, to strike. She stepped forwards and grabbed his collar, pulling herself up onto her toes she forced her lips to his and shut her eyes. In the dark she could feel her heart thundering in her throat, his cold thin lips pushing back to hers. Draco's arms slid around her waist as he clamped her to him, she could feel his arousal instantly flare and press against her.

The first thing she vaguely became aware of was that she was still forcing her eyes shut. There was a clandestine effort in the way they were squeezing tightly, as though desperate to not allow light through. It forced a stream of black and white spots to blur in the darkness. Then she realised that her heart, that had threatened to blow an artery, had begun to slow its rhythm. The thrill she was riding with him only moments before, didn't seem to be there as the wave of excitement that she searched for, vanished.

With surprise she realised that there was no effort needed in breaking the kiss, no protest or willingness to keep going from Draco. As they parted lips they took a step back, Pansy felt she ought to be confused but the realisation was already there, she just hadn't accepted it.

She saw his pale smooth, flawless complexion. She knew its taste having only just sampled it, this implied it wasn't as delicious as she once believed it to be. Then there was his frame, she had just felt his rippling body under his clothes, his muscles were tight against his skin, she knew this seeing him with his top off before now. The pale god, as she'd thought him. Pansy realised that it seemed all wrong. Like his towering height that she remembered, it now seemed false. He was slim framed, quite the fine physique but like his height, it wasn't what she expected now she was there with him. She thought he'd be bigger, wider, somehow so vast it quickened a frightened arousal in her.

She scoffed softly as she realised, already wanting to hit Weasley despite him not even being there, "You've ruined me", she thought with sweet affection.

Realising Draco was watching her she softened her face for him. "I think that was pretty evident that were not as drawn to each other as we thought we once were".

She saw a typical flush of red on his cheeks and supposed it was anger, "understandable", she thought, "I may as well have just told him 'You don't do it for me'" But again, she became more curious as he too softened, relaxing his shoulders and dropping his head back with a sigh escaping his lips which she saw appeared to stretch into a smile.

Pansy became suspicious as she watched him smirking against the wall.

"Oh, come on Pansy, don't act like we didn't both know I was going to lay it on thick".

She rounded on him, "What?" she asked darkly.

"Think of it this way, you would have let me be your first any time if I'd wanted. You'd have done anything for me, but I didn't, you stayed pure". He smiled at the shock on her face, "Is it so bad I thought you might do me a favour of finally letting me have it now".

"Oh!" Hermione breathed as she started with a jump, "Ronald, I thought I was alone". She smiled as she stood up from a table and chairs that had materialised in the centre of the Room of Requirement.

Approaching her Ron looked down and saw the page they had all signed on first arrival.

"Just finishing the official register with the appropriate charm work and jinxes. The other from the Hog's Head still stands but this is official now", she stood up by his side, looking at the list with pride.

"I er, just came to see if Harry fancied a quick session on the pitch but he's gone?"

"Yes", she glanced at him before dropping her attack eyebrows, "I do wish you'd stop with these late-night antics, you'll both be for it if she catches you". Dropping the eyebrows she softened, "well he's gone back to the Tower so you can wait for me, and I'll walk back with you".

"Don't we know it, err, I mean, its practice though! But if you're sending me to bed, what choice do I have".

Hermione shouldered into him in answer and the two laughed. "I'm really very proud of what we did today here, for Harry and for the school".

"Yeah, you didn't do too bad", he smiled.

"No, we! Didn't do too bad. And Harry's a natural". Hermione looked up to him and smiled back warmly.

From where she stood, she allowed her head to lull and drop to the side, pressing against him. She didn't have the size to rest it against his shoulder, but it had the same effect. With a tightness in his back as he stilled, Ron became very aware of them both and did nothing to stop his arm as it draped across her shoulders.

They remained for long moment's which became all too loud in their minds as they realised, they had lingered too long for simple cordial closeness. Hermione shut her eyes as she bit her lip out of his sight, it was to control her breathing as she allowed her own arms to find his waist and pull herself to him. Her heart pounded in her ears as she let go of the knowledge that she had warmly accepted his presence and had allowed herself to move and reach out for his embrace.

Ron felt instant, infuriating arousal as she pulled herself to him. It was embarrassing and wrong on all levels but the rush of sound in his ear's drowned everything else out. Ron moved her to him, hands guiding her hips as she stood under his frame, pressing her to him. His head came down to rest on her forehead, breathing her in. They both froze in place as their lips passed closely by, never brushing but waiting to fall and crash into each other. Ron took in her eyes, and he strained against the sight of her, so twisted in passion and fear.

With everything he ever wanted so close he felt a stab of pain within as he looked at her, she radiated warmth and delicateness, and he wanted that defiantly. But the pain that stabbed was realisation, that this was a hollow wanting, it told him that he didn't crave warm and delicate. He wanted to fall onto her but knew it was only because she was there, in that moment with him, finally in his arms. Now that he had everything he'd dreamed on, it wasn't the thrill he thought it would be, it wasn't the girl he wanted it to be.

Wounded he pushed his face past Her's and side stepped her mouth. Letting go he stepped back. He felt that as he moved, she too had pushed against him, both seeming to choose that this wasn't what they wanted simultaneously. They dropped their heads passed each other and embraced in a long hug that lingered with no traces of arousal or pressures. Ron felt as though he was being shown that this was his true place, by her side, as her friend.

Panting only slightly now they broke apart, they went to stand on opposite sides of the table, chairs held firm like shields as they faced each other. They remained silent, controlling their breathing as they pierced each other with steel in their eyes. Then Ron saw that her own faltered and tears welled up, her face contorted into anger and frustration.

Ron crossed the distance quickly, deciding not to allow her to cry alone. Hermione took a step back in fear, but he enveloped her all the same, "hush", he whispered, "it's not that kind of hug".

"I'm so angry", she cried into his chest. "Harry! You! Its cruel on you both, I'm cruel on you both".

Something told Ron he didn't want this conversation, to see her picking it apart and punishing herself, but it was better to cut it out now than have it linger. "You just felt the same thing hit us both, together. We brushed it off without anything happening. Even if I wanted to kiss you, I brushed it off too",

"You wanted to?", she pulled back to look at him, "I, that's….".

"For crying out loud Hermione, were attracted to each other, we danced around this at the worst time, that's all. If it were me before Harry, you'd be here with him now crashing around the room locked at the lips. All because we'd have realised were not what each other wants. Sadly, we just got this backwards".

"You did? You felt it too?"

"Yes, but so did you. And you did alone, I haven't stopped you, you stopped yourself. You know I can't compare to Harry, imagine that kiss we could have had, now imagine it costing you ever being able to kiss Harry again. That's not what you want!"

As Hermione seemed to be allowing logic to catch up with her teenage emotion Ron had another thought. He took in her appearance and the feeling that he still wanted to kiss her. He even guessed this was an absolute in life. "Pretty attractive women make you want to kiss them", he thought. And he knew that while he was still attracted to her now, it was no different from Lavender or Parvati or any girl that caught his eye, but it didn't mean he had any feelings that lingered more than that.

He'd never been with anyone, never kissed anyone and he knew he'd been pulled in by how warm she smelt and soft her skin was as he felt it brush his cheek. But weren't all women so soft and enticing. He refused to believe this was because of his unresolved feelings for his best mates' girlfriend. He was more loyal than that, and he would wound himself before harming Harry. Especially as he knew how limited Harry was with people who loved him in his life, he wouldn't ruin that.

"You did too", Hermione spoke softly as she pulled back to look at him, "you realised something too, about me?"

"I think so", he said softly.

"I'm sorry-…".

Ron knew her too well; he'd been waiting for more anxiety to hit home. He pulled her into him again tightly, this time it wasn't his gentle friendly hold, it was passionate, perhaps too much so as this time it felt forced. The jerking motion made her yelp and her eyes widened in shock. Ron brought his face down to hers again and stopped with his lips ever so close for a second time, "kiss me", he whispered.

Hermione's face pained with expression as but nothing other than fear hit her until she seemed to focus on what it was, he was trying to show her. "No", she whispered back weakly.

"And why not", he stared into her.

"Because you're not Harry", tears streaked down her face.

Pushing past it all he smiled, "you could have us both".

Hermione hiccupped out a laugh in surprise and began to smile. "Then, you kiss me then".

A new terror froze him as he heard this, there was something deafening about hearing her make the demand of him, so softly, it was weighted and overpowering. Ron's heart skipped a beat, but he knew this was just a male reaction in him.

Scoffing his own laugh, he smiled as they broke apart, "you're not who I want", he admitted.

Hermione smiled at him, still sadly, but took his hands in hers. "Your beautiful Ronald", she closed her eyes as she said this, it was all she could do to emphasise how honest she was being. "Your everything I could want in someone".

"Thank you, now I just need to find someone who feels the same, that this would feel right with".

From where they stood a sound like cannon fire rang out, the room being so large and empty it echoed like a roar. Ron and Hermione sprang back from each other, both drawing their wand as they turned to see the main door which had slammed, causing the noise. Harry came striding in, anger stretched across his face. Ron noticed his wandless hands clenched into fists and slid his own wand back in his pocket as Harry picked up momentum the closer he got to him. Ron dropped his hands to his side, already knowing what would happen and deciding to do nothing to stop it.