You're an idiot, you know that right? A complete and utter idiot. You ran! Jeez Torres you- SHIT!
The sound of distant thunder brought her out of her thoughts, eyes deviating from the road to the sky for a brief moment. The lightning flash and the intensifying rain signalled it was getting closer. The sight of the storm in the distance at the airport had done it, any lingering upset or torment vanished as she realised what was actually important.
Arizona.
She had relentlessly reprimanded herself from the lounge to her car for reacting how she did. Arizona didn't say those words (not this time), the brother of a patient did! With zero relevant context! He even chuckled as he said it for fucks sake. GAH.
You left her, you know that's one of her biggest insecurities and what did you do when it became apparent you needed to stay? And at least talk? YOU LEFT!
This time the ringing of her phone brought out of her internal ramblings. She answered on the in-car speaker system and was spared pleasantries. "Have you boarded the plane?"
Callie needlessly shook her head. "No, I saw the storm cloud, and everything just hit, I need to be with her. God I was so stupid." She'd never been so thankful that she opted to drive to the airport, she doubted a cab driver would be this… determined (oh who are we kidding, reckless).
"Okay good, she texted me asking if I could come over, I take it you're nearly home?"
"I'm about five minutes out. Thank you for checking, I'm sorry I messed up."
"You're putting it right, but I've seen how she gets, you need to be there for her."
"I will, and thanks, Teddy."
"No problem, Callie."
The call disconnected and Callie's sole focus returned to the road, it was slippery, reflective and dangerous. The increasing rumblings overhead became even more pronounced and the quick flashes of lightning were unmistakable. She had tried to block out events of that night all those years ago, she doesn't specifically associate storms with it, but clearly those words still had an unconscious impact. It's hard to get over such guttural spite but she had to focus on what Arizona said during their hard conversations, about her mindset at the time. All of her thoughts and feelings which had built up and up and up and up.
'I am so, so sorry for what I did and the hurt I caused you. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret it, that I'm not sorry for what I did, not a single day.'
'I was angry, I couldn't see the light through the trees.'
'I had a wife; would I be remotely desirable?'
'What about our daughter? She'd be frightened of me.'
'It was the life I had robbed YOU of. All of that was gone Calliope.'
'I would always be the black sheep, I felt like nothing, so I made everyone else feel like that.'
'I am so, so sorry that I pushed you away and hurt you, I can't go back and change that, but you have to know, you have to accept, for this to work, that I no longer feel any of that anger, no longer seek to blame, no longer wallow in self-pity. In turn, I'm asking, begging, you have to forgive me, even if you can't forget, you have to understand that I was in a dark place and I saw no future, a future that before I got on the plane, was something dreams were made of.'
Callie shook her head to rid her of those heartbreaking confessions.
The driveway was in sight as she turned into their street, tomorrow she'll give thanks to whoever intervened and made sure there was only one lunatic driver on the road that evening. She pulled in, not bothering to straighten up. She didn't shut the door, grab her suitcase, grab her bag or anything, just ran for the house fumbling her keys.
And that's when the ear-splitting thunder cracked.
She managed to get the keys into the lock at the first attempt, it crashed against the wall as it flung open. She did a quick scan before her heart sunk at the heartbreaking sight; Arizona was in obvious distress on the floor. The meek voice that greeted her was gut wrenching.
"Calliope?"
Callie ran over to Arizona, falling onto her knees to meet her height, fully enveloping her like her life depended on it. "I'm here Arizona, I'm here, you're safe, I'm so sorry, I've got you, I love you, you're safe."
They held their tight embrace for what felt like hours but was probably seconds, the blonde's shaking ceased near enough instantly, but she needed help to bring her breathing under control. Callie withdrew slightly in an attempt to establish eye contact but Arizona held a tight grip of her top. She still managed to manoeuvre herself so she was Arizona's only focus. "Breathe Arizona, in… and out. In… and out. That's it my love, you're okay, just breathe. In… and out, you're okay, I'm here."
Arizona copied her girlfriend's actions; she felt herself calm and her breathing even out. Once her head was relatively clear, her priority suddenly changed. "G- go check on Sof, I'll be all right."
At this, Callie was torn. Did she run to their daughter who (to the best of her knowledge) had no fear of storms, abandoning the clearly distressed Arizona, or stay with her, leaving their daughter isolated upstairs whilst the storm crashed overhead.
Thankfully, the decision was made for her.
Sofia could sleep through her mothers… enjoying their selves but that crack of thunder woke her from her slumber. That, or the screeching of Callie's wheels as she mounted the driveway, but we'll blame the storm for now. Her voice was tired, but not filled with fear. "Mumma? Mummy?"
By this time, Callie had picked Arizona up and they were on the couch, the blonde's hand still held the brunette's shirt tight. She extended her arm and gestured for their daughter to come over. "Come here baby girl, we're just cuddling, are you okay?"
Sofia took groggy steps towards them, but her face started to show concern as she got closer. "I'm fine, is mumma okay?"
The upset in Sofia's voice brought Arizona back into 'mum mode'. "Mumma's good baby girl, I just tripped when I came to get some water because it was dark, mummy came in just in time to help me onto the sofa."
"Where is Teddy? Teddy's normally here."
Their eyes widened; Arizona tentatively probed for more. "What do you mean baby girl?"
"During a storm, Teddy's normally here."
She looked at Callie, how did Sofia know? Yes Teddy stayed over during storm nights but she didn't realise their daughter had connected the two. For some reason she felt embarrassed and ashamed, as if seeking support made her weak- oh yeah, she kinda has a history of that.
Callie decided to conclude the conversation, knowing exactly how that revelation would make the blonde feel. "Teddy is at her house mija, I'm here, we can all be together."
Sofia's previous concerned demeanour changed to determination. She ran over to Arizona and threw herself over her lap. "I'll protect you mumma."
Arizona hated that her voice was so timid, so un-Arizona Robbins. "Thank you, baby girl, mumma loves you."
As they entwined together as a family, the storm started to subside considerably, it was still there, but the warmth and distraction of each other had certainly brought a type of calm. Callie checked the clock on the mantal, 9pm. It was late for Sofia but too early for them. Still, she wasn't going to break up this moment entirely. "How about we all go upstairs and have a sleepover tonight?"
"Can we have snacks?"
God if that child wasn't the daughter of Arizona.
She cradled her daughter's face and gave her a knowing smile. "Of course mija, you and mumma go upstairs, I'll lock up…" (and you know, straighten up the car so it's not half sprawled over their neighbours' lawn and grab her things so her phone and cards aren't stolen) "…grab some snacks and meet you upstairs shortly, sound good?"
Sofia didn't answer, she simply grabbed Arizona's hand and excitedly made her way towards the stairs. Her mothers only quick glances, but it said everything words couldn't in that moment. They loved each other, they were a family, they would always stick together.
Thankfully they still had some left-over pizza from the night before. Once she'd completed her unsaid tasks(!) Callie grabbed the box, some chips, some drinks and made her way to spend the night with her whole entire world.
xxxxxxxxxx
She wasn't sure how much sleep she'd got during the night; she was determined to stay awake long enough to see her two girls fall asleep. Arizona was curled up tight against her right side and, despite their concern she'd be traumatised, their daughter was sprawled out over her left(ish). That's a lie, she was actually half over Callie and half on the remaining 70% of the bed she took up. Considering all she'd been through in her life; Sofia showed no fear or lack of confidence. She was brave, honourable and damn cute if she did say so herself.
Smiling at her miniature version (who was definitely snoring lightly) she decided to leave the pair in bed whilst she went to prepare breakfast. She managed to shift the dead weight that was Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres without waking her and made sure they were both tucked in as she left. Once in the kitchen, she grabbed all the ingredients and put on a pot of coffee.
She might be angry, she might be thankful, she might be upset, embarrassed, ashamed… but you go with it and don't argue it Torres. You don't get to judge. You already messed up-
"Hey, whatcha making?"
She looked up and saw a groggy, but ridiculously adorable, blonde. "Pancakes, you want some?"
Arizona perched herself on the breakfast bar and wiggled her eyebrows. "Mmm, I'll always say yes to your pancakes Calliope."
That earned her a chaste kiss as Callie's attention returned to the pan. After some silence, she let it all out. "I'm sorry I left, I shouldn't have, I should have stayed and talked. Even if it was to cry or yell or- or something. Well not to yell, but to talk. You didn't avoid me, you came after me, you wanted to address it even though you knew it was-"
For Arizona's part, she got down from the stool and pulled her in for a loving kiss. "Calliope it's okay, I knew you were headed for California and I don't think you knew about the storm." She took a deep breath, she didn't want to admit how it made her feel, but she had to be honest, had to communicate. "Walking away in the hospital hurt, but I can't say I blame you."
Callie shook her head at that last comment. "We've spoken about this topic at length, I shouldn't have let it get to me. I certainly shouldn't have just left. I should have told you I just needed five minutes to clear my head or- or something but no, I just…" she sighed.
Arizona knew she had to let the truth continue. "I feel so stupid, I'm a mother, a wif- a surgeon, highly intelligent, funny and hot, I shouldn't turn into a blubbering mess when there's a crack of thunder. How do you not look at me and not think that's pathetic? How can I possibly think I'm worthy of you with such a weak mentality?"
"Worthy of you?" She took the pan off the heat and faced Arizona dead on. "Don't you understand Arizona? You are everything to Sof and I. You needed support, the reason doesn't matter, and the two people who love you most in the world wanted to be there for you. We both know if it was the other way round, you would protect us too. This isn't all one way; daughter of a marine or not, you don't get to always be the protector. We're a team, we work as a family." Callie pulled her in, blonde hair placed in the crook of her neck as they stood there.
"You've seen me a blubbering mess too many times, why would you want a car crash like me?"
"Because I love you, because whilst it sucks to see you upset, you need to let your emotions take over when the moment hits, so they don't become pent up and explode." Her voice was firm but soft. "That means we have to continue to communicate. I made a huge error in judgement yesterday, I was upset, I didn't address it, and look where it landed us." Callie's eyes were full of sorrow, she had nearly ended up in another state for crying out loud. Over six words. That weren't even said by Arizona! "And don't call my girlfriend a car crash."
That earnt a snort and slight smile. She sighed. "You're right, it felt good to have you hold me last night, to comfort me. I've missed that so much. It's what girlfriends of wives do, I guess I need to stop thinking that needing support is a weak trait."
Callie placed a delicate kiss on her temple in response. "I really hope you do, because it's not."
Arizona snuggled in tighter. "I'm starting to figure that out, but maybe I just need a little more time to fully accept that, are you okay to work through it with me?"
"Of course my love. Do you think you'll be in a position to forgive me for walking away at some point?"
"You came back Calliope, that's what matters."
"Well in future there will be no need for me to come back, because I'll never leave you again."
Before they could sneak in another kiss, so Callie could go back to the pancake making, they were instantly jump scared by an incoming tornado.
"YESSSSSSS PAAAANCAAAAKES!"