cw / detailed descriptions of wounds and death, mentioned and attempted rape

The day had been uneventful. The week had been uneventful. Hopping from town to town, from inn to inn. The only constant in her life was Starlight at this point.

(She did not know how the horse always found its way back to her, but she was glad for it.)

One of the inn's other guests, Lucas, had situated himself at her table and had struck up a conversation. He was… nice, she supposed, but she had barely any energy to entertain him.

Pulling at the chain of her necklace, she was about to excuse herself, when a hooded figure appeared beside their table. Looking up into his face, her breath hitched.

"Hey, Lucas? Could you leave me alone with my friend here?"

The other guest looked up in confusion at the hooded figure, but eventually slipped out from the bench, and gave way for him to sit down across from her.

Benjiamin had not changed since the last time she had seen him. A scar ran across his right eye - his beautiful, deep brown eye with that golden spot in it.

"Elle-"

"What are you doing here?" she whispered angrily. "If anyone recognises you, you're dead."

"I had to come see you."

"How did you find me, anyways?"

He hesitated. "I never lost you."

She furrowed her brows. There was no way he had known where she was when she did not even know.

"Elle, look - you're in danger."

"I am the Golden Paladin, when am I ever not-"

"No, it's more serious than that," he threw in. "I received a letter from Lord Tywin. He told me to move my troops towards the Twins, and to prepare to catch stray wolves, whatever that means. He said that we will soon be rid of every opposition in the Riverlands."

Every opposition. Her grandfather must not know what had gone down between her and Benjiamin, or he would not have shared such important information with him.

And- The Stark troops were marching northbound, that one was widely known. But she had also been moving in the same direction through those past few weeks. What if her grandfather had found out?

Tywin Lannister, the mastermind behind the Rains of Castamere. Whatever he had planned, it couldn't be pretty.

"How do I know I can trust you?"

Without hesitation, he pulled a scroll out of his pocket and laid it down before her. Reading through it, the words stated exactly what Benjiamin had said. She prodded at the red wax sigil.

"Thank you for letting me know, I suppose," she said carefully. "But why?"

His lip trembled, and he seemingly had to collect himself before answering.

"I- I want you to come with me."

"So you can take me straight to-"

"No! Please, just listen to me." He shifted in his seat. "I want you to come back with me to High Anura. I can protect you there, just- Just until this whole thing is settled. Lord Tywin, King Joffrey, none of them will be able to touch you there."

"I can protect myself quite well."

"For now, but Lord Tywin's words worry me. Everyone knows what he is capable of, and I cannot bear to see you harmed."

"Why do you care so much," she hissed, "what happens to me?"

She almost expected him to scream it back at her - words she had never expected to hear, least of all from him. But he simply played around with the golden ring on his finger.

"I-" he began, before stopping and taking a deep breath. "I have been thinking, these past few weeks, about the last time I saw you." His eyes met hers. "You had the chance to kill me, and yet you did not. Why?"

Why had she not killed him?

It was a question she herself had been contemplating. It should have an easy answer, and yet, for some reason, she had been struggling with the situation.

This was not a sept, she reminded herself. Not a sept.

"I do not kill," she finally said. "I never have, and I do not intend to start now."

"But I am your enemy." He leaned forward, arms pressing into the table. "You have suffered so much from my actions. I am sure the gods would allow it."

"Well, Benjiamin, some people have principles they stick to, no matter the resistance. You might learn something from that."

"I've been thinking about that…"

"My principles?"

"Yes." He leaned back again. "You are so stead-fast in everything you believe in. Nothing shakes you, nothing can divert you from your path. I respect that, and I- I wish I could be like that."

She chuckled. "You'd be surprised. The demons battling inside me have yet to find their equal."

"And you're still here." She had rarely seen Benjiamin so… She could not even think of a word. "You stay strong, even with everything going on. This is a strength I could only dream of."

"What are you trying to tell me here?"

"I- I want you- I want you to teach me. How to… be strong." He let a breath loose.

"So that you can kill people without remorse from now on?"

"No, I-"

"What do you want, Ben?"

He looked scared. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

She leaned forward, meeting him half-way. "Then you need to figure that out on your own. Find me again when you have an answer."

They were too close again. She did not want a repeat of their interactions in his tent, in any shape or form. Quickly, she averted her gaze to scan the room.

People were watching them. Some of them in pure interest, some of them with their hands on their swords.

"You should leave," she whispered. "Stark forces are near. Best get out while you still can."

"Elle-"

"Go home, Ben."

He took a deep breath. Then he pulled something else from his pocket and laid it before her on the table.

Her dagger. Much cleaner than she remembered, but her dagger still.

She stared at him with wide eyes.

"Thought you might want it back. I don't have much use for it anyways."

He stood up, and disappeared through the door.

She left shortly after him, saddled Starlight and rode off through the narrow forest paths.

Her dagger was nestled firmly against her arm once more. She had never expected to see it again after her flight, mourning it and the memories it carried despite whom she had gotten it from. Or perhaps because of whom she had gotten it from.

But now, with the lion above her heart and the snake on her wrist, she felt secure again. Like her parents were looking over her, even from afar.

She wondered where she should head to. Honour would dictate she turn north and find the Stark forces to warn them of what was coming. She had the letter Benjiamin had forgotten in the inn in her pocket - perhaps if they read it they would believe her.

Or not. It was, after all, a missive written by one enemy, sent to another, and found by a person none of them had ever met. It was not unlikely they'd rather imprison her than listen to her.

Her quiet speculations were interrupted when Starlight suddenly stopped. The mare rightened her head as her ears pointed up. Elle cocked her head, trying to listen to what had made her horse react like that-

She let out an exasperated sigh.

"I know you're there, Benjiamin. You can come out."

Nothing happened for a few moments, then trees rustled and Benjiamin emerged, sitting upon a black stallion, the hood of his cloak removed and revealing his dark, messy hair. A bow was fastened to his saddle, the quiver hanging around his waist.

"I suppose I was not as discreet as I had wanted."

She laughed incredulously. "Have you been following me?"

"And what if I have, little Paladin?"

She cursed that wicked smile of his, not knowing if she wanted to punch or kiss it off his face.

"Where are you headed?" she asked.

"Wherever you go."

"And if I go to Robb Stark?"

"I know you would never intentionally endanger someone. Even your worst enemy."

She took a breath to calm herself (her nerves, her mind, her heart), before she urged Starlight to continue down the path.

Benjiamin and his steed fell into step beside them, the path thankfully wide enough to allow her to keep her distance.

"I-" she started. Should she even talk to him? "I thank you for returning my dagger to me. It means a great deal to me."

"You're welcome. Though I still do not know how such a beautiful object came into your possession."

"My father gave it to me."

He chuckled. "The only thing my father ever gave me was this ring." He raised his left hand, on which the golden sigil ring she had noticed before was located.

It was the first time he had mentioned his father, and she longed to ask him more about the man. His mother had not been a good influence on him, but what about his father? Where was he? What did he think about the man his son had become? She wondered if he was even still alive.

But she did not ask. Because she did not care. Not at all. The less she knew about the man that had haunted her sleep for moons, the better.

They rode in silence for a while, then. She refused to look over at him, not even allowing herself to steal side-ways glances.

"Elle, I have to tell you something."

He sounded serious - too serious.

"What is it?" She tried to hide the concern in her voice.

"I-"

The pounding of hooves sounded from behind, accompanied by shouts.

"Shit, how did they find me?" he said frantically.

"How did who find you?"

"Stark soldiers. They have been after me for a day now, but I thought I had shaken them off."

One of the soldiers came hurtling around the bend, and without sharing another word, they both had set off.

She had known, deep down, that being around him would throw her into one of these situations sooner or later. Despite their… truce, he was still the feared and hated Butcher of Sallydance to all around them, no matter what positive feelings she might start to develop for him. She had merely hoped-

"You have to leave me," he screamed over the winds, his black cloak billowing behind him, as his bow string snapped forward. "If they see you with me-"

"They already have!" An arrow whirled past her own head. She only barely suppressed the urge to scream. "There, into the forest."

She made a hard turn to the right, Benjiamin directly behind her.

The woods were her friend, she had never once been betrayed by them. They both would be safe there, would manage to escape the soldiers, and then talk about what to do next.

An arrow landed in the tree beside her with a loud thump. Benjiamin answered with one of his own.

The land to her right dropped off sharply. She steered Starlight further to the left, careful not to endanger them both.

She wondered if she should simply surrender to the Stark soldiers, and try to convince them to spare Benjiamin. It was unlikely, but if she leveraged her identity as the Golden Paladin - and as a knight! - it might work. Could tell them Arya Stark was alive, as well.

Her mare could only run so fast through the trees and roots and bushes. Perhaps she should dismount and continue on-

Something hard slammed into her side and threw her off her horse. All the air was knocked out of her lungs as she hit the ground and immediately started hurtling down an incline. Things scratched at her skin and pulled at her hair as she fell further and further and further.

Finally, after what had felt like forever, she slowed and came to a stand-still. Looking up, she saw another body laying in the leaves on the ground.

"What was that for?" she said angrily.

Benjiamin groaned as he turned his head to her. "The arrow would have otherwise hit you."

"And there was no other idea in that smart brain of yours?"

"I'm- I'm sorry."

There was no time to be angry now, she told herself. She could always scream at and punch him later, when they were not in mortal danger.

"Come, this way." She jumped to her feet, ignoring the pain in her body.

Benjiamin righted himself slower than her, yet still followed her on uneasy feet.

The trees around them grew sparser yet taller; foliage covered the entire ground, and the half-gone forest canopy let in the warm autumn sun. If she had had the time, she would have stayed and stared at it.

"We must move faster," she told Benjiamin. "Otherwise they will catch up with us."

Why was he so slow? Was he not realising how dire their situation was?

"Yeah, yeah, just- I just need a- a minute."

He sounded out of breath, and when she turned around, fully intent on grabbing his arm to pull him after her, she saw him stumbling. And clutching his left side.

"Ben, what- What is it?"

"Nothing, I just-" He braced himself against a tree, before he slid down against it. "I just need a moment to rest. Then we can continue."

She knelt down beside him, having an inkling of an idea what happened, but not wanting to believe it. Until she was forced to when he removed his bloody hand from his tunica.

The arrow.

"No, Ben-"

She quickly pulled the sticky fabric up. The skin and flesh was ripped apart, blood oozing out of the wound. Her hands were dripping in the red substance simply by being too close to it.

"You need a healer, Ben, and quickly. If we can get you on a horse-"

"I like when you call me that."

"What?"

"Ben. No one's ever called me that." He smiled.

"This is really not the time-"

"It is. I have to-" He tried sitting up straighter, yet only winced in pain.

"What you have to is see a healer. Or even better, a maester."

She tried her hardest not to let it show, to keep her composure for herself and Ben, but she was slowly becoming distressed. Frantic, even. And she shouldn't be - this was her enemy, the one person she had grown to hate like no other. She did not understand why she was feeling this way.

"No, please," he tried once again. His hands shifted, and he quickly slid a piece of metal over one of her fingers. Looking down, she instantly recognised his golden ring. Before she could question him over this, he had already closed his hand around hers.

"Return this ring to my father." His voice shook, almost from exertion. "Please. I beg you. Tell him I'm sorry."

"You tell him that yourself, Ben."

She tried to remove the ring, to not accept what he was implying, but his bloodied fingers held hers in a tight grip.

"There is something else." He was trying to distract her. "When you were- At my tent, you talked about every title you have gathered. Every thing that you are. Knight, criminal, lady, witch - I would like to exchange lady for princess."

Her mouth dropped open, the tear on her cheek forgotten.

He tried to chuckle, but was quickly forced to stop by yet another wince. "Yeah, I figured out your little riddle. The lion kind of gave it away."

She tried to overplay her sob with a chuckle. "It was a bit easy, I suppose."

"Have to make it more difficult next time."

Yes. Next time. There would be a next time.

"But… You have not told anyone."

Because if he had, she would certainly have been dragged away by Lannister soldiers long ago.

"I just thought-" He coughed- "that perhaps there was a reason you kept yourself hidden, Cerelle."

A strange feeling spread inside her stomach at the mention of her name. She had felt it before, when Jon had said it at their parting. How it came to be or what it meant she did not know.

He laid a hand on her cheek. Something laid in his eyes, a look she could not quite place. Yet before she could ask about it (or enjoy the feeling of his skin on hers) the pounding of hooves sounded across the forest floor.

She ripped around, attempting to stand up and place herself before Ben to protect him, but before she could do anything, a soldier had already grabbed her arm and dragged her towards him.

"Now, who do we have here?"

He pressed his face close to hers, closer than any sane person would. She punched him in the throat with her free hand without much thought, making him lose his grip on her and dropping her to the floor.

She readied herself to jump up and run back to Ben, when a male voice said, "Restrain her," and two pairs of hands wrapped themselves around her arms, forcing her to kneel amongst the leaves on the ground.

"Let me go!"

A man stepped into her field of vision. He was tall, with a prominent beard and dark hair looking out from under his helmet.

"To think I'd ever find you, Butcher," he said, drawing his sword.

"Please," she screamed out. "Don't harm him."

The man turned around to her. "I see you've found yourself a friend. Or perhaps an accomplice?"

She wanted to glare at him, to tell him who it was he was talking to, but her gaze wandered further. To Ben, cowering on the ground.

Something strange laid in his eyes. Fear. Pain. Conviction. And two words.

Forgive me.

"Whore's more like it. She's pretty, don't you think?"

His whole expression had changed, to a version of him she had never thought she'd see again. Had hoped to never see again.

The man laughed. "On that we agree."

"She was far too easy to catch. Women are simple creatures - make them think you've changed, that you're good, and they follow every word you say."

"Ben, what are you-"

"She didn't even know who I was. Had a real good scare when she saw me kill a whole family in front of her. I doubt she will forget it or the fucking I gave her afterwards any time soon."

He was lying. He had to be. She would remember such a thing. All their encounters were burned into her memory, doomed to haunt her until her dying day. She would remember if… If she had not suppressed it. If- If having sex- If having been raped by him had not been so traumatic her own mind had fabricated a lie to indicate she had been in control. That whatever had happened had actually been enjoyable, the way it had done with-

The man stepped closer and looked down at her, terrifying her with his smile.

"She doesn't look like any whore I've seen."

"You should have seen her before me - most virtuous and pious maiden to ever grace this land. I had so much fun ruining her."

The soldier grabbed her face. "You do seem like I'd be enjoying myself with you."

"She's free to use. Just don't damage her face - I far too enjoy looking at it."

Free to use. She had never told him about her past desire to wait until marriage, nor how it killed her inside on some days that she was no longer a maiden, no matter how consensual it had been. He couldn't know, couldn't even suspect-

The man finally let go of her, slashing his blade through the air as he turned towards Ben. "You are in no place to make demands, Butcher. Not after you've just killed two more of us."

He tried to stand up, to draw his sword, yet he quickly fell to his knees again. The soldier laughed as he threw him over, Ben hitting the earth with a soft thump and a loud groan. Blood soaked his clothes, his hands, and the ground beneath. She thrashed in the arms holding her down, trying to run over to him and protect him, no matter what he had said previously.

"Looks like the great Butcher is wounded." The man seemed almost giddy. "Shall we release him from his suffering?"

"You will regret ever crossing me once my men arrive," Ben growled.

The man kicked him in the stomach, laughing. "What men? You're alone." He raised his sword.

"Don't touch him," she sobbed.

Bewildered, the man looked over to her. "So loyal, even after everything you have said about her." His gaze focused on Ben again. "I think I will quite enjoy making her mine. Fucking her until she has completely forgotten you've ever existed."

Ben laughed, yet it sounded false. "Do it, I do not care. She knows nothing about my plans, she's useless to me."

The man laughed. "Too bad I won't make you feel the same pain you have inflicted on me." He kicked him in the stomach, directly onto the wound. "You're already too far gone. So we'll make this short." And with that, he buried his sword in Ben's chest.

She screamed.

His body became limp, head rolling to the side, its wide eyes looking at her as the life faded from them.

"Silence her."

A fist slammed into the side of her face. The hands around her arms let go of her as she fell forward to the ground.

Distantly, she heard the men laughing, might have even seen two more joining in the mockery had she not continued staring at the body. Unable to look away. Thinking of how the blood had felt on her hands. Weeping at the pull around her heart.

She had failed yet again. Someone had died because of her yet again. And she did not even know why he had betrayed her. He couldn't- He couldn't have meant what he said. Then why-

Someone grabbed his lifeless body and threw it into a ditch a few metres ahead. The water splashed on the impact as a hand wrapped itself around her neck, pulling her up.

The man holding her shifted his grip to her throat, pressing down on it shortly to see its effect, and grinned at the desperate look in her eyes.

"Now let's get to you, whore."

Her tunica had likely already ripped from how desperately she wanted to get out of the hold the soldiers had on her, and she wouldn't be surprised if her voice would soon become sore as well.

"No, please! He lied, I'm not a-" She took a shaky breath. "A whore."

She clawed at his hand, yet it remained steadfast. It pressed down on where her scar had been, threatening to restrict her airflow, throwing her back to Braavos, to that empty warehouse-

"Of course you'd think that." He started petting her hair. "Poor girl, Imma treat you well."

"Don't touch me," she screamed, ripping herself out of his grasp.

The man quickly grabbed her hair before she could fall back, tilting her head backwards to force her to look into his eyes. "You should be glad someone wants you after your dalliance with…"

He trailed off, his gaze dropping to her chest. One of his hands came up and grabbed her necklace, inspecting-

Her necklace.

The tumble down the hill must have dislodged it from its hiding place underneath her tunica, laying it bare for all the world to see.

"A Lannister," he spat.

If she had not been panicking before, she was now. The man had hunted Ben for an entire day and mocked him as he had killed him. There was no telling what he would do to her - a woman he saw as a whore.

He threw her to the ground, immediately laying his sword on her throat, every sign of a smile wiped off his face.

"Wait," another man said. "Perhaps we should bring her to the king. He'll already be furious that the Butcher is dead, maybe she will soften the blow."

"He already said she knows nothing."

Something warm trickled down her neck.

"Maybe she is important," another man said. "If the Butcher was interested in her, the Old Lion might be as well."

The man seemed to fight with himself, before grunting and removing the blade. She took a deep breath.

"Tie her up. She's riding with me."

a/n: hope you had fun, here's this chapter from ben's pov ( /works/59515597)