Chapter Forty: Another Definition of Love

Dear Sonic,

Given what I'm about to attempt to do, given that I'm about to walk right into a Metarex trap on the off-chance that this really is a chance to save Cosmo—and maybe even you—I needed to be sure I didn't lose my last chance to tell you…everything I might have told you. I guess for the whole of the rest of our lives. Just in case I don't make it out of here.

I guess this also means a scenario where you do make it out of the Metarex control you're under. Whether or not it's because of me. That's a different sort of hope. But a future where you survive and I don't…it's better than one where I lose you. I learned that in the last war. I learned that the only thing harder than dying for love is outliving your love.

So know that if I die for you, it was worth it for me.

If I die for Cosmo, it was worth it for me.

Because I'm not walking into an obvious trap just for you (though I would, you know I would), I'm walking into it for Tails too. Tails with his broken hand. Tails, who's been hiding and not talking to anyone since he used the fake Chaos Emeralds against Rusted Maple and Shining Birch. I'm worried that he thinks he needs to handle everything on his own. Like that will be enough to prove that he's good. Like the fake Emeralds turning him into Dark Super Tails means he might not be good.

If you make it out of this and I don't, make sure he knows he is good. And if he asks how I knew that, remind him that I knew you. Remind him that once upon a time I watched you become Dark Super Sonic. More than once. And I never once loved you any less.

Love is complicated. Because life is complicated. We are all imperfect creatures. None of us are wholly good. We can't be. We just try our best and deal with whatever wreckage comes of it.

Tails isn't ready to hear that. Not from me. Not yet, at least. So please, if I don't make it through this, make sure he knows that.

Now, Sonic the Hedgehog, I want you to know that this choice I'm making, this risk I'm taking, is absolutely worth it. You are not allowed to go about the rest of your life making yourself feel miserable and responsible for a choice I made. You are worth that choice.

The Metarex have stolen so much from you. From all of us, yes. But from you, my love. I watched them hurt you, I watched you blame yourself for the ways they hurt you, I watched the ways that hurt changed you. And all the secrets you're still holding. I know you and I agreed "no more lies." But I also knew you were still telling them. That's okay. It's so hard to find ways to survive. Please, forgive yourself for what you did to survive, what you did to make sure your loved ones survived.

And even if you don't, I do. I forgive you. And there's nothing to forgive.

I love you, Sonic the Hedgehog. Every step I have taken, every misstep I've made, it's all been worth it, regardless of the ultimate outcome, because it led me to you. I would rather lose my life than consider one you were not part of.

Now, I will fight until my last breath to save you. And pray I see you safe and sound on the other side.

Love,

Amy Rose

Amy swiped her arm across her face to smear away the tears before any dared to land on the letter she had written. She could hear Sonic's voice in her head, reminding her, "No tears, okay?"

She refused to allow what might be her last message to Sonic to bear such a final insult like the stain of her tears.

Instead, she leaned away from the paper and paused long enough to be sure her tears really weren't going to sneak away. When she sucked in a deep breath, her long exhale shook. But at least she was the only one to witness her weakness. She was sure her friends were aware of it. She just didn't wish to torture them by making them watch.

Only when Amy was sure no more tears were going to loosen from the pools in her eyes did she lean forward again. She folded her letter to Sonic in thirds and slid the paper into an envelope already addressed to him. She sealed the envelope. And then, with far more delicacy than necessary, she lay the envelope down on the pillow at the head of Sonic's bed.

Her tears slipped loose again. This time, Amy allowed them to fall. Maybe she would use them up now, avoiding their distraction when her focus mattered. She stepped away from Sonic's bed, her tear-filled eyes still focused on that letter. She refused to believe that the letter was a sort of resignation to one possible fate, to a future she was not a part of.

Instead, she stiffened her chin and insisted the letter was a gesture of hope. It was addressed to Sonic, after all. She believed in a future where she succeeded in setting him free. What a reckless expression of hope for the future awaiting them. Or awaiting him, at least.

Amy exhaled a shuddering breath and swiped the back of her hand across her cheekbones to clean up the stragglers among her tears. She inhaled again, held it, forced herself to count out the seconds of the exhale. She reminded herself that she was the one who had volunteered to walk into an obvious Metarex trap. She hadn't made the offer out of masochism or any resignation to a hopeless future. She truly believed she was the best chance they had. She knew how to fight, she could use the Chaos Emeralds, she wasn't injured in any way beyond emotionally.

Would it be enough? That, Amy didn't know.

But she could try.

And if there was one single truth in the universe that Amy knew for sure, it was that she knew this was exactly the same choice Sonic would make.

-(-)-

Amy shifted the strap of a messenger bag over her head so the strap cut across her chest. When she turned, Tails was waiting there for her in the docking bay. He held the white Chaos Emerald out to her, which she accepted and slipped into her bag. She adjusted the visor on her headset so it sat in front of her eyes, tinting the world before her vaguely red. It was strangely comforting to have her headset again, knowing her friends could pass along messages to her without the Metarex having the ability to overhear.

"Anything else I should know?" She kept her question straightforward, in the hope that she could avoid tears from here on out. Or else, she might lose what little bravery she'd collected.

Tails shook his head. "I've already told you everything Cosmo told me. The craft she's trapped on landed here for maintenance but she heard she's going to be moved somewhere. It might just be elsewhere on the ship or it could be that there's a Metarex base on this planet. And we don't really know which option is better. Whatever information you can gather might help us figure out how we get Cosmo out, and maybe Sonic too."

Amy nodded. She fidgeted with her microphone so she could focus on something other than Tails's face. Just his voice was enough to build a ball of tears up in her throat. She couldn't keep her thoughts away from the fact that this could be the last conversation they ever had.

After all, it was a very tactical choice that Amy was only taking one Chaos Emerald with her while the rest remained with the Blue Typhoon: if Amy failed, at least they would only lose one Chaos Emerald.

Plus, they would lose Amy Rose.

Amy wrapped her fingers around the strap of her bag. Later, she would pull her hammer. But first, she needed a plan. Maybe then she would even stand a chance of winning whatever fight she ended up in.

"Amy."

Tails's voice was so small. His voice belonged to a child. And though Tails still wore the body of a child, none among them had been a child for a very long time. Which was why Tails's single word in such a small voice immediately snapped Amy's eyes to his face. But his eyes weren't on hers. Instead, they were cast down toward the ground. Or…was it at his hand hanging in the sling?

"Amy, I hate to ask, but…" His voice trailed away for a moment as his brow furrowed. Amy held her breath. She realized she couldn't even guess how Tails was going to finish and that thought alone was enough to send her already thudding heart shuddering.

"Amy, is the reason you volunteered to do this, even though I had already said I would, was that because of what happened last week? With the fake Chaos Emeralds?"

The tension in Amy's body collapsed like the rush of water in a waterfall. "Tails." She whispered his name. As if were she to speak his name too loud, her fragile friend would shatter.

"It's just…" Tails hesitated. He still wasn't meeting her eyes. Instead, his remained trained on the ground but unfocused, like he wasn't really seeing what he looked at. "…I won't do that again. I never want to do that again. I won't get distracted. I'm stronger than that. I just…I don't want you to not trust me."

Without awaiting further invitation, Amy swung her arms around Tails's neck and yanked him toward her. His body stiffened when she pressed against his sling, and she quickly adjusted her body, though she still didn't let go of him. His face pressed into her shoulder and she rested her chin on his. "Tails, I'm not doing this because I think you can't," she murmured. "I'm doing this because you can and I don't want you to."

Amy felt the tension building in Tails's body beneath her again, rising with the words for his argument. So she continued, "I'm doing this because I don't want you to die, Tails. This is supposed to be a gift."

"But then you might—" he started to protest.

"I know." Amy's arms around Tails tightened. She lowered her face until she now rested her forehead on Tails's shoulder. She squeezed her eyes shut. "But please, let me be selfish. Let me save you. You're hurt and I'm not. You're better at using the Chaos Emeralds but I can handle them. It's a toss-up whether it goes our way today or not, so just this once, let me guarantee that you, at the very least, make it out of here okay."

Even with her eyes closed, her vision felt swimmy. Her eyelashes caught the rain before it managed to escape the cloud. No tears, Sonic's voice said in Amy's head, but she ignored him. If he was about to leave Tails behind in order to save his life, Amy would bet even Sonic would be choking down his tears.

"Amy, I—Amy, it's a trap," Tails finally choked out. "It has to be a trap, one the Metarex are setting for me."

"Then maybe I'm just the surprise we need," she said, coughing an inappropriate laugh into Tails's fur.

This time, Tails was the one to pull Amy in tighter, even with just his one good arm. When his grip loosened, so did Amy's, and she stepped back. They stood there in silence for a moment, appraising one another. The lower rims of Tails's eyes were swollen red, and Amy knew hers must look much the same.

"Are we okay?" Amy asked.

Tails's shoulders fell. Not in a disappointed way. But more like all the tension fell out of them. "Of course we are," he said. His twin namesakes twitched behind him. They looked so much less heavy now, more like clouds than weight. Though the heavy look in Tails's eyes told another story. So Amy waited for Tails to find the words he was still looking for. Until he simply added,

"Thank you."

Amy closed her eyes and let those two words fill her up and fuel her. She exhaled what tension she could. When she opened her eyes, she hoped the fire in her veins burned away the last of her tears. "I'll bring them both home," she promised. And she would either keep her promise.

Or die trying.