Chapter Nine - Thank You
It was a catastrophic blow for the Scout Regiment, losing the entire right side of the formation and a section commander all in one day. Despite the devastation, Commander Erwin told Levi that this wasn't exactly uncommon.
It didn't take long for Shadis to order a retreat back to Wall Maria, thankfully with minimal casualties. They still had encountered two more 12 meters, and even though Levi made quick work of them, they lost three more soldiers.
Watching those people get eaten alive wasn't any easier than it was the first time.
Despite all of the things Levi has seen in the Underground, the Titans were another level of horror.
It doesn't help that he can't stop picturing Furlan's corpse in that mouth, or Isabel's lifeless eyes staring back at him. It's so overwhelming that he doesn't even pay attention to the looks of disgust that the citizens of Shiganshina are giving the entire regiment.
"Mr. Strober, I insist you let us take Quinn back to Wall Rose for proper treatment. Her injuries are very severe."
Oh, yeah. Her. The only survivor.
Commander Shadis is standing to the side with Quinn's father, who's obviously very distraught. "Commander, with all due respect, I insist you let us take our girl home. I appreciate the concern, but we have a doctor in town who's willing to offer immediate treatment."
"A doctor in town?" Shadis stutters, seeming a bit rattled. "Right. I see. I'll have a team of medics help you get her back to your house at once."
Taking Quinn home sounded like a horrible idea, even to Levi. He hadn't seen her injuries up close, but he knew that there was blood – a lot of it. It took the medics nearly half an hour to get it to stop, Quinn slipping in and out of consciousness with a cry of pain every time they would douse her wound in disinfectant. The Scouts had a pitiful excuse for a medical squad, with inexperienced soldiers and a scarce amount of supplies. Levi had seen one person try to get her to drink from a bottle of liquor, but Quinn was too delirious to respond. All she could do was cry and moan until she slipped back into unconsciousness.
She was lucky Levi had noticed the other Titan when he did, with her only a couple of seconds away from becoming a meal. Given the massacre that he had come back to, Levi didn't expect to find anyone still alive.
But of course, if anyone was going to survive, it would be her.
That being said, Levi had seen enough of Quinn's injuries to know it probably meant the end of her career. The flesh of her shoulder was horribly mutilated, and her collarbone and shoulder blade were probably shattered.
It's likely that she'll be left with a lot of permanent damage.
Levi wondered if he would ever see her again.
Part of him really hoped that he wouldn't.
*︎**
"Quinn dear, you know you don't have to go back."
A full plate of food is placed in front of the young woman as her mother rounds the table, setting another plate down in front of her little brother.
"You aren't going to keep getting this lucky forever."
"Mom, I'm fine. Really." Quinn insists between bites of food. "I've already got most of my mobility back, and I've still got a couple of weeks to train before the next expedition."
"Y'know, I talked to Ms. Schroder the other day. Their boy is still looking for a bride."
Quinn grits her teeth so hard she swears she can feel them cracking. "Well then, I wish him the best of luck with his search."
Looking towards the head of the table, Quinn can see her father has completely checked out of the conversation, his head buried in newspaper as he eats his food in silence.
Seems about right.
"Your little brother misses you, you know." Quinn's mother emphasizes as she sits down with her own food.
"I told you to stop bringing him into this."
"Why can't you stay home where it's safe? You know the only thing that I want is for you to have a happy life."
'Happy life.' They've always had opposing ideas of what that meant.
"I do too. And that's what I've been fighting for."
"Honey, please. You know what I mean."
Quinn doesn't respond, taking a bite of her dinner in begrudging silence.
"Quinn is a hero!" Jericho exclaims suddenly from his chair. "She said she'll take me outside the walls one day!"
Quinn's mother looks to her daughter in shock. "What did I say about talking to him about the outside?"
"Would you rather me talk to him about the other aspects of my job?"
Her mother pauses and takes a deep breath. "I've told you before that I'll always support you no matter what, but that doesn't mean I have to approve of it. It's a mother's job to worry." She looks at Quinn with somber eyes. "Just, please be careful. And try to spare your little brother from the difficult topics surrounding the outside world. He's already got a couple of ideas from one of the little boys in town."
Quinn lets out a sigh and gives her mom a disheartened nod. It's a conversation they've had countless times before, and it's always ended the same way. Her mother came from a traditional family, where all of the women focused on homesteading while the men handled the hard work. She had always expected Quinn to inherit that life — a nice husband, a bunch of children, a happy little house at the end of some happy little road, the whole bit.
Poor circumstances be damned.
*︎**
It only took a little over a month for her to show up again.
The soft warmth of spring was replaced by the sweltering summer heat, and Quinn had reappeared right along with it. Levi thought that maybe he was hallucinating when he saw her standing in the front hall of HQ, fully dressed in uniform with no trace of injury in sight. She was in the middle of talking to Hange when she caught sight of him as well, and she looked just as shocked to see Levi as he was her.
It then occurred to him that Quinn probably had no idea whether he survived or not.
Does she know where he really was?
A twinge of guilt knots in his stomach.
As far as Levi knows, nobody was aware of his original intentions for joining the Scouts besides Erwin and Miche. Not even Commander Shadis knew about the would-be murderer now amongst their ranks.
What would she think if she knew?
Levi had no intention of figuring out. Erwin and Miche didn't seem to be the type to have loose lips, so with any luck, the whole situation will be buried right alongside his friends.
Hange seems to notice Levi's presence only seconds after Quinn does. "Hey, Levi! Look who's back!"
For whatever reason, that four eyed freak had been bugging him off and on ever since the expedition, persistently trying to strike up conversations he definitely wasn't willing to have. They had caught on that Levi frequently went to the kitchen to boil water for tea, and would use those opportunities to ambush him with unusual and often uncomfortable questions. And it didn't matter how rude or threatening he was — Hange was relentless.
He wasn't going to get out of this.
"Levi and I have become great pals while you were gone!" Hange enthuses to Quinn as he approaches the two, resting an arm on Levi's shoulder that he aggressively shoves off.
Quinn doesn't look too convinced. "I'm sure you have." She looks a bit apprehensive, like she's not quite willing to look Levi in the eye. "I'm glad you're okay. I wasn't sure what happened after…"
Her voice trails off, the words lost in her throat. It was obvious that she was hesitant to bring up the expedition. So, he wouldn't either.
"How the hell did you recover so fast?"
"Oh-" Quinn obviously wasn't prepared for that question to come out of his mouth. "The wound was a lot more superficial than it looked. I mean, it's still sore, but I have a couple of weeks to rest before the next expedition."
Levi looks at her like she'd just grown a second head. There's no way Commander Shadis could possibly think–
"Ah, Strober," Shadis' voice echoes from behind the group. "Good to see you're back in good shape."
Quinn immediately gives the commander a salute, the movement in her shoulder obviously still stiff and uncomfortable. Shadis waves his hand dismissively. "At ease. I want you to take the rest of the evening to get settled in. You're to report to Section Commander Miche first thing tomorrow morning. As of now, he's your new commanding officer."
Quinn looks a bit surprised, but nods compliantly. "Yes, sir."
Shadis disappears just as fast as he had shown up, leaving the three standing by themselves in the main hall.
"Miche, huh?" Quinn asks with a soft huff. "That's who they replaced Flagon with?"
"Practically took over before we even got back to Wall Maria." Levi grumbles in response. He knows exactly why Miche got the promotion he did, and why they've still got Levi stationed under him. Miche is close with Erwin, and Erwin obviously wants to keep tabs on Levi at an arm's length.
Seems he still doesn't trust that Levi won't put a knife in his back the first chance he gets.
Sometimes he still wants to, if he lets himself dwell on his anger. Like he's doing right now.
Levi dismisses himself from the conversation without a word, not having the patience to deal with either of them right now. He wasn't at all prepared for Quinn to show up again, let alone serve on Miche's squad with him.
Maybe he should've just given himself up to the damn MPs when he had the chance.
*︎**
Don't get her wrong, Quinn really was glad to see that Levi was okay, but it also made her nervous. Really nervous.
She was mourning the loss of her comrades, but he was practically mourning the loss of his family. Isabel had told Quinn enough about their life in the Underground to know that their group had been together for years. She had called them a family herself.
Levi wasn't an emotional man, that much was obvious, but he wasn't heartless.
A few days had passed since she had returned, and it was obvious that Levi was going through something, even if he didn't express it in any outward way. Nobody else seemed to notice, but Quinn swore she could feel the grief radiating off of him. She hadn't had an actual conversation with him yet, no more than what's necessary between two soldiers, but she knew that the talk would happen eventually. The talk where she'll have to recall everything — how they were ambushed by the giant abnormal, how they were surrounded by a herd and picked off one by one, how she really fucking tried to protect them but just couldn't.
She can still hear Isabel screaming Levi's name moments before her death.
She won't be telling him that part.
In the meantime, Quinn was trying her best to get to know her newest squadmates — getting close with two of Miche's right hand men, Nanaba and Gelgar. Nanaba was a really nice woman, and a downright impressive soldier. She was good at keeping Quinn in good spirits whenever she found herself getting a bit mopey. Gelgar had a mouth on him, but anything he said was always in good fun. He learned pretty quickly not to poke at Levi, though. It took all but two jokes before the smaller man flipped him on his ass and said something about Gelgar missing his tongue. Nanaba cackled about that for hours.
It was the weekend now, and Quinn had been planning this trip into Trost ever since she got back, with something to deliver that was long overdue. Three folders — two destined for the post office, and one that she would be delivering personally. She had them secured in a leather bag that she threw over her shoulder as she started to make her way to the stables. She had opted to dress out of uniform again, wearing a tan puff-sleeve blouse and brown pants. Her hair was secured into its usual ponytail, only there was a green ribbon holding it in place instead of elastic.
It felt amazing to finally absorb some sunlight without her military jacket for once, and as soon as Quinn steps outside, she can't help but take a moment to soak up the warmth. She's standing with her eyes closed and head tilted up to the sky, when she hears Hange call out from across the courtyard.
"Quinn! Are ya ready to go?!"
Hange had already planned on joining her on her trip, saying something about running out of 'research equipment' — which could mean anything given that it's Hange. When Quinn turns to reply to them, she sees something that surprises her.
Levi, standing right next to her hairbrained friend. He's not in uniform either, instead wearing black slacks and a light gray t-shirt.
He looks a bit irritated – maybe even embarrassed to be there. Hange however, looks almost triumphant. It doesn't take much for Quinn to piece together exactly how Levi got there — by means of mental torture. She tries to hide her smirk as she approaches the two. "You're the last person I expected to see here."
Levi looks up from his feet, and there's definitely pain in those stormy gray eyes. "They bothered me for nearly an hour. An hour."
"Oh please, you were out of all of your good tea anyways!" Hange chirps from his side.
"You threw it out of the damn window!"
Quinn can't help but snicker a bit, to which Levi looks over at her with a glare. "It's not funny. That shit was expensive."
Hange replies before Quinn gets the chance. "I said I'd buy you more!"
"That's not the point-" Levi cuts himself off and pinches the middle of his brow in frustration.
"You'll learn that the best way to deal with Hange is to simply accept your fate." Quinn says as she suppresses another laugh and walks past the two. Levi grumbles a couple of expletives under his breath as they begin to follow her.
Quinn couldn't have been happier when she heard that her horse had made it back alive and well despite all odds. "Hey there Tilly girl," she greets her horse as she rubs her hand against her snout, which the animal leans into eagerly. "Yeah, I missed you too."
She goes to lead Tilly out of her stall, when her horse decides to trot out herself and over to Levi, who's standing next to his own horse. Tilly immediately tries to nudge him enthusiastically.
"Oh, what the hell?" Quinn scoffs as she watches in confusion. "Not even a little bit excited to see me?"
Hange walks past the two with their own horse, a smirk on their face. "Levi is the one who found her after the attack. I think she likes him."
Levi gives a tch as he gently pushes the eager horse's snout back. "She was scared to death. She would've followed anyone."
Quinn smiles and grabs her horse's reins, gently leading her back. She isn't going to argue on the horse's behalf – but no, she wouldn't follow just anyone. "Well either way, thank you for helping her."
Levi only glares at Quinn in response, and somehow she knows exactly what he's saying.
'Don't thank me.'
*︎**
That damn horse proceeded to bug Levi the entire ride to Trost. Tilly insisted on riding right next to Levi, and no matter how many times Quinn guided her away, she'd find her way back a few minutes later. Eventually, Quinn just stopped trying. Levi didn't blame her.
Stupid. Horse.
The streets were significantly less busy than they were during the festival, which was a small upside to this trip that Levi was forced into. Part of him was getting a bit stir crazy, sure, but Hange and Quinn definitely weren't the first people on his list of who he'd like to spend time with.
Or technically, maybe they were. The only two people who were on that list aren't here anymore.
It's easier to just call the list blank at this point.
"The tea shop is just down the street, I'm going down to the post office real quick to deliver a couple of things." Quinn says to Hange and Levi as she gestures vague directions. She tugs on Tilly's reins, but this time, the horse straight up refuses to move.
"Oh, come on!" Quinn gripes as she tugs a bit harder. "You stuck with him the whole way here!"
Tilly huffs a bit and nudges Levi's shoulder with her head. Levi, once again, tries to push her away, but the animal is persistent.
If only he hadn't offered her those damn field rations to get her to follow him.
Levi looks over his shoulder and back at Hange. "Do you remember what kind of tea it was?"
"Yes."
"Do you really?"
"Yes!"
Levi gives Hange a doubtful look before he turns back to Quinn and gestures his hand forward. "Let's go."
Quinn looks surprised once again. "Oh, you don't have to-"
"I'm not about to try and argue with a thousand pound animal. Let's just get this over with."
The girl shrugs and moves forward, Hange branching away from the two as Quinn leads Levi through the city. When they stop, Levi sees her slip two larger envelopes out of her bag before handing Tilly's reins over to him. "Something tells me you won't have much trouble watching her."
Levi rolls his eyes and takes the reins from her hand, watching out of the corner of his eye as she walks inside. He almost wants to ask what the envelopes are, but he really has no business to. He just gets the feeling that they're important.
It only takes a couple of minutes for Quinn to walk back out of the building and get back on her horse. "I have one more to deliver just out of town, so I hope you don't mind taking a bit of a walk."
Levi waves his hand dismissively in response, and Quinn takes that as a sign to start walking. They end up going back through the inner gate and towards the more isolated houses just outside of the city. The buildings lining the streets are slowly replaced with fields and smaller patches of farmland.
Okay, so maybe he is a bit of a nosey bastard. "Can I ask what the hell is all the way out here?"
Quinn breaks her forward eye contact and looks over to Levi. "It's a… personal delivery, of sorts."
"And this delivery isn't something that you could've just mailed like the others?"
She's quiet for a moment, like she's considering something. "Do you want to see?"
Levi is surprised that she offered up so easily, given how personal she made this whole thing sound. "Sure."
Quinn stops in the middle of the unpaved road, Levi following suit. He watches as she slips a third envelope out of her bag, identical to the other ones. Levi takes it and carefully opens the pins that hold the folder closed, and slips out a single piece of paper.
He isn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't this. Flagon. A detailed portrait of their late commander. This wasn't like the sketches he had seen in her book, she obviously put a lot of time and effort into this. This was a piece of art — pencil was simply the medium.
He has no idea what to say.
"The other two were Sairam and Freya. Their families both live on the other side of Wall Rose. But Flagon's is here. I… like to make these deliveries personally when I can."
Levi nods, still examining the portrait in his hands. "It's… good. Great." he murmurs as he slips the paper back into the folder. "Are they commissioned, or…?"
Quinn slips the envelope back into her bag. Her voice is a lot softer when she speaks. "I do it for the loved ones of my squadmates who passed – usually without asking. It's kind of my way to pay my respect to them, so there's still a piece of them left behind. Flagon was the fifth commander I've ever served under, and this is the seventh time I've lost most or all of my squad."
Levi doesn't even bother to try to hide his surprise. "Seventh?"
Quinn nods.
"And you've been here for how long?"
"Four years."
Shit.
He knew that the casualties were bad — he saw the numbers himself — but to hear it on a personal level put the situation a hell of a lot more into perspective.
Quinn sees the obvious shock on Levi's face and grimaces, facing forward on her horse. "I hate that they do that. They never put it into perspective just how dire of a choice joining the Scouts really is."
"They?"
"The higher ups. They always sugar coat things to the cadets. Half of them aren't ready for that kind of commitment." She looks to the ground and sighs. "But they need the bodies. It's an ugly truth, but the road that leads beyond the walls is paved with corpses."
Levi is quiet for a moment. "Dedicate your heart, huh?"
"Yep." Quinn sighs. A moment of silence passes before she speaks up again. "Do you want me to make you one?"
"One of what?"
Quinn gestures to her bag where the envelope is tucked inside. "Of these – of them."
Levi's mouth goes dry. He nods. Quinn smiles.
"Great. I'll try to have it done soon."
She goes to nudge her horse forward, but Levi speaks up before she can.
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
A sly smirk spreads across Quinn's face. "Don't thank me."
*︎**
It doesn't take more than a few minutes before Quinn stops at the edge of a private dirt driveway. Levi can see a very faint glow of windows on a house that's sitting further down.
"You can stay here, if you want. It shouldn't take more than a minute."
Levi considers his options. He never really cared for Flagon one way or the other. If anything, he found his cranky attitude a bit annoying. But, he'd be a hypocrite to hold that against his late commander, and paying respects to the dead seemed to be really important to the Scout Regiment. "It's fine. I'll follow behind you."
Quinn leads the way up to the front porch, climbing off of her horse and once again handing the reins over to Levi, who decides to stay on his own horse a few feet back. All it takes is a quick knock on the door before it swings open, a young woman emerging from the house. There's something wrapped around her — a bag of some sorts, but it's awkwardly shaped and Levi can't make out what it is.
At first.
When he finally realizes, his stomach hits the floor.
A baby. A newborn, swaddled against the mother's chest.
The guilt settles in again.
︎***
Back at headquarters
The sting of alcohol slides down Nanaba's throat as she takes a sip of her drink, sitting at a table in one of the lounges with Miche and Gelgar. "I heard Hange has been bothering the new guy, Levi. They've apparently been up his ass about ODM training and all that."
Gelgar snickers and downs what remains of his own drink. "I saw that the other day. I almost feel bad for the guy."
"Hmph." Miche grunts from where he sits, a glass of liquor to his left and a stack of paperwork in front of him. "Little rat deserves it. The least he can do is give out some tips." he pauses and tips back another bitter mouthful of whiskey. "Especially after trying to take out a damn commander."
Miche realizes what he had just said just after the words leave his mouth, looking over with wide eyes at both Nanaba and Gelgar, whose jaws are hanging wide open.
"What?!"
Damn him and his loose lips.