Chapter Eleven – Softies

For the first time, the avoidance between Quinn and Levi was mutual.

The two never spoke a word to each other, and nobody dared to speak to them about each other. Commander Miche didn't even have the guts to force the two to train together. With how naturally Quinn and Levi had interacted before, the sudden change in behavior had the entire squad on edge.

Luckily, it didn't take long before HQ got so busy that there wasn't any time to worry about social dynamics. The Scouts had to refortify themselves as best as they could after the utter failure that was their last expedition, which quickly increased their workload ten fold. All of their efforts from this past week would hopefully pay off today, with the Scouts nearly doubling their medical and storage capacity.

As Quinn and the others head towards the outer gate of Shiganshina, she spots Jericho standing to the side with a little blonde boy, who appears to be a couple years older than her brother. She doesn't know his name, but she thinks she might've seen his parents around the shop a couple of times.

︎***

The first day of the expedition went surprisingly well. The Scouts had made it to their first stop with minimal casualties, leading them to settle in the familiar castle ruins for the night. As Quinn is setting her stuff up in her usual corner, she notices Levi laying out his own belongings at the same spot he did last time.

Only this time, he's alone.

She turns her head and brings her attention back to her own things, when she sees Hange approaching from the corner of her eye. "Quinn! Always nice to see you didn't end up a stain in the grass!"

What a pleasant greeting. "Hey, Hang."

There's an apathetic tone to Quinn's voice that Hange immediately picks up on. "What's got you bummed out? Not enough Titans to slice up today?"

"What, like that's a hobby for me?"

"At this point, it might as well be." Hange says in a matter-of-fact tone. They walk closer to Quinn's side and glance across the room to Levi. "By the way, I gotta ask, what's up with his nose? Training accident?"

Quinn would be lying if she said she hadn't noticed Levi walking around with what was now a fading bruise on the bridge of his nose. Nobody on her squad ever asked about it — as if they even needed to, after the way Quinn stormed out of Miche's office that night.

"No," Quinn mumbles and resumes pulling things out of her pack. "I hit him."

Hange gapes at Quinn in shock. "You hit him?! What the hell fo- ohhh…"

"What's 'oh'?" Quinn asks skeptically as she turns to face them.

Hange cringes inward and gives her an apologetic look. "You found out, didn't you? Who let it slip? Was it Miche?"

"What the hell do you mean 'found out'?" Quinn points an accusing finger at Hange. "Did you know about him this whole time?"

"… I mayyy have been the one to tell them not to tell you."

"What the hell, Hange?" Quinn's tone raises slightly. "Why would you keep something like that from me? It was my squad! My commander!"

Hange gestures for Quinn to lower her voice. "Because I knew that this was exactly how you'd react. Although, I did expect the collateral damage to be a lot worse than a busted nose."

"That's the thing," Quinn sighs. "It's not like I got a lucky hit in or anything, he just kind of… let me. I was honestly so sure that he'd stop me that I didn't consider…"

Her voice trails off. Saying that just felt like a stupid excuse.

"And let me guess, now you feel guilty?"

Quinn grits her teeth. She doesn't answer.

"Look, Quinn, I think Levi's situation is a lot more complicated than you think. Now, I don't know specific details, but I don't think he would act out of complete negligence for his friends. And I know you don't think so either."

There's a small knot forming in Quinn's chest. "Well he still shouldn't have-"

"Woulda', coulda', shoulda'! We all have moments like that." Hange pauses and lowers their voice even further. "And you aren't the only one who lost people, either. Do you think Levi would've made that choice if he knew what would've ended up happening to his friends? There's no way he could've predicted that abnormal attack — especially because it was his first expedition. His abilities are outstanding, yes, and he picks up on things very quickly, but he still doesn't know what it's like out here. That's something you just kind of have to… figure out. Or die trying."

The knot tightens. She stays silent.

"Look, I'm not telling you to kiss and make up or anything. Just… give him some grace. After all, he did still choose to become a Scout."

Quinn feels a sarcastic response forming in the back of her throat, but she's holding it back, choking it down. With a defeated sigh, Hange walks away without another word.

She hates when they do that — when they actually make sense.

Despite everything, there's something deep inside of Quinn that wants to forgive Levi. All of the time she's spent with him, even indirectly, completely contradicts the idea of him being just a heartless prick. Other people might not think so, but she does. And right now, she hates it.

She also hates how a part of her almost… misses him.

︎***

The Scouts were nearly an hour into their second day of riding when they had their first major Titan encounter. They had taken a heavy hit to the right side of the formation, leaving a huge gap between Miche's squad and the rear guard. This was a big problem, because now their extra supply wagons were wide open to an attack from the right.

"We need to reinforce the right side!" Miche yells over the sound of galloping horses. "Quinn, Levi, I want you two to fall back in between second and third position!"

Quinn hesitates for a moment and glances over to Levi, who only looks back compliantly. She turns her head back to face forward. "Understood, sir!"

The two of them start to slow their horses' pace and fall back, the gap between them and the rest of their squad getting bigger and bigger.

Pretty soon, there's no sight of them at all.

The silence is filled with the rumble of hooves against dirt, both Quinn and Levi keeping a sharp eye out at their surroundings. The open fields they had been running through were starting to become more and more littered with trees — not quite a forest, but enough to limit their visibility. They had to be on high alert with every bundle of foliage that they passed.

Despite the bad blood, the silence was still comfortable. Familiar.

Until they hear the bang of a signal flare from behind them.

Both of their heads snap backwards, watching a trail of black smoke rise high into the sky.

"Shit." Quinn hisses to herself as she scrambles to grab her flare gun and pass along the signal. As their own signal takes off, she spots a large bipedal Titan approaching full-sprint from behind. A section of the rear guard is trying to keep up with it, falling short just behind its ankles. The monster is ignoring them, bolting straight for the head of the formation.

"We're gonna have to take it down before it reaches the front!" Quinn yells as she looks over to Levi, who gives her a short nod in response.

A small bright side for them is that the nearby trees offered plenty of opportunity for the use of their ODM gear. The two are able to set themselves up in the tops of the trees with just seconds to spare.

"I'll go for the ankles, you get the nape, got it?"

Levi gives her another nod.

The abnormal begins to approach, and the two jump into action simultaneously.

Quinn drops down low and anchors her hook across the Titan's path just as it passes, dragging the heels of her boots across dirt and slicing through both tendons of the monster's heels. It tumbles forward and crashes face first into the ground, giving Levi the perfect opportunity to take a chunk out of the nape.

It's quick, efficient, and quite possibly the easiest abnormal encounter Quinn has ever had.

When Levi's feet hit the ground again, the small squad from the rear guard is cheering and yelling in excitement. The look on his face is almost comical. He's staring back at them with a look of confusion, when Quinn notices a fleshy silhouette start to move from behind him.

"Levi!"

A five meter Titan appears from around the tree line with its arm raised high, swinging its hand towards Levi at full speed. Quinn reacts instinctively and crashes into him, and for a moment she thinks that she was successful in her efforts to shove them both out of the way.

Then her cloak gets caught on one of the Titan's fingers, and launches her backwards into a nearby tree.

The impact is so harsh that Quinn doesn't even feel the pain of it, just sheer pressure as every bit of air is forced from her lungs. Her entire left side goes numb, and through the deafening ringing in her ears she can hear the sound of blades slicing through skin. A couple of seconds after it stops, she feels a pair of hands grabbing at her, trying to prop her upright.

"Hey! Hey!"

The hands shake her right side — the side that's not currently imprinted into the side of a tree. It's enough to get her to open her eyes, but she can't see anything but the blinding light of the sun. One of the hands reaches up and grabs her chin roughly, turning it to look at a face she can't quite make out.

"Quinn!"

That final yell seems to snap her out of it, her eyes focusing in on the concerned features of Levi's face. "That's better. Don't move, alright?"

Of course, Quinn's next action is to try to shift her body weight, causing a blinding hot pain to radiate down her left arm.

"You idiot." Levi grunts as he shoves his arm under her right shoulder, rotating her so she can lean straight back against the tree. Quinn suppresses a groan of pain deep in her throat as her body weight settles. The pain is slowly subsiding to the point where she starts to gather her composure, though the ache in her left shoulder is almost unbearable. Every time she tries to move it, she's met with a rippling pain from hell.

"You probably broke it." Levi says from where he's crouched in front of her.

Quinn tests the mobility of her shoulder again, wincing in discomfort before shaking her head. "Dislocated."

Levi sighs and extends one of his hands. "Give me your arm."

Quinn gives him a skeptical look before trying and failing to raise her left arm. Levi meets her halfway and takes ahold of her wrist, slowly raising her hand and resting it on his right shoulder.

"Keep your hand here."

Quinn nods and does as she's told, trying to distract herself from the pain by watching as Levi secures one of his hands around her elbow, and the other on the outside of her bicep. His hand is raising slowly, fingers digging in, feeling the muscle spasm as he searches for the proper ligaments and bones.

"Hey."

He says it like a command — firm, demanding. Quinn's eyes fly up to meet his almost instantly.

"Don't ever do that stupid shit again."

With one swift movement and a flash of pain, Levi slips Quinn's shoulder back into place. She cries out for a split second, before slowly letting out an exhausted sigh of relief.

Levi drops her arm and pulls himself upright. "Can you stand?"

Quinn cringes and rolls her shoulder tentatively. "I think so."

Levi extends a hand, which Quinn grabs ahold of with her good arm and lets him ease her up.

"We need to catch up with the others. Call Tilly and get moving."

She almost wants to make a sarcastic comment about how Levi and her horse are apparently on a first name basis, but she does as he says, and soon the two are running full speed towards the rest of the formation. They had heard a couple of smoke signals go off in the distance, but were too preoccupied to catch what they were.

They can only hope that the rest of the fleet didn't run into problems of their own.

*︎**

The extra supplies were no use. The wagons were destroyed.

A large herd of Titans from the left wiped five different sections out completely. Only 70% of the Scout Regiment's original fleet survived their retreat back to the castle ruins, most of the casualties being first year and second year privates. Levi's squad and others from the right side tried to intercept them before they could destroy the wagons, but it was useless. The hoarder was too overpowering, and the Scouts ended up lucky that they even had a chance to run.

Even if it cost them the lives of the supply team.

Thankfully, nobody on Levi's squad was injured — aside from her, that stupid girl with a death wish. That absolute basket-case who went from assaulting him to saving his life in the span of one week. He's surprised that she's survived as long as she has with how damn self-sacrificing she is.

Suicidal, more like it.

He was honestly grateful when he heard that Erwin and Shadis had decided that they were going to rest for the night instead of ride through it. His muscles ached, burdened with the strain of taking down at least a dozen Titans in one afternoon. He was lucky that he picked up on killing them so quickly.

He was also lucky that she was there. She helped. A lot.

Nobody could keep Quinn out of the fight, no matter how hard they tried. She must've taken at least five of her own kills and assisted Levi with at least half of his — all after just having her damn shoulder dislocated. Her movement was far more favored on her right side (she was right handed, anyway) but her left arm already seemed to regain full range of motion. No one around her even had a suspicion that she was injured — only Levi.

Of course, it was a good thing that Quinn was so resilient. Great, even. But, it was… weird. So weird he almost wants to ask her about it. And he probably would, if it wasn't for the fact that they were still pretending that the other person didn't exist. Their incident with the abnormal was the first time they had spoken a word to each other since their altercation in the kitchen.

Levi is still unsure why he even let her hit him in the first place. Maybe he thought it would make her feel better.

Maybe he thought he deserved it.

He did, in a way. While her reaction might've been over the top, her anger was justified. He just didn't expect it to hurt so damn bad. Physically, of course. Not emotionally.

The mood that permeated Levi's mind was spreading throughout their temporary base of operations. The floor was littered with the bodies of injured Scouts, and those who weren't hurt in the battle stood scattered about with a hollow look in their eyes. Levi does his best to keep to his own, only stopping to linger when he overhears the sound of Quinn talking to Commander Miche.

"Sir, could I request to be put on watch tonight? Alone, preferably."

He hears Miche hum in consideration. "Alright. You can take the roof, but take some acoustic shells with you. Fire one off if you come across any trouble, don't try to do some brave shit on your own."

'Good luck with that one.' Levi thinks to himself.

There's a thump of Quinn's fist colliding against leather as she gives her commander a firm salute, and that's Levi's cue to slip away. Why the hell Quinn would want to be put on watch alone, he doesn't know. Maybe she knew she was just so stressed out that she knew she wasn't going to sleep tonight and decided to plan accordingly.

She did that a lot — she had told him during one of the nights they had run into each other. That was apparently the reason why she snuck down there so often.

Levi knows the feeling well.

*︎**

The large foyer was nearly pitch black and dead silent, apart from the distant snores of nearby soldiers. Levi couldn't even get his eyes to stay closed for more than a couple of minutes, tossing and turning with a restlessness he couldn't shake. His eyes stare up at the crumbling mess of the ceiling.

She's up there.

He isn't sure why in the hell he's thinking about that right now. Maybe his insomnia has finally given way to boredom. A person can only spend so much time laying in one spot before they start seeking ways to get out of it.

And damn it, despite everything, her company is the only one that sounds remotely palatable right now.

It's extremely rare for Levi to find somebody he would actually prefer to spend time with, but it's not impossible.

His need for socialization was extremely low, but it wasn't nonexistent.

It would be, if he could help it. But, humans are social creatures. And he's only human.

… He needs to stop going in circles in his damn head.

Levi pushes himself off of the ground and walks outside.

*︎**

The sharp sound of a hook against stone startles Quinn so harshly it makes her jump. It's followed by a familiar reeling sound, and she's met with the last person she expected to see.

Levi balances himself on the ledge of the stone roof a few feet away, looking straight at her. For a moment, Quinn doesn't know what to say. She doesn't want to say anything — not after the miserable day they just had. It's only when Levi takes a couple of steps towards her that words finally start to tumble out of her mouth. "What do you want?"

"To talk."

"About wha-"

"About the expedition."

Quinn doesn't have to ask to know that he isn't talking about their current one.

"Okay."

Levi cocks his head to the empty space next to her. "Can I sit?"

She hesitates for a moment, then nods.

Levi approaches, making sure to leave a couple of feet between them. The canisters of his ODM gear rattles as he sits.

"Did you really hook up your gear just to come up here?"

The integrity of the building was so poor, the only way to reach the top of the castle was from the outside.

"You'd be surprised how hard it is to put these things on without waking anyone up."

Quinn scoffs. "No, I wouldn't."

The two go quiet for a moment, the uncertainty of what to say plaguing them both. Levi was the one to approach, so it only makes sense for him to speak first. And he does.

"I guess I should start by saying I'm sorry."

She wasn't sure what she expected, but it wasn't that. "You're sorry?"

Levi lets out an uneasy sigh. "You're right. I did have an obligation to be there for you guys, but I didn't. I neglected my squad — our squad — for selfish reasons, and I'm sorry."

Quinn chews on her bottom lip, debating on how to respond. This was a completely different tune from the one he was singing in the kitchen. He didn't show a lick of remorse back then, or any other emotion for that matter.

But, he did let her hit him.

Maybe that was his remorse.

And she wasn't innocent either. Not during the expedition, or the aftermath.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I failed them too. Failed… her."

She can tell by the way Levi tenses up that he knows who she's talking about.

"Can you tell me what happened? After I left."

Quinn can already feel herself clamming up, and she has to focus her attention on making sure her voice doesn't crack. "Yeah. Okay."

"You don't have to."

She shakes her head. This conversation was a long time coming.

"Shortly after we lost track of you, Freya and I got separated from the others. I heard the abnormal before I saw it. It ambushed Freya – killed her instantly, I think. It flung me off of my horse, and by the time I got up, there was nothing I could do for her. Then I saw Isabel riding up. I tried to get her to run, but another Titan appeared and grabbed me. Right after I killed it, another one tried to attack her. She managed to avoid it long enough for me to take out its nape."

She pauses for a moment, trying to keep her composure. When she looks at Levi, he's staring straight ahead with a familiar blank expression on his face. Listening. Thinking.

"Right as I was about to reach her, I heard someone else yell for me. It was Sairam."

Levi's jaw tightens. His hands ball into fists for a moment, then relax.

"Another Titan was about to drop him into its mouth. I killed it as quickly as I could, but it didn't matter. He was dead by the time it hit the ground. After I got up I saw that the abnormal had finished eating Freya, and it was… charging at Isabel. I tried to get to her, but my gear malfunctioned."

Her voice is starting to crack, seething with anger as she remembers the sheer frustration, the helplessness of it all.

"I tried to fix my gear, I really fucking tried, but…" Quinn takes a deep breath and lowers her voice. "I didn't see when it happened. That's when the other Titan appeared and grabbed me by my shoulder with its mouth. It only dropped me because Commander Flagon showed up and cut open its jaw. The Titan squished him like a bug before he even had the chance to move. Everything else is… blurry. I remember hearing Furlan yelling, then silence. Then I heard fighting, and more yelling."

Something clicks in Quinn's head as she replays the audio in her head over and over again. The screaming, the yelling, the sound of chopping flesh and Titan shrieks.

The sobbing.

That was him.

She looks back at Levi, whose head is now directed down at the cold surface of the roof in front of him. "Yeah. I know the rest."

That's something Quinn is still fuzzy about. "Care to fill me in?"

"I killed that Titan that took a bite out of your shoulder, and then I found you." Levi's voice sounds like he has his own grief that he's holding back. "Honestly, I thought you were dead. There was so much blood that I couldn't tell."

Quinn's next words blurt out without a thought. "I'm sorry, by the way. For hitting you, and for what happened during the expedition. I shouldn't have judged you for the choices you made, when I myself made mistakes that day. I could've done more to save her, if I didn't… try to save everyone else at the same time. I should've prioritized. I shouldn't have tried to be some kind of hero."

Levi takes a moment to respond, finally turning his head and meeting her eyes. "You know, you're way too emotional for this line of work."

Quinn sighs, and this time she's the one to look away. "Sometimes I wish that I wasn't. It would probably make things a lot easier."

"Well, don't."

She looks back at Levi in confusion. "Don't what?"

"Wish that you weren't as emotional. It's not a bad thing." He turns his head to stare out into the distance. "Trust me."

A half smile subconsciously appears on Quinn's face, then she perks up as she's reminded of something – something important.

"I'll be right back."

She hops onto her feet and then off of the roof, returning only a couple of minutes later with a large envelope tucked under her arm. She stands in front of him and hands it out.

"It's late, I know."

Levi looks surprised, freezing up for a moment before he takes the envelope from her. Quinn sits down next to him as he opens it — closer this time, to see his reaction.

And holy shit, was it worth it.

After only a couple of seconds of looking at that piece of paper, Levi smiles.

Like, smiles. Like a normal person.

Quinn was almost convinced that Levi was physically incapable of smiling, having seen nothing more than an occasional twitch of the lip in the couple of months she's known him. It makes Quinn's heart soar, and she can't help but break into a grin of her own. His smile is… warm. Unexplainably warm. Like the smallest glimpse of sunlight in a sky of darkened clouds.

Happiness looks good on him.

Quinn's fingers itch with the urge to draw it.

Levi takes a good minute to admire the side-by-side portrait of Isabel and Furlan. It had been so long since he'd seen their faces — something that he had to become content with never seeing again.

"Why'd you bring this with you?"

His question makes Quinn a bit embarrassed, her cheeks tinted a soft pink that's hardly visible in the moonlight. "I… wasn't really sure if I was going to give it to you."

"So what, you were making sure you'd have it the second you didn't hate me anymore?"

"I said if."

Levi scoffs out a laugh (a laugh? pigs are about to start flying) and raises a hand up, ruffling the hair that frames Quinn's face. "Softy."

She had seen him do it to Isabel once or twice — one of his few ways of showing affection.

Her heart is gonna fly out of her damn throat.

He's looking straight at her now, just a hint of that smile still remaining on his face. Quinn averts her eyes bashfully. "You're the one who just smiled for the first time in what, a year? Ten, maybe?"

"I think you're just seeing things." Levi sneers, his attention turning back to the paper in his hands. His face drops a bit as he studies Isabel's face. "Don't blame yourself for her death — for any of their deaths. You didn't kill them. The Titans did."

Quinn slowly exhales through her nose and glances out to the horizon. "I know. It all just feels so… heavy. Sometimes it makes it hard to remember."

"Yeah, I know." Levi slips the paper back in its folder. "Thank you, by the way. For this. It… means a lot."

The somber look on Quinn's face is quickly replaced with a shit-eating grin. "Don't thank m-"

"Shut the fuck up."